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Darkseid's Couch

195 Episodes

82 minutes | May 22, 2023
Ep.235 – Captain America No. 222 (1978)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée trash the place in solidarity with Captain America no. 222! Steve Rogers has a lot of problems at the moment. He's not sure of his own background, his buddy Falcon isn't clocking in at work, and now a Volkswagen's attacking him! In his own apartment, no less! If he can manage to best its fine German craftsmanship (a big 'if'!), his next stop will be Washington, D.C., to learn the truth about his mysterious past. That is, assuming the Lincoln Memorial doesn't come to life and challenge him to a battle to the death! But what are the odds of that happening? Wait, it's on the cover?! Oh, tough luck, Cap: That dude's got biceps made of literal marble!
113 minutes | May 8, 2023
Ep.234 – William Shatner's TekWorld No. 17 (1994)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée blast off for a return trip to William Shatner's TekWorld with issue no. 17! The last time the Couch checked in on the good Captain's ambitious vanity project, it was a hodge podge of generic sci-fi tropes and poorly-developed characters, but that was probably just first issue jitters! Sixteen issues later, okay, sure, it's still got the two-dimensional characters, but now they're sexy two-dimensional characters! Some of them are even robots! You like robots, right? Sure you do, everyone likes robots! Just... just go along with it, okay? We thought we were reading Demolition Man.
84 minutes | Apr 24, 2023
Ep.233 – Funnyman No. 1 (1948)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée throw a pie at Funnyman no. 1! A decade after Superman, creators Siegel and Shuster went double or nothing with their new hero, Funnyman! Armed with a rubber nose, zero training, and the ability to never take anything seriously ever, Funnyman pratfell his way onto the comics rack for six glorious issues of baggy-panted hilarity! Scourge of the underworld, the only ones who didn't love Funnyman were criminals! And comic book readers, it seems. Actually, the cops don't seem to like him much, either. And his girlfriend is getting pretty tired of it as well. You know, it's actually pretty impressive how he keeps such a good attitude! Link to James' marathon fundraiser: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/jameso
87 minutes | Apr 10, 2023
Ep.232 – Punisher War Journal No. 19 (1990)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée do something no comic book fan's ever done; Go to the beach! In Punisher War Journal issue 19, Frank Castle has murdered his way out to Hawaii in relentless pursuit of still more people he'd like to kill! But can he get over his crippling and never-before-referenced fear of water, so that he'll have easier access to potential victims that too stubborn to be slaughtered in landlocked areas? And whose credit card did he put down to rent that jet ski?
109 minutes | Mar 27, 2023
Ep.231 – Captain Victory and the Galactic Rangers No. 12 (1983)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée shake forearms with Captain Victory and the Galactic Rangers no. 12! In the 1980s, Jack Kirby snuck one past the copyright gestapo with Captain Victory, a stealth continuation of his legendary Fourth World comics in the guise a new IP. Free and clear from any legal action, Kirby and the good captain traverse the stars, making friends with computers and ruminating on the meaning of valor! It's a nostalgic trip back to the days when the phrase "toxic masculinity" was mostly referring to all of the radiation your space sled was constantly pumping out. Comic Book Historians with more on the good Captain: Jack Kirby Star God Trilogy: Thor, New Gods & Captain Victory by Alex Grand | Comic Book Historians
111 minutes | Mar 13, 2023
Ep.230 – Detective Comics No. 275 (1960)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée earn their stripes by reading Detective Comics no. 275! It's the debut of another classic Batman villain, the Zebra-Man! You know, the Zebra-Man? Electromagnetic powers, dresses like a scrambled tv signal? Well, he's really cool, just trust him. In fact, he's so threatening that Batman will have no choice but to crash a plane into a ship, wreck a world-changing piece of technology, and endanger the life of the underage child that he forces to hang out with him. At a certain point it kinda starts to seem like Batman is just looking for excuses to break stuff.
98 minutes | Feb 27, 2023
Ep.229 – Black Knight No. 4 (1955)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée gallop away from Black Knight no. 4! In the mythical land of Camelot, the mysterious Black Knight maintains a secret identity as the wussified, lute-plucking Sir Percy! As the unlovable court bard, Percy pines after Lady Rosamund, who think he's the scum of the Earth. But he wore his frilliest tunic! What more does this woman want?! Funny enough, it turns out that what she wants is to get into the Black Knight's unwashed chainmail onesie, despite not knowing anything about him or having ever even seen his face! The moral of the story? Healthy relationships are a myth, and don't let the liberal media tell you otherwise.
103 minutes | Feb 13, 2023
Ep.228 – Justice League No. 5 (1987)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get punched in the face by Justice League issue 5! An irritable and presumably very bored Batman has assembled a new Justice League consisting of a bunch of goofballs whom he can order around more easily than actual heroes. But every rose has its thorn, and 3rd tier Green Lantern Guy Gardner's bad attitude and worse haircut are getting on the Dark Knight's last nerve! Can they resolve their differences in time to deal with a brewing crisis in Vermont? The fate of American's maple syrup supply chain hangs in the balance!
105 minutes | Jan 30, 2023
Ep.227 – Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane No. 5 (1958)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée wrap up Supermanuary with Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane no. 5! It's a trilogy of torment, as Superman's borderline sadistic treatment of the woman he loves leads to... absolutely no consequences whatsoever! From constant negging to covertly attacking her with a size-changing ray, Superman gets away with all the damage he can possibly inflict! Why? What possible reason could Lois have for putting up with all this? Probably the abs. That man is a Supersnack! Link to donate to James' marathon fundraiser to benefit autism research: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/jameso
102 minutes | Jan 23, 2023
Ep.226 – Action Comics No. 381 (1969)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée plant their flag in the dirt of Action Comics no. 381! As Supermanuary continues, our hero has become even more unhinged, causing a ruckus at the UN and demanding the entire Earth kneel before his immaculately-toned Kryptonian physique! Has Superman finally come to his senses and realized that a war-hungry, Crocs-wearing planet could probably benefit from a little stern leadership? Hopefully! Then, in a chilling backup story, Matter-Eater Lad confronts the worst terror imaginable: Dating outside of your league!
100 minutes | Jan 16, 2023
Ep.225 – Action Comics No. 337 (1966)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée put on their top hats and spats to read Action Comics issue 337! It's only week two of Supermanuary, but it seems Superman's already gotten bored and has resorted to bizarre stunts to keep himself invested in this whole "fighting crime" thing. Why is the man of steel dressing up in a series of goofy outfits to stop criminals instead of just punting them out of the galaxy? Don't worry about it, just tell him he looks great in that headdress and pray he doesn't eye-laser your skull in half. Then, Supergirl travels to another planet where everything's just slightly different than on Earth, but still totally unbearable for any sustained period of time. Are we sure she's not just in Iowa? Link to donate to James' marathon fundraiser to benefit autism research: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/jameso
94 minutes | Jan 9, 2023
Ep.224 – Superman No. 162 (1963)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée kick off Supermanuary with 1963's Superman no. 162! Determined to finally do all that stuff he swore he was gonna do, the Man of Steel splits himself in two, amplifies his brain, and knocks out all of the universe's problems in a few weeks. It's like putting together your science fair project the night before its due, except that Superman improved the existence of every living creature, whereas your styrofoam solar system just made your parents disown you.
100 minutes | Dec 26, 2022
Ep.223 – The Amazing Spider-Man No. 314 (1989)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée throw another copy on Amazing Spider-Man no. 314 onto the yule log! It's a Christmas disaster when Peter Parker and his out-of-his-league wife Mary Jane get evicted from their condo! Well, HER condo, seeing as how Pete refuses to get a job that doesn't involve taking pictures of himself in spandex. Meanwhile, a disgruntled nerd goes all Falling Down on his miserly boss and Spider-Man figures he might as well take care of the situation, seeing as how he's got nothing else to do and literally nowhere to be.
89 minutes | Dec 12, 2022
Ep.222 – Barbie No. 37 (1993)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate the crushing march of entropy with 1993's Barbie no. 37! It's Shée's birthday, and it's time to celebrate with international megastar Barbie and her sister Skipper! They're going to have an exotic adventure in Thailand, if only they can shut up the incessant whining of Skipper's low-value tagalong friend Courtney! Is the irresistible, some would say mystical allure of Barbie enough to pull Courtney out of her ethnocentric shell, or is this parade doomed to be rained all over by a sad sack teenager and her stupid bangs? Also, donate to James' marathon fundraiser to support autism research and funding: support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/jameso
97 minutes | Nov 28, 2022
Ep.221 – Kickers, Inc. No. 2 (1986)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée hike Kickers, Inc. no. 2 straight into the dumpster! The NY Smashers football team is back, or at least they would be if they weren't busy solving local petty crimes instead of attending to their NFL careers. After a successful appearance on Johnny Carson, the Kickers get their first case: Figuring out why an old lady's rose garden has been destroyed! Of course, it was the work of a giant robot operated by middle eastern terrorists, which suggests the Kickers might actually be onto something and should probably call the FBI. Or, you know, just destroy a couple city blocks and run away before anyone sees you, either one is cool.
118 minutes | Nov 14, 2022
Ep.220 – Batman No. 97 (1956)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée sniff the crotch of Batman no. 97! Gotham is going to the dogs when Batman and Robin, two totally sane people without any sort of psychological damage that could lead them to make bizarre decisions, decide the only way to solve crime is to employ a German Shepard wearing a mask! Plus, the Joker makes an appearance, and that's important to note because of search engine optimization! That's the Joker, appearing in this episode!! Who knows, maybe he's in every episode! Listen and find out!
105 minutes | Oct 31, 2022
Ep.219 – Wildstorm Halloween Trilogy of Terror (1997)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée try to wring some scares out of the Wildstorm Halloween Trilogy of Terror! It's three interlocking stories of macabre ghoulishness featuring three interlocking teams of mediocre foolishness! First the heroes of Team 7 bomb the hell out of a sacred Mexican temple because who's even gonna mind? Some sort of vengeful bat demon who lives there? Please! What are the odds of that happening? Next, Gen13 deal with a vengeful bat demon who's super upset about something! Jeez, what's his problem? It's never made clear. Finally, Wetworks stops by to channel the spirit of a Nordic warrior in order to fight some sort of bat-demon-conjuring guy who's really angry for reasons I didn't catch. It should be a great comic, but if it's not, remember: Nobody forced you to listen.
113 minutes | Oct 17, 2022
Ep.218 – The Unexpected No. 214 (1981)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get gently startled by The Unexpected no. 214! World heavyweight champion Joe Goodwin has a booming career and a hairline that refuses to recede even deep into middle age, so why shouldn't he press his luck by fighting a minotaur in a secret cave full of cultist monsters? Just because it's incredibly stupid and pointless? Well, there wouldn't be much of a podcast if these characters made intelligent decisions, so let's just all stop asking questions and enjoy. Plus, a con artist takes cultural appropriation to a new extreme and a werewolf risks his life by riding the subway!
113 minutes | Oct 3, 2022
Ep.217 – The Thing No. 7 (1953)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée ask for something spooky and get The Thing no. 7! Because it's finally October and there's nothing scarier than trudging through 30 pages of nonsense in search of a coherent Halloween tale! In the mood to hear about some mobsters who get easily distracted by boats? How about a deal-making devil with a limited bank account? Or maybe a landlord who can change into a different kind of gruesome predator? It's all here and it's all frighteningly incomprehensible!
102 minutes | Sep 26, 2022
Ep.216 – Dinosaurs No. 1 (1992)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James and Shee lovingly threaten to eat each other after reading the Dinosaurs comic book special! As Septembersaurus roars to a close, it's time for another always-excellent comic book based on a tv show. Because the incredible feat of live-action puppeteering that was the hallmark of the Dinosaurs television series is probably better appreciated through cartoon drawings. In this special issue, Robbie Sinclair attempts to run for class president, only to discover that dinosaurs are vicious and immoral. You know, humans may be those things as well, but at least we don't go around casually slaughtering anyone who gets in our way. We just make health care unattainable and allow our enemies to get sick and die. It's evolution, baby!
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