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Alternative title: The dolls are opiates. And sometimes meth.Claire and Alex (AKA Eve Dangerfield) are back to discuss the book Alex's mum tried to throw away in the late 2000s, Valley of the Dolls! Jacqueline Susann... really did something with this one. The girls trace Susann's insights into 1940s Hollywood which was full of pills, backstabbing, homophobic slurs in the workplace, and the realization that love is surely impossible but a certain amount of doctors will always have shady morals.Also, social climbing is simp behavior and is never looked on favorably by anyone.Follow Alex/Eve on Instagram @evedangerfieldFollow the podcast @how.novel.podcast

Alternative Title. Ah sure you know yourself. This month Alex tackles critically acclaimed Irish novelist Sally Rooney's critically acclaimed novel about a critically acclaimed Irish novelist who wishes people would lay off her critically acclaimed novels. It's a bit of a minefield. Luckily Alex came prepared, inviting Irish National and intellectual powerhouse Natasha back on the pod to dissect the myriad class issues, feminist issues, existensial issues and emails (?) that make up this hectic book. Also Natasha helps to confirm Alex's theory that everyone in  BWWAY could stand to do ten weeks of CBT, drink less wine, and maybe go for a nice walk.Follow Alex on Instagram @evedangerfield Follow the podcast @how.novel.podcast You can't follow Natasha becuase she's an actual professional. 

Alternative title: What that spur do tho?This week Alex is joined by Kate from Romantically Inclined reviews AKA Romancelandia's hilarious meme queen. They discuss Ruby Dixon's Ice Barbarian series and many important questions are raised,  such as; Should you get so much plastic surgery you become a lizard man?Can Skye Warren voice the next Disney Princess?Why do people still think double-bagging condoms is a good idea? Will Kate get rich and finance a screen version of the Ice Barbarians novels? #avatarbutshowthedicksAlex and Kate also discuss modern romance criticism, which is mostly people DMing you to say things you like suck, actually. But it's fine, the real romance novels were the friends we made along the way.Follow Eve on Instagram @evedangerfield  Follow Kate @romantically_inclined Follow the podcast @how.novel.podcast 

Alternative title: Gibby gets fake cancer. Claire and Alex go back to the "lady scammers" well and draw up 'The Woman Who Fooled The World' by Beau Donelly and Nick Toscano. It's a deep dive into Belle Gibson, an influencer who pretended to have terminal brain cancer for attention and a cookbook deal. A&C rip into her as only two friends who've been in a lockdown for three weeks can. Along the way, Claire explains how late-night TV tricked her into believing The Secret was actual magic and Alex requests grifters fuck off out of the 'coconut water and positive thinking arena' because it's making people who like tarot cards look like c*nts.  They both bitch about St Kilda Bay which people refer to as a beach for no reason- it's flat as fuck.The real answer to your problems is either1. There is none2. Money3. Years of reflection and earnest self-improvement.We solved it, everyone. Game over. Go unfollow everyone with a salt lamp.  Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative Title: Sandwiches of Unknown Origins.Grab your teabags and butter your crumpets, Claire and Alex go in on Daphne Du Maurier's classic 1938 novel, Rebecca! It's spooky! It's wordy! It's got the most mentions of scones per page in a single text!Among the topics up for debate are clumsy heroines, justifiable homicides, men named Giles, and the incest taboo (again, for some reason).  Alex dubs the nameless narrator 'Elsa' for convenience-TAKE THAT PLOT DEVICE! Claire doesn't let Alex give spoilers for her own novel, 'Begin Again, Again' which you'd think would be the exception to the spoiler rule, but apparently isn't. If you like people cocking up British accents, you've come to the right place!!! Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative Title: I'm in love with a bag of blood Claire and Alex have reunited to recap a story close to both of their hearts, Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyer AKA The latest installment in the Twilight Series. As some OG Twilight...fans might be a bit generous...SCHOLARS, maybe? the girls are excited to jump in and cover all the hits- confederate Jasper, sleep staring, milk-based heroines, Edward's invisible fedora, the right to brain privacy and the million other Twilight controversies A&C have been debating for nigh on eleven years! Keep an ear out for a special guest spot from SOMEONE WHO NEEDED TO USE THE OFFICE FOR A MOMENT! Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative title: Mrs. Featherington, are you pestering the Duke?Alex bites down on her dislike of Regency romances (including Austen. Come fight her, unlike Elizabeth Bennett, she carries knuckle dusters*) and swallows a chunk of Bridgerton, the duketastic sensation gripping the nation(s) AKA 'The Duke and I' by Julia Quinn.  If you love all that stuff, never fear! Natasha is here to defend you with her lost family castles, desire to wear regency fashion despite the fact leggings exist, and her knowledge of aristocratic books better than the one she and Alex discuss. Fair warning, if you like Bridgerton, Regency romance, girls who aren't like other girls or men who threaten to strangle you in a lol way...you probs won't like this episode. Skip it. Life's too short. The girls also discuss the Netflix show, AKA Gossip Girl with pianoforte, and if you like that you should probably skip this ep too. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED! KNUCKLE DUSTERS!!!*The ghost of Claire haunts this episode, moaning "I loved the TV show, that guy is so hot and pianoforte is good."She is soundly ignored. *this is a joke, Alex doesn't carry hand weapons or approve of physical violence. Punching, as discussed in the episode, is for stupidheads.Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcasthttps://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative title: why have something happening, when could have boobs?We're back bitches! This week we dive into The Queen's Gambit by Walter Tevis,  a book written by a man in the 1970's that despite a stumbler of an opening line DOESN'T feature a scene where Beth Harmon loses a chess tournament because she got her period. Nice!Natasha and Alex discuss child prodigies, substance abuse, TV adaptions, and that thing where guys are always telling you how hot you are on a spectrum of least to most fuckable (you're always a six).Roll tide on Alex's miniseries about a young woman who learns she sucks at chess and will always lose because she can't picture things in her head very well. Double roll tide on Natasha's pitch for season 2 of The Queen's Gambit-Beth Harmon goes to see a psychologist and learns substance abuse isn't a viable solution to childhood trauma and it's okay for other people to not like you.TW: talk of child abuse, sexual assault, and substance abuse.Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcasthttps://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative title: Bring back Fanny! We want Fanny!This week on How Novel! the girls discuss the one place PC culture really has gone too far-revised copies of Enid Blyton's The Enchanted Wood in which literary simps changed Fanny's name to Frannie!But before they can talk magic trees, A&C have a podcast therapy chat about the American presidential election, children who speak in memes and Alex's mortal enemy-a 39-year-old vitamin salesman who can't stop comparing himself to a wolf. They eventually get around to Blyton, whose 1939 novel hasn't exactly 'aged well.' But not before Alex outs herself as a Pisces who blames old people for not dying fast enough and Claire admits being a communist poetry hater who likes ads on Instagram.Moonface isn't a good name for a character. CoronaVIRUS!

Alternative title: Hey, can I borrow $70,000? I'll wire it back tomorrow. I have the tracking number right here!Alex and Claire discuss Rachel William's book 'My Friend Anna.' An attempt to (cash in on) DISCUSS Anna Delvey, a Russian lass who scammed the whole New York 'art and rich c*nts scene,'  and Rachel herself.  A&C don't really like the book, which is mostly Rachel trying to not sound like an extremely privileged Vanity Fair employee hanging out with a known sh*tbag for free sparkle nailzzzzzzzzzzzz.But that's only because preying on fake rich people to get rich is Alex and Claire's get rich quick plan. Don't be frightening the socialites away, Rachel. Read this The Cut article , but not before YOU LISTEN TO US TALKING SH*T ABOUT 'MY FRIEND ANNA,'  YOU GOLD DIGGERS!https://www.thecut.com/2018/05/how-anna-delvey-tricked-new-york.htmlAlso, don't worry at 1hr and 19. It's not your headphones glitching. It's Claire's brain.  Be there or catch me outside how 'bout dat.

Alternative title: Have fun getting 'toss a coin to your witcher' out of your head. We sing it three timesJoin Alex and Claire for a round table discussion of The Witcher; the TV show, the Ps4 game, the novels of Andrzej Sapkowski, and the treelike acting of Henry Cavil AKA posh man-log. Lured by the promise of Taron Edgerton, Alex failed to get through the audio book version of The Sandman. She explains the deeply confusing experience of listening to 1988 Neil Gaiman pretend to know how lesbians work. Sideswipes taken at the last season of Game of Thrones, Outlander, amnesia, and YOUR MUM PROBABLY.  Be there or a magician will spearhead a campaign to kill all chicks born on Boxing Day. TW. Rape is a theme in both novels and is discussed throughout the podcast

Alternative Title: Book Medley!1. The Dutch House by Ann PatchettNOT about a haunted house. 2. Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens*shrek voice* GET OUT OF MY SWAMP!!!Claire guesses the mystery and ruins everything. 3. My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth RussellStupid old man creepazoid ruins a girls life. And by girl I do mean 'Alexandra who read this book.' Also Vanessa. LEAVE VANESSA ALONE. 4. If I Had Your Face by Frances ChaClaire makes the joke of the episode. Cackling ensues. 5. Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin KwanNo. 6. The Happiest Man Alive by Eddie Jakku:( but also :) 7. Come by Rita ThereseA darkly hilarious memoir from a Melbourne sex worker. Could YOU poo on someone for money? 8. Inside out by Demi Moore...kind of. Alex ruins Claire's Punkd joke and they shit talk Ashton Kutcher. TW: we discuss sexual assault, Lolita and other creepy, non consentual fictional relationships and the holocaust. Roxane Gay is mentioned so many times throughout this podcast, we should probably pay her. Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast or https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en listen to the 'You're Wrong About' podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/youre-wrong-about/id1380008439 https://i.imgflip.com/2bn6ws.jpg

Alternative title: This Fucking Guy. This week we read 'Too much and Never Enough; How My Family Created the World's Most Dangerous Man' by Mary Trump. Come for the lowdown on a book everyone is too Trump fatigued to read. Stay for the sighing, name-calling, batshit family history and attempts to define the term 'Karen.' Also, Claire confesses to getting Trump elected via the butterfly effect, which is just typical. Landlord: fake jobThe terrifying Fred Trump picturehttps://i.redd.it/umr4zvzhawp11.jpgFollow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative title: Little Karen's Everywhere.This week we read 'Little Fires Everywhere' by Celeste Ng and discuss why shitty people love using fake benevolence as nunchaku to bash in the heads of those who chose to live differently. Alex recounts a failed prank involving a bridge, six sham gmail accounts and a bag of cow bones. Claire confesses to spending upward of five hours a day on Tik Tok, an app for children. Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative title: Anthony Bourdain was old man fit.This week we read Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly by Anthony Bourdain. Alex guides Claire in learning about and mourning Mr. Bourdain whose book about getting mad high and cooking fancy stopped thousands, maybe millions of people ordering fish on Monday. Come for Bourdain's hilarious misadventures, stay for Alex and Claire's personal anecdotes about working in the world's shittiest restaurant; stealing their own tips and licking the spoons of those who wronged them.Hot chips are shit. Fight me on the internet. TW: Anthony Bourdain committed suicide and we discuss this event throughout the podcast. Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative title: The Secret Seven: Seven Cheers for the Curse of Rock n' Roll!This week we're reading Reese Witherspoon endorsed, fake rock band biography 'Daisy Jones and the Six' by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Alex wonders what poor hack will get stuck writing the music for the TV adaption. Claire gets confused about what you'd mean if you said a person's eyes were 'cornflower blue' and cries again. Don't write a song about her. Caution: This episode includes stirring a capella versions of 'I Got You Babe,' 'Senorita' and 'Don't You Want Me.' Be there or be Dorian Gray's cursed face!Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative title: 'Maybe you should Cry on a Podcast'We read 'Maybe You Should Talk to Someone' by Lori Gottlieb and that learn Claire hates crocs and cries whenever you say the word 'cancer.' Alex ponders boomer embarrassment about therapy. Claire cries. Alex gets mad about how men are praised for being lazy because she wants to be praised for being lazy. Claire cries again. FUN TIMES ARE HAD BY ALL AND WE ALSO LEARN A LOT, TOO!Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en

Alternative title: Fish Mishers Murder MishteriesThe flagship episode of the ultimate one-sided book club! We read Murder on a Midsummer Night by Kerry Greenwood. Alex ponders Miss Fisher's clear alcoholism and disdain for anyone who isn't a stone cold ten. Claire is deeply repulsed by all descriptions of food, clothing, art and twee magic. Is it too much to ask for a novel about BLACKBEARD'S PIRATE TREASURE! YARRRR, GIVE ME YOUR CHARTREUSE COCKTAILS AND SMALL CUPS OF CHILLED BOUILLON OR YOU'LL WALK THE PLANK, YE SCURVY SWINE!Follow us on Instagram @how.novel.podcast https://www.instagram.com/how.novel.podcast/?hl=en