29 minutes | Jul 27th 2019

HTB 024: The Key To Life And Business Optimization...

DESCRIPTION       In today’s episode you will hear the key to life and business optimization. You’ll understand what you need to do first before you do anything.  Here are some of the awesome things you will hear in this episode: Find out how all the other tools or strategies for optimization won’t work without implementing this one step first. Find out how to raise your income level and understand why so many entrepreneurs hit an income ceiling. Learn how to take part in community to help you stay on track and continue to make progress. --Transcript-- What’s up my friends, Satori Mateu here and welcome to a brand new episode of Halfass to Badass. Today, we are going to talk about one of the most challenging, most questioned, and most provocative topics I see clients and their families, and business owners struggle with and I believe it's the one thing that runs everything you do.  Today’s topic controls your beliefs, your perspectives, your focus and therefore, how you run your business, how you care for your family and whether you’re rich or broke. It literally filters everything you do and controls the impact you have. Your health, and your fulfillment hinges of you of you taking command of this area. Have I kept you in enough suspense? Good What we’re talking about today is to own, truly own, your dark side. The question then becomes, of course, what is the dark side? So let's talk about first, what it's not.  It's not bad. It's not ugly. It's not wrong. It's not all those things you've been taught it may be. It's not something to move away from, but rather, something you want to move towards. Something you want to embrace. Because, this is where your true desires, your true dreams, your wants... live.  Your secrets live here and so does your inspiration. More about that in a moment. Your instincts live here. Your imagination lives on the dark side. Your nature lives on your dark side. Your wildness, your spontaneity, your boldness, your loudness, your life force, your ruthlessness, your relentlessness, your persistence, your power, and your love lives in your dark side. Let me clarify what I mean when I say your love lives there.  Your genuine care for other human beings live there. This is not the manipulative you trying to get attention. This is not the pretend stuff. Not the fake friendliness. Not that politeness, and fakeness which is not you, anyway.  Think about that. When you're being polite, you're not being you. You’re trying to be something other than yourself. You’re trying to be something others want you to be. You're trying to placate and appease others. You're trying to do something so people will like you, respect you, appreciate you. It's a buying of love and affection, of respect or whatever you want to call it, but it's not you when you're being polite. That’s a mask. It’s prostitution. And we’ve all done it. Do you know what I’m saying? Hope you do because this is a critical understanding if you want to build a successful and fulfilling life, business, marriage or be an influential leader of any kind.  I remember being a kid tippy-toeing. I remember being an adult tippy-toeing. I remember that feeling of talking to a client and being care-ful, rather than care-ing, working really hard to not say the wrong thing, to not make them annoyed, or disappointed.  Listen, everything that’s part of your dark side, you’re hiding, you were taught to hide. You were taught it was bad, which is why you’re hiding it to begin with. Are you following? I think if you stop for a moment and become aware you can feel when you’ve said yes to something just to appease someone. It’s so nauseating and crippling because it’s not you. Are you with me? It’s some contrived version of you. It’s just inauthentic. And you’ll never feel in alignment with yourself and your highest values when you do. Again, I’m not talking about genuinely wanting to do something for someone. Wanting to care. That’s different. Your genuine love, your genuine caring, your authentic love lives in the dark side. The real you, not what you've been taught and conditioned by society or maybe your parents, lives there. The unpostured and unmasked you. Yeah, is this cool stuff? Now, the problem here is you've learned to shut that down, to minimize your nature. You've learned to tippy-toe, to apologize, so that people will like you, approve of you and feel comfortable around you. It’s been indoctrinated and conditioned into your very core since you were a kid.  “Be nice. Be good. Say thank you. Be polite. Be respectful. Smile. Be happy. You’re such a good boy. You’re such a good girl. You make mommy and daddy so happy.” Or just reverse it… “Don’t say that. Don’t do that. Don’t ask so many questions. Just do what I tell you to do boy. Don’t question mommy or daddy because they always know best.” Don’t question authority. That’s how we are trained. You and I were trained to fit in. We were trained to please others and to live into their values and not make them uncomfortable. So I know it could be hard to strip away the mask and be you. How do you be you without it? I will have to dedicate an episode just for that. Today we’ll open up the eyes for it and give you something actionable to start making the shift. How do you do fit in? You do that by playing small, by not standing out, by trying to fit in. This is what you've learned your whole life. It's been like a requirement in order to receive love, to receive appreciation, and to receive the respect of your peers; of your family, your friends, and your clients. It's the place where you've been going for your survival. That's not the place to live or thrive. If you’re thinking, “I don’t do that.” Stop and ask yourself, “Where do I do that?” Because we all do to some degree, and I just want you to notice where and when you do so can free yourself from it. If you feel uncomfortable even hearing me talk about this, I get it. If you feel any resistance to what I’m saying I get it. Because your whole life you’ve been trained to not go against the grain. It’s natural. It’s normal. It’s what you know. But it’s also what makes you empty, unfulfilled, stressed out, overwhelmed and stuck. It’s what fuels perfectionism. I’m not talking about growth. I’m talking about the addiction of perfectionism. The constant futile chase for praise and acceptance, which just makes the gap bigger and bigger the more you try to fill the emptiness. I remember doing that with the people I admired. I did it most of my life; I would put them on a pedestal. Teachers, coaches, business icons, certain clients. I did it with my wife when I first met her. Most of us have done it so repeatedly, that it’s automatic and we pay no attention to it.  This is not the place where we’re sharing and expressing our true gifts. Now of course, we’re smart, we don’t do things that doesn’t bring us some sort of benefit, some kind of pleasure, right? So happens when you don't own your dark side? You get the illusion of people liking you. At least, it looks like it on the surface. They're not liking you. They don’t even know you. All they know is your facade, your mask! You know what else? They're liking that you're doing and fulfilling their wants and desires, but for many people, if you didn't do that, they may not like you and they may not be so nice to you.  Disowning your dark side, is actually not a service to them. It's a disservice, because they don't even get to know you, and they’re stuck living in their fake little bubble. Not good. Not good at all. So you'll have less enemies. You'll push less buttons. You're keeping homeostasis, so to speak, but nothing changes. You have no real impact on the world. You won't make any real money by doing that, because you won't stand out. You'll be part of the mediocre, the average person, so you won't be remembered. And if we’re talking about having an intimate relationship, it will be shallow at best, and parenting? Hmm fueled by disappointments on both sides. This is the consequence of not embracing all of you. People will guilt and shame you for not behaving the way you should behave. This is what humans have learned to do to control and manipulate other humans since the beginning of time. And it’s still happening. Why does this matter? Because you want to be a free human being. You want to be able to be fully and boldly you and never try to be anything else or anyone else. And not have to apologize for it. Just recently at the Golden Globes Award in Beverly Hills they were promoting flu shots. So they walked around all the celebrities and campaigning for people to get their flu shot. It was a very awkward moment and many celebrities looked very uncomfortable.  Why am I sharing this? Because this is an example of shaming and pointing people out who are different or acting different than what is being promoted. They said, “Hey if you’re anti vaccines just put a yellow napkin on your head and we’ll know who you are. Companies, Government, society, the news use it all the time to control our behavior, control our focus.  It’s time you own you. All of you. If you don’t you’ll just minimize your true nature which means you will never get paid your worth. Your business won’t grow at the level you want and how are you ever going to have an edge? People are not going to pay you for something that is not special, that doesn’t stand out. And the people who care about you, like I do, we want to experience your real genius. Even when I say that, you probably thinking, “Well, I'm not a genius”. Well, how do you know that? Who told you that? You can't really help and serve your clients or your family, if you don't own your work, if you don't own your dark side, because they won't get to the real you, the best of you.  All they get is a muted versio
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