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How Can I Say This...
32 minutes | 11 days ago
Pausing and People Pleasing with Allen Heymann
There are lots of things that get in the way of our ability to successfully handle conflict. They often have to do with a limiting mindset, a leaning towards people pleasing, misidentifying the root cause of the conflict, or not creating a safe environment for feedback or different opinions. The good news is that there’s a lot we can personally do to remove those barriers. Our question this episode: What are some simple but powerful ways we can set ourselves up for better success when we get into conflict?My guest is Alan Heymann. Alan is a leadership and executive coach in the Washington DC area. He’s a communications and marketing veteran from the media, government, and nonprofit sectors, with degrees in journalism and law. He’s worn many hats, including being a reporter, anchor, editor and producer, spokesperson, business owner, activist and team leader. His entire career has focused on doing good in the world, by helping others grow. Hosted by Beth Buelow, PCC. More information and episode archives at www.howcanisaythis.com. Your reviews, ratings, and shares are appreciated! Thanks for listening and caring about courageous conversations. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
37 minutes | 25 days ago
The Language of DEI with Arlene Koth
Whether we’re aware of it or not, the past year has introduced most everyone to a new language. Words that we used in one context, such as equality, equity, diversity, belonging, and systems, are now taking on new meaning and are being used in new contexts. It’s not always easy to keep up, but for the sake of courageous conversations, it’s important we try. Our question this episode: how do we talk respectfully and directly about matters of race and privilege when we’re still learning the vocabulary?My guest today is Arlene Koth, Founder of OPC Consulting. Arlene has over two decades of HR management and organizational planning experience, nearly 20 years of nonprofit experience, and 15 years of C-suite/executive leadership experience. How Can I Say This… is hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info and archives at howcanisaythis.com. Thank you for listening! Your shares, reviews and ratings are welcome. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
17 minutes | a month ago
How to Talk to Strangers (Listener Question)
We spend a lot of time thinking about how to have conversations with people we care about. After all, these are the relationships that have the biggest influence in our lives. But what if we spent as much time thinking about the conversations we have with strangers? Could there be new experiences we’re missing out on that would enrich our lives? Our question this episode: how do you start a conversation with a stranger that might serve as a lead-in to friendship?If you enjoy this episode, please share with friends, family and colleagues! Your reviews, ratings and subscriptions are also appreciated. Learn more about the podcast, read a transcript of this episode, and access the archives at howcanisaythis.com. Thanks so much for listening! ~Beth B. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
15 minutes | 3 months ago
How are you? as a gateway to connection
It’s a reflexive question most of us ask when we start a conversation, and it’s one of the easiest and most challenging questions to answer: how are you? Every time it comes up, I find myself hesitating just a little. This is especially true in the past year, when it feels like an extremely loaded question. Our question this episode: how far do you go when you answer, “how are you?”Hosted by Beth L. Buelow. Full episode transcript is available at howcanisaythis.com. Your reviews, ratings, and shares are welcome! If you have a listener question you’d like to have addressed in a future episode, use the submission form at howcanisaythis.com. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
18 minutes | 3 months ago
Calming Your Nerves (Listener Question)
It happens to all of us, no matter how many times we’ve been in a difficult conversation: we get nervous. We feel stress. That stress can show up in lots of ways: in our body language, breathing patterns, our seeming inability to put words together in a logical order. Even when we figure out what we want to say and how to say it, we can tie ourselves up in nervous knots. Our question this episode: how can you work through stress so that you can effectively engage in a difficult conversation?This episode features my response to a question submitted by a listener. If you have a question you’d like addressed on a future episode, visit howcanisaythis.com for details. You’ll also find the transcript of this episode, plus archives of past episodes, on the site. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
12 minutes | 4 months ago
Acknowledging the Good in the Bad
How can I say this? When you have a day like January 6, 2021 in the United States, it’s hard to know what to say. It left many of us speechless, then enraged, mortified, and confused. When societal norms are violated in such a violent manner, words often escape us. And then we become unable to see the people we feel have violated us as our fellow human beings. We also can refuse to acknowledge those who do the right thing after long doing what we’ve felt is the wrong thing. Our question this episode: how can we keep our hearts and minds open when we feel cynical about another person’s sincerity?Hosted by Beth Buelow. Thanks for listening! More episodes on your podcast platform of choice or at howcanisaythis.com. Your shares, ratings and subscribes are welcome! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
16 minutes | 4 months ago
The Art of Letting Go
While every year has its ups and downs, 2020 will go down as an especially interesting year for lots of reasons. Our everyday vocabulary expanded to include words previously only used by doctors, lawyers, and politicians. And the conversations we’ve had with friends, family, and colleagues have challenged our understanding of what we thought was true. Sometimes, the new understanding leads to a re-evaluation of the relationship, or even a decision to call it quits. Our question this episode: how do we know when it’s time to let go of a relationship?Read a transcript of this episode at howcanisaythis.com. I look forward to more learning together in the coming year. If you enjoy what you hear, subscribe so you don't miss an episode, and share with friends, family and colleagues. Reviews are always welcome! Thanks for listening, and Happy 2021!! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
27 minutes | 5 months ago
How to have meaningful virtual conversations with Jennifer Britton
For those of us that grew up with a rotary telephone glued to the wall and no answering machine, the idea of being connected 24/7 everywhere we go still has a bit of novelty to it. I still sometimes marvel that while I walk my dog or go on errands, I’m basically carrying the world in my pocket. That convenience can lead to complacency, which can compromise our approach to conversations that happen over and through advanced technology. Our question this episode: how can we make sure technology doesn’t interview with real connection?My guest is Jennifer Britton. Jennifer is passionate about working with teams and organizations around leadership, teamwork and performance issues, specializing in remote work, and virtual teams. Author of Effective Virtual Conversations and four other books. She is an award-winning program designer in the areas of coaching and mentoring. Co-host - Remote Pathways podcast. Master Virtual Facilitator and trainer of others in virtual facilitation. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
33 minutes | 8 months ago
Talking about Race at Work with Kwame Christian
Awkward, emotional, uncomfortable. This is how many of us feel when we try to talk about race. But we need to know how to have these conversations if we’re going to make progress toward a more equitable and high-functioning society. Negotiation expert Kwame Christian joins me to give us some starting points on how to talk about race, particularly in a work environment. This episode is also available on YouTube! Listen AND watch the conversation here: https://youtu.be/1ewGfsSCpVA Kwame Christian: http://americannegotiationinstitute.com Podcast: http://howcanisaythis.com Beth Buelow: http://bethbuelow.com Thanks for listening and watching the first HCIST video! You can learn more about the podcast, access past episodes, submit a listener question, and learn how to leave a rating or review, all at howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
32 minutes | a year ago
Using Reflective Inquiry for Better Conversations with Marcia Reynolds
A coaching client recently reminded me of a truth that’s easy to forget: if you want to have a great conversation with someone, focus on trying to be interested, rather than interesting. And how do we demonstrate interest? We ask questions. But there’s more to it than that, and not all questions are created equal. Our question this episode: how can we use curiosity to make more meaningful connections with others? My guest is Marcia Reynolds, PhD, MCC. Her newest book is "Coach the Person, Not the Problem: A Guide to Using Reflective Inquiry." Your can learn more on the episode webpage at howcanisaythis.comYour feedback, ratings, reviews, and shares are welcome. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
37 minutes | a year ago
Couples Communication in Quarantine with Marianne van Dijk
As life in the pandemic continues, our capacity for empathy and connection can come and go. Sometimes it’s easy to be present for our loved ones, and other times, we need space and just to be left alone. Asking for what we need and having boundaries can be challenging enough during non-stressful times, but add a pandemic and all that comes with it into the mix? Things get more complicated.Our question this episode: how can we take care of ourselves and our relationships during a time of uncertainty and stress?My guest is relationship communication expert Marianne van Dijk. We talk about how to keep your love relationship healthy, especially in times when tensions are high. (PS: Her tips work for other types of relationships, too!)Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. Your reviews, ratings, and shares are welcome and appreciated! More information at howcanisaythis.com. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
32 minutes | a year ago
Creating a Communication-Friendly Space with Rebecca West
We all know that our physical surroundings influence our mood and ability to focus. But do we fully appreciate how much they affect our communication? How a room is arranged, what’s in the space, and how welcoming it is all contribute – or detract – from being able to have productive conversations. Our question this episode: what does our physical space have to do with our capacity for connection?My special guest is Rebecca West, founder of Seriously Happy Homes. Thanks for listening! Your reviews, ratings, and shares are greatly appreciated. You can learn more at www.howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
41 minutes | a year ago
Liars and Stonewallers: Listener Questions
If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you know that on the surface we talk about communication, but underneath that, we’re really talking about relationships. Caring about another person is why we are thoughtful about how we speak with one another. Today we’re going to hear from two listeners that have very different situations but share some common themes. I'm also pleased to welcome Rebecca West of Seriously Happy Homes to offer her insights on one of the listener questions. Our questions this episode: how do you have a difficult conversation with someone who is lying? And how do you talk to someone who just pulls away? Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com. Your reviews, ratings, shares and subscriptions are welcome. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
30 minutes | a year ago
Mori Taheripour Shares How to Bring Yourself to Negotiations
When we think of negotiators, we often think of people who are trying to find a bargain, job seekers, or people on the front lines of a hostage situation. Those things might be true some of the time, but there’s so much more to it than that. Life is a negotiation; and right now, it’s showing up in the form of negotiating new structures, working arrangements, and relationships in light of the coronavirus pandemic. We’re all negotiators.Our question this episode: what are the benefits of bringing yourself – your true self – to a negotiation?My conversation with Mori Taheripour focuses on her new book, "Bring Yourself: How to Harness the Power of Connection to Negotiate Fearlessly." We talk about the different traits of effective negotiators (it's not what you would assume), the role of empathy in successful negotiations (and relationships), and what to keep in mind when you're negotiating ideas with someone you disagree with (she feels hopeful we can find common ground).Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at HowCanISayThis.com. Your reviews, ratings, shares and subscribes are encouraged and appreciated! Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
46 minutes | a year ago
A Simple Mantra for a Complex Time
When we’re in close quarters with someone for a long time, even the strongest of relationships can be tested. In this episode, I offer you a simple mantra that can help you stay calm and compassionate while we shelter-in-place. #spaceandgraceHosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and downloadable mantra images at howcanisaythis.com. Your feedback, shares, reviews and ratings are welcome! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
46 minutes | a year ago
Difficult Conversations with Kern Beare
It’s a phrase I’ve heard over and over these past few years: there’s no point in trying to talk to them. Them is always the person with whom we have strong disagreements, or it might represent an entire group of people we’ve decided are unreachable. But there is a point; it’s just not what you might think. Our question this episode: how can we get past our surface differences to find our common humanity? My guest is Kern Beare, founder of The Difficult Conversations Project. More information at howcanisaythis.com. Shares, ratings, and reviews are always welcome and appreciated. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
15 minutes | a year ago
These 7 Words are Undermining Your Effectiveness
When we think of forming new habits, our minds go to the obvious – changing what we eat, how much we exercise, what time we go to bed or get up in the morning, deciding to meditate. Those are all good habits to pay attention to, and there’s one more to add that can change your life just as much. Our question this episode: which small word choices make a huge difference in the effectiveness of our communication?You can find past episodes, find out how to leave a review, and learn more about the show at howcanisaythis.com. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
17 minutes | a year ago
Humor: Helpful or Harmful?
There are many ways to evaluate the health of a social connection. We know to notice eye contact, body language, tone of voice and balance of listening and talking. But what about laughter? We intuitively know that when we laugh together, there’s a high probability we like one another or have something in common. It can also signal discomfort, a power indifference, or low self-esteem. Our question this episode: what are the ways laughter and humor advance or distract from our communication?Part one of two.Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. Thanks for listening! To access past episodes, learn how to leave a review, or contact Beth, visit howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
32 minutes | a year ago
Overcoming Public Speaking Anxiety with Michelle Barry Franco
There’s a widely circulated saying that people fear public speaking more than death. That funny but misguided bit of trivia distracts us from the opportunity we have whenever we’re given the literal or metaphorical microphone and invited to share our thoughts. Our question this episode: what strategies for overcoming public speaking anxiety can help us be better communicators? If you don’t consider yourself a public speaker, I invite you to think again. I can’t remember who planted this idea in my head, but there’s truth to it: we are all public speakers, every day. Whenever we open our mouths to speak to someone, we are communicating publicly with the intention of being persuasive, giving or receiving information, or accomplishing a goal. You don’t have to be on a stage or behind a podium to carry yourself and your voice with authority. My guest today is Michelle Barry Franco, and she shares strategies that help you speaking from the stage with ease also apply to having more courageous everyday conversations. Find more information, past episodes, and submit your communication question at howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
23 minutes | a year ago
Ep61: Words Create Worlds
"Almost all words do have color and nothing is more pleasant than to utter a pink word and see someone's eyes light up and know it is a pink word for him or her, too." ~Gladys Taber Our words are paint strokes on the canvas of life – sounds cheesy, but it’s true. We create a certain picture with every word we choose, both in thinking and speaking. Our question this episode: what world are we creating with our words? How Can I Say This… is a podcast focused on building connection and community through courageous conversations. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and archives at howcanisaythis.com. Your reviews, ratings and shares are welcome and help this community grow! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
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