HTB 008: Seducer Or Closer?
In today’s episode you will hear why so many of us fail to achieve what we want. You’ll also understand why we end up with halfass results and mediocre lives.. Here are some of the awesome things you will hear in this episode:
- Find out the the difference between a seducer and a closer.
- Find out the ONE problem brain chemical that gets you into trouble from staying focused
- And see how Satori went undercover the high-ticket world to understand the truth.
So listen here to find out how Satori successfully coaches the best to achieve their most important targets and how you can do the same.
Are you a seducer or a closer?
In today’s Episode I’m gonna teach you why so many of us fail to accomplish what we want. Why we end up with halfass results and mediocre lives.
What’s up everyone. This is Satori Mateu and welcome to a new episode of Halfass to Badass!
So many people try not to sell. “It’s ugly.” “It’s bad.” “It’s pushy.” “It’s manipulative.” “It’s sleazy.” I’m sure you’ve heard them all.
Listen, you cannot not sell. You’re either selling me on why to do something or you’re selling me why not to.
If you’re not selling your ideas, values, principles, products or services you’re being sold someone else’s. There’s no in between.
You’re either selling yourself on why to be a BADASS, to be ruthless and relentless in your pursuit of your dream-life, or you’re selling yourself on why you can’t.
It’s a constant…
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT.
So, your ability to close is that moment when you make things happen or not. Either you’re closing yourself to go workout or stay on the couch. You’re closing yourself on eating something that is going to give you energy or something that’ll drain you but seems inviting for the moment. You’re closing yourself on making that phone call or you’re closing yourself on why you shouldn’t. (“Oh, I’m too tired.” “I need to be more prepared.” “I don’t have all the information, yet” “I’ll do it tomorrow.” “It’s too early.” It’s too late”).
The closing moment is the moment you choose to either have that difficult conversation with your kids, spouse, prospect, your coach or you distract yourself scrolling on social media, watching TV or say, “I’m too tired.” “I don’t have time.”
If you think about your ability to serve people—really serve people—help people, make a difference in people’s lives, make a difference in your life; the only way you’re going to be able to do that is in the moment they, or you, say, “Yes”. “Let’s do it.” “It’s go time.”
It’s the moment they give you money or give you something you want for something they want, right? It’s the moment, you put your shoes on and go for the walk or the run. It’s the moment you sit down and write your book, record your podcast, train your team.
It’s the moment the value exchange happens. That’s the moment you’re able to help someone. Because of that, we need to understand, until that moment, everything else, everything before that, is just a tease. It’s just a way to get them excited.
I call it “Seduction selling.”
I remembered when I hired a coach, a money mindset or wealth coach. At this point I was already selling my mentorship and coaching for 250,000 dollars but I wanted to see what was out there and the delivered for what we call high ticket or premium coaching.
And I also thought if I can increase my business, great. So I packed my bags and flew across the country to see him. I had already paid $25,000 dollars for a VIP day. The whole day I was being seduced to enter into a deeper type of engagement with him but I wasn’t getting a lot of meat in the actual day, if you know what I mean. He was good at creating the curiosity and desire to want more. At the end of the day, I decided to give it a shot and to go deeper. But I also didn’t just want to waste my money. It was a $100,000 dollar investment.
I am of the mindset that you can’t ask others to invest big money with you if you’re not willing to invest big money with others. Meaning, you want to be congruent with what you ask of others by going first. We started the relationship.
But pretty fast I got stuck comparing him to me. I noticed, he sounded arrogant, bothered, he was holding back and wouldn’t answer my questions except for very surface answers. I hate that. I hate it when people aren’t generous with their knowledge or skills, when they hold back and they try to put themselves on a pedestal. I would NEVER do that with a client. I’m like, “I’m here to fight for your dreams”. He was nothing like that. He would jump on a call with me every two weeks for about 20 min and sometimes conversations would last less than 10 min. I remember dreading the calls. I had paid 100,000 dollars and wasn’t getting the value I was sold.
I realized, I had bought the fantasy, I had been seduced and closed but the value exchange wasn’t there. I also realized, we’re not buying the information or knowledge, we’re buying the relationship, the trust that this person or company truly cares about our success.
I understood, that what I offered my clients was worth ten times what he offered, which confirmed my position in the marketplace.
I made a plan to join high end groups to see how they closed and what kinds of value they offered. I even interviewed other participants to see how they were closed (how they made their decision. What motivated them to join and what they got out of their investment). The problem I bumped into as I joined different high end masterminds, investing 25,000 dollars and up into the 100,000 dollars range, is that they often put themselves on a pedestal, inflating their own value without a way to back up the value exchange. Which left many people feeling disappointed. (Which of course, they wouldn’t see until months into a program or after when they evaluated the return on investment).
I’m not saying people don’t have a choice. We all do. There are no victims, we’re all responsible for the choices we make. But I do strongly believe we have a moral and ethical obligation to deliver on the promise we make for the exchange of people’s money.
I also believe, that if you’re given instructions and don’t follow through on those instructions, you've got to own that as well. Which take us to our part of making fantasies (seducing ourselves on what we think we’re going to do, but then not doing it, right?).
What’s been interesting to watch (since I closely watch and listen to the selling process of all these master salesman and saleswoman, is that they’ve started to sell heavily that it’s the community you joining. That’s where the value is. And that’s all good.
But you get no direct access, no individual time with the so called guru or brand owner, but that is how it’s sold. Again, to my point that is seduction selling. So even if you close the deal, the value exchange is not there.
It’s just seduction. Because at the end of the day, whether it’s toward yourself or others you want to trust, the promise is delivered. If you want self-confidence, if you want to confide in yourself, You must close the deal and deliver the value.
If you want to be Unshakeable, to own that you are a Badass—if you want the money, the love, the family, the productivity, to be in the best shape of your life, be spiritually clear—are you closing yourself on the daily habits, the standards, the thinking, the owning of your value, or are you talking yourself out of it?
Are you just seducing yourself—painting a fantasy of your dream—or are you clarifying your standards and closing yourself on your dream…?
This is a moment-to-moment choice.
This is what it means to own the close.
Set the standard, set the habit and live it. Dominate or be dominated.
Listen, I’m not trying to be rigid, or harsh, or eliminate spontaneity and fun from your life… You see, you know the things you want for your life and you also know the disappointments you’ve experienced. Don’t you? You know the hopes and dreams that hasn’t happened, that have left you feeling empty and unfulfilled, true?
I don’t want that for you anymore… Let’s bring spontaneity, fun and flexibility to your standards …AND let’s make what you want, truly happen for you.
You see, amateur speakers, coaches, and motivators are in the business of mental masturbation. They get you all excited, elated, stirring those hormones, then leave you hanging.
When we’re stuck in mental masturbation, and being jacked up on dopamine (the hormone of distraction) we’re just chasing the highs, but accomplishing nothing. It’s kinda like empty calories. Feels good for the moment, but has no nutritional value. And you crash.
And if you’re not clear on what dopamine is, it’s a brain chemical related to getting kicks and excitement. It’s the chemical involved in addictive drugs and behaviors.
When you’re in love and infatuated, dopamine is flowing. This is also when the potential fear of loss kicks in and the brain chemical cortisol pumps into your body. Cortisol relates to stress and challenge. In business we like to call it FOMO (fear of missing out) ever heard that? People love to sell the you the fear of missing out.
When I say being in love, it doesn’t have to be just a person, it could be an idea, a product, a service, a fantasy.
Think about it. If you’re in love and you’re infatuated with someone or something you only fear the loss of those things you have a dopamine addiction to. You don’t have a sense of loss for the the things you resent or see as a challenge, right?
You don’t miss what you resent. You don’t miss arguments and fights. You celebrate those losses. Are you with me?
I’m not in the business of seduction. Amateurs do this to themselves all the time. “I’m going to be more productive.” “I’m going to be a millionaire.” “I’m going to be the best husband.” “I’m going to be the most amazing mom.”
The thought, the idea, the fantasy, gets them pumped up, excited, and turned on… for a day, a week, a minute. I mean, it can be fun—for the moment—but it never leaves you fulfilled. It leaves you with broken dreams, feeling empty and feeling like a fraud.
Every time you don’t follow through on your promise to yourself, you get more and more disappointed and you lose trust in yourself. You start doubting and questioning your ability follow through.
Can you see how easily this could happen in your life, or already has happened many times?
Now, imagine for a moment, you’re seducing a lover, getting them all excited, what kind of emotional state are you in to do that? Think about the emotions you’re transferring… Playfulness, sensuality, magnetism, you’re flirtatious, provocative, charming. You know what I’m talking about.
I have a question for you, the moment you’re seducing, are you giving them what they’re ultimately looking for?
No. You’re just seducing them.
The same thing happens in sales. If you’re just talking about it—painting the picture, getting them excited—you’re selling the fantasy, you’re not actually providing the service. The value exchange is not happening.
If I tell you, I’m going to show you how to remove the ONE mental block that is in your way of your dreams, the thought can be exciting and seductive. Until we do the actual work of eliminating that one mental block, we’re just talking about it. We’re not actually doing it.
The only time you provide real service, real help, in sales and solve an actual problem, is when you close. If you’re not closing, you’re just teasing. (Of course, when I say this, I’m assuming you’re fully keeping your promise).
Some people say yes to you. “I want to do business with you.” “I want to marry you.” “I want to start a family.” “Yes, please help me.”
Hey, you might even say yes to yourself…
“I’m getting up 5am every morning.”
“I’m sharing my mission with a minimum of five people every day.”
“I’m responsible for my health, I’m taking at least a 20 min walk every day.”
Unless you’re getting paid and helping people. Getting married. Getting laid. Being more productive. Getting in better shape. Taking that 20-minute walk.
If you or the people you make promises to, are not making progress, not making what you say real, you didn’t close.
You’re still just in the seduction phase.
If you’re being intimate with someone and they’re seducing you, teasing you, making you all excited and then they go, “Oh my God, I have a meeting, bye.” Or “I’m going to make a phone call.” or “You know what, I’m very hungry right now.” You’d be like, “What the fuck, what just happened? You’re making me all turned on and excited and you’re just getting up and walking away?” That would piss you off. Same thing with your clients. Same thing happens when you say yes to you, and don’t follow through. No difference.
You’re getting all excited, all inspired like, “Wow, this is really going to happen,” but you don’t close. You just seduce them and leave them hanging. That’s cruel.
This is where your standards rule. Not what you feel in the moment.
Don’t get their hopes up—or even your own—without finishing it off.
Just to be clear, this is not an invitation to say, “Oh, then I just won’t get their hopes up.” “I just won’t set goals, that way I won’t have to disappoint myself.”
This is my invitation to set standards you CAN follow.
Closing, is your ability to help yourself and others to get what you want and need.
This comes from you having standards and rituals (which you do) of how you do things. (The question is, are they moving you closer or further away from what you want?)
The standards you hold for yourself, the ritual and habits you have in place will determine if you finish things off, or if you’ll leave things open, and leave yourself or others hanging.
Can you see how a life without clear standards and habits leave you with unfulfilled dreams?
I want you to start thinking about your standards. What do you stand for?
Do you stand for being a lousy parent? Being an unavailable partner? Do you stand for having an empty bank account? Being unhealthy? Not having customers, you can serve? Do you stand for being broke, not making consistent money every month, every week, every day? Don’t think so, right?
I don’t believe ANYBODY wakes up in the morning, thinking, “How can I be unproductive, underperform, be an awful human being that treats people like shit and make no money.”
Still haven’t met anybody like that.
C’mon, let’s do the work. What’s your standard, what do you stand for? Not, what does your grandma, your cat, lawyer or neighbor stand for, I don’t give a shit about that right now.
I want to know what YOU stand for. Even if you’re not clear or certain about what it is, or even if you been pleasing and doing what everyone else think is “right” your whole life, start pondering about it. Be curious. Write it down, right now. Claim it now.
As you start thinking about this, are the habits you have in place as of right now serving you? Are they making you grow and expand? Or are they making you shrink? Do they make you smaller? Are they putting you in a place of reaction? Or are you in control and proactive? These are the things we want to look at.
I’m going to repeat this again. If you’re not in control, you’re going to be controlled. If you’re not taking charge of your thinking, your habits, or your environment, someone else will.
It doesn’t matter, whether it’s Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or other social media—someone yapping in your ear or controlling your eyeballs—where you put your focus, controls your focus.
Who are you putting in charge of your life?
This is why you’ve got to respect and appreciate your time, protect it with your life, because you won’t get those moments back. Those are non-refundable moments.
Recently, I got got stuck in front of a Netflix series, “Marvelous Mrs Maisel”. I mean they’re so good at opening loops, leaving you hungry for more. My wife’s like, “I’ve heard great things about this new series, wanna watch it together?” I’m like, “Yeah. Sure, let’s do it.”
She’s like, but you gotta promise me, if I fall asleep, don’t keep watching. Only watch the episode we’re on. OK?”
“Ok.” Ten minutes in, she is sleeping. Now that’s not a surprise. I knew that was going to happen. Day 1. I turn it off. I just watch one episode. Day 2. One episode. But ohh, it’s so hard. So difficult. Day 3. It’s game over. I so was screwed. I watch the whole season. Not only that I start watching season two as well. Dopamine fixes… What can I say.
Again, are you just going to seduce yourself and others, and not close, or are you following through? What are your standards for when you wake up in the morning? Are you going to let yourself be distracted, being pulled away by other people’s demands; checking emails, answering text messages, first thing in the morning? Or are you dominating and taking command, steering the ship so to speak of the direction of your morning?
What habits do you want in place to help you grow and expand—making an Unshakeable Badass life real?
You have 168 hours per week my friend. No more, no less. So, you do have time. We just don’t have time to waste. Hey listen, I’m not here to tell you what to do with your time, that’s up to you. All I’m saying is, make sure it’s meaningful to you.
We either take charge of this or don’t. I’m not here to waste your time and I’m not here to waste my time.
There’s no in between. I want to make sure I’m serving you, helping you take control of what’s going on between your ears so you can have what you want.
With that said, be brutally honest and vulnerable with yourself, because that’s how I’m going to be able to help you in these virtual conversation we have here together.
This is how you’ll get the most of our time together. Be brutally honest. No mask. No pretending.
Let’s set some new standards today. If you think you already have great standards, beautiful, let’s optimize them.
This is Satori Mateu signing off, until next episode, remember, YOU are a NATURAL BORN BADASS!
BOOM!! How’d you like that?
Want more wealth building secrets go get your copy of my book. It’s called Unshakable Wealth and you can get a copy at satorigift.com
Inside this book you’ll find my top secrets on how to dominate your life and business without apologizes. How to own your worth, get highly paid and change the world with your message.
These are the secrets I’ve used with Olympic athletes, world class CEOs and leaders just like you. Again, that’s satorigift.com