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Thank you, Bachelor in Paradise. We finally got to see Jordan flinging that giant stuffed dog into the ocean. It's bigger, better stuffed dog that David just magically got ahold of and gave to Jenna. Colleen and Jess cover Jordan's ensuing meltdown, Chris RanDON'T's gaslighting ways, and Leo's entrance, which puts Kendall and Grocery Store Joe's budding relationship in jeopardy. Then Colleen recaps Below Deck Mediterranean, where the love triangle that is Joao, Brooke, and Kasey keeps getting messier.

Bachelor in Paradise never fails to disappoint Colleen and Jess, what with its highly focused look at the many sociopaths who now occupy LA. The ladies examine each blossoming couple and heavily mock David.  They then delve into Below Deck Mediterranean, in which the cast further devolves as Hannah and Joao continue to argue and wreak havoc on the other yachties. 

The unthinkable happened on The Bachelorette: of course, Becca picks Garrett. Colleen and Jess rip their terrible public statements to shreds, and delve into Becca's further terrible responses about Lincoln and Leo. Can't we have anything nice?  At least Bachelor in Paradise starts out okay. Jess and Colleen reveal who they would pursue this season and revel in the Tia and Colton drama.  Below Deck Mediterranean continues to provide the love-triangle drama we all crave. 

Colleen and Jess want to personally thank Jordan Kimball for making The Men Tell All bearable and, dare we say, enjoyable? His takedowns are as legendary as his golden "underpants." After dissecting TMTA, the ladies veer off to Below Deck Mediterranean, and get into Hannah and Conrad fighting over a carton of cigarettes. You know you're fancy when your relationship explodes over a carton of cigarettes.

After The Bachelorette's Becca Kufrin sends Jason home to keep racist, homophobic, transphobic, and anti-feminist Garrett, Colleen and Jess lose it. Then they talk about Below Deck Mediterranean. 

Bachelor Nation watched in horror this week as one of the Hometown dates crashed and burned, and we got another surprise visit from Becca's former cast mates. But more importantly, Colleen and Jess have fallen in love with The Bachelorette's Jason. He's dreamy (but his hair could use some help).  Then they move onto another insane love triangle on Below Deck Mediterranean. 

As The Bachelorette Becca Kufrin narrows down the competition to four, going into Hometowns, Colton drops his virginity bomb and the Internet has a field day with it (so do Colleen and Jess).  Below Deck Mediterranean gets even messier as the cast hooks up and forms more relationships and rivalries. 

There's a Vanderpump Rules shakeup blowing up on Instagram over a Girls Night In event at Sur, and Colleen and Jess have all the details. It's Billie vs. Jax, Stassi, Kristen, and Tom Schwartz, and things got ugly. Was Billie Lee being melodramatic or was she right to feel hurt and angry?  Bachelorette Becca has narrowed the group down to her Final Six, and Colleen and Jess couldn't be happier to see human filth Chris and Lincoln packing their bags. Finally, Jersey Shore Family Vacation ends on a pretty anticlimactic note, but an explosive fight between Ronnie and Jenn will make Season 2 very interesting.

Lord Chris Harrison has really done it on this season of The Bachelorette. Colleen and Jess talk about all the drama surrounding Becca's guys, their unhinged behavior, and our one saving grace: Wills.  They also congratulate Mike "The Situation Sorrentino" and Lauren for their adorable engagement on Jersey Shore Family Vacation!  Finally, they catch up on Below Deck Mediterranean's hijinks, including Hannah and Conrad's budding romance.  

With three episodes of The Bachelorette down, the garbage-folk on Becca Kufrin's season have really started coming out of the woodwork, much to the delight of Colleen and Jess. They discuss the bizarre, shocking, and downright problematic behavior of the men and make their predictions of who will make it to the final rose.  Meanwhile, Jersey Shore Family Vacation continues to be a nonstop fun factory, and Colleen and Jess cover Angelina's return and the family's prep for The Situation's engagement.  Finally, they discuss the v disappointing news from the Vanderpump Rules world. 

In this mini episode, we give "Jax Taylor" the Psychopath Test to find out if he can be clinically classified as a psychopath. Then we read a transcript of the sociopath test Stassi Schroeder gave Jax on her podcast. 

In this mini episode, Jess and Colleen look at The Bachelorette contestant bios to see if any of Becca's new suitors seem worthy. The colognoisseur is not promising, Joe Mariano, of the Grocery Store Marianos, is. (Yes, they know the first episode has already premiered, but they're on vacation, baybee). They also discuss some updates that have been happening in the Bachelor world, including how Jared and Ashley I. are officially boning a lot now.  

In Episode 11 of Holy Shit Did You Watch?!, Colleen and Jess talk Below Deck Mediterranean, Jersey Shore Family Vacation, and the Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 3. They're still wondering why the Jersey Shore fam was unable to find DJ Pauly D a date, and want him to know that they'll totally date him. 

In episode 10 of Holy Shit Did You Watch?!, Colleen and Jess venture into new reality-TV territory with Below Deck Mediterranean, which might as well be a factory for righteous anger directed at rich, entitled idiots. So obvi, they tear four nightmare yacht guests to shreds. Jersey Shore Family Vacation gets rocked by Ronnie Ortiz-Magro's baby-mama Jen, who is the most beautiful pregnant woman ever.  Finally, they dig into the Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 2, which is overall anticlimactic, but filled with fun little gems like the fact that DJ James Kennedy lives with his sugar daddy.   

Colleen and Jess dive into the juiciest annual reality TV event: the Vanderpump Rules Reunion. They answer all the important questions inquiring minds want to know: Were Jax Taylor's tears real? Do you think he can truly change? Why does Lala Kent call Randall Emmett's private jet her PJ? Did Scheana Marie really send Jax that text so he could read how sorry she was over and over?  Onto Jersey Shore Family Vacation, they debrief about Ronnie Ortiz-Magro's totally ridiculous and unnecessary phone conversation with his baby mama.

Every year, it's a cruel reality that Vanderpump Rules must come to an end, so Colleen and Jess mourn the loss of their favorite reality TV show (for now) and how actually anti-climactic the finale was (we know Jax Taylor isn't ACTUALLY leaving, come on, Bravo). They also debrief on Ronnie Ortiz-Magro's scandalous behavior and subsequent public meltdown. 

On episode 7 of Holy Shit Did You Watch?!, Jess and Colleen are forced to relive the heinous behavior of Jersey Shore's Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Vanderpump Rules's Jax Taylor, which begs the question, "Who is worse: Ronnie or Jax?" They also celebrate Lala's debut performance and new gift from Lisa Vanderpump.

In Holy Shit Did You Watch?! Episode 6, Colleen and Jess open on Jersey Shore Family Vacation to find that some house members have matured more than others (hint: it's not "Snooki" or Rob). They then dig deep into the Vanderpump Rules insanity that is Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright breaking up. Why can't it be real, Lord Bravo?

In episode six of Holy Shit Did You Watch?!, Colleen and Jess catch up with the Vanderpump Rules cast in Mexico and agonize over the question, "Did Kristen Doute and DJ James Kennedy hook up?" Who is to blame for why we don't have answers? Back in West Hollywood, we're subjected to Scheananigans. We pay respects to reality TV royalty, the cast of Jersey Shore, and their Jersey Shore Family Vacation triumph. And then, the Summer House finale was ... mostly boring. 

In Holy Shit Did you Watch?! episode five, Colleen and Jess address the milk-and-honey substance in the room: Lala Kent's bubbie. They also dig deep as the Vanderpump Rules cast inexplicably head to Playa del Carmen to celebrate Jax Taylor's birthday again, Jax's dream job, Tom Schwartz's rampant alcoholism, and Lisa's super quality cooking. Plus, the Summer House cast sends it and LOVES rosé.