Listen Now

About This Episode As Dads, we have all struggled with money and budgeting. In this episode we unravel some of this with our guest Grayson Stalvey of Grayson Stalvey Financial.  We talk about the great things that can happen when we get on the same page with wives. As well as some tips for getting on the same page and what to do when a financial emergency strikes. Mentioned In This Episode Grayson Stalvey Financial Dave Ramsey Dave Ramsey Resources Jim Collins – Simple Path to Wealth (blog post) Episode Transcript Grayson Stavely 0:01 They tell me that, you know, we’re communicating better than we have before. Because we’re making it a priority to sit down at a certain time at a time. And I think when that communication happens, and you’re more comfortable with each other, necessarily, the incident aspect is going to come along with it. Brandon Billinger 0:20 You are in the Dad Huddle, the show where we invite you to join us improving the playbook on father. I am Brandon Billinger, The Rookie dad, father of two and my co-host is Rob Ainbinder, the Digital Dad, father to one. Rob Ainbinder 0:35 Hey, Brandon, how’s it going? Brandon Billinger 0:37 Pretty good. How are you man? Rob Ainbinder 0:38 All right, man. Really looking forward to getting down to it today. Brandon Billinger 0:41 I know we have a really exciting episode coming up. Rob Ainbinder 0:44 Yeah, absolutely. So today we’re joined in the Dad Huddle by Grayson Stalvey of Grayson Stalvey Financial Coaching as a financial coach grace and guides focused individuals and families through simple actionable steps to get them from financial frustration to five Financial Freedom, love that. After spending 12 years in the US Coast Guard grace and transition to corporate life and found it lacking mean who has combining a love for teaching and personal finance, he started Grayson style the financial coaching as a way to inject purpose back into his life and make meaningful difference in the well being of those he works with. Since launching in January 2019 Grason Stalvey Financial Coaching has guided clients through paying off nearly a quarter-million dollars in consumer debt, as well as reducing stress and anxiety and improving communication and Financial Peace. Grayson has been married to his wife for eight years. They have three children and currently live in Cincinnati, Ohio. Grayson, welcome to the Dad Huddle. Grayson Stalvey 1:46 Thanks, Rob. Thanks, Brandon. I’m so excited to be here. Brandon Billinger 1:49 Yeah, we’re excited to have you. Grayson Stalvey 1:50 Absolutely. Brandon Billinger 1:52 Yeah. So Grayson, let’s let’s get right into this. The topic of budgeting, spending, money management with your partner? It can be a very difficult conversation to have. How do you suggest starting that conversation with money management with with your partner? Grayson Stalvey 2:14 Yeah, it’s a great question. Um, the statistics show that money is one of the number one causes of divorce in America today. So having that open dialogue is essential to know a healthy marriage. When you’re looking to start that conversation, it’s really important to approach it in a non judgmental way. You know, you find a space that’s non threatening for both of you, you know, pour glass of wine and just sit down and talk about it. Um, it’s really important to be clear on what your priorities are, when you’re, when you’re beginning this process. You know, what do you hope to accomplish? What do you want to do with your money? And oftentimes, it’s not uncommon for two couples to have different priorities. And you know, it’s really just part of the process. When I work through this with my clients, what I have them do is is, you know, separately, come up with a list of what your top priorities are getting out of debt, paying off the mortgage, saving up for renovations to the house college funds, what have you. Come up with your list of priorities, and then make it make your top 10. And then when you get each got your list, get back together and see where that overlap is because even couples that have wildly different priorities, they’re going to have a couple of things that they agree on our on their top 10 on their list, and you find that common ground and you move from there. So I find that’s really the best way to get started with that. Interesting, Rob Ainbinder 3:46 very interesting, I guess in a related way, what have you found is the best way to handle money between a dad and his wife or partner Grayson Stalvey 4:00 I’m a big fan of combined financials in committed relationships, marriages or, you know, long term commitments. If you essentially if you if you’ve committed to spending the rest of your life with someone. I’m a big fan of combining those finances just because it puts that commitment in a more tangible, real manner. There’s no there’s no hedging in that scenario. Yeah. Does that answer the question? Rob Ainbinder 4:31 Yeah, absolutely. Brandon Billinger 4:32 Yeah. Yeah. for dads who have hit, you know, the finance or, you know, families who have hit the financial bottom, I know I, we’ve, we’ve hit this. A couple of years ago, we hit you know, our bank account was at zero. I mean, and I got the bank, I got the text message from my bank, and I went, Oh, crap, you know, how are we going to be able to make the next market we made it work and then we were recovering from that, but How do you advise that couples dads who have reached that financial bottom recover from situations like that? Grayson Stalvey 5:08 That’s all too common of a scenario. A lot of people hit that rock bottom and they just feel hopeless, they don’t know where to go. In reality, it happens to more people than you probably realize. So the first thing is realize you’re not alone in that situation, you’re not the first person to be there and you’re not going to be the last. If you do find yourself in this situation, that’s when having that priority list really comes in handy. If you’re in a situation where money’s tight, and you know, you’re, you’re having to choose between, you know, paying the mortgage, paying the bills, and you’re having to make those concerted, the conscientious decisions of where your money’s going to go. I recommend people cover your four walls first, have a roof over your head, put food on the table, put gas in the car so you can go to work and keep yourself closed. So We call those the four walls. After that, you’re gonna you’re going to cut out anything unnecessary, until you take care of what you need to take care of your your obligations to keep that roof over your head to keep the car in possession to keep yourself from getting sued. So four walls and then you hit that debt hard. And that requires a lot of sacrifice that requires saying no to things that maybe you haven’t had to say no to before, and really just making some decisions that you may not have been prepared to make. And really that’s what having a good accountability partner really comes in handy. Whether it’s your spouse, whether it’s a friend that you trust, whether it’s a financial coach, just someone to keep you on the right track and focused on what your goal is. Rob Ainbinder 6:49 Interesting. Brandon Billinger 6:50 Okay. Great advice. Great advice. Rob Ainbinder 6:52 Great advice. And I heard I heard four walls and I know the four walls so I guess You’re somehow a fan of Dave Ramsey? Grayson Stalvey 7:04 Big fan of Dave Ramsey. I teach Financial Peace University at my church. I am a graduate of the Ramsey Solutions, financial coach master training. I’m a certified financial coach through Ramsey Solutions and I’m a preferred financial coach. So, if folks go to Dave Ramsey’s website (www.daveramsey.com) on the on the bottom right, there’s a speak one on one with a coach and if you enter anywhere between Cincinnati and Lexington, Kentucky, its chances are my name will pop up. So yeah, big fan of Dave Ramsey. Rob Ainbinder 7:36 Oh, nice. Nice. Nice. Yeah. So as dads, we we might have had have a strained relationship with our wives over money. You know, there’s maybe there’s some baggage around money. Maybe we bring bad experiences with money with into the relationship. You know, what, what do you advise that we do as dads in committed relationships about that. Grayson Stalvey 8:07 Again, it really comes down to communication. Um, we talked earlier about how money is one of the number one causes of divorce in our country. And a big part of that is financial infidelity, not being honest with what you’re doing with your money, whether you’ve got a hidden bank account, whether you’ve got credit cards your spouse doesn’t know about. So if you’re committed to that relationship and committed to having that financial talk, being open and transparent with what your money where your money is, and where it’s going is essential to that. Another thing I do with my clients is I have them set up weekly meetings with their spouses, and this is just a 1530 minutes Sit down. Again, find a non judgmental space where you’re both comfortable. Don’t do it like where you pay your bills, where you guys have had fights before, you know, find a place where you can just sit down and relax and Review the money you spent in the past week, review the expenses you have coming up in the next week. And then if you have a budget, just look at where you are, over the course of the month with that budget. So you have an idea of where your money’s gone, where you’re expected to go and about how much money you have left in that budget. And when it comes to that meeting,

About This Episode In this episode of the Dad Huddle we talk all things travel from traveling with kids to things we did well and things we failed at. We also include our personal Rules of the Road. Enjoy! Mentioned In This Episode Rob Ainbinder 4:15:  Amtrak eliminates dining car on many trains.   Episode Transcript Rob Ainbinder 0:02 Oh, what’s this thingy here you’re calling it? A podcast? What’s that? Podcast? those on the interwebs? You are in the dad huddle, the show where we invite you to join us in improving the playbook on fatherhood. I’m your co host Rob Ainbinder Digital dad, father to one teenager. And you’re joined in the huddle by my co host, Brandon Billinger. The Rookie Dad, father of two kids, ages three and eight. Brandon Billinger 0:34 That’s right. And for this episode, we thought we talked to you a little bit about some of the we talk all things travel, tips, tricks, hacks, fails, even because we all have traveling with be a little bit a little bit appropriate to mix. Throw that in the in the mix, right, Rob? Rob Ainbinder 0:56 Absolutely. Sounds like a great, great topic for this time of year. Brandon Billinger 1:01 I know I failed. I fail all the time. Rob Ainbinder 1:03 I have a very specific fail. Yeah. I just thought of one. Brandon Billinger 1:10 We’ll save that. We’ll save that Rob Ainbinder 1:12 Save those for last. Exactly. Brandon Billinger 1:14 Exactly. We we don’t want people to think that we’re incapable of traveling with our kids. Rob Ainbinder 1:20 Not falling into that fallacy of the incapable Father. Brandon Billinger 1:24 there you go, right. Rob Ainbinder 1:27 Dads that fail at traveling. A new motion picture. Brandon Billinger 1:32 But yeah, so I mean, I really enjoy traveling. Honestly, I and I, I’ve traveled in with my family in multiple ways. I’ve traveled by air travel by car car being the most popular that we choose. We also really enjoy traveling by train. Which one? Yeah, there’s a train that goes from Kansas City to St. Louis, that we’ve taken a couple of times and tell you what that is one of the most convenient ways to travel to be absolutely yeah, Rob Ainbinder 1:58 yeah. We we took train from Greensboro, North Carolina to Raleigh. That was a nice little trip and, and prior to that decades previous to that we took the train from New Jersey to Boston, trips like that, really, it’s a neat way to travel by train. Brandon Billinger 2:16 It is a very relaxing way to Rob Ainbinder 2:19 it is very low stress. Brandon Billinger 2:21 The last time I took it, I had I took business class because I was taking a an influencer trip to St. Louis. And I took business class and on my way back, I had the entire business class section to myself. Rob Ainbinder 2:36 Really? Brandon Billinger 2:36 Yeah, it was awesome. I like but I’m like laying back and I’m like, Yeah, I got this. What do you do and you have the entire business class of Amtrack to yourself. Rob Ainbinder 2:50 That’s awesome. Brandon Billinger 2:51 Yeah. Rob Ainbinder 2:52 Yeah. I will say I’m traveling by train. It’s a different pace. Brandon Billinger 2:57 Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Rob Ainbinder 2:59 You have to account for time with that… can’t be in a huge hurry Brandon Billinger 3:04 Well, and yeah, and they’re always there. If they say they’re going to be there, or you know, wherever or if your destination at a certain time, take into account there’s going to be delays more more likely than you would be flying. Yeah, yeah. I mean, different pace is a much, much different pace. Everything moves a little bit slower. But it is it’s always fun to see the country go by it. So Rob Ainbinder 3:28 I mean, I mean, people for hundreds of years traveled by train. So in some ways, you’re kind of stepping back into that time. Things are just just like you said a little bit slower. You get to see more of the country and that’s part of the goal and I think you know, if you’re trying to up the experience level, a train is a really easy way to kind of add experience to a trip. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Brandon Billinger 3:59 And it’s Always nice because you’re able to get up you’re able to walk to you know a cafe car whatever and kind of you know that you’re not stuck in your you know in a plane you’re stuck in your seat for that for the entire time, Rob Ainbinder 4:10 but I guess a half at the cafe cars undergoing this huge change Brandon Billinger 4:15 is it? Rob Ainbinder 4:15 Yeah I read an article a couple months ago and we’ll link to that in the show notes. But yeah, they are in in reaction to the newest wave of travellers their preferences. They are now getting rid of the the table, the tablecloth, the seated dinner, the dinner car is going to evolve into I guess more of a cafe format where passengers can take to go meals with them back to their cars. Brandon Billinger 4:49 this nice Rob Ainbinder 4:50 private cars because I guess the travelers that are just becoming familiar with the trains now that are of traveling age don’t wish to have communal dining experiences their preferences are different Brandon Billinger 5:06 Right. See, and I did that one time I wrote a train down to see one of my good friends in college when I’m he lived down in New Mexico. I took it from Wichita down to I can’t remeber…. Santa Fe? And ate in the dining car a couple times. And I met this great and wonderful family. And I was traveling alone. So yeah, so I so I was able to sit with this other. I was, basically you’re free at that time, you were forced to sit with somebody because they can accommodate, you know, just one person sitting at a table for four. Rob Ainbinder 5:37 right Brandon Billinger 5:38 Because they’ve got limited space. So I met this I met this single mom and she had her kid with her and like he and I hit it off. So so like yeah, so like the entire trip. I mean, we hung out in the observation car and just like talked and had fun. And I mean it was I mean it was a blast. I thought that was probably one of the best experiences that you could have when you’re traveling. So Rob Ainbinder 6:01 absolutely, yeah, yeah. When I read the article I was I was kind of, you know, honestly, I was a bit sad. Brandon Billinger 6:09 Yeah, Rob Ainbinder 6:09 because I thought that that was a real highlight of the experience of traveling is doing and meeting but I guess the Amtrak’s market research revealed something else about these these other travelers, these younger travelers. Brandon Billinger 6:26 And I can see that and you can kind of take it to when you’re traveling by plane. You never know who’s going to be sitting next to you. So I mean, I wish they would keep it and I kind of hope they at least keep some aspect of it as they move forward. And like I said, I haven’t seen I haven’t seen the article. I’ll be interested to certainly read that. Yeah, that’s cool. Yeah, that’ll be interesting. I’m glad to see that they’re involved evolving with the times though. Rob Ainbinder 6:50 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. They’re definitely evolving with the times and they even an article it was this photo of this. This mother and the son who had taking multiple trips and you know that that whole thing about the dining car changing and and, and they weren’t really thrilled that that was happening because they like you got a lot of rich experiences from it but yet they’re changing with the times and travels. Travel is evolving for sure. Yeah, that’s you know, I think the trips I took were just date day trips, they weren’t like multi day trip. So I never got kind of a overnight sort of experience with a train but I’m certainly I you know, traveling by car. I’ve had all sorts Brandon Billinger 7:43 everyone does. Rob Ainbinder 7:45 You know, we’ve we’ve experimented with when to leave, right? When’s a good time to leave and, um, first we started late at night. That didn’t work. We Got to about 1112 o’clock at night, we hit this wall. We’re just looking for the next place to lay our heads down. Right, just looking. So after that experience we started leaving early morning, like three 4am 4am then by the time you know 889 hours go by your it’s afternoon you know, and and you’re almost to your desk destination least on the East Coast, right? Um, and and that work better for us. But I will say not every trip is without its hiccups. Right. Brandon Billinger 8:45 Right. So and I also think when you when you’re traveling with little ones the other thing to take into consideration especially when you’re driving or driving or traveling by car, is there nap times, as well? Absolutely. I know. We will. Always try and hit, we would try and leave right at a nap time. So that way we could at least get a good three or four hours down the road, depending on how far destination was. Right? So we so we would always try and hit hit right at nap time. That would be right around like one or two o’clock in the afternoon. Okay, so that gave us a good enough time to get down the road. And we could stop grab a bite to eat and the kids would still be refreshed for what however long or how much longer we had, which would usually be about two to three hours. Gotcha. Yeah, I mean, that was one of the things that we learned as we were traveling my car now. Now things are a little bit different because our Joseph our three year old doesn’t take naps as off or you know, doesn’t take naps as much. You know, where we have a little bit more freedom as to when we leave. So, okay. Rob Ainbinder 9:51 Yeah, there was this one trip that we took from North Carolina to

In This Episode In this episode, we talk all things Thanksgiving turkey. Including brining, preparing, cooking outside on a smoker, grill or fryer as well as some memorable Thanksgiving memories from Rob and Brandon. Mentioned In This Episode The Fat Man’s Brine (with some small modifications) a turkey brine Rob has used for decades. Oklahoma Joe’s Highland Offset Smoker (Rob’s smoker, aka “Bertha”. That has cooked the majority of turkey over the last 17 years) The Big Easy Oil-less Turkey Fryer  (Brandon’s new favorite way to cook a turkey)   Episode Transcript Rob Ainbinder 0:01 It’s interesting when we as men managed to wrestle this away from those that typically do it. You know, I sometimes take it as it as a big win for mankind. Because proportionally there’s still a lot of turkeys are cooked in the oven. You are in the dad huddle, the show where we invite you to join us in improving the playbook on fatherhood. I’m your co-host Rob Ainbinder, the Digital Dad, father to one and you’re joined in the huddle by my co-host Brandon Billinger. The Rookie Dad father of two growing boys. Brandon Billinger 0:38 Hello, how are you doing there, Rob? Rob Ainbinder 0:42 Doing well, Brandon, how are you doing? Brandon Billinger 0:44 Oh, I’m hanging in there. You know, that’s it seems to be my go-to thing. It’s just I’m hanging in there. Sometimes. That’s all that matters. Rob Ainbinder 0:52 Yeah, you know, some days you just have to put one foot in front of the other. Brandon Billinger 0:57 And after the week I had last week Yes. That’s exactly how I feel, I’m like alright and just right keep keep on truckin there’s there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Rob Ainbinder 1:09 There is light at the end of the tunnel. You made it to another day. Brandon Billinger 1:14 That’s right things are going to get better. I can guarantee you that Rob Ainbinder 1:17 Every day above dirt is a good one. Brandon Billinger 1:19 That’s right. That’s right. Rob Ainbinder 1:22 So we have today the big run up to Thanksgiving. Brandon Billinger 1:29 Yeah, yeah, we’re recording this the week before Thanksgiving. So we thought we’d give you some tips, tricks, hacks. Things not to do when you’re cooking the Thanksgiving turkey or whatever you happen to be cooking for Thanksgiving or whenever as a matter. Yeah, I mean, because you don’t just have to cook a turkey on Thanksgiving. Rob Ainbinder 1:55 That’s true. You don’t you can cook a turkey anytime. Brandon Billinger 1:59 You can cook it on Black Friday. Rob Ainbinder 2:02 Yeah. Christmas Day. Yeah, there you go. There you go cook it on July 4. Brandon Billinger 2:08 Whoo. What’s more American than that? Rob Ainbinder 2:12 Right, Thanksgiving, thanksgiving in the summer. Brandon Billinger 2:17 That sounds like an idea. Rob Ainbinder 2:19 We’re going to be talking about mostly is cooking turkey outside. Brandon Billinger 2:24 Yeah. Rob Ainbinder 2:25 Yeah. So the thing about cooking, I think one of the biggest benefits of cooking the turkey outside is it frees up the oven for everything else. Brandon Billinger 2:36 Mm hmm. Rob Ainbinder 2:37 At a high level that’s like the bonus inside of all of this. And then if you as a dad, decide that you’re going to take on cooking outside, through something, that we’ll talk about later. This frees up kind of whoever else helps in the prep, to kind of use the oven for everything else, right stovetop, the oven for everything else Brandon Billinger 2:58 And this doesn’t just go for Thanksgiving you This goes for you know grilling, barbecuing, you know, cooking outside and just in general. Rob Ainbinder 3:07 Yeah, Christmas dinner, you know, whatever. Brandon Billinger 3:09 I think that’s one of the that’s the biggest advantage to cooking you know cooking outside just in general is just I mean the oven can be used for whatever else needs to be done I mean because a lot of times you’re cooking vegetables in there or you know you’re roasting something whatever Rob Ainbinder 3:25 You’re baking something whatever Brandon Billinger 3:27 you’re baking that pie Rob Ainbinder 3:30 hint hint You effectively increase the square footage of your kitchen by cooking out the main dish outside. So yeah, yeah, really great Brandon Billinger 3:46 When it comes to it. There are things you need to kind of follow along or do in the process to make sure that whatever you’re cooking outside is going to be absolutely delicious correct? Rob Ainbinder 4:00 Yeah, absolutely. And I’d say the first thing is brine that bird. Brandon Billinger 4:06 Mm hm. Rob Ainbinder 4:08 The single this the one of the first steps to cooking a bird, unless of course you’re frying. Don’t brine. Inject instead, but any way else you’re going to fix a bird smoke, you know, whatever oil-less fryer, grill, indirect grill, direct grill, all of those can benefit from brining. And a long time ago, I was exposed to a recipe called The Fat Man’s Brine. Brandon Billinger 4:40 Ooh. Rob Ainbinder 4:41 Now the fat man was a member of back in the day when we had these alt dot newsgroups online. We were members of the alt food BBQ news group. And this is where I kind of cut my teeth on barbecue in general and And he shared this brine and it’s been shared many times over. In fact, I took his recipe and made some small modifications really small and reposted it on my blog and I think in the show notes, this for this episode will link over to it so you have a brine to get started with. So what’s been your experience with brining Brandon? Brandon Billinger 5:24 Well, I tried out Thanksgiving, right not I don’t want to call it a Thanksgiving it was it. I tried out a turkey this weekend. And I, I do brine over my brains are very bitter, very, fairly simple. And one of the things that I learned this weekend though, was I think I use too much salt in the brine without adding any other like sugar or any other spices, spices or whatever. Okay, so that was probably my biggest mistake this past weekend because it. I mean, the turkey did turn out a little bit more on the salty side now. Juicy, but you could definitely taste the salt. Yeah. Rob Ainbinder 6:04 And I think this brings up a good point is the other thing is if you’re going to try anything new in your cooking method of a turkey for Thanksgiving or any other holiday. To do a dry run ahead of the actual day, that way you have a chance to troubleshoot. You know, you had a problem with the brine that gives you a chance to kind of work back out what went wrong. It sounds like maybe your ratio of water to salt was a little off Brandon Billinger 6:33 right Rob Ainbinder 6:34 What I know about writing and that goes for anything else. If you’re, you just get that brand new smoker and you think you know you’re going to cook a turkey for Thanksgiving, well, back it up a week. And do a dry run with a chicken or something else. Brandon Billinger 6:52 Don’t go Don’t go balls to the wall. And think oh, I want to get a turkey right the first time. Rob Ainbinder 7:00 Yeah Brandon Billinger 7:01 Actually understanding whatever cooking vessel you happen to be using, Rob Ainbinder 7:05 Right. Yeah. Yeah. Because you introduce any new variable to your cooking process. It’s a whole new learning curve. Brandon Billinger 7:14 Right. And, and I have a little bit of experience in this because several years ago, I tried cooking a turkey, right. I had a rotisserie for my grill at that time. And I tried to cook a turkey on it, and thinking, Oh, I’m gonna, it’s going to turn out just perfect. And I had this mentality. And in fact, you know, I didn’t understand the meat thermometer that came with it, I didn’t and then there were certain things with the rotisserie that I didn’t understand, like wait making sure the counterweight is set properly, and how to set that because there’s a specific way like you let the turkey you let the turkey spin its way down to the very bottom are facing down and then you put the counterweight facing up on the stage. So that way there’s enough weight to kind of keep it rotating throughout the house because it’s going to be cooking for three to four hours on the grill so you want to make sure that rotisserie spit keeps spinning I didn’t under I didn’t understand that at the time. Yeah, so I was constantly out there manning the spit making sure that it was spinning in fact it never the turkey never got done we ended up having to put it in the oven anyway. Oh, so yeah, so there’s so make sure you understand yet I start small in my Yeah, I start I used a brand new euless fryer this past week and that’s how I started I started out small with like chicken drumsticks. Yeah, my way to a whole chicken. Great and I made my way and I was like, Okay, now I got this. I can understand how this thing works a little bit. Yeah. And I cooked I think I may be cooked one more thing in there between the chicken and the turkey but that that at that point, I understood how fryer Rob Ainbinder 7:15 I so I’ve cooked I fried a turkey a couple of times and in between that I smoked a turkey and the resounding feedback from the family that was assembled on on in the years that I fried and then smoked and then Friday again they preferred smoke that I smoke it offset smoker in Oklahoma Joe smoker that I have. Brandon Billinger 9:30 Yeah I’m not sure what it is about an oil fried turkey but I always tend to gravitate more towards the either smoked or the rotisserie rotisserie turkey or even even this oiless fryer that I have from Char-Broil is The Big Easy. I tell you what that that thing. Abso

In This Episode We talk about things that we wished we knew before becoming dads.  And talk things we learned and continue to learn along the way. Mentioned In This Episode Rob attempts to sing Queensryche’s “Take Hold of the Flame” when talking about grilling. LOL! Books mentioned: The Happiest Baby on the Block The Highly Sensitive Child Episode Transcript Brandon Billinger 0:01 Every child is different. So you’re going to have to go about the about every single new experience or episode differently. Whether it’s potty training, sleep, you know, just general everyday sort of things. Rob Ainbinder 0:19 You are you’re in the Dad Huddle, the show where we invite you to join us in improving the playbook on fatherhood. I’m your co host, Rob Ainbinder the Digital Dad, father to one teenager. And you’re joined in the huddle by my co host, Brandon Billinger. The Rookie Dad, father of two kids, ages three and eight. Brandon Billinger 0:40 Hey, how are you doing there Rob? Rob Ainbinder 0:42 Terrific, Brandon, how you doing? Brandon Billinger 0:44 I’m hanging in there hanging. hanging in there. Rob Ainbinder 0:48 Better then hanging out there. Brandon Billinger 0:49 Yeah, you could say that. It’s it. It’s been a wild week. I’ll say that. I mean, it’s just, it’s been crazy. Rob Ainbinder 0:58 Tell me about it. My week has been jam slap up packed, jack. Yeah so um it’s cooling off and this time of year I see erupt kind of discussions around is grilling season over? Brandon Billinger 1:17 no it’s never over Rob Ainbinder 1:19 no I never over Brandon Billinger 1:23 Never I don’t care if there’s you know six inches of snow out there I will be I will uncover the grill and I will I will start it I will fire that grill up. Rob Ainbinder 1:34 “Take Hold of the Flame” Brandon Billinger 1:40 What was that? Rob Ainbinder 1:41 Some 80’s song. Yeah, I have to look it up. Cuz I forget Brandon Billinger 1:48 Interesting. Rob Ainbinder 1:50 And it had to do with fire which was grilling. So there you go. Brandon Billinger 1:53 Yeah. All right. That makes sense. Rob Ainbinder 1:59 So yeah, grilling season is never done and neither is barbecue season. It’s, it’s always a great time to barbecue. I have seen guys talk about doing it in doing that in 30 degree weather and in 16 below weather. But I will tell you, you use a hell of a lot of fuel 16 below to get to something around 200 or 300 degrees. Brandon Billinger 2:26 Yeah, I was gonna say you have to keep that thing. Yeah. Yeah, you have to keep it hot. Yeah, in some way, shape or form. Rob Ainbinder 2:33 Exactly. So there is decline. There is increasing costs, in cooking. In extremely low temperatures. Brandon Billinger 2:43 But it’s all worth it. Rob Ainbinder 2:44 But it’s all worth it. Fire kisssed goodness. Brandon Billinger 2:48 That is right. Well, so so for this episode, we really wanted to talk about the things that we wish we knew when we became parents because we can all all of us read read the books. We go to parenting classes, but there’s a lot of things that they don’t teach us or I mean, or that we’re not we have to learn along the way as our kids get older. So, so yeah, so let’s Rob what was one of the things that you wish you knew when you became either a parent or dad or you know yeah. Rob Ainbinder 3:29 I didn’t know just how dog damn tired I’d be the nightly that you know the twice nightly feeding the changings all of those things clearly. There wasn’t any but they said be tired, but I just didn’t know to what depths I’d been tired. I felt like I was one of the zombies on the episode one of the episodes of The Walking Dead. Quite frankly, yeah. It was something else. coffee coffee still my friend but it was a little more than friends for a long time Brandon Billinger 4:09 Yes, it was and in my house it still is. Rob Ainbinder 4:12 Yeah, I hear you brother. I hear you. Brandon Billinger 4:15 There’s not a morning that won’t go by that I’m just like kids just wait until I have this one cup please don’t let me get to let me get that let me get this first cup in me and then we’re going to be golden Rob Ainbinder 4:27 Interesting now with a teenager because she’ll grab a cup of coffee on her way out the door most mornings Brandon Billinger 4:33 Uh Huh. Rob Ainbinder 4:33 So sometimes she she leaves it set up for me and sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes I leave it set up for her sometimes I don’t. But we’re we’re both Yeah, I have two cups in the morning typically. Brandon Billinger 4:47 Yeah, I’m a I drink a drink a cup of bulletproof coffee in the morning which is like it has a tablespoon of ghee butter in it and then it has some other like, I think Coconut oil or something in there and I’m so that’s my first cup to kind of get me up and going and then after that it’s just it’s straight black coffee. I can’t I can’t add anything else other than that I can’t add anything else to my coffee I can’t I just can’t stand it Rob Ainbinder 5:19 What else did I not anticipate being in for when I became a parent. The instant connectedness at the heart. Brandon Billinger 5:29 Oh, that’s a good one Rob Ainbinder 5:31 To know right at birth. They were completely and utterly dependent on you and would likely grow up to love you unconditionally. Most days. Brandon Billinger 5:47 Mostdays, Rob Ainbinder 5:48 Most days Brandon Billinger 5:49 there are those days that they absolutely absolutely hate you or just despise you. I don’t want to use the word hate that’s a little too strong, but Rob Ainbinder 5:59 That’s okay. I think sometimes it approaches that but on occasion. Yeah. Brandon Billinger 6:06 But yeah, one of the things I wish that I had known to was you talked, for some reason when you said instant, the term instant gratification came to my mind and how kids, I feel like in it, and I feel like kind of maybe Netflix has brought this along, but because you turn on Netflix, and you can watch whatever you want, when you want, and I feel like that has translated over into their everyday life now where they feel like they if they go to the grocery store, they’re going to get some there are that we go to the, say Target or you know, wherever we’re going shopping at sure that they get, they get whatever they want. Whenever we go there, and I’m like, No, it doesn’t happen that way. Sorry. They have an instant gratification things happen right when they want it when they want it. And that’s one of the things that like, nope. Rob Ainbinder 7:09 You at the age where you’re inserting this thing called work, whatever it might be, Brandon Billinger 7:16 yeah, we have them do chores. At least with the fabulous William he, he’s starting to do his chores. So he’s got to do that to earn some money. So he’s learning the value of the dollar right now. Rob Ainbinder 7:29 So good. He should, everybody should. Yeah. Brandon Billinger 7:34 And then one of the other things that I wish that I had known was just how different two kids can be. Because when I when we had our second I realized he is completely different than how we are raising him right because he’s three right now Joseph is is completely different than how William was when he was reading when it when he was three. You know, potty training is a completely different, completely different thing to go through with him. I mean, it’s still still a chore every day. We’re trying to get him to go to the bathroom. And we know we’re like you at some point you’re going to have to do this. Rob Ainbinder 8:16 Yeah. Brandon Billinger 8:19 Napping is so much different because William and well actually this is more positive. Joseph would go take a nap. me he’ll take a nap and he’ll go to sleep just fine. Whereas William still needs her stuff when it needed. It was a chore getting him to go to sleep, he would cry. He would. He just wish he would sometimes it would take up to upwards of an hour and a half to get him to go to sleep. And, I mean, the tantrums to oh my gosh with Joseph, or the tantrums are just so much more worse than what they were with William. We often I have been known to say if Joseph was our first he would have been our only Because I was like, I’m sitting here going I do not know that we could go through. I could go through this again. Yeah, I mean, Rob Ainbinder 9:09 it’s just he’s just a bad. Well, it’s a different. Brandon Billinger 9:12 It’s more it’s more intense. Yeah. Yeah. So Rob Ainbinder 9:16 Different personality did Brandon Billinger 9:18 Much, much different personality. Rob Ainbinder 9:21 Yeah, potty training all that stuff. Yeah. Nobody. Nobody told us. Nobody told us that a child would act defiant. In the face of eliminating waste. Brandon Billinger 9:41 Mm hmm. Yes. And that is how Joseph I mean with with William, he was potty trained at a year and a half. And it was no problem, it was it was a week and he was he was done. no accidents. Nothing. Were Joseph, it’s it. It’s we have to ask him to go potty and he’s like, No, I don’t have to go. There. I guess you do go. And then five minutes later there’s an accident. And it’s like some I know some of that’s on on on us as parents because we’re like, we should physically pick him up and take him in. You know, have them go to the bathroom, but But yeah, it’s sometimes it’s just you’re just you’re just sitting there like, I’m too tired. I’ve not had my cup of coffee in the morning. That I’m too tired to take you up. J

Mentioned in this Episode Facebook Groups Dads with Daughters TV Commercial Link to the Facebook Group: Facebook Group Dads with Daughters. Chris’s blog: Dad of Divas Episode Transcript Chris Lewis  0:01  As our children get older with the technology being what it is, it’s making sure that as they were young, you build that, that that tight, cohesive bond with them because as they get into their teenage years, they start to pull away. And that’s something that I think that all of us understand in some aspect because we were all teenagers at one point. Brandon Billinger  0:27  Hello and welcome to the Dad Huddle Podcast. I am your co-host Brandon Billinger sitting in the other chair somewhere in the USA Today is my friend Rob Ainbinder. How you doing my man?  Rob Ainbinder  0:38  Hey Brandon doing good man. How you doing?  Brandon Billinger  0:42  I’m doing all right doing all right it’s a nice like I said we’re I think I said in that last episode where tonight’s fall evening it’s that way today was in the 70s just got out there just pulled a pork tenderloin couple of them off the grill actually and it was phenomenal, phenomenal stuff. Awesome man.  Rob Ainbinder  1:01  Yeah, so I’m really excited about the episode.  Brandon Billinger  1:06  Yeah, me too.  Rob Ainbinder  1:07  first guest  Brandon Billinger  1:08  dude that is that’s like when you know you’ve made it as a podcast is that what I’ve heard? Rob Ainbinder  1:16  Yeah. So we’ve made it we’re all ofickle and stuff. Brandon Billinger  1:20  That’s right. We’re going to be trending on iTunes, right? Yeah. Rob Ainbinder  1:24  Trending on iTunes with our first guest. Brandon Billinger  1:26  Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, we wanted to. Rob you have your daughter right? Rob Ainbinder  1:35  Yep. Just a teenage daughter. Yeah, Brandon Billinger  1:38  I shouldn’t I should know that  Rob Ainbinder  1:40  One and done, famous for saying that. Brandon Billinger  1:44  right. Hopefully she’s not a college one and done right. Maybe that’s a topic for another episode.  Rob Ainbinder  1:52  Yeah, let’s shelve that for another episode. Brandon Billinger  1:57  But yeah, so I mean with you having a daughter, we wanted to talk a little bit about, you know what it’s like to raise a daughter. And we thought it was an important enough topic that we brought Chris Lewis on. Rob Ainbinder  2:11  Yeah. Because he’s like, he’s the dad with many daughters.  Brandon Billinger  2:16  yeah, he he has like, I think, what is it, three of them? I think he’ll tell he’ll tell us in the interview. Rob Ainbinder  2:22  And I’m looking forward to learning more about it because he is the preeminent dad with daughters authority by no question.  Brandon Billinger  2:30  Right, exactly. And he’s got he’s got a phenomenal group that I’m sure we’ll talk about in the interview on Facebook. So you learn about all about that. You know, and so let’s let’s not chitchat around it anymore, and let’s get right into it. Let’s bring in Chris Lewis into the Dad Huddle. We are excited to have Chris Lewis here on The Dad Huddle today. How are you doing, Chris? Chris Lewis  3:02  Great. How are you guys? Brandon Billinger  3:05  Oh, we’re hanging in there. Just another wonderful fall evening here in Midwest in the Midwest. What about you, Rob? Rob Ainbinder  3:12  Yeah, it’s definitely fall-like here today. Glad you could join us tonight Chris. Chris Lewis  3:18  It is my pleasure. I always love talking to you guys. You know, it’s like we don’t get to hang out in person but the through the magic of the airwaves, we can definitely do it at any time.  Brandon Billinger  3:30  Right, right. Yeah. And when I remember meeting you for the first time and maybe it wasn’t that I met you maybe it was it had to have been online, obviously. You know, you were you’re big in the still are big in the blogging community. Tell us a little bit about how you got involved in that. And then you also have kind of a cool Facebook group that you have and kind of give us the history behind that a little bit. Chris Lewis  3:51  Sure thing I started blogging in my blog called Dad of Divas. I started blogging in 2007. So I guess I have to say, I’m one of the OG’s of that, that are still actually blogging because there’s a lot of the guys that when I started, they’re just not blogging anymore. So because life changes, and you know, your priorities change, and but but you know, I started that blog right before my youngest daughter was born. And I did it because I was seeing a lot of friends of mine that were moms that were telling their story that were kind of keeping a journal, doing some doing something to be able to capture some of the moments with their kids. And I really wanted to do that myself. It was kind of cathartic for me being able to put something on paper, not paper, but on the web. And it was a something that I had to learn about because I didn’t know a lot about about blogging, I didn’t know a lot about websites, I had to teach myself along the way. And as things went on, you know, I have to say that the the the the World of dad blogging has changed over the years. You know, it’s been 11 and a half years since I’ve started now about almost 12 years. And back then it was very, very, very much so that you were to write you weren’t to, to talk about products, you weren’t to do anything. If you were a dad blogger, it was to be completely organic and completely about your kid and mom, bloggers, that was okay. They could they could do what they wanted to in regards to talking about products and monetizing and things like that and really helping businesses. But if you did that, as a dad, blogger, it was really frowned upon and looked down upon and as as both of you know, I mean, things have changed.  Rob Ainbinder  5:44  Yeah Chris Lewis  5:44  And, you know, we we have a the ability to keep telling the story and bringing the stories out of other dads and about fatherhood and the importance of fatherhood that now but at the same time, there is the ability for dad to be in the game as well to be able to work with products and to talk to brands and to be able to bring out great products for other dads and and share our experiences with different things to be able to monetize in some aspects and to be able to allow for us to bring some income in for the kind of the the side passions that we have. So, so in a roundabout way, I mean, that’s kind of where Dad of Divas came from. So Dad of Divas was really just the journey of my own experiences along the way with my two girls, because now they are 15 and 11 and a half. So it’s it’s been a long journey with them and my youngest one I’ve been writing since she was born so so it’s it’s it’s definitely been fun. And now, Brandon, you would ask me though about the dads with daughters Facebook group and in that Facebook group. I actually I started it right after the Dad 2.0 summit that I know both of you have been to before. It’s a great conference. And I continue to go back every year because I always get things out of it. But it’s also a great opportunity for us to be able to connect with one another, learn from one another and grow from one another. And for me, I went in 2018, and Facebook was there. And in 2018, there was a they were really talking a lot about Facebook Live at that point. But they also talked a lot about building community. And I felt to myself that, you know, I get comments here and there and some people comment on social media. And I, you know, I sometimes get dads but I also get a lot of moms. And but I never really felt like I had built a true community of dads with daughters. And I said, Well, why don’t I just try it? You know, why don’t I just put a group together and see what I can get. So I after that conference, or actually, I think during the conference, I decided to just put something together and I think I invited every guy that was at Dad 2,0 that had a daughter, at least that I knew of, to join.  Rob Ainbinder  8:03  Right Chris Lewis  8:03  And organically, it just started growing, didn’t do anything special. You know, I think a lot of people started inviting their friends or telling other people, and then it kept growing and growing. And one of the really cool things that happened with the group, though, is that in February of this year, we got contacted by Facebook and Facebook said, we’re putting together a campaign, a campaign to, to boost Facebook groups and to talk about Facebook groups and the importance and power of Facebook groups. And we want your group to be a part of that.  Brandon Billinger  8:40  Awesome Rob Ainbinder  8:41  Yeah, it is really awesome. Chris Lewis  8:43  To be honest. I think Brian Anderson, is my co administrator in the group. And Brian and I think both thought it was spam at first. We were kind of like, is this really true? You don’t know who you are. But, but we took the chance and we talked to him. And it was legit. And they actually brought Brian and his daughter and myself and my two daughters out to New York City in March for a Yankees game where we were we filmed the commercial. And many people have seen the commercial out on the airwaves. And that commercial itself, I mean, it’s just blown the whole community up. It went started. It went live in May of 20. of this year 2019. And at that point, I think we were somewhere between nine and 10,000. Members. And to date, we are almost at 70,000. Brandon Billinger  9:41  Wow

Mentioned in this Episode Rob uses the Calm app for its grief meditation. Rob mentions the Youtube playlist his wife created and grief support from Hospice of Randolph County. Brandon mentions the blog post he wrote talking about his depression. Episode Transcript [music] 00:01 Brandon Billinger: Joys of recording a podcast in the basement of my house. 00:05 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. [laughter] 00:07 Brandon Billinger: Hey, there’s our… 00:07 Rob Ainbinder: Maybe someday, we’ll get some budget and we can soundproof. [chuckle] [music] 00:13 Brandon Billinger: Hello and welcome to the Dad Huddle podcast. I am your co-host, Brandon Billinger. Sitting in the other seat in the second floor, I hear, is… 00:23 Rob Ainbinder: Yup. [chuckle] 00:25 Brandon Billinger: Is my co-host Rob Ainbinder. How are you doing, my man? 00:29 Rob Ainbinder: I’m doing pretty well, Brandon. Not… Pretty well, all things considered. 00:33 Brandon Billinger: That’s good, good, yeah. So we have… We’re gonna be quite honest in this episode. We have taken, I think we calculated, what, was it three, four months off since… 00:43 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, like a four month… We hit the pause button for four months. 00:48 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, and we… Yeah, wow and I… We tried on all of our might to have that not happen, but life gets in the way. And we have some very good reason for that, and especially if you follow any of us on our… Either of us on our blogs, you have an understanding of why this all happened because right after episode three hit, and I’m looking at when I published this post on my site, I went… 01:19 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, what happened with you? 01:20 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, I went through… I went through kind of a moderate depression and I say moderate in the sense that it was… There were… I knew it was happening and I knew the signs to look for, and my wife also kinda made me aware of what exactly was going on. 01:42 Rob Ainbinder: Okay. 01:42 Brandon Billinger: So, yeah, I went through a depression, I was not… To be upfront and honest with everybody, I was not suicidal. So a lot of people think that that is the first sign that people have… That they have when they go through this and it’s really not. When I… As I was going through it, the first sign for me that something was wrong was when my wife looked at me and said, “You need to watch your tone with our son because you are being really hard on him lately.” 02:24 Rob Ainbinder: Oh, really? 02:25 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, and that was the… Like I said, that was the first sign I said, “Okay, something is wrong.” And then I believe it was the next day that she was… My wife again was looking at me. I think we were outside doing something and she asked me, she asked, she said, “What’s wrong?” And I said, “I think I might be depressed.” And she… 02:46 Rob Ainbinder: Really? 02:47 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, I was like… ‘Cause at the time, nothing… I just was, I felt like I was just wandering around, like I didn’t have any meaning to do… Even though I knew at the time… I was even telling myself the entire time… Throughout that entire two-month period in my life, that I was saying to myself, “Okay, I’ve got the kids, I’ve got my wife. I need to be able to still be able to function with them around and let them not know that something is really going wrong and seeing if I can just push through this.” Well, that wasn’t the case and I ended up going to the doctor, getting some help and getting the help that I needed to get through it. So yeah, so that kind of explains what was going on with me at that time and it’s one of those things… I wrote the story and I know that for a lot of people who go through a depression whether it’s very minor, where it’s… Whether it’s moderate or whether it’s really severe, my story seems very… It seems very… I don’t know what the word is. It doesn’t seem as severe as a lot of other cases of people who go through a depression. 04:05 Rob Ainbinder: Well, do you think that it might be somewhat in the eye of the beholder or do you really feel like yours should be graded less than somebody else’s? Because certainly, we see a lot of big examples of extreme… 04:26 Brandon Billinger: Right, and I think that may be why it’s in the eye of the beholder. I think any case of depression is a very serious case and needs to be taken seriously. I think it was just in the eye of the beholder because I also knew the signs that I was looking for as I was going through it, because this isn’t the first time that I’ve gone through a depression in my life. I went through actually a more severe case in college. I knew what I was looking… Some of the things that I was looking for and knew the things to not let myself get to this particular point. And I think also having my wife and kids, I also was not afraid to seek out help as well. And I think that’s what I encourage anyone who’s going through minor, moderate or severe case, or whatever have you, to seek out the help whether it’s to go talk to a family member, or to go see a doctor or whatever. So that’s kind of my story through that case and why I ended up telling my story about going through depression and how I was parenting through that as well. 05:50 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. Well, kudos to you for being… 05:52 Brandon Billinger: Thank you. 05:53 Rob Ainbinder: Brave enough to share that. 05:56 Brandon Billinger: Not everybody is, and I… 05:58 Rob Ainbinder: No. 05:58 Brandon Billinger: And I think it’s a topic that needs to be talked about more. And I also think that, especially with my platform, with The Rookie Dad, I was able to talk a little bit about why I went through it. We’ll have a link to that story in the show notes. 06:15 Rob Ainbinder: Sure. 06:15 Brandon Billinger: So anyway, that’s a little bit about what’s been going on with me over the last… At least for the two months there but then Rob, we had something a little… Or something happened in your life that was very significant, as a matter of fact. Why don’t we… Why don’t you dig into that a little bit? 06:33 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, sure. So… If you haven’t been following my blog over these last 20 months, my wife had a rare form of cancer called glioblastoma multiforme and it’s a brain cancer, and you may have seen some politicians and athletes recently that passed with that same cancer. Well, that’s the same cancer that Angela’s been fighting. When we stopped producing the podcast, things had gotten a little more intense in July and then in mid-August, we transitioned her ’cause she was being cared for at home by me and my daughter and visiting palliative care visits from a nurse twice a week, and a doctor occasionally and… And a nurse, a nurse’s assistant three times a week to help with some hygiene. And so all that was going on the whole time we’ve been… We launched this podcast and all of that, and then finally, let’s see… In August, August 22nd she passed away at Hospice of Randolph County in Asheboro, North Carolina from Glioblastoma and that was a very sad day. Saddest day of my life, saddest day of my life. And yeah, nothing prepares you for that, especially somebody that you’ve been married to for almost… It was just shy of 20 years, 24 years together. 08:26 Brandon Billinger: Right, and I remember that day. I remember watching you go through it, I remember the time that you were posting about it on Facebook, about how she was going downhill and how she was going downhill pretty quickly. And that day, I remember I had to take… I remember taking probably about 30 minutes at work where I just had to walk away and knowing you and I remember… And I’ve never met Ange at all but hearing your stories about her, she felt like family to me and so that’s… I had to take 30 minutes at work and just… I broke down for you ’cause I knew exactly what was coming. I knew that this was… We knew, everyone knew this day was coming, it was just a matter of when. And quite honestly, I wasn’t expecting it that quickly as a matter of fact. 09:26 Rob Ainbinder: No. In fact, I had made plans the next week to have a dinner brought in to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary or it would have been… Yeah, the next week because I’d had a friend come forward who had this husband who was a personal chef at a local private university. He had offered to cook us a meal. I thought, “Wow, that would be perfect way to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary.” And so I had that all set up and I thought the way things were going at the time that I made those plans, it looked like a possibility but then things changed in 24 hours. And then in those last 24 hours, it just… She just progressed more and more, and she entered into what they call active dying and that’s where there are these physical signs that the body is shutting down. One of them is splotchy skin and that’s because the blood flow is being focused on the vital organs and keeping those going meanwhile as a part of the body shutting down that blood withdraws from extremities, from other extremities to preserve the internal organs as long as possible. So that’s what happens when you enter active dying. 11:05 Rob Ainbinder: There’s these definitive stages that nurse… Healthcare professionals and hospice nurses and hospice doctors look for when somebody is passing away, so it’s n

In this episode, we get into a pretty heavy subject… disciplining our children. What methods we use and how we approach disciplining younger children versus disciplining teens. Mentioned in this Episode 01:06: Rob: current barbecue pit of choice: Oklahoma Joe’s Smokers 02:25 Brandon: Kona Brewing  Wailua Wheat 03:12 Rob: Leinenkugel, Grapefruit Shandy, and BottleKeeper, bottle holder. 04:22 Rob: HEB family pack Texas sausage (jalapeno and beef) 12:35 Rob: Rain Bird LG3HE In-ground sprinkler with Click-n-Go Hose Connect Episode Transcript [music] 00:01 Brandon Billinger: Not a lot. I don’t feel like there’s a lot of this conversation going on between parents. 00:12 Announcer: The Dad Huddle podcast. One dad of two kids. The other, the dad of a teenager, talk about life, being a father and what it takes to live in this big world. And now your hosts, Brandon Billinger and Rob Ainbinder. [music] 00:28 Brandon Billinger: Welcome to the Dad Huddle podcast. I am your co-host Brandon Billinger, the rookie dad and sitting in the other chair across the world somewhere, [chuckle] is my co-host, Rob Ainbinder, Digital Dad. How are you doing man? 00:41 Rob Ainbinder: Hey man. Doing well. Yeah, a few miles between us, but we got the innertubes to connect us. 00:47 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, that’s right. The joys of being able to record messages through Skype. 00:53 Rob Ainbinder: Right. [laughter] 00:56 Brandon Billinger: Yeah. 00:57 Rob Ainbinder: Cool. 00:58 Brandon Billinger: We’ve got… At the time that we’re recording this, it’s the week of the 4th of July. Rob, what do you got going on my man? 01:06 Rob Ainbinder: Well, besides working for my clients, I’m planning on July 4th, cooking up some ribs. These will be pork spare ribs, which is different. I usually cook loin back, baby back ribs, on my Oklahoma Joe’s smoker and I’ll be cooking with hickory wood chunks. 01:32 Brandon Billinger: Oh, nice. That sounds delicious. 01:35 Rob Ainbinder: It’s some flavor. 01:37 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, nice. We typically go to a friend’s house. Fireworks aren’t allowed in the county that we live in, so we jump the county lines, to go up and shoot off some fireworks and there’ll be… He’ll fire up his grill and we’ll eat and have a good time. 01:56 Rob Ainbinder: Nice, that sounds like a blast. 02:00 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, it always is. We always spend our kids’ college tuitions on it. [laughter] We probably shouldn’t but we do anyway. 02:10 Rob Ainbinder: One month college tuition. 02:12 Brandon Billinger: There you go. 02:12 Rob Ainbinder: In those future dollars. 02:15 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, yeah. [chuckle] Oh yeah, so what… 02:20 Rob Ainbinder: What are you drinking tonight, man? 02:21 Brandon Billinger: Actually, I’m drinking just a water. 02:24 Rob Ainbinder: Alright. 02:25 Brandon Billinger: But I’ve kind of taken a liking to this new Kona Brewing that we have had available here in Kansas and it’s out of Hawaii. I wanna call it the Wailua Wheat, I’m not sure exactly how to pronounce it, but it is absolutely delicious, perfect for the summer. It’s got a hint of citrus flavor in there. And it’s got passion fruit and all that. It’s really, really good for one of those hot summer days. I wish I knew how to pronounce it, and I’m sorry, Kona Brewing, if I am mis-pronouncing it. [laughter] What about you? What are you drinking? 03:12 Rob Ainbinder: Well. [chuckle] You talk about tough to pronounce and tough to spell. I’m drinking Leinenkugel, Grapefruit Shandy, and I’ve got it in this BottleKeeper, bottle holder. 03:27 Brandon Billinger: Nice. 03:29 Rob Ainbinder: It’s a sweet little thing that my wife got me for a gift a couple of years ago. And you slip the glass bottle in and twist on the bottom and it has a bottle cap opener on this cap that screws in to the top, and then as part of the cap, inside the cap, is a rubber washer that when you screwed it down, it would keep your bottle sealed. So, it’s pretty cool. 04:00 Brandon Billinger: Cool. 04:01 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, and you can get one of those at bottlekeeper.com, apparently. 04:05 Brandon Billinger: Nice, will keep the old beer cool while you’re out at the grill, right? 04:09 Rob Ainbinder: Exactly, yeah, it does. And they’ll say, “Oh, you baby your beer.” No, I enjoy it. I savor it. 04:17 Brandon Billinger: There you go. There you go. So what have you been grilling lately? 04:22 Rob Ainbinder: Well, with everybody coming up and visiting us intermittently from Texas, the one thing we request is they bring some Texas-style smoked sausages and there’s a grocery store chain in Texas called H-E-B, and they have their own private label sausages and it comes in a family pack of like 18 and jalapeno for the wife and just the regular for me. And I’ll grill those up and then we serve it Texas-style, sliced up, on some white bread, with some barbecue sauce, pickles and onions. 05:02 Brandon Billinger: Oh, my mouth is watering over here. [laughter] Geez, that sounds delicious. 05:06 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. Thanks we dig it. Yeah, and it’s a nice quick lunch usually. 05:13 Brandon Billinger: Sounds like it. 05:14 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. I tried the jalapeno ones and just have too many… I have too many taste buds for that..[laughter] That’s just a fact. 05:27 Brandon Billinger: Well, speaking of spicy things, and jalapenos and Mexican food, we’ve been… We’ve got a nice tried and true recipe that we use here. We make fajitas on the grill. 05:39 Rob Ainbinder: Nice. 05:40 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, we get this seasoning, it’s… I wanna call it Mojito… It’s a Mojito lime seasoning that you mix in some apple cider vinegar, water and some other, a few other things, and you marinate the chicken… We use chicken so I marinate it in that Mojito lime mix for about overnight, and then put them on the grill and oh, it’s so good. I even put the green peppers, or the peppers and onions on the grill too. Oh, delicious, delicious. 06:11 Rob Ainbinder: Nice, that’s… 06:11 Brandon Billinger: It’s become a family favorite. 06:14 Rob Ainbinder: Cool, yeah I have a spice mix that I’ve kind of adapted for fajitas. And I do chicken like you do. And my family likes it when we do that, although oftentimes I’ll prepare it inside. This recipe you can prepare inside or outside. It didn’t matter. And just sometimes it’s just as easy to do it inside as it is outside. Results are approximately the same. And yeah, and then you get out the homemade guacamole, some salsa and tortillas and go to town. 07:00 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, you can also do this in your oven as well too. We do it… We’ll call it a sheet pan fajita mix where we’ll just throw everything onto a sheet pan, same recipe and everything. But we’ll just put it in the oven if it’s too cold outside, but I say there’s not… The weather is always grilling weather. [chuckle] So it doesn’t matter if it’s snowing outside or if it’s raining or whatever. It’s always grilling weather in my opinion. 07:28 Rob Ainbinder: You’re right. It’s always a good day to cook outdoors. Now in the dead of winter, you might need to throw on like a welder’s blanket on what you’re cooking to help maintain the temps. But other than that, I’d say it’s good. But you get down to like 30 below, 15 below. It’s pretty cold out. 07:53 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, yeah. I’d agree with you there. [laughter] Luckily I haven’t ran into temperatures that bad. But… 08:00 Rob Ainbinder: Right. 08:00 Brandon Billinger: But anyway, yeah, so what have you been struggling with as a parent, Rob? 08:09 Rob Ainbinder: How do you get across to your teenager, your standards for keeping the house clean? [laughter] And how do you effectively enforce it where it just becomes obvious… It’s obvious to me that her level of clean isn’t my level of clean, that we have different standards. And I think what I’m gonna have to do is devolve it to the days that I had a roommate that you can do whatever the hell you want in your bedroom, but the common areas have to be kept clean. And I think that’s my next step in the evolution of establishing firm boundaries around household cleanliness. [laughter] 08:51 Brandon Billinger: It’s funny you mention this because just yesterday I was asking my oldest, my eight year old to… He has to do a chore every time he comes… Or when we come home from… When I pick him up from school or his summer camp or whatever, before he could have any screen time. And so his chore yesterday was to clean the bathroom. Well, I’m downstairs making dinner, not supervising him like I probably should have been. And [chuckle] he comes down like maybe two or three minutes after going up there and says, “I’m done.” And I smell it and I can smell the chemicals on his hands. And I’m like, “Did you seriously just clean the bathroom in like two minutes?” He goes, “Yeah.” I said, “Alright, I’m gonna go up and take a look at this.” Well, I walk up there and there’s still [chuckle] stuff on the counter, there’s trash. And I’m like, “Okay dude, we gotta talk about this. [laughter] Go get the stuff. I will tell you how to do this. I’m not gonna show you, but I’m gonna tell you how to do this. 09:55 Rob Ainbinder: This episode brought to you by Lysol. 09:57 Brandon Billinger: There you go, yeah, yeah. [laughter] But yeah, that’s a… 10:04 Rob Ainbinder: Oh, you go… Total tangent, tan

http://dadhuddle.com/episode-player/171/episode-2-about-brandon-rob-new-grill-tip-whats-working-as-parents.mp3 About Episode 2 In this sophomore episode, we talk about our regular topics of parenting relationships, grilling/barbecuing and beer. Including how Brandon survived the recent tornados and Rob gives a tip for finding your hot spots on Brandon’s new grill. Rob and Brandon also talk about where they grew up, favorite sports teams and how they got started as influencers/bloggers. Enjoy the show! Have some feedback? Contact us. Show Notes [0:00] Our intro: David Stanley, My Voice Over Masters. [3:06] Kansas City’s own Boulevard Easy Sport. [13:11] Grocery List App that Rob mentioned (Our Grocery List): Android | Apple [19:52] Where Rob & Brandon met the Dad 2.0 Summit [20:23] A blog post about Rob’s Daughter not dating (2016). [29:10] Rob mentioned a meditation app. It’s called Calm [33:52] Brandon’s Blog: The Rookie Dad [33:52] Rob’s Blog: Rob Ainbinder – Digital Dad Episode Transcript 00:00 Brandon Billinger: Maybe what I’m trying to do is prove a point to him, I’m just not doing it in the best way that a dad should. [music] 00:07 David Stanley: The Dad Huddle podcast. One dad of two kids; the other, the dad of a teenager, talk about life, being a father and what it takes to live in this big world. And now, your hosts, Brandon Billinger and Rob Ainbinder. 00:24 Rob Ainbinder: Welcome to the Dad Huddle podcast, episode two. I’m your co-host, Rob Ainbinder, Digital Dad. And in the other chair is my co-host, Brandon Billinger, the Rookie Dad. 00:36 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, and first off, we’d like to give a special thanks to David Stanley for voicing our open. If you’d like to check out more of his amazing talent, head over to his site, My Voice-Over Masters. We’ll have a link to his site in our show notes, so be sure to check it out. How are you doing, Rob? 00:53 Rob Ainbinder: Man, I’m doing pretty well. How about you? 00:55 Brandon Billinger: You know, I’m hanging in there. It’s been a busy couple of weeks, but we’re getting there. [laughter] 01:04 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, it seems like time flies, doesn’t it? 01:07 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, you’re right, especially when you have kids. Oh man, it seems like you just… We were looking at our schedule over the next week and we’ve got baseball games on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. It’s back-to-back. And then, you got… You’re planning road trips, you’ve got… You’re planning all these stuff over the summer, it’s nuts. [chuckle] 01:29 Rob Ainbinder: I bet, yeah. Summer is a crazy time with families taking trips and baseball games and outdoor stuff. And it’s really, really active time for family. So, we appreciate the four listeners that have us on their podcast playlist. [chuckle] 01:50 Brandon Billinger: Yeah. 01:51 Rob Ainbinder: And have made us part of their day. 01:53 Brandon Billinger: You mean we’re up to four? Does that count the two of us? 01:56 Rob Ainbinder: [chuckle] Yeah, that’s also included. [chuckle] 02:02 Brandon Billinger: The two of us and our wives, there we go. 02:05 Rob Ainbinder: Oh, now we’re covered. 02:07 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, there we go. There’s the four of our listeners. [chuckle] 02:10 Rob Ainbinder: Okay. Well, if nothing else, they can say we had fun. 02:18 Brandon Billinger: That’s right, and exactly right. [chuckle] 02:23 Brandon Billinger: So, on that note, maybe not on the part of our wives. 02:27 Rob Ainbinder: No. 02:27 Brandon Billinger: Rob, what are you drinking tonight? 02:31 Rob Ainbinder: Tonight I’m drinking straight water. But I went through my pantry to see what leavings I had, and I have the following: I have a Leinenkugel Grapefruit Shandy in the pantry, I have a Black Mocha Stout, and I have one red ale from a local brewery. So I have those three to kinda… I gotta move those into the refrigerator and get those ready to drink because it’s time to bring on that summer stuff. What are you drinking tonight? 03:06 Brandon Billinger: Oh, tonight I’m drinking Kansas City’s own Boulevard. They have a new… They call it an Easy Sport, they call it a recreation ale. It’s got a little bit of a tangerine peel and sea salt in it. It’s actually really, really good. 03:24 Rob Ainbinder: Interesting. So, it’s an ale with tangerine peel and sea salt. 03:29 Brandon Billinger: Yeah. 03:30 Rob Ainbinder: Nice combination. So, really… 03:31 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, and it’s not heavy on the alcohol either, yeah. 03:34 Rob Ainbinder: It’s not? Okay. That kinda remind… 03:37 Brandon Billinger: With 4.1%, so… 03:38 Rob Ainbinder: Oh, nice. That reminds me of… Yeah, that Shandy that’s sitting in my pantry and the Radler that I drank years ago in Germany that got me into the idea that there was a beer for all seasons. 03:56 Brandon Billinger: Nice, nice. So, as we spoke about in our intro episode, it’s written into the Constitution that when you have a beer… Or no, when you strike up the grill, you’re supposed to have a beer in hand. So, what did you grill this week? 04:17 Rob Ainbinder: I grilled chicken breast and thighs. 04:20 Brandon Billinger: That’s always good to have out there on the grill. 04:23 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, it is. 04:24 Brandon Billinger: Do you smash… I use my mallet to smash them out and thin them out a little bit to help them cook a little bit more evenly. Do you do that? 04:33 Rob Ainbinder: I don’t. 04:34 Brandon Billinger: At least on my chicken breasts, I do anyway. 04:36 Rob Ainbinder: What I did with these is that I season them with Lawry’s Seasoned Salt, it’s really easy, and then grill them to the preferred finish on the good side, we’ll say, on the presentation side. And then, when I was happy with that, I flipped them back over to let them finish cooking out. 05:00 Brandon Billinger: Nice. 05:01 Rob Ainbinder: And then… Because the challenge is that the thighs are really… They’re dark meat and they’re a little bit heavier on the fat that’s inside them, so you kinda… Thought I’d give them some time to cook off. Yeah. And then, of course, I’m checking them with my thermometer to check for doneness. 05:25 Brandon Billinger: Nice. Now, I put on some… I recently put on some bratwurst on the grill. And I found that they’re a little bit harder to cook because they’re not something that you wanna burn and that they cook quickly and you don’t wanna burn ’em. So what I’ve done is I boil them and I’ve noticed… Okay, I just recently have bought or got a new grill. And so, I’m learning all the aspects, the ins and outs of it. And so I did what I usually do by boiling my bratwurst, and then I put ’em onto the grill. Well, what I realized was, this is one of those infrared grills that there’s no flare-ups and so, they didn’t get a good char and they weren’t cooking the same way as they would normally. And so, what I’ve decided is that now I can… Since they cook a little bit more evenly and keep the juices all inside, I don’t necessarily need to boil them anymore. So I don’t know why I did it, but it’s just something I’ve become accustomed to, so… But something I learned and won’t be boiling ’em next time, I know that. 06:35 Rob Ainbinder: Neat, so you got a new grill. 06:39 Brandon Billinger: Yeah. 06:40 Rob Ainbinder: Do you know your hot spots? 06:42 Brandon Billinger: I do not yet. Yeah, it’s not something I’ve actually checked for. 06:47 Rob Ainbinder: Okay. Well, a tip for the new grill owner or the guy or gal that just bought a new grill and they wanna know what their hot spots are, get some of that Wonder Bread, that cheap white bread out of the pantry or wherever you keep it, put your fire grill up on medium, and then cover the grill with about eight pieces total, or whatever fills up your grate. And then, just periodically check the pieces of bread and see what gets toasted first. That’s your hot spots. 07:29 Brandon Billinger: Oh, that’s a really good idea. I’d never really thought about doing that before. 07:33 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, it’s just something I’ve learned along the way. And then you’ll understand more about the zones you can set up and where you can cook things faster versus where you can cook things slower. 07:49 Brandon Billinger: Right. Nice. Alright, so speaking of learning new things, let’s talk a little bit about our parenting struggles that we’ve had recently and we’ll get into our accomplishments as well. What are you struggling with, Rob, right now as a parent? 08:12 Rob Ainbinder: Well, it’s just learning to work together with my teenager and sharing the household responsibilities and working to help them understand that we’re in this together, and that we have some things that fall out of normal everyday that we might need to tackle. And if we can work on it together, it could happen a lot faster and get done a lot easier. What about you? How are things over building your household? 08:48 Brandon Billinger: [chuckle] Well, one of the things, I’ve been trying to figure out why I do what I’m… But I feel like I’m currently struggling with, and I didn’t know I was actually struggling with this until the other day, until my wife said something to me. But I have a really bad habit of picking fights with my son, or sons, let me put it that way, with my two kids. My wife just walked down right now and she’s shaking her head. [chuckle] 09:20 Brandon Billinger

Welcome to the first episode of the Dad Huddle podcast. In this episode, your co-hosts Brandon Billinger and Rob Ainbinder talk about why we started this podcast and what you can expect from each episode. We would like to thank David Stanley for voicing our open! If you would like to check out his amazing talents, head over to his site My Voice Over Masters. Rob makes a reference to “podcasting going mainstream”. This was from the latest Infinite Dial study by Edison Research on podcasting. Episode 1 Transcript Rob: So we each have our own platforms in long form, written format, but it seemed like now’s a good time to jump in with a podcast that was a perspective from two dads at two stages. We could interest a lot of people. We could provide a lot of value both ways and just see where this goes. Introduction: The Dad Huddle podcast one Dad of toddler, the other dad of a teenager talk about life being a father and what it takes to live in this hectic world. And now your host, Brandon Billinger and Rob Ainbinder. Brandon: Hello and welcome to The Dad Huddle Podcast. I am your co-host Brandon Billinger, also known as the Rookie Dad, and I’m here joined by Rob Ainbinder, the Digital Dad. Hello and welcome Rob. Rob: Hey, welcome. Yeah, it’s great to be with you on this first episode. Brandon: Yeah, that’s right. We’ve been talking about doing this for a while, haven’t we? Rob: Yeah, yeah. We’ve been talking, but we’ve also been doing some work, and it’s great to get to this first point, this first episode. Been looking forward to it and I’m excited to get started. Brandon: I think you and I both have been kind of looking forward to it, but it’s been kind of one of those things where as a content creator and online content creation, whatever have you, sometimes those things take priority over starting up something new, and hopefully, this’ll be one of those things that will start to take priority in both of our lives. Rob: Yeah, definitely. I definitely look forward to that happening. I struggle too with being an influencer and a content creator and business owner, and these ideas strike me when I’m taking a shower or whatever and floated out there and you never know until you start, and just to get it done, begun is half done. But to have a plan in place and to have kind of a structure of why we did this, who we are, it’s going to be interesting, for sure. Brandon: Yeah. You talk about why we did this. Let’s talk a little bit about that. Why did we decide to start this podcast? I mean, we both have our blogs. You have Digital Dad. I have the Rookie Dad. So let’s talk a little bit about that. Why did we start this? Rob: Yeah, so we each have our own platforms in long form written format, but it seemed like now is a good time to jump in with a podcast that was a perspective from two dads at two stages in life with children. I just thought a one two punch. Brandon with being a dad of toddlers, and I’m the dad of a teenager, I thought, “Well, we could interest a lot of people. We could provide a lot of value, both ways, and just see where this goes.” Rob: I mean, podcasts are now truly mainstream. People listen to up to seven discreet podcasts a day, and now that the distribution is so wide, it just seemed like a great time to wade in and get going with one. Brandon: Yeah. And let’s see where this takes us. It should be a fun ride for both of us and for all of our listeners too. Rob: Yeah, for sure. Brandon: All right, so let’s kind of talk about what are the things that we’re going to talk about in of all of our episodes. You and I both have an interest in several things together. We enjoy beer and whiskey, barbecue and grilling and then there’s some other few things that we want to talk about. So let’s talk a little bit about that. Rob: Yeah, it’s kind of stereotypical that a dad drinks beer, but beer has really evolved into something really complex and really varied, and the scene is also true of whiskey. I don’t think a modern guy is modern guy without some moderation, responsibly integrated, either of these or both of these, into their life. That’s really just a part of being who we are. I certainly drank a lot more beer than I have whiskey of late. What about you? Brandon: It’s been just over the last like three maybe … I’d say, actually … And I don’t want to say this in a … I don’t want this to sound in a negative tone, but when my wife was pregnant with our second child, that’s when I really started to drink a lot more whiskey and bourbon. I don’t want that to sound like, “Oh, he had a second child, so he had to go to the stronger stuff.” . No, it was something that had interested me for a while, and I thought, “Well, now that I’m not having to buy also my wife’s favorite beer every time I go to the liquor store, I can pick up a bottle and start trying some out. Rob: Right. So- Brandon: And that’s kind of what I did. Lately, it’s about an even mix between maybe one night I’ll have a bourbon or a whiskey and then the next night I’ll have a beer. That’s kind of where I’m at, right now. It’s so funny that you talked about how much beer and whiskey has evolved. Just the other night when I … I make a liquor store run every Friday night after work just to grab a six pack or something. But when I’m there, I just stand in front of the beer fridge, and I do not know what to get, nine times out of 10. I’m just looking at it like there’s all these choices that you have when you go there, and it’s the same way with bourbon and whiskey too. Rob: Now, I have the exact opposite issue when I go to the grocery store and look at what the beers are because there’s like a seasonal schedule for me that I have pretty much now. So when the weather begins to warm up, I begin to look at kind of the less heavy beer. I’m like Hefeweizen or cider or something a little bit lighter bodied than what I would typically drink when it’s colder out, and it’s harder for me in the warm months to get a beer that I like from my grocery store than it is in the cooler months, for some reason. The coolers are dominated by IPA’s, and I don’t drink a one of them. Brandon: I’ve noticed that too. They’re all over the place, and there’s a few of them that I do like, but they’re not one of my top choices. Rob: I gotcha. Brandon: When you’re out at the grill, it’s like written into the constitution that whenever you fire up that grill or smoker or whatever, you’ve got to have a beer in your hand or somewhere close. Rob: Yeah, for sure. It’s ingrained. I think one of my earliest memories, the first time I ever had even a sip of beer, my uncle was grilling out. My Dad was drinking a Natural Light, and I don’t know if it was my uncle and my dad asked me if I wanted to try a sip or whatever, but I remember taking a sip and almost spitting it out at how vile it tasted. I just remember that, and how ingrained beer is with grilling or just cooking out doors, grilling or on the smoker, whatever it is. It truly is like down to the DNA and like you said written into the constitution that if you’re outside you better have a drink. Brandon: Yep. That’s right. Yep. In fact, I was grilling last night and had a beer out there sitting next to my grill while I was grilling. Yeah. We’ll talk a little bit about what some of the things that we’re grilling, smoking, and out with our families and some of the tips that we have along the way, right, because you’re a big smoker. Rob: Yeah. I’d say I’m an outdoor cooking enthusiast. There’s this equal time on both my grill and my barbecue smoker. I try and give my grill equal time, but more often than not, I’m cooking on my barbecue pit, my smoker, than on the grill. But, as we’ll get into, I think for really quick meals, I think for things that you want it cooked quickly that grill is irreplaceable, has an irreplaceable role. There’s no question. Brandon: Mm-hmm (affirmative). That’s right. Brandon: Yeah. We’ll talk about beer and whiskey. We’ll talk about barbecuing and grilling. Some of the other things that we want to talk about is, just some of the everyday dad stuff that we run into as we are being a parent in our kids’ and our families’ lives. We want to talk a little bit about the struggles and accomplishments that we have because we all have our own struggles that we deal with as parents. Rob: Absolutely. And I think what’s even more interesting is what are the ways we overcome these struggles. What are the solutions that we’ve found that have worked for our kids and us and our wives, and what have we tried that didn’t work? I guess that gets into some of our accomplishments. Rob: In all aspects of our lives, what are the things that we’re accomplishing both at work and with our family, with our kids, with our hobbies. All of that I think it will be an interesting topic to talk through and then- it relates across the board, whether you’re a mother, whether you’re a dad, it relates to anybody that’s a parent. Rob: Yeah, totally. I think if we happen to catch a mom’s ear and she wants to hear the dad’s perspective, I think I’ve heard that’s been pretty invaluable to some wives. Then if dads are kind of stressed out or strung out about something, I hope that they’ll consider us as part of their network of advisors, even if episode four wasn’t what they wanted, but maybe episode five winds up being just the thing. We’ll just keep putting ou