Listen Now

Taylor and James return to go deeper on their favorite topic: self directed learning! In this episode they discuss some of the finer nuances of helping a child to become more self-directed. They talk about how to support your kids without making them totally dependent on you, encouraging them in their pursuits without taking over, and making space for a path to learning that might not be exactly what we envision. This is a great episode for parents of all approaches who hope to instill a love of learning. Enjoy!

James and Taylor are back, this time to answer your questions! Today we have two excellent questions from our One Free Family Facebook group. First, Taylor and James discuss how they go about explaining their life choices to their kids without seeming judgmental of everyone else's choices. How do they discuss their decision to homeschool with their kids? Then they go on to answer a listener question about what to do when other family members won't support their daughter's "non-girly" preferences. They discuss how to communicate with these family members better, and how to put things into context for our kids so they can take these instances less personally.

Praise is quietly one of the more hotly debated topics when it comes to child development theory. It seems as though smart people have argued for praising in all manner of ways, from praising to encourage good behavior, to praising in order to raise self-esteem, to praising in order to build trust. But is it really that easy? In this episode James and Taylor break down how their attitudes about praise have shifted over the years, and the rather surprising conclusion they've come to. They break down Carol Dweck's seminal work Mindset, discuss Alfie Kohn's truly unique take on praise, and share what they've learned and taken away from each.   Show notes: Alfie Kohn:  Punished by Rewards 5 Reasons to Stop Saying "Good Job."   Carol Dweck: Mindset  

Every once in a while our kids will come across a person who just doesn't treat them kindly. If we're lucky, they'll come and talk to us about it. Helping our kids to work through these toxic relationships can be a big learning experience for everyone involved, and can equip our kids with the tools they'll need when they inevitably encounter people who will mistreat them in the future. In this episode, Taylor and James discuss how they work through situations like this with their own kids, sharing tips for how to help kids process being mistreated, helping them gain the confidence to not define themselves by the nasty words and actions of others. They also talk about giving kids the language they need to stand up for themselves.  

Taylor and James are back in the studio together to discuss a topic that every parent can relate to: worrying. It seems like some amount of worry is present from the moment our children are born. It starts with kids eating solid food and sleeping through the night, and ends... well, never. But what does all this worry get us? In this episode, One Free Family talks about how they approach this very natural instinct that's ingrained in all of us. They talk about measures they've taken to get a better sense of when worrying is appropriate, and when they need to let go.  At any given time there is SOMETHING that is the biggest problem we face in parenting, so how do we approach these situations with more wisdom and less fear? James and Taylor break down what's been working for them, and they also share a few heartwarming stories of times they were recently reminded that worrying is often not the best investment of our emotional energy.  

This week Taylor has a conversation with Kelly Halldorson.  Kelly is a mental health coach and mom to 3 grown unschoolers.  She shares the story behind her family's move to unschooling and her family's adventure around the country in The Unschool Bus when her kids were teenagers.  Kelly talks about navigating relationships with people in our lives who are skeptical of our alternative education and parenting choices and dives into suggestions for when our partners don't understand our desire to make these choices.  She also talks a bit about caring for ourselves so we can be the parents we hope to be.   Links: Connect with Kelly on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/theUnschoolBus/.

James is joined by Sylvia van Meerten, an incredible woman who is widely respected for her work with and thoughts about working with people with an autism diagnosis. In this episode she shares some mind-blowing observations about ways we can better understand and connected with people with autism, and both she and James talk about how, really, most of these principles can carry over into our work with all sorts of kids. Working with people with autism diagnosis often comes down to better understanding them and putting oneself in their shoes (to the degree that it's possible), and really, that's what working with kids is all about too.   

When people are looking for answers, it's very tempting to try and find one overarching philosophy that has them all. Whether it's trying to find a religion, or a political philosophy, or a parenting approach finding a one-sized-fits-all solution feels extremely urgent. Unfortunately, life tends to be a lot messier than that. In this episode, James and Taylor talk about how they take a more piecemeal approach to interacting with different ideas. They talk about how they worked to establish their family's principles, and how they created a philosophical foundation that they could reference when they were presented with new parenting ideas. Join One Free Family as they talk about their journey to not worry about whether they fit in with this or that label, and how they've constructed their own personalized approach to parenting in the meantime.   

Some kids love it when their parents come around and offer new ideas for activities. They love to go out spontaneously, are happy to drop everything for an impromptu art project, and feel a sense of thrill at trying new things. And then there's everyone else. In this episode, James and Taylor talk about the strategies they use to expose their kids to new things without causing them to feel pressured. They talk about how to offer up ideas without making a child feel like they must accept, how to gain credibility with our kids so they don't feel annoyed at our offers, and how to find joy in whatever our kids are getting up to.   

James and Taylor are back, discussing how they are in a time of transition with their business and career endeavors, and are working through how they are going to restructure their lives as a result. They discuss how they navigate difficult transitions and times in their families' life, and they share some ideas for moving through challenging times intentionally. They also get into working through turbulent times in parenting as well, talking in depth about how to address the inevitable problems that will arise. When is appropriate to question our whole approach? When do we need to just take a step back from a charged situation? They discuss all this, and more!  

Taylor and James were honored to be guests on Touring Families with Dave Stelmacki.  As a parent of one young son, Dave asked lots of questions about raising autonomous kids.  If you're considering finding ways for your kids to be more autonomous, this conversation will give you some concrete ideas.  And if you're skeptical, Dave asks great questions about some of the tougher topics!  

Taylor and James are back after some holiday travel and ready to reflect on their experiences, and there take on gift giving culture in the United States in general. Does the holiday season HAVE to be stressful? Is it possible to navigate the holidays without the feelings of intense pressure and obligation that so many parents face? And what about working with grandparents and other relatives who might approach the holidays differently from them? James and Taylor talk about all of the little changes they've made in their approach to the holidays over the years, and how it is working out for them. From helping their kids to give and receive gifts joyfully, to taking the pressure off themselves to deliver the "perfect Christmas," to using discussions about gifts to better connect with their kids, there are all sorts of little subjects around this topic to "unwrap!"

Sabrina is an unschooling mom to 2 girls.  She shares the moment of clarity she had during her maternity leave 7 years ago about the life she wanted for her family.  She talks about how her and her husband, Doug, have worked towards making that dream a reality.  Today their life involves unschooling, traveling, building community both home and away, and prioritizing time together as a family.

Taylor and James are back with another grab-bag episode! There have been a lot of great discussions in the One Free Family FaceBook group recently, but not all of them lend themselves to a full episode. In this episode, they break down how the idea of "natural consequences" is often misused. They also talk about how a given person "turning out okay" is not a great justification for a given parenting decisions. Finally, they reflect on a few really cool instances where their kids (and kids from parents in the FaceBook group) help them learn a little bit more about unconditional love. As always, please join the OFF FB group and join the discussion!  

James and Taylor are back to discuss how self-directed learning looks in their home. While many people like the idea of self-directed learning in principle, the way it looks on a day to day basis can wind up feeling a little scary. Self-directed learners tend to not follow the linear learning plans that their schooled peers do, and that can be unsettling. They can wind up going really deep in some areas while seemingly neglecting others. A lot of the learning that takes place happens under the surface, only showing itself after it has already happened. In the absence of any syllabus or external assessment, can kids really thrive? One free family sits down to discuss exactly that.  

A crying child can be one of the most upsetting and terrifying things for a parent to see. While our instincts tell us to try and make it stop as quickly as possible, trying to make the crying stop rarely has positive results. In this episode, James and Taylor return to discuss helping their kids work through their big emotions, and how their mindset and approach has changed over the years. They talk about the "train analogy" that suggests that big emotions are like a train heading through a tunnel that we can only help to see kids through rather than one that we can divert kids away from. They talk about strategies they use to be present with their kids when they are feeling their big emotions, to help their kids feel understood, and to ultimately help their kids to develop the tools to process and work through their big emotions.      Show notes; https://pickanytwo.net/the-train-analogy-that-will-change-how-you-see-your-crying-child/?fbclid=IwAR0e38-zrhF2iEhRdGc-CRIg9Q9NiSd4Gk1yDssEKTf91ftRoNbRU_1ioGQ   -"The Train analogy that will change how you see your crying child"  

One of the hardest parts about living in community with one another is the fact that we are all individuals with unique needs and rhythms. Some of us are night owls, and others are early birds. Sometimes the kids are bouncing off the walls hoping for a wrestling partner at the very moment that the parents are ready to shut it down and go to bed. What if Mom is an extrovert, Dad is an introvert, and the kiddos are everything in-between? In this episode James and Taylor talk about how they work to discover the internal rhythms and patterns that influence how individuals in their family are feeling at any given moment, and what they do support each person to understand and align with these rhythms. They talk about how learning to work with, rather than against, their family's natural rhythms has paid big dividends when it comes to bringing more harmony into their home.

Taylor and James are joined by their longtime friend and licensed mental health professional Fiona Griffin to talk about how her profession has informed her approach to parenting. They discuss working through their own psychological wounds in an effort to parent more intentionally, authentically communicating their needs to their kids, and helping their kids to feel seen and heard. They also answer questions like, "How can we create healthy family systems?", "How can we live a life where everyone's needs our met?", and "Is it okay for our kids to see our flaws?" It was a great discussion! Enjoy!   Show notes:   http://www.fionagriffincounseling.com/  

Helping our kids accomplish their goals is fundamental to creating a self-directed learning environment, but it's a more nuanced topic than it first appears. It's all well and good to plan for helping our kids along their learning process, but what about when they hit those inevitable road blocks? To what degree should a parent in a self-directed learning environment push when our kids seem to be losing interest? Is it our job to help kids realize their full potential in any given area? And what about other things that our kids want, but might not be able to vocalize - like working on their tempers, or sleeping over a friend's house? James and Taylor divide our kids' goals into three separate buckets, and do their best to break down how they are currently approaching growth for each of them. Enjoy!  

Whether it's minimalism, or healthy eating, or religious views, or just learning the difference between right and wrong, it can be hard to figure out just how far we should go to try and pass along our values to our kids. What if we're minimalists, but our kids want to gather tons of toys? What if we're vegetarians, but our kids want to try hot dogs? How do parents who value autonomy and consent try and pass along things that are very important to them to their children? In this week's episode, Taylor and James do their best to answer all of these questions, and more. They work through the difference between values that they feel their kids must adopt (like not hurting others) and attitudes they hope they will gain fulfillment from (like helping others). As intentional adults, it's natural for us to have preferred ways of living - but should our kids be compelled to live the same way? Join One Free Family as they try and figure out when that is appropriate, and when we should give kids space to develop their own value systems.