Listen Now

Rick and Lauren welcome Teresa Dunn back to the podcast. Teresa is Rick's wife and works as licensed professional counselor who specializes in sex therapy and trauma. Teresa works with female survivors of sexual abuse. Teresa discusses whole-person intimacy and how God designed each component of sex; physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Teresa reflects on lies both "purity culture' and "hook-up culture" tell. She posits that our culture's problems with sex do not stem from a high-opinion of sex, but a low one. Rick circles back (with some help from Teresa) to the idea of whole-person intimacy and how relationships must be grown and worked on, while also being informed by scripture. Lauren dives into relationship dynamics, including Rick and Teresa's. Teresa introduces the idea of the "imago wound" and the idea of marriage as a redemptive tool. Rick brings up servanthood and venerability as two key components. Teresa wraps up by noting the importance of marriages consistently evaluating where they are at and taking time to connect. Teresa's counseling services can be found at restorationcounselingassociates.com or by phone at (865)-357-4673. For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

After discussing their rebranding, Rick and Lauren introduce their guest Luke Hochevar before he shares some of his story and his time playing baseball for UT.   Luke goes on to talk about how in his younger years, baseball became his god, and his relationship with Jesus was more about Jesus being his "rabbit's foot" than his God. But, Luke references reading Luke 9 and realizing what it really means to follow Jesus and what the cost is to follow Him.   Luke then spends some time walking listeners through his spiritual journey and what made him turn his life completely over to Jesus. A recurring theme in Luke's story is grace, and how God made Himself known in and through Luke's life because of His grace.   Luke transitions into talking about his injury and his last year of professional baseball in 2016, and his work with Peterson Outdoor Ministries, UPI, and being a chaplain for the Smokies.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org    About Luke Hochevar:   Luke was born and raised in Colorado, and has played for the University of Tennessee as well as the Kansas City Royals and the USA Baseball National Team. Luke and his wife Ashley have three children; Laney, Lucy, and Gus. 

  - What happened to episodes that were recorded but never released?   - How did you get started on this project together?   - How did Rick raise teenagers with a balance of grace and boundaries?   - What activity or hobby makes you come alive?   - What have you learned about yourself since starting this podcast?   - What are the moments where you think "This is what I was made for" in life?   - What did you think you would be doing when you were 20 years old?   - What do I do when I lose my cool?   - What are your favorite ways to take care of yourself when you're stressed?   - How do you engage in social media without being consumed by it?   - When you have a long-term, persistent struggle in a relationship with someone, how do you reframe it?   - Who do you think is the GOAT in basketball and why?   - What are your favorite / least favorite parts of the job?   - How do you navigate inclusivity and diversity in the workplace when someone's lifestyle is contradictory to yours as a Believer?   - Should we boycott time change this year? 

In light of hurt and anger from COVID and the upcoming election, Rick and Lauren start the conversation this week by being honest about all of these feelings and how difficult it can be to have hard relationships right now. Lauren talks some about either removing yourself or muting people on social media in order to keep certain relationships healthy when you disagree strongly with someone. Rick chimes in and says that this can be helpful because it's easy to have a conversation with someone in your head based on what you see on social media, and have anger towards that person based on this not-real conversation. Rick references their previous episode about anger in order to preface the statement that forgiveness is a command in Scripture. Rick uses a great example of what forgiveness should look like from his wife Teresa's life; forgiveness doesn't mean you forget or allow unhealthy relationships back into your life. Rick brings up the woman in John caught in adultery to show that when you're forgiven, that doesn't mean there aren't still consequences for your actions. The conversation then shifts to apologizing and accepting an apology. Lauren brings up that a lot of people respond to an apology with "It's okay" or "You're fine," which is actually not a good response because it can lead people to believe that their actions were fine and acceptable. Lauren also says that responding that way can lead to bitterness if you don't tell people that their actions hurt or upset you. Rick reminds listeners that grace and truth have to come hand in hand, and the command to forgive is not the command to have things go back to exactly the way they were before someone hurt you. For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

Since there's not a wall to mark spiritual maturity like height growth, Rick starts the conversation by sharing that it can be hard to define. But, he says we can indicate growth by knowing (learning the head knowledge about God), being (worship and prayer), and doing (serving, obeying, etc).   Rick gives the example of Campus Crusade attracting people who like doing, Young Life attracting people who like being, and InterVarsity attracting people who like knowing.   Rick beings to reframe this issue by pointing out that our spiritual growth is not about us, it's about Jesus. The point is not to have a checklist, Rick emphasizes, the point is to have a personal relationship with Jesus that is always growing. Rick gives the example of the marriage retreats he and his wife Teresa do to show that knowing, being, and doing are all about spending time with Jesus, not about just adding one more thing to your spiritual to-do list. Rick asserts that there is no timetable or right or wrong way to do this; it's all about building our relationship with God.   The conversation then moves to spending time with people who have different strengths and spiritual gifts than you in order to learn and grow yourself. Rick conveys that loving others well and deepening your Biblical love for others is a huge indication that you are spiritually maturing.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

After giving a description of surge capacity and offering some examples, Rick and Lauren discuss how you have to reframe the moment you're in because your sense of normal has been disrupted and the way you were living your life won't be sufficient in a surge. Lauren adds that if your surge involved a death or adoption or something that affects your way of life, then you can't expect things to go back to normal at some point because you now have a "new normal."   Rick brings up ambiguous loss and how COVID has brought about so much of that. Rick and Lauren then spend time talking about 9/11 and where they were on that day.   Rick moves the conversation to accepting the season of surging, and reminds listeners that we are all going through this together, but it's also natural and healthy to grieve what you've lost through the surge. Lauren affirms that grieving is normal, no matter what you lost, but you also have to learn how to be strong through the surge, and focus on deepening your relationships.   Lauren mentions that learning how to do things or think outside of the box can be extremely helpful during a surge. Rick expresses that sometimes in a surge, you learn a new way to rely on Jesus, or see your need for Him in a different way.   Rick and Lauren both emphasize that reaching out for help to friends, family, or counselors is nothing to be embarrassed about and can be the most healthy thing you could do.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

Lauren and Rick jump straight into the conversation in today's episode, people who you find hard to connect or be patient with. Lauren describes this type of person as someone you wish wasn't in your life, but is, and Rick describes them as someone with a "one-note passion." But, Rick is quick to say that you have to be careful with this topic because it's important to not just cut someone out of your life out of the blue just because you disagree with them.   The conversation then moves into how to not be a hard-to-love person yourself. Rick says it's important to know the rules of engagement in a relationship, and to be humble in all things.   Lauren then asks how do we handle having a coworker, friend, or really anyone in our lives who is hard to love. Rick answers by saying it's not out of place to tell that person that you don't want to talk about a subject because you think it would be bad for your relationship, as long as you do this with love. Rick also says to avoid the mentality of wanting to tear apart their argument with logistics; instead, just listen in love, and give the person grace. Rick also reminds listeners that we all have both light and darkness in us, so it's important to give others grace, but also give grace to ourselves. Finally, Rick emphasizes how important it is to pray before you see that hard-to-love person, that God will love them with His love through you.   Rick uses the example of early in his marriage, when he and his wife were struggling, but God brought him to the Bible passage about loving your wife like Christ loved the church.   To close, Rick and Lauren talk through how gratitude and taking the focus off of yourself can do wonders for a relationship, to think about what God is up to in that person's life instead of being focused on the negatives.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

Is there anyone who likes to fail? That's the question Lauren and Rick begin today's conversation with, as they spend time talking about failure and how it can affect us. Lauren begins by using an example of her daughter doing gymnastics, and how her daughter is not afraid to fall. Lauren says she's more like her older child in that they are afraid to fall or fail.   Rick brings up the fact that Jesus' model of disciple-making was based not on the disciples getting it right all the time, but about them trusting Jesus even when they failed time and time again. Rick also says that our shame from the past or anxiety about messing up can cause us to worry about failing and not see how God can redeem us through our failures. Rick brings up David and Psalm 51.   Lauren and Rick move into talking about shame, and what to do with that feeling. Rick clarifies that when God meets us in our shame, He doesn't just fix everything immediately or make it so we never fail or feel shame again. Instead, God pursues our hearts and redeems us in ways we don't expect.   Rick then spends time sharing why God might allow us to fail, and what lessons or bigger picture issues He's trying to teach us. Rick also conveys that failure is a realistic part of our lives, and we have to learn how to handle it, because our default will either be to feel shame or to blame someone or something else.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

With all of the decisions in the world right now, Rick and Lauren begin the conversation of risk by talking about our perceptions.   Rick then encourages listeners to think about the following things as they evaluate risk: How the anchoring effect plays into your risk perception. How confirmation bias can lead you to believe something is risky even when it's not. Rick gives a very personal example of this and talks about the negative reaction some people have when they find out he's a pastor at a large church, and Lauren shares why she doesn't let her children ride horses as an example of her own. How tribalism can change your mind on an issue, positively or negatively. Rick uses the Pac-12 Conference's decision about football as an example of this. How much research needs to go into a healthy decision in order for that decision to be reasonable and rational.   With all of these things in mind, Rick mentions that reframing risk for yourself requires humility and respect for people who see things differently than you. He references Paul Slovic's thoughts on dread and risk, but also brings up Psalm 139 and Matthew 6 as an encouragement that God is in control no matter what.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

Rick and Lauren are joined this week by Jessica Nelson, an employee at Restoration Counseling and Rick's daughter. After introducing Jessica, the three jump right into the topic of parenting in today's world, especially with the way school looks right now. Jessica talks about the anxiety that parents are facing right now as they figure out what school should and will look like for their children this year. Jessica also clarifies that life didn't stop when the pandemic hit, so along with all the new decisions parents have to make regarding COVID-19, they also have to deal with all the regular anxieties and decisions of every-day life. Jessica spends some time explaining what anxiety can do to your body, and some of the normal signs that a child is experiencing anxiety when they don't know how to vocalize it. She shares that parents connecting with their children and finding new ways to connect with them - Jessica gives an example of physical exercise - can help both the child and the parent feel better. Jessica also mentions how important it is for children to feel safe and confident in their parents, but it's also important to be truthful and vulnerable with your children. Jessica references doing a grounding exercise with your children when they feel especially anxious. The conversation moves to spending time and connecting with your children each day, and Jessica is quick to offer suggestions and different ways parents can check in with their children. Jessica inserts that it's important to find what works for you and your family, don't just follow rules you think you should be following. Lauren then asks Jessica to spend some time talking about setting boundaries for yourself and for your children, especially if you're a working parent and you're working from home at the same time as your children are doing virtual school at home. Jessica mentions trying timers (asking your children for an hour or two to work, then playing with them for thirty minutes), or doing chores together. In the upcoming weeks, Rick and Lauren will be doing a Q&A-style episode, so send any questions you might have for this episode to Lauren at lmorgan@fellowshipknox.org or Rick at rdunn@fellowshipknox.org, or find Lauren or Rick on social media. For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org  Jessica Nelson is currently at Restoration Counseling and is working towards licensure as a professional counselor. She works with children, early adolescents, and parents to help strengthen the family relationship. She lives in Knoxville with her husband and two sons. You can find her on social media here.

After mentioning some recent, previous episodes, Lauren sharing a little about her vacation, and both Rick and Lauren discussing their landscaping desires, the two jump into this week's topic of anger.   Lauren starts the conversation by disclosing that she never felt like she had much anger until later in her adult life. Rick admits that he has seen a lot of anger in people because of COVID and the way the world looks right now.   Lauren moves the conversation into how anger can be a good thing; Rick mentions that the Bible doesn't tell us not to be angry, it just tells us how to deal with that anger like Jesus did. Rick mentions an article he recently read about anger, and how the author compared anger to a volcano. He goes on to talk about how anger can be caused by a blocked goal. Lauren voices that her getting angry at things that really aren't that big of a deal is always a sign to her that there's more going on underneath the surface. Rick also brings up anger within the racial issues going on in the world right now, and how that anger can actually push us forward as a society if used correctly.   Rick repeats that anger can be a good thing, but that we have to learn how to walk with God through our anger. He says that anger can be a doorway that leads us to a deeper walk with God and each other. Both Rick and Lauren assert that hiding anger in intimate relationships can be so detrimental to that relationship. Rick uses his marriage as an example of this, and talks about the times he and his wife Teresa have had to deal with how they both express their anger.   Rick wraps up the episode by recapping and emphasizing some things they talked about in this episode.   In the upcoming weeks, Rick and Lauren will be doing a Q&A-style episode, so send any questions you might have for this episode to Lauren at lmorgan@fellowshipknox.org or Rick at rdunn@fellowshipknox.org, or find Lauren or Rick on social media.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

Rick and Lauren begin their conversation this week by sharing what life looks like for them right now as far as how COVID-19 has affected the normal, routine things that happen around this time of year for them. The conversation then turns to how this time in our lives with the pandemic can lead to feelings of disappointment. Lauren discloses that she has been disappointed several times throughout the pandemic because of things like canceled plans or vacation. Rick agrees that he has been and seen disappointment as well, and talks about a young high school student he knows who plays basketball who wasn't able to play for the state championship because of COVID-19. Lauren voices that everyone has disappointments, and we can't categorize one person's disappointment as bigger or more important than someone else's; everyone has to deal with the loss or grief from their disappointment. Rick then references an article in the Harvard Business Review about disappointment. Rick warns against disappointment taking root in our hearts and affecting us negatively. He says that by allowing this to happen, it can cause us to have unrealistic relationships and expectations, and can even make us unable to see how God is at work in our lives. Rick expresses that it's good to live with our disappointments because they are a window into what our expectations are. Rick then references two different people: Martin Luther King Jr. and Lysa TerKeurst.  Rick compares going through life with disappointments and learning to trust Jesus instead to climbing a tree; you learn that you have to test each branch and quickly find out that none of the smaller branches can hold your weight, only Jesus can hold you. Rick wraps up the episode by sharing a story about Teresa his wife telling him, "The day I realized I was in love with you, I was so disappointed." In the upcoming weeks, Rick and Lauren will be doing a Q&A-style episode, so send any questions you might have for this episode to Lauren at lmorgan@fellowshipknox.org or Rick at rdunn@fellowshipknox.org, or find Lauren or Rick on social media. For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

Lauren jumps in this week by talking about her recent negative test to COVID, but how she and her family self-quarantined for almost three weeks just in case. Lauren shares some of the emotions she and her family went through during those weeks. From that conversation, Rick expresses that he and Lauren just want to have real conversations that feel authentic to the moment they're in, so right now, that means talking a lot about COVID and the things that come up with COVID, like today's topic of decision making.   To start their topic conversation, Rick mentions last week's episode about fatigue. Lauren references Knox County Schools' announcement to let parents decide if they would send their kids to school or opt for online school. Lauren discloses that this was a tough decision for her and her husband Tommy to make because she felt there wasn't really a right or wrong answer.   In thinking about decision-making right now during COVID times, Rick leads listeners to The American Institute of Stress' website for help. He also asserts that God doesn't play hide and seek; He won't abandon us because we made the wrong decision about something. As long as we are seeking wise counsel, considering all factors, and praying for God's guidance, we can be sure that God will be with us, Rick says. Rick also conveys that even when we realize we've made the wrong decision about something, God can still use that wrong decision for good, or redeem the situation.   Even with all of this, Rick says we are still hardwired to default to the familiar, so that will often affect our decision-making abilities. Instead, he shares some ways you can focus on other things and give your brain a rest before making a big decision.   To wrap up, Lauren references doing a Q&A-style episode, and encourages listeners to send in their questions to her at lmorgan@fellowshipknox.org or Rick at rdunn@fellowshipknox.org, or find Lauren or Rick on social media.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

 After catching up, Rick and Lauren begin discussing what fatigue actually is and what a lot of people are feeling right now. Lauren shares that "COVID Fatigue" has been hitting her hard and why she thinks that is. Rick affirms Lauren's feelings and explains that she's not alone in her feelings. They touch on last week's episode about face masks, and how COVID has brought out "Decision Fatigue" as well for some people.   Lauren and Rick then spend time talking about what is "normal thinking" during a time of crisis. Rick brings up some decisions from the Knox County school board and shares a story about dropping his phone in the pool. Rick references a book called The Ostrich Paradox and reiterates that this is a hard season where we need to give people (and ourselves) grace.   So how do you practically handle "COVID Fatigue," Lauren asks. Rick answers that first we have to admit that this is our new normal for now. Second, Rick expresses that we have to rest from this and give it to God, and it's okay if that means grieving before we can truly rest. Lauren chimes in and voices that it's important to focus on what we can do right now, not what we can't do. Rick adds that kindness is extremely important every day, but especially right now.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

Because Lauren has been sick, Lauren and Rick start by sharing that they are recording from different locations this week. With lots of sickness in the world and in our communities, and with a recent uptick in COVID-19 cases in Knoxville (and around the United States), Lauren and Rick use this week's episode to talk about masks.   Rick begins the conversation by explaining that they are not trying to sway people one way or the other when it comes to wearing a mask or not wearing a mask, they just want to take the time to reframe and be honest about the conversation. He mentions something he's heard a lot lately, that people are too tired and stressed to really hear and engage each other well, so we need to start conversations with empathy, Rick says. Lauren adds that these days, because tensions are already so high, it's easy to escalate conversations.   Both Lauren and Rick are quick to point out that we can't just jump to conclusions about people's motivations, especially when it comes to something like wearing or not wearing a mask, because we don't know what that person has been through or what is going on in their heart and mind. Rick uses the example of his friends in Chicago who have had different experiences with COVID-19 than Rick, so their response to things like staying at home and wearing a mask are going to automatically be different than Rick's.   Rick also points out that as Believers, we are commanded to respect and obey the government. So if the government is mandating that you wear a mask, then as a Believer, you need to wear a mask.   The conversation then turns to avoiding judging others who may or may not be wearing a mask. Rick lets listeners know that even at Fellowship Church, the leadership enforces social distancing and highly suggests wearing masks, especially during worship and singing, but they do not police it. Rick expresses that he knows not everyone is going to agree with these policies, but he's had to come to terms with that and realize that he won't be able to make everyone completely happy; he repeats that he can't take this personally, and that we have to be able to be tolerant of one another's opinion and respect each other's decisions. Rick references that we are told in the Bible to love each other well.   Rick closes the episode by quoting from Colossians 3.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

Lauren and Rick jump right into this week's discussion of sports. Rick shares that he's been an AAU basketball coach for a number of years. Lauren discloses that her entire family are huge Cardinals fans, but her husband and Rick are Cubs fans.   Rick goes on to say that sports and loving one particular team can be significant because of what the team or the sport means to a family together, or the memories shared between family members. Lauren agrees, and shares some of her own childhood memories and family experiences revolving around sports in Missouri. Rick mentions another story of walking through an incredibly difficult situation with a family and how he was able to initially connect with them over sports. Rick explains that sometimes it's not even about the game, it's just about connecting and sharing an experience with someone else watching the game with you. Rick mentions a quote from Billy Graham: "A coach will influence more people in a year than most people will in a lifetime." Rick also mentions the book he recently wrote on sports.   Rick moves the conversation to talking about walking kids and their parents through the disappointment of not getting selected in sports, and how parents need to encourage their kids to keep trying or try something different. But he also warns parents to not get too caught up in it all and push their kids too hard.   Rick wraps up the episode by telling a story of going to speak to a division one basketball team and telling the players that if their time right then in sports is the highlight of their lives, then they have lived too small a life.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org 

Chris starts the conversation in this week's episode by sharing about some of the conversations about race and the state of our world that he's been having with people since he was first on Life Reframed. Chris also reveals that it's healthy conversations like he's been having that give him energy and motivation to keep conversing, and have even taught him more about himself.   RD voices some things that have been on his heart and mind lately, particularly about the spiritual warfare that is happening right now in our country. RD also conveys that the conversations he and Chris have been having with people about race are so important and need to continue for a long time to come. Rick joins the discussion and expresses how thankful he is for his diverse group of friends (both racially and in age), and that the Lord has been showing him what a gift that is. He brings up Paul and Timothy's relationship as a way to show how the hand-off between generations should go.   Lauren jumps in by revealing some of the conversations she's been having with people lately about her bi-racial adopted daughter. She also discloses that she's pushing herself to be better at getting out of her normal "bubble" and allowing her daughter to have more experiences and learn more about her heritage.   Lauren then poses the question of how do we keep these conversations and this door open for the foreseeable future so that we can be encouraging change for years to come. RD answers that he's looking beyond his lifetime and trying to do things now that will have ripple effects for a long time to come. He also insists that it's the Holy Spirit who will push this movement on and give us the endurance to keep enacting change; it's not about us, it's all about Him. Chris agrees with RD, and adds that we have to figure out the why of what we're doing so that we can hold onto that during hard times. Rick also adds that it's important to be informed during these times and find resources that educate you so you can have informed conversations with people.   Rick spends some time encouraging listeners who may want to help but don't know how to come alongside the people in their life and just ask the question of "how can I help?" Chris also applauds people who have sought out diversity in their friendships, not for the sake of having a "token" friend, but because God's Kingdom is full of diversity.   RD closes the podcast by expressing that it can be daunting to think about how to change the whole world; instead, we have to think about befriending or making change for one person, because that is how the battle will be won. He voices that we have to be willing to switch the spotlight from us to someone else, and be willing to fade into the background and use the strength we have to boost others up and let God be the one Who shines through us.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org    RD McClenagan, a native of Alabama, is the Pastor of Young Adult Ministry at Fellowship Church. You can find his podcast Off Stage here.   Chris Walker works with Fellowship of Christian Athletes and is originally from Memphis. You can find Chris on Twitter here. 

Marla starts the episode by sharing a little about herself before jumping straight into this week's theme, the Enneagram. Marla shares that she has been studying the Enneagram for ten years, and explains that it has helped her as a therapist and as a wife. However, Marla is quick to say that you are not your Enneagram number; instead, who you are is who you are in Christ.   Lauren joins the conversation by disclosing that she and her family have read The Road Back To You as a way to help understand each other better. Marla then shares a little more about what the Enneagram actually is and how to use it to help you understand your motivations versus your behaviors.   Lauren then reveals that she is a two on the Enneagram list, Rick reveals he is a three wing four, and Marla states that she is a two wing three. Marla then takes time to explain the descriptions of each number. Lauren voices that knowing the different Enneagram number descriptions has helped her better understand people in her life, particularly her husband.   Throughout their discussion of the Enneagram, Marla keeps pointing back to the reality that while the Enneagram (and other personality tests) can help you learn and understand yourself and others better, it's important to remember that these tests are fluid and while you might be one particular number, you could have a little bit of another number in you, or you might see elements of a different number pop up in you based on certain factors like stress.   Lauren and Marla then discuss how it's easy to want to identify someone's number for them, or place someone in a box based on their Enneagram number, but it's important to remember that the Enneagram is for you to figure out your own number and how you can relate to others based on your number, Marla states, not for you to analyze or judge someone based on what number you think they are.   Marla goes on to helpfully explain what a wing is in the Enneagram world before mentioning Ginger Lapid-Bogda and her work with the Enneagram in the business world.   Rick brings up again how helpful the Enneagram can be in a marriage, and uses his own marriage as an example. He also expresses how understanding how you relate to numbers different than yours is a great place to show grace.   Marla wraps up the episode by mentioning a few different books to read if you're interested in digging deeper with the Enneagram, including The Sacred Enneagram, The 9 Types Of Leadership, and The Path Between Us, as well as a podcast by Beatrice Chestnut.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org    About Marla DeLong:   Marla specializes in spiritual, relational, and individual healing and transformation at Restoration Counseling. She and her husband Keith have three children. Find out more about Marla here or check out her Facebook page. 

Rick and Lauren start this week by recapping some things from the last two episodes before jumping into this week's theme of being wrong and how to turn that into a learning experience. Rick emphasizes that there is no condemnation in Christ, and references an Andrew Peterson song about being kind to yourself. He explains the difference between explaining where you're coming from and excusing your behavior.   Rick then uses an example from his own life when he and his wife Teresa were in couple's counseling to show that admitting when you're wrong doesn't just fix everything right away; it takes time and multiple steps to heal wounds. He also shares that taking responsibility for your actions is the first step to finding grace, but it's certainly not the only step.   Likewise, Rick explains why it's important to take people's criticism or confrontation with a grain of salt; he says to sit with it and take it in before deciding how best to respond. Lauren joins in and shares that she is glad when people bring things to her that she has done that have hurt them because she discloses that's how she learns.   Rick spends some time talking about our default features when someone brings something negative to us that we have done. He asserts that it's important to really listen to what the person is saying, not just make an assumption about their feelings. Rick brings up Jay Desko's article about compassion and candor as a tool to help with this.   Rick closes the conversation by specifically speaking to parents about how important (but difficult) it is when your adult children come to you to talk to you about things they see you doing wrong.   For more information on this podcast, visit podcast.fellowshipknox.org