13 minutes | Jul 16, 2019

My Journey | How I gained the 100 pounds and how I found myself desperate to lose it...

Hi, my name is Jessica and I am excited to share with you the journey that I've been on for the last two years. About two years ago, I found myself in a place that I was extremely uncomfortable. I was 100 pounds overweight, and I was in pain, and I was tired. And I was, for lack of a better word, just depressed. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that I wouldn't want to leave my house just so that I wouldn't run into anybody that I knew, and feeling I needed to explain myself. So back up just a little. And my story goes that I battled with infertility, and my body just sort of went against me, my hormones and thyroid and everything else just stopped functioning correctly, I would get pregnant just to miscarry. And every time that I would miscarry, I would gain 10 or 15 pounds. And to move forward, I would focus hard on trying to lose that 10 or 15 pounds without any success whatsoever. So fast forward, and I ended up pregnant with my now, 4-year-old. I was so excited and completely freaked out and uncomfortable because I started a pregnancy 40 pounds overweight. I'm a hairdresser, I stand behind the chair all day and holding up that much extra weight really was taking a toll on my joints and my feet, I was in pain constantly. My pregnancy was a little rough, I spent nine months totally nauseous and tired. But super grateful, because I tried so hard to get pregnant and stay pregnant that I promised that I would just make the most of it and be happy for what I was experiencing. I had him perfect, healthy baby. Amazing. And I jumped right back into what I had been taught my whole life was the health and fitness world. Just to find that nothing that I did, would give me any sort of progress. I chalked it up to all sorts of things, you know, my body's just trying to figure out what's going on. It'll happen later, after my baby's a little older, like all of the things that will just kind of make me okay with where I was at. So as soon as he turned one year old, I just decided that it was time for me to focus on me and to get me back so that I would feel comfortable in my own skin again. And about a week later, I found out I was pregnant...surprise pregnancy with our now two-year-old Duncan. So starting pregnancy with a lot of different emotions, I couldn't help be extremely grateful because of the journey we had been on trying to get pregnant for so long with Dash, our 4 yr old, that I was extremely grateful. And even more, freaked out because now I was 100 pounds overweight starting a pregnancy. The same thing, I was very sick throughout the pregnancy, I was tired, I was trying to keep up with a one-year-old, I was so uncomfortable. It was just one of those times in my life where I felt completely out of control of any situation that I was in. We then had him, healthy baby. Awesome. And I remember looking back at pictures, and they almost made me cry because I was so unhappy and unhealthy and uncomfortable that I wasn't fully living in the moment and I wasn't present for my babies lives. I remember going through the motion of feeling so guilty because I had prayed and begged for these beautiful baby boys that I wasn't making the most of my time with them. Because of my block of where I was at with myself. I would go down this vicious cycle of feeling guilty because their lives were passing by. But I didn't have the energy or the drive to get up and play with them and enjoy them. And I found myself sinking further and further into the darkness of not wanting to be seen. And no matter what. I just couldn't get anywhere.  It's one of the worst things where you know what you're in the darkest place of your life when you're walking through the doctor's door, hoping that they find something wrong with you
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