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Elegant Warrior Podcast with Heather Hansen
31 minutes | Jun 14, 2021
Erica Maurer is a partner at EMRG Media and The Event Planner Expo. She is also the co-founder of Women Insider Network (WIN). Erica shares how to pivot in face of adversity, how to bring more energy to your next meeting and how the new norm is anything you want it to be. Erica’s instagram is @ericamaurer7 Her books were: Believe It by Jamie Kern Lima Undoubted by Kara Goldin Think and Grow Rich by Sharon Lechter Her song choice is We Had a Thing by Abstract Truth, Matty’s Body and Soul Remix In this episode we talked about the Blue Yeti microphone, the logitech camera and ring lights.
12 minutes | Jun 7, 2021
You’ve Got to Ask
Ever since Advocate to Win came out, I’ve received one question more than any other. “Why don’t I want to ask?” Well I have 3 answers to that question, and I’ll explain in this episode. The bottom line is you must ask. Over and over. You can’t get what you don’t ask for, so overcome the three hurdles I describe and get asking. You can buy Advocate to Win here.
32 minutes | May 31, 2021
Alden Mills led 3 Navy Seal platoons through multiple missions. He founded Perfect Fitness, which created sales of $90million. And he’s the author of two fabulous books-Be Unstoppable-The 8 Essential Actions to Success at Anything and Unstoppable Teams-4 Essential Actions of High Performance Leadership. In this episode, Alden takes us through his CARE Loop and shares why love is always the bottom line. His book choice was The Alchemist His song choice was The Best Day of My Life by The American Authors
14 minutes | May 24, 2021
Preview of the Ten Tools of an Advocate
In this episode, I share more about my next book, Advocate to Win. I tell you about the ten tools of an advocate, and how you can use them to ask for what you want and get it! You can buy Advocate to Win here. And you can listen to Judge Aquilina’s episode of The Elegant Warrior here. Don’t forget to review The Elegant Warrior book and podcast!
31 minutes | May 17, 2021
Flower Essences with Katie Hess
Katie Hess is a flower alchemist. She’s the author of Flower Evolution, the host of The Flower Lounge Podcast and the founder of Lotus Wei, one of the world’s leading floral apothecaries. You can find all of Katie’s offerings here Her book choice was Poems of the First Buddhist Women
16 minutes | May 10, 2021
Taking Back Winning
In this episode, I share why I had to name my new book Advocate to Win. And I share my definition of winning-to receive something positive because you’ve earned it. When you use this definition of winning, you don’t need to be afraid to lose. You always win, because there’s always a different something positive to receive. I share an example that has to do with presumptuous energy. Take a listen to learn more-and know that Presumptuous energy wins! You can buy a copy of my new book here. And please don’t forget to review it!
32 minutes | May 3, 2021
You Have a Jury Too with Jill Huntely Talor
Jill Huntely Taylor has been a trial consultant for 20 years. She has her PhD in social psychology and uses it to apply a story model of juror decision making. In this episode, we dive into YOUR jury, whether it’s your family, your partner, your friends or your clients and customers. We also discuss advocating for your stories using all of the tools of an advocate. Jill’s book choice was Just Mercy Her song choice was It’s Amazing by Jem
15 minutes | Apr 26, 2021
Is It Fun?
In today’s episode, I share a question that has changed many of my coaching clients’ lives. Is it fun? Too often we are pushing, striving and working so hard to achieve success that we forget the value of fun. Here I discuss just how valuable fun can be, and three questions to ask yourself every day that will help you to have much more fun.
30 minutes | Apr 19, 2021
Being Fully Charged with Meaghan Murphy
Meaghan Murphy is the Editor in Chief of Women’s Day and the author of Your Fully Charged Life-A Radically Simple Approach to Having Endless Energy and Filling EVery Day with YAY! You can buy her book here: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Fully-Charged-Life-Radically/dp/0593188578 Her book recommendation is Clearing Up Your Mental Mess by Caroline Leaf And her song choice is Feeling Myself by Will I Am and Miley Cyrus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRuoR--LdqQ
16 minutes | Apr 12, 2021
The Entitlement Gap
This week I’m talking about the Entitlement Gap. It’s the idea that men feel entitled to promotions, jobs, support and power and women do not. I read about it in The Female Lead’s study, which is here. And I wrote about it in a Medium article, here.
30 minutes | Apr 5, 2021
Bryan McFarland on the 3x5 Life
Bryan McFarland is an entrepreneur and the founder of 3x5 Life. At 3x5 Life they make daily productivity cards to keep track of tasks and celebrate wins. The cards are analog, so you don’t have to go into your phone to check what is on your schedule or To Do List. They’re in sight, to remind you of your tasks. And they also contain morning gratitude and afternoon win prompts, to keep you focused on the good and on celebration. Bryan’s book choice is The Slight Edge-Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success and Happiness You can buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Slight-Edge-Turning-Disciplines-Happiness/dp/1626340463 His song choice is Trevor Hall “Everything I Need": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2Ppwwa3zfI
17 minutes | Mar 29, 2021
Trade defensiveness for Curiosity
You can pre-order my next book, Advocate to Win-10 Tools to Ask for What You Want and Get It, here. Then send my team the receipt at firstname.lastname@example.org and you’ll get the course with the ten tools for free! Twenty years as a defense attorney will make you defensive. It’s part of the job after all. But I’ve found the more defensive I am, the worse I do, in the courtroom and also in life. And when I trade defensiveness for curiosity, I win. As a self advocacy coach, I’ve seen this work for my clients as well. When they trade defensiveness for curiosity, they win. First, you should know my definition of win. It’s from the Cambridge Dictionary, and it is to “receive something positive because you’ve earned it”. You can receive more fun, better relationships, more self awareness, and better outcomes when you earn it by trading your defensiveness for curiosity. It worked for me. Years ago I’d been in a relationship for a few years and we’d been through a lot together. But suddenly my partner started saying “You’re miserable.” This made me miserable! I got very defensive and I could feel it in my body. My shoulders jumped up and became earrings. My stomach tied itself in knots, my jaw clenched and my hips tightened. So I defended. “I’m not miserable! Ask anyone. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m enthusiastic, optimistic and happy. For God’s sake, my nickname used to be Pollyanna!” I’d yell — miserably. And I’d become more miserable. Then one day I was working on my next book, Advocate to Win, and sharing the 5 Cs of an Advocate. One of those Cs is Curiosity, and I decided to try trading my defensiveness for curiosity. I got curious. “Am I miserable?” The answer was yes. The thoughts I was thinking about this relationship were making me miserable. As soon as I put down my defenses that became very clear. Then I decided to get even more curious. What if I owned it? “I am miserable.” It didn’t feel good, but it gave me a lot of insight. It was time for a change. After some work and some awareness I was able to change my thoughts about the relationship so that I felt less miserable. And then I was able to leave the relationship and maintain the friendship. No more misery-that was my win! And I earned it by putting down my defenses and being curious. My clients have had similar results when they’ve traded their defensiveness for curiosity. One of my clients has a husband who called her boring. She told me about this and listed all of her defenses. “I get up at 4am to play volleyball!” “I love to party!” “I play dress up with the kids all the time!” She had her defenses ready. But I asked her to trade them for curiosity. “Are there times you are boring?” I visually watched her shoulders drop. “Well, sure. I go to bed early. I don’t always want to watch TV late at night with him. And sometimes I don’t want to go out when he does…..Maybe I AM boring!” We both laughed. It was no longer such a big deal to be boring when she owned that it was possible. And that meant she could talk to her husband about it without fighting. When you trade defensiveness for curiosity, you tend to fight a whole lot less. They talked about the ways in which she could be less “boring” and he could be less “lazy” (her biggest criticism of him). And now they’re both having a lot more fun. And trading your defensiveness for curiosity doesn’t mean you have to acquiesce. Sometimes you do have to defend. In those situations, you start with curiosity and then move on to the defenses. When I was trying cases, I’d always start with curiosity. I defended doctors when their patients sued them. And when the case came in, I’d approach the allegations with curiosity. How could this be true? How could the jury think this is true? When I was curious about all of the things that the other side would say, I was better able to defend my client against them. You can do the same. If you are competing or a sale, a position or a client, be curious about your competition. What terrible things could they say about you? How could they hurt your reputation, your pitch and your odds of getting that thing you want? Put down your defenses and pick up curiosity. Explore all the ways you could lose — and then you’ll be much more likely to win. You will be prepared for every point because you weren’t afraid to look at them. Trading defensiveness for curiosity can change your relationships, your work and your entire life. And it’s so much more fun. So try it for yourself. Put down your defenses, pick up curiosity and see what you win.
36 minutes | Mar 22, 2021
Alain Hunkins on Being a Strong Leader
Alain Hunkins is a keynoter, a facilitator, a coach and a leadership expert. He’s also the author of Cracking the Leadership Code-3 Secrets to Building Strong Leaders. You can find his book and all things Alain here. https://www.alainhunkins.com/ Alain’s book choice is The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey https://www.franklincovey.com/the-7-habits/ His song choice is Firework by Katy Perry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw
15 minutes | Mar 15, 2021
When you know your values, you win
My clients want to become better advocates for their teams, their ideas, their products or their bank accounts. They come to me to learn how to build credibility, use evidence, ask better questions, hone their body language/tone of voice and argue if necessary. And I give them the tools to become an extraordinary advocate. But we begin with their core values. Because when you know your core values, your choices become clear and your wins become easy. Core values are the foundation upon which we build our choices, our actions and our results. In my keynotes I share the 5 Cs of an Advocate — Connection, Compassion, Creativity, Curiosity and Credibility. Those are the core values of an advocate, the foundation upon which they build their ask. And 3 of those are my core values as well. Compassion, Curiosity and Credibility are my core values. They are my touchstones, the three things I measure every decision and every action by, and they help me advocate to win. I use these core values every day. I use them to decide who to hire, whether to take on a project, whether to work with an individual, when to stay and when to go. They guide everything. But that’s not the most important reason to have core values. The most important reason is to overcome self doubt. Much of my work is helping my clients doubt more and believe less. We all have self doubt and it won’t ever be completely eradicated. But there are proven tools that can help. And one involves knowing and using your core values. When women know and reflect on their core values before a competitive business endeavor, they do better. And many believe this is because they have less self doubt. In this study, Zoe Kinias and Jessica Sim took female MBA students and separated them into 2 groups. One reflected on and wrote about their personal values before taking exams and making presentations. The other reflected on and wrote about institutional values. In the group that reflected on institutional values, there was a gender gap in GPA, with the women performing worse than men. In the group that reflected on their personal core values, there was no gap. Kinias and Sim attributed this difference to participants having less self doubt and more self worth after reviewing their values. And that surely helped. But I also believe that reviewing the values helped the women to remove themselves from the equation. When I’m advocating for Curiosity, Compassion and Credibility it’s a lot easier than when I’m advocating for me. We know that women are phenomenal advocates for others and less so for themselves. Maybe the women in this study were suddenly advocating for their values. And that allowed them to win. So I encourage you to take the time to know and own your core values. Reflect on them, write on them, commit them to heart. If you have trouble coming up with them, begin by brainstorming all of the words/qualities that most resonate with you. Come up with at least 10 words. Then see where those words have overlap. For example, when I decided on my core values I came up with kindness, love, connection, caring and ability to see through other’s perspective. These all overlapped with one overriding word — compassion. That, therefore, became one of my core values. Do the work to know your core values. Then reflect on them before you advocate for yourself. See yourself as advocating for those core values. You might find that you begin to doubt less and believe more. My definition of win is always the Cambridge Dictionary definition “to receive something positive because you’ve earned it”. You might receive better grades, more compensation, more clients, better culture and happier team mates if you earn it by knowing and living your core values.
43 minutes | Mar 8, 2021
The Power of Women with Elizabeth Lesser
Elizabeth is the co-founder of the Omega Institute and the author of many books including New York Times best seller Broken Open-How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow. She is one of Oprah’s Super Soul 100. Her new book Cassandra Speaks-When Women Are the Story Tellers, the Human Story Changes is an eye opening look at the stories we’ve told. You can find all things Elizabeth here: https://www.elizabethlesser.org/ Her book choice was A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf: https://www.amazon.com/Room-Ones-Own-Virginia-Woolf/dp/1614272778 Her song was Break the Shell by India.Arie:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuKvUKSFDq0
16 minutes | Mar 1, 2021
How Can I See This Differently?
What you see is what you get. That means if you change what you see, you’ll change what you get. In this solo episode I explain how changing your perspective can change your life, and how asking this one question is the perfect start.
32 minutes | Feb 22, 2021
Suneel Gupta - Backable
Suneel Gupta is the founder of RISE, on the faculty at Harvard and went from being the face of failure at the New York Times to the New Face of Innovation at the New York Stock Exchange His book Backable-How to Convince Anyone to Take a Chance on You is one of my favorite books of 2021 so far! You can get it here. https://www.backable.com/ His book choice was The Legend of Bagger Vance and you can get it here. His song choice is My Way by Frank Sinatra
29 minutes | Feb 15, 2021
Lara is a coach and the author of Author Your Life-How One Writer Changed Her Life Through the Power of Storytelling and How You Can Too: https://www.authoryourlifenow.com/ Her book choice was Loving What Is by Byron Katie: https://www.amazon.com/Loving-What-Four-Questions-Change/dp/1400045371 And her song choice was OK Go’s This Too Shall Pass: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w&noredirect=1
30 minutes | Feb 8, 2021
Leslie Ehm - Swagger
Leslie Ehm is a former TV host, chief fire starter at Combustion Training and author of Swagger-Unleash Everything You Are and Become Everything You Want You can find Leslie’s book here https://www.leslieehm.com/ You can find her book recommendation, The Self Employed Life, here: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-self-employed-life-jeffrey-shaw/1137309578 And her song selection here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1lhgP6mjF0kPE9zwm77RFW?si=Ak9tAafJQ9iNOROf_Rn1fQ
17 minutes | Feb 1, 2021
Know Your Worth. Then Advocate for It.
Most of my clients come to me to learn to advocate for themselves, their business, their careers, and their pocketbooks. But before they can advocate, they have to believe. Before they can advocate for their worth, they have to know it deep in their soul. This week I share ways that you can start to know your worth. And then the fun begins. Here’s a link to my calendar if you want a free mini session. https://calendly.com/elegantwarrior/15min
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