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Loving the F
32 minutes | Jul 20, 2021
Melissa Allison | Woman to Woman
It's all about women in this episode of LTF. Our host Melissa Allison gets real about being a woman and the importance of connection with other women.
38 minutes | Jul 13, 2021
Rebecca Oliver | Girls Trip PT 2
This is part two of Girls Trip with my sister Rebecca Oliver.
52 minutes | Jul 6, 2021
Rebecca Oliver | Girls Trip
Let me introduce my Irish twin, Rebecca Oliver. She's done everything she wanted to in life starting off with the dance team in high school, being crowned the Homecoming Queen in college and competing in beauty pageants which led her to the Miss California Beauty Pageant. Rebecca built a successful career in the beauty industry as a hair colorist and stylist in a top salon in Orange County. She's the mother of six children and has been married for 37 years to the love of her life. This four-day girl trip is special because we realized that, despite being so close in age - we've never gone on a trip that didn't involve our parents, siblings, spouses and/or our children. So buckle up - Rebecca and Melissa come up with some new "F" words on this long overdue adventure.
43 minutes | Jun 29, 2021
Gabrielle Stone | Eat, Pray, #FML
Actress Gabrielle Stone is a Californian born to actors Dee Wallace and Christopher Stone. You may have seen her in "Speak No Evil" or "It Happened Again Last Night." But her latest release is her memoir, "Eat, Pray, #FML," which written during a time which she says was worse than finding out her husband of two years was in the midst of a sex-month affair with a 19-year-old.Stone doesn't disappoint in this conversation as she shares not only her wisdom and wit, but is completely vulnerable where others might not.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________1:53 For me, I found the most nurturing and fulfilling relationships come when you're unfiltered and authentic. And I think that translated into my writing. I remember when my mom read my first draft, which was like the vomit draft of the book. She said, “Oh, God, Gabrielle, are you sure you don't want to, you know, change your name? Or maybe take out one of the people that you slept with? Like, tone it down a little bit?” And I was like, “No, you know, if I'm gonna put this piece of my life out into the world, it needs to be raw and in your face and how it happened and not tone down." Because I think that's what people will resonate with. And I think that it's proven to be 4:53 So, the thought onion is my kind of technique that allows you to look at your thoughts and your reactions that you're having, and really break them down, to understand where they're coming from, and what hurt place inside of you needs to be looked at in order to have different thoughts or different reactions in the future. So you look at it like an onion. And the first level is the superficial thought. And that's kind of the first initial knee jerk reaction that you have when something happens in your life, though, you know, before the words can even like be processed, they're escaping your mouth and you're like, Oh, I wish I wouldn't have maybe reacted that way. And then you take a step back and underneath that is the authentic thought. And that's the layer where the emotion that caused that initial reactive thought is coming from like, what place in me is being ignited to cause that first reaction. And then you take a step back from that and underneath that is the subconscious layer, which is where the real goal nuggets are. And that's usually a deep rooted subconscious belief or a trauma that happened to you when you were younger or something that really you've been holding on to for a very long time. And when you can get to that layer of it, that is really what's driving the reaction in the first place, then you can say, Okay, this is what I need to address and heal and work on if I'm going to make shifts with myself in the future.8:31 I am a firm believer that your trauma is not an excuse to treat other people badly. It is your responsibility to go and heal that trauma before you bring others into your orbit in a in a big way. And it really for me was a big learning lesson that I'm not the person that supposed to take care of someone in that way. You know, it wasn't my responsibility to protect to take care of him. And while I showed him an immense amount of compassion, I think, where I faltered, was not taking what was happening in his world at face value and waiting for something more to come of it.10:19 It's always been me and my mom, like if he had if she has someone come in if I have someone come in, it's like you're welcome and welcome to the family. But also it's don't mess with our bond. And I think a lot of it had to do with going through that grief together, even though I was so young, you know, she had to keep going for me. And she's been the one constant in my life. She's always been the, the person who didn't abandon me that I didn't ever have to question was going to be there. And I've never had that before with any other person. You know, in my life, either. They had chosen to abandon me or they had died. And so it she's really more than my mom. She's my best friend as well. I mean, don't get me wrong, we still, you know, have our bickering moments and we're still mother daughter. Um, but yeah, especially now that I'm older and past my angsty teenagers. Were very much so each other's confidence.11:58 There's a big misconception of, “Oh, she's so strong”. You know, “Nothing can hurt her.” Everything can hurt her. It's just she's gonna get through it. You know, the divorce didn't kill me. Javier didn't kill me. All the things I've been through in my life, all the death. None of that broke me. But does that mean any of it was easy to get through? Absolutely not. Did I feel strong going through any of that stuff? No, there were times, especially with the Javier saga, as I call it, um, where I was felt so broken. And you know, it, it was probably one of the lowest points of my life when I came back from Europe because I was on this amazing trip. And, you know, not that all of it was fun and partying, there was a lot of obviously reflecting and healing and processing. But everything was moving. So, it was constantly like, I'm going here, and now we're flying here, and I'm meeting these people, and I was never still. And then I came home. And that all stopped. And I had to then realize that I was divorced, living at my mother's house, heartbroken. And be like, what, where do I go from here, you know, especially as an actress, when you're only working when you book a job, and you're working. So, it was like, I really felt like I had nothing and I sunk into one of the biggest depressions I've ever experienced. And that's actually where the self-love cocktail was born. Which is why I don't write about it any pre FML until the epilogue, because I really didn't realize it and have it fully click until I had to pull myself out of the dark pits of depression. 14:33 For me that whole trip I was like searching for how do you love yourself because every person was saying, Well, you can't love another person until you love yourself for loving yourself as the most important thing and I was sitting there going okay, guys, I'm ready to do that. Can anybody tell me how please, like, just give me instructions to follow and nobody could. So, I was searching for this mythical feeling that everybody constantly talks about. And when I came home, the way that it was born was that I was so depressed I was in my bed and I was in that type of depression where you just want to sit in it which is scary and Didn't want to get up didn't want to do anything want to do like eat and binge watch TV shows, which oddly sounds like my, like my quarantine. And, and so what I did was like, Okay, I'm gonna write a list of all the things that used to make me happy and used to make me feel better. And for me that was going to the gym and eating well and dancing, creating, writing. And I put that list on my mirror and was like, okay, as long as you give yourself two of these things you've earned getting back in bed and watching TV or doing whatever you want to do. So consistently, for a couple of weeks, I was doing that. And then I would add in another one and another one until I was doing three to four to five things a day that really made me feel better, and made my soul happy. And that really is as simple as it is. That's loving yourself. Because when we're in relationships, any relationship dynamic, a significant other a mother, daughter, brother, sister, when we want that person to feel love, we give them and show them things that make them experience love. So when we want to give love to ourself and experience self-love, why would we not do the same thing?16:49 I don't think that you can't fix yourself and have a healthy relationship while you're working on self-love. I don't think it's one or the other, I don't think you have to break up with your current partner to go figure out how to love yourself, and then you can have a healthy relationship. I think it's a mixture of everything. And I think everybody's different. I know for myself personally, that I need to be consistently filling my own cup up and making sure I am happy and not letting that be dependent on another person. So, I but you know, I the person that I'm with now in my relationship, there were times we were together when I was still figuring out how to love myself there were times where I was not doing great. And it's you know, it's just about the people coming together to the table both willing to work and the other person recognizing like, okay, “She needs to go on this type of journey right now or she needs to you know, still be doing some work and vice versa.” I think it's a constant thing there's you know, I can talk about self-love and how I'm healed and everything's so peachy and great and it is but like in a week I'll be like oh my god I can't do it anymore guys. And so, it's it's constant it ebbs and flows. That's life. You know, 19:01 So many times and not always in relationships, even with goals that people set, they'll be like, “Oh, you know, I'll, I'll go after this dream I have but after I do a B and C.” Or, “Oh, you know, I'll eventually complete this task but maybe I should really do this, this in this first.” And in the timings never right. You're never ready. Um, my current relationship came into my life at the worst possible time and was wrapped all frickin wrong for me. And I fought it every step of the way. So it really is a matter of just… I'm a big proponent of saying, “yes.” And you know, after my divorce was probably the biggest time where I should have put a wall up and protected my heart. And instead, weeks later, I fell blind fully in into the arms of Javier. And if I would have cautioned myself and said, “No,” or “Let's take it slow,” or “I'm not booking my trip to Europe,” where the hell would I be right now? I mean, I can't even imagine. So I'm always a big advocate of just saying, “Yes.” Obviously, don't ignore the blatant red flags that are flying in front of your face. But you know, say yes, jump if the universe is putting it in front of you. Even if you get your heart broken, it's gonna lead you somewhere where you need to be.20:35 Yeah, that trip absolutely changed my life. The reflecting that I did, on that trip changed my life, the experiences that I had the people that I met it, it really, if you look at my life as a blueprint, you can see how every single decision and step and bad thing that happened led me to being right here. And I would take that path over and over again to get here.21:39 I’m a walking example of everything happens for a reason. I mean, normally, or sometimes you can't see it until you're on the other side, looking back at it. But even when I found out I was going on this trip by myself as heartbroken as I was, I still was like, oh, okay, well, my biggest fear since I was a little girl is fear of abandonment. And this is the universe's way of making me go face that shit head on.22:46 I've always pushed through somehow, or walked through the fear. And I think that's when really big change happens, and really big rewards happen. But I do believe as silly as this may sound, I do believe that my big life purpose, at least thus far at you know, 32 was to go on this journey and find all this out and write this book to help other people heal. And it's, it's definitely been worth it every step of the way.23:42 I'm always going to tell you to book a flight and go solo travel, and not go with friends. Solo travel, there's something about it that forces you out of your comfort zone and forces you to really look at who you are and what you want, in a really beautiful way. So I think everybody should do it at least once in their lifetime. But I think that's in part for me why I started FML talk, which is my podcast, because there's so many questions that I get from my readers about, well, you know, this happened to me, how do I heal if I can't, you know, go across to Europe. And so I do different episodes on like Grief and Healing and cheating and divorce and forgiveness and all the things and, you know, it's really healing is not linear, and it's it's a very personal journey. So I can tell you specific formulas and things that have worked for me, but they might not work for other people. It's really about at the core, I think is deciding what you want to heal from and what you want to change and really committing to figuring out how to do that. That's where it all starts.25:47 I think it would have been really easy for most people to sit there and vilify an ex. For me, that's not what this book has ever been about. Even with my ex-husband, I mean, I didn't, at first I wasn't going to write the chapters, about the half finding out about the affair and the divorce, I was just going to kind of preface it with like, “I got cheated on and divorced. And here's the real story,” because that's really not what it's about. Um, and my girlfriend's were like, “No, Gabrielle, you have to go back and write that that was like an episode of CSI how you found out.” Um, so I did. But even in writing those my intent was never to vilify him. I mean, they were just facts. And actually, I left out some of the things that I had found, because it was just adding to him looking bad. And that wasn't my goal, either. My goal was to tell the experience of what I went through, and be truthful about it. And as far as Javier, I wrote that book on my trip, so I started at the day, I landed in London, and I wrote three fourths of it on my Europe trip. And even finishing it, when I came back, I was still very much in love with him. So, I was writing it from a place of love, and, you know, still being like, “this is what he did to me, and it sucks, and I'm heartbroken.” But I was never going to vilify him because I was still so in love with him at the time when I wrote it. And I think even with the second book, people will see that there's times where I still will protect him and things that happen. And there's times where I will call, call the bullshit. And I definitely being on this side of it now, two years after the fact. It, it really, I see a lot more clearly because I don't have those love goggles on anymore. But I wouldn't have done it any different way. You know, I wouldn't have wanted to write, “Eat, Pray, #FML” in a place coming from spite because it's at the end of the day, the two men in that book serves a huge purpose in my life, whether or not that was a positive or negative or it hurt me. Base served a huge purpose in my life. And for that I will forever be grateful. And there now characters in my story. 30:24 Well, I think when she first read the first draft, it was kind of like shock for her. You know, it's not every day that you're reading about your daughter's sexcapades. So I understand that, um, but she read the sec, for the second time she read it when it was fully, you know, done and published, where I had made some changes and worked on it with my editor. Not that a ton of it changed. But there was some parts that that shifted, and so she had had some time to process it then. And I will never forget, she called me when she was done. And she was in tears. And she said, “Gabrielle,” you know, she's obviously besides an actress, she's a world healer, and does healing work with clients all over the world every day. And she said, “I had just had a private the other day with my client. And they were saying, ‘I get that I have to love myself, you keep saying that. But like, I don't know how to do that.’” And my mom said, “and I couldn't get through to her in a simplified way of what she needed to do. And then I turned to the last page, and there it was in my daughter's book.” And I think ultimately now she's just very proud. Because she's seen firsthand how many lives it's touching people its affected.31:14 It's fairly new, I guess fairly new. We started about six months ago, I was kind of forced into doing it. People have asked me to do it since the book came out. And I think I had been a guest on so many that I was like, What am I going to talk about, everybody has a podcast, like I don't know. And then quarantine happened. And my one of my good friends was like, “Look, I'll produce it for you. Let's just do it.” 33:41 It's dependent on the situation and the person. But first and foremost, you have to feel it, you have to allow yourself to grieve it, you have to cry, you have to recognize and validate all of the feelings that you're experiencing. And then no matter how long that takes, you have to eventually decide that it is not going to define you, and you have to decide that you're going to move forward. And when you can make that decision, and utilize tools like the self-love cocktail and be like, “Okay, I'm really sad. This really sucks. But I am going to get better and move forward. So I'm going to give myself two things that make me happy every day,” and really commit to doing that it's an act of practice and when we're in that devastating pit of just sadness, that's the best thing that can start to pull you out is giving yourself things that your soul loves, that makes you happy and makes you feel good. That doesn't involve anybody else. It's a personal thing. You know, the stuff on your self-love cocktail list can't be like, things that are received from other people like, oh, it really like makes me happy when my boyfriend does this, or when my friends give me this, it has to be things that you can give yourself that you don't need any outside influences to do. And be patient with yourself. You know, like, it's not always going to be a quick fix, which is the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around. Because if there's ever a problem in my life, I'm like, “let's fix it, what's the answer?” Um, so to be patient with yourself, and you know, know that it's, it's a journey, and you're gonna learn something from it. And for me, what has always kept me going in dark times is knowing that everything happens for a reason. It's always happening for a reason, even if you can't see it now, and knowing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is more beautiful than you can imagine.37:49 It, it was insane. I mean, my friends would call me and say, “What's going on this week in the Netflix episode that has become your life?” And so, this second book has a lot of characters reappear, where and it's always so funny to call them characters because they're real people. Javier is is in the second book. And we meet new characters, one of which is the, my, my relationship that I am in now, which people will see all over my social media. It's not not a spoiler, but um, what it took for us to get to where we are is his book worthy. And a couple of the fun characters that I met on my Europe trip do, do pop up everybody, you know, the first question they always have is, “Do you still talk to Javier? And did Chris come to LA?” So all of those questions get answered. And it's, it's kind of, it's been harder to write this second one than the first one. I feel like the first one kind of just channeled out of me, and I was writing it as it was happening. And the second one, I've had to go back over two years and dredge up things that I'm not necessarily proud of that I know, it's going to hurt some people to read, not super comfortable situations to look back on. And it's been a challenge, and I am ready to, to birth this second one out to the world. And then kind of close that that chapter. For what whatever that's worth and move on to the next phase.41:49 I used to feel like I had to dim my light and minimize, whether it was projects I was doing or my story, and I feel now that I can go all the way and it’s kind of limitless. And I feel a lot more stable in sharing my truth and being big – you know? Not having to feel like I have to tiptoe around and make sure everyone feels comfortable with my energy. I can just allow myself to expand and be comfortable in that.
38 minutes | Jun 22, 2021
Melissa Allison | Chrysalis
Loving the F and Melissa are back with a new logo and website. In this episode Melissa fills you in on upcoming guests, books, her own evolution and how she continues to redefine the forbidden in her life. You don't want to miss it.
31 minutes | Aug 10, 2020
Melissa Allison | Action
In this episode I provide an update about my new life in Texas and the amazing adventure my life continues to be along with some twists and turns that even I didn't see coming.
57 minutes | Aug 3, 2020
Emily Herr & Moonie Day | Artist Update
Emily Herr & Moonie Day are back from Episodes 4 and 6 where we talked about art. Both ladies provide an update about where they are artistically, where they're headed and how they're moving through this worldwide pandemic.
45 minutes | Jul 27, 2020
TaMara | Witchcraft
Crones Hollow Owner TaMara talks about witchcraft, energetics and how to take control of your own life during unprecedented times. She also clears up some myths about what it is and isn't.FBSometimes ritual is simply a prayer. It’s reaching out to something bigger than you to assist you.We set things into motion and we do that by changing the vibration of either ourselves or the things around us to steer us into a certain direction.One of the most powerful things you can do is to say the words out loud.Occult is just something that tries to control you. Witchcraft doesn’t do that. They want to empower you, not disempower you.The people that are afraid of them are the very people that come to the class. They want to know more.Certain Christina sects has made witchcraft a terrible thing when it isn’t. All witchcraft is, is empowering yourself and using all tools available to you to become a better person in the way you want to become. Not in the way your church wants you to become.Our culture is so broken when it comes to death that we can’t even say it. Not only can we not say the word – we can’t view the body. We’re afraid to touch the body. That final gift of washing and caring for someone we love is taken away from us because we have to b e afraid of the dead when really – the person we loved has simply taken a different form.When we reach out to spirits we’re not looking for ghosts to come wiggle around in a Halloween atmosphere – what we want to do is reach out and restore a relationship with someone we love, our ancestors, our family that has passed on.I’m a seer. When we work wth the dead, I open myself up entirely. So, does that open me up to possession – maybe. But what is that possession? For me its somebody’s grandma that just needs my mouth to say the words because their granddaughter is sitting in the room.Journaling is the easiest work you can do for yourself. When you learn a little bit, then you have questions come up and that’s are where the magic happens.Answers close doors, questions open them, so keep asking questions.Everyone has the ability, but to what degree are you open?Once I really started trusting my gut was when the magic really started kicking in.In order for us to be truly open to learning, we have to think like a child…if you need help getting out of the way you’’ve always thought, go read “Green Eggs and Ham,” cause its going to change the way you think and opens your mind.If you believe you can do it, then you open the door for it happening.There are unethical readers out there.If you have a demon, I can’t make it go away – you can make it go away.Go and experience grace, and then step back and experience humanity. And then go back and experience grace again, and then step back and experience humanity…as you move back and forth – you will have what is called the hedge witch – one foot in one side and one foot on the other. You’re experiencing both.
63 minutes | Jul 19, 2020
Angela Durant | Brilliant
In this conversation Mindset Coach, Speaker and self-proclaimed Escape Artist Angela Durant shares her escape from a J-O-B which no longer fulfilled her to discovering her own brilliance. It's not a secret the creator of the "Be Brilliant Movement" found her bliss helping others to discover their own.Free WebinarFree Brand Clarity CallEverybody has some special gift. Some of us, it takes us longer to discover it, but it's in everybody. (20:27)Light should never be hidden. (21:20)We're made for this moment. (24:56)There is more out there for us and what I've learned is, we can create it. We are powerful enough to design what we want...maybe it might look different than we imagine it to be but we can create what we want.(25:16)What I've found is oftentimes when they come to me, they haven't given themselves permission to embrace what is possible. (25:43)I think oftentimes people don't realize what they have is really greatness. Because, it comes so naturally to them, its like breathing. (26:00)If you could only see yourself the way I can see you, you'd think a whole lot differently. You'd take more chances, you'd be more courageous. (26:57)Sometimes we need other people who can see for us what we can't see for ourselves. (26:47)I've been telling myself that story for a long time and I accepted it as fact, I never saw it as a story. (33:15)If we know that one thing is possible, then universal law says the opposite is also possible.(34:23)It's also possible that there is something even greater, even better awaiting you. So why are you holding onto a job that doesn't serve you any more? Why are you staying in a relationship that doesn't serve you or support you anymore because you're afraid, when your dream guy is out there waiting for you? (35:55)If "this" is possible, that could happen, there's' also something greater that can happen and that's where the focus should go and that helps pull you forward. (36:40)You can create your own boardroom. I say, "Why be stressed in an environment like that when you can just push away and say 'okay. If my words, if my voice isn't valued here, once I know who I am, once I know what I have to offer...you can walk away without friction. You can walk away and create something else.'" (52:04)Those millions of dollars you helped someone else build in their firms, you can start doing that for yourself. (52:37)There's an abundance out there for all of us, but sometimes from our perspective we can't even see it. Sometimes from our perspective we put ourselves out there with people or things when we don't even belong there. (55:49)Once you make the decision that that's what I want...once they understand that and make a decision, all the other things come. A lot of times people think, "Well I have to have the money first or I can't get that. No, you make the decision first. (1:00:14)If you could create it without friction, what would it look like? Lets focus on that and figure out a roadmap to that. (1:01:39)
28 minutes | Jul 12, 2020
Melissa Allison | Home
Its just you and me in this episode as I share the latest in my journey of going from being homeless to finding shelter.
76 minutes | Jul 5, 2020
Christina Putch | Friendship, Motherhood and Forbidden Escape
Christina Putch and I have been friends for about 20 years. In this episode we talk about our friendship, motherhood and the need to escape.Christina and I are joined by her daughter Ashley who has four children. We talk about the realities of motherhood as we sip wine, tell stories and laugh until our cheeks and stomachs ache.
61 minutes | Jun 28, 2020
Dannielle Bryan | Ego
As always, Shamanic Twist Founder Dannielle Bryan is engaging, provocative and funny. In this conversation there is a lot of laughter sandwiched between layers of information about the ego. Dannielle suggests the ego may have a purpose, so don't be too quick about trying to incise it from your beingness.The thing about the shadow is not stuff we don't want to own. It's disowned parts of our self. Its the part not fully in the light. (01:19)There are parts of ourselves that we have disowned. There are elements that we'd rather not admit exist but there are also elements of ourselves that we think we don't have and we do... that too exists within us and if we don't see it within ourselves, its held in shadow. (01:57)Everything in our life experience is divinely orchestrated. There are gifts in all of it and when we can see the gift, and fully integrate it, from there we can let go of the pattern that no longer serves.(03:20)What I've come to be known to be true for myself about the ego...it is nuts. .That part of that mad mind, that nonstop voice that goes on in the back of our beingness, a lot of that is the ego. And what is the ego? It's part of our personality that we identify with but it is not who we are. (04:37)If this is an aspect of myself, what's in there? (06:34)I love what Michael Singer said in his book , The Untethered Soul, "It's not loyal." (07:43)If we're only seeing the parts of the ego that don't serve, or that we judge to not serve, and that exists too, there are those parts...if we really look at what's happening in there, its information for us. (10:41)Sometimes the journey of our evolution feels counterintuitive and it feels like an oxymoron...the medicine was that I actually had to identify with it. I had to believe I could do it. (12:44)When we're willing to look at what's driving the behavior and what's underneath it, then there's a place where the ego, that part of our personality, can actually can become in service to the essence of who we really are, living from that higher state of our consciousness. It actually can be in service. (14:26)The ego part of ourselves is in some kind of relationship with our individual personality and who we are. And if we're to look at that as being bad and wrong and just drop it and "kill the ego," what are we really doing? (15:23)It's to look at all the parts of ourselves and say, "Yes, that too exists in me." (18:47)That experience lives in all of us. To recognize that on one level offers forgiveness and compassion and it also helps us to recognize that we are made up of all kinds of possibilities. (19:59)Is there a part of ourselves that we can recognize that we're perfect just as we are? (24:06)We all want to start at the place that says, "We're perfect just as we are." But that's just a saying until we actually get to the place where we know it and believe it. So it is cliche' until its not. (24:59)What if we just fucking stop that insanity and start with where we are and say, "Can I love and accept myself, right here, right now, exactly how I am?" And then the next line of thought or questioning can be, "If something is no longer working for you, what is in there that needs to be honored and recognized and integrated so that we can stop doing the behavior that doesn't work and we can choose into something else?" But to get in this place of, "I've got to fix all this stuff and get perfect," that is a never-ending, lifelong, exhaustive marathon.(25:37)If I ask you to step into the energetics and I ask you to not think, but to feel and tell me what is the gift of this," its a different level of engagement. (29:58)And we look at where do we get on the triangle with ourselves? Where do we get on the triangle with ourselves? And that tends to be the insanity of the mad mind. Of that voice in our mind that is always telling us something about what we are not doing or should be doing. And that is your own personal bully. (35:27)When we can own the gifts, it becomes one of our greatest strengths and one of our greatest resources. (50:32)If you're unwilling to look at all those pieces about your stuff, its still in play. (51;38)If anyone says, "Oh, I've done my shadow work," BEWARE. As if its all done. As if one quick gander into the land of shadow ends it all there. Lets be willing to grow, to accept, to be introspective, to say, "What's in there? What's going on?..." (52:27)So much richness comes from that place and so much of our ability to stand in our power and to be co-creators of our life and create more of what we want comes from that place and willingness to go to those places we say we'd rather not. (54:10)
47 minutes | Jun 28, 2020
Taylor Proctor | Happiness Abound
I met Taylor Proctor at a podcast conference and was immediately taken with her, her mission, vision and downright effervescence. It didn't take long for me to know I had to have her on Loving the f.In this conversation Taylor is honest about her own path from being a self-proclaimed angry person. She used to say, "Hell hath no anger like Taylor minorly inconvenienced."Now on the other side, she shares how others can do the same through mentoring and her daily podcast, Happiness Abound.I was a very angry person and very much in a victim mindset, an entitlement mindset for a good couple of years of my life... and anger was my template. (01:18)I started to feel broken, because I could see other people were happy and I thought that it was inherent. I thought, like, you're just supposed to naturally be happy. And when I wasn't, I felt like I was wrong, I was broken. And every time I would try to be happy, it was very fleeting. (03:18)I started to go day-by-day, and try to change my mindset. It actually started with driving of all things...I started to try and have grace for other people. (04:36)Any time there's a crappy situation, if I say, "I'm here to learn and grow," I'm not a victim, right? I'm here, I'm learning and I'm growing and I can handle this better next time. (06:01)Don't confuse guilt with gratitude. (11:17)The game changer that I teach is called the CLEAR model: (12:42)How do you build confidence? You build it by doing the work every single day and for some people, that's really hard.(26:54)The biggest misconception is that people think they should be inherently happy. (29:59)Seeing what triggers you is a great way for you to have an in-depth look. (33:10)If that person is trying to hold you back, and this is a gut check for everyone, if that person is trying to hold you back, do they really love you enough to want the best for you? (41:45)You are your own best friend. You need to be in a loving, caring relationship with yourself. Which is hard when you feel like you're broken or you keep telling yourself you're not good enough, you're not worthy, etc... You're biggest priority should be yourself. (43:32)
61 minutes | Jun 28, 2020
Amy Bammel Wilding | Wild & Wise
I discovered Amy Bammel Wilding through her audiobook, "Wild & Wise." The meditations, her voice, her message and the call of the divine feminine were and are too powerful to be put off.In this conversation Amy is bold, fearless and outspoken as she shares her ideas, beliefs and mission. Within her words there is also healing, empowerment and love for both women and men. I've always felt like I was a channel for this medicine. It doesn't come specifically from me, it comes through me. (04:15)Patriarchy is going to have to be disrupted and dismantled from the inside out. (08:21)This is probably the primary point of contact between women and patriarchy, is our bodies. And we are very systematically disconnected from our power because of the shame associated with menstruation...there's such a lack of power in girls and women and by extension, boys and men. (09:44)In every circle that I sit in with women, what I hear a hunger to be able to talk about things related to our female experience. (10:45)Patriarchy isn't about men, its a social structure that rewards particular things ie domination and hyper-masculinity is one of these things that is considered the ultimate expression of manhood. So you have to be really strong and really dominant and cut off your emotions so, this is incredibly damaging to boys and men because, what it says to them is you're only acceptable if you're exhibiting power or dominance over something else. (11:47)We all have sensitivity, we all have kindness, we all have affection we all have needs for closeness and intimacy and those things are really amputated in boys and men. (13:12)Women internalize and pass on patriarchy as much as men. (14:28)Watching a woman go through the rebirth process and reclaiming her power and the goddess archetype within her and her sovereignty - it is one of the most powerful things I've ever seen...I midwife these rebirths and it truly is a magnificent honor. (19:07)Archetypes allow us to connect to an idea of what we're feeling inside. (19:50)I would like to see, in our culture, that we don't have to go through a reclaiming process because, we get to claim it from the beginning. (20:21)The fear of judgement shapes so much of what we do as women and that as we get to this midlife point and peri-menopause - I think that is what is so profound about that time is we get to the point of, "I really don't care what people think, I really don't care what you think or what culture thinks. I know what is mine to reclaim" and that is the really powerful catalyst that happens for women, I think. (21:38)What they say is, "I feel like I'm a girl again. I feel like I'm in my preteen years where I know what I really want and I'm not afraid to say it. (22:55)It's heartbreaking to hear the things fathers do and say to their daughters... But the way we change that narrative for our girls is by modeling acceptance of what they're going through but also modeling for them that we're holding that safe space for theem. (25:00)I used to say, "When women heal the world heals," and that's definitely true. But now I'm like, "Oh god, the men have to heal. They've got to heal or nothing can ever change. (30:32)What I see is that, in this particular moment in culture, there's such immense pressure on women to maintain the role as the primary caregiver in their families but also be out in the world working and doing whatever job earning money... But there is no system of support to help women get through that. So I see a lot of mothers going through emotional burnout and having mental breakdowns. (32:32)Mothers are drowning right now and there is not a lifeline. The only lifeline really is, "Can you afford psychiatric care? Can you afford a councilor? Do you have access? Do you have time in your schedule to go to therapy?" That is the reality and its not accessible to most women, unfortunately. (34:00)Women are spending a lot of money to receive the type of support which comes inherently with community. Which is, someone else to have eyes on your kids for an hour a day or someone to help you make food...we are not meant to be doing this alone but we are. (34:27)What you compromise is a sense of worthiness. Why are we signing up for this? (43:01)It's really harmful, in our culture, the way women are treated by the medical establishment which is that, we're typically not listened to, not believed. Most people don't understand what is related to peri-menopause and menopause, not to mention a lot of other things women deal with. (54:36)If we allow women to return to focusing on that (right of passage), it can really create a meaningful journey for them. (57:21)Jane Shinoda Bolen
41 minutes | Jun 28, 2020
Tracey Ferrin | Up Struggle
I've literally known Tracey Ferrin since she was a baby - easy since she's my niece. I can tell you she does what she does because from day one she's been a spitfire. The youngest daughter of four, she was running the show well before starting kindergarten. As a woman, she's exercised those skills which have helped her navigate her life and that of her family's. In this conversation she breaks down the lessons she has learned since being a pregnant, single mom facing a rare form of cancer at the ripe young age of 18. As she tells it, life didn't stop there.Going all in, that has changed everything. (06:11)I love it because you don't realize all the little things that lead you up to where you're at. (09:39)Wait a minute - I'm purpose. So, whatever I choose to do, I'll bring purpose to it. (13:05)Cancer was just my ultimate struggle. I have been through some other stuff that other people aren't aware of because of who I am today. But it's because of those things that I've been through, that I am who I am today. (15:11)There are three types of struggles: (16:01)You're not meant to struggle alone, so who are you leaning on to help you get through it? (17:35)We do have to prime ourselves. The way I feel like we can prime ourselves is we have to push ego and pride aside. (18:53)Use what you went through to help others get through. (20:14)Struggle + reflection = lesson (20:52)Struggles can equal happiness, if we choose. But again, it is a choice for us to choose. (21:32)I visualize myself in a dark tunnel...if I just keep moving, eventually, the light will come through. (24:20)I heard someone once say, "Excuses are pretty little lies that temporarily make us feel better. (26:43)
56 minutes | Jun 28, 2020
Amber Raleigh | Supawesome Life
You might be asking, "What is a 'Supawesome Life?'" Amber Raleigh will tell you its living the life meant only for you. Her goal is to simply help you navigate your way there. In this conversation Amber is delightful, funny and sincere as she shares the many lessons and insights she's learned on her way to living her very own Supawesome Life.We so want to help life fulfill our purpose. The reality is life is going to do that no matter what. (06:05)It (life) lets us sit in some really uncomfortable spaces, some really deep pain. That's what life knows we need to get out of our way to run our next race.You're never late for your life. (06:39)Never compare yourself with other peoples path, because that's their path. (12:09)Everything I do today is right and nothing is wrong. Because, if you're really truly trusting your path and you're in this amazing, beautiful romance with life, then you can't do anything wrong. (13:05)No ego shaming...(22:14)The very nature of an empath - if you're asking yourself if you're being egotistical, then you are not being egotistical. (24:18)If you're being triggered, I'm here to help you through it. We all get triggered, we're not immune to that. (25:38)Tips & Resources (26:47)The number one factor to helping people live in a healthier state is connectedness. (39:11)I just made a choice, in who I am, to let my love come out. (50:51)It's always about trusting your own path and being okay with discovering that. It may take your whole life but, you will discover it. Every day you discover more about yourself if you're willing to listen. (54:05)
49 minutes | Jun 28, 2020
I met Elizabeth Strusz at the Powerful-U Conference in Salt Lake City, UT November 2018. She is first a wife and mother, then an entrepreneur, speaker, stylist and teacher. Listen in to hear how we met, the impact it had on me and her no-holds barred, truth-telling approach to life and how to live it in real time.We wind up having a feeling, then we create a belief system and now we have a perception and now we've created a reality. (07:50)I've struggled my whole with being enough and I think that's the general downfall of humanity right now, is we have everybody walking around thinking they're not enough. I don't actually know what we're supposed to be enough for. (08:19)People worry about being enough because, they don't talk to the right people, they don't create the right boundaries, frankly. (12:05)We all have a place in each other's life. And if we can just respect whatever that is, we wouldn't be let down as much. (12:28)If I have a string attached, I tell you at the beginning of the conversation. How do we give the rest of the world the permission to live on that level because, I think there is so much freedom and happiness from living like that. (13:27)I think, people who haven't hit rock bottom, are missing out. (19:14)Spoiler alert - we all end up in the same place. I'm not interested in racing anybody right now. Right now I want to cheer on as many people as I can. Right now I want to enjoy life. (22:22)Being able to learn how to be selfish so that you can be selfless, because so often the people I watch who become selfish are the people who don't know how to have boundaries. they're the people who don't know how to put themselves first . So they actually wind up exploding into this "selfish realm" that nobody understands because they never spoke up. (22:53)Somebody in my path, somewhere, needs t hear this story. I think that's where we really get to change the world is understanding that we live through in reality, can be used to serve somebody else but we have to let them open that door first. (29:06)Everybody's "rock bottom" is different. (29:35)I don't know if people need to have "rock bottom." But, they have to hit something hard enough that they're willing to change their viewpoint and that is not something anybody can do for anyone else. (29:52)If more people could look at the one good part of their life, lose themselves in that, then its easier to come out on the other side. (34:49)If we can unglamorize what it means to change your perception within yourself and unglamorize what it means to have a turning point in your life if its not rock bottom and understand that the people you think that woke up overnight like this - GIRL - she did not wake up like that. And whether she got it from her momma doesn't matter either because, we have to make some sort of separation so we can be ourselves. (36:05)I hope that by living in my authenticity of who I am I give permission to others. I hope it is not just what I say, I hope it is what I do that allows people to understand that it really is okay. (36:44)
13 minutes | Jul 11, 2019
Episode 67 - Forbidden Thursday | Leaving
In this episode, I've just left my son to live with his older brother and I'm headed to see my mother for the first time in six years - possibly for the last time. All before heading back to Utah to deal with the aftermath of losing my home.
3 minutes | Jul 9, 2019
Episode 66 | Plan
Episode 66 is short and sweet as I share the simplicity and impact of having a plan.
32 minutes | Jul 7, 2019
Jessica Crate | Champion Mindset
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