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26 minutes | a year ago
Spiritual Bypassing: How Personal Development Might Actually Be Stunting Your Influence
In today’s world, modern women have turned from “taboo” vices to things like self-help, meditation, yoga, prayer and special nutrition to alter consciousness. All in the quest to “feel good” at all times. But what we Femmefluencers really need is to see the big picture and learn how to be present with both the light and the dark emotions. I’m showing you how on this episode. Your episode worksheet: Femmefluence.com/ep17 Key Points from this Episode The toxic brew women create to divide ourselves and play into a system called the patriarchy that harms ourselves, our relationships and our connection to other women and men who we could be instead linking arms with and building longer tables is called pink slime. Spiritual bypassing is a form of pink slime that’s highly visible on social media. I am a self-proclaimed personal development junkie. I’m obsessed with why humans behave a certain way. I've become fascinated with the ways in which we try to feel endlessly good. We've gotten progressively more skillful in our methods as humans, turning away from “taboo” vices like drugs or alcohol to alter our consciousness and turning towards things like self-help, books, meditation, yoga, prayer and special diets. We are now spiritually distracting ourselves from our feelings, thinking that we're walking a healthy spiritual path as a result of calling these spiritual things better than who we were before. Now. This is why we as women have to get real with the level of influence we desire and acknowledge the pink slime in our lives because it is getting in the way. There is a myth that is causing a lot of harm goes a little something like this. ‘I have to feel good to be happy.’ Or another way to put it. ‘In order for me to do it, it has to feel good.’ Now straight up this is fucking up good women everywhere. Spiritual bypassing is a real problem in the personal growth movement and it's also part of the mindset and performance coaching industry that many of us invest our time, energy and money in. These things aren't bad things, but I'm here in this episode to show you all of the sides that it could be affecting you, and worse creating pink slime in you. How does spiritual bypassing show up? In quick fix inspirational quotes trying to summarize, complex issues in single pithy statements. It shows up in New York Times bestselling books. It shows up in people's advice to just be grateful. It shows up in self-prescribed gurus who according to their PR stories, suffer from depression and anxiety until they woke up one day, realized they didn't have to feel negative feelings anymore, and boom, all of those negative feelings went away. Spiritual bypassing is an experience of reacting to things that don't feel good. It’s a defense mechanism that looks prettier but still serves the same purpose, shielding us from the truth. It disconnects us from our feelings and helps us avoid the big picture. It's more about checking out than checking in, and the difference is so subtle that we usually don't know that we're doing it. Now the shorthand for spiritual bypassing is platitude rather than gratitude, arriving rather than being, avoiding rather than accepting. Sometimes self-care is actually about taking care of ourselves, unplugging from too much work and plugging into more balance and harmony, right? But sometimes under the guise of self-care, we're really just checking out, denying what's happening and how scary it feels to show up for life on any given day. The idea or fantasy that one way or one thought or one blueprint will give us all of the things we need to get the things that we want. And we think especially in the form of spiritual practice, that these should afford us. The freedoms from the messiness of life as though perfection is an attainable standard, and that's especially true in social media overload and feeling the new mental concerns around Fomo or imposter syndrome, right? Many times we’re falling for the idea or fantasy that one thought or blueprint will give us all the things we need to get the things we want. Oftentimes in the form of our spiritual practice. But what we’re really doing here is striving for perfection as if it’s an attainable standard. We need to remember instead that spiritual practice and emotional growth are not about achieving a particular quality of feeling, aka only feeling good. Being a human being on a spiritual journey isn't about getting cash and prizes all the time. It's instead about being in the present moment, whatever it happens to look like. There is something very necessary about being who and where you are. If I become present to who I am, all of me. There is a lot there that I usually don't want to see. Right? For most people, this consensus of shame, anxiety, anger, loneliness, self-loathing, are our dark side and the list goes on and on. Who really wants to be present to all of that darkness. But the more that I've tried to personally rise above it or turn my back to it, the more it has lingered. Waiting, almost growing in size, getting bigger and still feeling painful. Finally, I had to turn around and face it and the most amazing thing happened. I didn't die. That's the good news. It didn't swallow me whole like I thought it would. In fact, by recognizing that so-called dark stuff that was there, I could finally experience and own what was light and right about me. I believe there is discernment between what you share and what you keep for yourself. I'm a big believer in asking myself before I post anything, is there a lesson in sharing this with others? DoI have intention around sharing wisdom or am I just throwing a grenade for performative or selfish reasons? An especially prevalent form of spiritual bypassing is saying that negative situation you've been through is there to teach you something. So get over it. Right? This is spiritual bypassing cloaked with personal development, transformation, and encouragement. It’s an example of pink sliming another person not acknowledging that those feelings are real. Spiritual bypassing also excludes solutions. I’m sharing 4 ways you can see spiritual bypassing in your own life, and instead of choosing apathy, how you can choose leadership femmefluence style instead! One - Avoiding Conflict. Think about the easy-going, nice guy or gal that you’ve met.. They're easy to spot when mistreated or insulted. They don't acknowledge the other person as being hurtful or even abusive towards them. They have a hard time accepting their own personal experience of being frustrated, disrespected, or hurt. Most of the time they ignore that experience by making excuses for the bad behavior. Solution: Say this out loud. “I am not a doormat. I'm a leader.” Two - Deferring to the guru or “other leader.” This behavior feeds our unconscious emotional needs to be validated, to feel special, to feel loved, and to feel important. It also denotes an irrational fantasy of the girl putting her capacities and her thoughts and ideas on a pedestal under the surface. The narrative that's running in the situation is that the ther leader has something special and unique to give you that you don't already have. And as such, you need to be seen as worthy to receive it. Solution: Girl, please stop putting Regina on a pedestal or thinking that you have to become Regina in order to gain respect or power. Three - Suppressing feelings and/or needs. There is a tendency to suppress needs to avoid being seen as needy or as having low spiritual development or being a source of bad or negative vibes. Solution: communicate them first, stop letting the wounded child run the show. Four - Seeking to be a more evolved leader means we aren’t evolved at all. These thoughts make us question our personal ambitions and whether we should be ambitious at all. I've had women challenge my ambition by judging it as not being feminine. I've actually had men do that to me too. Solution: Understand both sides are supporting your growth as a values-driven influencer. You can have a bad day and still be a spiritual leader, person, woman, fan, or influencer.
28 minutes | a year ago
Relationships: What About Your Friends?
When you’re a busy, driven, ambitious woman, having real friendships with other grown women can be difficult. It’s not easy to create time, space and energy to nurture relationships - so what are we supposed to do? In this episode we talk about the reality that is creating authentic friendships and prioritizing what we look for in other women. Your episode worksheet: Femmefluence.com/ep16 Key Points from this Episode: Friendship has always been a love / wanna be loved relationship for me. If you’ve just joined us on Femmefluence Radio, you may have heard my story of being heavily bullied growing up. So bullied that during the summers when we were out of school I was actually more scared than when we were in school - because it gave the bullies (all girls) more time to harass me. I spent a few summers literally without hair on my head because of being what we called in our little town “mobbed” when I was out and about. The few friends that I had, I cherished. But I did dream of a day when I’d have girls around me who not only had my back, but that I could have deep, meaningful relationships with. That I could bring myself fully to. I wanted that Sex in the City life - I wanted my personal Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte (of course I was Carrie because #shoes)... But in my early 20s, instead of making that a priority, I was swept up with marriage, motherhood, career...my few friends growing up were definitely on a different track than me - we had zero in common. I grieved that because the 2 friends I actually had growing up felt so distant. I thought I’d never have life-giving, nourishing, REAL-ationships with women in the way I dreamed ever. I felt envy for those those that seemed to have those girlfriend trips, book clubs, hangouts at church and after-work mixers - and it wasn’t that I wasn’t invited, I just felt that I didn’t belong. But I also knew that the type of women I wanted to become close with had to have at least a few qualities and values that made our interactions meaningful and deep. I abhor small talk so if I was going to spend time away from my kids and career, I wanted to create relationships that had a few things in common: ambitious and unapologetic about it, loved travel, and invested in personal development. Optional: they had kids or a family life that has high on the priority list without being a victim to it. Also wasn’t overly sensitive and understood that we’re all busy, but were committed to each other in a “be there for you in a kind of way”. Basically, I was always looking to build a relationship with grown women who genuinely cared. I honestly didn’t know it they existed because of my former programming and beliefs growing up. Plus, let’s get real: LIFE can totally get in the way. But it’s becoming even more important in today’s world (and it won’t be getting easier with technology replacing connection IRL). Western societies have become more socially isolated over the decades because of all of it. And it’s causing major health issues - mentally and physically. Any amount of increase in our social isolation would be bad news, because friendship isn't just about fun, fellowship and emotional health. Having friends can improve physical health, too. So my friend listening in here...here’s why WE need to make friendship a priority in our lives - while having discernment around who gets to have our time and energy (because hello, we’re ambitious women changing the world - we need to be sentinels of our time, while being with a squad that supports us) Here are the top 3 reasons why FRIENDSHIP makes us more effective Femmefluencers: Friends may extend your life and generally, make you healthier and sharper People who have strong social relationships are less likely to die prematurely than people who are isolated. In fact, according to a 2010 review of research, the effect of social ties on life span is twice as strong as that of exercising, and equivalent to that of quitting smoking. Friendships also keep your mind sharp - having friends who make you feel like you belong may be a key for better physical health. A 2012 study found that older people's dementia risk increased with their feelings of loneliness. If we live longer (and feel good while living) we can help more people. Friends influence us (for better or worse) Obesity is contagious, screamed headlines, after a 2007 study that found that when one person packed on extra pounds, his or her friends were more likely to become obese, too. But there was an overlooked bright side to the research, which appeared in the New England Journal of Medicine. Thinness spread like social wildfire, too. Your BFFs can help you through tough stuff As the song goes, We all need somebody to lean on and research on cancer patients finds that when the going gets tough, friends can help because friends can help you cope with rejection Not all social relationships can go smoothly, unfortunately. But when they don't, friends can help you pick up the pieces. [The Science of Breakups: 7 Facts About Splitsville] A 2011 study on fourth-graders found that having friends helped kids cope with the stress of being picked on or rejected by other classmates. The researchers measured cortisol, a stress hormone, in their study participants' saliva and found that being excluded by their peers raised the kids' cortisol levels, probably indicating chronic stress. (Getting picked on didn't raise cortisol levels, the researchers reported in the journal Child Development, suggesting that getting left out may hurt more than getting attention in a negative way.) But the cortisol increase that came with being excluded was less pronounced in kids who had more friendships or closer friendships, compared with those who had few or low-quality friendships. In my 30’s I started getting serious about filling the friendship void I felt in my life. I had a few sweet friends, but in all honesty, they always felt like I had to conform to make it work for them - “Jen how come you’re not coming to the potluck?” So I started to see how I had to show up to make what I wanted happen. I got therapy specifically to work on this area of my life - relationships. I knew that I had to start with me first and only that would change who would start showing up in my life. I looked for places where I thought grown women would be - and bravely stepped into them (and I hate going to places where I don’t know anyone!). I joined things that I had genuine interest in my life - a book club, a women’s executive group, and scheduled actual play time weekly with my daughters and other moms. If I’m being honest, I hated it at first, but part of making a transformation is 1) being uncomfortable, and 2) seeing it though. I started inviting people to have small meet-ups over coffee with me - to get out of the house on the weekends and to do one of my favorite things, coffee! My dear friend @Jadah Sellner, has taught me so much about friendship, and has a few tips that she shared on Instagram that have truly made me a better friend. I’ll let you check it out (her info will be in the shownotes) but the main one that really hit home for me is: Don’t take things personally. Keep asking and inviting - people are busy and it’s usually not personal if they can’t make it. Whew. Because of my upbringing that felt like the hugest risk - the risk for rejection. But one other thing that I started doing the past couple years is being 100% available for Squad Trips with my 3 closest gal pals - Jadah, Nikki and Nicole. All 3 of us are running global businesses, have families to care for, and travel quite a bit, especially for events and speaking. Still, once a quarter we choose a place to intersect, integrate, be ourselves, catch up, eat meals together and talk about #allthethings. Mostly things that we keep sacred for ourselves, out of the public eye and only shared with people we trust. It’s not inauthentic to not share everything with everyone just because social media gives us the opportunity to NOT filter ourselves. Our time together is a respite outside of our families to discuss anything that’s on our mind, not ready or available for outside consumption. In between, we have a channel on the Voxer app where we can chat it up but there’s no pressure to check-in on a schedule. We jump on when we can, and when we want to share something or ask for support too. Just a few years ago this would’ve been something that I would have not prioritized, but now it’s an anchor on my calendar - an event as important as my business ones, my family trips and my nail + brow appointments, ok? Making new friends as an adult can feel a little awkward, so here are some ideas to think about outside of what I’ve already shared. Talk about your passion. You’ll attract others who are passionate about the same things as you if you share those things - love reading, music, fashion, science, Peloton? Having shared interests help start creating community and new friends will naturally vibe towards you. Values-driven discernment. This show is all about that, and if you live your life aligned with your values, those that have the same and/or linked values with yours will show up. Mine are autonomy, justice, generosity, legacy and leadership, and I actually enjoy having my own business and love talking about it; for some people that bore the hell out of them. For me, a woman walking her values is the epitome of integrity, and someone I like to spend time with. Be a better friend to YOURSELF. Have you ever done a solo date? Totally enjoyed yourself with yourself? Doing this on a regular basis tells you what you really love, and how you show up for yourself. And that energy radiates with the people you want attract and connect with. Be a contributor and generous, but let your friends know when you’re needing some boundaries around a deadl
13 minutes | 2 years ago
Activation: Connecting the HOW with your WHY and WHAT
It’s time to activate your dream by influencing others to support your goals. In this age of technology & information, it has been easier to connect the how with your why and what. Join us as we talk about using online and offline mechanisms to grow your influence. Your episode worksheet: Femmefluence.com/ep15 Key Points from this Episode: If you’re listening in to this show, you’re a world-changer and global leader. You want to help so many people with your message and live a life designed by your values. You want your Femmefluence to spread like wildfire, yes? There are a number of ways that you can connect with your audience and deliver your message. The messenger needs the right machines to ride their message on. This is an era where it’s never been easier to communicate your why, what and how to other people. Life moves much faster now that technology and information are both very accessible. The rate at which we deal with change and uncertainty can feel insane. But the best way to be equipped for these changes is to be persistent and consistent in the way we show in the world. Persistence pays, and consistency builds credibility. The two main machines to activate your message and grow your platform are: Online Activation Social Media Presence where your audience is and where you enjoy creating a conversation Online Seminars, Classes, Webinars, Challenges where you engage and interact with people and speak on what you know Creating gifts people can download and experience that provide value and really show off your experience and expertise. Offline Activation Creating demonstrations of your products in person Having Influencers showcase your products and services to an aligned audience Creating supporting products to support your digital offerings, like workbooks, journals, planners and other swag that create more of a tactile experience And the most potent way to engage your audience - meeting them in person through a seminar, workshop, conference that you put together to gather like-minded people with each other, and to teach your methods. This is you building your own stage - and you can start with just a few people in the room to get started. There’s so much money in your backyard aka town/city and gold at your feet. Growing a local brand that turns into a global brand is a great way to make profit Digital Impact and Analog Impact combined are the most potent way for you to build your platform aka Femmefluence. In fact, the women I’ve worked with using this strategy have made no less than $350K applying it. Those are real numbers and I know they’re available to you if you apply them too. I teach an advanced workshop on this called the Master Brand Accelerator where women like us gather to learn and apply these two activation methods in the most powerful way. It’s also an invitation to my home city in the San Francisco Bay Area. Would you like to meet me in person and let me help you ACTIVATE your brand? Over the past few episodes I’ve been sharing ways you can grow your affluence and influence by building a Master Brand. But what about the other aspect of our life? The ones that support and nourish us - but also sometimes feel hard to balance, like relationships, health and our inner work? Based on what you’ve been asking me to talk about, RELATIONSHIPS are the top of the list, because let’s face it, they can be tough when you’re a woman on a mission. And sometimes they hurt, really bad. I’m going to share some stories of when relationships didn’t feel good at all, and what I did to get better at being in them on our next episode.
24 minutes | 2 years ago
Aesthetics: The Iconic Stamp that Marks Your Personal Brand
Highly influential brands have been using psychology based aesthetics to influence people for centuries. This episode of Femmefluence Radio is your opportunity to learn how to do the same. You’ll learn the 5-categories that go into highly influential aesthetics and begin the process of ideating on how to incorporate them into your personal brand. Your episode worksheet: Femmefluence.com/ep14 Key Points from this Episode **If you want to focus on a specific category in today’s episode, here’s a quick list Color Psychology Now onto the episode: Part of standing out in the world, and the area of branding that usually has the most interest - is how a brand looks and feels. This is known as Aesthetics Color Typography Symbology Function Relevance; can better stand out in the world. Women who use the power of Aesthetics are more than putting on a pretty face in the world through your website or social media. It is in fact a cognitive science If you’re geeky AND glamorous like me, you’ll appreciate this episode because it’s a masterclass in how to use Aesthetic Impact to build up your affluence and influence. The first category up is Color Psychology:
13 minutes | 2 years ago
Audience: Finding the Others Who Have Been Looking for You
Intimately knowing the people who will support your path is mandatory as you step further into your Femmefluence. The better you understand your audience, the more easily and effectively you can persuade them to aligning with your end goal. In this episode of Femmefluence Radio, host Jennifer Kem talks audience building, where to start, and testing your ideas out. Key Points from this Episode: The key to getting what you really want is having the certainty and confidence you to have the real conversations necessary with the right people to enroll decision-makers in to your ideas, close sales and create movements Knowing your real audience and what they care about will save you so much time and money, it’s practically priceless. What would be possible for you if you knew how to read the minds of the people you want to influence? People don’t care about the messenger or the message, unless they know how the messenger and message supports getting what they want or how they can eliminate something that’s bringing pain in their life. That’s why it’s important to not just know what you learned in the last episode about Archetypes - you must learn what your Audience desires or wants to avoid. Most people who teach how to build a personal and professional brand don’t tell you that it’s the Archetype and the Audience that’s required to get rich and recognized.
23 minutes | 2 years ago
Archetypes: Accessing the Soul and Source of your Femmefluence
Archetypes are psychological patterns that people use as filters to interact with the world. As a Femmefluencer, knowing the Archetype you use most naturally allows to you most easily enroll others into your vision. In this episode of Femmefluence, we dive deep into Archetypes, what they are and how to learn yours. Key Points from this Episode There are a ton of ways to assess your personality Humans LOVE learning more about what they’re about it. From horoscopes to assessments for work like DISC and Strengthfinders, to personal assessments like Enneagram and Myers-Brigg, there are a lot of ways to be curious about what makes you and others tick. For 21 years I’ve been obsessed with why humans do things - it’s ultimately why I became a brand futurist - I support brands to create strategies that help them understand why people consume and buy things - especially products and services. If you’re a woman leader who wants to create more affluence and influence, you want to have these tools in your pocket too. The best way I’ve discovered to do that is an assessment I’ve created (more on that later) It all started when I was in 2nd grade. I went to a small Catholic school where all the other little girls wanted to become teachers and nurses but not me - I wanted to become the General Counsel for Coca-Cola International I didn’t end up becoming a lawyer I have navigated and advised for some of the other great brands of the world When I was 22 and fresh out of college, I pursued a career in marketing and high-tech. Here I worked as a junior copywriter (read: coffee runner) for the largest ad agency in the world. One day as I brought coffee, I listened as the account executives talked about how to better position Coca-Cola’s archetypes to beat Pepsi in sales. From that moment I fell in love with archetypes
18 minutes | 2 years ago
Amplification: Finding the Courage, Attitude and Ownership for Femmefluence
When equipped with three mindset principles, you can Amplify how you show up in the world. Join host Jennifer Kem as she teaches the importance and practicality of Courage, Attitude and Ownership in your life. Key Points from this Episode As women, we’re not only carrying too much baggage, we’re carrying a lot of trash. Especially between our ears! The distance between where you are (Point A) and where you want to be (Point B), is about 5 inches between your ears. But here’s the thing - because of lack of boundaries, mentorship, a community and a clean environment to operate in (for more on that, visit our episode on being Values-Driven) we tend to clutter up our brains with things we should not be available for. We justify these things as necessary to how our lives are set up. So much so that we’re calling that trash recycled and claiming ourselves eco-friendly! HAH! But in all seriousness, that’s just a metaphor for the word insanity - hoping and doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. Of the CEOs who lead the companies that make up the 2018 Fortune 500 list, out today, just 22 are women. That number is down 25 percent from last year's record-breaking 32 female CEOs, the highest share of women since the Fortune's first 500 list in 1955. There are now only 22 women CEOs in the Fortune 500 index. Not one is black. None of the women who are no longer CEOs were replaced by other women. The glass ceiling persists at Fortune 500 companies, especially for women of color. The main factor claimed for lack of women at the top is that there needs to be a better pipeline to build those leaders up.
11 minutes | 2 years ago
Why We Need You to Build Your Personal Brand Now
Building a personal brand is the difference between being just another face in the office or being the baller shot caller around the places you work being recognized for what you contribute. By strategically and accurately communicating your values, beliefs, goals, and purpose, you can establish a public persona that enrolls decision makers, closes sales and creates movements. If you want more of that, this episode is for you. Key Points from this Episode: Creating a personal brand is imperative to creating more influence and affluence in your life, whether you own your own business or you work inside of a company. Think about the most influential people who rise within an organization. I bet you can describe the way they talk, walk, dress, who they ally with, the projects they’ve led...that means they’ve built a personal brand, one that others consider having influence over people and decisions. Personal branding refers to the process of establishing your public persona for your target audience. It involves carefully and accurately communicating your values, beliefs, goals, and purpose. Today, there are more women in the workplace, but as we talked about in Episodes 1 and 4, there is a disparity in pay and opportunities when it comes to high-level roles and corner office spots. In the entrepreneurial world, gaining funding for founders and entrepreneurs who fund using revenue (what a concept, and I’ll talk about that in a future Femmefluence episode)...need to build personal brands in order to be known and trusted.
22 minutes | 2 years ago
Imperfection: We’re Made of Glorious Grace and Grit
Fear of perfection is ingrained in us as humans and doubly so as women. The fear of failure and not being good enough puts us into cycle of expectation, doubt and ironically, failure. We need to change the culture of imperfection, embracing it for all of the great things it creates for us. Join me in this episode as I share the beauty of imperfect action taking and the importance of being supported when showing up imperfectly. Key Points from this Episode: If you’re anxious, a perfectionist, worried about what other people think of you, afraid you won’t get it right when you share, overstressed, overworked, disconnected, lonely, unhappy then this episode is meant just for you. It’s also for women who are ready to face and say “F you!” to fear. There’s no such thing as a quick fix or a pill. As one of my good friends, mentors and former client Lisa Nichols says,
17 minutes | 2 years ago
Values-Driven: Being Rewarded for Who You Are Authentically through the Power of Story
In this episode, I dive deep into the framework that I’ve used to strengthen myself, my life and my business - Values-Driven. Now at the nucleus of everything I do, I use this framework to enroll women into stepping into their power and sharing the story that calls to those who believe the same thing. This episode is a must listen for any woman that wants to masterfully create more influence and affluence in her life. Key Points from this Episode When it comes to being “feminine”, “womanly” even “feminist” - there isn’t a way to do it wrong, because there isn’t one way to be a woman. One of the struggles women who are ambitious have is fitting into society’s vision of what we’re supposed to look like. Taller, thinner, more outspoken, less aggressive, not too negative, never angry - hell, never in our feelings at all.
29 minutes | 2 years ago
Ambition: Unapologetic Pursuit of Success and Why We Need You
The message to “be the best you can be” for young girls can be a huge smack in the face as we grow older - because even though many strides have happened over the years, this message has limitations based on gender. In today’s episode I unpack the topic of ambition for women and the cultural stigma we need to overcome in order to be supported and respected for our pursuits of purpose. Your episode worksheet: Femmefluence.com/ep7 Key Points from this Episode Many women (me included) were taught at a young age that it is commendable to be ambitious and to be the best you can be. I got that message growing up. I also got the message to expect to have to have a tidy household, to make sure my husband felt manly and to be more feminine, and to not trust anyone outside of my family. Talk about confusing! Ambitious men are supported, encouraged, and recognized for their achievements. Ambitious women are often viewed negatively; their right to reach advanced status is sometimes denied, and their motives are often questioned. Ambitious women are sometimes seen as nasty, self-serving, and unlikeable. I’m certainly not immune or not guilty of this. I became a feminist who wanted to prove women wrong - weird right? What I REALLY wanted is to find a posse of women who had the ambition to change the world together. I recently went to a retreat for women where I thought I belonged. It was amazing. I gave this particular retreat a glowing review before I left. And after the fact I found out that it was not as it appeared. That person expected because they had done that at their event for me to do the same. Whenever you do something with the expectation of taking, instead of the expectation of giving, it puts a sour taste in the other person's mouth. And we tend to do that with women. High-profile successful women have a complicated relationship with ambition. Savannah Guthrie’s comment at a Real Simple/TIME Women & Success event in 2015 that she “hates the word ambition and thinks it’s impolite” is indicative of the negative nuances we as women associate with power and ambition. (I wonder how she felt about Matt Lauer as her showmate for all those years #hmm) Where does our discomfort with ambition come from? Society tends to be overly critical of powerful and ambitious women. In one New York Times Op-ed, the author notes that although women have made some progress in reaching powerful positions in the political and corporate world, “Progress is not inevitable, though, nor is it fixed. The country has a complicated relationship with powerful women: They have to keep proving themselves over and over again, being twice as good, and dragging one woman through the process doesn’t make it easier for those who follow.” Another article in Fortune speaks to how former presidential candidates Carly Fiorina and Hillary Clinton were measured against the conventional idea of female behavior with Clinton labeled as “overbearing and shrill.”
26 minutes | 2 years ago
Connection: Friendship, Trust and Vulnerability sans Pink Slime
Our mission in Femmefluence Nation is to build longer tables - for us and the women who are looking for The Others like us. We want to shift the idea of “The Others” to “The Many” and shift minority thinking into the new status quo. Join me in this episode as I share the process that creates real connection between women to build deep, trusting, intimate, vulnerable relationships and eliminates pink slime from our interactions. Key Points from this Episode Pink Slime is the enemy of Femmefluence, and Connection is the Cure. The Halo Effect - when we grow together, we amplify our results The Butterfly Effect - when we focus on transforming ourselves, the faster the world around us transforms There’s a huge case for Connection: REALationships over REELationships - finding the relationships that are really authentic can be confusing in this world of over-sharing and comparitis. Loneliness is an epidemic, especially for women who identify as ambitious. I read this startling statistic recently that said lack of close, authentic relationships is as unhealthy as being a smoker. (Add that to sitting all day and as an ambitious woman I was like: damn, I’m in trouble.) For many years I had an issue with women because I felt women didn’t support me. I thought I was alone in that until I figured out that women often don’t support other women in general. And if you say otherwise, I am delighted you have women on your side! It wasn’t until I was in mid-30s that I finally figured out how to make really good women friends. But let’s be honest, they are few and far between.
28 minutes | 2 years ago
Intersectionality: Supporting the Growth of ALL Women
Intersectionality is one of the most important values in my life, it’s linked to my reverence for justice and equity, and the need to feel that I have the same opportunity as anyone in the status quo to create a life of my own design, without societal barriers getting in the way. To create opportunities for women of all colors to link arms is a key value of Femmefluence. In this episode, I share the facts of how racial and gender discrimination for women of color is a major problem THAT WE CAN CHANGE and why it is so important that women as a whole work together to create equality for all women. This is an emotionally charged, possibly uncomfortable conversation. But that tension to take part of the conversation regardless of that fact is the work required for us to build longer tables together and to create affluence and influence at a level the world has never experienced before.
22 minutes | 2 years ago
The Value of Women’s Autonomy: Conscious Affluence and Ethical Influence
When women bet on themselves, they create economies that not only grow their own personal wealth, they create influence that can be felt in their communities and in the world. In this episode, I break down how the value of Autonomy is the key to fully expressing and flexing your intellect and intuition in a bigger, bolder, more aligned way. I also share the multi-million dollar mistake that helped me to rediscover Autonomy as my top value and why I use it to filter every single decision I make - and why it’s required for women to fully own their Femmefluence. Go here to get your workbook: Femmefluence.com/ep4 Key Points from this Episode When women make money, they reinvest that money into impactful initiatives 70% or more of the time when compared to their male counterparts who traditionally reinvest 30%. Basically when womxn make more money, we invest in bigger things that change the world. Autonomy simply means self-governing. It's creating a way of life that becomes ours when we decide that our intellect and intuition are the absolute best assets we can bet on. I love to slay my day and then reward myself and my team with time off, designed by our individual goals and values. Autonomy is important because it allows us not to be controlled by an outside force. It’s not a shortcut to freedom. Instead, it's allows you to discern works best for your goals. When I left my corporate job, I needed to know in starting my first business, what I needed was to find a winner. And what I mean by that is I needed to find a business, not just based on my passions and my interests and my gifts and talents and skills but one that had a market.
29 minutes | 2 years ago
A Framework to Make Guilt-Free, Clean Decisions
Decision making is a clean process when based in your personal values. In today's episode, we dive deep into the framework I recommend every woman use to make guilt-free, clean decisions in everyday life. Be sure to get your episode worksheet: Femmefluence.com/ep3 3 Key Points of this episode: One of the most defining moments of life is the day you realize that you’re in a situation that absolutely violates your values. Work life balance is a bunch of bull. It creates self-inflicted torture because you’re constantly trying to have enough of everything and it’s simply impossible to achieve. Living a life driven by values allows you to have anything you want without having to worry about feeling bad when you say no.
18 minutes | 2 years ago
The Pink Slime Epidemic in Women's Leadership
Pink Slime is the #1 structure that holds women down and drives the ridiculous things we do to each other. In this episode, we dive deep into the mindset and structure that is Pink Slime and how we need to overcome it in order to rise into our leadership. Be sure to get your episode worksheet: Femmefluence.com/ep2 3 Key Points of this episode: Pink Slime is a construct that affects all womxn, one that encourages us to doubt ourselves and tear each other down. We have to take ownership, stand up individually and together to fight this epidemic. Womxn who are more comfortable with male friends have usually experienced severe bouts of Pink Slime from other womxn. It’s easier to hang around the guys because they’re less petty, catty, dramatic and backstabbing. But this creates the problem that is not having strong female connections. In the world of Femmefluence it's our responsibility to lift up another womxn, and that it's our job to open up the playing field for any womxn who doesn't have the same privilege or opportunity then it’s their job to put the work in.
19 minutes | 2 years ago
What is Femmefluence? What's Your Femmefluence?
Welcome to Femmefluence Radio, a show dedicated to helping women step into their influence and affluence. In this episode we dive deep into why Femmefluence and what Femmefluence means. Be sure to get your episode worksheet: Femmefluence.com/ep1 3 Key Points of this episode: Your femmefluence your unique superpower, the thing that most highlights your gifts, talents and skills. We believe it's possible to lead and link arms and build longer tables for ourselves now and for generations to come. We believe it's our responsibility to learn how to work together so that we can do good things for our economy, do good things for the people that we serve and do good things for society. Tolerations are the activities and mindsets that eat away at our time, energy and money and keeps us from living in our Femmefluence
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