IN THE NEWS TODAY...
BUSH!
HOMOSEXUALS!
JACK IDEMA!
MARATHON!
SCRIPT:
Leading the news today, Monday, November 2nd, 2015. The Jeb Bush campaign, already embroiled in deep campaign drama, finds itself in a new controversy today, being sued for copyright infringement by British Companies, HOT ANIMATION, and Chapman Entertainment. Our British Legal correspondent Lionel Lionel explains.
Jeb Bush has relaunched his failing Presidential campaign with the slogan, “Jeb can fix it.” Yet, as any parent with a three year old at home can tell you, that is almost verbatim the trademarked and copyrighted catch phrase for the stop-animation kids show, Bob the Builder. Apparently, either no one in the campaign was aware of this children’s favorite or, more likely, someone WAS aware of it and didn’t think anyone would notice, The latter point of view being supported by the release of the new Bush campaign theme song.
(CAN JEB FIX IT, YES HE CAN!)
Both British corporations say they will drop their lawsuits if Jeb Bush just goes away and stays there. William?
A spokesperson for the Bush campaign said the candidate will refrain from using the “Jeb Can Fix It” theme and will, instead, unveil a new, optimistic campaign theme, “We Did It,” which also happens to be a song sung by Dora the Explorer at the end of HER cartoon show.
In other news, the legend of Jack Idema continues to spread… through the groundwater.
In the sleepy Mexican state of Quintana Roo on the Yucatan Peninsula, in early 2012, the bloated unrecognizable corpse of American Jack Idema was discovered by his heroin dealer in the tiny town of Bacalar, some 38 minutes north of the capital city of Chetumal. Infamous for running a private prison in Afghanistan, kidnapping Afghani officials, and torturing prisoners, fluids from Idema’s body had soaked through the floor of his hacienda. Mexican authorities disposed of the toxic corpse in a lead casket and the grave itself was filed with quick drying concrete in the hopes that Idema would not leak into the aquifer supplying nearby Lake Bacalar.
Sadly, nearly 4 years later, it seems those efforts were in vain. Residents living along the lake, from as far south as Chetumal, are being diagnosed by the dozens every day with the especially virulent SUPER AIDS that killed Idema and, we’re told, is responsible for the madness that one can see daily in the Thinking Man’s Zombie website. Idema’s last female lover, Lynn Thompson, formerly of Stea
