Listen Now

One of our favorite musicals is Les Miserables, which is a story about the French revolution. It’s also the story of love and transformation. What does that have to do with raising boys? Today’s guest is Dr. Charles Corprew, a psychologist and host of the podcast “What’s Your Revolution?” Charles is passionate about revolution —  not the bloody riots that mar cities and countries, but the opportunities we all have for personal and global transformation. “I think I’ve always known that revolution was necessary for our boys,” Charles says, noting his stable upbringing and experiences with racism. “I wanted to make sure the boys had abundant opportunities for a successful life. I wanted to make sure I was creating successful pathways for our young men, regardless of what they look like. That they have the ability to be young boys — to have fun, to play and find who they want to be.” The work has to begin with adults, he says. We adults need to examine our beliefs and systems, and tackle questions such as, “What does it mean to be equitable?” Boys needs space, freedom and role models to figure out who they are and who they want to be. “We need to give our boys more models, more expansive opportunities to try out,” Charles says. “This is the hard work that we need to do as adults so that our children can actually grow up and be whoever they want to be.” Viva la revolucion!  In this episode, Jen, Janet & Charles discuss: How racism inhibits boys’ opportunities to play, to experiment and grow The importance of role modeling Helping boys discover their true selves Empower boys to advocate for change Talking to (and listening to!) boys regarding their educational needs Encouraging outdoor play Male friendships Teaching boys the value of service to others Promoting healthy masculinity Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: What’s Your Revolution? – Charles’ podcast What Makes Him Tick? — ON BOYS Interactive event Playing with Anger: Teaching Coping Skills to African American Boys Through Athletics and Culture — book edited by Dr. Howard Stevenson, psychologist mentioned at 17:05 Camelback Ventures — Charles’ employer; “an accelerator that identifies, develops, and promotes early-stage underrepresented entrepreneurs with the aim to increase individual and community education, and generational wealth” Maggie Dent: What Teenage Boys Really Need — ON BOYS episode mentioned at 34:24 Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%. 

Do you worry about keeping your boys safe online?  Thanks to the pandemic, we’re all spending more time online. And unlike in years past, porn is now ubiquitous and easily accessible. Boys today don’t even have to go looking for porn; it finds them. A simple, developmentally appropriate search for “sex” or “boobs” can lead to some pretty disturbing content in just a click or two, which means we have to talk to our boys about sex, likely at lot earlier than you may think. “All the research shows that parents are the most important influence when it comes to sexual decision-making,” Amy says. “If we don’t get in the door early, our impact is less. It’s really important to establish yourself as their go-to person.” Teaching your boys about sex early on will help you contextualize porn. And parental controls and internet filters can help you manage your son’s internet access, decreasing the chances that he and his friends will access porn while at your home. Consider redirecting some of the energy you’re currently expending worrying about your son’s academic achievement. After all, “being in relationships and being sexual is fundamental to being human,” Amy says. “I think it’s way more important to be sexually savvy and to understand healthy relationships than to score a 9000 on the PSAT.” In this episode, Jen, Janet & Amy discuss: Why you need to talk to your boys about sex a lot sooner than you think How boys accidently encounter porn Setting the stage to talk about sex Does talking to boys about porn encourage them to seek it out? Establishing family guidelines re internet usage The difference between parental controls and monitoring (and how to use each) How porn affects boys Preparing boys for porn exposure Helping boys resist peer pressure to look at porn Keeping boys safe online Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Talk to Boys about Sex (w Amy Lang) – ON BOYS episode http://birdsandbeesandkids.com/  — Amy’s website The Birds & Bees Solution Center for Parents — use coupon code ONBOYS to save 15% Just Say This! – Amy’s podcast Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids: A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs about Sexuality, Love and Relationships, by Amy Lang

We don’t always like our boys.  It’s a bit taboo to admit that. We parents — moms especially! — are somehow expected to always have lovey feelings for our children. And we do love them. But sometimes, we don’t want to be around them. Sometimes, we want them to go away. Parents who admit they don’t like their kids, though, are often judged. That’s not helpful, in our opinions. Here are ON BOYS, we’re all about keeping it real, so we’re going to talk about the unspeakable: What to do and how to cope when you don’t like your boys. (As if to prove our point, THESE are the pics an online picture repository brought up when we searched for “boys fighting frustrated mom”: Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels REALLY??? Real life is much messier than these photos suggest, and it is perfectly OK if most of your moments with your boys don’t look like this. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Unreasonable parenting expectations How to learn and grow from uncomfortable parenting moments Coping when your kids’ behavior reminds you of your ex Handling political differences Jen’s yard in Oct. ’20 Knowing when to step away Using physical touch to connect When to seek outside help Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Family Meetings & the 9-Year Change — ON BOYS episode mentioned at 11:55 The Art of Roughhousing — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Dr. Mary Wilde Dr. Mary’s “Overcoming Childhood Anxiety” course — SPECIAL OFFER available to ON BOYS listeners

The phrase “best of 2020” is a bit laughable.  Using the term “best” to describe a year that’s included a global pandemic, remote schooling and massive disruptions to work and socialization seems almost…inappropriate. And yet, even 2020 had some bright spots. Photo by cottonbro from Pexels ON BOYS audience continued to grow. Our downloads increased by 207%. (We had nearly 281,000 downloads in 2020 vs. 88,000 in 2019). We interviewed 36 different experts, including New York Times best-selling authors (hello, Peggy Orenstein!) and the Washington Post’s On Parenting columnist (Meaghan Leahy!). We had our first three-time guest (Mr. Ryan Wexelblatt, aka ADHD Dude) and we conducted conversations across time and space. (Maggie Dent was in Australia when we spoke; Baro Hyun, Japan.) We also hosted our first ON BOYS Interactive, a live web-based event in which we brainstormed solutions to the challenges of remote learning. We’ve got more ON BOYS Interactive sessions planned for 2021, as well as podcast episodes featuring Amy Lang (the Queen of the birds & bees!) and Richard Louv, author of The Last Child in the Woods and Our Wild Calling. But first, ON BOYS year in review. Here’s the best of 2020: 5. Helping Boys Grow Into Healthy Men (w Ted Bunch) “I think the biggest challenge for us is really allowing our boys to show us, say to us and demonstrate to us who they really are,” Bunch says, without us excessively trying to mold them. Our job isn’t to make boys conform; our job is “to allow them to blossom, to really show who they are.” 4. Boys and Sex (w Peggy Orenstein) Contrary to her expectations when she began reporting the book, Peggy found that boys were “insightful narrators” of their lives and experiences. Boys are acutely aware of the issues that affect them, of the “rules” that govern their behavior and social success and of society’s evolving definition of masculinity. 3. Managing Emotions (w Ellen Dodge) Try “tell me the story.” When you see your guys doing something — positive or negative — ask them to tell you the story behind their actions. If you see a feeling on your son’s face, ask him to tell you the story behind the feeling. 2. ADHD w Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude …a lot of people still misunderstand ADHD. Making matter worse is the fact that “school is not designed with the male brain in mind,” as Ryan says. On top of that, many people consider ADHD a mental health issue, not a learning disorder. That conceptualization makes things harder for our boys, who face social stigma and internal shame. Often, their parents are judged as well; too often, educators and others consider ADHD a “character flaw” or the result of poor parenting. 1. Decoding Boys with Dr. Cara Natterson According to Dr. Natterson — a pediatrician, mom of two and author of Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys — the first changes of puberty can begin as early as age 9. But because those early changes are largely invisible to parents’ eyes, we may misunderstand our boys’ mood swings and behavior. And because our culture has long ignored male puberty, many of us simply allow our boys to self-isolate behind closed doors, instead of talking to them about the changes they’re experiencing. You’ll have to listen to hear Jen & Janet’s personal favorites! STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Dr. Cara Natterson’s book, Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons, came out in February 2020 & made a big splash. Kirkus Reviews calls it, “A common-sensical, gently humorous exploration of male puberty’s many trials” and a New York Times article declared, “…for rational, evidence-based advice on how to talk to your son about every internal and external force he’ll experience from fourth grade through college, Cara Natterson’s zippy, bighearted ‘Decoding Boys’ is the guide you need.'” Our ON BOYS listeners clearly agree: Decoding Boys with Dr. Cara Natterson is our most-downloaded episode of 2020. Some gems: Not talking to your son about his evolving physical, emotional and social self is the biggest parent trap of them all. and Boys will take good information and run with it. If we just tell them no and don’t give them the why, they don’t listen. This conversation was originally recorded in April 2020. Note the bookmarks…. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Cara discuss: Why it’s OK to let your teen boys sleep late What the coronavirus crisis and shutdowns are teaching us about kids’ physical and emotional needs The difference between making kids do something vs. educating them Why boys go quiet around puberty Getting boys to talk Late-blooming boys Brain development during adolescence (a.k.a, why boys can be so smart and so dumb, at the same time!) Why boys take more risks when surrounded by friends Boys, body image & eating disorders How to tell if your son’s fixation on fitness is healthy or harmful Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons — Cara’s book worryproofmd.com — Dr. Natterson’s online home; includes a link to her newsletter Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys — one of Cara’s puberty book for boys STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Dr. Adam Cox helped Janet crack the boy code, way back when she was a first grade teacher who didn’t know what to do with a class full of boys. His book, Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk with Boys, is a seminal text that contains valuable insights for parents and teachers of boys. More than 25 years ago, Dr. Cox, a psychologist, recognized that boys in his community were looking for a place where they’d be accepted and welcomed. His boy-friendly approach developed over the years as he learned how boys communicate. His understanding of boys grew further as he studied boys worldwide. “The highest priority of boys is their happiness,” Dr. Cox says. Happiness even trumps popularity and success, as far as boys are concerned — which goes a long way toward explaining why you spend so much time fighting with your son over homework. Boys also crave a sense of purpose. Even young boys want to make a tangible difference in the world. “Boys want to feel as though they are needed to do some kind of important work,” Dr. Cox says. He recommends a “counter-intuitive” approach to boys’ misbehavior. “The way that we deal with misbehaving boys the world over is to ratchet down on their freedoms. We take away freedom and privileges. I think instead that we should try to get them to ally themselves with us by giving them an important job,” Dr. Cox says. If, instead, “we get into a moral conflict with that child — ‘I’m going to prove to you that I’m the boss here!’ — it just backfires on us. It’s much better to invite their leadership in a way that suits them.” In this episode, Jen, Janet & Dr. Adam discuss: Boy “constants” that persist across cultures Boys’ priorities Why boys need a sense of purpose Effective discipline for boys Finding appropriate jobs for boys The difference between “purposeful work” and “chores” Why you must monitor & control your vocal tone when talking to boys How to talk so boys will listen Picking the right place and time to talk with your son Respecting boys’ privacy Why you shouldn’t dismiss or denigrate your son’s interest in video games Talking to boys about love and imagination Helping boys live a life that’s in line with their values and interests Adolescent inertia The link between teenage depression and lack of motivation How to get unmotivated boys moving forward Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: DrAdamCox.com — Dr. Adam’s website Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk with Boys, by Dr. Adam Cox On Purpose Before Twenty, by Dr. Adam Cox Why Boys Need Chores – ON BOYS episode The Evolution of Esports — ON BOYS episode Video Game Design: A Career for Boys — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

How do you help boys become resilient?  It’s easy enough to say that resiliency is important, and we know that the ability to bounce back in spite of obstacles is essential for success and happiness in life. But how exactly does one build resilience? Contrary to popular belief, you can’t teach a child resilience, says Dr. Sandy Gluckman, a psychologist. Rather, you create a climate that allows a child to develop self-knowledge and self-confidence. Most of our boys spend a lot of times in environments that don’t help them feel good. School, for instance, is not a good fit, developmentally speaking, for most boys, and it’s easy for boys to assume that something is wrong with them when they can’t read or write as well as their female classmates. Pushing your child to do things that he’s not ready or willing to do is NOT the answer. Your intentions may be good, but you’ll actually increase the levels of stress hormones coursing through your son’s body, and a stressed brain and body is not ready or able to learn. One of the quickest, most effective ways to ease your son’s stress is to take care of yourself. You cannot effectively parent your son while you’re in a state of stress because your son will sense the anger, fear, and concern behind your carefully chosen words. Taking time for yourself — both in moments of high stress and on a regular basis — allows you to parent from a place of peace, which, in turn, allows your son’s nervous system to relax. Then, you can turn your attention toward helping your son recognize his inherent worth. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Dr. Sandy discuss: The link between resilience and brain chemistry Interpersonal neurobiology — or, how parents’ emotional state affects their children How feeling “not good enough” affects our brains and bodies The fight, flight or freeze stress response Inflammatory vs. non-inflammatory parenting How deep breathing can help you be a better parent How to build your son’s self-esteem Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: drsandygluckman.com — Dr. Sandy’s website www.youtube.com/user/sandygluckman — Dr. Sandy’s YouTube channel Parents, Take Charge! Healing Learning, Behavior and Mood Challenges Without Medication, by Dr. Sandy Gluckman Why You Need to Stop Focusing on Your Boys’ Bickering — Building Boys blog post How Confidence and Joy Spark Success — ON BOYS episode Self-Esteem and Boys –– ON BOYS episode STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Most of us know what consent means. But knowing what it MEANS doesn’t necessarily guarantee that we – or our BOYS – will actually be prepared in the moment…. Acroyoga, or partnered yoga, helped Sarah Casper understand boundaries & consent. “In this practice, instead of using an apparatus like trapeze or aerial silks, we’re using our bodies. So there has to be a lot of conversation about our comfort levels, what we want to explore, where our limits are, what we maybe want to work towards and bowing out if a trick doesn’t work,” Sarah says. “I started to realize the conversations I was having in my acroyoga classes were more or less the same conversations that happen in the bedroom.” With a background in psychology and previous experience teaching socio-emotional skills to children, Sarah started teaching kids how to navigate boundaries & consent. “We want kids to make mistakes and learn from them when they’re hanging out with friends,” Sarah says, emphasizing the importance of building interpersonal skills from early on. “You get them to work through things like rejection and coercion and how to ask and respond to questions when they’re young, when they have the support of teachers, parents and coaches, because if the first time a boy has to deal with this is when he’s 18 and at Prom, he’s not going to be good at it.” In this episode, Jen, Janet & Sarah discuss: How acrobatics helped Sarah understand consent How roughhousing can teach boys about boundaries Teaching boys to check in w friends and partners Helping boys handle rejection How to say no without shaming or unintentionally coercing the person who asked Creating a “consent culture” How respecting your child’s autonomy can decrease parent/child conflict What to do if you walk in on your son masturbating 5 factors to consider in consent: Who, What, When, Where, How Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: ON BOYS Interactive — Distance Learning — Register now for our Dec. 8 or Dec. 9 session! Comprehensive Consent — Sarah’s website; includes lots of free resources & a link to Sarah’s Boundary Setting Bootcamp The Art of Roughhousing — ON BOYS episode Your Son’s Ability to Tolerate Frustration & Rejection is More Important Than You Know — Building Boys post Consent with Mike Domitrz — ON BOYS episode Boys & Sex with Peggy Orenstein — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

How much do you know about boys & anxiety? According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately 7% of American children between ages 3-17 have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. Likely, the actual prevalence of anxiety is significantly higher, because many kids — especially boys — are undiagnosed. What looks like anger, opposition or teenage angst may actually be an anxiety disorder. Sometimes, anxiety is expressed physically; boys with anxiety may have headaches, stomachaches or other maladies that interfere with their ability to participate fully in every day life. Of course, we’re all feeling a bit anxious these days. Living through a pandemic will do that. But “the commonness of anxiety doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be addressed,” says Dr. Mary Wilde, an integrative pediatrician and mom of 8 boys. “Anxiety, untreated or unaddressed, can lead to depression.” Statistically, girls are more likely than boys to be diagnosed with anxiety and seek help for anxiety. Boys, in part due to social conditioning, are more likely to hide their anxiety or attempt to “power through.” Boys’ anxiety may show up as difficulty sleeping, anger or acting out. Teaching boys how to recognize and manage their anxiety can change their lives — and yours. Yoga, deep breathing and tapping are just a few of the non-medication modalities Dr. Mary uses to help boys with anxiety. It’s a good idea, she says, to teach boys a variety of techniques, so they can choose the ones that work best for them. Parents need to be conscious of the way they respond to their anxious boys as well. “The tricky thing about anxiety is that parents need to parent in a way that’s counterintuitive,” Dr. Mary says. “They feel like their job is to bring comfort, ease and happiness, so of course they try to create this ideal context, but they don’t realize that in creating this ideal context, they’re sending a message to their kids that says, ‘I don’t believe you can handle it, and therefore I’m going to custom make your environment.'” Dr. Mary — mom to 8 boys — also shares her Top 4 Tips for Parenting Boys:  Insist on respectful behavior from your boys. Stuff is stuff. People are more important than things. Provide opportunities for service. Your job is to give your kids opportunities for apprenticeship, to learn alongside you. (Role modeling is key!) In this episode, Jen, Janet & Mary discuss: Integrative medicine Identifying “normal” anxiety vs. problematic anxiety Symptoms of anxiety in boys Why to seek help for anxiety The 4 components of emotional intelligence Talking to boys about anxiety How physical movement helps boys with anxiety Non-medication treatment options for anxiety A family approach to anxiety Dealing with your anxiety Using stories to teach emotional intelligence How your boys can benefit from an imperfect life Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Dr. Mary’s “Overcoming Childhood Anxiety” course — SPECIAL OFFER available to ON BOYS listeners drmarywilde.com – Dr. Mary’s website Imagine Pediatrics Behavioral Health & Wellness — Dr. Mary’s clinical practice Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, by Dr. John Ratey — book mentioned at 13:45 If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit, by Brenda Ueland — book mentioned at 45:45 Faithful Nurturing: Mothering from the Heart, to the Heart, by Mary Wilde — Mary’s book Dealing with Change, Anxiety & Energy (Listener Q&A) — ON BOYS episode Helping Teens Cope with Anxiety, Depression and More — ON BOYS episode Anxiety & Depression in Boys — ON BOYS episode

Esports — competitive videogaming — is quickly becoming a very big deal. In 2017, 106.2 million people watched the League of Legend esports championship.  In 2020, 99.9 million watched the Super Bowl on TV, according to Reuters. Today’s parents, teachers and grandparents often find themselves annoyed at the hours boys spend in front of screens, gaming. They find it absolutely absurd that boys (and girls) watch other people play video games on You Tube and Twitch. But is watching a top video gamer in peak form really any different than parking yourself in an overstuffed chair on Sunday to watch young athletes throw, catch and carry a football? Baro Hyun grew up in Korea; his generation was part of the video game revolution, and he participated in video games’ evolution from household amusement to public pastime. To him, his young sons’ obsession with video games doesn’t seem particularly alarming or surprising. His boys’ grandmother, though, had another perspective altogether. As Baro writes in the introduction to his book, Demystifying Esports: A Personal Guide to the History and Future of Competitive Gaming: [the boys’] otherwise peaceful grandmother…couldn’t stand the sight of her grandchild giving all his attention to the tiny screen of Switch for hours at a time, and none to her… Stress in the house gradually build up until the clouds broke in dramatic fashion. My sons’ granny had a bad day. When she saw the younger one in gaming mode, she flipped out. With a speed that belied her age, she brought a pair of scissors from the kitchen and mercilessly cut the charging cable of the Switch… Adults’ misunderstanding and misconceptions about esports and video gaming contributes to the generational divide (and household conflict!). Baro encourages adults to learn about esports role in kids’ lives – and in the modern economy. “Esports isn’t just about playing fun games,” Baro says. “It’s about dedication and commitment.” In this episode, Jen, Janet & Baro discuss: Generational perspectives on video gaming Recognizing emotional reactions to video gaming History of esports & competitive gaming Why people love esports (Spoiler alert: It’s stories & strategy) Collegiate esports Gaming scholarships Esports as a business and industry What it takes to be a professional gamer Career opportunities in esports What kids learn via video games Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Demystifying Esports: A Personal Guide to the History and Future of Competitive Gaming –– Baro’s book All About Esports — ON BOYS episode Video Games are the New Competitive Sport in Schools —  article by Jen Fortnite is Not a Waste of Time — Building Boys post Collegiate Star League — largest esports platform (mentioned at 17:10) Esports in the Pac-Man Era — share this video (about a 1982 Pac-Man tournament held at Milwaukee’s County Stadium) w your boys! Biathlon — the winter ski & gun sport we couldn’t name right away! STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

What words come to mind when you hear the phrase "teenage boys"? Messy? Stinky? Frustrating? Lazy? Moody? Dangerous? Teen boys can be all of those things. (So can teen girls!) But there's also a lot more beneath the surface, and if we're to effectively parent and educate our teen boys, we have to go deep. We need to remind ourselves -- and each other -- that teenage boys are complex human beings who deserve our respect and support. "Inside every teenage boy is a 4-year-old who is confused about life and desperate to know that you will love him unconditionally -- especially when he cannot love himself," says Maggie Dent, Australia's "boy champion" and author of From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Happy, Healthy Men. Though our first instinct is often to come down hard on our boys when they fail to follow our rules or meet expectations, Maggie suggests trying kindness instead. Most boys feel terrible when they mess up, whether they show us that or not; our lectures and punishments further add to their self-loathing -- and cause them to distrust our love for them. Going against the grain and offering your son kindness and compassion in lieu of punishment may strengthen your connection and help your son feel safe enough to share what's really going on. "We don't think teenage boys are sensitive, but they are," Maggie reminds us. "What we see on the outside is not necessarily what's going on inside." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Maggie discuss: Why teenage boys seem so confused, scattered and disorganized Teen boys' fear and anxiety How shame shapes (& limits) boys Kindness vs. harsh discipline How to get teenage boys to listen How roughhousing teaches boundaries Helping boys connect during the pandemic Why you don't necessarily need to worry if your son lose his temper while gaming online with friends Surrounding boys with stories of good men Talking to boys about tough stuff Moms' role in boys' lives Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: maggiedent.com — Maggie’s website. Jam-packed with resources! From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Happy, Healthy Men -- Maggie's latest book https://www.youtube.com/user/MaggieDentAuthor -- Maggie's YouTube channel Parental as Anything - Maggie's podcast Maggie Dent on Mothering Our Boys (Part 1) -- ON BOYS episode 139 Maggie Dent on Mothering Our Boys (Part 2) -- ON BOYS episode 140 7 Tips for Parenting Teenage Boys: "Nagging Them is Like Shouting Into a Void" -- Maggie's Guardian article (mentioned at 7:20) The Decline of Play -- TED talk by Peter Gray, who Maggie mentions at 9:20 The Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen) -- ON BOYS episode Orange Sky Australia--  organization providing free showers and laundry for the homeless; founded by 2 teen boys (mentioned by Maggie at 16:21) A Fiver for a Farmer - charity started by a young boy from Sydney that has raised over $1.6m for Australian farmers since 2018 (mentioned by Maggie at 17:00) STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

How’s school going?  That’s a fraught question even when there’s NOT a pandemic going on. Now, it seems almost crazy to ask, given that most of us are dealing w less-than-ideal educational situations.  But that doesn’t mean you have to settle for miserable. If virtual school or online learning isn't working for you, homeschool may be a good option. (And it doesn't have to be as overwhelming or time-consuming as you may think!). If in-person instruction has been canceled and your son simply doesn't learn well via online instruction, you can find fun, easy ways to build natural learning into your days. (Yes, really.) And when the situation changes -- when your school district changes its education plan due to COVID-19 or your job responsibilities and personal tolerance change -- you can switch to a new form of learning.  It's not easy, though. "What's really hard is when you try to gear yourself up for one option and then you have to switch to another," says Sarah Mendonca, founder of Learning Together Coaching & Consulting and a homeschool mom of three. "Every time, it requires so much emotional and mental energy."  You -- and your boys -- might be best served, in fact, by turning your focus away from academics. Learning, after all, "really boils down to relationships and conversations," Mendonca says. It's scary to consider other educational options. But as Sarah says, "none of us are getting out of 2020 without coping with change." So, take a deep breath and ask yourself (and your son) this question: How can we relieve stress and tension right now, and do things that will be good for our family?  In this episode, Jen, Janet & Sarah discuss: Finding the educational options that work best for your family Dealing with disruptions to education The emotional toll of educational uncertainty Letting go of academic expectations Stealth homeschooling How COVID-19 may exacerbate the learning gap Kids' emotional response to the pandemic School refusal Helping boys envision career options in the COVID-19 era Synchronous vs asynchronous learning Coping with online learning Natural learning Finding educational options for your son Real-world volunteer and learning options Building on boys' interests Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Learning Together Coaching & Consulting -- Sarah's FB page Back to School 2020 -- ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Family meetings can you help adapt your parenting to fit the changing needs of your family.  Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels One of the most challenging (and demoralizing) aspects of parenting is realizing that you must constantly revise your parenting strategies. The tips, techniques and discipline strategies that worked so well when your little boy was 2 don't work at all when he's 6 -- and whatever you do when he's 6 won't work when he's 16. It can be hard for parents to adapt to their kids' development changes. The very fact that we have to change our approach often comes as a surprise. "Nobody tells us, 'Oh yeah, you figured it out all these years, but now you gotta do something different," Janet says. Children often experience significant intellectual and emotional growth around age 9, a phenomenon Waldorf educators call the "9 year change." It's a time when children begin to realize that others have different thoughts, when they begin to question the world -- and their parents. "Their opinions might be one way on Monday and completely different by Thursday. But that's all part of the growth process," Janet says. "That's all part of them expressing their thoughts, expressing their opinions." As boys grow, parents must shift their role from Director to Collaborator. Family meetings can be helpful as parents and sons navigate this shift, as the meetings create opportunities for everyone in the family to share their ideas and concerns. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: The 9 Year Change Disrespect vs. developmentally appropriate questioning Coping with kids who "know it all" Moving toward a collaborative form of parenting How to start and plan family meetings Benefits of family meetings Tips for successful family meetings In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: The Simple but Critical Purpose of Family Meetings: To Listen -- Washington Post article by our friend Meghan Leahy (if you haven't listened to our podcast episode w her, do so now!) Parenting Teenage Boys with Joshua Wayne -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at about 24:00 BoysAlive.as.me -- Schedule a FREE Breakthrough Session w Janet STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

How are you managing screen time during the pandemic?  According to at least one survey, kids' time online has more than doubled since the pandemic began, and many kids now spend more than 6 hours per day online, in front of screens. And no wonder -- screens are now our portal to school, work, socialization and extended family. Which means that now is great time to examine our response to screens. Seriously. Many adults have a visceral, negative reaction to the sight of kids-on-screens, but the truth is that screen time itself is neither good nor bad. Digital devices are tools that can be used in a variety of ways. "Screens are not a monolith," says Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise and founder of Raising Digital Natives. Instead of lumping all things digital into "screen time," she says, parents really should look at what their kids are doing. As much as possible, parents should adopt an observant (vs. judgmental) stance to their sons' technology use. Adults can also role model responsible tech usage. Our kids should see us "using technology in an ethical, thoughtful, mindful way," Devorah says. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Devorah discuss: Why all screen time isn't equal Dealing w parental guilt Role modeling responsible internet usage Tech "addiction" Helping kids gain control of their screen time When to seek professional help Managing online, in-game purchases Financial literacy in the digital age Helping boys recognize and respond to racism, sexism and extreme ideologies in memes Mentoring vs. monitoring Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Raising Digital Natives -- Devorah's website Screenwise: Helping Kids Survive (& Thrive) in Their Digital World -- Devorah's book Screens & Boys -- ON BOYS episode Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World w Jordan Shapiro -- ON BOYS episode iGen - ON BOYS episode Decoding Boys w Dr. Cara Natterson -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 18:50 The Role of Memes in Teen Culture -- NYT article by Jen   STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Parenting teen boys is not easy. They're bigger than us. Stronger than us. They speak in a language we don't necessarily understand -- if they choose to speak at all. Their focus is turning outward, just as we parents realize how little time we have left to teach them all the things they need to know before they leave home. Miriam asks: How do you find balance between keeping the bond strong and giving them freedom? Teri also asks about letting go: How do other parents find the balance between holding your son accountable and staying involved vs letting him make mistakes? At age 14, do I need to let go completely? I want him to be independent but not miss opportunities to help him grow and develop. Brooklyn wonders how she should handle teenage "attitude": I have a son who's always been a bit attitudinal. Now the bar is raised and I want to find the balance of tolerance (knowing some of this is "normal") and also holding a line around how to treat others. Stephanie asks: How do I get my reserved and very quiet teen boy to talk to me...about anything?? Mary wants to know: How to help boys through obsessions with their phones and social media...especially when they are ages 16 and over Jeen worries about easy access to highly sexualized images: How do we deal with the constant attempts to search up "girls in bikinis?" If the results were somewhat tasteful, I'd be OK with it, but wow! One step from porn in most cases... Alicia asks: How do I discuss the imminent arrival of wet dreams? How do I explain what to expect? In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Teen boy lingo The pressure felt by parents of teen boys Staying close to teen boys Giving teenage boys freedom & guidance Releasing control over homework, grades and school Dealing w teenage attitude & disrespect Setting boundaries Screens, social media and porn Wet dreams and nocturnal emission (Note: wet dreams typically start between ages 13 and 17, according to the Milton S. Hershey Medical Center. Average age is about 14.5) Self-care for parents of teens Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Truth About Parenting Teen Boys -- classic Building Boys post Parenting Teenage Boys w Joshua Wayne -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 10:53 Talk to Boys about Sex -- ON BOYS episode featuring Amy Lang, mentioned at 29:13 Which Apps are APPropriate? -- ON BOYS episode w Jo Langford, mentioned at 30:24 High Speed Internet Porn and the Experiment Generation -- film mentioned at 33:13 STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

One of our most important jobs as parents is preparing our boys for the world of work. The work world, though, has changed dramatically over the last few decades. "There's been a shift from the competitive dog-eat-dog/rat race to a flatter, faster and fairness-focused world of work," says Ed Frauenheim, co-author of Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection. Increasingly, organizations want (and need!) employees and leaders who are flexible and eager to learn and collaborate. They need (and want) employees who can admit their own vulnerabilities, who respect the contributions of others. The work world of today is not particularly friendly to what Ed calls "confined masculinity," or the traditional norms that governed male behavior for millennia. "In confined masculinity, there are limited roles you can play as a guy: provider and protector," Ed says. Males are expected to be stoic, self-reliant and competitive. Those traits aren't bad, but restricting boys and men to those roles and responses is quite limiting and unhealthy. Liberating masculinity does not throw away those traits but rather adds to them. The "5 Cs" of liberating masculinity are: Curiosity Courage Compassion Communication Connection Helping our boys realize that we are in community with others and that it's okay to follow your heart is one way we can prepare boys for work. "In the work world that's emerging, what we're seeing is that the most successful people are givers; they are not takers," Ed says. "They are the ones that are empathetic and willing to share." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ed discuss: Shifting masculine norms Masculinity & work Liberating masculinity vs. confined masculinity How professional male athletes are modeling liberating masculinity Equipping boys to deal with sexism and racism in the work world Moving beyond stereotypical masculinity in the trades What boys & men should look for a in a place of employment Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection -- Ed's new book Great Place to Work -- "the global authority on workplace culture"; includes lists to "best workplaces" Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

How do you teach boys money management? 34% of American teenagers don't have bank accounts and rely predominantly on cash, according to a 2019 Junior Achievement USA survey. In fact, 1 in 5 teens have never been into a physical bank and nearly a third of teens surveyed don’t have a bank account.  Like many parents, Benny Nachman initially started paying his boys' allowance in cash. But -- like many of us -- Benny doesn't often use cash and occasionally found he didn't have enough cash on hand to cover allowances. His boys were less disturbed by this fact than Benny thought they'd be. He soon learned that cash isn't all that exciting to kids who live in an increasingly digital world. In their lives, digital money, including iTunes and Amazon gift cards and Vbucks, are a lot more valuable. That's one reason why he founded Jassby, a mobile wallet and chore app for families. The other reason is because he thinks it's absolutely critical to teach boys money management and financial literacy. Most states do not include financial literacy or personal budgeting in the public school curriculum -- and, as a result, 70% of college students can't answer basic questions about money, interests, loans and investments. Talking to our kids about finances is not the solution. "I talk to my kids about money all the time -- about what a bank does, what a credit card is," Benny says.  "But I can see their eyes glaze over when I lecture them. After about 15 seconds, it's OK, dad, whatever." Practical experiences with money management is much more effective. So, in lieu of buying football cleats for his sons, Benny gave them each $90 (the most he was willing to spend on a pair of cleats) and allowed them to shop. He told them they could keep whatever money they didn't spend on cleats and use it however they liked. "The guys spent the weekend researching cleats," Benny said, and ultimately bought a pair that was $55. In the process, the boys learned more than there would from dozens of hours of lectures. Giving your boys the space and freedom to make financial choices can be difficult, especially if you see your son about to make what you're sure will be a costly mistake. But allowing them to make financial mistakes in their youth may spare them from making ever bigger mistakes in adulthood. "You never learn any better than by making your own mistakes," Benny says. "The failures are important." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Benny discuss: Allowance policies -- to tie to chores, or not? Why cash isn't as valuable to kids today as digital money How to teach boys the value of money Why you must give boys the opportunity to manage money How not to raise entitled jerks Allowing boys to make financial mistakes Talking about family finances Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Jassby.com -- Benny's chore & mobile allowance app The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous and Smart About Money, by Ron Lieber -- book mentioned at 19:40 Just Don't Be an Asshole -- ON BOYS episode featuring Kara Kinney Cartwright Age 16 & Learning to Let Go -- Building Boys post mentioned at 24:30 STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Parenting outside the lines frees us up to connect with our children in an authentic way. It allows us to skip over the "must do's" and simply, instead, do the next right thing in any given moment. And if the "right thing" ultimately takes us a direction we don't want to go, it gives us the opportunity to apologize and course correct. It encourages us to trust the wisdom deep within. "I haven't yet found a parent who's really changed their parenting based on 'studies say,'" says Meghan Leahy, a mom of three, parenting coach and author of Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child. "I've never told a parent, 'Well, studies say if you don't yell, your kid will be happier,' and had the parent say, 'oh my god, I didn't know that! Now I'll stop yelling.'" Early in her career as a parenting coach, Meghan taught parents strategies they could use to manage their kids' behavior. But only some parents were successful with those strategies. Other parents used the same exact techniques and did not see the positive changes they were expecting. She learned that "strategies are neither here nor there. One may work; one may not. But if the underpinning of compassionate, boundaried connection isn't there, it doesn't matter." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Meghan discuss: The importance of connection Learning to trust yourself How modern culture has made parenting more difficult Why it's OK to not know what to do What to do when your son doesn't want to do an activity he once loved Parenting during the pandemic The link between kindness and resilience Screen time (and why you need to look at your screen habits before tackling your kids' screen time) How to enjoy parenting Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child -- Meghan's book Meghan's Washington Post On Parenting columns mlparentcoach.com -- Meghan's website How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 07:11 The Neufield Institute -- courses, events and resources from Gordon Neufield, PhD (mentioned at 8:47) Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids, by Kim John Payne and Kim Ross -- book mentioned at 16:07 My Suddenly Sedentary Teen Seems Stuck. How Much Should I Push Him to Move? -- Meghan's column about the soccer player (mentioned at 17:24) Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Are your boys close to their grandparents?  Not physically close -- physical distance is often more a matter of necessity or practicality than choice -- but emotionally close. Studies have found that close grandparent/grandchildren relationships protect against depression in both groups, and at least one study out of England found that kids who are close to their grandparents have fewer emotional and behavioral problems and fewer difficulties with peers. Facilitating the grandparent/grandchild relationship can be tricky. There's a generation gap. A digital divide. Evolving cultural norms and ever-changing expectations. "The expectation for grandparents today is way different" than a generation ago, says Emilly Morgan, host of The Grand Life podcast and grandmother to nine (4 boys & 5 girls.). "We still think of grandparents as sitting in rocking chairs, but now they're running marathons and doing all sorts of creative things, including working." It takes some creativity and grace to build relationships between your boys and their grandparents, but effort is worthwhile. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Emily discuss: Bridging the generation gap How parents can facilitate the grandparent/grandchild relationship Helping grandmas understand grandsons Multi-generation households Changing expectations of grandparents Respecting grandparents' lives and limitations Resolving conflicts re screens, sugar, bedtime, etc. Tapping into grandparents' wisdom and experience Family estrangements Helping boys understand grandparents' physical and emotional limitations Handling grandparents' sexism and racism Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Grand Life podcast -- Emily's podcast (Jen will be a guest on on upcoming episode!) The Long Distance Grandparent -- blog mentioned at 28:39 STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

This is a really confusing time to be a boy in the United States. That's one of (the many!) insights Ryan Wexelblatt -- aka ADHD Dude -- gained while working with 14 and 15 year old boys during his ADHD Dude Summer Camp this year. In a Facebook post, he wrote: These guys see their female classmates (if they fit the narrow standards of beauty) who post the most sexually provocative pictures on Instagram/Snapchat get the most attention on social media. >They are living in a period of "cancel culture" where men whose words or behaviors are inappropriate are expected to go away forever, never to be heard from again. There is no option to see what being accountable for one's inappropriate behavior or making amends sounds like, thus denying boys the opportunity to see what it looks like when a man acknowledges he has treated people in a way that was hurtful. How do we help boys navigate the mixed and confusing messages they receive?  We asked Ryan -- our first 3-time ON BOYS guest! -- to share his thoughts. "If we're going to teach kids social competency, we need to teach them everything. We can't leave out the things that make us uncomfortable," Ryan says. You have to talk about things like ogling and unwanted attention; you have to give boys strategies they can use to mange their innate curiosity without inadvertently harming others. Simply telling a boy 'that's inappropriate'" when he stares too long or uses potentially offensive language isn't helpful, Ryan says. "That's not teaching them anything," he says. "That's not teaching the context and why the behavior or language is inappropriate." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ryan discuss: Giving boys specific, concrete instructions to successfully navigate social situations How teenage boys talk to each other (sexual innuendo is common!) Helping boys learn what kind of humor is OK to use with friends vs what's OK when adults and kids are around Talking to boys about cancel culture, #MeToo and people like Jeffrey Epstein Why we must teach media literacy Dick pics -- helping boys understand why it's always a bad idea to send unsolicited nudes Teaching boys to see and recognize their value (in a culture that so often paints boys & men as the bad guys) Online learning & boys Navigating evolving gender norms Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: ADHD Dude — the online home of Ryan’s ADHD work. Includes a link to his ADHD Dude Facebook group  Dude Talk playlist — Ryan’s series of YouTube videos aimed directly at boys Teaching Boys Social Skills — our 1st ON BOYS episode w Ryan ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude - our 2nd ON BOYS episode w Ryan Executive Function Crash Course for Parents -- Ryan's webinar   Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children's vitamins -- no sugar or "gummy junk" included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer