Listen Now

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Over Thanksgiving break, while Alex was home, we spent a day in Chicago and took in the broadway show, ! We had beautiful weather as we took in the city and even got to enjoy watching some of game 7 of 2016 World Series at the Cubs Store! Seeing a show over Christmas time has been a family tradition for about four years now. Then recently we went to see the move, . This is based on the events of when Charles Dickens writing the story, A Christmas Carol, which is my wife's favorite story. Finale Well folks, after three years of podasting, I've decided to hang up my microphone and bring the Intentional Parenting podcast to an end. It has been an enjoyable experience over the years. In this final episode you will hear some last thoughts on being an intentional parent and somewhat of a recap of the more important points covered over the past 100 episodes. Which is another thing in and of itself...100 episodes! So thank you for listening in each time and allowing me to speak into your life on the topic of parenting. Hopefully there is something beneficial that you got out of it and it was a support to you. God bless you in your parenting journey and stay intentional!  

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Hanging out with Alex at Purdue enjoying chili dogs, football and campus. What is an Angry Child? Children who are habitually oppositional and defiant. Low frustration tolerance Throw Tantrums consistently 1. Search your own Heart 2. Aim for their heart - vertical rather than horizontal focus What specifically does my child desire, want, fear, or believe in this moment? What specifically is my child not believing about God's character, actions, promises, and commands, which would speak directly to his frustrated desires or fears? 3. Understand the wider context of your child's anger Modeling Consistency, Simplicity and Dependency Model consistency in practicing what you preach Model consistency in expectations and rules Model consistency in discipline Model simplicity by giving your child simple and clear instructions Model dependency on God by repenting in front of your child when you haven't been consistent or simple Model dependency by reminding your child that she must depend on God to help change her heart an behavior Links: mini-book

Show Notes Anniversary Date: Instead of the "Fun Times with Dad" segment, I talk about the anniversary date my wife and I took to Chicago -- Michigan Avenues, Les Miserables and Wrigleyville! We celebrated 20 years in September. Identity As believers, our identity should be in Christ. As humans, that doesn't always happen. Sometimes, as parents, we put our identity in our kids, because, you know...life. In his book, Parenting, Paul David Tripp shares five indications to know if we are putting our identity in our kids. 5 Indications we Put Identity in our Kids: Too much focus on success Too much concern about reputation Too great a desire for control Too much emphasis on doing rather than being Too much temptation to make it personal For more, please check out Tripp's book, .

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Our mower stopped working the other day shortly after we started mowing. I'm not real handy with such things and figured, given the age of the mower, it was time to pony up and buy a new one. However, it's not the season to buy mowers in the Midwest so I figured I'd wait until the Spring and just try to get by these last weeks of mowing season with the riding mower. I decided to take the mower apart and go through some of the maintenance items per the manual to see if that would help. Nolan and I worked on it for a while cleaning out the carburetor and cleaning the air filter, etc. When we were done, we put it some gas and gave it a try. Low and behold it actually fired up. We jumped around like we just won the NLDS! Postseason 2017 The Cubs are back in the National League Championship Series for the third straight year. They beat the Washington Nationals 3 games to 2 in an amazing series. The Cubs play the LA Dodgers in the NLCS. You're In Big Trouble Mister! When my kids get in trouble, I'm likely to go off on them in a way that is helpful to no one. As parents, we can easily get caught up in putting our identity in the "goodness" of our children. This podcast episode centers on how we ought to respond when our kids get in trouble. Practical Strategies for Change Develop Compassion Start Thinking about How to Show Mercy Involve the Community Invite Your Child Back to Relationship Celebrate Introduce Consequences You may be wondering about some of those items listed there. Well then you better download this episode and check it out so you know what's up! A large part of the content in this episode comes from a booklet by William P. Smith called, When Your Kid's in Trouble: How to Intervene Constructively.

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Nolan and I headed out on a bike ride this weekend to enjoy the warm and sunny weather. Inability "Recognizing what you are unable to do is essential to good parenting." - Paul David Tripp In his book, , Paul Tripp says, "as parents we are powerless to change the hearts of our children." This came from the chapter titled "Inability." Often in our parenting we are demanding, aggressive, threatening, and focused on rules and punishments. We go about parenting with a thought process that we can control our kids. And while we can force temporary behavior adjustments, our methods don't bring about the true heart change we desire to see in our children. Your children need to you exercise authority as the representative of the author of change. - Paul David Tripp Tripp suggests that we use three "power tools" in the way we parent to try and control our kids. Power Tools: Fear Rewards Shame Listen in to this episode as we dive deeper into each of these power tools. Links:

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Nolan and I put together a patio set one weekend. Chores that you can involve your kids in like that are good father/son times. Dealing with Dating Have you thought about how you will handle your kids' dating? Have you thought about what age is appropriate for them to wait to begin dating? I agree with those that believe the purpose of dating is to find a marriage partner. But it can be difficult to instill that idea in our kids. Some will understand the wisdom and see the value in waiting to date, others will not. You can enforce a "no dating" rule but that may result in your kids sneaking around anyway. In this episode I talk about Dennis Rainey's book, Interviewing Your Daughter's Date. If your daughter dates, it make sense to "interview" and have a conversation with the person that wants you to entrust them with your daughter. It's a big deal to allow someone to take your daughter away from you. It's not too much to ask to have a talk with them beforehand. Links

Show Notes Website Changes I'm in the process of changing to a new host, so I decided to make some changes with the websites as well. www.intentionalparenting.net will now be redirected to www.philconrad.com. I will be keeping all content under one roof and removing a website in the process for easier manageability. Letting Go Last Friday we moved our firstborn to college. While this is the right move for Alex and where he is supposed to be, it is no less difficult on the parents. I discuss my thoughts on this move in this podcast episode. Learning to Let Go Some years ago, I wrote a song called and the last stanza was about moving our son to college. And now that moment has come and gone. There he goes moving his stuff into the dorm After this day, we won't see him as much anymore And oh how time flies, seems like I just watched his first ballgame And I softly cry, look at my rear view mirror as we drive away

Show Notes In this episode, I share an interview from Justin Gentry interviewing me for a previous podcast he used to have called "The Life Coaching Show." Justin has since expired that show and currently produces a show called "Leave the Grind Behind." You can learn more about Justin on his website . Justin asks some great questions and we have a conversation that will spark some ideas and thoughts into your mind that will help you on the parenting journey.

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Lately, I've been taking some time in the evenings to fish at the retention pond near our home. Being Intentional In his book, , John Maxwell says, "To be intentional means working with purpose--making every action count." To be intentional, you need to follow these five principles: Have a Purpose Worth Living For Know your Strengths and Weaknesses Prioritize your Responsibilities Learn to Say No Commit Yourself to Long-Term Achievement Different Words Words of Good Intention-- Desire Wish Someday Fantasy Hopefully Passive Occasional Emotion Somebody Should Survival Words of Being Intentional-- Action Purpose Today Strategy Definitely Active Continual Discipline I Will Success Setting short-term goals will help you complete the long-term goals and commitments, even in Parenting! Let us know in the comments section what goals you are pursuing! Links

Show Notes What made this nation? Upon what principles was our country built? These are some of the questions Kirk Cameron had leading to the development of his documentary, "." Through this journey, Kirk takes us to England, Holland, Massachusetts, Texas and Washington, D. C to find the answers. Forefathers It started with the Pilgrims coming to America for the glory of God and advancement of the Christian Faith (Mayflower Compact). But long before they came to America, they struggled for the freedom to study the Bible! I've seen a lot of neat monuments, but one I didn't even know existed until seeing the documentary is the . This is a "roadmap," if you will, of the characteristics necessary to serve as the foundation for a nation. In this monument is included the principles of Faith, Character and Morality, Civil authority, Justice, Mercy, Education, and Wisdom all leading to Liberty. Founding Fathers Coming 150 years after the Forefathers, were the Founding Fathers. The question at this point is, would the founding fathers continue to follow the strategy of the fore fathers? John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton and other signers of the Declaration of Independence and Constitution funding the printing of family Bibles around the year 1798. Congress printed the first Bible in English. They knew that was the character that would make America thrive. Even if they were not personal genuine followers, they knew the Christian values were needed. “If you’re going to have a civil government that has justice and law it has to be based upon a moral foundation that’s based on the church.” - Herb Titus When Christ is ignored – a nation will self-destruct. We live in God’s world. Our foundation must be God’s word. Links:

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: We had a fun day watching the kids' all swim well at the Swim League Championship Meet. Alex swam three individual races (50 yd Freestyle, 100 yd Freestyle, 100 yd Breaststroke) and got a PR in each race. He won the Breaststroke race for his first individual race win at the Championship Meet. Tough Mudder Alex and I ran the together on 6/4/17 in Kentucky. I mention in this episode that I last ran one in 2003 but I misspoke as it was actually 2013 (four years ago). Alex and I sit down to talk about our experience in the event and recollect all of the fun obstacles we got to do. We put together a video from some of the pictures and video Heather was able to capture for us: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfomMx2Do3Y

Show Notes Fun Time with Dad: One of the highlights on our vacation was spending a day at Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure theme park. I shared a . The Amazing Spiderman ride was probably my favorite. The kids had great time! The Vanishing American Adult A friend of mine recently sent me an essay by Ben Sasse, a Nebraska Senator, called "How to Raise an American Adult." This is adapted from his new book . Many "non-kids" now days are drifting toward perpetual adolescence rather than becoming an adult. They describe adult activities as "adulting", acting as if being grown-up is like a kind of role playing. The intentional parent will raise kids to become productive adults, not big kids. 5 Ways to Raise Your Children to become Adults Resist Consumption Embrace the Pain of Work Connect Across Generations Travel Meaningfully Become Truly Literate Each of these are addressed in this podcast episode. As you listen jot down or think of ways you can implement some of these in the raising of your children.

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: I don't really have a "fun" time that I am sharing in this episode, but rather a story of our leaving one of our children at church on Mother's Day. It was an accident and there's a really good explanation! Class of 2017 Our firstborn child graduated from High School this past Saturday (5/13/17). In this episode, I talk about our experience of Alex's graduation weekend. He will be starting his studies at Purdue University in the coming fall as he's been accepted into the Krannert School of Business. Learning to Let Go About thirteen years ago, I wrote a song called "Learning to Let Go" that talks about the challenge we have as parents of releasing our children into God's care. This, of course, happens in many stages through their life as they learn to walk, start kindergarten, learn to drive and head off to college. It's a little surreal to me to be at that last stage that I wrote about in the song many years ago. As our kids graduate and move on, we hope we have instilled in them the Biblical principles that will serve as a solid foundation in life. I share in this episode about the comparisons in the following Scripture passages: My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching. Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you. ~ Proverbs 6:20-22 ~ And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. ~ Deuteronomy 6:6-9 ~ I like how the passage in Deuteronomy, instruction to parents, parallels the instruction to the son (or children) in the Proverbs passage. Stay the course, parents! Teach them diligently!

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Nolan and I took in a Purdue/Illinois baseball game on a chilly April evening. Purdue ended up winning 4-2 and Nolan never did get a foul ball but we had a great time enjoying some baseball! Bring Them Up In his book, , Wayne Mack discusses a key verse found in Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Among the points he talks about with this verse, he calls out the phrase "bring them up" as of particular significance. He notes, "In the Greek text the verb translated 'bring up' is in the active voice, imperative mood and present tense." I'm no English major but I think it means it is imperative that we are present and active in the raising of our children. So the question may be, what do we need to bring our children up to? The study question portion of this chapters lists 20+ verses and asks the reader to look up the character traits that God wants our children to have. I came up with the following traits: Obedient (Eph. 6:1) Respectful of Authority (Eph. 6:2) Loving of others (1 John 4:7) Selfless, esteeming others (Phil. 2:4) Love God with all heart, soul, mind (Matt. 22:37) Generous (Acts 20:35) Truthful (Eph 4:25, Prov. 12:22) Regard what is honorable (2 Cor. 8:21) Faithful (Hebrews 11:6) Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) Wisdom (Luke 2:52) Seek wise counsel (Prov. 1:5) Receptive to Instruction (Prov. 23:12) Growing Spiritually (1 Samuel 2:26) Not wrathful (Eph. 4:26-27) Kind (Eph. 4:32) Diligent (Prov 12:24; 13:4) Good words (Prov. 13:3) Humble (Prov. 16:5; 17:19; 18:12) Friendly (Prov. 17:17) Slow to anger (Prov. 16:32) This may not even be an exhaustive list but if your child developed these character traits, they would turn out pretty well. Where Do I Start? Pick one or two of these traits and talk with your spouse about how to approach it with each of your children. You may want to work on different things with different kids. One thing it will take is consistency, speaking truth and patience.

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: We went to a dinner where Alex was presented with the Ronald Reagan Student Leadership Award. It's a proud moment for a parent when you see your child get recognized. State Senator, Brandt Hershman, presented the award. Both my parents and Heather's parents were able to attend as well, which made it extra special. Why Go To a Marriage Conference There are many reasons to go to a marriage conference. In this episode, I will share four reasons with you. Allows you to reconnect Allows you to focus on your most important relationship (outside of your relationship with Christ) Provides uninterrupted time for conversation Provides a good example for the kids One of the "big ideas" they shared at the conference is that every marriage is moving toward oneness or moving toward isolation. It becomes evident that as we draw closer to Christ, we are moving toward oneness. But if we don't handle conflict well, if we don't communicate well, if we don't handle difficult circumstances well, we can begin to feel isolated from one another. Marriage conferences aren't just for those marriages that are on the brink of separation. Though there are couples that attend such conferences in hopes of saving their marriage, marriage conferences are great for strengthening an already strong marriage. The Weekend to Remember conference provided some special moments for Heather and I that I will remember for a long time. I highly recommend it.

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Emma, Nolan and I went to see one of their friends perform his role as the Scarecrow in his school's production of the Wizard of Oz. Many "experts" have written books over the years claiming to have the best method of parenting. In his book, Parenting is More Than a Formula, Jim Newheiser explains some of the more popular of these books. While they are well meaning, and helpful to an extent, they all ultimately fall short because there is no perfect formula. Each child is different in personality, the discipline they respond to and what motivates them. While a formula may work for one or two or all of your kids, one formula will not work for every kid in every family. In this episode, we take a look at these thoughts from Mr. Newheiser's book and focus on three duties we have as parents. Three Parental Duties We are called to establish righteous standards in the home and to discipline the children when the standards are violated - Prov 23:13-14; 29:17 Understand that not all rebellion is the responsibility of parents Remember that both parents and children desperately need God's grace Links: (episode 082) - Jim Newheiser

Show Notes Fun Times for Dad: Experiencing Cubs Spring Training with the G6. We had an epic trip to Arizona taking in a round of golf, a hike up Pinnacle Peak and Cubs baseball! I was also reminded that I love warm weather. :) Point of Significance Have you ever wondered what is significant about what you do and how you spend your time? Do you ever think about your purpose? I do. I put pen to paper and thought through the activities I'm involved in and how it all fits into the bigger picture. In this episode, I will share with you the Point of Significance model I put together. I walk through how each of these six responsibilities fit into my life and my ultimate goal of glorifying God. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. - Deuteronomy 6:5 The Six Responsibilities are: Husband (Spousal Ministry) Father (Parental Ministry) Outreach Ministry Serving Ministry Hobby Ministry Work (Occupation) Your days and weeks are spent with greater purpose if you consider what you are ultimately trying to accomplish with each of your responsibilities.

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Purdue/Indiana basketball rivalry and shamrock shakes! Parenting toddlers is challenging but we need to be consistent and firm during these years. Your "no" should mean "no". It should not mean to ask until I say "yes". This episode focuses on the danger of child-centered parenting and goes through the example of Cain. Child-Centered Parenting: Leads to the Parents' Shame (Proverbs 29:15) Feeds Self-Destructive Lifestyles (1 Samuel 2:29 Is an Abdication of God-given Authority and Responsibility (1 Kings 1:5) Neglect of discipline is among the worst forms of child abuse. - Jim Newheiser What we learn from Cain's Disobedience 1. Cain's tantrum led him to become a slave to sin, to commit murder, and lie to God. (Genesis 4:2-9) 2. Cain is not credited with faith or righteousness since he did not regard God's commands as authoritative. (Hebrews 11:4) 3. Cain so despised God's ways that he sought to destroy anyone who reminded him of God's righteous standards, including his own brother. (1 John 3:12) 4. The core of Cain's problem was his ungodliness. (Jude 4, 8, 12, 11, 18) God's most basic command to children is to honor and obey their parents. When we fail to train our children to obey God -- by obeying their parents -- we prepare them to live lives of self-centered rebellion, and we are guilty of raising Cains. Links (podcast) (podcast)

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Taking Emma to see the murder mystery, The Mousetrap by Agatha Christie, on a Daddy/Daughter Date. What School Should We Send Our Kids To? There are many options when it comes to schooling your children. It can be difficult to decide what to do and each situation is different. From public school to Christian school to private school to home school, each option has pros and cons. There is no shortage of opinions out there telling you what you should do. In this podcast episode, I will not tell you what to do but give you guidance in how to decide. Each family has to make that decision based on their own circumstances, input from trusted family and friends and direction from the Lord. Scripture Fortunately, God gave us His word to help in all things including making the decisions about school. I reference the following verses in this podcast episode: You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. ~ Deuteronomy 6:7 (emphasis in bold is mine) Also see Proverbs 1:8; 2:1-2; 3:1; 4:1-2 Resources by Jim Newheiser

Show Notes Fun Times with Dad: Taking Nolan to the Pacers/Pelicans game, his first NBA game. I would yell at our kids on occasion. It seemed like I did more when they were young than I do now. I think it has changed because they have gotten older but more because I have matured. It's not something I'm proud of but I thought through some of the reasons I would yell at the kids and I share those in this episode. Reasons we Yell: Express anger Demonstrate authority Prove a point Get attention As a measure of discipline Because we're tired Lack of patience Lack of control of our emotions Effect of Yelling: Creates chaos Breaks down relationships Often unproductive May help get something done but not getting something resolved Stirs up anger A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. ~ Proverbs 15:1