Dealing with Mom Guilt | Mommy Jammies Night
Overcoming Mommy Guilt (Scroll ALL THE WAY DOWN to get to the player)
We’ve all done it – you know thinking we are not good enough or it is all our fault. Where did I go wrong – what could I have done differently –
When I was expecting my first child I thought – how can it be that hard? I was a teacher and handled an entire classroom of kids, one little kid can’t be difficult after that!
I was filled with my own self importance, my own skill set – my own…well, degree! I had an education degree in Early Childhood, Elementary Ed and Specific Learning Disabilities – I was degreed for K-12 I was all set, right?
Along came Neal, this beautiful bundle of joy – and he was the first and most perfect baby. He slept well and for hours, he barely cried, he nursed really well. In fact, I thought he was the easiest child ever! And, compared to my other four he was a very easy baby…
But fast forward and let me tell you I began to second guess every decision because the experts began to weigh in.
Well meaning family members, friends, the lady next door – everyone was an expert!
I began listening to my friends talk about their kids and their parenting methods were all over the board from the way permissive to the super, super strict—train up a child and that is the way he will grow crowd and don’t spare the rod crowd.
While I was very comfortably somewhere in between I began to realize that moms in general were a mess –
They were threading water – barely surviving.I listened to people share:
- I’m not good enough
- I’m going to ruin my children
- I’m not an expert
- My kids are going to grow up to hate me which is why I am going to be sure to spoil them
- It is all my fault!
Friends – if you hear nothing else I say …please hear this. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT – Let me repeat that – IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
As a Christian we have the tools to be super parents
– after all as Christians aren’t we heirs of the KINGDOM isn’t GOD OUR FATHER? Didn’t God promise not to forsake us but to send HIS spirit to guide us?
I understand you are on overload – I understand your child may be lost – and you know what? God has given us and them free will…
We can not mold our children in our image – however we can introduce them to the Almighty God
And we often preach to the choir – we ask our children to do the heavy lifting – to demonstrate to us God’s love and to show us they really understand.
We can see their walk with the Lord in the fruit they demonstrate
And if we don’t like that fruit – guess what? It is up to us to pray. And we pray – God do this and this and this – NO – we need to pray YOUR WILL LORD NOT MINE
God did not give us a spirit of fear New International Version 2Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will neverleave you nor forsake you. …. and hope; unto us is this gospel preached, as well as unto them; he will never fail thee, nor forsake thee, Heb 13:5.
Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit
…17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot receive Him, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you do know Him, for He abides with you and He will be in you. 18I will not leave you as orphans;I will come to you. 19In a little while, the world will see Me no more, but you will see Me. Because I live, you also will live.…
Do Not Worry (Luke 12:22-34) 25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns—and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifespan? 28And why do you worry about clothes? Consider how the lilies of the field grow: They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was adorned like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?31Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans pursue all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.
Moms – stop with the guilt!
- If you feel guilty it is not from God – He does not give us a sense of guilt.
- Feeling guilty is a sign that we lack faith – in ourselves and the power of God – think about that. It hurts doesn’t it? When I realized this myself … I had to pray and repent.
- Guilt is often misplaced. The guilty person – i.e. your child, gets off scott free – “It is not my fault”
- It’s not about you – it is about the offending party
It is not your fault. It really isn’t
Let me tell you a true story. I was praying to the Lord about a situation that was really outside of my control. I was apologizing to Him for something I felt was really a lack of faith. Then I felt the Lord answer my prayer with clarity – but the answer was very compelling, the Lord basically said, “Do you really think you have that much power?”
Wow. Just wow!
Sometimes friends we take on the burden of fault when it does not lie on our shoulders. We allow our child – in point 3 above to get off with a “free” card.
We are not responsible for someone eles’s free will decision – sometimes our children need to fall in order for the Lord to minister to them where they are – even if it feels like the entire world is falling in around your shoulders.
We fix everything from the time they are little to the time they are big – and when we can’t we get overwhelmed. We just can’t do it anymore!Solutions:
- Look at Mary – her infamous example as the mother of our Lord. At the wedding feast of Canaan where her wise words were, “Do what He tells you.” These words are applicable for us as well.
- Praise God in everything – yes, everything. Remember Romans 8:28
- Pray specifically, and if we don’t know how to pray ask the Lord. (Podcast: AFewMinutesWithGodPodcast.com
- Know that God hears you! He really does.