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Dare To with John Volturo
17 minutes | Aug 24, 2020
Ep. 5: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
Today we are going to do something a little bit different. Normally, I interview a leader in any walk of life to share what propelled that person into their greatness. It’s usually a Dare To moment when someone stepped out of their comfort zone to do something big and then experienced transformative results. On the podcast, we dissect those moments to provide instruction and inspiration for you, our listeners.In this episode, I am not interviewing, but instead putting on my personal, Chief Officer, and executive coaching cap in a different way. I want to talk about Imposter Syndrome and here’s why.For those who are hearing this name for the first time, Imposter Syndrome is the idea that we feel like we are frauds most of the time and that if something happens... you will be exposed. So, imagine walking through life feeling like you will be exposed as inadequate or incompetent, less knowledgeable, less skilled. For many, many people, Imposter Syndrome often gets in the way of our future achievements. I have had IS my whole life and I can tell you from my experience that until you shine a light on it you will not be able to diminish its power.As an Executive Coach and Partner at Evolution, I get to work with some of the movers and the shakers in Silicon Valley, on Main Street and at some of the largest of Enterprise companies. Without a doubt, we have a session that covers IS.So, if IS is the constant fear of being exposed as anything less than the great and wonderful being you truly are, then how does IS manifest itself. Well, the most common ways we see it manifest itself is in self-sabotage, self-doubt, fear of trying, fear of success, fear of failure. Sound familiar? Think about it. You just started a new job or you just got promoted, or given the COVID times, you’re being asked to perform different work at the same title and salary. You’re excited about the new opportunities yet something holds you back. Often, it’s the idea that if you try something new and fail, you will be judged as incompetent. What happens for people with Imposter Syndrome is that their thought process goes something like this: “I don’t know if I can do this. If I ask for help people will think I don’t know how to do my job and then they’ll think that I shouldn’t have this job and if that happens, then I can lose my job.” Then, that person with IS stays small because they don’t want to try something new. They don’t try new things for fear of being discovered. They stay safe. And that in turn keeps them staying small, meaning smaller than they have the potential to be. It’s an awful vicious cycle and at the end of every day, people with IS feel defeated, scared, anxious, fearful of losing what they have because they believe that if people only knew who they really were, they would be in trouble. Ouch. That hurts. Does this sound familiar?Here are some signs you suffer from IS:You feel like a fraudYou are a people pleaserYou feel that you lucked into any success you haveYou don’t think you are credentialed enoughYou don’t feel like you do enoughYou don’t talk about what you’ve succeeded or accomplishedAgain, sound like you?When Executive Coaches talk about IS, we look at the different archetypes that we see most often. If you are tracking with me, some of these may feel familiar to you.Are you a perfectionist? -When I say the word perfectionist, what do you think? Usually, we think someone who has every detail of every project under control, someone who micromanages so that if the success happens, it happens for that person, so that if it fails, you can blame yourself because blaming yourself fits with the narrative of you not deserving of your success because you’re a fraud. Working for a perfectionist boss often means you don’t get to do your entire job; you’re working for someone who is afraid to provide autonomy for you and more. When we identify together that you’re a perfectionist, we look at the list of things you’ve been wanting to try but haven’t. Why? Because if we get you to work on trying those things, we will bust through the illusion that you are not worthy and that you will succeed with effort. This helps you get beyond your comfort zone, and for perfectionists, this is a key area of work.Are you a Worker Bee?-When I say worker bee, I am talking about someone who works so much, works so hard to accomplish something. The worker bee shows their worth through their efforts and the results don’t matter as much because if the worker bee is working hard, then the results are someone else’s thing. When we were in offices, you can identify the worker bee so quickly. It's the first person in the office and the last person out of the office. It's the person who looks at you with a weird look when you leave for lunch, leave to go work out, meet friends or prioritize family time because you’re not working as hard, clearly, right? You know this person. Could it be you? Just a little bit?See, the worker bee is afraid that if she doesn’t work harder than anyone else, then she won’t be recognized. In her head she hears something like this from her boss: “You are such a hard worker. I really appreciate all the time you put into the work.” In reality, the additional work time produces marginal improvements at most, and the real tragedy is that the worker bee doesn’t yet realize her worth has to do with her results, her trying new things, her integrated life producing more contentment. The stress, no one pays you for that.Ok, here’s a fun one. Are you gifted?-So, what’s a gifted? A gifted is someone who knows everything without having to learn it. You know, they were born that way. Let me tell you something. I have twin girls that are in elementary school. Having twins, heck, having kids is the biggest joy of my life. But I see that one of them thinks that if she doesn’t automatically know what to do, she’s not going to do it because she will never be good at it. She’s not gifted she says to me. Now, she may be cursed by having an Exec Coach as a dad, because I work to help her understand that we are not born automatically knowing things others don’t and that experts become experts because they work routinely to get things done and work to get better and better every time they do that thing again. So, when people say someone is gifted, it’s most likely because that person has been doing that thing so for so long that they've made it look easy to people. Think about Edison and his thousands of patents. Think about all the athletes who work hard every day. The pop stars that are overnight successes until you learn they’ve been singing at church since they were 13 and spent the past 10 years touring the country and now, you’re hearing about them. Are you a loner?A loner will not ask for help and will most likely downplay their needs. Imagine this exchange: Hey Ashley, need help with that project? I know it’s due in two days and there’s a lot of work?” Ashley, in this example, may say “no thanks, I got it” when in reality she is saying no thanks because she’s afraid to accept help because she will be exposed as weak or worse. So, Ashely overcommits and underdelivers, thus supporting her narrative that she doesn't get it done because she’s a fake. Are you an expert? Experts tire people. They tire people because they may think they need to know everything in order to do anything. So, bosses wait for them to start the project. And wait. And wait. And then we ask them where they are, and they say they’re on it, but what they’re really on is Google learning more about whatever it is that has them stumped. For experts, being an expert is all there is, and if they’re not expert, well, they feel less than, maybe even like they are just not important, smart enough.You may be thinking that if Imposters are everywhere, how come we don’t talk about it more? Well, that’s a good question. Talking about imposter syndrome is tough because often the reason for the feelings are rooted in our childhood and many people just don’t want to go there. Let me say this: while Coaches don’t go to the why of a current challenge, instead we focus on how to overcome obstacles to get you where you want to go, this is a good place though for us to talk a little bit about your formative experiences to understand how you got to this place and so we can work together to create pathways around these obstacles to your greatness. I had this client a while ago who told me that she had an amazing childhood. I listened to her share that her parents were great, they just set the bar really high, put her into a very rigorous and structured school with limits on what women could do compared to men, and that she now has challenges with authority and trying new things. We discussed that there may be some Imposter Syndrome at play and she was floored. When we talked about it, many of the messages she heard came back to her, and we were able to do the good work to crush those limiting beliefs and move forward.So, how do you overcome Imposter Syndrome?I tell my Clients that we overcome it by working through it. I don’t think we ever totally eliminate those thoughts. Some of those thoughts I described help us. It’s when the thoughts keep us small, immobilize us so we don’t make forward motions, that they get in the way. So here’s what we can do:Review your current values and beliefsLook at your actions and behaviorsThink about the outcomes you have todayThen, Review the new values and beliefs that inspire the person you want to be (like, “I am capable”Think about the new behaviors and actions you want to doAnd visualize the outcomes you want to have Once you’ve visualized the future, you can do the following:When a negative thought like “I can’t do this because it will mean that I don’t know what I’m doing” occurs, ask yourself “what evidence exists
48 minutes | Aug 6, 2020
Ep. 4: Take your pain and turn it into art
This episode features a conversation between John Volturo and Guy Shalem. Guy talks about growing up gay in Israel, his first love, achieving fame and success at a young age, wanting to leave Israel, moving to the USA, getting deported back to Israel, developing a deeper appreciation for Israel, his numerous businesses, his Meeting of the Masters' dinners, and how, through it all, he continuously turns his pain into art.
35 minutes | Jun 15, 2020
Ep. 3: Getting fired can be a good thing. And, Civil Rights Law Protects LGBT Workers.
This episode features Dr. Steve Yacovelli, leading expert on LGBT workplace issues and Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. In this episode, we discuss:How the Supreme Court's ruling that Title VII covers LGBT workers will change LGBT professional and personal livesHow Steve turned a conversation with a friend and an unexpected turn of events into his successful Top Dog Learning Group during the Great RecessionSteve's Dare To moment that came out of that time, and how he made the most out of it by tirelessly focusing on his missionSteve's advice for young LGBT people just out of high school or collegeTo find out more about Dr. Steve Yacovelli's work, visit:https://topdoglearning.biz/
54 minutes | May 12, 2020
Ep. 2: It's going to be ok: Lowering the risk of being your authentic self at work and at home, with Jack Kirby
Currently President of Agency Services at Havas Edge, among the world's largest advertising groups, Jack Kirby is one of the most influential direct response professionals of our time. More likely than not, you've seen the commercials his company has produced in the Super Bowl and late at night. Widely respected as a seasoned executive in network television, syndication, and radio, Jack produced the Peabody award-winning LARRY KING SHOW, the Emmy award-winning CBS NEWS Night Watch as well as the successful syndicated daytime television talk program, THE CHARLIE ROSE SHOW (NBC/Post Newsweek).Jack previously served as President of HSNi (Home Shopping Network) and National Media Corporation, and as Chairman of The Electronic Retailing Association (ERA), the preeminent global trade organization for television, internet, and radio marketers.Named by Electronic Retailer Magazine to its list of people who changed the face of the direct-response industry, and by Response Magazine as one of the the Top 25 Most Influential People in direct-response television, Jack was recently tapped him for induction into the Direct Response Hall of Fame. In addition to his role at Havas, Jack continues to serve as Chairman of eBrands Commerce Group, a multi-channel direct-to-consumer marketer. Jack joins us today to talk about his life and his coming-out-story.During this episode, Jack and I discuss what it was like for him to try to fit in before coming out of the closet, and the lessons he learned from his successes and failures. In this episode, Jack reveals how:Coaches and mentors helped him become comfortable with himselfHe discovered what he really valuedHe survived a painful personal moment in his life that pushed him to create a deadlineFinding an ear that will listen to you provides the support and the validation you needThe one tool he uses to overcome fear and do what he needs to do
32 minutes | May 1, 2020
Ep. 1: Creating stories that touch people (and sell)
Dana Richie is a born storyteller and uses her talents to help brands tell stories. At an early age, Dana began writing for Houston newspapers, and reported on the important topics of the day. A native of Texas, everything Dana does is big, and when she graduated college, she went to CNN in Atlanta, and then up to New York City where she worked with Barbara Walters on 20/20. Then she landed at VH1. Dana has interviewed some of the most powerful and newsworthy people on the planet. Her success at landing these jobs and connecting with people revolves around storytelling.Now, Dana is a successful Los Angeles-based founder and CEO of her own company, Backlot Productions. You can find Dana Richie and her amazing portfolio of work at BackLotProductions.com.Here's what you'll hear and learn in this episode:How to manifest your energy around something you love and make it a priority so it happens for youHow to tell and sell a story How to find your motivation and tap into your grit to overcome obstaclesWhat a mentor can do for you
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