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I’ve become more aware of my gratefulness in an interesting way. Because of my TBI ten years ago, I volunteer at BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas) and find this to be an enriching way of giving back to others who have survived a brain injury.On Facebook, I joined two brain injury support groups. I thought this would be another good way to give back to others. Unfortunately, I found the posts to be depressing. These people had issues I did not have and probably should have had. In walks gratefulness. Instead of helping others I was helping myself to appreciate being grateful for what I have.Donna ValentinoAuthorDirect (469-323-3197)Perspectivewithdonna.comBe true to yourself 

We’ve all heard the adage you reap what you sow, but do ever really think about it?  I remember many years ago planting a vegetable garden. I bought seeds for tomatoes, cucumbers and zucchini because I used these vegetables daily. I did not plant beets or turnips because I didn’t like or use them. Why would I plant things I had no use for?Most of us plants things in our garden subconsciously. Who we are as people is what’s planted in our garden. I plant love, forgiveness, respect, patience, empathy and passion. This is what comes back to me.Think about what you plant. If you are getting shade thrown on you ask yourself why. Is that what you’re putting out there?  Donna ValentinoAuthorDirect (469-323-3197)Perspectivewithdonna.comBe true to yourself

My mother’s pick of poison was a belt. Back in the day, she wasn’t the only parent that used their hand or some object to discipline their children with. I remember very clearly a day when I knew that belt was going to be used on me. I dressed in layers so I wouldn’t feel the pain. There. I said it. Pain. Is discipline supposed to be painful? What am I learning from this? What I learned is that the benefit of the whipping lost its value. Isn’t there a better way? I also clearly remember a time when my grandmother came over. I was reading a book that I couldn’t put down (that’s how I am when I read) and my mother came into the bedroom and blasted me for not coming out and greeting my grandmother. She took her hand and went to slap me across the face. I grabbed her hand and told her she could never hit me again. I was 15. My mother’s method of discipline was not going to be repeated with my kids. I found ways to teach right from wrong without getting physical. In 53 countries in the world, spanking is banned. Some people consider it child abuse. What does getting physical teach our kids? It’s okay to hit someone when they do something wrong. Does the cycle of spanking proliferate or do we find other humane options? Donna Valentino Author Direct (469-323-3197) Perspectivewithdonna.com Be true to yourself

We all have our obstacles. Mine may differ from yours, but how we chose to handle them can determine the outcome of your circumstances. I had a divorce and an ATV accident ten years ago happen almost simultaneously. To be honest, the divorce was on the horizon for the last ten years of my marriage. The kicker was the accident. I was pissed off about it because the injuries from it left me without a job and my beloved game of tennis. Instead of crying in a corner, I pulled up my girl girl pants and propelled myself forward. I wrote two books and started podcasting. I also volunteer at BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas). Helping others with brain injuries is my way of giving back. I chose to make a difference instead of wallowing in despair. Overcoming my obstacles was better than letting them overcome me.

Music is a great motivator for me. Sometimes certain lyrics will hit a bell. A song called Miss you by Missio has a lyric in there that says “I see you the way I hope you see yourself”. Do I see myself the way others see me? I receive praise and compliments all the time. I appreciate them but don’t really take them to heart. Why? I have this yacking monkey in my head that likes to say negative things about how I look or disses me for not being better at this or that. I am practicing the art of telling that monkey to eat shit and die. That negativity is the reason why I can’t take praise to heart! It counteracts the positive. Practice makes perfect right? If you suffer from this too, you can practice telling the negativity to kiss off. Your head will thank you. Donna Valentino Author • Speaker • Podcaster Direct (469)323-3197 www.Perspectivewithdonna.com Be true to yourself

Do you have a tendency of beating yourself up? I have had this tendency my whole life. I've become more aware of this in the last two years. Last week, I went to target practice with the two guns I've owned for a few years. I could not cock back the gun! You know many bullets I shot?? Zero! I came down on myself pretty hard for two hours. How can I suddenly have a problem doing something I've been really successful doing before? After two hours of berating myself, I was able to change my perspective. Find a rainbow in a shit storm Donna. If you can't shoot those guns, find a different one you can shoot. And that's what I did. Beating yourself up has no value. Try changing your perspective to find a solution to a problem. That will be more beneficial in the long run.

I fell in love at the ripe old age of 8. We would visit my grandmother and Jeff lived across the street. Back then, kids played in the street until we were called in for meals. Both of us came from strict, religious homes where love was not forthcoming. The love we had for each other was pure and simple. No strings attached. A few years after my divorce, I hooked up with Jeff on Facebook. We had a long distance romance for 9 months, and then lived with me for two years. I thought I was in love with him, but I was in love with the memory. I could not rewrite the story. I learned that the memory is just a memory and it needs to stay that way.

I see a lot of things on Facebook. Some things make me giggle and other things piss me off. Sometimes something worthwhile comes up that resonates with me. This post did. Not sure who the author is. A woman had a pet snake that she loved very much. The snake was about 7 feet long and one day it just stopped eating. After several weeks of trying everything the lady still couldn’t get the snake to eat. The woman took the snake to the vet and explained the situation. The vet replies “I see … has your snake been sleeping with you at night or snuggling real close and stretching himself out?" The woman said “Yes. Everyday and it makes me so sad that I can’t help him feel better. " The vet says to the lady “Ma’am your snake is not sick. It has been sizing you up everyday so he knows how big he has to be. He’s not eating so he has enough room to digest you.” Moral of the story: Recognize the snakes around you. Just cause they seem close to you, doesn’t mean their intentions aren’t to devour you. I tell a story about a best friend I had many years ago. After my son was born, her adopted son came on the scene. She started comparing the boys on a daily basis. This hurt my feelings and I told her about it. She apologized and continued to do it. That was the end of our friendship. Do you have a friend or family member that is toxic and you have trouble giving them the boot? The only who is hurting is you. Establish healthy boundaries. This is a win-win.

Sexual abuse is not a fun topic. I want to share my story with you about my brother's claim that our mother was having a sexual relationship with him. Is it true? Through conversations with my brother, he claimed that my mother's older brother abused her. The age difference was fifteen years. I wanted to believe him and I did. Until I couldn't. I caught him a lie about this claim. It made me question whether anything he told me was true. How do you have a relationship with a liar? My dilemma was to be able to accept that I will never know the answer to the question. Through my Reiki therapy, I was able to identify that this issue with my brother was lying just the surface. My brother's daughter sent me an evite because she is having a baby and this seemed to stir the pot. My Reiki Master asked me to write a letter to my brother without the intent to mail it. I wrote that letter. Because I had no intent to mail it, I was able to "dump" my negative feelings. I held nothing back. What a cleansing experience that was! By writing that letter, I found the peace I so desperately needed.

The word divorce doesn’t bring anyone warm fuzzies. I’ve been divorced almost ten years now. It took quite a few years for me to realize that I disliked my daughter because she reminded me of her dad. I can’t believe I fell into that crack. What would possess me to treat her like crap? A look inside myself wasn’t easy. I don’t like or trust my ex husband for reasons I won’t list here. This is not my daughter’s fault. I am taking my shit out on my daughter and that’s not fair. Realizing what I was doing was the first step. The next step was to apologize to my daughter for my actions. This was not difficult to do. My daughter was very gracious that I apologized since she didn’t feel that she did any wrong. By the way, she is nothing like her dad. Old events and memories took over my psyche. What’s my moral here? I owned up to and took responsibility for my behavior.

Bob suffered heartburn in his teens. He lived on Tums and graduated to Prilosec which he took for 35 years! What is acid reflux? Technically, it’s called Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD). This is a chronic disease that occurs when stomach acid or bile flows into the food pipe (esophagus) and irritates the lining. At the entrance to your stomach is a valve, which is a ring of muscle called the lower esophageal sphincter (LES). Normally, the LES closes as soon as food passes through it. If the LES doesn’t close all the way or if it opens up too often, acid produced by your stomach can move up into the esophagus. One common cause of acid reflux disease is a stomach abnormality called a hiatal hernia. This occurs when the upper part of the stomach and LES move above the diaphragm, a muscle that separates your stomach from your chest. Normally, the diaphragm helps keeps acid in our stomach. But, if you have a hiatal hernia, acid can move up into your esophagus and cause symptoms of acid reflux disease. This is what happened to Bob. A little back story on Bob’s family history. His grandfather died from this disease because of his lack of effort to address it. When the acid hit his aorta, he bled to death. Upon a doctor’s visit, Bob was told about Linx Esophageal Surgery. This is a new, revolutionary procedure in GERD surgery. A small device is implanted through minimally invasive techniques that reinforces the LES, keeping stomach acid out of the esophagus and preventing the uncomfortable effects of GERD. Bob had this surgery done. The first month of recovery was the worst of it. He had to eat very slowly. Bob is very happy with the results as his acid reflux issues are gone.

Does anyone out there have gut issues? I have been diagnosed with leaky gut four times by four different doctors. Instead of jumping into a resolution headfirst, I took a shortcut by removing dairy out of my diet for two weeks. I didn’t notice any difference. My stomach threw up a red flag in December. After having diarrhea for two months and then struggling to go at all, I had to do something. A good friend told me about colonics and she referred me to Gen. What a godsend! I have done fifteen colonic sessions with Gen over the course of four months. I lost twenty pounds along with all the bloat and stool retention I was living with. What a difference this has made in my life. It feels good to feel good. Gen has a wonderful bedside manner and is an uplifting, positive soul. She walks you through the process with empathy and a loving heart. Gen is a certified Colon Hydrotherapy therapist has been doing this for twelve years. She has seen improvement in people with acne, autism, allergies and autoimmune issues. You can check out the I-ACT (International Association of Counselors and Therapists) website for more information on the therapy or you can call her and ask questions that she would be happy to answer. Gen is located at The House of Gilead in Plano, Texas. The phone number is 972-596-5055. She also practices in another location. You can reach her at 469-537-3178. Have stomach issues? You have nothing to lose and maybe something to gain by giving colonics a try.

Jeff remembers being sad at the age of eight. He started drinking at 14. He then added some drugs to the mix. Depression was something he dealt with for many years and suicidal thoughts were always there. At 21, he had a brain tumor removed and had five additional surgeries thereafter. Jeff has done deep brain stimulation. This involves implanting electrodes within certain areas of your brain. These electrodes produce electrical impulses that regulate abnormal impulses. The amount of stimulation is controlled by a pacemaker-like device placed under the skin in your upper chest. A wire that travels under your skin connects this device to the electrodes in your brain. Jeff is a member of BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas). BIND provides tools and a bridge of support to adult brain injury survivors so they can reconnect into life, the community and workplace. Jeff's a good guy and has a great sense of humor. He said something really profound after the podcast was over. There are five stages of grief. Anyone who has lost anything goes through these stages. The last stage of grief for him is giving back.

At the age of 38, Carrie was going about her business when she suddenly felt weak and the left side of her body went numb. She knew she was having a stroke. She waited for her father to come back into the house because she couldn’t get to him. Carrie spent two weeks in ICU and four months in rehab. Someone else might have curled up in a ball and had a forever pity party—not Carrie. She wears an AFO (ankle-foot Orthosis) support brace to help with her mobility. I should mention that she is a solid Dallas Stars fan! Carrie is a member of BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas). BIND provides supportive services for adult brain injury survivors so they can reconnect into life, the community and the workplace. Not only is Carrie a member, but she also works there. If you need anything at BIND, just ask Carrie. In addition to working at BIND, she does part time administrative work from her home. Carrie’s life moves onward. Her positive attitude and friendly demeanor will make anyone’s day. A stroke wasn’t going to beat her. BIND has given her purpose and meaning. A path to educating and giving back.

Kick It With Donna episode 69 Do you ever have a hard time releasing resentment and anger? My issues with abandonment from my mother go back a long way, but I had an issue with my dad too. I’ll share how I overcame and found peace. Show notes: My mother and father were raised Catholic. Neither one of them were church goers. I was baptized in the Catholic church. My brother was born eighteen months later and was not. During the time of my mother’s pregnancy, her sister came home with Born Again Christianity. My mother dove deep into this. This did not fly well in the family. It wrecked havoc on the marriage. My mother told my father that if he didn’t accept Jesus as his personal savior, he could no longer sleep in the same bed with her. I’m assuming their sex life went into the trash. My brother and I lived in a religious cage. Our lives consisted of church, Sunday school, Youth Group, Vacation Bible School and memorizing the books of the Bible. As hard as I tried, I could never get her admiration and acceptance for who I was. The only way to please her was to beg, plead and cajole. At the age of eighteen, I hightailed it out of her house. To this day, we have no relationship. After becoming a mother myself, it made me angry and resentful that I didn’t have a mother to commiserate with, nor would my children have a grandmother. I carried this resentment around my whole life. It was bigger than me. I needed help releasing the resentment and finding peace. How do you forgive someone who will never say “I’m sorry?” I went to see a Ministry counselor for several months. Being able to talk about my past really helped me open the wounds and address them. I came to understand that she is who she is and I am not responsible for her actions. She also gave me a different perspective. See your mother’s parenting as a gift. If she had been the mother you wanted her to be, you would be different too. You are who you are because of her. Those months of counseling helped me find that inner peace. I can now talk about my mother without the angst I used to feel. What a sense of freedom! When my parents divorced, it was not fun times in my house. My mother and I were like two bulls always butting heads. I wanted to live with my dad. He was recently married and I don’t think the wife was too excited about my arrival. I loved my dad. We just got each other. No stress. No game playing. Living with him meant changing schools, making new friends and meeting the new wife’s family. I would have stayed with him. Unfortunately, after nine months of living there, my dad sat me down and told me it would be better if I went back to my mother. I was rejected by my dad for his wife. At the age of twenty, my dad called me and said he was divorcing his wife. He then said, “I heard you have a big house.” This comment did not bode well with me. My dad and I didn’t speak for twenty seven years. This was back in the day of no cell phones. Through my brother’s daughter, I reconnected with my dad. We picked up where we left off as if all those lost years didn’t matter. His brother passed away and I flew to New York to be there for him at the wake. Of course, I forgot to pack something and went to the local mall to buy it. I called my dad and mentioned to him that I was sorry we lost so many years. He said to me “I never reached out either.” Boom. For me, that was an apology. That made the hurt of so many years ago seem irrelevant. My dad died three years ago. I got to spend eighteen wonderful months with him. His legacy lives on through me, and I’m proud to carry his name.

Kick It with Donna episode – 68 Ever wonder why you do things that make sense at the time and in hindsight make no sense at all? I’m sharing an experience today that helped me learn that I am not always right. Show Notes: Through the process of healing myself from the inside out, I am discovering parts of me that are not so pretty. It isn’t easy to look at myself and find truth in the ugly. However, I’m finding that it gets easier with more practice. How do I learn and grow unless I do the dirty work first? Three years ago, I took my son and his girlfriend to New York City for a week. We stayed in a boutique hotel not far from Times Square. Seeing the 9/11 Memorial Museum was very sobering. Most of the time we took Uber, but we did get a Metrocard to take the subway. How do you visit NYC and not get on the subway? I bought show tickets for Humans. My son was late (he’s always late) which made us all late to the show by 5 minutes. They would not let us in. This ruined the night. I came home from this trip annoyed and frustrated and shared that frustration with my daughter via text. I planned on talking to my son about it in my own time when the spirit moved me. After we returned, I took my son to Mattress Firm to buy him a new mattress. My daughter texted me and asked what I was doing. I told her. She couldn’t understand why I would buy my son something when I was pissed off at him. This made me angry because I felt it was none of her business. Truth be told, she called me out on my own shit and I was angry at her for it. This is what happens when I respond out of anger. Instead of looking inward, I lashed out at her. Why? I wasn’t willing or able to come down on my son for his shit. This is a long story for a podcast on another day. This anger at my daughter lasted for quite a while. It was a few months ago that I apologized to her for taking out my inability to deal with my son on her. She was very forgiving and appreciated that I came clean on this. I hope my honesty and forthcoming resonates with you in some way. We all have our shit that we throw on others because we don’t want to dig deep into ourselves and address a problem, The truth hurts. The only one who can fix you is YOU.

Kick It with Donna episode 67 – 
Bridging The gap Between Holistic and Conventional Medicine – Does Osteoporosis have you in a bone crushing bind?  Therapy without meds is an alternative. The podcast falls under the Bridging the Gap between Conventional and Holistic medicine.  I have two guests today.  Deb McFarland is the founder of OsteoStrong in Carrollton.  Geraldyne Van Arnam has osteoporosis and is interested in hearing about Deb’s method of therapy without meds.  Geraldyne was put on a med that made her ill.  Even after discussing this with her healthcare provider, she was met with resistance.  They want me on a med that makes me sick.  How do I find a win-win here? OsteoStrong focuses on skeletal strength conditioning.  High levels of force are needed to trigger bone growth.  Deb starts your therapy with a Dexa Scan (a bone density test).  She then has you perform an isometric move on a few machines to determine a baseline.  This process takes ten minutes once a week. Your first session is complimentary.  It includes a wellness evaluation and a review of mechanical problems.  Four different machines are used to evaluate you:  upper body, lower body, core and spine. Geralyne and I both made an appointment to see Deb.  You can google osteostrong.me to find more information.  There was a lot of information covered in this podcast.  Please give it a listen.  Why not be proactive about your health?

Kick It with Donna episode 66 Bridging The gap Between Holistic and Conventional Medicine -Reiki with Dr. J Dr. J’s Tranquility Reiki Spa.  What is Reiki?  It can help you alleviate stress and anxiety, lowers blood pressure, eases pain and helps promote overall  mind-body- spirit. Show Notes:  My guest today is Jonathan Hochberg.  He is a Reiki Master for sixteen years. What is Reiki? Reiki (pronounced Ray-Kee) is a complementary therapy for all kinds of illnesses (both physical and emotional) including:  cancer, pain, chronic illnesses, anxiety, depression and is especially helpful in expediting recovery for all pre-and post-operations for medical procedures.  Essentially, the Reiki energy goes to help the innate wisdom of the body to heal.  The energy heals at a cellular level and atomic level.  It changes things by breaking up stagnant energy, adding positive energy and creating space for healing to take place. Where did Reiki come from? Dr.  Usui “discovered” Reiki energy and put a name to it in Japan in 1904.  Discovered is in parenthesis because it is believed the healing practice has been around as long as 5,000 years.  We can thank Dr. Usui for creating a specific modality and allowing people to pass down the ability to provide Reiki treatments from one-on-one training from one Reiki Master to another. How is a Reiki treatment performed?  It is totally non-invasive.  Reiki therapy involves the laying of hands on the fully-clothed patient by the Reiki practitioner.  His/her hands travel through 12 to 15 different positions, staying in each place for about 5 minutes for a total of about an hour per treatment. Are medical professionals on board with Reiki therapy? With continuous positive reactions from many patients, prestigious cancer centers like the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York, the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Texas and the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota offer Reiki classes and treatments for patients on a regular basis as well as in-service classes for their nurses and staff. How do I book a treatment? You can go to Dr. J’s website Tranquilityspadfw.com or call him at 214-505-5761. I tried Reiki for the first time three weeks ago.  Never have I been put into such a meditative state.  I describe my experience in this podcast.  I’m now a regular.  I see and feel results.

Kick It with Donna episode 65 Varsity Blues How do we make sense of the college admissions scandal?  Were you a helicopter parent or were you a parent who tried to remove obstacles from your kids path? Show Notes:  I have two guests with me today.  Chrissy Conner and her daughter Madison Auge.  Madison is 22 years old and is graduating from Oklahoma University this May.  Her degree is in Human Relations.  Chrissy owns and operates her own recruiting company, Conner International.  She recruits talent and has a gift of placing people in the right place.  She runs her company with her heart and soul. Madison’s perspective is very interesting.  She talks about how nervous she gets taking an exam and the peer pressure involved when the class takes the exam together.  Many times, there is a time limit to complete the exam.  One of her pet peeves is that everyone applying to a college is rated solely on their ACT or SAT score.  She took neither.  Her professors wrote recommendations and her entrance essay allowed her admission.  How many students out there have that same anxiety over taking an exam? Madison also felt that the reason parents chose that path to pay their kids way into the top echelon of schools might have more to do with getting into a college they couldn’t afford to get into.  What if sports is the issue here? Did the dad want to row and wasn’t good enough to do so?  Did the mom want to be a soccer star and wasn’t good enough?  Those are strong motivations. Chrissy and I felt that a sense of entitlement was involved.  People that are wealthy think that their money can buy them anything.  They think that rules are for everyone else.  Think about how that makes other students feel that got into college on their own merit.  Lawsuits will be flying (a few already are).  What about the schools themselves?  They have some questions to answer. Chrissy and Madison are very close.  Madison will be working for her mom after she graduates.  Rarely, do I see two family members that just work great together.  Chrissy is very proud of her daughter for getting into the college of her choice and is excited to work with her. Since this podcast falls under the series of Self Discovery, I found myself guilty of trying to remove obstacles from my kids’ paths.  I had to struggle, why should they?  Because they need to.  How can they ever value their achievements if they didn’t hit the potholes needed to achieve success?  This discovery is important to me.  It is helping me understand how I operate.  I can’t make changes if I’m not aware of an issue in the first place.  Hindsight is a beautiful thing isn’t it?