Created with Sketch.
Overnight Underground News
6 minutes | Jun 25, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 25th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: The Plague, it ain’t done with us yet. Texas slows its reopening. Crime skyrockets in New York City. The Dixie Chicks lose half their name and NASA is full of sh*t. These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. The plague ain’t dead yet Coronavirus is back with a vengeance. According to Axios, nationwide there is a thirty percent rise in infections compared to the beginning of the month. Arizona looks really screwed, with nearly an eighty percent uptick in cases. Seventy five percent in Michigan, seventy percent in Texas and of course, there’s always Florida, making the infection top four with sixty six percent. Heck, even California, the state where every day brings one kind of disaster or another, is seeing an uptick of forty seven percent. Texas slows its reopening The Texas Governor, Greg Abbott is putting the kibosh on his reopening plans in the Lone Stare State and ordered hospitals to postpone elective surgeries in four counties, as coronavirus cases and hospitalizations from the plague are on the uptick. CNBC notes Abbott walked back any future reopening plans due to the spread of covid in the state. Well it is Texas, they could always try shooting the virus. NYC gets lot’s o’ crime Things aren’t much better in New York City but the problems there aren’t due to the plague, per se. Crime is spreading faster than the clap in the city that never sleeps. Well, they must do some kind of sleeping, how else do you explain all that clap? NYPD Commissioner Dermot Shea has gone on record saying that the criminal justice system has essentially imploded in New York. NBC New York reports that the homicide rate in the city has hit a five-year high and the number of people shot has jumped over forty percent. New York has been experiencing kind of a perfect storm of stupidity with judicial system shutdowns, breakdown of the social nets and bail reform laws that many say just release criminals back to the streets straight after an arrest. Sounds like a perfect storm for booting deBlaiso to me. Cancel the National Anthem Let’s see, what’s on tap with the social justice shit show today. According to the Wall Street Journal a group of angry identity grievance politics ding-dongs in, where else, New York City, are refusing to sing the Star Spangled Banner at a graduation ceremony and of course, they want it replaced with something else. Something they approve of, of course. I’ll bet NWA’s Fuck the Police is in their top three. Personally, I think it should be changed to the Team America theme song. Dixie Chicks cancel half their name Oh, have you heard this one yet? The Dixie Chicks are changing their name to just The Chicks. You know, they better check with their intersectionalist overlords to see if it’s OK to be called “The Chicks.” As ‘chicks’ is a common vernacular for women, and as we all know by now, there is no such thing as gender or assigned sex. Besides, isn’t ‘Chicks’ sexist or something? They would have been better off changing their name to the “Dicks.” I do wonder when they will rename Dixie Cups to just plain ol’ Cups? According to the San Francisco Gate, The Chicks' website now says that they, quote. “want to meet this moment.” Oh, it’s a magic moment. Just in case you were wondering, the term Dixie refers to Southern U.S. states. Just to show you how incredibly stupid all this is, the Dixie Chicks play music that has it’s roots in southern culture. Country music. In fact, all historical music that’s of any worth here in the US, comes from the south. Country, blues, jazz, bluegrass, sea shanties. Outside of that, Chicks, you’ll soon learn that you can never virtue signal enough. Sooner or later, you’ll end up on the wrong end of the social justice culture wars. Tina Fey pisses off Asians Just the other day The Overnight Underground reported on Tina Fey wanting all the 30 Rock episodes that contain black face erased. Now the former SNL star is in hot water from the grievance race based intersectionalist lunatics over her portrayal of the Asian community. Yep, the self-righteous Twitter mob is after Fey for her Asian bits from Mean Girls and 30 Rock. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, sooner or later they're coming after you too. Because nothing says schadenfreude quite like racial political virtue signaling. NASA needs a new crapper Hey, NASA needs a new space toilet stat! Futurism dot com is reporting that everyone’s favorite space agency is on the lookout for a space toilet that handles half a kilogram of diarrhea. As you can imagine, taking a constitutional in zero gravity is no picnic. And if you’ve got a case of the crabapple two step, wow, I can’t even imagine. NASA is launching their Lunar Loo Challenge so that when the astronauts head back to the moon, they can park their moon on a better head. NASA is currently looking for designs and are even offering a twenty thousand dollar reward for the best designed zero gravity porcelain god. Twenty grand huh, that’s a lot of Taco Bell.
7 minutes | Jun 24, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 24th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: Biden takes the lead. New York tells Florida to stay the hell away. The Seattle Mayor rains on ANTIFA’s parade. The statue mobs are getting a little handsy and it’s time to stop exercising. These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Biden takes the lead in new poll Don’t look now but Biden has a fourteen point lead in the latest polling. MSN News reports that doddering old political fool number two, Joseph Biden, is making inroads with women and nonwhite voters. All of this is according to a new poll of registered voters by The New York Times and Siena College. Biden leads the poll with fifty percent, doddering old fool number one, Bullwinkle J Trump takes thirty six percent and fourteen percent will vote for “other.” I don’t know about you, but other has my vote too. NY tells Fla to stay away Three states in the North East are mandating quarantine for Florida visitors. New York, New Jersey and Connecticut have all set a fourteen day quarantine for visitors from the sunshine and pandemic state. Now if Florida could only figure out a way to time travel backwards and keep those obnoxious New Yorkers from migrating to Florida in the first place, it would be a pretty damn good place to live. NBC News is reporting Florida joins Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Washington, Utah and Texas as states with infection rates high enough to warrant the quarantine, so says New York Governor, King and strongman dictator Andrew Cuomo. Where to pee? So maybe some states opened up too early and now they’re paying a high price. We’re looking at you Florida and Texas. But with most states only partially reopened, there is still one major pressing issue yet to be addressed. Where the hell do you take a leak? Vice News, that bastard, ah bastion of journalistic integrity points out the obvious, with public and business bathrooms either unavailable or unsafe, the good people of many US cities are whipping it out in public or peeing in their pants. According to one completely un-scientific poll, around fifty eight percent are holding it till they get home and over twenty one percent are just letting it rip in the great wide open. All the rest? Depends. Seattle terminates autonomous It seems that even the pinko, pansy, bed wetting Mayor of Seattle has finally had enough of the so-called “occupied” protest zone in the downtown area of that former great city. Mayor Jenny Durkan has called for the dismantling of the “Capitol Hill Occupied Protest Zone,” the autonomous six block area of the city. It was just a few days ago when the Mayor likened the protest zone to a new quote: “Summer of Love.” But all that was before the last forty eight hours saw multiple instances of violence sprouting in the new “Summer of Love” zone with at least two shootings, which left multiple injuries and one dead. The Mayor is calling for the Police to retake the confederate section of the city and re-occupy the abandoned police station in the zone. What will those peaceful protesters do? Here’s what one told ABC 10 news in Seattle after hearing the news. What a shit show. The mob in Wisconsin is a little out of hand The angry statue destroying mobs are starting to get a little sporty. CBS News reports that in Madison, Wisconsin, peaceful protesters there reportedly tore down two statues and threw a beat down on openly gay state Senator Tim Carpenter. To make matters worse, the peaceful protesters who attacked the Senator, also trashed a statue of anti-slavery activist Hans Christian Heg. Heg’s statue was decapitated and thrown into a lake by the protesters. The idiot’s in the mob either didn’t know or care that Heg was an abolitionist who fought on the side of the Union. Still it’s also true he was a notorious violent carnivore who exclusively used binary pronouns. So yea, he totally deserved it. DC send in Guard All this begs the question, how do you keep angry mobs from tearing down statues? In DC thef are sending in the National Guard. The Hill reports that unarmed members of The Guard are being deployed to the nation’s Capital to lend a hand to Park Police to secure DC’s national monuments. Guard members are expected to stay in The Capitol through the Fourth of July and may number as high as four hundred. Lets just ponder all this for a minute, we’re in the midst of a global pandemic, the President is duller than a bag of Kardashians and millions are out of work. And what are the useful idiots doing? Tearing down monuments. Honestly. Stop exercising now You need to stop exercising and you need to stop it right now. A new study out of Japan is noting that daily strenuous activity, such as exercise, might actually shorten your lifespan. According to Study Finds dot org, researchers at the Tokyo Institute of Technology found that Kabuki actors, with very active lifestyles, had shorter lifespans than the lazy Japanese who just sat around watching tentacle porn all day. The researchers believe that the aggressive endurance training necessary for the Kabuki performances neutralizes the usual benefits of exercise. So go ahead, put a little extra mayo on the pizza and pass the pork fat sushi.
7 minutes | Jun 23, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 23rd 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: The EU may ban Americans. Fauchi testifies before Congress. Mel Gibson and Jimmy Kimmel, meet cancel culture. Greta on black lives matter and your cat may be a cock blocker These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. The EU wants you to stay home. If you were thinking about traveling to Europe, you better do it quick. News today that EU countries are considering a ban of American’s allegedly due to failure of Merican’ authorities to control the coronavirus. DNYUZ reports that this would lump American’s in with Russians and Brazilians as banned travelers to the European Union. EU officials are currently negotiating over their ban list. Oh heck, with the bureaucracy in the EU, it will probably be next year before they figure it all out. Still, one thing is for sure, they really do hate America, so maybe they can agree on that. Fauchi lectures other old white men Doctor Fauchi is back, and he’s not spreading good news. Fauchi told Congress basically that the US is a really big place and that while some parts of the US are doing better battling the pandemic, other areas are pretty much screwed. Lot’s of FUD from the little infectious Italian man on Capitol Hill. Mel Gibson canceled Today’s celebrity entering the revolving and revolting door of the cancel culture is, wait for it, Mel Gibson. Variety reports that former Beverly Hills shoplifter and all around creepy Hollywood **** Winona Ryder has accused Mel Gibson of making anti-semetic and homophobic remarks. According to Winona, Gibson allegedly said at a party regarding folks of the Jewish persuasion, ‘You’re not an oven dodger, are you?’ I’ll bet that went over like a led balloon. Of course Gibson denies the whole thing. But what does it matter, in the court of public opinion lorded over by the new orthodoxy and religious dogma of cancel culture, we are all guilty until proven innocent. And by then, it’s too late and you’re already screwed. In completely unrelated news, Mel Gibson has been replaced in his voice over role in the next installment of the animated feature Chicken Run. How will he cope?! Jimmy Kimmel canceled But wait, there’s more. Jimmy Kimmel is also on the cancel culture chopping block today. According to HNHH News, Kimmel allegedly said the word which can not be uttered and also wore blackface at one point in his existence. There are also allegations of some kind of silly inappropriate behaviour with an underage Megan Fox. Black face Oh Fey Let’s see, what else. Tina Fey is doing her best celebrity virtue signaling and requesting that episodes of 30 Rock featuring blackface be erased. My god, isn’t she just a glorious example of Hollywood exceptionalism and sainthood to model our meaningless lives after? Fey said in Variety magazine: "I apologize for pain they have caused. Going forward, no comedy-loving kid needs to stumble on these tropes and be stung by their ugliness." Didn’t someone once say, comedy is not pretty? Tina, just go stick your head in a bucket of creosote and inhale deeply already. Thus Spake Greta Today’s sound byte of the day, comes from the high priest and grand social justice supreme commissioner of the kindly inquisition, Greta Thornberg, smacking down her two cents on the black lives matter movement. Our lord and saviour, seventeen year old saint Greta Thornberg on the BBC. If you really think about it objectively, people look up and listen to her as if she has the wisdom of Nietzsche or the Dali Lama. When in truth, she hasn’t even finished high school yet, and I should listen to her words of wisdom? But you all go right ahead and enjoy your shared psychotic delusional disorder. Apple Watch is watching you masturbate Maybe you’ve heard that one of the new features of the Apple Watch is that it can now let you know when to wash your hands. So it begs the question, is the Apple Watch just like ceiling cat, and paying attention to when you masturbate? If so, one has to wonder what the fruity computer company is doing with all of that jerky data. Yea, I know, we do hear there is a fap for that. Nothing quite says I love you, more than getting an Apple Watch and a Shake Weight for your birthday. Women hate your pussy, cat Men, if you have a cat as a pet, the research shows that you’re less likely to get any action. A new study from Colorado State University notes women are less likely to even consider dating some looser who owns a cat. So for god’s sake, don’t put pictures of you and your cat online if you want a right swipe. Men who have pictures online with their pussy are viewed as less masculine; more neurotic and less dateable. CBSN Denver reports that the study points out that, “Women prefer men with ‘good genes’ and that clearly, the presence of a cat diminishes that perception.” Besides, men with cat’s probably sport a man bun.
6 minutes | Jun 22, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 22nd 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: What if you had a rally and no one cared? NASCAR gets the flag. Great, now there after my pancake syrup. Chicago sets a new record and pennies are the new toilet paper. These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. President Trump had his first rally following months of quarantine from the pandemic and when all was said and done, the Tulsa venue was only about a third full. I guess The President will have to walk back that boast about all his events never having empty seats. For those with Trump derangement syndrome, it was schadenfreude extraordinaire watching the great orange one have a big failure right out of the campaign kick-off box. For those brainwashed by Trump, who cares, their eyes are still spinning for their great white dope. If you’re keeping track of such things, Trump has a thirty eight percent approval rate. Speaking of being out of action. You may have noticed last week the Overnight Underground was out to pasture. Yea, I was down with some sort of mystery illness. But good lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, we’re back. Confederate NASCAR Over the weekend, at the Talladega Superspeedway, the race may have been canceled, but that didn’t stop NASCAR fans from showing their disapproval of the recent ban of the Confederate Flag at stock car races. ESPN reported a plane flew above the track towing a banner of a Confederate flag that read, "Defund NASCAR." Aunt Jemima bad In other cancel culture news, Quaker Oats may be canceling the Aunt Jemima brand, but that change isn’t making everyone happy. The family of the woman, Lillian Richard, who was the model and spokesman behind the iconic image on the pancake syrup and mix isn’t pleased with the erasure of their relatives' hard work. That’s a descendant of the actual Aunt Jemima on WIFR TV in East Texas. Tear down Robert Moses The latest statue to get the bullseye for coming down? The man known as the “Master Builder” in New York City is the latest bronze bubba to have protesters call for statues in his honor to be erased. Ten Ten WINS reports the angry mob wants the statue in Babylon, Long Island to indeed kiss the dirt. Hell, why stop there, he was the great architect for New York City, just burn the whole damn city to the ground, now that would be some mighty fine erasin’. Lenin gets statue in Germany In a somewhat related story, the citizens of Gelsenkirchen in West Germany won the right to erect a statue of Lenin after a lengthy legal battle. So while here in the US, we’re busy tearing down statues of Lincoln, Grant and Daffy Duck, Germany gets a new statue of the first leader of Soviet Russia. With a death toll under his belt estimated somewhere north of three million souls. Chicago breaks record What the hell is going on in Chicago? The Sun Times reports that one hundred and four people were shot over the weekend in the windy city and fourteen died from gunshot wounds. Those deaths included a 3-year-old boy and 13-year-old girl. This is a new record for shooting victims for the year in the windy city. Congratulations to all involved. Pennies new toilet paper Here’s something you didn’t expect. Forget the toilet paper shortage, the US is now in a coin shortage. NPR reports that American banks are running low on pocket change. It seems that due to the pandemic, what else, the Federal Reserve has been forced to ration nickels, dimes, quarters and yes even pennies. When the banks shut down their lobbies from the rona’ virus, those unused coins in your piggy bank backed up (excuse the pun), leading to a shortage nationwide and pennies becoming the new toilet paper. Wasn’t it just last week that chickens were declared the new toilet paper? Personally, I don’t want to wipe my ass with either one of them. Bringing new meaning to the phase, “Change we can relieve in:” Eel’s and rectum do not go together Speaking of... We’re back to another story about another Chinaman sticking inappropriate things in places where the sun don’t shine. According to that bastion of journalistic integrity, the Daily Mail, a man in his fifties in Guangdong, sauntered into the hospital complaining of abdominal pain. In a million years you will never guess what the doctors found? It seems Mister Mensa had inserted a 16-inch live eel into his to quote; 'treat his constipation.' Now before you try anything similar, Mister Gere, this Chinese idiot in question underwent emergency surgery after having his colin torn apart by the slimy creature.
9 minutes | Jun 12, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 12th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: The great statue war of 2020. Fawlty Towers falls. Starbucks not woke, woke. Band Aids woke. Lawlessness in Seattle and three tales of the po po. These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. The Great Statue War Get ready for the first weekend of the great statue war. In London, they’ve completely encased the statue of Winston Churchill so protesters can’t deface and topple the statue of a man that just a few scant years ago was voted England’s greatest Britton. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson. Christopher Columbus, Cecil Rhodes, Robert the Bruce in Scotland and Belgium’s King Leopold have all been the targets of angry mobs of woke il-liberals. What’s the end game? Well, now English protesters are calling for the destruction of the Great Pyramids of Giza in Egypt and in the US, CNN talking head Angela Rye has called for statues of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson to be torn down. Like we didn’t see that coming. Meanwhile, across the pond, Nigel Farage resigned from his radio show with, quote “immediate effect” on Thursday. This comes following Farage’s comparison of the statue demolishers to the Taliban. Referring to the destruction of the two thousand year old Buddhas of Bamyan by the Talaban in 2001. Well, if the shoe fits. Cancel everything Just how absurd can all this get? Well, an episode of the classic TV comedy “Fawlty Towers has been removed from UKTV. So far John Cleese, the Monty Python star who played Basil on the series, hasn’t commented on the move. Not to be outdone, the Nick Jr. cartoon Paw Patrol is being targeted by activists. It seems that the positive slant of the police dogs portrayed on the cartoon are just more than the offended woke mob can deal with. Starbucks Black Lives (don’t/do) Matter Just as news came in from burnt coffee giant Starbucks that they will be closing some four hundred stores in North America, the Seattle brown liquid proprietor released a statement that workers in its store will not be allowed to wear pro black lives matter attire. Although Starbucks has gotten on the corporate bandwagon of virtue signaling their support for BLM, they just don’t want employees showing their political colors on the job. All of this comes from that bastard, uh bastion of journalistic integrity BuzzFeed, who has posted an internal Starbucks memo online. The memo states that BLM flair does not conform to Starbucks dress code policy banning pins representing “political, religious or personal issue[s]” All I can say is, ’m sure the mob is coming for you next, despite your corporate virtue signaling. OK, forget everything I just said, Starbucks just caved. According to CNN, Starbucks is reversing the position prohibiting employees from wearing paraphernalia, such as T-shirts or pins supporting BLM. Wonder if this new policy includes all political paraphernalia? Expect someone to get fired for wearing a Trump hat or Goldwater pin and lawsuits to commence forthwith. Me thinks Starbucks just opened their own bag of whoopass. Band-Aid gets woke Let’s see, what else we got here. Band-Aids are becoming more inclusive. According to an article on KVUE-TV, Band-Aid is expanding products for all skin tones. The company is set to launch bandages in light, medium and deep shades of brown and black skin tones. That should fix just about everything. Seattle Autonomous Zone Update We got a couple three police stories for you. In the continuing saga of Lawless in Seattle, the police chief has now gone on record that city officials in the people's republic of Seattle left the po po out to dangle in the wind during the recent riots and protests. Well, even though she’s black, she isn’t towing the woke Seattle intersectionalist agenda, so she can probably kiss her job goodbye. As a side note, Trump continues his Twitter war of words with the Seattle and Washington State political machine. Tweeting Friday morning, quote: “Seattle Mayor says, about the anarchists takeover of her city, “it is a Summer of Love”. That’s Seattle Mayor dingbat Durkin. Trump continues: “These Liberal Dems don’t have a clue. The terrorists burn and pillage our cities, and they think it is just wonderful, even the death. Must end this Seattle takeover now!” I wonder what he’s really thinking? No pee at Berklee Five Oh The Berklee College of Music is apologizing for allowing the Boston Police to use their facilities to relieve themselves during the recent unrest in the city. According to Fox News, the school apologized for, quote: “perpetuating feelings of oppression, silencing and marginalization” after it let Boston Police use its bathrooms. You know, you just can’t make this shit up. San Fran surrenders Meanwhile, in San Francisco, the Police have announced that in accordance with the current political climate of calls for defunding the po po and to limit unnecessary confrontation between the police department and the community, the San Fran boys in blue will no longer respond to non-criminal calls. The web site Watch our City reports Mayor London Breed also noted that the city will ban the use of military-grade weapons and divert funding to the African-American community. Murder over dog poop Now this is one fucked up story. A woman in Denver was shot and killed because she was talking to her dog, trying to convince the pooch to do its duty. According to the Denver Post, twenty one year old Isabella Thallas was walking her dog with a friend near Coors Field when a verbal altercation ensued with someone in an apartment, over her telling her dog to hurry up and poop. Thirty six year old Michael Close then allegedly opened fire on the couple shooting Thallas dead. Police later nabbed the reputed shooter Wednesday driving on a nearby highway. A rifle and a handgun were found in his car. A GoFundMe page has been set up for the woman’s family to cover funeral expenses.
7 minutes | Jun 11, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 11th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: A confederacy in Seattle. Statues fall everywhere. If you’re bald don’t get covid. Hot pants are back. NASCAR bans it’s unofficial symbol and you computer may be a slave owner. These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Seattle goes full retard Not sure if you’ve been keeping up on the continuing saga of protesters and their confederacy happening in Seattle. But here’s a brief rundown. A group of protesters have taken over a six block area in downtown Seattle and christened it the “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone.” Included in this area is a police station, which the Seattle police have abandoned and surrendered to the protesters. The new leaders of the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone have renamed the police precinct the “Seattle People Department.” Although the protesters say it’s all about peace and love, there have been alleged instances of violence, profiling and shakedowns of business in the new Zone. The Police and city government have decided not to react to the rebellion and the Governor said during a news conference that he didn’t even know the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone even existed. Wait, you’ve got a group setting up an autonomous government in your states largest city, and you don’t even know about it. Trump has called for the Mayor and Governor to act and they have tweeted back that they think the President is a nincompoop or something. Trump has threatened to send in his own goon squad to liberate the area from the current goon squad and take back the city. Now comes news that in Portland, a group there is attempting to set up their own Autonomous Zone. Come on, it’s not anarchy, they’re just setting up a new HOA. The whole thing is a total shit show. Statues next on the cancel culture chopping block The cancel culture has turned up the cancel to eleven. Statues are coming down in the US and England faster than you can say critical race theory. A statue of Confederate President Jefferson Davis was ripped from it’s plinth in Richmond and statues of Columbus in Boston, Miami and Virginia have been vandalised. In England, there even after a statue of the head of the Boyscouts. In Portsmouth, Virginia, a statue of Confederate President Jefferson Davis seriously injured a protester as it fell and whacked said protester squarely on the noggin. The pronoun is reportedly in critical condition. In England a statue of Queen Victoria was sexualized and defaced with black lives matter graffiti. I’ve got an idea, let’s tear all the statues down, everywhere and replace every single one of them with statues of our lord and savior George Floyd. Mount Rushmore, George Floyd. Lincoln Memorial, George Floyd. Will that make you happy? Didn’t think so. Leave it to cleaver You ever notice that every couple of days there’s some Chinese human that ends up with something lodged in their or some other uncompromising or unfortunate body part. The Daily Mail reports, complete with footage available to watch at the overnight underground website, of a man in the Hubei province walking into a hospital with a meat cleaver squarely implanted in his skull. According to the article the mishap took place after a heated argument. Probably over MSG. Bald men suffer more, from coronavirus Well here’s the latest piece of science you can probably ignore. According to Professor Carlos Wambier of Brown University, bald men may suffer more from coronavirus. The New York Post reports that the follically challenged may have a much higher vulnerability to the disease. In one study, almost eighty percent of coronavirus patients in three Madrid hospitals were bald. I wonder how they explain all the women dead from the disease. Maybe it’s time to buy stock in Rogaine, Trump will undoubtedly start touting it as a cure any minute now. Hot pants make comeback Well here’s some good news No really! Hot pants are back in fashion. Yahoo is reporting that those butt huggin’ short shorts are back and just in time for the steamy summer weather. Because in today’s political climate, nothing says liberation quite like the objectification of women. Other cancelations Just in case you were wondering, Coachella and the StageCoach 2020 festivals have been officially canceled. Sound byte of the day Here’s my favorite sound-byte of the day, it’s a protest in a Seattle municipal building .Someone got told. NASCAR surrenders the flag NASCAR has banned the flying of the Confederate flag at its races. Makes you wonder, what are the rednecks going to wear? They all gonna’ go naked? There is no truth to the rumor that the hammer and sickle sidgel are the new official colors for NASCAR. After all, the drivers have only been turning left for decades now. On next year's NASCAR schedule, the Compton 500. Your computer is racist I’ll bet you didn’t see this one coming. In light of the current politically correct climate, CNet is reporting a growing movement to update terms used with hard drives, camera flashes and databases. There is a growing howl from the woke circles in tech to erase the terms "master" and "slave." The terms are used to describe the relationships between two computer hard drives and other hardware relationships, such as camera flashes. Come on, just admit it, it really is getting ridiculous isn’t it.
6 minutes | Jun 10, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 10th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: The cancel culture just keeps rollin’ along. Disney and Paramount targeted are with the cancelation bullseye. Boris Johnson brings back sex to the Brits. New York offers coronavirus sex advice and the Republicans are moving to Florida, well, not all of them. These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. The Cancel Culture update Well we’re still keeping tabs on everything the social justice pharisees have banned or canceled in the last 24 hours. Let’s see, HBO Max has ‘temporarily’ removed the movie “Gone with the Wind” from their streaming service. I guess HBO believes the film adaptation of Margaret Mitchell’s book is just too vile for us uneducated pleb’s to view. The network said that it will reinstate the classic film with an updated statement on racial depictions within the film. That should be ok. They believe long as I watch it with the proper explanation from a corporation that gives me a dispensation to view it with their objective viewpoint of right-think, it will all be good. Frankly HBO. Cops gets canceled Let’s see, what else, the show Cops has been canceled. Paramount has canceled the show after over three decades of cop chases, meth busts and toothless hooker arrests. A spokesman, wait, can we say ‘man’ is that still allowed? Anyway a spokespronoun said, quote: "Cops is not on the Paramount Network and we don't have any current or future plans for it to return." Viewers of the show also issued a statement, "now that Cops is not on the Paramount Network, we don't have any current or future plans for us to return to the network." The show “Live PD” also looks like it may soon get the axe. However the host of the show, Dan Abrams, Tweeted, the show will return, despite an uproar over their filming and subsequent erasure of a black man’s death during a 2019 Texas police stop. Of course resumption of Live PD assumes that the US will have any remaining police departments for the camera crews to follow around after the current mass hysteria for defunding and abolishment of the popo. Disney cancelations in progress Oh and there are calls to have Disney shut down Splash Mountain. The kerfuffle is due to the ride being themed to the now anathema Disney movie “Song of the South.” Advocates have set up a petition to force the mouse house to change the attraction. I know, how about Space Splash Mountain, Where Imperial Stormtroopers force you take a tTurkish steam bath at gunpoint with Jabba the Hut, just to prove your not racist or something. Boris brings back sex Today British Prime Minister Boris Johnson introduced and new term for sex, the “support bubble.” I wonder if this means porn hub premium isn’t free anymore? I think this move by the Brit’s is primarily for those who can’t keep their c@ck down during lockdown. Who knows, maybe for those over fifty, “support bubble” is slang for erectile dysfunction drugs. Sex in NY Meanwhile across the pond in New York CIty, city health officials have delivered updated guidance for sex in the big apple, and other places too. The advisory advises to, quote: “Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.” So are they saying glory holes are OK? If social distancing isn’t your thing, the advisory recommends “well-ventilated spaces” for group sex. And who doesn’t. And don’t forget to bring along alcohol-based hand sanitizer. Yea’ gotta’ keep those hands clean, you don’t know where they’ve been. Washington drones According to U.S. Customs and Border Protection commissioner Mark Morgan, the drones used during the Washington protests slash riots were not used to spy on protesters. Morgan told ABC News that, quote: "We were not providing any resources to surveil lawful peaceful protesters. That's not what we were doing," That’s totally believable. Maybe they were being used to tag speeders. Republican convention to move to Florida Rumor has it today that the Republicans will move their convention to Jacksonville. According to multiple sources including US News and World Report, the RNC is planning a two-part convention which will take place in two separate locations with the big shindigs taking place in Jacksonville. Even though Jacksonville has plenty of hotels and venues for the convention, the RNC may have a hell of a time finding anything big enough to house Trump’s massive ego. Jacksonville huh, That reminds me of the old joke: What has 8 legs and three teeth? The night shift at the Jacksonville Waffle House.
5 minutes | Jun 9, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 9th 2020
It’s time for the Overnight Underground News Podcast. I’m John Ford. George Floyd fest Ah, it’s kind of a boring news day today, but that could all change in a flash. On Monday there was a viewing of the body of our lord and savior George Floyd and of course today is the wall to wall coverage of the George Floyd funeral. Democrats staged one of those take a knee moments for eight minutes and 46 seconds in DC on Monday. Nancy Pelosi had a hard time getting back up as her knees gave out. Probably not the first time for that. The Democrats pushed their Justice in Policing Act and Republicans said no, police are friends not food. The whole damn thing feels just like an endless and perpetually annoying kabuki theatre. Just turn it off already and step away from the TV and Twitter if you know what’s good for you. Army may rename bases The Army has announced they are ready to surrender to cancel culture and the politics of victimhood. Army brass yesterday said they are considering changing names of forts and bases that are named after Confederate generals. Among those bases that are being considered for name change are Fort Bragg in North Carolina, Fort Benning in Georgia and Fort Hood in Texas. That one could just become Fort Boys in the Hood. That would work. There is no truth to the rumors that some of the names being considered as replacements for the racist, offensive, objectionable and mean fort names are: Fort Looser, Fort Surrender, Fort Politically Correct, Fort Pu**y, Fort White Flag, Fort PornHub, Fort McFortyface, Fort Gomer, Fort Social Justice Warrior, Fort Honorable Elijah Muhammad, Fort Duchebag and of course Fort A**hole. Cancel culture of the day report Here’s some more cancel culture news. Adam Rapoport, The Editor in Chief over at Bon Appétit has stepped down. No it wasn’t because he ordered fried chicken. It seems an old Instagram post with Rapoport in brownface surfaced on Monday, and of course, that calls for erasing him from existence. The Wrap reports that Rapoport said he is, quote: “stepping down as editor in chief of Bon Appétit to reflect on the work that I need to do as a human being.” As opposed to work he did in the past as what? A gerbil, fish, a wallaby? It seems it’s just too much for anyone to take after the picture of Rapoport surfaced from a Halloween costume he wore 16 years ago. Honestly, I’ve seen the picture and he just looks like your typical douche bag Yankees fan. But here’s something I always wondered. Why is it not acceptable to dress in black or brown face, but it’s perfectly acceptable for men to dress as women in drag wearing the most ridiculous makeup and clothes that many would say are demeaning women. HI mean, there's even top rated TV shows dedicated to this misogyny. Makes no sense to me. But then none of this cancel culture, social justice, neo-marxist postmodernism does. No more streaming Little Britain for you Oh hell, let’s just cancel TV shows while we're at it. The Guardian reports the TV show Little Britain has been axed from all UK streaming platforms. The erasure is due to concerns about the use of blackface by its two stars, David Walliams and Matt Lucas. The BBC Ministry of Truth said, quote: “Times have changed since Little Britain first aired, so it is not currently available on BritBox.” I say it’s time to target All in the Family next. Archie Bunker must be canceled. North Korea throws a hissy fit North Korea is back in the news. According to multiple reports, North Korea has cut all communication channels with their neighbors in the South. This latest move from the North comes as it escalates pressure on South Korea for failing to stop activists from floating anti-Pyongyang leaflets, money and thumb drives with movies and music across the border. According to the Guardian, North Korea said it will make Soul suffer for its actions. Isn’t having to live next to North Korea suffering enough. I’d report on more, but honestly, I’ve just had enough for today. I need to keep a little bit of my sanity.
9 minutes | Jun 8, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 8th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: Refund the police, oh wait, that’s defund the police. In New York the murder rate is on the rise. The cancel culture racks up at least three over the weekend. Your Sims may have STD’s and no donut discounts for the po po in Rhode Island. These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Bad cop no money The city of Minneapolis has come up with a novel way to deal with rioting, looting and what now seems like perpetual protesting, they’re going to disband the police department. Come to think about it, what better way to lower crime rates than to dismantle and defund the police. No police, no reported crime. Minneapolis Council President Lisa Bender told CNN Wait, that’s the wrong Bender. That's Minneapolis Council President Lisa Bender, saying the same thing twice. I wonder how many times she rehearsed that? So what do they do next without a police department? According to Bender, the city will move police funding toward community-based strategies and the city council will hold discussions on how to replace the current police department. Wait, she’s admitting they’re scrapping the police department and they don’t know what they’re actually going to replace it with? Hey, there’s been a homicide, quick, send in the social workers. I wonder how Walmart and Target will feel about rebuilding their stores in Minneapolis, with them being guarded by the city council and social workers? Murder rates rise in New York Meanwhile in New York City with the protests and lootings of the last week, shootings and murders rose dramatically in the big apple. The New York Post reports that compared to the same period last year murders nearly tripled From Sunday to Monday there were thirteen murders in New York city and forty shootings. At least one shooting in the city was allegedly attributable to looting when one alleged looter was shot by another alleged looter, allegedly in SoHo during the alleged rioting and looting in New Looterville, allegedly formerly known as New York. Allegedly. New York Times cancels editor The cancel culture has been working overtime in the media over the weekend. At the New York Times the Editorial Page Editor, James Bennet, resigned following the paper publishing an op-ed from Republican Senator Tom Cotton. According to The Hill, the newspaper’s announcement of the resignation did not mention the controversy over the Cotton op-ed. The Times must think we’re all idiots not admitting that the two aren’t related. Philadelphia Inquirer cancels editor The top editor of The Philadelphia Inquirer also resigned over the weekend. Stan Wischnowski fell on his sword following the printing of an article with the headline “Buildings Matter, Too.” Maybe they should have titled it “Black Buildings Matter, Too”.The paper printed an apology and said they were sorry because some found the article offensive. I agree, it’s time to put an end to printing anything that might possibly offend someone, it’s just criminal. I’d say they should be arrested, but once we abolish the police, who’s going to arrest them? I know, send in the social workers. Variety cancels editor Meanwhile, over at Variety, Editor in Chief Claudia Eller has been placed on administrative leave. This comes after a heated exchange on Twitter, wait is there any other kind, over the lack of newsroom diversity. I’d give you the gory details, but let’s just say someone is offended and angry over something and blah, blah, blah ad infinitum ad nauseam. JK Rowling called on carpet over belief in biological sex JK Rowling is next on the cancel culture weekend list. It seems the Harry Potter author has stopped her tiptoeing around the mirky pseudo-scientific world of biological sex. Rowling Tweeted over the weekend, among other things, that “ If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased.” Needless to say the Trans community, was, wait for it, offended. Yea, the twitter outrage squad have called the tweets “anti-trans” and “transphobic.” I know, let’s force her to get a hysterectomy and buy her a pair of truck nuts and start calling her Joe, that will teach that f**king TERF. My question is, if biological sex isn’t real, why do people feel the need to transition from one unreality to another? https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/1269382518362509313 Sims catch STD’s Your Sim’s may have the clap. A new update to Sims 4 has apparently given urinating sims flaming pee. The gaming website RPS notes the latest update does indeed give Sims depending on how you look at it, either a new superpower or an STD, fire piss. It seems that it doesn’t matter if you stand up or sit down to do your duty, the fire is still there. That’s what she said. Some redditors have noted that the fire pee seems to happen if the bathroom and hence the toilet is above the kitchen. Maybe it’s a gas leak or something. Either way, shit, or in this case, piss, does indeed roll down hill. Chinese man’s butt is fishy In China, a man recently had to have a fish removed from his rectum. The Daily Mail reports a 30-year-old man had doctors remove a whole fish from his rectum after he said he sat on it by accident. The doctors made the fishy discovery after the man was admitted to the hospital for severe abdominal pain. I wonder if it was billy bass? Then he’d really be talking out his ass. Cops to pay full price for diabetes In Rhode Island it really is bad cop no donut time. Allie’s Donuts, in North Kingstown, Rhode Island, recently announced via Instagram that they will no longer be offering discounts to police officers or members of the military. Why? Because of recent accusations of racism and injustice against the local police department of course. It goes without saying that people are outraged and hurt all the way around. Me, I have a dream that one day that it will become self-evident that all of God's donuts are created equally delicious. Until then, no crullers, no peace, no discount for the police. Assault by burger Wait, this might be a new one, assault by hamburger. TSG reports that a Florida woman assaulted her beau with a burger that started with an argument over an open window in the couples trailer. Wow, there is so much wrong with that sentence I just wouldn’t know where to begin. Anyway, according to the report, 47-year-old Tanya Cordero denies the assault by burger, but the cops say there were still hamburger remnants in the alleged assaulted man’s ear when the cops arrived. Cordero was charged with domestic battery and later released from jail on her own recognizance. It’s not the first time Cordero has been in trouble with the cops for assaulting her partner, in January, she was convicted of battering her boyfriend over their children’s Halloween costumes and served three months in jail.
3 minutes | Jun 5, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 5th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: There’s good employment news today. White folk get bigger job gains but blacks and hispanics, well not so much and a tale of two mayors. Today on the Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Good news for Jobs Hey, here’s some. No really, it actually is good news. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics the US unemployment rate has actually fallen. The index fell to thirteen point three percent, and the economy actually gained two and a half million jobs despite the damn plague. Needless to say, Wall Street latched on to the jobs report and was up around seven hundred points at market open. The good economic news comes during the phased reopening of businesses across the country. Dentists lead the way The Week reports that ten percent of the employment gains were due to dentists. Just under a quarter of a million of the job gains came from dentists' offices, as dental patients were less down in the mouth about the safety of returning to the dentist. There is also further proof now that reports are inherently racist. Bloomberg notes that while white employment rose, that wasn’t the case for black folk. The unemployment rate for black American’s rose to sixteen point eight percent. Latino’s fared the worst, with just over seventeen and a half percent unemployed. Cleveland gets a new city motto In the past Cleveland has had one or two regrettable monikers. There’s the “Mistake by the lake” and of course the unofficial motto of Cleveland, “Hey, at least we’re not Detroit.” Thanks to the mayor of Cleveland, they now have a new one. Well bless his heart. Yep, that’s Cleveland mayor Frank Jackson from an interview on The Appeal. Let me tell you, I spent a month in Cleveland one weekend, and outside of the burning river, it wasn’t that bad. Simi Valley mayor is full of sh*t Simi Valley don’t take no shit. On Monday, Simi Valley Mayor Pro Tem Mike Judge posted a meme on Facebook, which read, “Wanna stop the riots? Mobilize the septic tank trucks, put a pressure cannon on ’em, and hose ’em down.” Today, many are calling for him to resign. Judge, a near 30-year veteran with the LAPD, said the meme was a joke. Well, joke or not, it’s 2020 and if you haven’t gotten the memo, the world is officially a no joke zone. A lot of people were offended, and that is the new unforgivable sin, so the Mayor must be canceled. Well, at least he didn’t call the city the There is that.
8 minutes | Jun 4, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 4th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: Mattis turns on Trump. America exports it’s latest resource, rioting. LA is engulfed with trash. Oh yea, there is a pandemic, I forgot. America is in desperate need of more guns and what do porn, death and psychedelic toads have in common? . We’ll find out on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Protest and rioting update Let’s see, since yesterday we’ve learned that according to the autopsy report, George Floyd was infected with covid and was feeling pretty good, well at least before he had a knee on his throat, it seems he was on nice opioid buzz from fentanyl. Former Defense chief Mad Dog Mattis is the latest former Trump ally to turn on the Prez. Mattis told The Atlantic, quote: “Donald Trump is the first president in my lifetime who does not try to unite the American people—does not even pretend to try. Instead he tries to divide.” Trump unleashed back at the news Mattis had thrown him under the bus, tweeting: “I didn’t like his “leadership” style or much else about him, and many others agree. Glad he is gone!” America’s greatest export: Rioting The spread of what seems to be America’s greatest export this week, rioting and violence is beginning to get out of hand across the pond.There was rioting last night outside 10 Downing Street in London. The sound of rioters throwing, well pretty much anything they can get their hands on, at the Prime Ministers residence in London. There have been reports of attacks against journalists by the peaceful protesters in London. One photojournalist was allegedly hit over the head with a bottle by a protester who reportedly yelled “f**k the daily mail,” while committing said assault. Another reporter from Australia was grabbed by a man while on air who made stabbing motions and yelled Aloha Snackbar. There have been reports of rioting taking place as far away as Athens with peaceful protesters torching the American embassy in Athens. Some ho in Houston Our sound byte of the day comes today from Houston. Check out this protester offering her, ah, services to the boy’s in blue of the Houston Police Department. I’ll bet she does. Wonder if she has any coupons for bulk purchases? You know, for the whole precinct and all. LA is nothing but garbage Here’s a protest / riot statistic you probably haven't heard. In LA, the city’s sanitation workers have collected nearly four hundred tons of trash between Friday and Tuesday. Watch Our City dot com reports crews have collected three hundred and ninety five tons of trash, rocks, bricks, bulky and burnt materials created from the recent unrest and looting. Remember, there is still a pandemic Sorry to take the attention away from protests and riots, but we do have some pandemic news to report. Just under two million new unemployment claims were filed last week, that brings the pandemic job losses to a whopping grand total of forty two point six million folks left without gainful employment, and it’s taken one week shy of three months to get there. As bad as that is, the latest figures are the lowest since the week that ended on March 21st, when the full impact of state-mandated lockdowns was felt. But now that we’re no longer under lockdown, and protesting side by side in the streets and all back to work, it’s all good. No worries. Besides, it’s all a hoax anyway. Covid surge probably on the way But just in case you don’t think the whole pandemic thing is a hoax, there is this news. CNN is reporting that new cases of covid are surging in the south and west of the US. Needless to say, the crowded protests here in the land of the free and home of the naive are sparking new worries. Arkansas, Texas and Arizona are states seeing spikes in new cases of the plague. Even the Surgeon General is voicing his concerns over the spread of coronavirus from the densely packed black lives matter protests. Surgeon General Dr. Jerome Adams told Politico on Monday, that there will likely be a rash of new infections following the protests. One little piece of advice to the protesters and looters, remember, if you die, you can’t vote Trump out of office. So if he gets re-elected, this time protesters, it’s on you, America needs more guns Gosh darn it all to heck, America now has a shortage of... guns! According to left wing Fox News and a shock to absolutely no one, there has been a rush on gun sales since cities across the lower forty eight have been looted and lighted. The article notes that with the double whammy of covid and now the protests slash riots, gun and sporting goods stores have had a rush from homeowners looking to purchase inexpensive firearms to protect their homes. Maybe we need some kind of guns sale index like the infamous government Waffle House index. That way the stability of our society can be measured in the price of an AR-15. Porn, death and psychedelic toads This is a strange one. According to the Guardian, porn actor Nacho Vidal has been arrested by the Spanish Police. No, it’s not a warrant for the silliest porn name on the planet, he’s been cuffed, along with two other people, in connection with the death of a photographer. Now here’s where it gets kinda’ strange. The photographer is believed to have died after inhaling toad venom during some sort of bizzaro cultic ceremony. All of this allegedly took place back in 2019. The dead man, fashion photographer José Luis Abad, according to the legal statement, croaked during a mystical ritual involving the inhalation of vapors from the psychedelic venom of the bufo alvarius toad. Nacho, and the others indicted were arrested on suspicion of involuntary manslaughter and violating public health laws.
6 minutes | Jun 3, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 3rd 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: Protests and unrest continue in America. Defense Secretary Esper distances from Trump. The Gulf needs to get ready for Christobal. Biden gains more delegates and advice for sex in the pandemic. All this and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. The protests continued in the overnight, and thankfully the looting and violence was a little more subdued. Maybe many of the dissenters feel the same way as this protester on Hollywood Blvd, who expressed her feelings to an ABC 7 News crew. (white money) Still, there were instances of looting in many cities. In Philly, a 24-Year-Old Looter was Killed While Trying to Blow Up an ATM. And the unrest continued it’s spread across the Atlantic to London and Paris, where riot police used tear gas as and faced off with protesters setting fires in the city of blights. Esper takes aim at Trump Defense Secretary Mark Esper has broken ranks with Trump. Esper said during a press conference that he opposes invoking the Insurrection Act to allow President Trump to use the U.S. military to quell the violence plaguing US cities. It seems the insurrection here, as far as it comes to Esper, is an insurrection against Trump. I hope he’s got his resume updated, cause something tells me he’s not long for wacky administration. Hurricane season kicks off with a bang Let’s see, we’ve got a pandemic that everyone seems to have forgotten about and thousands of really pissed off people protesting and looting in American cities. What else do we have to throw into the mix? How about a potential hurricane making a possible bee-line for New Orleans. Tropical storm Christobal formed in the southwestern Gulf of Mexico on Tuesday and is expected to meander, hat in hand, toward the U.S. Gulf Coast late Sunday or early Monday. It’s still a crap shoot what the storm's intensity will be once it hits the US gulf coast. Biden gains more delegates While no one was looking, Presumptive democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden swept all seven presidential primaries yesterday. It’s a big win for Biden, who has no opposition, but we won’t draw any attention to that. These wins put Biden just short of the 1,991 delegates he needs for the nomination. Uncontested primaries next week in Georgia and West Virginia should put him over the top. Risky and frisky pandemic sex If your having sex during the pandemic, it might be a good idea to put a bag over your heads. Well, at least wear a face mask. According to a study from Harvard University, the safest way to have corona-sex is wearing a mask over your puss. It’s probably also a good idea to use a condom. Some studies have also shown that coronavirus traces have been found in men’s semen. Oh hell, just get yourself a tarp. Maybe those wacky furries were actually on to something. Alligators are rioting too Holy sea cow, now the rioting has spread to the alligator community. A woman in Fort Myers, Florida was shocked that the pounding on her front door had nothing to do with the Jehovah's Witnesses, it was two gators duking it out in all their amphibian glory. According to the Fort Myers News Press, one of the gators had his snout pinned on her door while fending off it’s rival. A video of the whole sordid alligator fisticuffs was posted to Facebook. Of course, that link is available on today’s overnight underground dot com web page. Remember the camera is always hot Always assume the mic and in this case the camera is on. According to the Daily Mail, a Mexican senator got caught during a zoom meeting with government officials when she assumed the camera wasn’t loaded. Martha Lucia Micher let it all hang out while changing her blouse during the video meeting and everyone got an eyeful of Martha’s t----, b----, p----, ah you know. The senator blames the faux pas on her lack of computer knowledge and needing a few extra dollar bills.
6 minutes | Jun 2, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 2nd 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: Trump gets his wall. Apple Store looters get a surprise. Rioters in LA target bagels. Are you ready for the comie radio network and stormtroopers police social distancing. These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. It seems Trump may finally have gotten his wall after all. Video of the White House today shows that a larger perimeter fence has been installed around the entire Presidential crib. The Secret Service says they are just reinforcing security around the White House and have told Fox News it’s just an expansion of the perimeter. I say, look no matter how high they make the damn thing, a mesh fence just can’t keep us safe from Trump. But with any luck, it might be enough to keep him locked in his cell, ah bunker until November 4th. Maybe de Blasio and Cuomo could join him there for jello wrestling or something and keep these three retards busy until after the elections. Apple bricks looted computers Looters who grabbed computers from Apple Stores are in for a surprise. It seems that the computers and i-devices snatched by lootie are bricked junk. TMZ reports devices swiped from the Apple Store are demo machines rooted with applications that prevent the devices from being reset to factory settings. Yea, they are essentially useless, overpriced electronic paperweights. To make matters even worse for lootie, the devices are also being tracked. Maybe get some tee shirts made up that say, “I looted an Apple Store today and all I got was a thousand dollar paperweight.” Rolex store looters get big booty Rolex is probably thinking it’s too bad they can’t brick their watches. The New York Post reports that looters swiped just under two and a half million dollars worth of watches just from one Rolex store in the SoHo neighborhood of Manhattan. The store, on Greene Street was needless to say, emptied by looters. Two and a half million, that’s what... two Rolex watches. Jewish business targeted in LA I know, let’s blame this nonsensel on the Jews. The Jerusalem Post reports that rioters hit synagogues and kosher stores up and down the historically Jewish Fairfax district in Los Angeles. The Rabbi Gershon Bess Shul was tagged along with the Congregation Beth Israel, which was graffitied with anti-semitic slogans like the old standby used by anti-semites world wide, "F**k Israel" and "Free Palestine." A number of kosher deli’s and stores were looted. Hey, looters got to nosh too. The FCC are morons Well here’s some good news. foreign companies can now own American broadcast properties. Yesterday, according to Radio Ink, the FCC voted to allow foreign investment in Cumulus Broadcasting, up to one hundred percent. Cumulus is the third largest owner and operator of radio stations in the US. Sounds like a great idea, allowing ownership of US broadcast properties by foreign entities such as Russia, China and hell, why not North Korea and Iran. Bet they would still play shitty American pop music though. Stormtroopers enforce social distancing I just love this story. At Disney parks, Imperial Stormtroopers will be in charge of social distancing. Following the reopening of parts of Disney World on May 20th, citizens visiting the parks must follow social distancing rules. In a video released by attractions magazine, two stormtroopers can be seen at Disney Springs, blasters in hand ordering visitors at the happiest place on earth to stay the hell away from each other. Of course that video can be viewed on today’s podcast page at overnight underground dot com. Mutant ticks take over Russia Making the list of things that want to kill you today, are mutant ticks. Over in Russia, in the Krasnoyarsk region, they’ve been blighted, or is that bited, by and invading horde of blood-sucking ticks. The Daily Star reports, the new and deadly “mutant” ticks are spreading across the region at a rate of 428 times more than the usual tick infestation rate. I didnt’ even know they had such a thing, a tick infection rate. I don’t know about you, but I’m stayin’ home and locking my doors. In the suburbs of Krasnoyarsk city they are infested with 214 ticks per square kilometer. The normal “safe figure is 0.5.
5 minutes | Jun 1, 2020
Overnight Underground News June 1st 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast. Unless you’ve been living in a hole, and well, it’s actually something we here at the Overnight Underground would highly recommend at this point in history, you undoubtedly witnessed either first hand or on the flat screen, the mayhem and lawlessness currently plaguing the streets of America. So maybe you’re asking yourself, just how wide spread is it? Well, Yahoo News reports that the protests by day and riots by night have spread to one hundred and forty cities in the US. But don’t go thinking that this is just an American problem, the unrest is now spreading, like a plague to other western democracies. Mayhem Spreads On Sunday night rioting and looting spread to our neighbors in the north. Montreal witnessed peaceful protesters turned criminals as businesses were looted and police responded with tear gas. According to the Montreal Gazette, eleven were arrested in last night’s melee. Meanwhile in England, This morning a large crowd flying an Antifa flag was chanting ‘fuck the police’ outside Downing Street. (downing) Kind of fun to hear “fuck the police” with a british accent. In New Zealand, an estimated two thousand protesters surrounded the US Consulate in Auckland. So, yea, this is no longer just an American problem. I’m so glad we could get our exports going again. Trump calls Governors wimps The politics surrounding this wanton destruction of businesses and property is sometimes amusing and as usual accomplishes little and appears to only fan the flames of more disorder. The Republicans blame Antifa and the Democrats blame white supremacists and each other and the cities burn. The President had a phone call with nation's Governors Monday morning and the great orange one called out many of the Governors for being, well, pussies. Trump spent part of last night dominating the secret bunker in the basement of the White House. Amnesty calls US Po Po bad And here’s a funny story, Amnesty International is calling for an end of militarized police response to the protests. Axios notes the group has issued a statement calling for an end to militarized policing in U.S. cities and the use of what they call "excessive force" against demonstrators. Look, I agree with you on this, militarized police is an issue and a really, really bad idea. But damn, cities are burning, private property is being looted and destroyed and the approach of “we feel your pain now go home cause mom and dad love you and have stocked your basement with fresh Doritos” just doesn’t appear to be working. Right now it seems like the plan is to let the rioters loot until there’s nothing left to loot, and then they’ll just give up. Not a very cunning plan. Air Force Base Shooting And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, comes news of a shooting at the Grand Forks Air Force Base. Newsweek reports two are dead following the shooting at the dorms. The incident is still under investigation. It’s good to know that during these troubled times, it's comforting to have something American’s are familiar with, like a mass shooting. Mouthwash could kill you Here’s something random and completely unrelated. Using mouthwash after exercising can cause death. The website Science Alert points to a study that using mouthwash after working out can lead to the reduction of one of the main benefits of exercise: lowering your blood pressure. It all has something to do with the mouthwash killing bacteria 'key' opening up blood vessels, hence the hastening of inevitable death. It’s all too damn much science for me after a weekend of looting and rioting, but go ahead and read it if you like, the link of course is available at overnight underground dot com. And yes, welcome to the beautiful planet where everything is out to kill you. Say something nice day today Hey did you know today is National Say Something Nice Day? (good luck) Maybe we could try some phrases like: “That’s a lovely black block outfit you have on” or “Thank you for sharing your lootie loot with me.” So, come out of your lockdown, and go get your free stuff from your friendly neighborhood get and split, and for god’s sakes, say something nice.
8 minutes | May 29, 2020
Overnight Underground News May 29th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: How to tell the difference between rioting and protesting. The spread of unrest unsettles a nation. Trump and Twitter take off the gloves. Kim Jung Un battles sex and a new meaning for the term, dead letter office These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Looting and Burning day three If you’ve been paying attention, it now appears that burning and looting is quickly becoming a new national pastime. Protests and riots spread across the US last night from their epicenter in Minneapolis. In the Twin Cities looting, burning and general mayhem trumped the rule of law, as angry and lawless citizens continued their revenge against the police and their city over the death of George Floyd. The National Guard rolled into Minneapolis Friday morning following a night that saw more buildings, businesses and a police station in flames and curiously the arrest of a CNN broadcaster. Meanwhile, according to NBC host Craig Melvin, NBC has banned it’s reporters from using the word ‘riot’ to describe their coverage of the Minneapolis happy fun time party happening on that city's streets. As the soldiers rolled in to protect firefighters Friday morning, the rioters and protesters appeared to mostly call it a day and blended back into the shadows of a city in cinders. Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey, although he might consider changing his name to Jacob Fail after three days of conflagration and anarchy in Minneapolis. Protests and riots spread Protests and rioting spread in the US to New York City’s Union Square, Portland, Denver, Louisville and Columbus, Ohio where the unrest targeted the Ohio Statehouse, with rioters smashing windows and gaining entry to the building before police turned them back. In Louisville, seven protesters were wounded from gunfire. Chances are it’s not going to be a pleasant weekend in America. I’m not sure what all this rioting and looting is supposed to accomplish, it’s never solved anything in the past and arguably has only made many racial issues in the US even more volatile. In the end all the violence and lawlessness may only lead to a political knee jerk to the right for safety and rule of law, and the reelection of Trump. The Trump Twitter showdown continues Trump Tweeted his reaction to the unrest in the country and the post was first flagged by Twitter and later hidden by the Twitterati for quote, “glorifying violence” and breaking the twatter terms of service. The twort from the Prez drew criticism, come on, he attracts criticism like a fly to shit, for allegedly being insensitive to the situation in Minneapolis and calling for violent action against looters. Yesterday Trump signed an executive order targeting social media, and Twitter in particular for regulation from the government over what The President see’s as censorship of the right on the platform. The real sin here is no one, on the right or left, is really talking about free speech, just more regulation from the government, specifically to section 230 of the so-called communications decency act. That law and section allows online platforms to ‘moderate’ user content and at the same time avoid the liability of being a publisher. All that being said, let’s face it, this whole ‘social media’ thing was an incredibly stupid and delusional idea in the first place, it’s turned into an endless fountain of vapid flowing bullshit. Waters blames Trump California Congresswoman Maxine Waters told TMZ on Thursday that she places the blame for the killing of Floyd Geroge in Minneapolis squarely on the shoulders of President Trump. That should garner Waters’ a few more votes in her district. Reporter’s revenge The next time you think it would be fun to jump in front of a reporter’s camera while they’re doing a live-shot and shouting whatever the hell you want, you might want to think again about your cunning plan. An Illinois man was busted after allegedly grabbing a TV reporter during a live broadcast and yelling “F–k her right in the p—y,” The New York Post reports that WGN-TV reporter Gaynor Hall was giving a weather update when 20-year-old Eric Farina ran in front of the camera, grabbed hall and uttered the phrase that must be beeped. Farina was charged with battery and disorderly conduct and later released on a twenty five hundred dollar bond. Kim Jung Un sexy man North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has moved on from his war against the Sea of Japan to a war on sex. According to The Express, the North Korean dictator believes that there is a problem with "immorality" among the country's teenagers, and is declaring their "impure acts" to be treasonous. Kim is peeved over the alleged behaviour of sex craved teenagers and is blaming "decadent capitalist influences", including pornography that has been smuggled in over the Chinese border. In the words of Patrick Henry, “If this be treason, make the most of it” Dead letter office Talk about the dead letter office. A woman in Montana is claiming that the remains of her dead husband are lost in the limbo of the postal system. Christine Tyler told KTVQ News that her husband died from coronavirus in a Spanish hospital and now she’s trying to track down her husband’s Donald’s remains which she says appear to be lost in the mail. Maybe Donald is secretly infiltrating the postal system to commit dead letter voter fraud.
8 minutes | May 28, 2020
Overnight Underground News May 28th 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast, now the headlines: More rioting in Minneapolis and protests in LA & Memphis. Troubles for democracy continue in Hong Kong. The Trump Twitter wars begun they have. GE turns out the lights & bears like doughnuts, who knew! These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Minneapolis burns The second night of unrest in Minneapolis sure looked like a bonafide riot. Angered over the death of George Floyd at the hands of the Minneapolis PD, protesters turned into rioters and looted a Target, burned down multiple buildings including an auto parts store and a low income housing project. Business owners brandished firearms to protect their stores from looting and at least one shooting death has been reported. According to a reporter from the Star-Tribune, the shooting death allegedly involved a pawn shop owner shooting a looter. So what’s next? Probably the National Guard. The Minneapolis Mayor reportedly has asked Governor Tim Walz to deploy the Guard. The Governor has yet to publicly respond to the request. It’s unfortunate, but some people just want to watch the world burn. LA squirms On the left coast, protesters in solidarity with their brethren in Minneapolis shut down the 101 freeway and smashed windows on a CHP patrol car. One person was injured when he fell from the hood of a patrol car as it sped from the scene after being mobbed by demonstrators. The Protesters later dispersed and it was all over by six thirty, no arrests were made. NBC Los Angeles also reported further protests in downtown LA later in the night. Protests also took place in Memphis, and arrests were reportedly made there. According to Fox News, President Trump has ordered the FBI and Justice Department to investigate the death of Floyd. What a year 2020 is turning out to be. I don’t even want to think about what’s next. Hong Kong on the skids On the other side of the globe, things are not much better. Unrest boiled over in Hong Kong following the Chinese government rubber stamping the new Hong Kong security law. The new law authorizes the commie pinko Chinese government to prevent, quote: "secession, subversion, terrorism and foreign interference" in the formerly semi-autonomous city. The new law pretty much officially ends the "one country-two systems" rule in the former British colony. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said Wednesday that Hong Kong is no longer autonomous from China. (captain obvious) So what’s next? Possible sanctions imposed by the US on China and in the end, an erosion of Hong Kong as a financial hub as investors see the city as being a risky place to invest. The Twitter wars begun they have The Trump Twitter war continues again today. Following the companies “fact checking” of Trumps twats yesterday, the President said he is set to announce an executive order to 'regulate' social media platforms. Yea, good luck with that. (Byte-airplane-tell you boot good luck were all counting on you) The President Tweeted this morning, (What the hell we supposed to do you moron), that today, quote: “will be a Big Day for Social Media and FAIRNESS!” You know if he holds a press conference and starts demanding the government liberate compuserve, we’re all flucked. A leak of Trump’s alleged executive order has shown up on social media, that link is of course, available at overnightunderground.com. Facebook’s Zuckerberg just had to get in on the action too, telling Fox News that private companies shouldn't be 'the arbiter of truth'. Seems to me that Fakebook may not want to be the arbiter of truth but it sure looks like they would love to become overlords of their own little de facto internet. In other amusing Twatter news, Newsweek is reporting that Twitter's head of site integrity compared Trump's senior counselor Kellyanne Conway to the Nazi government's Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels in a 2017 Tweet. I wonder if the department of site integrity will fact check that one? Twitter head of site integrity, talk about the propaganda pot calling the kettle black. Joltin’ Joe Biden ain’t Here’s our audio sound byte of the day, and it’s a quickie. It comes to us from presumptive democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, mixing up his sports analogies. It’s a swing and a punt for Biden. Turn out the lights After over a hundred years of GE is getting out of the light bulb business. Ars Technica reports that GE is selling off its last consumer-facing business. The Wall Street Journal notes that the deal is valued at about two hundred and fifty million dollars. All this begs the questions: Does General Electric still do or make anything electric? And what about their promise of bringing good things to life? The Hot Pocket bank heist Most people breaking into a bank to steal the money. Like famed bank robber Willie Sutton once said when asked why he robbed banks, “Because that’s where the money is.” News 10 San Diego reports that a man apparently broke into a Wells Fargo bank Wednesday morning just so he could heat up his Hot Pocket sandwiches. That’s the alleged perp talking with a News 10 reporter as he was led handcuffed from the bank. You know, you just can’t make this shit up. Donuts and bears oh my How did police in Fort Myers, Florida trap a black bear that was roaming the downtown streets of the city? According to the News Press, why with donuts of course. The po po used their trusty supply of Krispy Kreme’s to lure the bear so wildlife biologists could nab the fury perp. Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission Officer Adam Brown. I could go for the low hanging fruit here and point out that it was a black bear, so the cops could have just shot him or choked him out, but I won’t.
7 minutes | May 27, 2020
Overnight Underground News May 27th 2020
The Overnight Underground Podcast, now the headlines: Death and riots in Minneapolis. Protests and tear gas in Hong Kong. Twitter and Trump are playing a game of twitter chicken. Prostitutes face coronavirus restrictions. Squirt gun baptisms and getting bit by a black widow won’t give you superpowers. These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Minneapolis goes nuts The video of a Minneapolis Cop kneeling on the neck of a handcuffed man next to a police car is honestly just too brutal to watch. Especially when you consider the man, gasping and pleading with the police for breath, died following the callous treatment by the cops. The Star Tribune reports that four officers have been fired following the death of 47-year-old George Floyd. Minneapolis mayor Jacob Frey. Twenty four hours following the death of Floyd, on the streets of Minneapolis police and protesters clashed within a mele of bottles, rubber bullets and tear gas. A police precinct and multiple police vehicles were trashed in the rioting. The sound of protesters breaking shit recorded by KMSP TV. The FBI and Minnesota state authorities are reportedly investigating Floyd’s death. Hong Kong’s not so quiet riot Meanwhile on the other side of the planet similar scenes played out on the streets of Hong Kong with clashes between pro-democracy protesters and police. That’s the sound of Hong Kong police breaking shit and shooting pepper guns at protesters. The BBC reports hundreds of people were arrested as Hong Kong citizens took to the streets to demonstrate against a proposed Chinese national security law. Some Hong Kongers compared the scene on the streets of the city to marshal law, with stop and search checkpoints set up in the city and riot police taking a zero tolerance stance. Chief Executive and Beijing mouthpiece Carrie Lam doing her best to assure Hong Kong’s citizens that the Chinese commies are just well meaning really nice guys. Chinese authorities have said that they will act against foreign interference in Hong Kong and state run media has called US threats of sanctions a quote, 'nothingburger.' Wouldn’t a nothing noodle be more apropos? Speaking of burgers, according to the South China Morning Post, Chinese authorities have shut down a WeChat conspiracy social media account claiming the US was using dead bodies to make hamburgers. The world just gets a little stranger and scarier every single day. Trump and Twitter spar Twitter and the Prez are still going at each other again today. For the first time Twitter added a 'Unsubstantiated' warning to two of President Trump's Tweets. On Tuesday, Trump twatted that supplying voters with mail-in ballots would be, quote: “substantially fraudulent.” Twitter flagged the posts awith a warning that Trump was making a quote, “unsubstantiated claim.” Trump’s campaign manager released a statement criticizing Twitter’s policy. And so it goes, this should sell a lot of popcorn. Prostitutes get Covid restrictions Well we didn’t see this one coming. In Switzerland sex workers will limit customers to two positions which will allegedly 'minimise the risk of transmitting coronavirus.' According to the Daily Mail, the guidelines will only include sex positions which allow for safe distances between faces and the washing of bed sheets between each customer. That sounds like a lot of loads, of laundry. We’ll leave the rest up to your imagination. Squirt gun Baptisms are a thing now Last week we had the story about the priest using a squirt gun to bless parishioners during holy week. This week, a priest in the US is using a water pistol to baptise an infant. And you know, from the twatted picture, you can tell that Father Flatsky, or whatever the hell his name is, has some range time under his cloak with a pretty good weaver stance. Another priest in Canada has kicked it up a notch, it appears he’s using a super soaker for infant baptism. I’m sure Republican Jesus does indeed approve. Cosmic donuts Astronomers have captured images of a donut-shaped ‘cosmic ring of fire’ that existed some eleven billion years ago. According to the study published in the journal Nature, the ring of fire cosmic donut galaxy formed when two separate galaxies smashed into one another. Think of it like a kind of cosmic copulation or an intergalactic t bone. Paging Peter Parker OK dumbass, having a black widow spider bite you will not give you superpowers. According to Telemundo, three Bolivian brothers were hospitalized after prodding a black widow spider with a stick to get the nasty little bastard to bite them. Of course, they all thought the bite would turn them into Spider-Man, silly boys, we all know that it only works with a radioactive spider. In fact, the black widow bites turned them into crying twits writhing in pain. To make a long story even longer, the trio spent close to a week in the hospital recovering from the spider bites. It’s a poopy burger stand In Clearfield, Pennsyltucky Billy's Burgerland is taking some sh*t for opening up the restaurant and resuming dine in service. WJAC reports a man threw a bottle of sewage at the restaurant in retaliation for reopening. According to the owner of Billy's Burgerland, a man asked one of the waitresses if they were in compliance with the CDC's guidelines and then threw a mountain dew bottle full of sewage and replied let's see if you get any customers now. Maybe they could change to Chinese food and start serving poo poo platters. Besides, someone told me the place might be a dump anyway. Hey I’m here all week, try the veal.
9 minutes | May 26, 2020
Overnight Underground News May 26th 2020
The Overnight Underground Podcast, now the headlines: Rat armies are invading our cities. Fun, sun and guns at the beach for Memorial Day. The name Karen is now officially a racial slur. Oh great, now there is coronavirus ache and Larry King inks five million dollar podcast deal. All this and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford. Rat armies are here If the rona’ doesn’t get you, the raging hordes of “roving rat armies” will. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is taking the leap from bacteria and virus oversight to rodent control. As reported last week on The Overnight Underground, with so many humans on lockdown, rats are having a field day, especially in densely packed cities. The CDC is advising American’s to be on the lookout for rodents that are exhibiting unusual or aggressive rodent behavior. Which begs the question, what exactly is unusual behavior for a rat? Bobby Corrigan, an urban rodentologist, told NBC News quote: “So these rats are fighting with one another, now the adults are killing the young in the nest and cannibalizing the pups.” In New Orleans, during the lockdown rodents literally took over Bourbon Street, some even seen carrying giant frozen daiquiris. New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell. No matter what, there’s always one kind of vermin or another perambulating down Bourbon Street Guns and fun for Memorial day And what a Memorial Day weekend it was. American’s headed to the beaches for some fun, sun and of course gunfire over the holiday weekend. Myrtle Beach and Daytona Beach both experienced the firearm fun by otherwise mostly law observing citizens. WESH TV 2 reported that six people were shot and wounded near the boardwalk in Daytona Beach. Near Myrtle Beach, two people were killed and five others hurt when gunfire erupted at a Memorial weekend party, according to Fox Carolina. And according to Seven News Chicago, there were ten homicides over the weekend and nearly fifty shot. The moron index was bending the needle over the weekend here in the US of A. Twitter is apologizing for Trump Trump has Tweeted in the past about the death of a woman who died in the office of then GOP Representative Joe Scarborough twenty years ago. The AP is reporting that now the husband of that woman, Lori Kaye Klausutis, is demanding that Twitter delete Trump’s tweets that allegedly suggest Scarborough murdered her. In a letter to Twitter's commander in twat, Jack Dorsey, the man said the tworts violate Twitter’s community rules and terms of service. In a response, the Twiddling company said that they were, quote: “deeply sorry about the pain these statements, and the attention they are drawing, are causing the family.” The company stopped short of any censorship or statements generally regarding Trump's Tweets. Michigan Governor gets a taste of her own medicine Here’s today’s story regarding glass houses and stone throwers and all that. In the last week or so, the Governor of Michigan and some of the state's citizens have been at odds over the power of the Governor and the lockdown. Even to the point of some armed Michiganders storming the Capitol building in Lansing. Well now it seems that despite Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer’s push for some of the harshest lock-downs in the US, her family, it seems, feels entitled enough to ignore the rules. Whitmer did recently ease some lockdown restrictions for Memorial Day weekend. She said in a news conference, quote: “if you don’t live in these regions … think long and hard before you take a trip into them. Don’t descend on Traverse City from all regions of the state.” Well, Three days later, according to the Detroit News, a marina owner in the Traverse City area posted on Facebook that the governor’s husband, Marc Mallory, had asked the marina to get their boat in the water before Memorial Day. Now the Governor appears to be all wet. Woman calls 911 because she sees a black man in the park Let’s see what else we have in the outrage column for today. Have you heard about the story of the white woman walking her dog without a leash in Central Park when a black man asks her to put the dog on a leash. The woman then goes apoplectic and calls 911. The woman has since issued an apology, had her dog taken from her by animal rescue and placed on leave from her job. Amy Cooper, the dog walking woman in question, told CNN that her life is being destroyed over the video of the incident. Job well done all the way around. You know, that’s the kind of schadenfreude we need, to see some woman’s life destroyed always makes you feel better about your own life. The whole thing is just such a non-story, but it’s getting national attention, because someone is outraged and we demand someone suffer for it. People, mind your own damn business and just treat each other like human beings, or better yet, like a good dog. Coronavirus acne There is a new malady striking mask wearers, and it’s name is ‘maskne.’ According to Fox News, maskne is acne that forms under the areas of your face that are covered by a mask. It seems, when you wear a mask, you are essentially sealing in your breath. This creates a moist, humid environment leading to irritation, rashes and acne. It’s kind of like a diaper rash for your face. By tomorrow latest, I want to see everyone applying butt paste to their faces stat. Covid-19 blackouts could hit cities The next coronavirus related horse shit we might have to deal with this summer? Why rolling blackouts of course. According to The Daily Beast, yea I know, it’s the Daily Beast. Now that so many people are working from home, air conditioning use may spike during the summer causing strains on the nation's grids from sea to shining sea. Just shove a snow cone down your shorts. Face mask bikinis are now a thing A performance artist in LA decided standing out front of a Trader Joe’s wearing a bikini made entirely of face masks was the perfect way to protest the coronavirus lockdown. The Free Press Journal has the eye bleach primed photos if you just have to see them. The face mask wearing ding dong wrote in a Fakebook post that she believes coronavirus is a hoax created to erode freedoms, forcing people to wear masks in public and some other wackadoodle notions. And like with everyone else these days there is outrage over her stunt, with people responding to her Fakebook post of the event over her misuse of personal protective equipment and others calling her a “Karen.” Honestly, when did calling a white woman a “Karen” become an acceptable racial slur? Where’s the outrage over that? Panty face masks are now a thing. Maybe “Karen” should have sent a woman in Ukraine an extra face mask or two. The Daily Star reports that a woman in Kiev, when told she would not be waited on at a business unless she was wearing a face mask, proceed to drop her pants, whipped off her undies and put said panties over her punim and of course then proceeded to use them as a face mask. Talk about getting your knickers in a twist. Larry King still alive You know Joe Rogan I can understand getting a multi-million dollar contract, but Larry King?! It seems Larry King just inked a five million dollar podcast deal. I’ll bet most people thought he was already dead and anyone under forty, their response would undoubtedly be “Larry who.” According to Variety, The hour-long podcast will feature guests from pop culture, sports, music and comedy. The guy must have pictures of someone or something. Five million bucks? Sources say the name of the new podcast is, The Millionth Question. There is no truth to the rumor that “The Ninth Divorce” was also in the running.
15 minutes | May 23, 2020
Overnight Underground News Weekend Roundup May 23-24 2020
A look back at the top stories covered this week on the *award winning Overnight Underground News Podcast. Sponsored by the The American Society of Vapid Flatulence. With your host, John Ford. (*winner of the podcast least likely to win an award, award)
8 minutes | May 22, 2020
Overnight Underground News May 22nd 2020
The Overnight Underground News Podcast and some things to know today: Trump will order flags to fly at half mast over covid-19. Caesars Palace and the Flamingo will be the first casinos to open in Vegas. China jockeys for total Hong Kong makeover, ah takeover. A Pakistani airliner has crashed killing at least a hundred and the man who filmed the Ahmaud Arbery shooting is arrested for murder. It’s the Overnight Underground News, and I’m John Ford. Trump and Michigan AG go at it The President and the Michigan Attorney General are trading verbal blows over Trump’s decision not to wear a mask. Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel played the Trump card and made numerous scathing Twitter posts overnight calling Trump a "petulant child." What’s alit all about? Trump not wearing a face mask at a Ford assembly plant. Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel on CNN. Trump's response? He fired back in a tweet calling Nessel a, quote: “"Do nothing A.G. of the Great State of Michigan.” Honestly, I think they both sound like petulant children. Such is the state on the American political stage in the year of our lord, two thousand and twenty. Trump definitely maybe on his tests Let’s slide this little item in, the sound byte of the day. It’s none other than your President and mine, Bullwinkle J Trump responding to a reporter's question about his controversial hydroxychloroquine treatment to ward off COVID-19. The President said this: Yea, I believe that’s a definite maybe. Could it be that during the test the nose swab rammed a little too far up the Presidential snoot and caused some more brain damage to the ol’ executive noodle. Just sayin’. But wait, we’ve also got another contender for the sound byte of the day, and it’s from none other than presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden. Biden told African American radio host “Charlamagne tha God” on a Friday morning interview that if someone is having difficulty choosing between him and Trump then they "ain't black." You know, I think that one is better than this one from the other day. It’s a total race to the bottom with these two. Honestly, I think Churches essential Friday President Trump played to his religious electorate and announced that his administration will deem “houses of worship” as essential businesses. The President went on to call out some Governors who have deemed liquor stores and abortion clinics as essential but still won’t allow churches to reopen. Hey, what about A-A meetings at the church, is that OK? Mark Cuban calls Trump and Biden technologically illiterate Rich guy Mark Cuban said pretty much the same thing to Sean Hannity the other night, that both Trump and Biden are bad choices for leader of the free world. What’s that all about? Cuban told CNBC he hasn’t ruled out an independent run for the White House in 2020. He went on to say that he believes both Biden and Trump are, quote: “technologically illiterate,” whatever that means. Unfortunately these days, technologically literate means knowing how to like on fakebook and retweet a cat video. One thing we know for sure is that Trump knows how to be the Twatter in chief and Biden... well, poor Uncle Joe is still movin’ kinda’ slow with his functions. We hear Biden still has trouble finding the “any” key and totally believes the slide out CD tray is indeed a cup holder. Boiled babies, yum! Just how far will some journalists go to double down just to make sure Trump doesn’t get reelected in November? Over at The Nation, journo Katha Pollitt seems to have the answer. Pollitt remarked in an article discussing the Joe Biden and Tara Reed scandal, that she would vote for good ol’ Uncle Joe even if he, quote: “boiled babies and ate them.” Maybe in next month’s issue, The Nation will print a good recipe. China parks death star over Hong Kong First they infect the planet with their bat munchin’ pandemic, now the Chinese are set to use coronavirus to end Hong Kong as we know it. Remember the good old days and the pro-democracy demonstrators in Hong Kong? The Chinese want everyone to forget they every happened and have crammed their new draconian “security law” down the throat of the Hong Kong electorate. This new law bypasses Hong Kong's legislature by instituting a rarely used constitutional backdoor. (come on squeal) That is not actual audio from the Chinese oligarchy giving the good citizens of Hong Kong a good reaming, but it might as well be. Opposition lawmaker Dennis Kwok in Hong Kong. Look for the end of an open internet, Chinese secret police setting up shop in Hong Kong and anti-sedition laws to jail anyone who criticizes their Beijing overlords. Outside of a classical liberal democratic miracle, it looks like the party’s over in Hong Kong. No, I think I’m saying they are totalitarian kleptocratic bastards. More murder charges in Arbery case The Georgia man who filmed the shooting and death of Ahmaud Arbery has himself been arrested on murder charges. USA Today reports, William “Roddie” Bryan was charged with felony murder and criminal attempt to commit false imprisonment in Arbery’s shooting death. Bryan, had claimed he was only being a ‘good samaritan’ when he filmed Arbery’s death, but a newly released expanded version of the video apparently shows Bryan also chasing Arbery. Bryan then allegedly filmed while Arbery was shot dead. San Francisco oldest gay bar has shuttered Things are a little less fabulous in San Francisco today. The city’s oldest gay bar “The Stud” is calling it a day. The bar owner told KRON TV that due to declining revenues caused by coronavirus, they’ve decided to permanently close down their location in the Soma neighborhood. Too bad the place had to go down, I hear that before the pandemic, it was usually packed.
Terms of Service
Do Not Sell My Personal Information
© Stitcher 2021