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Hot Mess Express
7 minutes | May 23, 2017
Leonard Snart's 4 Rules For Success - Hot Mess Express
Leonard Snart is a bad guy in the DC universe. He can be seen on The Flash and on Legends of Tomorrow. Yet there is a softer, good side to Snart that shows up from time to time. In a recent episode of The Flash, he offers some sage advice to young Barry Allen about what it takes to pull off a successful heist. He says there are 4 steps to a successful plan: * Create the plan * Execute the plan * Expect the plan to go off the rails * Throw away the plan In this episode of the podcast I discuss how we all follow Snart’s first two steps and how successful people make their bones in steps 3 and 4. Being flexible about your methods for success allows you to adapt to all the crap life throws at you. Sometimes the best bit of advice is: Be stubborn about your goals, but flexible about your methods. Truly successful people are able to improvise, adapt, and overcome. They don’t quit when things get hard and if one plan fails, they move on to another. Just like a successful thief, you, too, can learn to be flexible on your way to your goals. Subscribe To The Hot Mess Express iTunes Stitcher Tune.In Player.FM
15 minutes | May 8, 2017
Language Exists To Woo Women - Hot Mess Express
There’s a scene in Dead Poet’s society where Robin Williams talks about the purpose of language and how words and ideas can change the world. In this scene, he relays this bit of wisdom: The purpose of language is to woo women. Now, in the context of the movie that makes perfect sense as they’re talking about poetry. Yet, in today’s world, that bit of movie wisdom holds true. Unfortunately, though, most people have forgotten how to communicate with power, precision, and emotion. We’ve gone from the language of poets to the simple minded idiocy of speaking text. The ability to communicate, to use the full power of language, is a lost art. We now speak to convey as much information as we can in as little verbal effort as possible. Don’t get me started on the written word, as our society’s ability to convey complex thoughts and emotions has been replaced by clickbait headlines and hyperbole. Language is the key to being successful. Not only in wooing women, but in business, in sales, and in life in general. What good is it if you have the solution to one of mankind’s greatest challenges if you can’t effectively communicate it? The Three Languages There’s 3 basic languages, or communication styles, that are most commonly used. These are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Now, if you don’t know which one you are, think of a memory that elicits a strong emotion and then describe it. If you use visual words, you speak visually. Sound words mean you are an auditory. Feeling words mean you’re kinesthetic. The key to powerful communication is understanding not only how you speak but also how the person you’re communicating speaks. So, if you want to stand out, increase your vocabulary. Amplify your language. …and for God’s sake, quit speaking text! Subscribe To The Hot Mess Express iTunes Stitcher Tune.In
28 minutes | May 1, 2017
HME036 – Redemption: It Takes Two To Tango - Hot Mess Express
Redemption Scripture tells us that all things can be redeemed. Even if in life it seems like there’s no way that’s possible. Redemption in personal relationships, however, is a bit trickier. When relationships go south, 99.9% of the time no single party is at fault. It’s usually that same percentage in fractured relationships where one party refuses to see or admit their part. This makes redemption impossible. For relationships to be redeemed, both parties have to want it and both parties have to be able to forgive and ask for forgiveness. This is an episode from the archives, when I believed that the redemption of my relationship with my family was just around the corner. The date of this episode is June 2015. In the two years since, I’ve learned to accept the lessons I talked and taught about in this episode. In particular, that redemption has to be a two way street. Without both parties wanting and working at it, any attempt to redeem a relationship comes down to one party sacrificing and minimizing themselves to make the other party happy. It is, in essence, a form of control. If the other party doesn’t move from their position, humble themselves, admit their mistakes, and ask for forgiveness, then all of the softer language is only a form of manipulation. Forgiveness leading to redemption is a two way street. It’s the only way any relationship can ever be truly redeemed.
19 minutes | Apr 8, 2017
Integrity: The Less You Use It, The More You Have - Hot Mess Express
Integrity is defined as: * the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. * the state of being whole and undivided Society today has an integrity deficit. Instead of trading in truths, bullshit and lies are the currency of the times. It doesn’t matter if it’s in relationships, in the workplace, or on the teevee. There is a serious deficit of people who have integrity and are congruent. Nowhere is this more visible than in the political realm. Just today I caught the tail end of an interview with Dr. Gina Loudon. Her brand is built on honesty, truth, and being a psychological, political, and social commentator. Now, according to her bio she’s well educated. Yet in this interview 99% of what came out her mouth was bullshit and lies. Not little ones either. Big, flaming, disproved with 8 seconds on the Google lies. What does this say about her and her brand? What does this say about her expertise? Honestly, what it says is that her brand is not trustworthy and her expertise is a sham. Integrity Breeds Trust There’s an old saying that goes “all a man has is his word” and it’s true. All the awards and accolades you may have earned don’t mean shit if you people can’t trust you. This goes for relationships, in your career, and in building your own brand. While most anyone can bullshit their way to the top, it almost always comes crashing down. The title of this post comes from an old saying my Chief had back when I was in the navy. It is a commentary on being a standup guy and always being truthful. In today’s post truth world it’s especially relevant to be a person of integrity if you want to be a leader. When you have integrity and your congruent with your beliefs, people will look to you as the expert. True leaders have integrity. Con artists have bullshit and lies. Think of the last time someone tried you sell you a bill of goods. Did you feel like you could trust them, go into business with them, hire them, or date them? Probably not. In fact, when they were done you probably rolled your eyes and muttered to yourself what an asshole they were. Mark Twain once said “If you always tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything”. Tell the truth. Be a person of integrity. Always.
22 minutes | Apr 5, 2017
The Titanic Poster On My Wall And Masculinity - Hot Mess Express
When you think of a “manly” movie it’s a pretty safe bet that Titanic doesn’t make the top 50. It’s universally thought of as a “chick flick” with almost no redeeming “manly” qualities about it. Yet when I think of it, I see it as not only a great love story, but Leonardo DiCaprio’s Jack exemplifies a lot of what a man truly is. Titanic starts out with Jack taking hold of his future by winning a card game. The rest of the movie he seeks to prove he’s more than his station in life. Yes, his life ends tragically by freezing to death in the ocean but for a few days he grabs the golden ring. Oh..and while, yes, there was room on the door for both, odds are the wood wasn’t buoyant enough for the weight of two people. I love that movie. In fact, I still own the two cassette VHS version. At one point I even had the framed movie poster hanging in my apartment. Did that make me ‘less of a man’? Hell no. It sure was a hell of a conversation piece, though. A Titanic Declaration The problem with the modern definition of masculinity is it is far too narrow. If something doesn’t fit into the tiny box, it’s considered ‘girly’. Too many men reject things that they like and enjoy because they don’t fit in the box. Quite honestly, that’s a shame. We’re allowing some artificial definition to determine the content and quality of our lives. I love a good movie love story. You’ve Got Mail, Notting Hill, Titanic, and Love Actually are all movies I enjoy. Growing up I was always labeled the ‘sensitive one’. For years I buried my sensitivity to avoid the backhanded compliments about it. Doing so meant I was never comfortable in my own skin. It wasn’t until I embraced that label that I really started coming into my own. Embrace All Of You There’s a line in “The Mask You Wear” that sums up what it means to be a 21st Century Man. Talking about doing things with your kids whatever you do is, by default, masculine. Whether it’s hunting
25 minutes | Mar 29, 2017
The Alpha Male Must Die Before It Kills You - Hot Mess Express
The Alpha Male as the ideal of what masculinity looks like in public needs to die. The days of Don Draper, Archie Bunker, and American Dad are over. In the last 40 years society has progressed so far, so fast, that men, in general, have moved into three camps: * Hypermasculine, uber aggressive men * Men who suppress their masculinity and embrace their femininity * Men in the middle wondering “where the fuck do I fit in?” Hypermasculine alpha males currently dominate male culture. It’s promoted in movies, television, advertising, and in many men’s coaching programs available today. The dominant definition of what it means to ‘be a man’ is defined by phrases like: * grow some balls * don’t be a sissy * don’t cry like a bitch * don’t be so damned sensitive In short, being a ‘real man’ means burying your feelings, reject your feminine side, and don’t have any feelings besides aggression and domination. It’s time to kill this representation of what it means to be a man before it kills us all. Redefining Masculinity Like the Yin-Yang symbol, redefining masculinity must be about balance and about embracing all the parts of you. Trying to live up to an impossible and undesirable standard of hypermasculinity can kill you. Over 6 million men every year report struggling with depression and the demographic with the highest suicide rates is men aged 40-44. Yes, middle aged men have the highest suicide rate by far, accounting for nearly 25% of all suicides. The alpha male ideal is a man who shoulders all the responsibilities of life and ne
24 minutes | Jan 29, 2017
Mrs. Landingham Doesn’t Want To Know You - Hot Mess Express
There’s a scene in the Two Cathedrals episode of the West Wing where we see the first interactions of Mrs. Landingham and a young Jed Bartlet. In the scene, they’re discussing equal pay for women, a taboo topic for the time period, and she’s challenging Jed to challenge his father. Over Jed’s broken down car Mrs. Landingham says: Look at you. You’re a boy king. You’re a foot smarter than the smartest kids in the class. You’re blessed with inspiration. You must know this by now, you must have sensed it. Look, if you think we’re wrong, if you think Mr. Hopkins should honestly get paid more than Mrs. Chadwick, then I respect that. But if you think we’re right, and you won’t speak up ’cause you can’t be bothered, then, God, Jed, I don’t even want to know you. That scene says so much about the world today. It’s easy to profess what you believe, particularly on social media, by sharing pictures, typing ‘Amen’ or what have you. The difficulty comes in those times when it’s time to walk the walk. In times of crisis, people look for those who dare to lead. Now, I know some of my opinions aren’t popular. Life isn’t a popularity contest. It’s about being true to who you are and what you believe. Doing what you believe is hard when times are easy, and crushingly difficult when times are hard. I get that. The question you have to ask yourself is… ….can you live with betraying your principles? How will those who look to you as a leader view you once the dust settles? Will they see someone who stood for what they believed because it was right even if they don’t agree with you? Or will they see someone who sat on the sidelines because speaking up is hard? If you’re not willing to speak up when events challenge the beliefs you profess then “God, Jed, I d
10 minutes | Dec 29, 2016
HME 031: It’s Ok To Be Wrong - Hot Mess Express
Being Wrong Isn’t A Bad Thing In this age of overwhelming ignorance, where people see opinions as being equal, being wrong is seen as something to be ashamed of. Not all opinions are equal and neither are all opinions valid. Sometimes, like the graphic says, you’re just fucking wrong. Yet we live in a world where fewer and fewer people are able to admit it. Nobody knows all things, nor are they an expert in all things. Some of our best learning lessons come from our being horrendously wrong. Owning up to where we’re wrong shows humility and a vulnerability that bridges divides. Only those who are invested in being right all the time would take offense. Abraham Lincoln is quoted as saying “I destroy my enemies by making them into friends”. This saying isn’t just about being friendly with those who hate you, but about being able to admit you held an incorrect belief about them. We’ve all either gained or given bad first impressions in our lifetime. Perhaps it was a bad day, you or they were struggling with something, or maybe you were just distracted at the time. It’s easy to come off being rude. It’s even easier to attribute your impression of someone else’s rudeness as being part of their personality. Be Wrong. Be Vulnerable. In order to bridge divides and to build solid relationships, you have to be vulnerable. Nobody likes to feel vulnerable. Yet it’s sometimes the only way to diffuse a tense situation. Vulnerability can lower the other person’s defenses and help bring about true understanding. So, the next time you’re wrong, just admit it. Don’t offer an explanation unless it’s asked for and don’t try to justify it. Just admit it. You’ll be amazed at how much healthier your relationships are and how much more productive conversations can be. [Tweet theme=”tweet-box-normal-blue”]Sometimes you’re just f*cking wrong.[/Tweet] Subscribe To The Hot Mess Express iTunes Stitcher Tune.In Player.FM
17 minutes | Dec 15, 2016
HME 030: The $40K Screwjob - Hot Mess Express
A $40,000 Screwjob Yep. A screwjob. A little over 3 years ago I did the right thing and it ended up costing me, well my insurance company, $40,000. So, what do you do when doing the right thing ends up screwing you? Simple. You continue to do the right thing. There’s a saying that can be applied here: [Tweet theme=”tweet-box-normal-blue”]No good deed goes unpunished. #FML http://bit.ly/2gQNySM [/Tweet] We’ve all faced this in our lives. Confronted with a situation where you either do the right thing or possibly get away with NOT doing the right thing, you choose to do the right thing. And you end up getting screwed. Oscar Wilde sure is a wise man and he sure knew what he was talking about. In the end, however, we all have to live with your choices and we all have to look at ourselves in the mirror every morning. The question is then, who do you want to see? Do you want to see someone who does the right thing even when nobody is watching or someone who doesn’t when nobody is watching? Personally, I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and not have to feel ashamed. So, 3 years ago, after a very minor fender bender, I did the right thing. Even though the other person was completely unaware that I had bumped into her. This person ended up taking advantage of the incident and pulled a screwjob on my insurance company to the tune of $40,000. Your character is defined by what you do when nobody is watching. Some say the ends justify the means, but I say that is the beginning of a very dark path. It leads to the rejection of all morals and the justification of ANY means to bring about the desired end. What you do is your karma, what others do is theirs. Subscribe To The Hot Mess Express iTunes Stitcher Tune.In Player.FM
14 minutes | Dec 7, 2016
HME 029: It’s All About Perspective - Hot Mess Express
Your Perspective Creates Your Reality From an outsider’s perspective, and by all objective measures, my 2016 should go down as a world record sized shit sandwich. Between the seemingly never ending challenges with my family, the late year financial crunch, the dumpster fire of an election, and the stress and anxiety that came with it…I should be swimming in the bottom of a bottle of booze. Yet here it is, December, 3 weeks left in this year, and I am absolutely stoked and grateful for every single thing that’s happened this year. Yes, there have been challenging times, there are goals I didn’t reach, and there are plenty of failures and flops that left me beaten and bruised. I’m still standing strong and, as I reflect on everything that’s happened in the last 12 months, I realize I have made some kick ass progress…. I’ve learned a ton, experienced a bunch, and collected some incredible memories along the way. You see, folks, it’s all about perspective. You hear all the time that gratitude is everything, and it is. It absolutely is everything. Living with a sense of gratitude makes dealing with the dark times a bit easier. Your perspective is everything because what you focus on, you get more of. Focusing only on the bad things will bring you more bad things. Meanwhile focusing on the good things will bring you more good things. I know it all sounds kinda woo-woo, and there was a time when I didn’t believe it myself. Yet here I am, bruised and bloody, and still standing strong. Not only have I survived this year, I’ve grown and become much stronger. If I can survive this year, so can you. So finish out the year reflecting on all the awesome shit you’ve accomplished this year. Take stock of all you’ve learned and all you’ve experienced. Set your intention on where you want to go and what path you want to take. Do this, and 2017 won’t know what hit it. Subscribe To The Hot Mess Express Click HERE to subscribe on iTunes Click HERE to subscribe on Tune.In Click HERE to subscribe on Player.FM
14 minutes | Nov 13, 2016
Lessons From The Election – Get Skin In The Game - Hot Mess Express
Thankfully the shitshow that was the 2016 American Presidential Election has ended. While the results are unexpected and, to many, disappointing, many things have become clear. One major thing is that there is an entire generation that, while heavily invested in the outcome, weren’t up to putting some skin in the game. Our society has […]The post Lessons From The Election – Get Skin In The Game appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
13 minutes | Oct 23, 2016
Hot Mess Express 027 – Be The Expert - Hot Mess Express
One of the most common pieces of advice I’ve given over the last few years is this. If you want to be the expert, then be the expert. I also say that the key to being the expert lies in your being confident. Back when I was in the Navy, my adviser gave me the […]The post Hot Mess Express 027 – Be The Expert appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
19 minutes | Sep 20, 2016
026 – Where Have All The Boundaries Gone? - Hot Mess Express
In today’s instant communication, social media driven world, it seems that boundaries have become a thing of the past. We’ve lost the ability to set personal boundaries for discerning what’s for public consumption. People feel empowered to upload their thoughts and opinions on everything and even use social media to publicly shame others as a way to […]The post 026 – Where Have All The Boundaries Gone? appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
18 minutes | Aug 28, 2016
Colin Kaepernick – Hot Mess Or Hero? - Hot Mess Express
In the last 24 hours, Colin Kaepernick has become the whipping boy for a good portion of America. What what his crime? Not standing for the National Anthem. That’s it. When the anthem was played at this weekend’s San Francisco 49ers preseason game, Kaepernick found a spot among the Gatorade coolers and sat quietly. Judging […]The post Colin Kaepernick – Hot Mess Or Hero? appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
22 minutes | Aug 26, 2016
How @samueladamsbeer Won A Customer For Life - Hot Mess Express
In the span of about 60 hours this week, I had two distinctly different customer service experiences. One experience ended up ensuring they had a customer for life, while the other ensured they’d lost a customer forever. On Wednesday this week, my oldest daughter and I went to dinner at a local TGIFriday;s. Now, I […]The post How @samueladamsbeer Won A Customer For Life appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
14 minutes | Aug 22, 2016
You Are A Badass Unicorn…So Act Like It! - Hot Mess Express
You are a badass unicorn. There is nobody on this planet that is you-er than you and not one single soul will use your unique talents and gifts the way that you do. So, why do you spend your time begging you and everyone else around you to think that you’re a loser? Self deprecating […]The post You Are A Badass Unicorn…So Act Like It! appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
9 minutes | Aug 17, 2016
HME 22 – Your Inner Child Is A Dumbass - Hot Mess Express
Your Inner Child Is A Dumbass A serious dumbass. Think back to all the things you did as a kid, and soon you’ll realize what a dumbass you really were. Curious? Yes. Playful? Yes. And in a lot of ways, dumber than shit. When I was a kid I didn’t realize you shouldn’t unscrew an […]The post HME 22 – Your Inner Child Is A Dumbass appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
13 minutes | Aug 17, 2016
HME 21 – Tony Robbins Says ‘Blame Elegantly’ - Hot Mess Express
Blame Elegantly Blame. It’s the great excuse maker. It’s so simple to point your fingers at other people, other circumstances, and blame them for your life sucking the way it does. Blaming absolves you of taking responsibility for having made the crap decisions that brought you to this point. This weekend, I watched the Tony […]The post HME 21 – Tony Robbins Says ‘Blame Elegantly’ appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
12 minutes | Aug 17, 2016
HME 20 – Nostalgia Is A Seductive Liar - Hot Mess Express
Nostalgia Is A Bitch Nostalgia is a seductive liar that smooths all the rough edges of your past. Do you ever look back on your past memories and longingly wish things could ‘be like they used to be’? Do you wish you could rekindle an old relationship because you’re sure they were ‘the one that got […]The post HME 20 – Nostalgia Is A Seductive Liar appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
23 minutes | Apr 27, 2016
Depression Is A Bitch - Hot Mess Express
Every year, over 6 million men suffer from depression. Even so, it’s still one of those things that we just don’t talk about enough. Too many men struggle year in and year out in silence because society has taught us to believe that if we admit we’re struggling, we’re some how less of a man. As […]The post Depression Is A Bitch appeared first on Second Life Coaching.
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