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7 minutes | Dec 11, 2020
Monday's Suck | The Anatomy of The Work Week
Monday’s unequivocally fucking suck. See as a grownup I completely understand that now but growing up, not so much. I always kind of thought of it as one of the more colorful colloquialisms of the 90’s like Talk to the hand, or Boo-ya or one of the more confusing ones like The Banks Closed which as it turns out is a sex thing. Go figure. But no, I get it know. Monday’s just happen to fucking suck. Stock market returns are lower, suicide rates are higher, and all of our combined feelings confirm the overwhelming data —Monday is the least happy day of the week. As a matter of fact, the most depressing day of the year is the Monday after Christmas –Christmas! We're talking going from one extreme aka the most wonderful time of the year to Blue Monday Which emotionally is about as painful as Blue Balls which is 100% a sex thing. But it’s not necessarily Monday’s fault that it's such a shitty day It’s more or less science, or biology I mean let’s just look at the anatomy of a typical week First, we get Monday which as we established sucks ass But Tuesday’s on the other hand are kind of great Now I know, I know there’s a lot of people who seem to be kind of anti-Tuesday, it is after all the least interesting, least exciting day of the week but that’s what I love about Tuesday's so much, there’s no distractions, or deadlines or weird office memos’ from over the weekend you could give a fuck less about Nope. Tuesday’s are my get shit done day because, well I get shit done. And I’m not the only one, a recent study that I found on some blog while I was researching the history of hump day, which I’m convinced is also secretly a sex thing, says that not only is Tuesday the most productive day of the week, but Tuesdays are also the day of the week that most people apply for jobs, However, Monday applications tend to be more successful. But Fuck Monday and all you overachieving early bird gets the worm assholes. Moving onto Wednesday, aka good ole hump day See legend has it that the phrase hump day has been around since at least the 1950’s Others say it didn’t really become a thing until the 80’s with the expression referring to the signatory “hump” that Wednesday represents as the middle of the week but the more and more I read the more of a confusing gumbo of mixed metaphors it becomes Like I’m supposed to imagine the work week as a hill. Monday to Tuesday is an uphill battle and then you get to the Hump aka Wednesday after that Its both Smooth Sailing and Downhill which doesn’t make any fucking sense because although Smooth Sailing usually means it’s all good, everything going downhill from here does not. And besides how the hell can you smoothly sail down a hill? You can’t I have another theory See way back when some guy in some office somewhere in America made a deal with his wife that Wednesday was sex day aka hump day. And, that same guy was the first guy to be sent to HR for a sexual harassment complaint based on a joke that he thought was just among his male co-workers, and that same guy thinking on his about to be fired toes came up with the cleverly flawed, hump day hill thing. The end Except for those of you wondering, why did the wife agree to Wednesday of all days to be sex day. *Bing* You guessed it, Because Thursday is usually Payday That’s why most bars and clubs and pretty much any restaurant that sells alcohol strategically place all the best drink specials, and ladies' nights and everything on Thursday night because most people are flush with cash and It’s close enough to the weekend to be considered like pre-gaming for mine and America’s most coveted day of the week. The Star of the show, Ze Belle of Ze Ball Friday aka the most attractive day of the week for obvious reasons I mean just think about it, Friday, it’s kind of sexy ain’t it I mean yeah you start the day at work, but you don’t really get much work done and it's all good because you got a running start on Tuesday and finished all that up yesterday just before your thirsty ass beelined it for 2 for 20’s and $3 Margaritas at Applebee's and now It’s party time, a party which can either end later and resume tomorrow Or for the experienced weekend warrior start at about 5PM on Friday and roll-over well into the wildcard that is Saturday. We all deserve Saturday, you managed to get through the entire week, and Saturday is your reward! And sometime post afterglow, pre walk of shame or not you have realized that for the next 18 some odd hours you rule the world, in your mind but that’s ok because it’s Saturday On a diet? Who cares its cheat day On a budget? Fuck it now it’s splurge day Or fill in the blank with whatever day you have been wishing for all week and smile cuz this is it The real magic of this day lays in choices You have the complete liberty to do everything that makes you happy- be it sleeping, eating, working out, or sometimes even working. It’s a priceless no strings attached deal, that you only get once a week. And then comes Sunday, the most debated day ever Some say it’s the first day of the week, others say it’s the last, some say it’s a chill day, and others the Sabbath but either way Sunday is supposed to be fun day and for many reasons it is, you usually see more family than friends while alternating between sleeping off the lingering residue of Friday & Saturday and watching sports And even though the Sunday vibe usually encourages you to chill but if you can manage to peel yourself off the couch to get your ass into gear, it’s actually worth it. Crowds that party on a Sunday night are just a bad-ass mix of people: hospitality types, soccer moms, hipsters, but cool hipsters and all kinds of liberated folk who’ve thrown their Monday responsibilities to the wind. And then it happens, the emotional shift The moment you begin to feel the impending dread of Monday being right around the corner. Yeah, Monday keeps fucking coming back And none of the stupid top 10 ways to make your Monday’s better suggestions actually work like 1. Identifying the problem, Monday, Monday is the fucking problem Or 2. Planning Ahead, like how do you plan ahead for the unknown abyss that is the life suck they call Monday? You can’t Or my favorite 3. Start the week on the right foot. As if that isn’t at the core of my heart's desire, as If anyone wants to start the week of on the wrong foot The more I think about this Maybe it is Monday’s fault after all Yeah Fuck Monday.
1 minutes | Dec 11, 2020
Fvck Monday | Official Trailer
Love and Hip Hop Combines in Fvck Monday, A Rom-Com Audio Movie About One Lost Weekend and Mondays Forever Sucking. With everything at home and at work seemingly falling apart A weekend away is just what lifelong friends and podcasters Dutch and Chill need but things get a little cloudy when one of them bumps into the girl who never knew she got away in this highly relatable and equally awkward stoner rom com. Cheers to the Freakin Weekend...Fvck Monday. Streaming Everywhere Spring 2021
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