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The entire universe is on fire following the Snowjob in Seattle, and the collective Google search queries for terms like "simultaneous possession,""offensive pass interference,""drunken officiating" and "Golden Tate" broke the Internet. It's a traveshamockery, and we just wouldn't be the Football Ranters if we didn't rant about it to no end -- so we do in this week's episode! We also discuss the general chaos that has dominated the first three weeks of the 2012 season, desperately trying to make sense from the nonsensical and salvage our own sanity in the process. You'll also get a fresh dose of You F*cking Suck, HOUSE and The Danchise's new strategy for picking games, which can't possibly yield any worse results than usual. We're all getting screwed here, Lunatics, so let's get screwed together.

In the collective quest to humiliate, degrade and demoralize a single fan base as much as possible, the Cleveland Browns have outdone their brethren once again, this time by blowing a 2013 second round pick on unproven Baylor/Utah-ish wideout Josh Gordon. Ranter and The Danchise have more than a few thoughts on that, just as they do on Breesus' new deal (smart!), Terrell Owens (dumb!) and Adrian Peterson's arrest (dubious at best!). Plus, with the preseason almost upon us, fantasy football time is just around the corner. Your fearless co-hosts have cooked up a half-brained fantasy challenge (http://http://footballranters.com/2012/07/13/the-football-ranter-vs-the-danchise-ironman-fantasy-challenge/)and to compete against one another in, all so you can laugh at how dumb they are. Drink it all in, Lunatics.

Roll out the red carpet and cue the wrap up music, it's time for the 1st Annual Ranties Awards! The 2012 NFL Draft is in the books, but now find out who is taking home the real prize: a completely imaginary and in no way tangible award based on the subjective opinion of a couple guys who talk about football on the radio! (Note: that gives us exactly as much credibility as everyone else throwing around arbitrary draft grades.) From the biggest reach to the worst hug to the best all around draft, we'll bestow these much sought after awards upon their deserving winners. Plus, don't miss the latest editions of BUSTED, Incomplete Headlines and Football 101. Oh, and our own edition of arbitrary draft grades will be published on FootballRanters (http://www.footballranters.com).com later in the week. Just 3 months until the Hall of Fame Game, Lunatics.

The draft is here! The draft is here! Well, close enough, anyway. In honor of the most awesome offseason event the NFL can reasonably offer us, Ranter and The Danchise look back over the draft history of every team. We decide who is the best, who sucks the most and who will be next for each and every team in the league. We also check in with the team from Shorty's (http://www.shortysnyc.com), the host bar of the 1st Annual Football Ranters NFL Draft Party (http://footballranters.com/2012/04/10/football-ranters-nfl-draft-party/). All that plus new editions of Incomplete Headlines, Football 101 and BUSTED! Don't forget to enter our mock draft contest (http://footballranters.com/2012/04/19/2012-mock-draft-contest/)-- it's free and you can win great prizes. Next week, we give kneejerk reactions and arbitrary grades to your favorite teams based on our perception of their draft performance. It's a party all the time, Lunatics.

With the NFL Draft just about a week away, the Football Ranters are ready to send off this year's draft class, high school yearbook style. Find out which classmate you would most want to hang out with and who to stay far away from after graduation. We also got a healthy dose of listener mail this week, which we will dive into face-first. All that, plus we check on the quasi-prophetic ramblings of Lisbeth Salander's uncle, refer to Kim Kardashian way too many times and learn about how to keep score when you're tipsy (http://www.scorzie.com). More NFL Draft content will be live on our site (http://footballranters.com)as the big day approaches, and be sure to RSVP for our big draft party in NYC (http://www.facebook.com/events/192420860875030/). Just one more show until the draft, Lunatics.

What happens around the Football Ranters when nothing happens in the NFL? Well, we do what anyone would do: we get drunk and do a mock draft. The results are stupefying, as listeners of this week's episode will quickly discover. There's more than just that tomfoolery, however-- we delve into some more prospect scouting reports, learn who was BUSTED this week and talk to the man behind the greatest innovation in tailgate party history (http://ultimatetailgator.com). An updated -- and sober! -- mock draft will be up on FootballRanters.com (http://www.footballranters.com)later in the week, and don't forget about our NFL Draft Party (http://www.facebook.com/events/192420860875030/). Be there or be a quadrilateral, Lunatics.

This past week was so slow for the NFL, a handful of current and former players had nothing to do but smoke weed and break into houses-- ALLEGEDLY. Never fear, though, as the Football Ranters are never afraid to scrape up the very dregs from the bottom of the barrel to pique your interest in football. Through the most trying of times, we will always be there, even when the NFL promises new uniforms that turn out to absolutely suck, and even when The Danchise continues to not know which NFL players are which. We also have a big announcement this week regarding the NFL Draft while the Ranter begins his on air draft coverage in earnest. Speaking of which, there will be new mock drafts up every week on FootballRanters.com (http://www.footballranters.com), where you can also learn more details about our draft party and upcoming mock draft contest. It's April, Lunatics!

The mighty wrath of Goodell has reared its ugly head once again, casting out Gregg Williams to a potential lifetime of exile, in much the same way Elway has exiled Tebow to the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah of NYC. Your hosts have plenty to say about these pieces of league-shaking news, plus a healthy dose of incomplete headlines, two new segments and some mail from the loyal Lunatics. Suck it all in, Lunatics -- this is the most fun you can have in the offseason.

It's official: Peyton Manning is a Bronco, and so ends the biggest story of this offseason. Your hosts find more questions than answers in this turn of events, and break down each of those questions one by one. After discussing all things Godfather, Ranter and The Danchise turn their attention to grading the freshest crop of free agent signings and following up on all those "Price is Right" segments. Also, ever wonder what would happen if The Danchise were to call out Sports Illustrated's Peter King on Twitter? Well, it happened, and the results weren't pretty. Tune in for more, and check out our website (http://www.footballranters.com)as we ramp up for the 2012 NFL Draft.

Free agency time is here once more, and the spending spree has begun. The Ranters grade the big moves from Tuesday afternoon, as well as breaking down the two recent blockbuster trades. Listeners can looking forward to hearing answers to the tough questions: Did the Redskins overpay for RGIII? Can the Browns be good this year? And just who does Roger Goodell think he is, anyway? If that's not enough ranting for you just yet, check out our website (http://www.footballranters.com)for the daily quote, comprehensive mock draft and more stellar NFL content, all shoved straight into your face holes.

Bounties, bounties everywhere, but not a leg to break. Both the Ranter and The Danchise are up in arms about Bountygate this week, a scandal that has not only shamed New Orleans, but also threatens to impact the NFL cities of Buffalo, Washington, Nashville, Jacksonville and St. Louis. Yes, we hate Gregg Williams plenty, but that's not all. We also take the time to actually figure out what the franchise tag is, who now wears it, who will soon be rid of it and who has dodged it. All that, plus the latest installments of "Make Me a Contender" and "The Price is Right." If that's not quite enough to feed your football jones, check out the Ranter's latest mock draft on our website (http://www.footballranters.com).

Like methadone to a heroin addict, so is the scouting combine to the fan's raging football habit in the absence of an NFL season. This week, your fearless co-hosts mainline a syringe of 40 times and bench press reps to stem the tide of nausea and violent shakes that accompany your withdrawal symptoms. The Ranter tracks the biggest risers and fallers and the combine, while The Danchise joins the Church of Robert Griffin III. All the combine news you could possibly care about, plus the latest installments of "The Price is Right" and "Make Me a Contender." Be sure to see how the combine results affect our official mock draft, which will be published on our website (http://www.footballranters.com)in the coming weeks.

The hosts make every attempt to help football fans keep it together without their precious intravenous hits of that sweet, sweet pigskin. A startling amount of sanity carries the day as your two loyal hosts discuss Brandon Carr's price tag, only to give way to unbridled discord when it comes to injecting new life into the Jacksonville Jaguars. We revisit the Jaws era of Monday Night Football, review the effects of the new kickoff rules (further analysis available on our website (http://www.footballranters.com)starting on Thursday) and openly mock Brady Quinn. It's the next best thing to actual NFL football, so dig in and enjoy.

The Ranter opens by giving Atlanta wide receiver Roddy White a free lesson in economics, then goes through the headlines with the Danchise and makes the worst joke in show history. Fortunately, the pair pick things up by showing everyone how to make a terrible team a contender just by adding Jason Campbell. The Danchise then finds the best endorsement deal for a trio of players and wraps things up with some off-season predictions. at our website - link to http://www.footballranters.com (http://www.footballranters.com)

As great as the Super Bowl was, it's left your faithful hosts in a state of depression, as even the Ranter himself has trouble mustering his trademark venom. Still, both he and The Danchise fight off the blues (and maybe pop some amphetamines) long enough to argue about Ahmad Bradshaw, giggle at Rob Gronkowski and tackle Tom Coughlin's Hall of Fame resume. All that, plus the latest chapter in the Peyton/Eli debate, a very special Super Bowl edition of "You F*cking Suck" and a healthy bucket of Haterade gets dumped all over the Boston metro area by the Danchise. Get your fix throughout the offseason at our website (http://www.footballranters.com), where the season never really ends.

Even The Football Ranters are in a good mood this week, as the most magical week in the manic sports year is finally upon us: Super Bowl Sunday. Fear not, though, it's not all sunshine and smiles from your curmudgeonly hosts, as Ranter hates the bye week and The Danchise is flat out bored. Listen in for our Super Bowl prediction, tips on hosting a great viewing party, a Pro Bowl edition of You Fucking Suck and the triumphant return of HOUSE. All that and more gets shoved straight into your face holes in this episode and at our website, footballranters.com (http://www.footballranters.com).

Fresh off two of the most exciting games of the year, both hosts have plenty of hate to mete out for some offending conference championship goats. The font of pre-Super Bowl buzz makes for a deluxe edition of Incomplete Headlines, and we discuss Peyton Manning's latest media tantrum. Find out if you despise the Pro Bowl as much as the Ranter does, but remember: this is NOT a Super Bowl preview show. Seriously. To follow all the rants, musings and quasi-drunken tweets, check out our website (http://www.footballranters.com).

Two NFC heavyweights went down hard last week, and that crazy coaching carousel just won't stop spinning. The Football Ranter and The Danchise offer their unique takes on these situations, as well as offering headline editing assistance, piling on Jacoby Jones and exacting another helping of hate for Scott Pioli. Stick around both host's picks and predictions for the upcoming Conference Championships, plus The Danchise's stellar statistical stylings. Supplementary content will be available on our website (http://www.footballranters.com)starting on Thursday morning.

Wild card weekend lived up to its billing in more ways than one, as the Ranter goes off on the weekend's officiating crews. Meanwhile the Danchise takes us all through another spin on the NFL coaching carousel and doles out some hate to Detroit cornerback Aaron Berry. Finally the pair previews the divisional round and locks in their predictions. now online on our website. - link to http://www.footballranters.com (http://www.footballranters.com)

With the dawn of a New Year comes the dawn of the NFL's second season. It also marks the the Ranter's return from his Caribbean exile, just in time to share his true feelings about Mike Tomlin, Raheem Morris and Steve Spagnuolo. There's plenty of hate to go around for old friends of the program like Santonio Holmes, as well. The Danchise offers up some sage statistical advice for predicting the upcoming playoff games, and both hosts offer their informed and sophisticated (read: immature) analysis of this weekend's big matchups. Don't miss all that and more, plus the newest version of our mock draft now online on our website (http://www.footballranters.com).