HTB 013: What Should You Do...?
DESCRIPTION In today’s episode you will hear what happens when a famous personal development guru hides his identity. You’ll also understand how the “shoulds” in your life crushes your success and fulfillment. Here are some of the awesome things you will hear in this episode: Find out the what NEVER to do if you want real success. Find out how what you can ALWAYS count on people doing. And see how Satori reveals what to look out for when going for the next level. So listen here to find out how Satori coaches the best and how you can have an opportunity to apply and talk directly to Satori about creating badass results in your life and business. What does it mean to live life on your terms? To have the life you want? The business you want? The marriage you want? The health you want? Can you really be fulfilled without it? Hey what’s up my friends, Satori Mateu here and welcome to a new episode of Halfass to Badass! Good morning, good evening, good afternoon, whenever you’re listening… Let me ask you, what does it mean when you say, I should do X I should do Y I should do Z? If you live in the world of, “I should do X” meaning, I should be a better husband I should be a better wife, I should a better mom, dad, I should be a better leader, I should eat better, I should workout, I should work harder, I should be a better marketer, I should love sales I should be a better “whatever”. I means, you're not living according to your values, according to your standards. According to what YOU want your life, your business your health to be about. What it really means...you’re living in reaction to other people’s demands and expectations. That my friend, will never leave you fulfilled, never give you the life you want. It will always leave you unfulfilled, unsatisfied and empty. Think about it...People will always tell you what you should do, how you should live, what you should focus on, what you should pay attention to, how you should run your business, where you should live, What kind of partner you should be. How you should parent. what you should think, feel, or behave like. People will should all over you. And I know you do that to yourself as well. People don’t do that because they’re mean, a lot of times they are well meaning people. But a lot of times people do that because they want you to live according to THEIR values, based on what THEY have learned is the right or wrong way to live, to think, to do business, to take care of of your family. Sometimes you believe that s*** because you believe it's the right thing, because you don't know clearly what you stand for what you want. And you believe, if I do these things, I'll receive the appreciation, the respect, the acknowledgements from my your peers, my family, my friends. People will love me. That's just not true. They’ll be happy, satisfied, there may not be friction, because you’re doing or behaving according to their blueprint. So, you may feel appreciated for a moment, but it’s not real. You’re not living your version of your life. You’re a puppet. If that pushes some of your buttons. Good! I don’t want you to sit here passively and unmoved. What a waste, right? Listen, stay with me. This is for you. A lot of our clients who come to us have done a lot of personal development work, they have invested a lot time, energy and money both into their personal growth as well as their business growth, hired the gurus, right? And they followed the step. But still something is missing, they're not achieving what they want. I don’t want that for you. Understanding something conceptually is great, but it’s not the same as living it or being it. I was speaking to a new client the other day, she’s a successful entrepreneur, a mom of three girls and her husband has a successful business of his own. But she’s struggling because she knows she has so much more to give, she’s reached a certain level of success and now she’s stuck trying to figure out her next level. And she says, “I've spent all this money on courses, seminars, conferences. I’ve done a lot of personal development work, hired business coaches and, I’ve even joined high level masterminds where I’ve paid $25,000...” I said, “Stop. You haven’t gotten the results you were after, you feel disappointed, you’re frustrated, you’re still stuck, you’re overwhelmed and your spouse thinks you wasted your money.” She starts laughing, “I guess this is not the first time you hear this?” “That’s right. They sold you the fantasy that you were going to hang out with this great group of people, (which I’m sure they were) that were just like you and that the “guru” the person selling you on this program was going to hang out with you, teach you their secrets, that you were going to rub shoulders with millionaires and that your life was going to be totally different. I get it.” I said, “I know. I understand. And a lot of times they puff themselves up (overvalue themselves), meaning charge a lot more than the value they provide. Which really means, the fantasy they sold you and what they actually deliver, doesn’t match. I get it. It happens. It doesn’t mean that everything and everyone out there is bad. That’s not what I’m saying. There are some amazing teachers out there. But you gotta be selective. “Here’s the thing”, I told her,”If you listen to anybody telling you what you ‘should’ do, and don't think for yourself (and align with what matters to you), you’re going to spend years trying to achieve something they want, instead of achieving something you want to achieve. I’m going save you years of struggle and frustration, of pain, by getting you clear, first on what powers YOU up. Who cares about what powers me up, that’s not going to change your life. We need to understand, truly understand your real core values, and in order to do that we’re going to need to unlearn who you “think” you should be, or outha be. Because with all the success you’ve already achieved there’s a major gap between what you show the world and who you are when you are alone. Even that version of you (the alone version) is not clear of the truth, is this making sense?.” She’s like, “What do you mean?” “Well, the version of you even in your darkest moments, is based on a bunch of lies and expectations you have on yourself, that you’ve learned, based on how you think you “should be like” or “must” be like to be worthy of the love, appreciation, or respect around you. That’s why you’ve been carrying around the mask for so long. So even when you try to analyze yourself (which I can tell is exhausting to you) you don’t who you are. And how could you know, right? You’ve been told all your life how you “should be” How you should think and feel and behave. Right? How you should run your business, how you should parent your girls. And if it’s not your family and friends, society, social media, the news, the government will be quick to tell you. Are you with me?” “Yeah, I have a lot I want to accomplish in my life, I have big vision. I’m passionate. I don’t want to be stuck anymore. I want my husband to support me. I don’t want to be in a battle feeling like a bad mom or wife, that I have to sacrifice one or the other.” “Yeah of course you don’t. Which is why we have to take control, take command of all those overwhelming pieces that are just looping in your head.Our first step here is for you to evaluate what to focus on, where you get your information, who you need to bring into your life (and save you decades of struggle) which is why you hired me, and we need to clarify and understand what YOU want to create and build, what really matters to you and what’s going to fuel your fire without all the should’s.” Our first week working together was all about unlearning, unwiring all the crap, all the shoulds she had been driving herself nuts with for a lifetime. (Things she didn’t do anyways, but thought she had to). Are you getting this? Let me ask you, what are the things you think you, “should” do or “oughta” do or “have” to do that drives you nuts, overwhelms you, that stresses you out and that you’re still not doing?! But you think you “should”. Or if you’re doing it, you hate it? It doesn’t give you energy, it drains your energy? Slows you down. Maybe you don’t even know why you’re still doing it. Are you following this? When we remove the facade of how you appear to the world and uncover the version of you that you feel aligned with, this is when you become unshakeable, this is when your badass life is even possible. There are so many leaders, so many presenters, thought leaders, experts, entrepreneurs who have a built an identity in the world of how they “have” to show up and so they have this massive inner conflict because they feel like a fraud. Their whole persona is built on being, “Mr or Mrs, “Success” so when they go home to their families, they have to deal with this other person who is aggressive, emotionally unstable, and this my friend, creates conflicts and destroys families. And it doesn’t have to be this way. I was working with a very big personality, a very famous and successful personal development and business guru. And on stage he was always portraying this flawless personality but behind closed doors he was explosive and hot tempered. He would lose his shit on his family. Then he felt guilt, shame. Judged himself. And it created a lot of friction. This is not unusual. It’s very common. The problem is not the actual behavior is that he felt forced to hide it. All this shame around it, “What are people going to think about me? I should be this kinda well put together successful person that everyone sees. But I’m not.” All this internal turmoil and conflict. Once we started closing the gap of thi