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This week we talk about the Will Ferrell classic, Elf! Topics include The Shelfless Elf, quote-a-longs, the connection between Citizen Kane and the White Stripes, Elf 2, eating cotton balls, a fear of jacks-in-the-box, Maurice LaMarche’s burps, a Jovie we all know, grumpy children’s authors, and Baby It’s Cold Outside. Editor notes: the independent movie mentioned is Winter Passing (co-starring Zooey Deschanel!) and the blood fraud company we discuss is Theranos.

The Jingle Friends get rustic this week with the Waltons Christmas movie, The Homecoming. See how Barbara Bush wanted us to live! Topics include Fat Cat three-packs, fossilized shit, lecturing a cow, hair stretching, rustic masturbation, bosoms, soda with peanuts, bad hair dye jobs, Try On Dress I Got, incest, and smart, safe autoerotic asphyxiation.