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Knowing What’s Up the Road . . . Can Change How We Go “Forewarned is Forearmed.” A professor taught me that a long time ago, and it has informed a lot of my life. If we understand what’s coming, we can be ready. The sexual journey is like that. When we start out, it’s romance and getting into bed. However, when we understand where the journey goes, and the non-erotic parts of the sexual journey, we can be prepared. It’s an important conversation to have with our young people. Some older, wiser people had it with me, and the echoes of those conversations prepared me for the pragma, philos, and agape stages of the sexual journey (see episodes 1-7 if you don’t know those words). So have a listen. Get ready for the “what’s coming” conversation with your young people. Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-31-roadmap-conversations.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post A Sexual Roadmap: What’s Coming? appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Are You Ready for the Question? It’s a tricky one. Our society undergoing a seismic, economic, technological, cultural, and social upheaval. One of the by-products of which, is that we marry later. It used to be 3-4 years from the time of sexual maturity until we married. Now it’s 15-16 years. Our young people are at the height of their sexual energy — and social pressures make it necessary to delay marriage. The traditional sex-rule, “don’t have sex until you marry,” isn’t biologically tenable any longer. But unfortunately, when we abandoned the traditional sex-rule, we also threw out the accumulated wisdom around how human sexuality unfolds. Our new sex-rule, “everybody screws everybody as long as nobody gets hurt…” …it’s not working much better than the traditional rule. The reason the conversation about when our kids should start having sex is so difficult, is because our society doesn’t have any shared, tried-and-true, shared norms. The old rule doesn’t work any more, and the new ones haven’t factored in the ancient wisdom. Which makes ours a time for hammering out new sexual norms, norms that factor in both the fifteen-year problem and the wisdom of the ages. This is episode 3 of 3. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-30-when-to-start-having-sex-3-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:        The post “When Should I Start Having Sex, Mom? Dad?” (part 3) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Are You Ready for the Question? It’s a tricky one. Our society undergoing a seismic, economic, technological, cultural, and social upheaval. One of the by-products of which, is that we marry later. It used to be 3-4 years from the time of sexual maturity until we married. Now it’s 15-16 years. Our young people are at the height of their sexual energy — and social pressures make it necessary to delay marriage. The traditional sex-rule, “don’t have sex until you marry,” isn’t biologically tenable any longer. But unfortunately, when we abandoned the traditional sex-rule, we also threw out the accumulated wisdom around how human sexuality unfolds. Our new sex-rule, “everybody screws everybody as long as nobody gets hurt…” …it’s not working much better than the traditional rule. The reason the conversation about when our kids should start having sex is so difficult, is because our society doesn’t have any shared, tried-and-true, shared norms. The old rule doesn’t work any more, and the new ones haven’t factored in the ancient wisdom. Which makes ours a time for hammering out new sexual norms, norms that factor in both the fifteen-year problem and the wisdom of the ages. This is episode 2 of 3. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-29-when-to-start-having-sex-2.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:        The post “When Should I Start Having Sex, Dad?” (part 2) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Are You Ready for the Question? It’s a tricky one. Our society undergoing a seismic, economic, technological, cultural, and social upheaval. One of the by-products of which, is that we marry later. It used to be 3-4 years from the time of sexual maturity until we married. Now it’s 15-16 years. Our young people are at the height of their sexual energy — and social pressures make it necessary to delay marriage. The traditional sex-rule, “don’t have sex until you marry,” isn’t biologically tenable any longer. But unfortunately, when we abandoned the traditional sex-rule, we also threw out the accumulated wisdom around how human sexuality unfolds. Our new sex-rule, “everybody screws everybody as long as nobody gets hurt…” …it’s not working much better than the traditional rule. The reason the conversation about when our kids should start having sex is so difficult, is because our society doesn’t have any shared, tried-and-true, shared norms. The old rule doesn’t work any more, and the new ones haven’t factored in the ancient wisdom. Which makes ours a time for hammering out new sexual norms, norms that factor in both the fifteen-year problem and the wisdom of the ages. This is episode 1 of 3. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-28-when-to-start-having-sex-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post “When Should I Start Having Sex, Mom?” (part 1) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

What Is a Problem?  What Isn’t? Conversations about porn are often laced with hurt feelings — feelings of inadequacy, being uncherished. Sometimes they come with recrimination and blame. And when porn conversations go badly, it’s often because our starting point is affected by the dirty-sex instincts in history. In these two episodes, we’ll explore the question: “what really isn’t a problem with porn, and what is?” This is episode 2 of 2. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-27-pornography-2.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Pornography: Is It Really a Problem? (part 2) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

What Is a Problem? What Isn’t? Conversations about porn are often laced with hurt feelings — feelings of inadequacy, being uncherished. Sometimes they come with recrimination and blame. And when porn conversations go badly, it’s often because our starting point is affected by the dirty-sex instincts in history. In these two episodes, we’ll explore the question: “what really isn’t a problem with porn, and what is?” This is episode 1 of 2. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-26-pornography-1-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Pornography: Is It Really a Problem? (part 1) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

“It’ll Make You Blind.” “It’ll Grow Hair on Your Hands” (and other craziness) The starting place for a talk about masturbation is affirming the goodness of sexual hunger and curiosity. However, many grew up with anything but that! The message many grew up with about sex in general, and in particular about exploring and giving our bodies pleasure were strained, or tainted with dirty sex instincts. Without a shared framework, it can be hard to frame this conversation well. But we can do it. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-25-masturbation-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Masturbation: A Handy Talk with the Kids appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Waiting is Hard.  Waiting for Sex . . . Harder! Timing sexual experience well is developmentally important. In earlier episodes we’ve explored how long it takes for important psychological and emotional processes to unfold, to form healthy sexual bonds. But since young people come to sexual maturity in their early teens, and since few have undergone those processes by then… “Timing” is often a code word for “waiting.” Bummer. How do we talk to our kids about that? This is part 3 of 3. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-24-waiting-for-sex-and-feeling-blue-3.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Waiting for Sex . . . And Feeling Blue (part 3) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Waiting is Hard. Waiting for Sex . . . Harder! Timing sexual experience well is developmentally important. In earlier episodes we’ve explored how long it takes for important psychological and emotional processes to unfold, to form healthy sexual bonds. But since young people come to sexual maturity in their early teens, and since few have undergone those processes by then… “Timing” is often a code word for “waiting.” Bummer. How do we talk to our kids about that? This is part 2 of 3. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-23-waiting-for-sex-and-feeling-blue-2-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:        The post Waiting for Sex . . . And Feeling Blue (part 2) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Waiting is Hard. Waiting for Sex . . . Harder! Timing sexual experience well is developmentally important. In earlier episodes we’ve explored how long it takes for important psychological and emotional processes to unfold, to form healthy sexual bonds. But since young people come to sexual maturity in their early teens, and since few have undergone those processes by then… “Timing” is often a code word for “waiting.” Bummer. How do we talk to our kids about that? This is part 1 of 3. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-22-waiting-for-sex-and-feeling-blue-1-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Waiting for Sex . . . And Feeling Blue (part 1) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Have It Early.  Have It Often. For a lot of reasons, sex talks with our kids are tough to have. In this episode we’ll try to make the conversations about as normal as talking to our young people about food. Some tips. Some pointers. A few stories. Have a listen, Doug   http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-21-when-to-have-the-sex-talk-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Having the Sex Talk . . . Before Things Get Hairy appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Getting Ready for Sex Talks with Our Young People Two things… First, people screw up their lives with sex all the time. It’s such a deep part of our lives, when we create pain there, it goes deeply! Second, we love our kids more than life itself. And if trends continue, they’ll be jumping right in line for the pain of sexual screw-ups… Unless we do better with sex education. We’re under the illusion that if we can convince them to use condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs, we’ve prepared them. We haven’t. Sex is much deeper than hooking up the plumbing. It touches the deepest parts of our hearts. Welcome to this introduction to part 3 of this project — getting practical. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/episode-20-intro-to-section-3-a.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:        The post Part 3: Getting Practical About Sex-Ed appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Chastity is kind of a joke Chastity belts… Up-tight prudes… But chastity used to be a virtue. It used to have more to do with good timing than suppressing sexual pleasure. If we dig past the up-tight parts, maybe we can unearth the helpful wisdom the word once carried. This is part 2 of 2. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Rethinking-Sex-Education-Episode-17-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Chastity and Timing (2 of 2) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Chastity is kind of a joke Chastity belts… Up-tight prudes… But chastity used to be a virtue. It used to have more to do with good timing than suppressing sexual pleasure. If we dig past the up-tight parts, maybe we can unearth the helpful wisdom the word once carried. This is part 1 of 2. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Rethinking-Sex-Education-Episode-16-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Timing and Chastity (1 of 2) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

When Religion Gets Sexuality Right… We have a lot to offer. Our ancient sexual wisdom speaks to a healthy and helpful pacing for sexual relationships. In these three episodes, we look at the research of zoologist and anthropologist, Desmond Morris. He has studied the psychological and emotional processes necessary to form stable sexual bonds. Which, it turns out, take some time. This is part 3 of 3. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Rethinking-Sex-Education-Episode-15-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post A Slow Hand, An Easy Touch (3 of 3) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

When Religion Gets Sexuality Right… We have a lot to offer. Our ancient sexual wisdom speaks to a healthy and helpful pacing for sexual relationships. In these three episodes, we look at the research of zoologist and anthropologist, Desmond Morris. He has studied the psychological and emotional processes necessary to form stable sexual bonds. Which, it turns out, take some time. This is part 2 of 3. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Rethinking-Sex-Education-Episode-14.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post A Slow Hand, An Easy Touch (2 of 3) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

When Religion Gets Sexuality Right… We have a lot to offer. Our ancient sexual wisdom speaks to a healthy and helpful pacing for sexual relationships. In these three episodes, we look at the research of zoologist and anthropologist, Desmond Morris. He has studied the psychological and emotional processes necessary to form stable sexual bonds. Which, it turns out, take some time. This is part 1 of 3. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Rethinking-Sex-Education-Episode-13-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post A Slow Hand, An Easy Touch (1 of 3) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Masculinizing Society. Masculinizing Sex. It’s an age old story. Males win. Females lose. It happens in our society. It happens in our beds. And when it happens, everybody loses. In the East there is a way of thinking that offers us a path forward. There is a way of non-oppositional cooperation between masculine and feminine energy. Have a listen. Have better sex! Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Rethinking-Sex-Education-Episode-12b-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Christians, Sex, Yin, and Yang (2 of 2) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Masculinizing Society. Masculinizing Sex It’s an age old story. Males win. Females lose. It happens in our society. It happens in our beds. And when it happens, everybody loses. In the East there is a way of thinking that offers us a path forward. There is a way of non-oppositional cooperation between masculine and feminine energy. Have a listen. Have better sex! Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Rethinking-Sex-Education-Episode-12a-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Christians, Sex, Yin, and Yang (1 of 2) appeared first on Doug Hammack.

Christian Sex: Doubling Down on a Bad Hand Back in the 1960s, the sexual revolution presented an opportunity to Christians. It invited us to rethink the “dirty sex” instincts we picked up back in the second century. But that’s not what happened. Instead, church folk doubled down on a bad hand. Now, fifty years later, we don’t have much moral authority to speak about the subject. If we’re going to get out this pickle, we’ll have to… 1. revisit where we went wrong, 2. recover our ancient wisdom, 3. make our case without resorting to religious language. Have a listen, Doug http://www.doughammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Rethinking-Sex-Education-Episode-12-1.mp3 1. Subscribe to the podcast:  click HERE 2. Get an email notice for new episodes:      The post Religion and Sex: We're in a Pickle appeared first on Doug Hammack.