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It’s episode 200!!!! We’ve been doing this for 200 years. Jimmy is alive. Happy Birthday Stinkers. Build A Bear has gone too far. Pay attention to the messages the universe sends you and don’t forget your kegals. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Did your family swim in garbage cans?  RSV is terrifying. Dnt throw away cookies and try not to pee your pants.  Everyone’s info is on the internet and if you have it in you, be a Dom.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Happy New Year!! Don’t pawn your family’s decorations for meth. Crystal was a really bad child. Girl you know it’s true is a timeless classic. Apologize in your partner’s love language! Being a woman is really risky. Movies from the 90s can be pretty great. Pata Fria is sensitive to criticism and mean parents get softer with age. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Welcome to the dysfunction, Crystal’s brain has fun commercials on loop. Please don’t put Pata Fria on the spot about a tip. Christmas was different for everyone this year, but let’s keep it cozy as long as possible. RIP to our HD family member Rahni 🖤 Try to stay loose if you’re in an accident and ask Crystal to show you her new sweats!  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Pata Fria is really sick. Crystal has identified the local pervert. Spread kindness whenever you can and school is really a scam. Power really changes people and Crystal’s hypothetical questions are ENDLESS! Check out this week’s sponsors! BetterHelp  Professional online therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners! For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off.  Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners!  Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Pata Fria is sick. It’s a painful sick.  Don’t ask people if they just woke up.  Keep an eye out for the local serial masturbator. If your burps stink please stay home.  Sick dreams have been so fun and Suga Free is cancelled.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off.  Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners!  Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria2 Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

We’re back after a week of chaos!  Please provide others with the type of service you’d like to receive. Pata Fria finally got her tree up. Vaginal issues feel like bad karma and cartel videos are great.  Crystal had a visitor, Peez is cussing, grave robbing isn’t always bad and don’t accept bad treatment from anyone, not even family. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off.  Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners!  Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria2 Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

We’re back and better than ever!  We love men who cry, break ups are embarrassing, we love meeting listeners and don’t lie about sleeping with people.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Gladskin Gladskin is a product that works with your skin’s natural bacteria to soothe and resolve eczema, rosacea, acne and other skin irritations. Steroid-free and non-toxic, safe enough to also use on baby.  Right now our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping (we love that) at gladskin.com with discount code HELLODYSFUNCTION. That’s Gladskin.com/hellodysfunction   Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria2  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Starting out with a little ASMR. They aren’t called “windmeals”. You gotta be a little well off to really enjoy Disney. Childhood makes you the person you’ll be. Nightmares have been really rude lately and unnecessary details are Crystal’s favorite.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • Gladskin Gladskin is a product that works with your skin’s natural bacteria to soothe and resolve eczema, rosacea, acne and other skin irritations. Steroid-free and non-toxic, safe enough to also use on baby.  Right now our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping (we love that) at gladskin.com with discount code HELLODYSFUNCTION. That’s Gladskin.com/hellodysfunction   Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria2  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Welcome to episode 191  Peez swings on everyone, genetics are crazy and we’re slowly becoming our moms. Don’t send illegal things thru the mail, Crystal has very sexual recipes and it’s so cute when you let kids dress themselves.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off.  Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners!  Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria2 Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Peez introduced this episode, Crystal serenaded our intro, Toto is timeless and Pata Fria might be drunk. There’s a new Damato in the gang, 80’s Cabbage Patch Kids are the current obsession and we got some things to celebrate!!!! War times are getting intense, don’t make a joke of adrenochrome, iron lungs are crazy and Grandmacore is not what it sounds like.  Check out this week’s sponsors! • Gladskin Gladskin is a product that works with your skin’s natural bacteria to soothe and resolve eczema, rosacea, acne and other skin irritations. Steroid-free and non-toxic, safe enough to also use on baby.  Right now our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping (we love that) at gladskin.com with discount code HELLODYSFUNCTION. That’s Gladskin.com/hellodysfunction   • THE Commercial Break!  Two long time best friends Bryan and Krissy get together each Monday Wednesday and Friday to discuss life, love and the pursuit of absurdity.  Sinister ministers, ridiculous MLM companies, alien light language, TV dating shows, monster hunters, terrible psychic readings and more!  The Commercial Break hosts use their unlikely friendship and personal life stories as a backdrop to discuss some the insane topics and trends from around the globe.  THE Commercial Break is available wherever you find your favorite podcasts or you can visit TCBpodcast.com .Thats TCBpodcast.com or go to YouTube.com / THEcommercialbreak  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria2  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Welcome. This is not a scam.  Knees are getting injured left and right, Peez had a meltdown in front of the paramedics and Mexican pizzas have been subpar.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO BEST FRIEND ENERGY Looking for your next podcast obsession? You'll be sure to find it on the new weekly chat series: BEST FRIEND ENERGY with hosts Clea Shearer and Joanna Teplin of The Home Edit. On BEST FRIEND ENERGY you get to know Clea and Joanna even better than before--you become a part of their inner circle! Their friendship and business began with a single text and now has them organizing celebrity homes, traveling the world and laughing every step of the way. From Sony Music Entertainment, Hello Sunshine, The Home Edit and Somethin' Else, listen and follow Best Friend Energy wherever you get your podcasts. Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria2  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Send us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction.com or submit to hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

It’s our anniversary.  Familial masturbation is awkward.  Pata Fria’s ghost is jealous again.  The wedding was beautiful and Crystal beat a ticket!  Be grateful for everything, even the hard lessons. Carolyn needs a phony inspection. Dreams are getting crazy and we have serial killers.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off.  Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners!  Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria2  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

If you don’t like us, we feel you. Pata Fria was given a defective vagina, Crystal used to love morning after pills and there’s a fine line between subtle enhancements and full on transformation. Crystal lasered herself a new face and loved telling everyone all about it.  Men flirting is really cringe. Sexual dysfunction is stressful and Crystal is NOT from Steel Magnolias. For bonus content and additional episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/patafria.again  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Pata Fria is a bio hacker.  Roasting yourself is empowering!  Bring back pink popcorn, more lavender foods and bad moms are a popular theme this week.  It’s Latinx heritage month! Scarface is cancelled and don’t give your child a ridiculous name.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off.  Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners!  Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Happy Birthday Peez!!  Hers a big girl and is already acting like it.  The Queen has passed. Now return the stolen artifacts. We’ve been having record breaking temperatures, don’t share my goodbye letter and tape your mouth shut.  Check out this week’s sponsors!   • BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • Gladskin Gladskin is a product that works with your skin’s natural bacteria to soothe and resolve eczema, rosacea, acne and other skin irritations. Steroid-free and non-toxic, safe enough to also use on baby.  Right now our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping (we love that) at gladskin.com with discount code HELLODYSFUNCTION. That’s Gladskin.com/hellodysfunction   Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

CHREEEEEEEES!!  We feel sick. Crystal is a woodworker. Don’t sleep with your dead pets and Pata Fria is opening a Montessori school.  Be patient with your neurodivergent partners and learn your love/apology languages.  Forgiveness develops with time. Growing up in the 90s was so incredibly toxic and have you made a virginity promise to your dad?  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

The kids are back to school and bringing home germs, yay! Crystal is a contractor specializing in residential renovations. The local Starbucks needs to train their employees on proper protocol.  Bukk is here. Beater Boys. Please keep your pets away from onions and garlic!!  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off.  Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners!  Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com 

Happy Birthday Crystal!!! Camping was a shit show, trouble follows us everywhere and influencer drama has us in a chokehold.  Reviewing some unnecessary write ins, not the good kind.  Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria  Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com