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26 minutes | Feb 11, 2019
Movie Watch-Along Recap — Goblet of Fire
Like a burst of red sparks from somewhere in a hedge maze, our fourth movie watch-along has appeared! Hear us react to emo Ron, Mad Eye “Too Much Business” Moody, and geek the fuck OUT over the graveyard scene. Watch-along MP3 available at newwizards.fm!
25 minutes | Jan 7, 2019
Movie Watch-Along Recap — Prisoner of Azkaban
After a holiday break, the wizards are back with movie three! How many times will we mention “Primer?” Is Josh capable of identifying Gary Oldman? Will the werewolf be scary, or will it have more of a Deviantart kind of vibe? Hear our recap here, and check newwizards.fm for the watch-along MP3!
28 minutes | Nov 22, 2018
Movie Watch-Along Recap — Chamber of Secrets
We’re clipping along and getting snaked up! Listen to us go gaga for Gilderoy, consider Salazar Slytherin’s impeccable taste in home furnishings, and wonder aloud how it is that kids grow like that. Watch along with us via the MP3 at newwizards.fm!
18 minutes | Nov 8, 2018
Movie Watch-Along Recap — Sorcerer's Stone
It’s the recap to our first watch-along! Tune-in to hear us gush about (and misidentify) British actors. This was a really good one! The watch-along MP3 can be had at the bottom of newwizards.fm — let us know what you think!
37 minutes | Oct 10, 2018
We Open At The Close — Series Epilogue
Wow… what a wild ride :’) We want to thank everyone for listening and reading along with us! We reflect on what magic really *is* one last time, consider the series as a whole, and most importantly, accept that Hogwarts is somewhere in the Scottish countryside. Stay tuned for the movie recaps and watch-alongs coming soon!
43 minutes | Oct 2, 2018
Post-Story Mailbag — Bonus Episode
Our last mailbag episode! :’-) Thank you so, so much for all your questions and interactions throughout the series! We consider Ron — the REAL Ron — and finally discuss Gay Dumbledore, and the differences between fantasy and sci-fi. Thankfully, it doesn’t take an hour. And if you were hoping we’d touch on that voluptuous snake once more, well folks… you will not be disappointed.
39 minutes | Sep 25, 2018
We Can See Thestrals Now — Book 7, Ch. 35-36
In this stunning conclusion to the main story, basically all of our in-jokes and running bits become real. Were the Wachowskis a major influence for JK Rowling? Will Sonic the Hedgehog show up in the epilogue? Where did Neville learn swordplay? His Granny, probably.
61 minutes | Sep 18, 2018
Strongbottom, imo — Book 7, Ch. 32-34
Everyone’s favorite buxom snake returns, and spurns Snape’s thirsty advances — what a creep. We explore what brought him here, and consider the biggest question of the series thus far: is Snape good? We get looney with Aunt Tuney, and celebrate the books’ primary protagonist. Harry’s there too, but he dies.
2 minutes | Aug 24, 2018
OOO in Albania — Quick Update
The wizards are taking a longer-than-usual break! Next episode to come mid-September. In the meantime, send your questions, comments, and howlers to email@example.com!
35 minutes | Aug 21, 2018
A Warrior’s Wheeze — Book 7, Ch. 31
House Slytherin drafts the traitor McLaggan from Gryffindor. Albania is the spookiest place on Earth, like WHAT is going on there?! Ron commits Parselfraud, lol. RIP to Crabbe… we think. Right? A real hero shows ‘em how to die.
41 minutes | Aug 14, 2018
House of Flying Daggers — Book 7, Ch. 28-30
This is now a Minerva Mcgonagall stan podcast. Harry’s getting better at Unspeakable Curses, and it’s good, actually. The guardian of the Hufflepuff dorm gets his own children’s show. Snape can fly, stop bullets, and see the green ones and zeroes that makeup our reality.
41 minutes | Aug 7, 2018
The Goblin Blockchain — Book 7, Ch. 25-27
The gang gets Griphooked. Aunt Muriel’s tiara makes an appearance on Antiques Roadshow. Ron goes too hard with his Transylvanian disguise and keeps saying “Bleh!” which ruins the plan. Hermoine gets lost and turns into a gross cave creature. Gold is a hot commodity.
51 minutes | Aug 1, 2018
101.3 KWIZ FM — Book 7, Ch. 22-24
We turn a philosophic eye toward banditry. Neville wins two tickets to see Death Grips in a radio contest. The Malfoys learn there’s no Command-Z for cronyism. Dobby, blood price... you get the idea. Ron grinds for some legendary-tier gear.
32 minutes | Jul 17, 2018
Crumpy & Friends — Book 7, Ch. 20-21
Neville is noided. Xenophilius Lovegood shows us his collection of exotic explosives. We learn about the legend of the Hallows, and consider all the many ways it could become a merchandising opportunity. Ron: friend.
32 minutes | Jul 10, 2018
Doe, a Deer — Book 7, Ch. 18-19
Harry discovers Dumbledore’s alt-right Youtube channel. Bambi provides the gang with poisonous weaponry in a well-timed but ill-conceived Disney tie-in. In the Ronniest chapter imaginable, Ron sheepishly returns from a dumb fight, kills something, and still manages to get owned.
32 minutes | Jul 5, 2018
Big Splinch — Book 7, Ch. 14-17
Ron gets splinched into three Rons. Kreacher becomes a SoulCycle instructor after Grimmauld Place gets gentrified. We break out the corkboard and yarn once again in search of the golden-haired thief. And our friend the titty snake gets a makeover.
37 minutes | Jun 26, 2018
Mid-Book Mailbag — Bonus Episode
It’s time for another reader mailbag! Big thanks to everyone who wrote in with questions, topics, and howlers. We have an EXCELLENT Ted Tonks conspiracy theory — really! More Dune-scussion! And most important of all: more Filch.
32 minutes | Jun 19, 2018
Thiccnesse — Book 7, Ch. 12-13
Does magic obey the laws of thermodynamics? Can you “accio” dark matter? Was Einstein a Hufflepuff? Umbridge uses Moody’s eye to cheat at canasta. Draco becomes an anti-Muggle propagandist and appears on InfoWars. The plan goes great.
30 minutes | Jun 13, 2018
RIP DJ Rashad — Book 7, Ch. 9-11
Ron’s wallet is the one that says “Bad Mother Fucker” on it. Where did Sirius even get Muggle swimsuit magazines from? Kreacher spills all in a very special episode of 60 Minutes. Madam Pomfrey invents the IUD.
35 minutes | Jun 5, 2018
I, Carly — Book 7, Ch. 6-8
Hermoine hones her broadsword in preparation for her upcoming quest. Scrimgeour delivers Dumbledore’s will, and reveals that he had a second, secret school that he was also running the entire time? Awkward. Ron lights his hair on fire. And Xenophilius Lovegood invites us on a tour of his candy factory.
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