Episode 9: Money, Sex, and Budgeting with Grayson Stalvey
About This Episode
As Dads, we have all struggled with money and budgeting. In this episode we unravel some of this with our guest Grayson Stalvey of Grayson Stalvey Financial. We talk about the great things that can happen when we get on the same page with wives. As well as some tips for getting on the same page and what to do when a financial emergency strikes.
Mentioned In This Episode
Grayson Stalvey Financial
Dave Ramsey
Dave Ramsey Resources
Jim Collins – Simple Path to Wealth (blog post)
Episode Transcript
Grayson Stavely 0:01
They tell me that, you know, we’re communicating better than we have before. Because we’re making it a priority to sit down at a certain time at a time. And I think when that communication happens, and you’re more comfortable with each other, necessarily, the incident aspect is going to come along with it.
Brandon Billinger 0:20
You are in the Dad Huddle, the show where we invite you to join us improving the playbook on father. I am Brandon Billinger, The Rookie dad, father of two and my co-host is Rob Ainbinder, the Digital Dad, father to one.
Rob Ainbinder 0:35
Hey, Brandon, how’s it going?
Brandon Billinger 0:37
Pretty good. How are you man?
Rob Ainbinder 0:38
All right, man. Really looking forward to getting down to it today.
Brandon Billinger 0:41
I know we have a really exciting episode coming up.
Rob Ainbinder 0:44
Yeah, absolutely. So today we’re joined in the Dad Huddle by Grayson Stalvey of Grayson Stalvey Financial Coaching as a financial coach grace and guides focused individuals and families through simple actionable steps to get them from financial frustration to five Financial Freedom, love that. After spending 12 years in the US Coast Guard grace and transition to corporate life and found it lacking mean who has combining a love for teaching and personal finance, he started Grayson style the financial coaching as a way to inject purpose back into his life and make meaningful difference in the well being of those he works with. Since launching in January 2019 Grason Stalvey Financial Coaching has guided clients through paying off nearly a quarter-million dollars in consumer debt, as well as reducing stress and anxiety and improving communication and Financial Peace. Grayson has been married to his wife for eight years. They have three children and currently live in Cincinnati, Ohio. Grayson, welcome to the Dad Huddle.
Grayson Stalvey 1:46
Thanks, Rob. Thanks, Brandon. I’m so excited to be here.
Brandon Billinger 1:49
Yeah, we’re excited to have you.
Grayson Stalvey 1:50
Absolutely.
Brandon Billinger 1:52
Yeah. So Grayson, let’s let’s get right into this. The topic of budgeting, spending, money management with your partner? It can be a very difficult conversation to have. How do you suggest starting that conversation with money management with with your partner?
Grayson Stalvey 2:14
Yeah, it’s a great question. Um, the statistics show that money is one of the number one causes of divorce in America today. So having that open dialogue is essential to know a healthy marriage. When you’re looking to start that conversation, it’s really important to approach it in a non judgmental way. You know, you find a space that’s non threatening for both of you, you know, pour glass of wine and just sit down and talk about it. Um, it’s really important to be clear on what your priorities are, when you’re, when you’re beginning this process. You know, what do you hope to accomplish? What do you want to do with your money? And oftentimes, it’s not uncommon for two couples to have different priorities. And you know, it’s really just part of the process. When I work through this with my clients, what I have them do is is, you know, separately, come up with a list of what your top priorities are getting out of debt, paying off the mortgage, saving up for renovations to the house college funds, what have you. Come up with your list of priorities, and then make it make your top 10. And then when you get each got your list, get back together and see where that overlap is because even couples that have wildly different priorities, they’re going to have a couple of things that they agree on our on their top 10 on their list, and you find that common ground and you move from there. So I find that’s really the best way to get started with that. Interesting,
Rob Ainbinder 3:46
very interesting, I guess in a related way, what have you found is the best way to handle money between a dad and his wife or partner
Grayson Stalvey 4:00
I’m a big fan of combined financials in committed relationships, marriages or, you know, long term commitments. If you essentially if you if you’ve committed to spending the rest of your life with someone. I’m a big fan of combining those finances just because it puts that commitment in a more tangible, real manner. There’s no there’s no hedging in that scenario. Yeah. Does that answer the question?
Rob Ainbinder 4:31
Yeah, absolutely.
Brandon Billinger 4:32
Yeah. Yeah. for dads who have hit, you know, the finance or, you know, families who have hit the financial bottom, I know I, we’ve, we’ve hit this. A couple of years ago, we hit you know, our bank account was at zero. I mean, and I got the bank, I got the text message from my bank, and I went, Oh, crap, you know, how are we going to be able to make the next market we made it work and then we were recovering from that, but How do you advise that couples dads who have reached that financial bottom recover from situations like that?
Grayson Stalvey 5:08
That’s all too common of a scenario. A lot of people hit that rock bottom and they just feel hopeless, they don’t know where to go. In reality, it happens to more people than you probably realize. So the first thing is realize you’re not alone in that situation, you’re not the first person to be there and you’re not going to be the last. If you do find yourself in this situation, that’s when having that priority list really comes in handy. If you’re in a situation where money’s tight, and you know, you’re, you’re having to choose between, you know, paying the mortgage, paying the bills, and you’re having to make those concerted, the conscientious decisions of where your money’s going to go. I recommend people cover your four walls first, have a roof over your head, put food on the table, put gas in the car so you can go to work and keep yourself closed. So We call those the four walls. After that, you’re gonna you’re going to cut out anything unnecessary, until you take care of what you need to take care of your your obligations to keep that roof over your head to keep the car in possession to keep yourself from getting sued. So four walls and then you hit that debt hard. And that requires a lot of sacrifice that requires saying no to things that maybe you haven’t had to say no to before, and really just making some decisions that you may not have been prepared to make. And really that’s what having a good accountability partner really comes in handy. Whether it’s your spouse, whether it’s a friend that you trust, whether it’s a financial coach, just someone to keep you on the right track and focused on what your goal is.
Rob Ainbinder 6:49
Interesting.
Brandon Billinger 6:50
Okay. Great advice. Great advice.
Rob Ainbinder 6:52
Great advice. And I heard I heard four walls and I know the four walls so I guess You’re somehow a fan of Dave Ramsey?
Grayson Stalvey 7:04
Big fan of Dave Ramsey. I teach Financial Peace University at my church. I am a graduate of the Ramsey Solutions, financial coach master training. I’m a certified financial coach through Ramsey Solutions and I’m a preferred financial coach. So, if folks go to Dave Ramsey’s website (www.daveramsey.com) on the on the bottom right, there’s a speak one on one with a coach and if you enter anywhere between Cincinnati and Lexington, Kentucky, its chances are my name will pop up. So yeah, big fan of Dave Ramsey.
Rob Ainbinder 7:36
Oh, nice. Nice. Nice. Yeah. So as dads, we we might have had have a strained relationship with our wives over money. You know, there’s maybe there’s some baggage around money. Maybe we bring bad experiences with money with into the relationship. You know, what, what do you advise that we do as dads in committed relationships about that.
Grayson Stalvey 8:07
Again, it really comes down to communication. Um, we talked earlier about how money is one of the number one causes of divorce in our country. And a big part of that is financial infidelity, not being honest with what you’re doing with your money, whether you’ve got a hidden bank account, whether you’ve got credit cards your spouse doesn’t know about. So if you’re committed to that relationship and committed to having that financial talk, being open and transparent with what your money where your money is, and where it’s going is essential to that. Another thing I do with my clients is I have them set up weekly meetings with their spouses, and this is just a 1530 minutes Sit down. Again, find a non judgmental space where you’re both comfortable. Don’t do it like where you pay your bills, where you guys have had fights before, you know, find a place where you can just sit down and relax and Review the money you spent in the past week, review the expenses you have coming up in the next week. And then if you have a budget, just look at where you are, over the course of the month with that budget. So you have an idea of where your money’s gone, where you’re expected to go and about how much money you have left in that budget. And when it comes to that meeting,
