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93 minutes | Jul 14, 2022
Episode 49 – Oppa Watson Style
I could've sworn there was already an episode titled Oppa Something Style, but apparently this is the first one! János returns to watch and discuss Elementary's season 3 premiere, Enough Nemesis to Go Around. Speaking of, Joan has obtained a nemesis in this episode, named either Ilana, or Elena, or Elana, depending on when in the podcast episode Val is pronouncing it. Join Val and János in taking a moment of silence to imagine a bird on a leash, looking at some of the worst facial hair on Johnny Lee Miller, and advocating for Karen rights. We eat a loooot of cereal as we guess that surely The Elementary Kidz don't solve this one, and surely Joan and Sherlock are broken up forever! Also featured: improvements on the perfect crime, and a very illuminating DVD box cover János found at the library. János (he/they) @corruptversion Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
154 minutes | Jun 20, 2022
Episode 48 – Ms.Communication
Welp, Mycroft is still here, so we had a lot to say this time. Best friend of the show, aka Jo @friendofdashow, joins Val to discuss Season 2 episode 24 of Elementary, The Grand Experiment. Many secrets are revealed in the finale of season 2, including Jo's $60 secret which very well could have destroyed the podcast. We explore absolutely terrible op sec, doubly idiotic double-agents, and how much Mycroft sucks still. Tangents include movie-theater phone horror stories, and the origin stories of the Energizer/Duracell bunny and Joann Fabrics. They're more dramatic than it sounds, trust me. Jo (he/they) @FriendOfDaShow Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
118 minutes | Jun 6, 2022
Episode 47 – Cabal at the Queen and Country Club
It's the penultimate episode of season 2! Exciting! And Mycroft is here. Bummer. This week friend of the show Jo joins Val to dive into the world of spydom and British intrigue. We watched Season 2, Episode 23 of Elementary, Art in the Blood. Sherlock visits a club for gentlemen, which is not a gentlemen's club. Joan and Sherlock investigate why a body at the morgue had its arms stolen, and Jo and Val absolutely roast Mycroft's stupid bangs. Jo (he/they) @friendofdashow Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
127 minutes | Apr 27, 2022
Episode 46 – Hey Yoda!
Genetics. Anesthesiology. Formula 1 drama. Playing 5,000 hours on Runescape and earning no points. These are all things Val learned about this week, from friend of the show Joe "Bulldozer"! We watched season 2, episode 22 of Elementary, Paint It Black. Joan has been kidnapped! Will the rich little Holmes boys save her? Will she save her captor's cousin? What's Val's cousin up to these days? Also, is torture bad? These are all questions we dive into answering this week as we take a trip to everyone's least favorite Ren Faire, Demonic Times. Joe (he/him) @thetallestjew Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
110 minutes | Apr 12, 2022
Episode 45 – Minecraft is Here
Tuesday Again? Miss Hudson! This episode, Val is joined by friend of the show Argyle, of Kamurocho Radio, Pod of Greed, and Wow! Cool Robot Section 4. They watched Season 2 Episode 21 of Elementary, The Man With The Twisted Lip. Sherlock's brother has landed in NYC, with a straight agenda and some suspicious characters near him. It's getting very European in here... We discuss suspicious frenchmen, uovo a sorpresa de bambini, high-tech drones and low-tech CGI, and Pringles Man Heroin, all while remembering to be very respectful of law enforcement. Argyle (he/him) @argyle_funk Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
125 minutes | Mar 28, 2022
Episode 44 – Extendo-Pointer Watch
Returning guest Jo and Val say f**k Jeff and his birds, after watching Season 2 and Episode 20 of Elementary, No Lack of Void. We examine the downsides of eating a bag you found, admire some incredible character names like Apollo Mercer, learn a about Canadian indigenous politics, and ruminate over the nature of ghosts. Val is definitely NOT selling illegal dirt, so don't contact them for the large variety of competitive prices available. Anyway, did you know Sherlock is British? If you didn't, you will definitely know after this episode. Guest host Jo (he/they) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
95 minutes | Mar 1, 2022
Episode 43 – Ska Surgery and These Dang Teeth
Val is aided in Lucy Liuking respectfully at Lucy Liu this week by friend of the show Summer Geist, the artist behind LMNOP's cover art! In an episode that may or may not have been recorded on Halloween (it wasn't), Val explains what the heck Summer just watched, which was of course Season 2 episode 19 of Elementary, The Many Mouths of Aaron Colville. Listen along if you want to learn who Everybody is and what they want from Sherlock, if you're also a fan of Rube Goberb bachibes, or if you're just just looking to crank some ska and skank in the corner with an OR nurse. And make sure you stick it out all the way to the end, for the fun Q&A segment where Summer discusses a huge bug and Val wishes they could go back to a time when they didn't know those existed. Summer (she/they) [@stellarghost] (twitter.com/stellarghost) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
101 minutes | Jan 11, 2022
Episode 42 – Adam Dentist, Who Is Not The Dentist
Val welcomes a new friend of the show Eris on the podcast this week! We watched Season 2, Episode 18 of Elementary, The Hound of the Cancer Cells. It's basically nothing like the original story, but the title sounds good. Eris is also a veteran watcher of Elementary, so she is able to discuss in-depth such topics as: how Sherlock and the gang would feel about NFTs, how they would tweet, and even Shercus (aka Belllock) and how good it is. We also discuss related shows such as Psych, Leverage, and House, while agreeing that Elementary is still the best one. It's nice to have a guest on who is correct! Eris (she/her) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
91 minutes | Dec 27, 2021
Episode 41 – Ears: Two, Ew!
Val is joined this week by fellow Zero to Zero host Sam, host of podcasts such as Kyle X Why? and Juergen It, who may have usurped Sherlock's position as #1 detective in the world while watching this episode. This week we watched Season 2 episode 17 of Elementary, Ears To You. Val and Sam discuss Val's intentions to take over as editor and contributor to the Sherlock fan wiki, commiserate over the terrible customer service provided by the kidnappee help line, and contemplate the himbo-bozo continuum. Don't worry, there are male chickens in this episode, but we would never do something as gross as making dick jokes. Sam (he/him) @posistress Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
95 minutes | Dec 13, 2021
Episode 40 – Richard Balsille
Vague SPOILERS for the movie Mother at 1:28:15. This week, Val is joined by their fellow Zero to Zero host Giga to discuss Season 2 Episode 16, The One Percent Solution. I hope you like dick jokes, because this week Sherlock adopts some former-cockfighting cocks and encounters a guy named Dick Balsille, which sounds like Dick Ball Seal. Val and Giga get a little excitable with the blue wordplay, as Val also learns that the Grand Tetons are a mountain range named after boobs. But! We also discuss things like Themes, and character development, and how much we think Gareth Lestrade seems like he sucks. Giga (they/them) @gigalithic Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
78 minutes | Nov 17, 2021
Episode 39 – Sex Laws and Phone Crimes
Val is joined by Morg, of Digimon Ghost Gays, Sonic Shuffle, Departure Lounge, and the 0079 series of Wow!! Cool Robot!!, to discuss how COOL and STRAIGHT Sherlock Holmes is. He's hetero and has sex with women this episode!!! We watched Elementary Season 2 Episode 15, Corpse de Ballet. It's a bit of wordplay since this episode is about dancers, one of whom is a little spicier than the others (though it is inconclusive if he is spicy enough to hang dong for the lonely housewives of New Jersey). We also meet some guys who just really suck this week. Just some dudes you hate to see. Sherlock's fanboy status threatens to jeopardize the case, or maybe strengthen it, Joan goes on her own B plot detective story, and Bell is there as well. Love me some Bell and Morg confirms that Marcus Bell is, in fact, handsome. Morg (they/them) @Hauntingthemorg Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
105 minutes | Oct 26, 2021
Episode 38 – Martin Luther's 69th Thesis
Nice, that's the weed number! This week, who better to guest on LMNOP, which is a podcast, than János, the podcasting fiend? Val is joined by the host of Who Watches the Watch, Lynchpin, Tintintin-Tin Tin-Tintin, Kvothe Killer Chronicles, The Age of Podz, A Song of Babys and Puppys, and probably some more I forgot to add, János to discuss season 2 episode 14 of Elementary, Dead Clade Walking. János teaches Val German words, which seem to basically just be English words, and discusses how second-wave feminism and nonbinary identity have affected the German language. We also talk about Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Mozart's Marriage of Figaro, the provocative purpose of science, and gay behaviors such as sleeping. Did I mention this episode is about dinosaurs? We are all over the map on this one, folks, it's a good time. Real Elementary fans will notice that Lucy Liu is pretty in this show, and real LMNOP fans will be unsurprised to know Val mentions that fact once again. János (he/they) @janoskapuvari Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
72 minutes | Sep 27, 2021
Episode 37 – Handless Bobby
This week, Val and new friend of the show Argyle, of Kamurocho Radio and Pod of Greed, discuss All in the Family season 2 episode 13, Christmas Day at the Bunkers'. This week, Archie is depressed because he did not get his usual Christmas bonus. How will the family cheer him up? ...Just kidding, this is LMNOP, so we're talking about Elementary! Season 2 episode 13 of Elementary is called All in The Family. We meet a lot of mob guys this week, who are really smart and good at encrypting emails and opening hot dog buns. We also learn a bit about the real demographics unit of the NYPD, which it turns out was horrible and did literally nothing of value, before talking about the fictional demographics unit, which is a lot less horrible but still pretty racist. Bell's new job reveals a headless, handless body, so he brings in Major Case and is starts to slowly reunite with Sherlock, not that he missed him or anything you baka. Sherlock and Marcus have a VERY Shercus moment this episode, on top of the pizza-party sleepover they have at the brownstone. Val forgot to ask for questions this week, so if you would like to ask us about this episode I guess you'll just have to join the discord... Argyle (he/him) @Argyle_Funk Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
95 minutes | Sep 10, 2021
Episode 36 – Concession (Stand)s Have Been Made
The hiatus is over, and we're back! The podcast has changed lineup a little bit, but it is still about simping over Lucy Liu and admiring Johnny Lee Miller's acting abilities. This week, Val and guest Jo discuss season 2 episode 12, The Diabolical Kind. This episode features the evil (or is she?) mastermind of Moriarty, so we're in for lots of twists and twurns as always. It's laundry day, and we have on our best dress shirt and swim trunks on to go on yet another failed True Romantix date. Also discussed are attempts to answer the questions of love and morality, and the ideal way to paint Lucy Liu's mystical fursona. Val would also like to take a moment to apologize to elizabeth leafcrunch for reminding everyone of her knife truck post in this episode, and for bringing it up again now. Guest host Jo (he/they) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
93 minutes | May 5, 2021
Episode 35 – Give That a Taste, Bud
Are you Randy?? Or maybe Gay? Even if you're just a Guy, no matter what your name is you will love this episode of LMNOP! Alec and Val are back, with a short cameo from Balto, who has been up to adorable dog shenanigans since last episode. This week, we watched Season 2 Episode 11 of Elementary, Internal Audit. Discussions are hard-pressed to stay on topic this week as we discuss hubba bubba bubble gum, our experiences with mild internet fame, and what Sherlock might change his name to if he married Joan. Val's best guess is John Watson. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
101 minutes | Apr 5, 2021
Episode 34 – One Bad Slorp and She Do What I Organ
There's a furry friend amogus! Is it a baby? Is it a puppy? No, it's a tigey! Val and Alec welcome a hilarious guest this week, Sara @sunhatzhenya! We discuss Season 2 Episode 10 of Elementary, Tremors. Sherlock is doing some light perjury, but Sara is very honest with us about her anime-watching, her history of having been bonked on the head, and her story of buying and losing a $19 DVD as a child on vacation. Did you know Elementary and Columbo have a lot in common? Sara knew! Intro (and outro!) song by Noah Geist Join our discord!
71 minutes | Mar 24, 2021
Episode 33 – Laerge Lermins
Huggin' on laerge lermins is what you need to make lerminade. That's what Granpappy taught us! This week, Val and Alec watched Season 2, Episode 9 of Elementary, On the Line. This episode we welcome you to Hollywood, then do not talk about Hollywood for the rest of the time. We do discuss Det. Vampire Jerry, who sucks, as well as Lucas Bunsch, a normal guy who says normal and not serial killer-y things. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
79 minutes | Mar 9, 2021
Episode 32 – Walnuts
This week, Val and Alec watched Season 2 Episode 8 of Elementary, Blood is Thicker. What is it thicker than, you might ask? You'll just have to listen in to find out! This episode dives into medicine and animal husbandry as we discuss koalas who are poor, donkey racing, and the dog olympics. And, hopefully you're not already hungry, or our dicussion of moose cheese might just set your borborygmus (aka curmurring) into overdrive. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
86 minutes | Feb 23, 2021
Episode 31 – Horse Divorce
This week, Alec and Val use their gift of foresight (or maybe hindsight) to partially spoil some clues from Season 2 Episode 7, The Marchioness. Sherlock's brother is back! And we get to meet his ex-fiancee... Yes, that ex-fiancee. She went on to marry a Marquis Byell, and she got a divorce horse for her troubles. Time to take one bite of risotto and then spend the whole episode acting awkward about adults doing normal adult things! Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
84 minutes | Feb 16, 2021
Episode 30 – Inedible Arrangements
Val and Alec are celebrating Valentine's week with our favorite non-romantic partners, Joan and Sherlock! This week, we watched Elementary Season 2, Episode 6. We debate over some onscreen disagreements, we list some presidents in correct chronological order, and of course we make puns. Other topics of interest include barkeology, bellends, and designer ski masks. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
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