Listen Now

Once upon a time on Long Walks and Robots...The robots break down the performances of a couple of Philip K. Dickheads in "A Scanner Darkly."  Two questions.  How are they eating through those hoods, and are those cartoon boobs?  Then Shane Clifton Colins Jr'd Ryan.  Huh?  They watched "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood."  Ohhhh... he Clifton Colins Jr'd him.  Right.  Wait, what?Moving on.  The bots also talk TV.  I remember seeing TV capitalized as a kid.  But as an adult, I feel like I've seen it lower case.  What if... my edible just kicked in?  Regardless, it seems as though Marvel's What if series is rather hit or miss.  I mean, how do you mess up zombie superheroes?  That's like having the rights to make a Batman film and then making a crappy movie... oh.  Speaking of mediocrity, the season 5 two-episode finale of Rick and Morty didn't seem to stick the landing on an already shaky season.  Perhaps there are too many cooks in the kitchen.  Or rather, maybe there is a colossal conspiracy birthed from the very mind that gave genesis to this parody property.  Is Rick and Morty even considered a parody anymore?  Was it ever?  It was right?  Cause "Back to the Future."  How much did I take??A truly jam-packed send-off for Ryan Bot.  Damn!  Two dash words in one sentence!  This man spittin'.  But seriously, a fantastic year-long voyage in cinema with our bot, and he will be missed.  Bruh, did you just drop another dash?  Now you just flexin'.  Have no fear young robots!  Shane will return in thrice weeks (I don't think that's how you use that word) to crack open some cold movies and elaborate to fruition.  Will he be alone?  Will Filipino Steve make a triumphant return?  Will there be a female companion?  Prolly not.  But maybe!  But, prolly not.  Now go see Shang-Chi!!You messed up that last sentence reading to yourself, didn't you?  Until then... Please Stand By!!

This Week on Long Walks and Robots...Ahh Mr. Black, you fail to disappoint once again.  The bots get all oily in the lug nuts over the lost Lethal Weapon storyline known as "The Last Boyscout."  Yippee ki..... what's that?  Oh!  That's not the movie?  Wait... really?  Ok, if you say so.  Well, not to be outdone by the bullets, tits, and guns; Gandolfini and Redford bring the heavy in the military prison drama, "The Last Castle."  When the warden's away, the inmates will play.  Be honest, have you ever even heard the word trebuchet? What if... the show's improving?  The stories of Marvel's newest small-screen endeavor seem to be trending vertically.  Episodes 3 and 4 provide Shane with a renewed outlook for the latter portion of the season.  However, Ryan is one more disappointment away from "heading to the store for some smokes."  Also, with Shang-Chi now in theaters, Shane is going to brave the mega-city to imbibe cinema the good old-fashioned way.   Will he return with refueled hope for the new phase future, or perhaps with a nifty new variant?  Only time will tell.All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...Maniac!  The bots get uncomfortable watching a dark slasher through the enormous eyes of everyone's favorite hobbit, Elijah Wood.  Then Ryan and Shane transition to the lighter side of stalking via Chevy Chase and Christie Brinkley on the road to Walley World.  We takin a Vacation y'all!  And yeah, that's how you spell Walley World.  I googled it.  So there.What if... this show didn't exist?  New Marvel you fickle mistress.  A bland showcase falls short of what could have been a spectacular display of diverse animated mediums.  The bots question the future vision of the MCU, and speculate on the projected box office success of films to come.Finally, Ryan springs some somber news that may sour the upcoming 20th anniversary.  Hang in there buddy!  If Magic can beat it, so can you!  #1984All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This Week on Long Walks and Robots...Nicolas Cage!!  That's right, the prodigal bot has returned to intrigue and delight us once again.  "Pig" becomes the next entry in an ever-engaging library of films in a kaleidoscopic career.  Speaking of bots, Peter Sarsgaard voices a delightful one opposite Frank Langella in "Robot & Frank."  Apparently, Susan Sarandon makes a wife so nice you'll try to marry her twice.What if... Marvel, Rick, or Morty aren't good anymore??  Another folly in Ryan's eyes is a moderately enjoyable 30 minutes for Shane.  The new Disney Plus series offers a slow starter built off a foundation of easter eggs.  Coupled with a lackluster 5th season of Rick and Morty, it seems like the boy's favorite toys are broken.  With great creativity comes heavy criticism.  Perhaps climbing to such heights provides too great a fall.  Only time will tell.Later, Korra makes a return to the conversation, Ryan finds out where Julia Stiles has been, and Shane discovers the secrets of interdimensional travel.All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots…The would be greatest comic book title of all time is actually the names of this week’s movies.   A true divide of the cinematic spectrum; from blockbuster event to an indie darling.  The Suicide Squad is dripping with style and James Gunn-ie goodness.  While Captain Fantastic leans more to the existential exploration of right and wrong, steeped in grief, and sprinkled with jokes. I sense some ironic parallels. Who knew?!Later the bots delve into some Netflix flare. Since Shane was unable to take in this week’s Rick and Morty, our robosapiens share their revelations after viewing the first five episodes of Kevin Smith’s Masters of the Universe. They also question whether it’s humor or cringe that sets “I Think You Should Leave” in its own comedic category.  Also, Shane learns how life works, kisses and tells, and did they mention they like Tara Strong?  Well they do. All this and more on Long Walks and Robots…Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...Turns out the bots wanted to jam, so they went and slammed.  That's right, Space Jammed!  Ryan and Shane visit memory lane as they revisit the original Space Jam on their way to "a new legacy."  After the 2 hour Warner Bros. propaganda film, the boys stayed glued to that HBO Max for the recently uncancelled, The Hunt.  Man, that Betty Gilpin sure is a really good actress.  Since our robots had a brief hiatus, there was a double dose of Rick and Morty to cover.  The boys talk turkey about episodes 5 and 6.  While a minor mid-season lull is giving Ryan Marvel PTSD, Shane is reassured of the Harmon / Roiland dream team by way of a seasonally displaced Thanksgiving special.  And, as if this episode wasn't packed tighter than five pounds of shit in a whore's purse, Ryan and Shane squeeze in some animation talk on the heels of Netflix's release of Master's of the Universe: Revelation.  Listen and find out who's impervious to drugs, who had a heart attack, and who has testicles on their neck after they become a three-dimensional being.  All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...On their way back to the present our Robots made a little pit stop in the birthplace of modern-day action, the 80's.  Ryan and not that Shane Black gush over the golden age of that Shane Black.  They break down not just one Lethal Weapon, but two!  Well, Lethal Weapon 2.  Although they do talk about the first Lethal Weapon, so 2 and two I guess.  Yeah... I don't know!  I'm gettin too old for this podcast.  As if that wasn't a steamy enough adventure, they also get a good glance at Ray's Win-Stones.  Huh Huh!  They watched Sexy Beast!   Ok, moving on.Marvel, Marvel, Marvel.  You almost had us.  With seconds left on the clock, Loki pulls out a win by announcing a second season!  While this post-credits series extension alleviated Shane's pacing concerns, it fell short of Ryan's hopes for the show and the Marvel television landscape.   Ripples shmipples.  Is Spider-Man almost here??  The boys also talk Rick and Morty, babble about bidets, and discover the elusive legend of Jeffrey Boam.  All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...It's a Marvel packed episode. We delve deep into what, why and how Black Widow should matter to anyone at this point. Also we are pretty sure Task Master is a man, even though he is a she? Floating bases in the sky and all the other nonsense packed in. Plus Shane tells us about how he is colorblind and had a job where he needed to color correct. Makes sense right? Later we chat the penultimate episode of Loki and wonder why Marvel loves having their characters fight storm clouds? Harry Potter vibes, Daniel Radcliff as Wolverine and Maybe and X-Mansion in the distance? So many Easter eggs and un-comfy blankets. Then we wrap up with a strange episode of Rick and Morty, Which is saying a lot for that show.All this and more on long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...Time travel?  Really?  Again??? Why yes!!  Tired of preparing for the future?  Ready to jump headfirst into an insurmountable task with zero knowledge of the challenges or pitfalls?  Then Uncle Sam's great-great-grandson could use your help, in the Tomorrow War.  Pushing past those pesky paradoxes, the boys roll up their sleeves for some good ol' fasioned slobber knockin'.   The bots marvel at the fun times provided by a badass Bob Odenkirk in Nobody.Speaking of Marvel, our robots seemed to have synced cycles when it comes to Loki.  Unfortunately, the fuzzies seem to be cooling from their once warmer state.  Further ambiguity and lack of narrative clarity have our boys pondering Marvel's television landscape.  Can the upcoming Black Widow be the key to refilling the rapidly dissipating faith in the audience's fandom?How many Rick and Morties different are we?  A completely sober wording from Shane begs the question, is "Rick and Morty" so good that you don't even need to follow Rick and Morty Prime to enjoy the show? All this wrapped in Shane's spectrum of special feelings that flow from seething to somber, and end in arousal? All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...Lightning strikes as Ryan finally bestowed a true visual gift unto Shane by way of Bad Trip.  Unfortunately, the moment is soured by the lament of Michael Bay's latest pyrotechnic plot device, 6 Underground.  What lacks in its narrative substance is almost saved by, adrenochrome dream, Ryan Reynolds in a true to stereotype performance.Moving on to their glorious purpose, the boys dig into episode 3 of Loki.  Surprise surprise, Ryan didn't love it.  However, does a spirited case made by his robotic counterpart leave him with a change of heart?  Lucky for our protagonists, they had a little dessert this week by way of the splendiferous return of Rick and Morty.  A vibrant showing of creativity displayed in the season opener has blessed the bots with the warm and fuzzies of the inaugural seasons.While Shane's thoughts seem to elude him throughout, he tries to get to the "bottom" of intimacy.  We also find out he's a bit light in the loafers around the ominous opening melody of The X-Files.  Oh, and Ryan finds the delivery of apocalyptic news via a video monitor to be inconsequential.  Neat!All this and more on Long Walk and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...Theoretical physics, no script, no problem!  Ryan finds "the fun of movie" in Coherence.  Big fan of one location for all your movies?  Great!! The second film of this week won't miss the mark, well, they do, but the parallel doesn't... Free Fire.  That's the second movie.  Moving on.  Time is moving quickly, can you believe it's already the second episode of Loki??   Even more unbelievable, the boys have differing opinions about the show.  Crazy right?  But like a battered female stereotype, Ryan keeps showing up for the abuse.  You don't get it, Marvel is different now.  Look, he said he quit drinking and he's gearing up for that assistant manager job down at the Del Taco.  You know, the one on 3rd.  So yeah, things should be better now, you'll see.Also, Shane finds out he's ugly, politely shits on a child actor, and the Robots find the cure for alcoholism!  All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This Week on Long Walks and Robots...The boys saddle up and head for the inner-city to become a Concrete Cowboy.  Regretful of the journey into mediocre adolescent angst, the Robots yearn for a way to undo the past... wait, what's this lever do?  Saved by The Time Machine, they travel back to the past via the future of film past or.... you get it.  It's time travel.  Did someone say time travel?  A happy thematic coincidence has crossed time steams with the long-awaited arrival of Loki.  A strong opening pilot has Shane feeling all warm in cozy in the arms of Feige once again.  However, a twice scorned Ryan is weary after the first two openings of Marvel's television debut.   Only time will tell... cause it's time travel!Also sprinkled throughout their glorious robotic breakdowns, a taste of Sweet Tooth, Shane's gummy takes him to the fourth dimension, and Ryan reveals what makes him Live Leak. All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This Week on Long Walks and Robots...The boys get the best of both worlds,  brains, and brawn!  They break down the fantastical 80's Val Kilmer classic, Real Genius.  Arnold who?  Matilda Lutz says hold my White Claw, as she becomes the nouveau killing machine seeking revenge... in Revenge.  If you think Val's lack of sideburns is creepy, you should meet the cool guys in Morroco. Also, in the final week before we get that sweet sweet Marvel skeet, our little robots squeeze the last bit of pop culture talk out of the tube before all become irrelevant at the feet of the great Loki.  As if that wasn't enough, Shane tells a tale of mystery and urine, Ryan rejoices at the curtailing of Jupiter's Legacy, and we find out how to actually kill Bill.All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...Look!  Up in the sky?  It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a big gorilla wolf muthaf#&@a!? The boys watch unsupervised teens shank alien wolf spores in Attack the Block!  Also, what would How Stella Got Her Groove Back be like with karate?  According to Ryan, it's the movie The Paper Tigers.  The bots get a dose of 90's era martial arts wrapped in a 2020 package.With two weeks left until our boys are able to suckle at Marvel's teat once again, they offer up more suggestions to tide you over during what seems to be an eternity between FATWS and Loki.  Plus, Ryan takes us back to the land of Dendrotopia, mourns the loss of Charles Entertainment Cheese, and Shane ponders the void of an infinite hand mirror of buttholes.All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...Shane tries to find the heart missing from modern-day cinema by contracting Tin Cup.  Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be music to Ryan's ears.  Also, the movie thread conspiracy grows with the reveal of another appearance of Hiroyuki Sanada.  The boys look to see if Snyder can resurrect his relevance with his Army of the Dead.  If you liked this version, just wait till they release the D'Elia Cut.   As the boys continue to Netflix and chill, they discuss the looming ominous void in contemporary media.  Love, Death, and Robots seems to be the newest victim in the hollow feeling left by present-day storytelling.  Shane is also excited by the news that Ryan has decided to persevere and wade slowly through the remaining episodes of Jupiter's Legacy.  Will his opinion be swayed, we'll find out soon.  Later Ryan displays some perfect pronunciation, adds a couple more actors to the Kevin James zone, and wait... did Shane's edible just kick in??All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...Have no fear!  The white savior is here!  That's right, the boys breakdown Hardball, the classic Keanu Reeves vehicle.  On their way back from memory lane, they also take a pit stop in 2010 to visit the A-Team.  Bradley Cooper and apex Liam Neeson show how to deliver a classic blockbuster throwback.   Then the Robots pop some pills and end up back in the future to experience Synchronic, starring the new cap himself Anthony Mackie.Ryan's fussy defiance of Shane's recommendations has left our tv section a bit stagnant.  Although, with Ryan's will now broken, we will see satisfaction in the week to come.  Jupiter's Legacy, if you can make it past episode one, get to three.  If you can't get past two, get out now.  I think that made sense... right?Also, Ryan declines a camping invitation, Shane shares some fun language lessons, and the boys swap trauma by way of Aladdin memorabilia.  All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...If you thought the updates to Call of Duty were lackluster, you should see Without Remorse.  Lucky for the boys, they also got to revisit the Michael Jai White passion project Black Dynamite.  When ya pop the top, the panties drop!While the boys wait for the Outlaw Johhny Black to finally premiere, they see if Jupiter is worth a legacy.  If the pilot is any indication, it ain't.  They also offer a few new and reiterated binge recommendations while we eagerly await the return of some Disney Plus-ery.The Robots also lament the creativity in ignorance, fear the Dark Phoenix, and wonder where in the world Ryan San Diego is going.All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This week on Long Walks and Robots...Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the Christian on a cameraman.  The boys watch the Norwegian found footage film, Troll Hunter.  They also pay homage to the late great Bob Hoskins on the anniversary of his passing with the cinematic martial arts of Unleashed.   Sweet, sweet is good!With the airing of the last episode of Invincible, the Robots are now fresh out of shows.  However, have no fear, cause they've got some fun recommendations to hold you over until the June premiere of Loki.  Wait a second, Omni-Man is Nolan Grayson??!!Also, Ryan's hacker is back, Shane's a psychic, and Elon Musk stole Jeff Bezos' hair.  All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This Week on Long Walks and Robots...MORTAL KOMBAT!!The boys revisit the 90's iterations of Mortal Kombat as well as the 2021 reboot of the franchise.  While the new MK model displays flawless effects of modern-day cinema, does it lack a certain charm held by the old guard?  I mean, they're definitely missing one thing, Talisa Soto.  Shane, we get it, she's hot. Shane and Ryan also lay weary in the wake of Falcon and the Winter Soldier's finale.  A lackluster wrap-up of a solid series has the Robots a bit nervous for the landscape of Disney Plus' Marvel series future.  A small victory is salvaged however as Shane once again claims the title of "Not-That-Into-It-Stradamous" in his prediction of the Power Broker's identity.  Between 90's nostalgia, Korean war theory, and wizard-like wordplay, this episode seems to have it all!All this and more on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!

This Week on Long Walks and Robots...It appears as though Ryan's dementia is steadily progressing.  Between his strokes and Shane's burps, the show is devolving quickly.  Good thing you don't need many dendrites to tell dick and fart jokes.  As for the movies, we travel back to feudal Japan for some cool hair cuts, tons of exposition, and of course blood and guts with "13 Assassins."  We also finish paying our respects to the late great DMX by discussing the big-budget blockbuster with straight-to-video vibes, Cradle 2 the Grave.  So far in the research, Korean men seem to be leading in the looks department.The boys find episode 5 of Falcon and the Winter Soldier a bit sleepy, especially with the end of the series right around the corner.  Although, what the episode lacks in action, is made up for with some great dramatic moments.  America is looking a bit dickish in the absence of Steve Rogers.The reoccurring actor conspiracy is beginning to approach a fever pitch.  Will Shane finally expose the dark network of Ryan's new world movie order??Find out this week on Long Walks and Robots...Enjoy!!