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IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective
23 minutes | 4 days ago
Myths and Truths About Procrastinating Teens
Procrastination is a natural human habit and tendency, but you don't have to be its slave. 5 Myths About Procrastinating TeensMyth #1 My Teen is Lazy. Myth #2 Procrastination is a Character FlawMyth #3 Procrastination Will Ruin My Teen's Life Myth #4 My Teen will ALWAYS Be a ProcrastinatorMyth #5 Procrastination is a HUGE Problem5 Truths About Procrastinating TeensTruth #1 Procrastination is Part of Being HumanTruth #2 Your Teen Can Learn How to Stop ProcrastinatingTruth #3 Your Teen Can Procrastinate and Still Be SuccessfulTruth #4 There Could be Countless Reasons Why Your Teen ProcrastinatesTruth #5 Procrastination is Simply a Coping Tool, Often with BenefitsWhat Your Teen Will Learn in this Masterclass!How to separate facts from thoughtsThoughts like "I'm not smart enough," or "I can't do this" will hold you back in your efforts. Facts like "Test on Thursday," are manageable when we are in control of our thoughts. Managing emotionsIt's okay to feel overwhelmed and bored when you understand how to process them. Emotions are less unpleasant when we manage them. Our emotions don't manage us when we manage them. How to create homework protocolsCreate a simple plan for the time between school and bed. This plan will empower you to both get things done and do the things you want. This will empower you for doing hard things as an adult. How to motivate yourselfNo one can motivate you but YOU!What you choose to think and believe will create your motivation or lack of motivation. What to do when you've fallen off the wagonToo many times when we fall off the wagon, we choose to give up. There are ways to use past mistakes to empower you. It's never too late to get back in the driver's seat. Call to ACTION!Join Joey Mascio and me on a Lead Your Life Masterclass Q&A call.Lead Your Life Masterclass Info
51 minutes | 11 days ago
Interview with Real Life Dad: Louis
"External events should not affect how you feel." ~ Louis Wheel of LifeThis is a visual concept that I teach to help parents and teens understand that life is 50/50. It's 50% pleasant and 50% unpleasant. This is normal. Nothing has gone wrong.When things are going great in our lives, we are on the top of the wheel. When things kind of suck, or things aren't going how we want them to, we are on the bottom of the wheel. Sometimes, when we are on the top of the wheel, we forget to enjoy where we are in life's journey, and we forget that being on the top isn't going to last forever. This leads us to think that something has gone wrong when we find ourselves on the bottom of the wheel. When we are on the top of the wheel is the best time to prepare for the inevitable times that are coming when we will be on the bottom of the wheel. When we practice when we are on the top of the wheel, when things are going well, we can prepare for the future struggles. This is an opportunity to be intentional about who we are and how we want to live. This way, when things get tough, we are prepared to be who we want to be. Be Intentional with The ModelWith the model and some self-coaching, you can be intentional with how you parent. You can understand the emotions that are driving your actions and creating your results. You can explore the thoughts and beliefs that create those feelings and start being intentional around your thinking. We have 60,000 thoughts per day. You can't control all of them, but controlling a few of your thoughts will have a huge impact on the rest of your thoughts. When you find evidence of how you teen is doing their best, how you feel towards them will change, which will change how you act. Your brain is trying to do two things, find what you're looking for and prove you right. If you believe that there is something wrong with your teen, of if you believe you're a bad parent, your brain is going to constantly look for evidence to prove your thoughts. It's easy to be intentional for a couple of days, but eventually you will revert back to who are are, unless you make this a daily practice. Defining Your Role as a ParentIt's easy to not be intentional about your role as a parent. Often times you can get caught up in the day to day activities and never really get clear on your role as a parent. When you don't define your role, parenting will be more difficult. Chose your role for you! You get to determine how you want to parent. You can't control your children, but you can double down on your efforts to control yourself.If you focus on your model you will be empowered. If you focus on your teen's model, you we be the victim. Call to ACTION!Do you have a teenager who wants to do better not procrastinating? Join me and my fellow life coach Joey Mascio on a Q & A Call for the Lead Your Life Masterclass. Click the link below!Lead Your Life Masterclass Info
31 minutes | 18 days ago
Joey Mascio - Teen Life Coach
Why do Teens Procrastinate?First of all, procrastination is just part of being a human. It's part of what we do to conserve energy and keep ourselves safe. A lot of the teens that I work with have the habit of procrastinating in an attempt to avoid feeling an unpleasant emotion like boredom or overwhelm. Often times when we've procrastinated, the result is more of what we were avoiding in the first place. I have one client who procrastinates her school work because she feels overwhelmed. The result of her procrastination is that she falls even further behind, which leads to even more overwhelm. What Your Teen Will Learn in this Masterclass!How to separate facts from thoughtsThoughts like "I'm not smart enough," or "I can't do this" will hold you back in your efforts. Facts like "Test on Thursday," are manageable when we are in control of our thoughts. Managing emotionsIt's okay to feel overwhelmed and bored when you understand how to process them. Emotions are less unpleasant when we manage them. Our emotions don't manage us when we manage them. How to create homework protocolsCreate a simple plan for the time between school and bed. This plan will empower you to both get things done and do the things you want. This will empower you for doing hard things as an adult. How to motivate yourselfNo one can motivate you but YOU!What you choose to think and believe will create your motivation or lack of motivation. What to do when you've fallen off the wagonToo many times when we fall off the wagon, we choose to give up. There are ways to use past mistakes to empower you. It's never too late to get back in the driver's seat. Call to ACTION!Join Joey Mascio and me on a Lead Your Life Masterclass Q/A call.Lead Your Life Masterclass Info
29 minutes | 25 days ago
How to Use the Honeymoon Phase
What is the Honeymoon Phase?This podcast is in response to a question that I recently got from one of our podcast listeners. So, Gosia, this podcast is for you. Back when my wife and I hosted a podcast about foster parenting we had an episode all about using the honeymoon phase as a foster parent. One thing that we had noticed as foster parents was that a lot of foster parents would discredit and discount the positive behaviors of their foster kids, and say things like, "They're just on their best behavior right now," or "It's just the honeymoon phase. It won't last."This mentality does not help you as a parent. It actually limits you as a parent, and it keeps you from taking advantage of one of the most powerful phases in your teen's life!The honeymoon phase is simply a period of change in your teen's life, and often in their relationship with you when they are trying their best. The honeymoon phase is often short-lived and seen as "not their true behavior." Think of a honeymoon with a young newlywed couple. They are both on their best behavior. They are both trying to impress the other person. They are both treating the other person with more love and compassion than they might down the road. As foster parents we would often experience the honey moon phase with new foster kids, kids who were returning to our home from a court mandated stay at a detention center, or with kids, even our own kids, recently after they have gotten in trouble. The honeymoon phase is actually a powerful time when your teen is doing their best!Why do Parents Hate the Honeymoon Phase?Lots of times parents think that their teenager is simply trying to manipulate them by exhibiting the behavior that the teen thinks that their parent wants to see. I've heard parents say, "This isn't the real them", or "This won't last."Because of this mentality, many times parents end up being upset at their teens for doing exactly what they wanted their teen to do in the first place. As mentioned in the Arbinger Institute book, Leadership and Self-Deception, this is am example of "being in the box."The Honeymoon Phase is Actually AMAZING!The truth is, the honeymoon phase is AWESOME! Think about it . . . . . . Your teen is doing their best. . . . . . They are trying to change and be better. . . . . . They are on their best behavior. The honeymoon phase is something that should be recognized, appreciated, and celebrated. Easy Tips to Use The Honeymoon PhaseJoin In On the Honeymoon PhaseGet excited with them. Match their level of effort. Be on your best behavior too!Appreciate and Celebrate Their EffortUnderstand that it's hard to change.They are making a huge effort. Be grateful for their willingness and desire to change. Promote Growth and Set GoalsDuring the honeymoon phase, push yourself and your teen!Set some goals for yourself as a parent. Help your teen identify and set some goals.Focus on developing new skills.Reward and Reinforce Desired BehaviorsCompliment your teen on their efforts. Show them that you notice. Do something special for them. Behaviours that get rewarded get repeated. Focus on Building a Rock Solid RelationshipThis one is HUGE! Focus on connecting with your teen where they are.Practice compassion, patience, curiosity. Call to ACTION!Get on the waitlist to join the Lead Your Life Masterclass- click the button below.Join the Waitlist for Lead Your Life
24 minutes | a month ago
Intention After Awareness Part 2
Awareness Changes EVERYTHING!Last week we talked about the power of awareness and how to develop the skill of awareness. I believe that awareness should come before we try to make changes. Many times, once we've increased our awareness, things change without us even trying to bring about change. Intentionality is the Next Step.It's powerful to be aware of what's truly going on in your life. Far too often, we realize that things are not going how we would like them to, and we jump straight into trying to change things. Now that we've developed some awareness, we can start to identify things that we would like to change. From last week's exercise of developing awareness around your thoughts, feelings, and unintentional models, you now have a greater awareness of what is really going on. Now being intentional is the next step.Now that you've identified your unintentional thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, you can start becoming intentional with your model. Intention Impacts Who We AreLast week we talked about how simply changing the action doesn't create lasting change and how it's so important to develop awareness before trying to make changes. Most of the time, after temporarily changing our actions, we go right back to being who we used to be. Last week we used the example weight loss. Usually, people don't take the time to understand exactly what is going on or developing an awareness of what's going wrong. Instead, they jump right into a new diet or exercise program. They might experience temporary results, but without awareness, the real issue usually takes over again.You go right back to being who you were before because your identity never changed. Now that we have have the awareness, rather than simply changing what we do, we want to intentionally change who we are!Someone who is extremely physically fit isn't that way simply because they exercise regularly or because they eat healthily. Instead, they exercise regularly and eat healthy because they ARE someone who is physically fit. Simple Steps to Develop Intention and Identity#1 Do Daily Thought Downloads#2 Explore Who You Want to Be and How They'd Think #3 Explore Who You Want to Be and How They'd Feel#4 Do Unintentional and Intentional Models to Create Your Results#5 Be Intentional and Patient Give it some time. Be willing to practice, and practice, and practice. Continue gaining awareness, start making decisions intentionally, and practice living in alignment with your intentional model. This is changing who you are as a parent and how you show up in the world. This will take practice and time.Call to ACTION!Join Firmly Founded Parent, our monthly membership helping parents become the parents that their teens love and respect.Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are. FREE Consultation With Me!
24 minutes | a month ago
Awareness Before Intention Part 1
Awareness Changes EVERYTHING!Have you ever heard the saying, "You don't know what you don't know"?This is true in our own lives. We don't know what we don't know. Often times we simply know that we want a change, but we lack the awareness to really understand exactly what it is that we want to change. Often times we think we can simply change our actions and gets the change that we are looking for.Simply changing the action is rarely enough to create the change that we want. Increasing awareness also creates the Observer Effect in our lives. In science, this refers to how the act of observing something can change the outcome. Many times in our lives, we don't actually have to actively make changes. Instead, we can increase our awareness, which is often enough to bring about the change that we are hoping for. Awareness Is Hard and Often UncomfortableAwareness seems like it'd be super easy, right?Unfortunately, it's harder than most people realize. It takes effort, willingness to explore and be vulnerable, and willingness to experience some discomfort.It's hard because it challenges our individual identity. It compares who we think we are, who we want to be, and who we really are. Most of us want to skip awareness and dive into the work of changing things. Simple Steps to Develop Awareness#1 Do Daily Thought Downloads#2 Explore the Thoughts without Judgement and with Compassion#3 Explore the Feelings without Judgement and with Compassion#4 Do an Unintentional Model to Be Aware of Your Results#5 Sit with the AwarenessYou don't know what you don't know. The more you know the more you know. The more awareness you develop, the more you control you will develop.Simply being aware will change some things. Be aware of that, and give yourself some space to just allow what you find. Call to ACTION!Join Firmly Founded Parent, our monthly membership helping parents become the parents that their teens love and respect.Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are. FREE Consultation With Me!
12 minutes | 2 months ago
You Find What You Look For
Your Brain is Like GoogleYour brain is seriously like Google. It will find whatever you are looking for, and in record time, along with tons of supporting evidence. Dads might notice their favorite car on the road or a trophy buck up a mountainside.Moms might notice a particularly good deal on a favorite purchase or always know where their kids' shoes are. The brain is constantly searching for what we want to find. I love seeing bald eagles while I'm out. When I'm in the mountains or driving by lakes, I'm always on the look out for bald eagles. As a result of this, I am always the first to see them and point them out to everybody else. Your Brain is Constantly Trying to Prove You Right.Not only is your brain looking for what you want to find, but it is also constantly trying to prove you right. It's constantly trying to support your thoughts and beliefs. This is called confirmation bias. It's part of being human. If you believe the world is a bad place full of violence and evil, you will constantly find evidence to support that. If you believe that you are not good enough as a parent, your brain will find evidence proving you right. If you believe that your teen is lazy, you'll see everything through a lense that supports that. If you think your teen is ruining their life, or that they don't care about anyone other than themselves, or that they are the enemy, your brain will change how you perceive your teen, how you think about them, and how you feel towards them. Often times we have subconscious thoughts and beliefs that we aren't even aware of, and still, our brain is working to make them true and our reality. What are You Looking For & What Results are You Getting?A while back, I was frustrated with my teenage son. I was complaining that he was self-centered and didn't care about anyone but himself, and I had tons of evidence to prove this. I told my wife about some of the things that I had noticed. She asked, "Why are you focusing on all the negative things about our son?"I was a little hurt that she wasn't on my side, but I realized she was totally right. I committed to finding the positive instead of the negative.Almost instantly my perception changed and I saw so many things that he was doing that were kind, thoughtful, and selfless.I was moving my BBQ grill into my garage so I could cook out of the wind. My teenage son, who was jumping on the tramp with friends, saw me lifting the grill with a friend and jumped off to help saying, "Dad, I'll do that. I don't want you to hurt your back!" All of a sudden my brain was flooded with evidence that my son was kind, caring, and thoughtful. What to do about it?Increase your awareness. Understand what you are looking for. Question why you are looking for the negative. Explore the results that you are getting and whether or not you like your results. As you develop awareness about your mind (your thoughts, beliefs, and biases) you will begin to see where your focus on the negative has blinded you to the positive. With increased awareness, you will be able to be more intentional about what you look for and what you believe. Rather that focusing on the negative, and searching for supporting evidence, you will find yourself searching for the positive and all the supporting evidence. You'll begin to understand how your perception is connected to your results through your feelings and actions. Call to ACTION!Join Firmly Founded Parent, our monthly membership helping parents be parents that their teens love and respect.FREE Consultation
20 minutes | 2 months ago
YOUR Thoughts and Beliefs Impact Your Teens!
Teenagers inadvertently adopt our mindsets and beliefs! "Calm is contagious [ . . .] You can supplant any word you want for 'calm' — chaos is contagious, panic is contagious, stupid 100% is contagious, [ . . ] "So we like 'calm' because it lets you keep your head, it keeps you focused on the mission at hand."~ Former Navy SEAL Commander, Rorke DenverHuman Beings are Herd AnimalsWe like to be part of a herd or a tribe. Similar to animals, we mirror the behavior of others. We adopt many of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of those around us. Jim Rohn said, “You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with.” Not only are you influenced by the people closest to you, but you are influenced by your society, your community, your family, anybody that you spend time with. We can't help it. It's a survival and defense mechanism. We try to fit in with those around us. Teens' Models Their Parents' ModelsTeens subconsciously are trying to become like their parents. Sure, they are trying to grow up, be unique, and become themselves, but everything they do is processed through their brain which has been highly influenced by you.Most people adopt the beliefs and values of their parents. You can see this in politics, religion, and even sports fandom.This isn't bad. It's not brainwashing; it's simply how we are designed as human beings. What you think and believe, your teen will likely think and believe. How you feel, your teen will likely adopt. How you act and what you do, your teen will probably mirror. This is why it's so important that we as parents become aware of our own models. My teen's struggling with ___________, what should I do?"My teen's struggling with . . . "Confidence,Anxiety,Motivation,You fill in the blank.Parents all over the country, world really, want to help their teens. They want to change their teens. They want to help them be different.But their focus is usually in the wrong place. Parents usually focus on their teen, on changing their teen. But this means that their focus is on something outside of their control. When you focus on your teen, and your try to fix your teen, you only push them away. Instead, bring the focus inward onto you. What can you do? How can you be the change that you want to see? Understand and observe your own personal models. Develop your own awareness, and then, develop intentionality.Call to ACTION!Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are. FREE Consultation With Me!
21 minutes | 2 months ago
Blame, Shame and Excuses
What is blaming?First of all, blaming is part of being human! As far as I know, EVERYONE blames sometimes. It's important to talk about blame because many times we do this without realizing that we are doing it. Blaming is simply giving responsibility for something that we think has gone wrong, to someone or something else. We live in a day and age when blaming is the norm, and it is 100% acceptable. Why do we blame?The main reason that we blame others is to avoid feeling certain thoughts and/or emotions.Our brains are really good at believing what we tell them to believe. When we can blame someone else, we feel and emotional sense of relief. We use blame as a defense against feeling unwanted emotions such as shame and embarrassment. Blaming turns you into the victim. When we blame others, we shift our focus to something, often someone, that is out of our control. This turns us into a victim. Now, in our minds, we are at the mercy of the person or thing that we are blaming. Rather than having the power to change our circumstances, we try to depend on others to change. So Now What?#1 Increase your awareness around blamingMany of us blame others and make excuses without even thinking about it. It is a habit and part of who we are. The first step is to become aware of when you are blaming or making excuses. By doing this, you can also gain some awareness of the emotions that you are trying to avoid by blaming.For me it is almost always, if not always, shame that I try to avoid. By blaming others, I try to shift the burden of shame to them. #2 Identify what you can control and take responsibility for that. Usually when we blame, we try to shift our focus from something within our control to something outside of our control.I invite you to get curious and find what is within your control and take responsibility for that. Doesn't matter how good or true the excuse is, or how real the blame is, take responsibility for what you CAN control. This puts you in a position of power. #3 Practice, practice, practiceIf you're like most people, this is going to be a shift for you, and it will take time and practice. Practice awareness. Much of this will take place in the thought line of the mode. Some will take place in the feeling line. Practice experiencing the emotion that you are trying to avoid. This will take place in the feeling line. Practice the habit of taking responsibility. Call to ACTION!Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are. FREE Consultation With Me!
24 minutes | 2 months ago
Manipulation, People-Pleasing, and Manuals
What is Manipulation?Trying to change or control other peoples' actions, feelings, and/or thoughts according to our own desires. Often times we manipulate our teens by trying to get them to feel negative emotions, like shame, guilt, or sadness. Manipulation is a human skill that can be used for good and for bad. What is People-Pleasing?People-Pleasing is when we do something that we do not want to do in an effort to please someone else. People-Pleasing is socially acceptable manipulation. We we do it, we are trying to manipulate how the other person thinks and feels. It is lying, and it is typically a one sided sacrifice.Often times, as parents, we are guilty of trying to manipulate our kids into people pleasing. We want them to eat certain foods to make grandma happy. We want them to do certain things that they don't want to, because we think it will make the someone else feel better, but deep down we are hoping it will make us feel better. Often times we are guilty of wanting others to People-Please us. What are Manuals?A manual is what we want someone else to do. It's how we think they "should" think, feel, or act. We think that if the other person simply did what we wanted them to, we would feel a certain way. Everyone has manuals. We have manuals for how we think our teens should behave. Our teens have manuals for how they think their parents should behave. It's part of being human, but the more aware we are of our manuals for others, and other's manuals for us, the more emotional suffering we can avoid. So Now What?#1 Increase Your Awareness. Manipulation, People-Pleasing, and Manuals all have one thing in common . . . They are all efforts to control or change someone else or something outside of your control. It's important to be aware of these, both when others are trying to control you, and when you are trying to control someone else. As you increase your awareness, you will likely notice two things; you will see it when others are doing this to you, and you will see it when you are trying to do it to others.#2 Increase Your IntentionalityI say this all the time, but be the change you want to see!You can't change your teen, your parents, your spouse, or your in-laws, but you CAN, 100%, change you. Rather than focusing on what you want THEM to do differently (dropping their manuals or their manipulating ways) focus on what YOU can control (dropping your manuals or your manipulating ways). Be intentional about how you parent your teens. This will empower you. This will help you reconnect with your teen. Often we are guilty of perpetuating People-Pleasing when we teach our kids to worry about "hurting someone's feelings" or "making them feel bad."#3 Choose Love and CompassionIt's not our job to get others to quit manipulating, people-pleasing, or to drop their manuals. That would be manipulating them to follow our manual. But, WE DO NOT have to be the victim. We are not responsible for others' emotions. We get to live our lives, how we want, and we can be committed to loving the other person no matter what. Call to ACTION!Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are. FREE Consultation With Me!
16 minutes | 3 months ago
Are you Driving Away your Teen?
Why Do We "Need" to Fix Others?I want to start out by saying that human beings are fixers!We love to fix things!As parents, many of us have come to believe that it is our job to fix our teens. Coupled with our years of experience and all our time, love and resources invested on our kids, we think we have the duty and right to change and fix our teens. When we try to fix or change our teens, what it really means is that we think there is something wrong with them and that they are not good enough.Our teens often feel like there is something wrong with them and that they are not good enough. As parents we often feel shame, embarrassment, frustration when we think that our teen "should be . . . "How This Often Looks In The ModelBelieve it or not, this is the #1 problem that parents come to me for help with. Their teen is "pulling away," or "We're not close anymore. We just don't like each other," or "I can't watch them throw their life away!"Here's a recent model with one of my clients:Circumstance- Son's friends smoke weed.Thought- My son needs better friends or he'll ruin his life.Feeling- FearAction- Ban his friends from our house. Result- I push my son away.Circumstance- Daughter gets a D in mathThought- She should be getting A's in math.Feeling- FrustrationAction- Ground her for a week.Result- I'm trying to fix my daughter.When we try to fix them, we're actually pushing them awayOften times our teen adopt our thoughts and beliefs into their own models. Circumstance- Friends smoke weed.Thought- I need better friends or I'll ruin my life.Feeling- FearAction- Worry that my friends will ruin my life.Result- Struggle making friends.Circumstance- I got a D in mathThought- I should be getting A's in math.Feeling- shameAction- Negative self talk like, "I'm stupid."Result- Don't try in classes.Trying to fix our teens often has the opposite affect. In fact, trying to fix or change them often supports their suspicion that they are not good enough. Here's 2 Things You Can Do Instead#1 Connect With Your Teen Right Where They Are!I know it's hard. We want our teens to have the best possible life. And, sometimes it's hard to see how things will work out in the end when their current circumstances seem so bleak. BUT, I promise things WILL work out for the best! ALWAYS!!Every circumstance that you experience with your teen is an opportunity for connection. Your teen has friends that smoke weed . . . . . . Find a way to connect with them right there!Your teen is struggling in school . . . . . . Find a way to connect with them right there!Rather than trying to fix them, connect with them. Sure, you can invite them to change, but I promise connecting with them will have a more powerful impact in their life!#2 Shift Your Focus to YOU!I say this all the time, but be the change you want to see!You can't change your teen, but you CAN, 100%, change you. Rather than focusing on what you want THEM to do differently, focus on what you want YOU to do differently. This will empower you. This will help you reconnect with your teen. Call to ACTION!Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are. FREE Consultation With Me!
19 minutes | 3 months ago
Find Out What's Possible!
Have You Ever Limited Yourself with a Goal?I have done this, and I've seen both the parents and teens that I work with do this too. You set a goal that's "realistic." In fact, you hold yourself back a little just to make sure that is is realistic. You reach your goal in half the time that you planned, and then you sit back and relax and do little to nothing more. This is just one example of having a limiting goal. Other times, we simply don't set our sights high enough. I heard Cliff Ravenscraft speaking about his weight loss experience. He believed that he needed to lose weight slowly, so that's what he did. He believed that the last 10 lbs. would be the hardest and take the longest, so it did. At one point, after struggling with the last 10 lbs., he questioned the belief that the last 10 lbs. would take the longest and be the hardest. He questioned why he believed that and wondered if the opposite could be true. When he got curious and questioned his belief, he found out that it was actually pretty easy to lose the last 10 lbs. and he lost it relatively quickly. What's Possible for You?I heard it said that a Navy Seal taught that when your brain tells you that you can do no more, go no further, you are actually only at about 40% of your capacity?So, how do you know what it possible for you?I hear tons of parents say, "I can't do this", or "I could never be . . . "They are simply limited by what they believe is possible for themselves. I want to invite you to explore, What IS Possible for Me?"You will be shocked. You are far more capable than you give yourself credit for. That kind mother of your dreams, or that fun and loving father of your dreams are completely possible. It's 100% possible for you to have the relationship of your dreams with your teen.What's Possible for Your Teen?This one is tricky. We don't want to fall into the trap of seeing what's possible for our teens and then setting all sorts of expectations that we feel our teens "should" live up to. Instead I want you to simply believe that EVERYTHING and ANYTHING is possible for them. One of the things that parents struggle with is their own limiting beliefs about their teens. Parents think things like, "If Bob fails math, he'll never get into college." or "If Sally gets pregnant, she'll ruin her life."By doing this we are showing our own limiting beliefs about our teens. Instead, we can choose to believe, "If Bob fails math, he can still get into college." or, "If Sally gets pregnant, she will still have an amazing life!"Call to ACTION!Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop limiting yourself as a parent and start creating your own amazing possibilities. FREE Consultation With Me!
36 minutes | 3 months ago
Improving your Mental and Emotional Health
Everyone's Mental Health Needs are UniqueLast week we talked about mental and emotional health and how I define it.For me, Mental Health refers to:Mental and emotional well being. The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions and results. The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small. It's the ability to problem solve and overcome struggles and challenges. Not everyone's mental and emotional health needs are the same. There is no "one size fits all" solution. This is why it is vital that you take the time to figure out your own mental and emotional health needs and wants.I had one teenager who wanted to increase his ability to sleep at night. He wasn't sure how, but he thought this was somehow tied to his mental and emotional health. (I'll tell you later what he did to go from struggling to fall asleep, stay asleep, and then wake up in the morning to sleeping like a baby all night long.)I had another client who constantly worried about mistakes from their past. They worried that they had ruined their future, upset God, and they constantly felt like they weren't good enough. I have parents who constantly worry that their teenager or young adult will do something "too bad" and "ruin their lives."These are all areas that can be improved by increasing your mental health.Increase Your Own AwarenessOne of the things that I've seen that helps people identify areas where they would like to increase their mental health, is to explore areas of your life that you are unhappy with. What things frustrate you? What things seem overwhelming or insurmountable?What are the things or areas of your life that you are avoiding?It's empowering to increase your awareness. Rather than ignoring and avoiding areas of your life that cause you discomfort or dissatisfaction, we face them and experience them. Awareness empowers you to make a change. Make Mental Health a Simple, Sustainable, PriorityIt's important that you don't over complicate your mental health.Find things that are simple and sustainable for you. They don't have to take too long. They don't have to be hard. The young man who couldn't sleep at night started doing a 5 minute thought download 30-60 minutes before bed. Within a week he was sleeping better. Within a month he had the sleep schedule that he wanted and only did thought downloads once or twice a week.The client who struggled with their past actions explored those past actions and found some benefits and positives associated with it. The worked on accepting that circumstances are neutral, and that if there are negatives there has to also be an equal number of positives. Once they found that the past actions were truly neutral, it stopped bugging them overnight. Some of my clients exercise their mental health by doing physical exercise. Others do writing in journals, thought downloads, or even creative writing. Some join sports teams or school/community theater. The bottom line is that YOUR mental health is yours. You get to decide how to take care of you best. If you're worried about your teen's mental health, be the example. Make your mental health a bigger priority. Your example to your teen is the most powerful thing you can do to help them change. Become a Member TODAY!
28 minutes | 3 months ago
Mental and Emotional Health
Mental Health vs Mental Illness vs Mental DisorderLots of people use the terms "mental health," "mental illness," and "mental disorder" interchangeably. For me, mental health and mental illness refer to two different things. For me, Mental Health refers to:Mental and emotional well being. The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions. The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small. It's the ability to problem solve and overcome struggles and challenges. On the other hand, Mental Illness and Mental Disorders refer more to diagnoses like:DepressionADD/ADHDBipolar, Identity, and Personality disorders,Eating disordersPTSDSevier AnxietySchizophreniaMental Health and Emotional Health Go Hand in HandWe talked about mental health earlier. Let's take a minute and talk about Emotional Health.For me, Emotional Health is the ability to experience any and ALL emotions, good or bad, negative or positive, happy or sad, from one extreme to the other. In addition to being able to experience these emotions, it's also important to be able to identify them, process them, and appreciate them.I Focus on Improving Mental and Emotional HEALTH!Again, I'm not a doctor, therapist, or counselor. I want to make that clear! But, we can all improve our mental & emotional health.There's a misconception that only certain people can help others, especially teens, improve their mental health. Yes, this might apply to mental illness and disorders, but mental health is somethiI can help you improve your mental health. Everyone can improve their mental and emotional health in one area or another. And, like physical health, we have to power to do most of our own mental and emotional health work for ourselves, on our own. Many times developing and bolstering our mental health is just a simple matter of changing how we think. Sometimes it's adding new routines and habits to our lives. Call to ACTION!January is the time to join my group coaching program!I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams. You will develop the skills to be intentional, to turn struggles in to strengths, and to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen. Plus, I'm joining forces with 3 other coaches to offer you the BEST parenting membership EVER!The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Firmly Founded Parents!Do you want to become confident in your parenting?Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Firmly Founded Parents!As a member, you'll get:🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2021📅2 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month with or certified coaches🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents🏆 2 coaching sessions/month with our expert coaches🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen📚 Access to our growing library of resources🤯 ONLY $97 A MONTH! 🤯Become a Member TODAY!
21 minutes | 3 months ago
Being Resilient is Hard . . . and that's OK!
Why Is It SO Hard To Be Resilient?It IS hard to be resilient, and it’s hard to develop resilience.But, it’s not hard in an impossible bad way. It’s hard in a good empowering way.Asking why it’s hard to develop resilience is like asking why it’s hard to bench press or lift weights. The answer is because it has to be hard. Lifting weights is supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, you wouldn’t get stronger. As you get better, you intentionally make it harder by adding more and more weight. You are literally making it heavier and harder.So, why is it so hard to develop resilience?Because that is how it has to be. Struggle, hardship, discomfort, these are simply the price of becoming resilient. Think of resilience like bravery or courage. We all think that being brave and courageous is a good skill to have, right?Well, is it possible to be brave without first being afraid? The answer is NO. There is no bravery without fear.Similarly, there is no resilience without struggle. This is why it’s so hard to build resilience.How To Help Your Teen.It sounds harsh, but let them struggle. I’m not saying to pile it on and go out of your way to make their life miserable, just allow them to struggle, and let them know that they have your support.It’s easy for parents to “catastrophize” things. Our teen gets an “F” in math, and as parents, we act like it’s the end of the world. Instead, we need to reassure them that, though we want them to get better grades, it's not the end of the world. Let them know that it’s okay to struggle.Help your teen realize that it is the very act of struggling that makes us stronger. Help them realize that it’s no more than an opportunity to develop their resilience.Mindset of ResilienceYour mindset makes all the difference. Whether you see your struggles as the end of the world or as an opportunity for growth depends on your mindset. You can make the decision to look for the growth, rather than focusing on all of the negative.This means, when you get knocked down, not only do you get back up, but you find the positives of getting knocked down. You learn from it and you grow from it.Even before you get knocked down, if you have a mindset of resilience, you know that getting knocked down is a possibility, you plan on it, and you plan on getting right back up.Help your teens understand that we all know that we are going to struggle, so just plan on it. That way, when they get dumped or don’t get invited to the party, or they struggle with anxiety or depression, rather than being surprised and shocked by their struggle, they realize, “Okay, this is a struggle. This is part of the plan.”Call to ACTION!The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Firmly Founded Parents!Do you want to become confident in your parenting?Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Firmly Founded Parents!As a member, you'll get:🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2021📅2 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month with or certified coaches🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents🏆 2 coaching sessions/month with our expert coaches🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen📚 Access to our growing library of resources🤯 ONLY $97 A MONTH! 🤯Become a Member TODAY!
29 minutes | 4 months ago
How to Shift your Mindset: Goal Setting
3 Simple Mindset ShiftsDesire vs ShameInstead of letting shame drive your goals, try harnessing the power of desire. Instead of, "I need," or "I should," try . . ."I WANT TO . . . !""I want to stop yelling at my teen.""I want to appreciate my teen."Can you feel the difference?Rather than doing it out of shame, you're doing it for you, out of desire. When it comes to your goals or resolutions, drop the shame. Do it out of love. Do it out of desire for who you want to be.This will be a powerful example for your teens. This will also help you change your mindset around what you and your teen "need" to do versus what you "want" them or you to do. This will help you drop the shame when parenting.Who You Are vs What You DoWho we are determines what we do. Focus on who you are or who you want to become. Instead of focusing on what needs to be done, explore who you must be to do those things. This will help you parent with a new perspective. Rather than focusing on what you've done "wrong," you can focus on who you've become. Rather than focusing on your teen's actions, you can better focus on who they are and who they are becoming. Who you are is the driving force behind what you do. Be the person that you want to be.Achieve more in 2021 by doing LESS!Seems like everyone has a list of things that they want to do in the upcoming year.There's one problem . . . So, rather than focusing on all the new things that you want to do in 2021, rather than coming up with a list of "To Do's" try identifying the things that you want to stop doing this year. What are some areas that take up the most time, energy, resources or money? What if you stopped eating out? How much money, time, and health would that save you?Our time, energy, and resources are limited. When we try to achieve more by doing more, it often puts stress on one of those areas. When we start freeing up time, energy, and resources, it empowers you to double your focus on the areas of your life that are most important. Try it out this year. Here's some ideas that I've done less of in the past:Stop arguing with others.I was able to save time and feel better towards others. Stop focusing on the negative/problems/obstacles.This helped me be happier, empowered, and find the opportunities and the positives in the midst of the negative. Call to ACTION!Join my Parenting MembershipI'm joining forces with 3 other coaches to offer you the BEST parenting membership EVER!The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Firmly Founded Parents!Do you want to become confident in your parenting?Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Firmly Founded Parents!You'll get:🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2021📅2 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the month with or certified coaches🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents🏆 2 coaching sessions/month with our expert coaches🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen📚 Access to our growing library of resources🤯 ONLY $97 A MONTH! 🤯Become a Member TODAY!
16 minutes | 4 months ago
Two Traditions, "Christmas Gift!" and Find the LambMy wife's family has a tradition. Each Christmas, people try to be the first to greet one another by saying, "Christmas Gift!"We try to sneak in to the house without being seen, just so we can catch someone unaware and "Christmas Gift" them. It's a fun tradition that gets the whole family involved.In my home we have a huge Christmas Village. There are 15 houses/buildings, 2 ponds with skaters, 2 bridges, a train, a nativity scene, and 1 lamb. The tradition is that someone hides the lamb in the village, and everyone else tries to find it amongst all the distractions. It helps us remember the reason we celebrate Christmas. A Christmas gift for YOU and your teen?This Christmas, I want to invite you to give yourself a powerful Christmas gift! You will also give this gift to your teen, but I promise, you will benefit the most from it.This gift has two daily exercises.Exercise #1: For the next 7 days, spend a few minutes throughout the day looking for evidence that you are a great parent. Identify things that you think you are doing well. Identify things that you like about yourself. Remember to look for them throughout the day. Then in the evening, write down a list of 10 things that you found that support the idea that you ARE a great parent. Repeat this exercise every day for the next 7 days. Exercise #2: For the next 7 days, spend a few minutes throughout the day looking for evidence that your teenager IS doing their best. Identify things that you think they are doing well. Identify things that you like about them. Remember to look for them throughout the day. Then in the evening, write down a list of 10 things that you found that support the idea that your teenager IS doing their best. Repeat this exercise every day for the next 7 days. You find what you are looking for/You are where your focus is!What you look for you will find. We've been conditioned to find the negative. Let's change that. Let's look for the positive. This will change how you feel towards yourself!This will change how you feel towards your teen. How you feel towards your teen is a reflection/projection of how you feel about yourself. This truly is the best gift you can give yourself this Christmas. Call to ACTION!Join my group coaching program if you'd like to dive deeper into gratitude and goals during the month of November. I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams. The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!Do you want to become confident in your parenting?Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!As a member, you'll get:🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2020📅 4 LIVE Zoom Calls throughout the monthMonthly training2 times/month Q&A Zoom callsMonthly Guest Expert Call🧑🤝🧑 Unlimited access to our community of like-minded parents🏆 Access to our expert coaches🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life😎 Build unshakable confidence in yourself as a parent🏗️ Build a rock-solid relationship with your teen📚 Access to our growing library of resources🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯Become a Member TODAY!
25 minutes | 4 months ago
What is your future?Your future-self only exists in your imagination. Your future is not better than your present or your past. Your future-self can be a guide and mentor. When we focus on our future, that focus can give us direction in the present and in difficult moments. The better we get to know our future-self, the more we live in alignment with who we want to become. Live from “What’s possible?”Too many times we define ourselves by our past mistakes and struggles. It's much more powerful to define yourself by your potential and possibilities. Your future-self is YOU! Your future-self is the combination of your past, present, and future. Everything from your past is connected to your future.You own your future. You get to create it exactly how you want it. You are the only person who knows what you want.How to use your future-self as a mentor and guide!We want to embrace the power of our future-self by exploring who we would be at the future point of our goals and dreams. What would we think, feel, and do?By doing this, your future-self can become a guide and mentor in your present lives. You can receive direction and clarity from seeing what your dream future looks like and who you become. One of the common pitfall that I see parents and their teens get caught in is letting their past mistakes and struggles define them. As parents, we do this to our teens. Our teens follow our examples and do it back to us. And then, we do it to ourselves. We never quite let go of the past or intentionally define it for ourselves. Explore your future and what you would like it to look like. Get curious about your potential and your future possibilities. Once you've explored your potential, get clear on some dreams and desires. What would it take on your part to make it a reality? Imagine your future-self having accomplished those dreams. What did they have to do? Who did they become to accomplish those dreams? What would the you that has already accomplished your dreams and goals do? What would they feel? What would they think about?Now, start living your life with that future focus. Keep your future in your sights. Have your future possibilities drive your actions, as a parent and simply as a human being. The clearer you get on what you would like your future to look like, the better you understand who you would have to be to live that future, the easier it is to set goals. Live in the present!“The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.” ~Thomas S. MonsonYou can only change the future by living in the present. In A Christmas Carol we see how Scrooge starts living differently. He showed up from day to day. He was willing to be laughed at and judged by others. He was changing for himself and for his future possibilities. Special Gift for YOU!As I mentioned in the Thanksgiving episode, my birthday was last month, and I LOVE to celebrate the holidays. I love Christmas and the whole holiday season!I want to offer you a special gift!From now, through the end of 2020, I am giving away a few free coaching sessions each week. I want to help you, NO STRINGS ATTACHED! Space is limited, and it's first come first serve. Book your Gift Session Today!Gift SessionCall to ACTION!The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!🤯 ONLY $57 A MONTH! 🤯Become a Member TODAY!
22 minutes | 4 months ago
What is your present?This is where you have power and control. What you think about your past or your future is in the present. You have the power to control how you will think about your past and future from now on. What you currently think and believe creates how you feel and act, which determines your current reality and results. We are creating our future right now in the present by the way we think, feel, and behave.How you feel in regards to your past or future is determined by what you think in the present. Your results have been created by beliefs, feelings, and actions. Your present-self is a reflection of what you currently think and feel. Many of your present patterns and habits have been formed in your past and carried into your present life. Without intention, these habits will most likely carry over into your future as well. The present is a powerful place to explore your current results and how you are creating those. What is your present-self creating for your future-self? Where are you going?We can look at our present habits and patterns and look towards the future and see what our future results will likely be if the present habits patterns go unchanged. When we focus on our past and define ourselves by our past, we feel regret. When we focus the future of our dreams and define ourselves by our potential, we feel hope and empowered.Identify some of your top patterns and habits. Where are they taking you?Embrace the power of your present-self, and Take Action!Too many of us are waiting to make a change until . . . . . . some unspecified future time. The time is NOW!You have the power to change. We want to embrace the power of the present moment, the here and now, and take actions that will lead to the future of our dreams.We want to recognize the patterns that exist in our present-selves and explore whether or not they lead us to our future self. Special Gift for YOU!As I mentioned in the Thanksgiving episode, my birthday was last month, and I LOVE to celebrate the holidays. I love Christmas and the whole holiday season!I want to offer you a special gift!From now, through the end of 2020, I am giving away a few free coaching sessions each week. I want to help you, NO STRINGS ATTACHED! Space is limited, and it's first come first serve. Book your Gift Session Today!Gift Session
25 minutes | 5 months ago
What is your past?Your past self only exists in your mind in the form of memories.All those moments in the past that you are proud of, or maybe a little ashamed of, only exist in memory form.You get to decide what your past means in your life. You get to define how your past influences your present. You get to decide the story that you tell about your past.Your past self has created your current patterns, habits, and circumstances. Your past-self did the very best that they could! They did exactly what they needed to do to help you be who you are today.Your past-self does not control your present-self, but it does have an impact on both your present and your future.Most people are not intentional about the impact that their past has on their present lives.Most people never stop to think about how they think and feel about their past, or what they let their past mean in their lives.Nobody remembers all of their past. Most people have a few pivotal moments throughout their past that they hang on to. They give these moments meaning in their present lives, both good and bad. Unfortunately, they usually give their past meaning with no intention. They become victims to their past as they continue to be driven by their thoughts, beliefs, and emotions from and about their past. They let the patterns of their past extend, unchecked, into their future. What does your past mean to you? What you think about your past will determine how you feel about your past. How you feel about your past will influence how you act and behave in the present, which will then create your future.Often times we let our past determine who we are without defining our past for ourselves. For example, in my past, I accidentally lit my school bus on fire with some friends. For a long time, I thought that my past made me a bad person. I felt shame and embarrassment, which influenced my behaviors, which resulted in a lack of confidence in myself.Now that I make it a point to define my own past, I am empowered by it. Lighting the school bus on fire is now nothing more than an experience that taught me valuable lessons. It's a fun story to show people that you can make HUGE mistakes and recover from them. It's a tool that I use to connect with people. At the time I felt hopeless and worthless. I can still remember that. It helps me connect with and understand teens and parents who currently feel hopeless and worthless. Believe it or not, your past, even the parts you are most ashamed of, connects you to the future of your dreams. It's up to YOU to make the connection. Define and Embrace Your Past.Become aware of the impact that our past has on your life. Explore and see what patterns and habits have carried into our present life. Once we become aware of this, we can intentionally define the meaning of our past, and the impact that it has on our lives. We can start to appreciate the past for everything it has done and created for us, and we can let go of the things that are no longer serving us. Special Gift for YOU!As I mentioned in the last episode, my birthday was last month, and I LOVE to celebrate the holidays. I love Christmas and the whole holiday season!I want to offer you a special gift!From now, through the end of 2020, I am giving away a few free coaching sessions each week. I want to help you, NO STRINGS ATTACHED! Space is limited, and it's first come first serve. Book your Gift Session Today by clicking the link below!Gift Session
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