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Meet Stephanie   Stephanie is a Career Expert who delivers high-energy, no-nonsense coaching that challenges traditional thinking, and focuses on what matters most in life. She also works with women, and working mothers to find ridiculously rewarding careers that align with their priorities at any season of life. Stephanie's clients are captivated by her outside-of-the-box thinking and her deep desire to ignite the fire to change the narrative from what should be, to what IS possible.   Can you give us a bit of background on what led you to start your amazing coaching company as well as what you’re doing now?   So I feel like everything I've done in my entire career has set me up to do this work today. As I talk with people, I think we don't always recognize all of the stepping stones we've taken to get us to a place where we finally understand what it is that we want to do or who we want to be when we grow up, and that consistently can change even if you think you've got it all figured out. So I've spent my entire career being tapped on the shoulder to do all sorts of different things. I said yes to almost everything that was put in front of me, work that I had no idea what I was doing, but I was like, "Oh my gosh, they trust me to do this work, I have the core skill set, how do I grow from it?" I spent the first portion of my career in retail leadership. I was in HR, I was also in a variety of store management roles so I understand working in the business. Then when I transitioned to the next portion of my career, because I wanted my nights and weekends back, I then started working in an area of the business that I'd never worked in. I started working in the supply chain of all areas and I had a really specific skill set that the leadership team was looking for so it took a lot of courage for me to step into that place and say, "I'm going to learn something completely new, I'm going to learn a new company, learn all different people around me," so then I transitioned back into HR where I just felt the most at home. As I was transitioning through different positions, I found the most joy from spending time with people talking about their careers. I found myself on the phone with candidates, coaching them through if this isn't the right fit, what could be the right fit for you in the future. I'll never forget I had one of my co-workers say over the cube next to me like, "That didn't sound like an interview," and I was like, "It wasn't really it didn't end up being that way!" So that connection just makes my heart happy because I see the light bulb go on in people's minds and it seriously is what lights me up and what makes me happy. So I transitioned to doing this work full time and there's nothing more rewarding than having someone text me or call me and say, "I couldn't have done it without you," and I know they could have, but I gave them the tools and that's what matters the most.   If someone is listening to this right now, and they're thinking, “Who do I need in my corner in order to develop and make this rock?” Who would you say they need and why?   For lack of a better term, I'm going to say you need a tribe of people. When I say that, I mean that these are the people who reinforce your values, who build you up, who give you the straight talk when you need it. One person is not going to be everything to you and so I had mentioned getting insights from outside of your organization which can come in the form of a mentor. You can have mentors internally in an organization and externally, which again, provide you different perspectives. One of the other components is that you need people who are going to build you up, but then you need people who are going to give it to you in a way that you understand you may need to change. So these are going to be trusted mentors who are close enough to you that you're not offended when they say you're really overthinking the situation. Maybe they didn't mean it that way or I know you want something specific in your next career move but you're not ready for and here's why you might not be ready for it. That's hard for some people to hear! But it's important and will benefit you in the long run.    Is there a certain place that people should look for mentors outside of their organization that you recommend?   There are a variety of places and it depends on what industry you're in. If you are in professional project management, you can speak those out through professional organizations, if you're an HR, if you are an accountant, you can seek those things out through professional organizations. Many organizations actually have mentor programs where you are placed with a mentor and you're matched and a lot of it is based on you fill out a survey and your mentors have some qualities they look for. Those can work if you're really open to creating the relationship and taking the time to build that relationship. You can also start looking for people who are doing the job that you want next or leading the work that you want to do because those people are going to have insights and they're going to have developed others before you so they can give you those nuggets that you're not going to get in a job description, you're not going to get on Glassdoor. You're literally going to get that golden nugget of wisdom where you're like, "Oh, I need that skill because if I have it, it would set me apart." You may not think you need senior-level experience or that communication with a senior-level executive, but if that leader or that outside mentor tells you that you need it, now you're going to go get it because that's going to set you apart from the pack. So absolutely search for someone and LinkedIn is one of the best places because you can find very specific people who do the job that you want to do.   So we've talked about mentors, what other person in your tribe or group should you have?   Yes and so you can call it whatever you want. You can call them advocates, sponsors, we won't get into the nitty-gritty of the definitions of them here. But essentially, within your organization, you have to create alliances internally. So you want people who have a seat at the table that you don't have. That might be a senior-level leader, it might even be your leader, it might be a person from another department who can speak on your behalf to say, "Oh, my gosh, I worked with Akilah and everything she did, she got to me on time, her communication was out of this world, I knew what was happening when it was happening and we had a major client issue where she was able to get to the nitty-gritty of the details and give me what I needed so that I can help solve the problem." You want people who know the work that you do. I want people to know that it is so important that you share the things that you are working on. I hear over and over and over again, "My boss doesn't know what I do, I can't believe I didn't get recognized for the little things that I do." Let's be real, your boss has a full-time job that is loaded, they are thinking about all of the other people on your team, including you, and they're trusting you to do the work that you do. So you have to tell your story, not just to your leader, but you have to find ways to tell your story to other people in the company.   I think it’s important that we connect on that aspect of how you can keep track of your wins and really make sure that those who you want to be seeing your wins, are seeing them. How can people make sure that they’re staying connected with people across all levels of the business?    So if we're giving people really specific things that they can do, come with an agenda. One of the other things that I highly recommend people do is set up networking meetings with people. Make them 15 minutes, make them a half hour, let them know why you're interested in connecting with them. I did a lot of connecting in both of the companies that I worked with to understand what the other person was doing in the other departments that influenced or impacted the business that I was in. If I was doing work, I wanted to know, one, the interactions that you have with other lines of business. I want to know if I make a decision today, downstream, how that impacts you. What that did was it built a really great bridge for me then when I needed something to be able to at the snap of a finger, pick up a phone and say, "Hey, I need you for something," and you can cut out all BS and you can just get to business and it doesn't feel awkward and it doesn't feel hard, it feels easy and natural. So building those relationships also gives you credibility in the organization with your peer group because I would say the loudest group in any organization is always going to be your frontline employees because they're taking on the brunt of the day-to-day work. They're less into the strategy, they want to be into the strategy, into the decision making and so how do you navigate all levels of your organization that you have a seat at the table with your peers, you have a seat at the table with the leadership team, you have a seat at the table with the senior-level leaders. That's how you get noticed. That's why the one person who you watch skyrocket to the top you're like, "How did she do this!?" Well, that's how she did it, that's the secret.   How do you empower the women that you coach to take that first step?   That's a beautiful question. It starts with being able to say, "I'm ready for change." That has been something where people say, "I am ready, I am ready," we will get started and then they realize they're not ready and I realize they're not ready. No coaching is going to help you, no mentorship is going to help you if you are don't have an open mind about possibility. There's this mindset shift of what should be versus what could be. What should be, oftentimes is what society tells us we have to be or how we have to go about a job search or, whether you tell your boss you're looking for something new, or is it the right time, versus what could be and living in that space, as we talked about before of possibility. So that is always the first step for people is getting in the right headspace. I can work with people, especially if they say, "I want to be ready, I feel like I need to be ready, and I'm not, there's a block," we will remove that roadblock, and we will get you to where you want to go. That's the first step is being willing to accept advice, because as a coach or as a mentor, we won't pull or drag you to the next thing. If I see what you're capable of, I can't want it more than you want it for yourself. For some people, I think that is a real eye-opener, because they say they're ready, and they're ready because they're mad about something that happened at work. So they're acting out of fear, or they're acting because something happened to them. So one reaction that I see is, "I'm frustrated at work so I'm going to go to Indeed, and I'm going to find the same job I do today at another company and that's just what makes me feel good because I'm competent and capable in the work I do today." In that case, we need to do a lot more work we need to do work on confidence. How confident are you to make the move and then there are all of these silent killers of a job search and the silent killers of a job search are going to be things like financial instability. If you Don't have the ability to make the move or you worry about your finances, you are not living in a space of abundance and you're not living in a headspace of what do I want versus what do I need. Even your physical health, if your physical health is waning, oftentimes we're thinking about things like our medical benefits, and will I have the same medical benefits somewhere else, and you're not thinking about the job shift, you're going to make. Your spiritual connection no matter what your affiliation is, there's a level of understanding that we live in a world where we don't have control over every move we make, but we think we do, we are part of a bigger universe and we are part of something much bigger than the job we do today and the family we're raising. So when you start to think about some of those things, we start to unpack and peel the onion, about what we need to do next and then what we need to do after that, and there's a whole process. When I spend time with people, I actually spend time with people talking about communication with their families, because it is work and you need time carved out in order to look for another job. So what are you communicating with your family? Are you delegating anything? Do you hire a cleaning lady for two months because you don't have time to clean the toilets and the mirrors and the bathtubs and mop the floors? Do you say I'm in the process of looking for something new, I'm not cooking dinner this month, it's not my job? These are simple things that get in our way that are the silent killers of finding the next job because we just say I don't have time and then you stay in that same discomfort.   And so much more…   Connect with Stephanie:    LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanie-freiboth-032a2b4/    Instagram: @stephanie.freiboth

Hey, everybody, it’s Akilah Marie, thank you again for coming to spend some time with me and dive deep into life. I am so honored and blessed that you decided to spend a little time and dive a little deeper into life and love and career with me today. Gosh, guys, we are in a pandemic still and if you listened to the previous episode, where I gave you a little insight on who I am, I definitely hope that you were able to grasp the understanding that therapy was the tool and the vehicle that got me to my next place. In doing some self-reflection on what I wanted to go into for Episode Two of Grit and Grace, it was only natural to bring one of my greatest inspirations and friends and sisters in so many areas of life here today. I would like to introduce to the world and the Grit and Grace podcast, Lakiesha Russell!    Please tell the Grit and Grace world a little bit about yourself.   I am a licensed mental health therapist here in the state of Wisconsin. I'm a mompreneur of two, I have a tweenager and a teenager, so y'all pray for me. I'm a speaker and what I do primarily is focus my work on working with children and teens on emotions, life transitions, trauma, and working with moms and parents helping them heal their own emotional wounds to raise emotionally healthy children.   Before we get into mental health and all that you do as well as some tips and tricks for the grit and grace of family, talk to me about motherhood for you raising children and especially during these times.   Listen, I feel that struggle those pains and those challenges for sure. So my kids’ school actually started off in person just like all together and right now they're virtual just because grandparents and us wanting to be considerate of them and their health. That was a big fight, because they were just like, "Ce can't go in person and see our friend?" I think for us as parents understanding, too, that the emotions that our kids feel are real, and how do we validate that and acknowledge what they're feeling? For me, it was, okay, let's talk about it, let's process this. At the end of the day, this decision that we're making is for everybody involved. So looking at the bigger picture of it, and that helps them to be a little more accepting of it, of course, they're still like, "Oh, we're ready to go back to school mom," and like "Mmm not quite yet!" We'll kind of just see how things transpire. The more people that practice social distancing, and all of those great things. Even for them, they're athletes, so they can't even play their sports that they want to play so that's another thing for them not having those own personal outlets. So it's finding those things that they do enjoy, and how do we pivot? Focusing on that pivoting piece, and what does that look like for you in real-time? Even as a mom, I'm still seeing clients in person, and some virtually so I'm able to get out of the house, right? So how do you stay sane during all of that, and it's finding those moments of your peace? So what does that look like? So how do you stay sane during all of that, and it's finding those moments of your peace? So what does that look like? Is that you getting up maybe 30 minutes before you get all the kids together, just for you to get your peace and your sanity and calm down? Or is it you taking a lunch break? Because I think it's hard to really like separate working from home and doing those things we would typically do in the traditional office setting of taking the lunch and working away from our laptops. But now really practice and put those things into place, because you're gonna burn out.    Let's talk about zoom fatigue. Have you been hearing a lot about that with your clients or just in general in the field?   Yeah, I feel like it's just an increase because even for me at times having virtual sessions back to back to back, looking at a screen can be so daunting and energy draining. I feel like our brains are working 10 times harder because we're trying to watch people's facial expressions, or what might be popping up on the screen. So your brain is trying to work extra hard versus if you were in person with that person right across from you where you don't have all of these outside forces and variables in play. So what I've been encouraging people to do because even now we're still trying to find ways to connect with our family and our friends and all of that. Sometimes maybe switching it up and not doing like a virtual happy hour, maybe it's like just something audible where you're just listening to each other. Really just giving your brain even a vacation from having to work so hard after you've worked an eight-hour a day, virtually looking at a screen all day. Even if it's not in meetings all day, you're still looking at a screen. While we are blessed to be employed, because we know that there are people who aren't, that doesn't negate the fact that this is still difficult. I've learned through life that my difficulties are my difficulties. While I still can sympathize with other people in their circumstances and give in order to help better them, I still can validate my feelings by allowing myself to not feel guilty, because there are other people that may have it worse or whatever. I think that happens a lot with women in general, men, you can have that as well. But women in general, we always have this weight of like, "Okay, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, but I know, there are 5 million other moms that are worse off than me so I shouldn't feel this way." You can still feel this way!   What are some ways that we as moms can cope with this whole thing that's going on?   Just think of our daily challenges and struggles that we have as moms. I think the biggest thing I want moms to take away from listening to your podcast, is acknowledging those emotions. Because when we avoid them, we aren't dealing with it. We're just sweeping it under the rug and do you want to continue to be a rug sweeper, or do you really want to get it out there? It's gonna be ugly, not pretty at all, but acknowledge those emotions and process those things will help you to get through them and be able to handle them. Secondly, you want to build some kind of self-care routine, to protect your mental wellness. to protect your spiritual health. and your physical health because all those things are connected and work together. So what kind of self-care routine are you creating for yourself? I know people are like, "I get my nails done and I get my hair done,"  which is all great and fine because I do those things too. But me and another friend laughed because we're like "But that's more like maintenance." Find those things that don’t cost anything, and that refuels your spirit, rejuvenates you from the inside out. That could be creating a journal, and it doesn't have to be written form it can be drawn.    So there are different types of journals out there, could you explain this to the Grit and Grace Crew?    Typically, what you might always see people is like, more of that narrative form. So like the storytelling of the journal like, "Well, today, I had a great day, I wish so and so what I did that," you know, the "Dear Diary" stuff we see on TV. If that’s what works for you that’s totally fine! If you just want a brain dump, and just write down all your thoughts that you're feeling at that moment, go ahead. If you just want to write descriptive words, just how you're feeling do that, too. Journaling doesn't have to be this complete thought-out sentence or paragraphs of things. But doing what's best for you is perfect. Even like the drawing piece, if you're like, "I really don't feel like writing." Just draw it out, or doodle, scribble something on that paper, but to get all that energy out that you have stored.    Could you talk a little bit about the importance of therapy, not just when things are crumbling, but just maintenance in general?    Yeah! And again, I know people think, "Oh, I need to see a therapist when I'm in crisis," but oftentimes, when you're in crisis, we're trying to tackle what you're going through right now. But we want to also provide you with the skills and tools so when you get into those situations, you're already equipped as you've already got your battle armor on your sword, whatever it is to slay those dragons that come your way because you've been practicing for it! We think of like these athletes, they can't just go out here in the NBA and just be like, “I got it ya'll, I ain't practice, but I'm gonna make these three-point shots!” We operate the same way when situations come into our lives and that's the importance where therapy comes into play, even before you enter into a crisis. It's giving you those preventative tools before you have to react to a situation.   When you think about people who have this great opposition against therapy, even if it's like a family member or friend, what can you say against that opposition to help them understand?   Yeah, if you had family members that struggle with understanding the importance of therapy, it's sharing your experience with it and how big of a help it was to you, for you to be the best you can be. So the word of mouth is the best way I tell people to really help people understand, especially loved ones on how important therapy is by giving them another perspective. But you know, therapists are unbiased, very neutral, and can think with a solid, clear mind. Knowing and having that person that's neutral and that has the skill set, the capacity to hear and listen to you. Because if you're talking to your homegirl or your family member, they gonna be running down their experiences like. "If I was you, I would do this." A therapist ain't gonna give you the answers. We're gonna lead you to the water, but it's everything we're helping you piece together that you've already been thinking about. We're just helping it make it be a little more clear for you to really decide on what you want to do.   When I think about kids and their needs and how their brains aren't even fully formed. What you do in your work to help them through that I think it’s going to change the world and they're truly going to pass that on to people as well. They will definitely do that. Have you seen any return on that investment with the children that you counsel?   Most definitely and I think those are the rewarding pieces. One thing too I do highlight to parents is that this is not overnight. Especially with kids, it takes them a little longer to learn these skills, because a lot of times it's repetition. I also empower and encourage the parents like I'm gonna teach you these skills so when you're at home, you can implement them. They're seeing me once a week so I have no control outside of them seeing me for that time. So I need the parents to work with me, it's a collaboration. Oftentimes, yeah, the child is my client, but I'm working with the whole family because it's a nucleus. I can't work with the kid, and give him the skills, and put him back into an environment that's not equipped to support these new skills and these new behaviors.   And so much more…

Who I Am and What I do:   Greetings. I'm super excited to start this journey of grit and grace with you. I want to thank you for choosing to walk with me. My name is Akilah Marie. In Arabic, my name means seeker of wisdom and I'm always on a quest to extract lessons from everything that I experience. I am a 36-year-old professional, born and raised and residing in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I like to say I'm a Midwestern girl with a southern heart. I love all things family, all things self-care, I love to cook, I love to entertain and giving to my community and world around me. I am a single mother to an amazing 10-year-old daughter, Abrielle Jacqueline, and I'm also a foster caregiver. I'm a singer, mentor, volunteer, and now I am a podcaster! I took the leap into the podcasting world during the 2020 COVID 19 pandemic and the reason why is because I've mentored many women and men over the past seven years to get them to their next level professionally, and also supported them during their transformations in their personal life. Many of them have found purpose in their current work, been promoted to the next level, started new careers or business ventures, been armed with the tools needed to power through some really tough times, and a lot of them have been inspired to pay it forward by sharing the knowledge that they've gained through our mentorship with someone else. I am a woman on this journey called Life who's learned many valuable lessons when on the peaks and in the pits of life. Life has pushed, hold, and sometimes it's even rolling me to my next level, and each time I've transformed into a better Akilah.    Transitioning by Breaking Free From an Abusive Relationship:    One of the most pivotal transformations was breaking free from an emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive marriage. A lot of people have never heard of or don't understand what financial abuse is. Quite honestly, y'all, I didn't know about it until I was right smack dab in the middle of it. Financial abuse is controlling a victim's ability to acquire, use, or maintain financial resources. Some victims are prevented from working, others may have their own money from working restricted or stolen by their abuser. They do not have access to money or other resources and when they are given money, they are often scolded and they have to account for every nickel and dime spent. Financial abuse varies from situation to situation. Sometimes it's overt, demanding, and intimidating and sometimes it's covert and you don't know it until you're in it. So I had no control or access over the money that I made. When I asked for access, it resulted in what I call blow-ups, which lasted for days. They did not de-escalate. Until about 72 hours after my initial request to have access to my money. I had to beg for forgiveness and find ways to make up for my desire to be an equal partner. I had no idea who I would wake up to each day because of this cycle of abuse. Would it be Dr. Jekyll, or would it be Mr. Hyde? Walking on eggshells daily was something that I never truly mastered, and I paid for it greatly. It was one Saturday afternoon, during a couples therapy session that I had begged us to go to, that therapist had noticed his trigger hair anger. In past sessions, I had hidden the verbal and emotional, and financial abuse, because I knew it would make things worse for me later. In this particular session, though, I opened up a little more to the therapist and tried to tiptoe around the fact that he was my abuser because I just didn't want to deal with the aftermath of it. But I still needed to get out a little bit of it to try to see if the therapist could give me some tools to navigate through that in to save what wasn't salvageable. So I posed my question as a specific incident and I didn't do the global issue of abuse that I was facing, again, in fear of retaliation against me. So I'm sitting on the opposite side of the couch of my partner, I'm staring directly at the therapist, and words are just vomiting out of my mouth. My eyes were swollen with tears and I remember gripping and holding on to my thumb, just to like ground myself at that moment. But the therapist, he stopped me from speaking after about two to three minutes, because I didn't realize but on the other side of that couch, my partner's fists were balled, his eyes were squinted, and his breathing was intense, to say the least. It was like the bomb was winding up, but I had become so numb to it, that I didn't even notice it. It was part of my everyday life to see that wind up so I didn't even turn to see that this was happening in public, and not just in our home. So time stood still, as I slowly turned and looked over to see what the therapist was observing when he said, "Hold on Akilah," and I slowly turned my head to see what was going on. The therapist kind of regurgitated what he was seeing my partner do and in that moment, it made it real because it wasn't just me and my experience in our home. It was a public display of the reaction to me wanting control or access the money that I had made. The therapist addressed directly with him, the physical display of rage towards me and my words, and of course, there was no accountability for it, it was because of me, was his reasoning why he was reacting that way. So in my mind, I knew that he would say that I forced the therapist to be on my side because there's a lot of score taking in abusive relationships. So my mind was racing on how I could spin it once we got home to see that I didn't get a point that maybe the therapist looked at me a certain way and I felt that he was scolding me, I had to somehow take some of the blame for his reaction. So my mind is racing and spinning on, what was I gonna say? How was I gonna say it? Because I know it's not going to end well. I remember the session ending with me speaking less and less, even when the therapist was trying to dig deeper, and asking me really pointed questions. My mind was hours ahead on how this would affect my night, my weekend, and my next week. I was thinking about how I would have to deny myself peace again for the next few weeks, in order to get to a couple of days of peace. But then I immediately snap back into the current moment on the couch, kind of frozen in pain and thoughts and everything else. The session was over and I had run to the bathroom, so I wouldn't have to be on the elevator with my partner alone to face that whole thing there. I was avoiding it, I wanted to wait as long as possible to have to account for my actions that led to his reaction. Once I was in the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror and I was started wondering how had I got to this point, how did I get here? I was so strong, so bold, so self-aware before he had ever walked into my life, but I gave that all away. I gave my power away, I dimmed my light, hoping to get love in return. I lost myself completely. When I left the bathroom, the therapist was in the hallway and he asked if I felt safe at home and if I needed help. Of course I lied, I wasn't ready at that point, to say those words that I was a victim. I told the therapist that I would be okay and that this never happened before and this was new to me. But inside of me, I felt and I prayed that the therapist did not believe me that he could see through it.    The Moment Where I Broke Free:    So fast forward, a few more months of things escalating. It was a Saturday afternoon, and my partner was coming into the house with flowers. But the window was open and I was standing in the kitchen washing dishes and I heard his voice. He was talking on the phone with someone about me like he always did. He was calling me out of my name, derogatory phrases, he was cursing, saying how dumb I was, and how he was going to give me these flowers that he had, and I'd fall for it again. He was talking about how he put me out if I didn't get it right and I wouldn't have anything. So he ended the phone conversation and he walked in the house with this big smile on his face and flowers in hand. I stood there just staring. No smile on my face, I couldn't fake it anymore. There were no tears in my eyes, no emotion. With all the strength that I had, it was like I had an out of body experience, but I proclaimed I heard every word you said about me while on the phone outside and I'm not doing this anymore. So it seemed as though I was jolted out of the spell that he had me under, I finally found enough strength to stand up in front of my partner and I let him know that I was filing for divorce. I only had $30 of my monthly allowance that he would give me in my pocket. I had zero access to the paycheck that had just been deposited into his bank account the day before. But I knew I needed to get into the driver's seat of my life before he drove it off the cliff. I had to take my power back and the only way that I knew how was to separate myself and to leave. It wasn't easy, but just saying the words was my first step. So I immediately called the therapist and I told him my decision to leave, and amazingly, his first words to me were, "Thank God, Akilah, I'm proud of you. I knew it wouldn't last, but you had to come to the decision yourself." I was floored, because here I thought I was hiding everything so well from the world and most importantly, from my therapist who I did not see frequently, but he just burst my little bubble.    Transitioning to Growth:   My therapist and I continued on with our conversation and he let me know, for ethical reasons, he could not see me as a solo patient, because he had already seen me and my partner together as a couple. But he did refer me to his wife, who also practiced at a second location of theirs. With her, I learned a lot more about the effects of my abuse, and how to overcome them. We also dug deep on the steps in my childhood, in my teenage years, in my 20 years of life that that led me to him. For everything, there's a reason and we've dug deep into that to find that reason on how not only I was led to him, but why I stayed. I was also diagnosed with PTSD and I learned how to manage that, and also gain the strength to reclaim my power. So during the strenuous legal process of my divorce, there were some amazing things that happened in my life. I was promoted at work, I purchased my first home by myself, and that was a huge, huge, token for me to put into my confidence bank because my partner dwindled our savings account. When I initially said that I was filing for divorce, he transferred my remaining money out of the account so I started from 0 dollars. I, of course, change my direct deposit after that, but I started from zero, literally from the bottom, and I did it! I provided stability for my daughter and for myself. Our divorce was final in June, and in early July, I closed on my first home. I remember walking into the house, the day I got the keys after closing and I just sat there and cried and I didn't know why. Because it was such an amazing moment, my daughter was not with me, I wanted to go through the house and pray and release light into each room in the area, and just to give thanks. But I remember hearing his words of saying that I would never have anything that he would put me out of our home and then realizing that I had $0 but worked a really good job and had a secure income. That was a huge moment for me and just providing stability for my daughter and comfort and a place of peace. At every twist and turn of each process of my healing.   Defining Grit:    I credited God, my therapist, and grit. Grit is that thing deep down inside that pushes you even when you don't know where the strength is going to come from. So grit is defined as courage and resolve, strength of character, perseverance, and resilience. But don't get me wrong, that does not mean that you are not going to have your hard days, your hard weeks, your hard months. I allow myself to feel each feeling. Every high every low, I had to process it all. I had to grieve the death of my marriage. For me, I didn't need to grieve the loss of him or my feelings towards him because I had started that work prior to even saying that I wanted to file for divorce. I had to grieve the loss of a marriage. My therapist offered a one on one guided meditation in her office. So I scheduled that before my therapy session. So those two things were sort of a weekly detox and rebuilds for me.   What did I Learn:    The first lesson I learned was to never dim my light for anyone or anything. My ancestors, God, and the universe gave me this light. Courage is ingrained in my DNA. It is my God-Given right to shine, it is my right to move about this world with confidence and strength.    The second lesson I learned was to never neglect the voice and power within. I saw the signs of control and abuse and I ignored them for many reasons that weren't valid or significant. Love should not intimidate you to lay aside your voice, or anything, your universe, or your God-Given power. Once I tapped my power on the shoulder and told her to rise, my life took a turn for the better.    Third, for many reasons that I'd like to continue on with this podcast with you is the power of therapy. As I stated before, I have been very vocal about the three things that pushed me into this transformation, God, therapy, and grit. I knew I couldn't do it alone. There are people who have invested countless dollars and time into caring for our mental health, and you do not have to be ashamed to tap into that resource. If you're employed, ask your HR department about any possible employee assistance programs, which will cover a handful of mental health visits per topic in full. Contact your health insurance for in-network providers. There's now a budget-friendly online network of therapists who can be seen on demand. They have tools that you can use to get you through hard times and to keep you trucking along when things may be on the up and up. I didn't stop seeing my therapist just because I felt better, I continued it on. Neo-Soul singer India Arie summed it up really well for me: Strength, courage, and wisdom, it's been inside of me all along. You may not feel it today or tomorrow, but know everything that you need to be your best self, to live your best life is already inside of you. You were born with it already in you.   If you are a victim of abuse, you are not alone, and there is a way out. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE    I want to hear from you!  Email me at thegritandgracepodcast@gmail.com and follow me on Instagram @thegritandgracepodcast.