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The Helmistry Pod
14 minutes | Nov 10, 2021
Episode 43: How To Talk To Your Kids About Going No-contact
In this episode, we chat about the 4 tips I have for how to talk to your kids about your decision to go no-contact. The blog post I mentioned in the episode can be found here. Have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast? You can submit it here. Interested in a Helm Your Holiday coaching session to help you gain confidence and clarity as you navigate the holiday season after going no-contact? You can learn more and schedule your session here. Rooting for you!
9 minutes | Nov 3, 2021
Bonus - Q&A + Holiday Annoncement
In this bonus episode, I answer a question I got frequently after I talked about how to handle unwanted gifts sent by your no-contact family: “What do I do with gifts addressed to my kids?” If you have that question too, take a listen to hear my thoughts. Have a question you’d like me to answer on the podcast? You can submit your question here. Interested in having a Helm Your Holidays coaching session? You can learn more and schedule your session here. Tune in next week where I’ll talk about how to talk to your kids about going no-contact. Rooting for you!
12 minutes | Oct 27, 2021
Episode 42: 3 Tips For When Your Holidays Aren‘t Happy
Last year I did a mini-series on the podcast called Holidays Your Way. In it, I discussed why you deserve to have happy holidays and how to make new traditions. You can check it out in episodes 11-14. While I absolutely still agree with everything I discussed in that series, I want to acknowledge that the first couple of holidays after going no-contact are ROUGH. You might not be in the place emotionally to do all the things I talked about in Holidays Your Way. But instead of ignoring your emotions and pretending everything is fine, how can you show yourself radical acceptance and kindness as you process your emotions? If you need some tips on how to approach not-so-happy holidays, this episode is for you. If you're anxious because you're expecting unwanted gifts from your toxic family, this episode is for you too. If you're worried about the holidays because you haven't talked to your kids about being no-contact and not celebrating with your toxic family, the next episode is for you - but you should still listen to this one. :) Rooting for you! T
7 minutes | Oct 6, 2021
Episode 41: Self-Discovery is Scary
In this mini-episode, we talk about why self-discovery is scary after going no-contact and how shifting the way you approach it can make all the difference.
24 minutes | Sep 22, 2021
Episode 40: Self-trust & Social Media
When it comes to measuring our progress, nothing sparks more regret and resentment, nothing threatens our self-trust more, than social media. In today’s episode, we’re gonna talk about 5 reasons social media damages our self-trust: 1. It encourages pretending 2. It incentivized being a copycat 3. It prevents us from being present 4. It causes passivity 5. It emboldens the dehumanization of others In case you need this reminder: You are enough You’re doing enough You should be so proud of the work you’re doing and the work you’ve done. I know I am. Want to stay connected with my work now that I've quit social media? You can subscribe to the podcast, subscribe to my newsletter, or work with me for self-trust coaching. Rooting for you!
21 minutes | Sep 1, 2021
Episode 39: Why Is Self-trust So Hard?
In today’s episode, we’re gonna go through why we struggle with our self-trust in the first place. Spoiler alert: It’s not your fault. Not only did our toxic parents not help us foster self-trust, they actively fostered self-distrust because they were only interested in doing things that made us easier to control. And vilifying us for having a mind of our own meant we were more likely to go along with whatever they wanted. But if we stop there, if we think our parents alone are the reason we struggle with self-trust, we’re missing a big piece of the equation. Thanks for tuning in to The Helmistry Pod! Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Want to cultivate deeper self-trust and improve your relationship with yourself after going no-contact with your controlling toxic parents? Visit my website helmistry.com to learn more about how to work with me. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and/or join my private group The Helmistry Collective. Rooting for you!
23 minutes | Aug 25, 2021
Episode 38: You Are NOT Broken
Having abusive parents doesn’t just make the parent-child relationship toxic, it makes our relationship with ourselves toxic. Because as kids, most of what we know about relationships is learned from our parents. From how they treat themselves, how they treat each other, how they treat other people, and how they treated us. When it comes to how they treated us, I want to highlight one thing they taught us about ourselves that we have to commit to unlearning. That we’re broken. In this episode we chat about: Why we were taught we're broken Why you should cut yourself some slack if you feel like you're not progressing quickly enough in your healing journey How the toxic environment we were raised in sets us up to look for toxic forms of motivation Why the message you're not broken is especially necessary if you're neurodivergent like me If you'd like to go deeper in your self-trust work through 1:1 coaching with me, learn more about my 4-month self-trust coaching program here. Rooting for you (and your whole-ass-self)!
23 minutes | Aug 18, 2021
Episode 37: The Path To Self-Trust
In this episode, we’re gonna talk about the path to self-trust. Self-trust is believing in yourself. But before you can believe in yourself, you have to know who you are. And therein lies the problem for most of us childhood trauma survivors, we have no clue who we are. We'll also cover: The three steps to self-discovery The two types of self-awareness Why you can’t work on self-trust without tackling self-discovery and self-awareness first How your inner child is an awesome partner in your process Ways to connect with your inner child Be sure to tune in next Wednesday for more tips and tools on how to take life after no-contact by the helm. Want to dive deeper into your self-trust journey? Learn more about how to work with me here. Rooting for you!
10 minutes | Jul 28, 2021
Episode 36: Focus on Your Healing
At the beginning of our healing journey, we can fall into a pretty common trap for childhood trauma survivors - focusing too much on our parents. When you focus too much on your parents it causes issues like: 1. Keeping you stuck in the past 2. Trying to fix your parents 3. Overlooking how your parents' behavior impacted you Yes, there's a time for meaningful reflection on how your parents caused your trauma and that you're not to blame. But don't stay there.
14 minutes | Jul 7, 2021
Episode 35: 3 Signs You Struggle With Self-trust
In this episode we talk about the three signs you struggle with self-trust: 1. You play small/settle 2. You're a people-pleaser 3. You're a jerk to yourself In all of these instances you're too focused on the wrong things: 1. Your comfort 2. What other people think 3. Your weaknesses
14 minutes | Jul 2, 2021
Episode 34: Preventing No-Contact
In this episode, I share how I respond to one of the common things I've heard after going no-contact: "Your kids are gonna go no-contact with you." I also rant about a parenting incident I witnessed in the grocery store. Today's the last day to sign up for my supercharge your self-trust challenge. You can sign-up here. Rooting for you!
12 minutes | Jun 25, 2021
Episode 33: 3 Reasons You Overexplain Going No-Contact
Last week I asked a bunch of questions in my IG stories. One of them was, "What's something you struggle with most since going no-contact?" Most of the answers to this question were a variation of "Constantly feeling the need to explain my reasons for going no-contact." In today's episode, we'll chat about three reasons we feel the urge to explain, and often overexplain, our decision to go no-contact: Lack of normalcy Lack of boundaries Lack of self-trust
11 minutes | Jun 18, 2021
Episode 32: Father's Day Dread
For us unloved daughters, Father's Day brings just as much dread as Mother's Day does. So all the tips I gave in the Mother's Day Dread episode (Ep. 22) still applies: 1. Check in with your inner child 2. Be mindful of your triggers 3. Establish/Enforce boundaries 4. Prioritize self-care In this episode, we talk about two ways Father's Day dread differs from Mother's Day dread.
15 minutes | Jun 11, 2021
Episode 31: What No-Contact Is/Isn't
A lot of people have strong feelings about going no-contact. It's typically the people without toxic parents or the people with toxic parents who feel like they can't set boundaries who have the most opinions about it. ⠀ Since there are a lot of misconceptions out there, I thought it'd be a good idea to talk about what no-contact is and isn't. ⠀ Going no-contact is NOT: ⠀ 🛑 A temper tantrum 🛑 Punishment 🛑 Unforgiving 🛑 A cycle your kids will continue 🛑 Selfish ⠀ Going no-contact IS: ⠀ 👍🏾 A last resort 👍🏾 Self-care 👍🏾 Self-preservation ⠀ You're deserving of a life where you are loved and supported no matter what. A life where you can show up authentically and not be expected to be a robot devoid of feelings. And you're allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes loving and supporting you seem like an unrealistic expectation. Including your parents. Need some support and guidance regarding your next steps after going no-contact so that you can finally start living for you? Learn more about how to work with me here. ⠀ Rooting for you!
15 minutes | Jun 4, 2021
Episode 30: Who Are You Living For?
In today's episode, we'll chat about: 1. Why we live for our parents 2. Who else we often find ourselves living for 3. The issues living for others can cause 4. The real reason holding some of us back I also talk a little about what to expect in a No-Contact Navigator coaching intensive. You can learn more about how to work with me here.
8 minutes | Jun 2, 2021
Episode 29: Losing My Ambition
One of the side effects of going no-contact is that you question literally everything in your life. In today's episode, we're gonna talk about how going no-contact with my toxic mom made me lose my ambition.
15 minutes | May 28, 2021
Episode 28: The Time I Broke No-Contact
In today's episode, we're gonna chat about that time I broke no-contact 6 months into my no-contact journey. I broke no-contact because: 1. The pressure I was getting from my toxic mom's enablers got to me. 2. The internal resistance I felt was overwhelming. 3. I was convinced that the only way to have a good relationship with my daughter was to make the relationship with my mom work. Going no-contact was hard the first time, but it was EVEN HARDER the second time.
11 minutes | May 26, 2021
Episode 27: 3 Reasons Going Low-Contact Doesn't Work
One of the things often recommended before going no-contact is going low-contact. ⠀ I went this route and it was an EPIC failure. ⠀ In this episode, we chat about 3 reasons going low-contact might not work for you: ⠀ 1. It makes your anxiety skyrocket 2. It makes your interactions tense 3. It makes the interactions feel like you're babysitting your toxic mom ⠀ The biggest thing is figuring out if the reason you're going low-contact is that you're trying to placate her instead of doing what's right for you. My new coaching intensive No-Contact Navigator is open! If you'd like some help figuring out your next steps after going no-contact to ensure you prioritize your healing and start living life for yourself, you can find out more here. Rooting for you!
17 minutes | May 21, 2021
Episode 26: The No-Contact Scale
The beginning of my no-contact journey was consumed with self-doubt. I was desperate for validation that I'd done the right thing and didn't blow up my life for no reason. No one in my personal life had gone no-contact so the messages I got from most of the people around me was that I was being unreasonable. So I searched endlessly for a blog post, article, chat room, or something to give me the encouraging words I needed to hear and reassurance that I'd made the right decision - to no avail. In my quest to help others on the same journey as me, I wanted to create something to help validate that what they're feeling is normal and navigate what's to come. So my no-contact scale was born. Sign-up here to be notified when applications for my No-Contact Navigator VIP Day are open. Rooting for you!
16 minutes | May 14, 2021
Episode 25: What I Wish I Knew About Going No-Contact
When I went no-contact, I didn't know of anyone who'd been down this road before. Now that I'm coming up on 8 years of no-contact, I want to share some things I wish I knew before ahead of time. It wouldn't have changed my mind, I just would've been better prepared.
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