Created with Sketch.
SzeWing Vetault Podcast
38 minutes | Jun 23, 2021
104. How to tap into your Divine Feminine Wisdom: Free Course Part I
This a special edition of my podcast and video. In fact, this is a two parts series of a FREE online course on Honoring Your Divine Feminine Wisdom. I will share with you how to tap into this divine power and experience more harmony, improve your productivity and prosperity. You can listen to my podcast or watch the video here. Today I am sharing with you Part I of this series where I will start with the archetypes – why knowing our inner patterns or blueprint can be so helpful to overcome our negative tendencies or build on our strengths. They also give us insights into our behaviour and open to more acceptance. The other part of this is to allow us to let the Divine take the lead. We do our part; we play on our strengths but we stay in the flow rather than go against the current. In Part II of this series, which will be released next week, I will further the concepts and talk about how can we live more strategically, develop good habits for our archetype and embrace our feminine wisdom as a daily practice. If you find this episode useful, I would love for you to come to our upcoming in-person event Goddess Self-Care Day in Sydney on 24th July. When women gather, magic happens! We will start the day with moving meditation, then followed by my session on Goddess Self-Care. After lunch, we will learn about intuition and inner wisdom with Denise Javie, the best-selling author of The Secret Language of Light Oracle. We then end the day with an aromatherapy workshop with Carole Gridley, an aromatherapist and perfumer, to learn about the therapeutic and energetic aspects of essential oils and to create your own Goddess Blend to take home! You will also receive a beautiful Oh-My-Goddess gift box to celebrate the day. We are only taking a small group, so get your tickets as soon as you can! You can find more information and purchase your tickets here. Video https://youtu.be/drDmHbFHOmU Transcript 00:00 Good morning, welcome to a special edition of my podcast. And if you’re watching it as a video, then it’s a two-part video. This is a special series I’m doing. It’s about honoring the divine feminine. How are we going to embrace more of our, our inner wisdom and power as a woman, mother, or daughter. And so this become a bigger conversation than I initially expected. So I’m recording it’s two part. So today’s part one and you go into your able to listen it to from my podcast, or if you’re watching as a video on YouTube and Facebook. But I’m really excited to expand this conversation that I have been having for last few years as I evolve and grow as a mother, a woman, a daughter, and a friend. So yeah, I’m really hoping that you will enjoy this conversation or actually a talk. 01:02 But it’s really something that I’ve been putting together since written my last book, Goddess with Many Faces. So yeah, here we go. So as a coach and author and I say creative entrepreneur, because I do create different things. I really feel in the last few years, it was a big evolution for me. So one of the things was obviously after my book goddess with many faces came out. I you know, I have a second baby was working or thinking about the next book, but it kind of got all sidetracked because I was working on my goddess planner series. Now that’s all done. And what I have learned through that, it’s, it’s really getting a deeper understanding of myself. And also what I’ve been talking about in terms of archetypes and, you know, are in the pattern of feminine energy. 01:59 So when I was, you know, first attracted to the material, I was really fascinated by the nature of the archetypes. I mean, I see it as the, in the pattern, the blueprint, the thing that we’re sort of born with because, you know, okay, we have to go back to that. The, the way I subscribe to the view is that I tend to believe we came through spirit, having a human experience. We have a certain soul lessons or design by infinite power. I mean, you may not be comfortable with the word God, or or you can say as divine love or intelligence, whatever that is a big power bigger than ourselves. So I do believe that through this infinite wisdom, this power we came through, it’s a miracle in itself. And we come through with a plan, could be like some people call it destiny. 02:59 Some people, you know, will have different words to describe it. But I do think as certain lessons, the women to learn whether it’s about forgiveness, self reliance, or standing up for yourself, whatever that is, you have certain big lessons in life. And so we also come with the blueprint of, you know, what our tendencies does. So that’s when the archetype comes in. So I talk about six goddess archetypes in my last book because these are the six types that I find it most common in women that I work with. And I think they’re very interesting. And obviously these are goddess archetypes that I use and talked about and they came through the myths. I use the Greek myths that you will find that enrollment and even different nature to have different goddesses, but they represent a certain archetype. So for instance, Athena, it’s always the strategist, the one with our strong mind, very clever, very strategic that type of goddess, you can find her in different culture and you will, I mean, basically you will find an Athena in your work, in your community or among your friends. 04:09 It’s like, you know, you have Demeter, which is the mother archetype, which will be someone that who love to look after everybody may like to cook a nice meal or just caring for everyone before herself. Like a very motherly, nurturing figure. Even if someone doesn’t have biological children, that could be someone who, you know, the headmaster who just love all the kids or, you know, like figure in, in, in your, in your community that just love to look after everybody else. So that’s diameter. And I found these, a blueprint that we come with. So that’s it, the tendencies, the inner patterns, we tend to behave a certain way just because and why I find it fascinating is that once you understand your own architects then not only you give yourself more acceptance and permission, you know, the way you are, the way you feel, I’m not saying you don’t take responsibility. 05:08 If you do something that isn’t right, but you understand where that comes from. That is an opening, because then you can change. You can grow, we can evolve, or simply let’s say for diameter, maybe she gets burned out because you look after everybody else before herself. It’s not like a fault, right. But it’s a tendency. Then when you catch yourself, you know, to diverge of, you know, too exhausted and just becoming a people pleaser so, so forth, then you can, you know, take a step back because now, you know, that’s your tendency. So for me, it really helps with self understanding and acceptance. So that’s what I love that body of work archetypes, since I have written that book, obviously growing, 05:52 I’m learning, and I really 05:54 Want to expand the conversation. So, you know, okay, now we know, let’s say we understand the archetype. Let’s say we understand inner patterns. And maybe we also have a good idea about our so planned life lessons, so to speak like our, you know, the things that we need to learn and deal with in our lifetimes, because sometimes if they’re obvious to people, because you keep on bombing into the same scenario until you learn it. So for many people will be about forgiveness. So, or letting go. So these are very common or big ones. Now what I’ve got attracted to next is that, so, okay. Now I got a good understanding about my own lucky type or people around me. What’s next? Because after that, what we want to do is to think about how are we going to live in a more harmonious way with ourselves and others. 06:54 So how are we going to blend this knowledge and understanding into the way of living align more flow into our life? Let the divine take the lead it’s what I often say now. Not that we don’t take action, let it, for example, for a Athean, that will be like crazy because she’s the do-er she’s very head strong and determined, and there is a part that we need to act we need to do, but especially for an Athena, we need to step back and say, is it really our ego thinking about that’s what we need to do, want to do versus is that something for the greater good? Is that something that it’s more part of my divine plan or lesson? Is it something that it’s really going to benefit everyone around me or is it just me and come from the little me rather than the bigger I? Does that make sense to you? 07:50 So it’s more also looking at now, how I’m going to live in a way that will be more harmonious with myself and other people and basically living a life with more purpose and perhaps in a sense that you know, more with the flow, rather than trying to make things happen in certain way, or just carry on because now I know that’s my type and, and that’s it, you know, I think there is a piece where now we have better understanding about ourselves then how are we going to live more strategically, you know, to think about how we’re going to look at our tendencies. As in, you know, I don’t like to say strength and weakness. I’d say sometimes a weakness could be opportunities. A weakness could be a shadow aspect that surface to learn the lesson. And sometimes it just get us into trouble as well. 08:47 But how are we going to look at them in a way that, so now we know how are we going to be more strategic with our life creating better habits, or doing certain things that we know we’re going to catch ourselves when this happensor can enhance certain abilities or behavior. We have that to produce more good. So for example, once again, I’d like to use example of Athena because it’s so straightforward and easy for people to understand. So you’ve as someone who is very strategic, who is considered big picture, how with people in an intellectual level, you you know, you can plan, you can you know, you can organize things super well and very capable person. So obviously that’s your strength. So how are we going to be more strategically, use it for your career or in your living situation? And, and then at the same time, for example, Athena it’s someone who doesn’t connect with the body so much, because you’re so much in your head because I, myself is very much an Athena. 09:52 So luckily early on already come into the piece where I realized physical movement is so important for me because otherwise I’d just stay in my whole day. So I learned that. And so I strategically placed it in my life where I know for example, my morning routine is a 10 minute yoga to start my day. It really helps me stop worrying or thinking about things over and over again, when I’m in that sort of spiral or sometime it just grabbed me. So I know exercise and connecting to my body is super important because of that. So I put that into my life because I know that’s one of the ways that I can become more creative and more productive is full body movement. And that’s what I really need so that you see, that’s the sense that now you understand your archetype or you’re independent your tendency. 10:43 So next step is how are we going to incorporate the things that we know, help us to, to be a better version of ourselves or simply live easier life when you’re in the flow life supposed to be easier rather than always challenging, always have. I’m not saying that there wouldn’t be challenges. We all have that in our life, but how are we going to react or respond? It’s going to be making it well of difference. And also I think in terms of vitality, I know that for some people, for me, I really need like quite vigorous exercise. Sometimes you really get me going for some people, they need gentle exercise and some people need a lot of sleep,ubecause they, they don’t sleep so well. So they really need to think about how they go into,uwork on that and create better habits or circumstances around that piece. 11:33 So you have different needs. Everyone is different, but it’s thinking about that. So how are we going to become more healthy or looking after our wellbeing in a more holistic way? And I say, the archetypes can help is because then because we know ourselves and then that will help us to prepare for the next and the second thing, I love to expand the conversation ahead. It’s about the cycle of life. So in my book, I touch on a little bit about the four season of a woman. So obviously when you were a young girl is like a maiden, I call it the spring. And then when you became a woman, it’s like the summer, everything is ripe. You know, you are, you know, a prime time, so to speak and then, and then would come to autumn or fall, which is the golden years. 12:26 When we’re a little bit older, we may be a mother, or we may be a mentor. We as someone who have a lot of experience in life and but yet we still have a lot of energy to do and to to contribute. So I put it the golden years because you, I’m more aware of who you are and what you can do, and you can use it wisely. So then when we go to winter is really the wisdom years where we take a step back. It’s like a winter. You don’t simply you moving as much, but there’s still lot happening for women. And I called that to the full season of a woman. And so there is that where it’s divided by age or life stages. And then that time set is just throughout the year or the circumstance. So for example, I felt that when I was pregnant, it felt a little bit like the winter is because it’s about preserving energy, about, you know keeping still it’s about really reflecting of what I have learned or how I’m going to nurture myself and the baby. 13:33 So I felt in different life stages, you may experience the season slightly differently. So even though you may be young pregnant women, you may feel more like it’s the winter months in your life right now. And then there are times that where maybe when your kids just, you know, become a little bit older than high school, they’re more independent. You suddenly regain a lot of freedom or time, and you really want to do something to improve yourself or improve your life in whatever ways. And then suddenly it felt like in the summer, like you want to do a lot of things. You feel full of energy, you’re in a prime time. So that’s not like the forces and it’s not strictly related to the biological age, but also in different circumstances. And I think what our society lead us to is that we’re so defined by some of these stigma where, how old you are like, like by this, are you supposed to beat this or do this? 14:28 And that’s a limitation itself and more and more it’s coming down, but ourselves, sometimes we give ourselves this false belief that, you know, we are, you know, I don’t know. You may be in your fifties, you supposed to think about retirement. Why would you want to start a business? Like, you know, but actually now the world is changing. There may be opportunities. And if you feel you have this energy and things give, you may really want to start something new later, Hey, how’s founder Louise Hay started the publishing company. I think when she was 60 years old. I think she started teaching or learning this metaphysical material in her thirties or early forties written her book way later in life. I’m pretty sure it’s about around fifties or sixties, that she got hay house. So look, it’s, it really is. You don’t have to be defined by what the world tells us to. 15:22 So I think honoring our season and, or are you right now in your twenties, but you really feel like it’s this time for you to pull it all back and really think through what you want to do next. You really want to preserve a conservative energy. Maybe you were having a difficult time just before mentally or physically. This is the time where you want to just like when to preserving. It doesn’t matter. You need to honor that season in your life. And specially as a women, that we need to look at it in a way how it’s going to help us to, you know, embrace our feminine wisdom and a feminine power. And I often, I really believe women have something amazing, amazing to offer. And sometime we don’t know, we just do it as, you know, what we are programmed to do as a mother or as a daughter or as a friend. 16:17 But there’s a lot of inner wisdom that is stirring up already. Now, mine, and often we are not embracing it as fully um you know, vibrantly as we can. So I think that’s a lot of things that we can explore. And I love to work with people on that. And that’s why I’m write books and do this podcast and do these videos, because I really think there’s a lot of interesting things that we haven’t discover or talk enough, like to explore more. And so this is the part one video, but I think I’m covering a lot of ground about where this conversation is going. And obviously I talked about the six archetypes. I briefly talked about Athena and I’m not going to talk about the, the myth right here, but you can find often my book and also I have a quiz online, and it’s absolutely free. 17:13 You get the answer. And in that quiz , it’s a multiple choice. It’s very simple quiz. And then, you know, you answer questions and then you will get to know which archetype is most active in you. And in that there is description that include a myth. So if you realize Athena is most active in you, you will also hear about the myth. And what I like to include a myth of the story is because, you know, myth is a very interesting thing. Whether you don’t have to look at it, is this like a real historical event? No, no, no, no. The way I look at myth, it’s sort of like wisdom, like stories that teach you something, or give you an impression where you will remember it and you will, you know, you know, subconscious, the, when the circumstances is asking for it, you will, that would just pop up and you say, oh, that’s what that means. 18:05 And it’s a reminder is a precaution in retail. And it’s just a story that it just so useful in many ways, a lot of people love writing with stories in the books. And I think part of the reason is not that it’s more engaging. It’s also just help you to remember, I love nerves in this because of that reason. Plus if you look at some of this myths or this story, you can actually find it in many cultures. So you will have like a resurrection story in Egyptian tale or in Greek mythology or in Chinese Swan or in Japanese one. The thing is these, there are some themes that are timeless and they, they, they kind of, you know, you see them in different culture is because this come from our psyche, it’s coming from that collective wisdom or knowledge or things that, you know, a human suffering or human joy or human emotions that sort of propel us to create this tale. 19:07 Like, you know, if that’s the way you want to look at it, but whether it’s, it’s like divinely given story, because it’s all about gods and goddesses, right. Or just someone make them up. It doesn’t matter. The fact that it it’s show us what is in our collective subconscious. So, as I said, the theme could tend to be, you know, resurrection or, you know, through competition, someone was suffering and, or you know, the, the trick of the ego, like a lot of different myths talk about these things. And that’s what I love about medicine. I used them myths to explain the architect, because then you like, oh, I get it. So for example, Athena, obviously she’s a very headstrong archetype. You, you spot her a mile away. She Excel in, you know, in her study in organization, she can be academic or scientist, a lawyer, whatever that is, she’s just good at what she does. 20:05 And she’s smart. She’s patient. That’s actually a very important thing about a thinner because she can see the bigger picture. So when I say patient, I don’t mean that she doesn’t mind for something to take very long time to materialize. No, she wants to have things happen quickly, but she’s patient in the sense that she can see the bigger picture. So until older players in place, she’s not going to say call for an attack in a war because a lot of her nets is about war stories. So she’s the strategists to, to advise people when and how to attack and when to ho. So she had that patience in that sense, you will wait until all the things are ready. So, because she’s not so you see a theme almost in every culture and every groups that, you know, it’s a very common archetype and you also don’t have to be like a hundred percent a thinner. 21:03 This is the thing about archetypes. I think that you often, we see her influence in you, especially in certain aspects, say at work, but maybe she stepped back and hopefully so at home, because, you know, we are not just one architect. We actually some mixture off a few often, but that’s one most active that’s, that’s what I found the most correct way of looking at ourselves. So, as I said before, I’m partly Athena part Persephone. And I see myself when I’m acting like an Athena. And at times that I really see myself acting like an architect. And I would say since as I’m growing older and working with people a lot more, and as a coach, the Aphrodite influence start to kick in more, which, you know, a lot of people think about Aphrodite as someone like Venus , in love affairs and all about beauty. 21:58 Yes. That’s that piece where she is someone who, who really enjoyed beauty. She loved the sensual pleasure and beautiful things around her music, whatever that is that bring that pleasure. However, she’s also a transformer where she sees the best in you. She used to love to transform. So she has set up ability to, to see and, and brings that out from another individual. So she may work as a therapist. She may be an artist third transformative, and often actually they are actress. So directors as well, because they see that in you and they hone in and they hold you in the energy and they, the magnetic, and then, you know, something else was that to happen. It’s like a chemical reaction where she draws that are familiar. Like then you create something you didn’t even know you have it. So that’s like a very transformative element and there’s a fantastic archetype. 22:59 She has that,umagnetic ability. Uit’s fascinating. It’s very complex archetype and most women has it. And sometimes it was the present. Sometimes we didn’t want to, you know,uwe don’t want to sit in doubt in things or we don’t, you know, maybe a social pressure and conditioning to tell you, you shouldn’t be this way or that way we may suppress that appetite. Ubut this is actually very important part of being a woman to understand, pleasure, to understand, you know, the ability to transform through love,uor see that, see that something special in other person and hold that, fold them, allow them to bring that out.nd that’s a very extraordinary ability of Aphrodite and women who are coming of age often start to develop this, you know,uif you, as someone who suddenly feel more drawn to Venus or Aphrodite, or I don’t know, it just suddenly feel like you want to be more like a sensual woman. 24:09 Actually, this is something happening within you that you are moving to a different stage. So that’s Aphrodite briefly. Again, its a fascinating, so, I mean, not just to sell the book, but read the book. And that gives you a really good understanding about what, what this appetite means. And then of course we have Artemis who is the hunter who is much about someone who can really focus, who wants to dedicate a time for a cause, they believe in it’s about justice. It’s about doing the thing that the right thing. Very much like the big sister that will lead the movement, the women with movement, someone who really honor women, nature, animals and children, because Artemis basically just love to run in the forest with her animals. And she’s very connected to the moon energy. So she’s a moon goddess. 25:03 So Artemis is someone who can laser focus and can be very competitive. Nevertheless, Artemis is someone who really has honor the inner voice. So if they are very drawn to protecting the environment or creating a women’s shelter, you know, that’s, they really will have to honor that they, they would not do anything else because that really draws them and they have to focus on it. So they can be quite a single focus type of person. Again, you’ve, you have a theme that and Artemis together as a perfect ally, because sometimes Artemis maybe like coming up quite strong because they really believe in something. But Anthena energy, we say, take a step back. Let’s think about it more strategically. How are you going to bring this message to the world? You know, sometimes you need different tools. You cannot just have hammer in the toolbox. 25:57 You may have to have different things. So a theme that really helps optimist to take a step back and think more strategically. So if you are optimists and you, you think you are just not having enough Athena in you then maybe can Athena as a business partner, that’s like a perfect match. And and then next I would talk about perception and diameter, which they often together because when his daughter, when his mother, so Demeter mentioned briefly before, it’s really about the mother nurturer archetype while Persephone is the one who is the daughter that made and the eternal maiden. So often it’s an archetype where people find her quite youthful young or in some ways someone who doesn’t confront someone could be quite quiet, introverted. Not that she’s not thinking, but she may not be as loud as me, but actually I also have a lot of Persephone. 26:53 Persephone is someone who’s very drawn to the inner world if you read the myths, you will know why she was actually the queen of the underworld. I’m very drawn to the inner world in a very intuitive have a very strong psychic sort of connection. She is someone who has a tendency to you know, at first seems to be indecisive because she’s just figuring it out all for a compliant because she doesn’t want to make trouble. It doesn’t want to confront, aggravate anyone so may come across like that. But actually she is thinking she is, you know, learning, exploring that in her way. So it’s very interesting because when she come to age or allow herself to grow, she actually can become very powerful women. Uand maybe when they were young, you wouldn’t see like, okay, actually Princess Diana is a very good example. 27:47 Now just came to my head, , when you watch, well, it could be fictional, you know, TV series, the Crown with the way they depict Diana. She was quite an innocent quiet, shy kind of girl. But then she came into her power later in life. When she actually sees it, sees the path, see what she wants to do, because sometimes we just wondering, we don’t know, we are still exploring that’s perception in many ways. Not to be underestimated, but often at the beginning. So, so these are the six common goddess archetypes that I use in my work. And I talk about, there are lots more, I mean, you, there’s so many myths out there and there’s so many different archetypes. And, and if people say why you use goddess archetypes, because people talk about Archetypes. So there’s the warrior, there’s a queen as a child is often whatever for me, I understand those archetypes too, because I think they also represent different elements in us. 28:50 You know, the mother to child, the warrior, or often and all this stuff. It makes sense too. Cause you, you, you get it when someone say warrior, you got, oh yeah, warrior energy. But I find women, especially we are quite complex and dynamic in that sense, I often use the example is chai. You can blend a child with lots of ginger or vanilla or chocolate or cadamon or tumeric. You can make your spicy chai in so many different flavor yet. You know, this is child. And for me, that complexity describe a goddess archetype. So for example, again, a Faena, it’s not really just warrior is not just strategist. It’s a little bit more than all that. Get it. You get what that means. Right. and I liked that. I liked that complexity and sometimes it gives you room to say, oh, that makes sense. 29:49 Because even though she’s so headstrong, the part of her knows that she is aware of herself that may not be connected to her emotional body. So Athena, even though her head is strong and say, I should do this. She may step back and say, hold on a minute, maybe I need to get some more information. Athena considers all aspect of things. And I like goddess archetype for that reason. I love the goddess myths and it really talks about women through the ages, how the power evolved how things have changed. So yeah, so that’s why I like goddess archetypes. And, and I think it’s fun, but regardless you may identify yourself as, I don’t really see any of this in myself, which unlikely, but you can, you may, you may pick Kali these in Hindu goddess as something most closest to you. 30:45 And that’s fun. It’s just in a way it’s a symbol, it’s a blueprint. It’s an understanding of that archetype and, and how you live your life and how you go to work from the blueprint. The same with astrology, no one birth chart is the same because you are born at different time and place. So all the planets align in different ways. So every birth chart it’s different, but that’s still your blueprint. So you may have a chart where your astrologists would tell you, you can be very creative, you can be very charismatic, but then it depends on your, how are you going to, how are you going to live it? Are you going to embrace that and share your creativity? Or are you going to, you know, want to keep it smaller or, you know, maybe there’s many way to share your creativity. 31:34 So it’s still up to you. How are you going to play that? Right. I love one of the astrologer used to the, the way to talk about it as this is a sheet of music, but then how are you going to play it? It’s up to you. And I liked that for archetypes. So I understand that’s my tendency, that’s my strengths. And maybe that’s the shadow, what I’m going to do in this particular situation, because since I’m tend to be so headstrong, should I maybe, you know, take a break, stop thinking, get out of my head, get into my body, maybe go for a run or meditate and maybe pick an Oracle card, even, you know, completely different than what Athena would like me to do, but maybe that’s what she needs to do. So I think how you going to work with your blueprint, it’s really up to you. 32:21 That’s one part and the other partners, they also look at how the divine are putting things on your way. So we human often trying to do make things our way. We have a lot of doership to make it happen, but that time set wish to step back and say, maybe that’s not for me, maybe not for now, but are we allowing that piece, allowing that, let the Divinel take the lead, like, you know, in couple dancing, as follower and leader, and I used to have this problem that back leading the guys, and it’s not good because the dance is not done that way, and I’m not saying women always have to be follower, but in this instance, I’m comparing, let the universe, that’s the divine like God to take the lead because sometimes you don’t see the big picture. You don’t know what’s around the corner. 33:11 You do your part. You’re not being passive. You take your action when you are inspired to when you know, that’s the right next step. So that’s why I say does a Tupac today. I wanted to talk about the first part about knowing who you are and why finding out archetype could be very useful for you. And I have this free online quiz that you’re welcome to take it’s on my website, come to SzeWingVetault.com and they put a link below this video was well. You can get the quiz, the results, so you can reach your most active archetype right now in you. And then you’ll know what I’m talking about in terms of thinking. Oh, so that makes sense. So then you can start thinking about what works for you in your life with this archetype being most active and what may be actually sort of tendencies that preventing you from succeeding on not working so well for you. 34:04 So, you know, many times before,Persphone come across as indecisive Yeah. Or Demeter tend to look after everybody, but herself. Like these are tendency that we can look at and say, well, so maybe we should pay attention to this and my, the trouble I’m in. Is it because of that? You know, things like that, oh, habits that what kind of happens is going to help you or sabotage your progress. So I think that a lot you can think about, so that’s part one, part two. I want to expand to more about now, you know, your archetype. Now you have an understanding about your blueprint or maybe what your soul lessons like or purpose, whatever that is. So how are we going to live strategically with all this information? How are we going to live more harmoniously with the world around us? 34:53 So some tips and tools and some deeper conversation. So hope you enjoy today’s video. And this is a two-part series about how to honor a divine, feminine, our inner wisdom and power. And I hope you enjoyed it. 35:08 And last but not least, I want to talk to you about my upcoming event called Goddess Self Care day. So I talked about how to honor the feminine wisdom and inner power. And, you know, and I talk about archetypes and about different life stages for women. And this is a conversation we’re going to have further and deeper in this special event. So this is one of a kind event I’ve been dreaming about it for ages. And I’m so excited to bring it to you. So we’re only going to take a small group of people and I really hope you’ll be one of them. 35:43 So this is going to be happening on the 24th of July is a Saturday full day event is going to be in Sydney. And we will start the day with a beautiful yoga class by led by my favorite teacher. So you will, it will be amazing like the way I love the way she should teach us yoga, it’s really about body and my union. And she’s fantastic. And then we go into have a session on this particular topic, which is about honoring your feminine wisdom, feminine power. We going to have a deeper conversation. We’re going to have goddess circle. And then we also would have two more speakers. One is with Denis Javie, the best selling author of the Language of Light Oracle. So she’s going to help us tap into our intuition and inner wisdom honoring that. And it’s going to be really fun. 36:35 We have meditation. We will have, you know, an amazing atmosphere in this event. And we also have Carole Gridley who is a dear friend of mine, who is an aroma therapist and teacher. She’s going to talk about essential oil that is really great for women and especially to enhance magic of our femininity. And it’s going to be a wonderful, she’s going to share with us about the essential oil benefits especially for women. And we’re going to create a goddess blend. Each of us will create our own blend to take home. And it’s, it’s going to be like a full day event in a beautiful hotel in in Sydney, overlooking the park and it’s going to be all catered. And you’re going to also receive my one of a kind Oh-My-Goddess box. I love goody box and I wanted to make it extra special. 37:33 So this specially curated products from Australians businesses and they are wonderful. And I just cannot wait to share this event with you and have fun with you. And I hope you will enjoy a wonderful day when women gather magic happens and that’s what going to happen. So I’m really excited. And if you want to sign up to get your tickets, just come to my website and to see it in the middle. And if you like the conversation we had today, we’re going to have, we’re going to go deeper, or we’re going to go more into a personal level that you can think about how you’re going to use it in your life as well. So, yeah, until then I hope I will see you soon.
41 minutes | Jun 9, 2021
103. Divine Feminine Leaders: Interview with Celeste Hartwell
In this inspiring interview, you will hear from Celeste Hartwell on how can we bring in the feminine energy (intuition) into the masculine structure (action, strategy) to find balance and to fulfil your vision. No matter whether you are working in a corporate environment or you are an entrepreneur, you can relate to our conversation on why women have a tendency to play small or deflect compliments. You will learn about why it is vital for us to understand and acknowledge our worth, not when we want to ask for a pay rise, but as an act to practise receiving. 2020 and 2021 have been challenging for many people, for many different reasons. We also talked about how can we ride through this time and become more present and honest with our emotions. More importantly, how to find strength in the middle of a crisis, and peace, in a time of uncertainty. Celeste Hartwell, the creator of Divine Feminine Leaders, a spiritual leader and money mindset mentor. She is also the managing director at eWomenNetwork in Greater Burlington. After 18 years working in a corporate environment, Celeste now helps her clients to step into their power, become more magnetised, visible and inspired. You can also connect with Celeste via Facebook here. Interview Highlights Moving from a corporate job to creating Divine Feminine Leaders It all came from a dream with Tony Robbins and Oprah Re-learning and reclaiming intuitive skills Be aware of how our mindset and belief system is running the show Helping women to shed off layers of conditioning and open to learning what to do in order to succeed in their dreams The balance between feminine and masculine energy Bring the intuition (feminine) into the structure and strategy (masculine) in our life is a beautiful balance Athena Goddess Archetype – Feminine Goddess but works very well in masculine structure. The feminine and productive way to conduct business and fulfil our vision The No.1 roadblock or false ceiling with women in pursuing their dreams or vision – not allow yourself to receive The false belief that we are not worthy or if people are doing anything for us, we are losing our independence Acceptance compliments and to stop diminishing ourselves Why women have a tendency to wait to ask for a bigger paycheck or what they deserve We need to understand we are the ones who determine our worth and price tag and hence learn how to ask or negotiate for more People see our potentials while sometimes we only see our own past failures The blessings and the curse of self-awareness Sometimes we can be more forgiving or compassionate towards our loved ones than to ourselves Practising forgiveness is like training a muscle it takes time and repetition Sometimes just to sit with the pain and let the feelings come up, it may be the most we can do in a difficult situation, be self-compassionate Be aware of what you say to yourself, I AM vs. I FEEL Video https://youtu.be/Qkq7ZX6S1Iw Transcript Sze Wing: Hi, everyone. I’m really happy to bring in a new guest today for my podcast episode today, I’m talking to Celeste Hartwell. So we met through an eWomen networking event and I was blown away by her energy. And then we had a conversation after, and I think by listening to her journey and her view on feminine leadership it would be very interesting and inspirational for many. So first of all, I would like to introduce and welcome Celeste! Celeste: Hi Sze, well, thank you so much for having me on. I know that when we met, it was like, we just talk the same language in a lot of different ways. So I’m so honored to be here and thank you so much for having me. Sze Wing: Thank you. And, you know, one thing for our listeners, or the audience is that we both can talk quite fast when we’re excited about things. So let’s see how that go. I’m trying to keep it slow. So Celeste has her website, which’s called divine feminine leaders, which I think the names says a lot. And for me, it’s always interesting to ask people what inspired them to create a business. Like in your case, I know that you work with women helping them to attract clients. Customers are actually really about healing the relationship between money and life. So I think we work with a wide spectrum of different people, but a lot of times its women who obviously have a dream or having challenges to really fully express themselves. So really living the life they really want to. So I think, I know a bit of your background, I know you come from a very corporate, headstrong analytical background. And so to shift from that mindset to now working very intuitively, that was a journey in itself. So maybe I think the best way to get you to tell us, you know, a bit of your background and how it all comes together. Celeste: Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah, so I worked in corporate for 18 years, which is a very long time and I was an analyst in utilities, which is basically electricity and gas. So it’s interesting because what I’ve learned from that is that I’m actually really good at simplifying things. And I really love to help people you know, step out of chaos and overwhelm and anxiety because I’m just a master at like learning and growing and all of that. And so the divine feminine is a really so interesting. It actually came to me. I worked in corporate this super masculine culture for a very long time. And when I decided to start my business, I actually had a dream with like Tony Robbins and Oprah. And I had like all these different things going on. And I just in the divine feminine was then the words that Tony Robbins used for me. Celeste: And I was like, that was so fascinating because I had never even known anything about that. That was like five years ago. And so through my entrepreneurial journey and like kind of reclaiming my own intuitive skills and relearning I just really realized that at the crux of everything, I’m really into simplifying things. If you’re not going to, if you can’t tell already what it is, it really is. I realized like I’ve always been kind of a root cause girl. And so realizing that at the bottom of everything, whatever’s holding us back, whether it’s relationship with money or moving forward in our business, or, you know, being more visible, etc, it all stems from mindset. And like what our belief system is,because that really is running the show. And so I get really excited about helping women,kind of shed the layers of what we’ve been conditions and what we’ve learned are the things that we need to do in order to succeed,and kind of blowing that all open and being like, yeah, you actually can do it. Celeste: How you feel is the best for you and to know what your soul thinks. And then being able to kind of balance. I think I always get a little nervous when people are like, oh, feminine all the way, right? Because there is this balance of like the masculine and the feminine. It’s just that we’ve been living in this masculine world especially when it comes to work for so long. And so being able to bring in the intuition, weave that back into and utilize the structure and the strategies that the masculine has for us can be a really beautiful balance. Sze Wing : You know, there’s so many things that I can, I know why we connected because in my book I talk a lot about archetypes. And in your dream, you talk about Tony Robbins and Oprah, and because they are so famous and as in, you know, famous, not in itself, but because we understand what they stand for really clear because they have been very consistent in their image, in what they do. And so for me, they are kind of a modern archetype. So when you talk about Tony Robbins, people understand he’s very motivational, he’s a male energy, he is a doer. He is very powerful. And then Oprah of is also very powerful, which is great because she representsa feminine energy, but they’re powerful, but fairly different in a Tony Robbins sense. So they stand for different arcehtypes, but the same is, but the interesting thing is I think in the dream, it really sort of, for me, when I hear you, it’s sort of bringing the two things together, like not overlapping, but it’s like bringing in a masculine and feminine because you talk about the structure, the masculine, where outside, how we operate, which is very similar to, in my book. Sze Wing : I talk about Athena, even though Athena goddess archetype, it’s very much a headstrong strategist. She’s still a goddess, so there’s still feminine energy, but she thrived in that musculine structure. Cause she is her father’s daughter, she’s very into that “go and get things done” energy. And I think, you know, your dream really shows me this balance that I think you were getting into when it helps women. And a lot of times that I think you need somebody else to tell you that, what it’s exactly going on when we’re in the spin, when we’re in a storm, sometimes we don’t know. And I can be in a conversation that you are really much cutting it through blowing, down to the simple things and just really getting honing into what matters and what’s really going on. Sze Wing : And in some way that’s an, also a masculine energy to get into it. But once you get into the feminine piece comes through that intuition non-judgemental nurturing. So it’s, it’s fascinating. And I think they bring a lot of sense about being an entrepreneur. We don’t always have to wear that masculine mask. And what you were bringing into the conversation is a very feminine, very productive way to conduct business and fulfill our vision. So, you know, it’s truly inspiring. So you mentioned about women. And so that was something that I was planning to ask you. So in your experience, what is sort of the number one common roadblock with the people you work with or false ceiling? I sometimes think that of a roadblock it’s like a ceiling, but it’s a false ceiling for women to really express themselves or to speak at what they want. I mean, it sounds bad, but it’s, I think sometimesthat’s just really real that, what we’ve been facing. It felt like a false ceiling. Celeste: I love the term false ceiling for one, like, I love that. Like never heard anybody articulate it in that way, Sze Wing. So thank you for that. Because it is a false ceiling and this is such a perfect question because I, as you were talking, I was like, we need to talk about how women don’t allow ourselves to receive. Like, to me, it’s the receiving. And I think that the masculine structure is so much about the doing and there is a time and place for action and action is so important. And I will say this and call myself out in this way. After leaving corporate, I was like, I’m just going to meditate. I’m just going to meditate all the time. And I’m no, I don’t have to do anything. Let me tell you meditating on the mat for 10 hours a day does not get you what you desire in life. Celeste: Like it will definitely heal a lot of things. And I think it’s really an important I’m not saying everybody has to do 10 hours a day by any means, but I’ve done really extended long meditation retreats. But then like being able to weave in the action, but really learning how to receive, like it’s some way we’ve come up with this false belief that we’re not worthy and that if anyone tries to do something for us, we can be missing dependent. And we can like, you know just do all the things by ourselves. And that’s not, that’s not beneficial. It’s not beneficial for the masculine energy, whether it’s male or female in that masculine energy, whether it’s, it doesn’t serve us because then we end up getting bitter and resentful and not really being able to nourish our own selves, but it’s just so important that we all know that we’re worthy. We’re worthy because we’re born, we’re worthy because we’re in a body and we get to receive and just then deepening that muscle of receiving more good and more good and more joy and more of what we desire, because we ask for what we desire. Right. But then sometimes we have a hard time allowing that in. Sze Wing : So let’s, I want to dig deeper into the application or the practice of receiving. So you talk about, yes, it’s apparently a mindset, but sometimes like a practical example, do you mean, say if someone said, Hey, you look great today. We should say, thank you. Instead of, well, actually my hair isn’t washed or, you know, we hear “you look beautiful”. What happened? “I Don’t know”, like receiving 101, what else? It’s like, you felt that, sometimes I’m great at seeing these examples when we catch friends and family not receiving.it’s weird to catch it myself sometimes. I mean, a compliment is easy to spot. What else that in your everyday life, you see people that are,this is clearly an example of afraid to receive or not feeling the right to receive. Celeste: I think that, we do this in so many ways. I love the example of, oh, you look so great today and then like shutting off. It’s almost like putting up a wall, Celeste: Like, no. Celeste: Right, this is downplaying, like whatever is going on instead of like, I think, oh, I want to talk about this first, before I get into what you asked. But so often we think that we’re doing a favor or something. I don’t know what it is. Like we think that we’re not worthy enough to take the compliments, but really what we’re doing is we’re kind of like smacking the person that gave us the compliment or gave us the gift in whatever way that is. Whereas like, if we just allowed ourselves to like take it in and I’m not going to lie, it’s uncomfortable at first. But if we just breathe into it, ah, thank you. And can just bite our tongue. Right. when we’re first learning this, you know, you’re giving the person who gave you the compliment or the gift, a gift, you’re giving that to them back because they feel good giving you something. And when we cut ourselves off from receiving, we’re cutting themselves off from the benefit that they, that thetr could be. So it’s actually selfish to not receive. Sze Wing : Yeah. I agree. Celeste: It’s a paradigm shift, Sze Wing : Sometimes I don’t know. I think it’s also about wear the big girls pants have you, I don’t know when I first started out, let’s say someone introduce you to a workshop or speaking gig or anything, even podcast. You want to say something like, nice things about you. You know, now I’ve learned. And also, you know, I can pretend so you walk on the stage and you’re looking like happy, confident, but inside at the beginning, I thought, oh my God, they say all these nice things about me. I felt like I’m a fraud. Like, you know, the imposter syndrome sometimes can kick in, the bigger the stage for me with the bigger that sort of (gasp) But, but I felt I haven’t, call it like that performer archetype, so I wouldn’t show it. So I walk on the stage and say “thank you, thank you”. But inside oh my God, it feelsso small. They shouldn’t have said it. I mean, do I live up to the expectation, you know, this is very personal, weird thought in the head. Obviously I get to overcome the normal and you know, that’s right, right. But it’s also part of not receiving, you know, it would be amazing to get that energy in and use it rather than, oh my God. I’m going to get called. Celeste: Yeah. And I will say I’ve learned from watching others on how to receive too. Right. Like I do my own research. I love to like study and, and all of that. But, you know, I remember just that same example. I was speaking at an event in New York city and the woman who ran the event. Oh my. You want to talk about goddess vibes? Like this woman, she calls every woman in her tribe, goddess, hi, goddess. Hey. You know, like very, very loving and loved. Really owns it. And I remember, you know, I would say something kind to her and she would just sit there and put her hand on her heart and she would close her eyes and she would be like, I received that. Thank you. And I was like, whoa, that was like mind blowing, receiving a different level that I didn’t have the capacity for in that moment. Celeste: And it taught a lot about how often I slough things off. Right. Like somebody will say something really nice and I’m getting much better at it. But like, somebody will say something really nice about me and I’d be like, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Like, I don’t believe that, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It really is. It’s diminishing. It’s the, they don’t really know me, they don’t really know who I am. They don’t really know like all my insecurities. They’re just being nice. They think they know me like whatever. And that’s not necessarily true. People are telling you what their perception is of you. And like that perception that they have of you is actually like way more strong than what your perception is of yourself and their perception of you. And then they’re speaking it out. I always talk about like how we create things. Celeste: Speaking is a big way that we create things and they’re speaking it. And then they’re giving it’s all these other people who they’re introducing you to like what an amazing gift. I mean, they’re, they’re like showering you. And so it is it’s, it’s it’s, but it’s a tool. It’s a muscle to learn how to like, oh, I may not feel this, you know? And sometimes it might be, you know, how do I acknowledge? Okay. I don’t see it the way they see it right now, but I’m open to seeing it the way they see me. I’m open to seeing myself the way they’re seeing me. And I think that when we start to just open up our curiosity or the idea that they see me that way. They must believe it. They’re not just saying it. Right. Like, I think part of this is trust and faith and, and learning that you know, most people are not just going to say things to be nice. Most people are going to be honest. Sze Wing : Yeah. That’s great. I agree. And I was thinking, do you think that some reason to it is due to we afraid that we cannot fulfill the expectation? I wonder why are we like that? Like, you know, I think that actually waving into the next question I meant to ask you about, for example money, why sometimes it’s harder for women to ask for a bigger pay cheque or ask for what they deserve. We may tap this tendency to what’s abundance, especially money in a work situation, eeling less than, or afraid to ask for more. And isn’t in some way you think it’s due to, we have an expectation of what if we didn’t perform 110%, in order to receive that. I know I read a study where women wouldn’t dare to for a pay rise or promotion, unless they think they have done over a hundred percent confident about the next job, right? Well, men, as long as they are 80% confident in thatm they are gunning for it. Like we actually feel we need the extra well Celeste: I think I saw something similar to that Sze Wing that was actually like women feel like they have to have a hundred percent of the qualifications to apply for a new job, but men, if they have like 20 or 30% of the qualifications they’ll apply for the job. Right. And so this is I think a little bit different conversation. What I see energetically and what my experiences, I worked in corporate for 18 years. So I get it. I think that women are still so relatively new to the work environment generationally, right. Men have been working and they created the corporate structure because it’s a masculine structure and it works for men. It really works for men. So there is no, like I’m not downplaying that it, it works for them. I don’t think it always works for women. I would almost say that it hardly ever works for women to be fair. Celeste: But but part of this is I don’t think that women are asking for what their value is. A, I don’t think that they understand that they are the ones who determine their worth. You determine your price tag, especially as an entrepreneur. This is a pitfall for a lot of new female entrepreneurs. Like you go from having a job where somebody else gave you a dollar amount and just said, this is what you’re worth. And we’re going to give you this raise. And they don’t know that they determine their worth. And so they don’t know how to negotiate really to ask for more. You don’t know, unless you ask. Right. So we count ourselves out before we count ourselves in, we take ourselves out of the negotiation before we even ask the question. And so going back to there was something around why don’t we receive ? Where was it? There was a thread there. I can almost see it. Sze Wing : One of the things I’ve really learned a lot from my children because in terms of accepting no problem, you know, like give them something with love, great. You tell them youre cute. They’re like, yeah, I know, kind of thing. And they ask for more. They are the specialists. They, you know, I give my daughter a candy. She’s like, no, I want two, like immediately, when did we unlearn this? Like this asking for more, it’s becoming the hardest thing. A lot of women find it really challenging. But we were not born with it clearly. Celeste: No, we’re not born with it. And that’s the thing it’s always there. It’s always available for us to tap back into. Hmm. I feel like I’m going to like drop some knowledge right now. Like it’s available to tap back into that is to me, that source that spirit, that’s God, this divine energy, whatever you call your higher power, like that is always available. And it’s not from egoic space. Right. It’s just from a like, Ooh, I wonder if I can get this, that’s what your daughter’s doing. Right. Like, I wonder if I can get to this instead of one. Why not? Why not try? And I think oh, going back to that’s where it was, the thread going back to, like why do we belittle ourselves in our own head and think that those people who are complimenting us, et cetera, don’t know who we are. It’s because they see our potential and we see everything that we’ve failed at in the past Sze Wing : Twitter alert. Oh, wait, repeat it, please. That’s really important. Celeste: Yeah. So people who don’t know us think we’re fabulous right off the bat because they see our potential. They see how we shine, what our light looks like. But we, in our memory, in our mind, we have these memories that actually aren’t even the truth today, any longer, right? Like they’re memories, they’re old, they’re ancient, but we see all the failures that we’ve done. And that is what holds us back. So if we can like tap into, and this is why I think that your work, my work, this is why I think coaching is so vitally important, especially for female entrepreneurs. Is that like, when you can have a coach who can see your potential and just hold that vision for you, you can step into that vision so much easier Sze Wing : Sometimes. I wonder, do you think it’s a part of our nature to get so hung up on our mistakes? I mean there’s no answer here. I’m just suddenly thinking about what you just said. Like, I completely agree. I feel people tend to be more kind, I think people in general, their nature is kind and honest. So they see what they see and they see our potential while we may see these potential, but then we’ll put a lot of failures and inadequacy in front of it. So obviously it’s already blurred, but why we’re so hanging up when someone’s like, no, it’s just the fundamental work stuff. Think about relationship. We can get reallyhang up about the breakups before or how we did something wrong. And you know, and even though I’ve been coaching for one worker, a lot of people, some of them, they catch myself, oh my God, I’m still hanging up on a mistake. I did long time ago. Failure. Not besides that. A mistake or a small regret. Sometimes I realize, oh my God, I’m still a little bit hang up. But I have a little of something there. So we, I don’t know when it was buidling because we are more introspective and reflective in nature. I dunno why. Celeste: I think it’s definitely both the blessing and the curse of self-awareness. Right. and I also think that there’s so much there’s so much space for forgiveness. Like think about your children or your clients. You have so much compassion for them, right? Like you care for them, you don’t judge them. But we have been taught to judge ourselves and we’ve been taught in this perfectionistic, like society, right. You go to school and you have to get a good grade and you have to do all these things to like, measure up. Right. So it’s kind of ingrained from childhood. And then if you decide to be an entrepreneur and go into business for yourself, all of a sudden you have to continually fail and fail and fail and fail and just continually decide to stay in the game, to stay in your business. Celeste: And it’s almost like I I’m always like prescribing forgiveness work constantly like forgiving ourselves, forgiving anybody who comes up forgiving our parents, forgiving siblings, forgiving past lovers, forgiving ourselves in our current relationship with our current clients, with like whatever those little things are. And then I’m always looking for the lessons like this really awful thing happens. Okay. What can I learn from it? And like, and can I forgive myself? And sometimes it takes a while. I know that if it was my partner, I love him unconditionally. Right. Like he could do anything and it would never be that bad. That’s just him. Like, we have a good relationship, but you know, I’m so much more apt to like, give that kindness and compassion to others. Before myself. I’m better now, but I’m just saying like, from a past perspective, like I think that that’s really cool. Sze Wing : Totally. And you know, I think from this conversation already, like there was so much, I mean, great conversations for me already. I felt I am learning a lot. I think one of the things you just talked about, it’s almost describing forgiveness is a muscle. We actually have to learn to forgive whether it’s others and ourselves. And sometimes it’s muscule is strong today. Like, you know, in yoga and exercise classes, I’m trying to get better at the pose. And today, maybe tomorrow, you’re not in the same energy and may not hold up so well. And I felt forgiveness. It’s kind of like a muscle and other way we trying to build up that muscles And, and another thing was, you know, we’re just talking about, sometimes it was to hang up about,ucertain things in the past and failure and the mistakes. When I listen to you. Sze Wing : I sense that, you know, maybe cursing and blessing you you’d mentioned. And I think maybe we should look at it as a it’s a sensitivity like you, what you said without that sensitivity, we may not be as compassionate. We can not relate as well. Maybe we don’t see it. The way we do and help others. So that’s like a sensitivity as well, to be able to recognize things that we could have done better or things that may have hurt others without using, we intended to things like that. So it was fantastic. You know, this thing came to a head when we have this conversation. That’s what I love doing podcasts. Celeste: Well, I love doing this, yeah. I love this conversation. Celeste: These are conversations I can have all day, every day. Sze Wing : Oh my God. Sze Wing : Like if you put a lot of women like us in a room, we will like, chat 24 hours. Okay. So I want to ask you something about last year for many people 2020 COVID pandemic can be very challenging. I know that there’s a lot of events in your life and I also have lots of events in my life. So just let, just round it up saying it has been a challenging year, for many, 2020 everybody look at it differently. Isn’t that two different things. So, but let’s you said before, a lot of times that we’ll lookback at the challenge to see this as a lesson. So what, what’s your take about looking back 2020 that, you know, what is the thing that you learn from it? Most of all, and then what helps you to go forward? Maybe like humanity 2.1, like why 2.1? For one, I mean, that’s kind of weird model, but you know, doing better or, the thing that we wanted to improve. I mean, what do you learn most out of it? 2020? Celeste: Yeah. So 2020 was a challenging year for everyone. I personally had a breast cancer scare. I had, my grandmother died, my cat of 18 years die. My cousin was shot to death on new year’s Eve. Like crazy things happens. Right. My sister’s business burned down. It was, it was a year of trauma and I’m not saying that everybody had that traumatic of a year. I pray to God, like nobody else had that traumatic of a year. It was a lot. And I would say that, I think that my biggest lesson was to sit with the pain as it was coming up. Like, does I sit with it and let it wash to just yes. To just feel the feelings. I mean, there were days where I just cried. And, and then of course in the states, you know, we had the racial injustice stuff going on and inequality, and I don’t know about you Sze Wing, but I’m empathic. Celeste: I feel the collective, I feel the energy. I feel people’s sadness. They don’t have to be next to me. They don’t even have to be in the same city or state. I just feel everything. And so there were days where I actually, my coach at the time was like, if you’re not crying every day, I don’t know how you’re doing life right now. Like we were just sobbing. I mean, and so I think that there was a deeper sense, a deeper learning for me personally, to really be able to feel my feelings and to sit with them and be okay with them again, that self compassion, that forgiveness for being human. I w I grew up thinking that I needed to be a machine and have no feelings. And what that did was make me physically ill, emotionally unfulfilled spiritually disconnected. Like I just was really in a rut. Celeste: When I, when I was not allowing myself to be a human being and then the other, and I think that this goes hand in hand, the second lesson was surrender. I got audited by the IRS. Like, I literally just remember just surrendering and being like, all right, spirit. I don’t know what’s here for me, but I can’t do this by myself. And so you get to like lead the way I trust. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve wanted to control things my entire life. I get it now. And it was just this continual surrender over surrender, over surrender. You know, my cat was 18 and a half years old. I had been with him since he was a kitten. So that was like, my deepest love, my deepest relationship. And I was grateful actually that, like I had the couple of days to like, you know make the decision, the humane decision to like, let him, you know, go to sleep, you know, at the vet’s office and euthanize him humanely and be with him in that moment, even though it was COVID. Celeste: And I don’t think that they were supposed to have two people in there, my partner and I, but they let us have both of us in there thankfully at that time. And you know, to be able to honor his life and, and to do the same thing with my grandmother, I was all that I I’ve gotten so much better at I think 2020 was a culmination for me to see my own growth, right. Like I got to see how much more present I was. My stepdad passed away too. So I went back to my hometown when my stepfather passed away to help my sisters through it. And because I’m always been kind of a mom to them. And and at that moment I felt the nudge to go spend time with my grandmother and that wouldn’t have been on my priority list, but I was like, you know what, I should do that. Celeste: I feel called to do that in this moment, very present to that. And so I did, I spent a couple of different afternoons with her playing card games, with her, helping her with her medication, all of that. And so then when she passed away, six weeks later and I was back at home and I physically couldn’t go to the funeral because of the restrictions. I was able to be at peace with that, I spent time with her. I had that, you know, closure in a way. Right. And so I think it’s, to me, life is about emotional intelligence and when we’re able to feel the feelings and yeah, I cried, I cried a lot in 2020 probably more than any other year, to be honest, because it was just, there was so much going on and so much heaviness and so much tragedy, but being able to be present with it, be present with myself and give myself the time. Celeste: And there were some days where I had an had appointments and I had to be like, you know what, today’s not the day. I can’t, you know, like you and I were supposed to record this months ago. And I was like, Sze Wing, I love you. And I’m not in a place right now. And I just knew, I was like, I’ll know when the time is, right. I trust that internal guidance. I trust that you know, if this opportunity is meant to happen again, it will happen again. And to me, that’s a lot of faith in, in in something bigger than myself, right? Like greater good universe source God, whatever you want to call higher power. That was, that was, that was a big loss. And that I took out a 2020 Sze Wing : That was actually wearing a big girls pants in that sense of taking care of yourself, the self-care piece, you did. And also when she says sitting through the difficult times, I know that all that shall pass and, you know, being present and, and you know, what a huge growth, because I think you and I have a similar scenario in the sense that we’re trying to be like machine in some ways, when I was younger, I also one of the very distinctive things I really can relate to what you said before was I didn’t want to fell in love, like head over heels in love thing. It’s not my thing. It’s not my jam. I don’t like it because of my background, the way I was brought up, my parents were working so late and I was very alone. And therefore I am very independent by nature. Sze Wing : I don’t know, like, because of circumstance, but I think one of the things that you didn’t know, but you learn instinctively it’s, I don’t want to depend on anyone emotional or physical. So since I was very little, I was very independent, but then I did not realize that also in terms of relationship, I didn’t love wanting to love too much. I don’t want to be in, you know, the crazy head-over-heels thing and romantic movie. I can not relate. I just don’t have it. Because I think it’s a fear in some ways to, you know, feeling abandoned or I’m not okay, unless you are here after me. I don’t know what that was, but, you know, I, I sense that when you talk about trying to be a host, like a machine, not trying to be fully present and not so emotional, that was me younger, the as well, and to, to step out of it, but obviously inevitably, when you either have a family crisis, a health crisis, in my case, having children, you can’t, you just, you just gotta be human and it, it kinda, those opportunities help us to be more human and, and embrace that. Sze Wing : And, you know, you talked about, it’s definitely a very challenging year, but the way you describe it, I can see it’s like coming in waves, isn’t it. And then, but you managed to, it’s almost like a sail boat that you kind of ride on top of it and you go through it rather than, you know another really horrible way to handle it is to deny or shut it down or not sitting through it. And then what happened is that it will still be there until we’re ready to resolve it, which may or may not be helpful. Well, Celeste: And it always comes out whether we think it’s coming out or not. Right. Like when we think that we’re shoving it down, what’s really happening is it’s coming out sideways through anger, through, you know, resentment through bitterness. I lived a good portion of my life, probably drinking way more than anybody needed to and, and self pacifying in a lot of different ways, because I didn’t want to feel my feelings because I think that, like, in our culture, we’re not taught emotional intelligence. We’re not taught how to sit with our feelings and how to honor them. And when we do, when we actually can sit with them and I always tell my clients I’m like, use it as a mantra. Not I am sad because when you say I am something like you’re declaring, you are that thing. So you are not sad. Celeste: You are not pathetic. You are not whatever. Like don’t tell the story about what’s going on, but feel the feeling. And so I use it as the mantra. I feel sad. I feel sad. And in order to be present with it, I just say that to myself over and over, and then I will cry. And honestly it goes pretty fast when you can like, just sit with it. And I just heard somebody say like, it’s like it’s like digesting, it’s like metabolizing. And when you learn how to feel your feelings in a more profound way, a you’re way more productive because everybody’s having the feelings anyway. It’s just whether you’re actually letting yourself feeling them or not, or whether they’re holding you up in other ways or you’re digesting them and metabolizing them and getting better and better digestion as a result. Sze Wing : So winding up wrapping up our interview, very inspiring. I love our conversation. So last question. So what inspire you to stay, especially looking into 2021, what’s sort of the word, mentor or the thing that you have in mind for this year. Celeste: I am really passionate about helping women step into their sovereignty. And this is such a big piece for me. And seeing, you mentioned it a little bit, like not wanting to love so deeply because you don’t want to lose yourself in those relationships. It feels like is what you were talking about. I’ve lost myself in relationships before, and I think that it’s, it’s, it’s so easy for us as women to give of ourselves so much that we forget who we are. And so my big motivation for the time to come is to continue to inspire women to live in their truth, to really be able to shine their gifts, super brightly, to heal the relationship with money so that they can ask for what they desire for what they feel that they need to live and what they feel like they’re worth. And really to just be a brighter, more visible person. I mean, I think that’s my, that’s my biggest prayer for myself, my own life, and really helping to inspire more people. So thank you for having me here for sure. Cause this is definitely a big piece of that. I appreciate it. Sze Wing : Beautiful. So thank you so much for today for your time and you people want to get to know you better connect with you. I will put your website, And is there any other best way to find you online? Celeste: I would say I’m Celeste Hartwell everywhere, Instagram, Facebook CelesteHartwell.com actually pushed this over to divine feminine leaders.com if divine feminine leaders is too much of a mouthful. And so, yeah, Celeste Hartwell is where I am everywhere. So thank you. Thank you so much. I deeply appreciate you. Sze Wing : You too. Thank you so much.
26 minutes | Jun 1, 2021
102. Profit of Kindness: Interview with Jill Lublin
In this interview, you will hear from the renowned publicity strategist, international speaker, consultant, and four times bestselling author Jill Lublin on why being kind is more important than people realised. She shared with us her view on Return on Investment, where all things are transactional, versus if we can focus on Return on Kindness instead. Simply put, when you are a kind company, you get better publicity and having kindness in business, it actually brings you more business. I can’t help but think a little kindness can go a long way with our customer relationships as well! Decades ago Marianne Williamson wrote her international bestseller and highly influential book Return to Love. Jill’s Profit of Kindness is also a book written to remind us about humanity and divinity as something we need to come back to. I hope you will enjoy this conversation as much as I do! Jill A. Lublin is an internationally renowned speaker on the topics of publicity and networking. As an author of her best-selling books Profit of Kindness (Red Wheel Weiser), Get Noticed…Get Referrals, and co-author of the best-sellers Guerrilla Publicity (Adams Media), and Networking Magic (Adams Media), Jill is a master strategist on how to capture the attention of the media and increase your visibility in the marketplace. Interview Highlights What her new book “The Profit of Kindness” is about? Why it better to focus on the “Return on Kindness” Principle instead of Return on Investment How to discern someone’ authenticity – are they consistent on stage and off stage? Sometimes we want to work with people or coaches that can lead us to the edge of growth, which may be challenging, but that is different from working with people with who we are not comfortable. Understand your own skillset and gaps, so that when you work with others, they can fill in those gaps. The path to success and accomplishment will become clear, but not immediately and we may stumble and fell. Don’t get too attached to how you think things need to be, because sometimes they will inform you how they need to be. Patience for an entrepreneur can be tough but things tend to unfold in their own natural ways “When” and “How” do we decide to quit our projects and change our direction. Many paths have projects that didn’t take off because there is so much happening in the marketplace. Pick something you are passionate about so that you can stay long enough to see it through and stay in the game. Entrepreneurs are often highly creative and dynamic, we are not good with monotony and that’s why it’s good to delegate things you don’t like to do so that they get done and you can focus on what you do best! You can find Jill’s books and courses here, and you can also connect with her at: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jilllublinhttp://twitter.com/JillLublinhttp://www.facebook.com/people/Jill-Lublin/1143437802 Video https://youtu.be/7Joudr_GVyI Transcript Sze Wing: Hi, everyone. I’m really excited to introduce you to my guest Jill Lublin all the way from the USA today. And I’m so pleased that she has agreed to come on to be my guest on my podcast. So hi, Jill So great to be here with you. Thank you so much. So a little short introduction. Jill is an international speaker on the topic of Radical Influence, Publicity, Networking, Kindness, and Referrals, and she’s also has bestselling books and which we are going to talk about her latest one. And as many of my listeners know that I’m also writing my own books. So definitely I’m so honoured to actually have her to be interviewed. And I’m really excited to ask her with my questions. So, and her latest book is The Profit of Kindness, which went on to be number one in four categories. Sze Wing: Jill is a master strategist on how to position a business for more profitability and more visibility in marketplace. She’s a CEO of a strategic consulting firm and has over 25 years experience working with over 100,000 people plus national and international media. So she teaches a virtually publicity crash course, as she consultants and speaks all over the world. She also helped authors to create book deals with major publishers and agents, as well as to obtain foreign rights and deals. So if you interested in a publicity crash course, you can go through the link and I will have the links at the end in the details. So first of all, welcome to my show. Thank you so much Jill. I feel honoured to be here with you. Wow. Really happy to have you here. So first of all, tell us about your new book because I looked at all the books that you have written early on, and I felt this one have a slightly different approach, or I don’t know, because it talks about kindness. Sze Wing: And so why don’t you tell us about what prompted you to write this book and what’s the book all about? Jill: Thank you. So the Profit of Kindness is actually it is my fourth book and it’s really about how to use kindness in the marketplace. So I go over seven, what I call “return on kindness” principles. So everybody’s always concerned about ROI, right? You also need to be thinking about, okay, and those are return on kindness, principles, things like patience and flexibility. That’s true. Two of them, you know, that are so important in these times. What prompted me to write it is actually my 85 year old friend who, you know, we’ve been friends for over 20 years, a wonderful relationship and a very dynamic and terrific woman. And, you know, as she’s gotten older, I’ve been helping care for her and all kinds of things that are involved in that, like running over, if she falls and take her to doctor’s appointments. Jill: And one day she looked at me and she said, Jill, you are so kind, I think we should have a new currency. She said the currency of kindness, that’s where it all started. That’s where the Profit of Kindness got born. Sze Wing: Sometimes sort of life experiences, we learn about gratitude. We learn about what really matters, how alert about kindness, like giving or receiving, but in your previous books are very much focused on business marketing, how to make things work, how to make things happen. You know, it has a very different energy to it. So how did you manage to combine the two strengths to get it? Because I don’t think they as a whole, how the person, I don’t think they separate, but as an author and as a business woman, you know what I’m trying to say that sometimes we juggle, how do we combine the two and make it really compliment each other? Jill: So here’s what I’m going to say. It’s interesting because kind companies get lots of publicity. Now I wrote the book guerrilla publicity, right? And here’s what I know perception is everything. When you are a kind company, when you’re known for that, when you’re doing commercials about that, which you know, many companies are right now, there’s a huge healthcare company, dignity health, doing a human kindness campaign. Now they’re using these words right. In their campaigns, right? So here’s the deal. When you’re a kind company, you get better publicity, that’s just all ties to there actually. And so guerrilla publicity is about how to get more publicity, and profit of kindness is being more profitable by being kind. And they tie very much together in a nice bow, from a public perception standpoint and they stand alone and by themselves too. Jill: The truth is they’re all business books because using kindness in business brings you more business. That’s just what happens. Sze Wing: I really liked the fact that you got inspired by your experience with your friend and it come from a true place and it’s a sort of self reflection. But in your experience, a lot of people in some way know that and learn fast because they know, oh, spirituality sell, or kindness, we just throw the word gratitude out there and see if something just stick. Right. So, you know, you walk the path and you have done your work, looking at the books. So how did you discern when someone is coherent, like a real deal? Because some people can just tell us all these words together and try to get publicity, try to stand out from this crowd. But how do you, your approach to discern what is good information or how do you, how do you navigate in this? Because you work with different clients, work with different businesses and I assume you can’t work with everybody. So you have to pick. And how do you decide to pick the right one? Jill: So, you know, I think picking people you work with in business is a bit like a relationship, right? You have to court, date and see if it’s a good fit. Not everybody has to be my perfect match to be a great match, whether I hire them. You know, sometimes I hire people because I’m afraid of in a way like that makes me a little nervous because it brings me to another edge of myself, particularly coaches, you know? I believe a lot in investing in coaches and education. I think that’s really important just like I’m a coach for some, I need to be coached. Right. And I think that’s important. So, the discernment, is there a consistency in their life and the way they speak in how they act? UI look for that first, right. Jill: Is there consistency? Are they the same? Because I’m a speaker and I’ve also done publicity and helped a lot of speakers, authors, consultants, coaches particularly, are they the same through all of their environments? Right. So if they go onstage and they’re one way, and then comes off stage and they’re really different. Well, that’ll tell you something right away. So look for many of those, what I call the big signs and the small signs, right. Because for me, it’s all one, you know, that’s not to say, of course, when I’m speaking to thousands of people, I might have a bigger energy than when I’m speaking to you right here right now, because you have to amplify your energy and do certain things. However, watch for that kind of consistency, I think that’ll cue you in. Sze Wing: I love that because the onset stage personality, it’s quite important and if not comparable, I resonate with that because I remember when back in dating days, sometimes you go out for coffee with the men and they treat the waitors really poorly or uncomfortable in that environment or whatever that you just picked up on just not consistent with how this person presenting himself or herself to you one-to-one or like in a fancy restaurant versus in a really just a corner cafe. Jill: And I think, you know, that picture paint a better picture to onstage and offstage personality. Yeah, exactly. And all it’s all the little things, you know, pay attention to the little things. And I think that’s, that’ll show you a lot of who person is. And the other thing, you know, I’ve always laughed because people will tell you who they’re with. I don’t want to work with difficult people. I want my clients to be wonderful, to work with to be easy to work with, to be joyful, to work with. You know, that’s not to say there’s times where we’re working through some things. Right. But I want great people to work with. So I just think for all of us, we have to decide what works for us right. Sze Wing: That really sparked my interest because when you are hiring or working with clients of both directions. And you mentioned that you don’t want to work with difficult people, both again hiring or working with, but then you also mentioned earlier about sometimes you want to work with people you may be scared of. I mean, in the sense that it challenges as opposed that what you’re referring to with hiring coaches that may like, you know scare you. So how do you like, okay, so tell me a little bit more, dig deeper about this, you know, difficult versus challenging in a good way. Sometimes difficult can be marked as something actually you need to deal with. Jill: Well, exactly. So you know, what I pay attention to? Where does my heart race a little bit, that includes if somebody is talking to me about working with them. But more so when I’m choosing coaches and or people I’m going to work with if I feel when I meant a little bit afraid, what I’m saying is I am challenged. Yes. I have to raise up a level. Yes. One of my coaches said that, you know, he’s a toe ahead of me in the water, right. I mean, I’m accomplished. So is he, and there are so many things he knows. So I also want to fill in the gap where, where my I have blanks. So it might be in the area of financial support. You know, it just depends what you need in terms of where you’re at and where you need the holes filled in. Jill: And I think that’s a good way to decide, you know, do they have those skillsets? I do have two kinds of coaches. One’s really good at like sales and marketing. And that’s how he thinks another one’s more financially rooted and grounded in that he wants to see my numbers. And I don’t know. I can’t do my, you know, when I, when I first started with them, I used to laugh. Cause I told them, I didn’t know my P and L, prop that stands for profit and loss, just for those of you who don’t know. Jill: I wasn’t afraid of business, but I was afraid of the financial aspects. I didn’t have a handle on how to read a financial statement on how to create a forecasting for my business on my expense versus, you know, everything else. And by the way, it’s still not my most profound skill set. I mean, I am great at publicity. I am great at messaging. I am great at helping people get book deals with major publishers and agents that I know how to do. Right. But what I also know as a business woman is that you get team to do the rest. I have a bookkeeper and a CPA. They know how to do that. That’s their skillset. So make sure, you know, just like people hire me for my marketing knowledge, get the people around you who help you with the things that you don’t know as well. Jill: That you’re a bit deficient in. That’s really important. That’s why it makes my heart race because I don’t know these things as well as I could. And I don’t need to know them. Yeah. And like the same, like I love to write and interview people, but I’m not very good with the designing. I know what I like visually and I can give direction, but I’m not going to spend hours on doing graphics. And even though like, you know, I’m one of those solo mama entrepreneur, I know that I cannot do it all. And just like what you said, what you’re good at or enjoy rather than doing it. Pick your battles to win the war. I used it with my work. I use it with my babies that’s right. You, you sit in your family and your relationships. Right. We use them everywhere because some things are worth fighting for, and some things are worth delegating. Sze Wing: I wanted to go back to a little bit because, at the beginning, when you met someone to help you with your financial side. This is so actually what I got really curious is that now look at you, you’re have 4 books. You are accomplished and that people look up to you, but tell me where did it all begin? Tell me the story before you become you. Because I love people to look at an accomplished business person like yourself. They, they look at it there and they want success here tomorrow or yesterday, but they forget that you must have a story or long way before you written four books. When you wrote four books, it’s not like four days. Sze Wing: So tell us a little bit about your background story that’s okay. Jill: Absolutely. So, you know, I came to my business in a circuitous way, like many of us do. And actually I dropped out of law school because I hate it. And that surprised me because I really wanted to go to law school. You see, I thought being in law school would be a way that I could help people, but then I got to law school and for my creative mind, a very difficult place to be. So I dropped out, which made me feel honestly like a failure. At that point I started as a secretary in the music business and I loved that.I was able to get right into the world of music and entertainment and then kind of worked my way up and actually found my true calling, which is publicity and promotion ended up as a director of permission promotion and publicity at multiple independent record labels. Jill: And what was wonderful about that is that’s where I learned the power of perception and publicity. Right then I opened up my own agency and my own consulting firm. And then I got, I call it, tapped on the shoulder to write my first book, guerrilla publicity. And from there I started speaking and then I changed everything from a PR agency into a virtual publicity course. And now I’m able to help a lot more people, a lot more affordably because most people can’t afford big fees of PR agencies, you know? So I wanted to find a way around that and help a lot more entrepreneurs. And I managed to succeed, but you know, along the way, like all of us, you know, ups and downs and all arounds and learning how to run a business, learning how to manage people. Jill: So like everything in life, you, you find your way. And for me, the path became clear, but not immediately. And I stumbled and fell. And I still times where I’ll start a project and it falls flat. Maybe it wasn’t the right time. Like for instance, kindness circles. When the Profit of Kindness came out, I really wanted to do something called kindness circles. Well, it took me a year and a half since the book’s been out to start them. Now I am doing them. I’m doing them monthly. They’re completely free. And then in November, I’m doing kindness summit. Now I wanted that to be a full day program and of course, because of our world circumstances, it will be a three hour program and it will be virtual and that’s fine. So this is the thing, you know, don’t get too attached to how you always think things need to be, because sometimes they will inform you how they need to be. Jill: And it depends on what’s needed. I would rather do a three hour virtual event than not do anything this year to celebrate world kindness day. Right. But . You know, my book was written almost two years ago, so I’m just getting to that. Now. I wanted to come out the gate with it, but it was too much. And sometimes, you know, you can’t do it all at once. I think patience for entrepreneurs is, well, that could be tough. But certainly that’s been one of my roads is learning more patience that things unfold sometimes in their own natural ways. Sze Wing: So that’s perfectly dip into what I wanted to ask you, because you walk the path for the last 25 years. So some listeners is still transitioning into owning the business or being here for just a few years. Sze Wing: So I wanted to ask you about some tips that you learned the hard way or easy way, and you mentioned patience, but that’s the other thing I actually have been thinking about regarding this, because many people ask for the tips, but so sometimes I wonder when we face a situation, say, you couldn’t do the life event, you have to do virtual, but sometimes, maybe things don’t go our way. Maybe we don’t get as many clients. We don’t sell as many products. The publicity campaign didn’t work. Sometimes we faced the decision that should we just fold it? Should we just quit it and say, I need an other re-iteration for my business. Maybe I should go back to law school, you know, those big cross point. And I assume after a long journey as you may have couple of those. So what do we do when we ask those big questions? Jill: Preliminary, I asked him, I asked it two, maybe three years ago. I was, you know, when you do something and I love my work, but I, I like also like new things, new projects. I never expected to actually write a fourth book that kind of showed up. And why I knew what was right is because immediately when all this started happening the publisher who took the book made it happen really fast. Right. And so to me, that was a sign. So I do watch for signs. I follow a certain amount of intuition and guidance. Now. I was a very goal oriented person and interestingly enough, I had given up certain goals. Like I just try not to stay too tight and too structured. And I like to see what showing up now that took me a while to get to that place, you know? Jill: And see what feels right to me, what is in alignment with my purpose, my vision, my general philosophy. But certainly let me just tell you, I’ve had many false starts, you know, try programs that didn’t work or didn’t engage people. Sometimes I wonder why people aren’t opening my emails and, if it’s not a high enough open rate. As my coach says, I hate to tell you, but they’re not reading all your stuff because there is so much noise in the marketplace. So if you’re going to pick something, pick something you’re passionate about that you can stay with for at least a long enough term to see it through. And I do think that some of my success you want to know what’s true has been that I just stayed in the game, know including the times when, by the way I wanted to quit, I wanted to get a job. Jill: I thought to heck with this, this is too hard, you know, why don’t I just get paid and get benefits and reap the rewards that way. And that of course has its own issues and own problems. I kept going and there were times believe me where I didn’t know how I was going to pay my staff. I didn’t know. I’ve been there. I really have, I didn’t know maybe what the next project was, or maybe I was just bored at different times, and these are all different timeframes, you know, because writing a book’s exciting and when you get the books exciting, but there’s all that stuff in between the monotony. Let’s be honest. If you’re a business owner, you’re going to do some things that are monotonous and boring. Jill: Now, you know, entrepreneurs in particular are creative generally and dynamic typically. That’s hard to do, but one of the things I’m big on is as much as you can start delegating the things you don’t like to do, just to take that away and focus on the things you do love to do, and that are the most revenue generating. Listen, I have people that I pay in the Philippines, for example, $7 an hour. They’re very happy. And they’re wonderful and great on my team. So there’s all kinds of ways that you can create in this environment, wonderful ways to get things done, affordably and inexpensively, get team and do the things you want to do and not spend a fortune. So that’s a beautiful thing. We were very lucky. Sze Wing: Well, thank you for sharing that because, you know, from the outsider perspective, is that all you have the success and they want to hear sometimes that maybe five years ago you were questioning the same thing, because sometimes we looked at people’s success and they are super human. Sze Wing: They all there and we’re here. And we like, how am I going to pay the bail? And we don’t want to tell anyone, this is shame of the fact that we didn’t manage to get on top of it. And so there’s a lot of weird dynamics that we can talk about it all day, because we love the business and love helping people. But to wrap everything together, really, I definitely want to know more about your publicity course because you created it so that people may not be able to afford the big agency fees. Can tell us about the course and maybe the website or how to get in touch with you. If people interested to learn more about that. Jill: Thank you. So I created a virtual publicity course. This is a no-nonsense get it done. Jill: And we were actually get your publicity done in the course it’s live, it’s interactive with me. It’s a small group and a wonderful breakout rooms, and you don’t have to leave your home to do it. That’s what’s great. Frankly the other thing people love is that it is just very practical and tactical where I spill all the secrets and give people a real system to get their done and to do with the right way so that you get real results. It’s interesting in this pandemic, what I’ve done is I actually lowered all my prices and that’s been really great. So for my pandemic pricing, here’s what you do. You go to publicity crash course.com and put in the code, stay visible, all lowercase, stay visible and that’ll give you a great code for a very affordable investment to get your publicity done. Jill: And then if you want to talk to me about publishing or bigger projects, please email me at email@example.com. Sze Wing: Well, thank you so much today to chat with you and hear from you, and you got four wonderful books and people certainly can grab them with you from your website. So thank you once again. Jill: Thank you for having me.
46 minutes | May 26, 2021
101. How to get unstuck in life: Interview with Teri Kerr
Do you feel stuck in your life right now? Are you wondering what is your life purpose or if you are on the right path? Sometimes we feel we are playing small or not on the “right track”, and other times, we may feel we are going through life in motion, but not exactly present or becoming the best version of ourselves. If any of these describe your current state of mind or feeling, then this interview may be a great pick-me-up to energise you and give you some clarity that you need. I interviewed Terry Kerr a while back, but our conversation is timeless and I have no doubt the content applies to us many times in life. Teri Kerr is an ICF certified Executive Coach through Royal Roads University and a graduate of the Purpose Project™. She lives in Victoria BC with her husband Jeff, a revolving door of teenagers, her beloved golden mountain dog Indy, and a one-eyed cat named Tallie. You can connect with Teri via her website: https://unstuckduck.ca/ Feeling you may like give coaching a go? You can find out more about personal coaching with Sze Wing here. Achieving a goal or solving a problem is ONLY the by-product or “side-effects” of coaching. The magic is in your own discovery about yourself, a deeper awareness about your strengths & desires, and knowing what strategy actually works for you going forward in life. Interview Highlights: The idea of “Unstuck Duck” – helping women to get out of their corporate job into entrepreneurship From Super Busy Mum to the journey of Surviving Cancer “Be More You” – why bringing more joy and fulfilment into your life is so important Trying to fit in or stepping into others’ shoes may make us forget who we are We don’t need to go through life with a “elbows up” a power through approach – sometimes it works better for us if we can soften instead of hardening our exterior to approach our life Be aware when we start to go through life in motion, but not really present in it, we may lose touch with who we are or our spouse/partner How to cultivate a sense of awareness to become more conscious in our life Ways to spot red flags when we are disconnected from our loved ones How do you want to be remembered – write your own eulogy Changing Lane: Start with reflecting on how life is working out (or not) and then creating new habits and experiences We don’t have a choice of what happens to us, but we have a choice of how we react to it and move forward through it. How do you want your next 30 years to look like? Playing Big – your greatness lies in the small day-to-day, moment-by-moment decisions. You have a choice in every moment, how you think, feel and act base on who you want to be now and in the future. Living on purpose is a muscle that needs to be trained and exercised regularly. Living life is like collecting data, one step at a time, to figure it all out Remember other people’s opinion or expectation is just theirs, you need to do you and know what works for you instead of trying to please everyone. Why we need to be aware not to get too attached to our stories, or to be right. Video https://youtu.be/iQYcYTElQOk Transcript Sze Wing: Hi everyone today. I’m really excited to talk to my new friend – Terry Kerr and what’s so special about today’s interview is that we just met not long ago and she’s actually living in Victoria, British Columbia in Canada. And it works out the time zone is actually pretty easy for us to connect. I’m so excited because you know, it’s always lovely to talk to someone from far away from Australia and especially during COVID-19 these days we cannot travel. So this is really exciting for me to talk to someone not from my continent. So a little bit about Terry she’s a coach, I think executive coach and empowerment strategies is more the accurate term. She’s also an artist, hockey mom, cancer survivor , speaker and creative warrior. And I think many of us actually share similar interests or life goals in this community who are listening and watching and often those being interviewed as well. Sze Wing: And Terry’s she’s a certified executive coach and a graduate of the purpose project. She lives in Canada, British Columbia in Victoria with her husband, Jeff and teenagers and dog and cat. So obviously a very busy household and incredible busy women because she’s also the managing director of the Victoria British Columbia chapter of the eWomen network in Canada. So obviously you wear many hats and I’m really excited to be able to connect with you today. And one of, so first of all, welcome to my show, Terry. Terry: You’re welcome. Did I just freeze? I Apologize if I freeze, Sze Wing: Don’t worry at all. It’s all good. So one of the things really caught my eye when I first met Terry is her website title because it’s actually named, it’s called the unstuck duck. So first of all, it’s very catchy, but also I love what she wrote on her website about, you know, do you have your ducks in a row? Do you know, like how you going? Like, and things like that, it actually makes sense. And it really stick in my mind. And I think a lot of people, a lot of women at some point in their lives feeling really stuck. So I’m curious, and, and I’m also pretty sure at some point in your life, Terry, that you were stuck. So that’s why you created this business. So tell me your story. Terry: Okay. So thank you. First of all, for having me, I appreciate the invitation and it was actually really serendipitous that we met at the women network event. I had the time zone just worked. It worked, you guys have it in the morning. It ended up being evening for us. So it worked out perfectly. We, so a little bit about me. I live in Victoria, British Columbia. I have been I was born and raised on the West coast of BC. So I’ve been an Island girl, my whole life Victoria is on an Island. It’s just in case for people that don’t know that we live on Vancouver Island. And so I, my story is I used to work in a corporate job. I was a fundraiser for a university and I was one of those really high achieving people that was doing 50,000 things at any given time. Terry: I had two kids that played elite ice hockey, so which is totally Canadian thing. And we hosted international students. We, I did my masters at the same time as working full-time and was working and was working a really high stress job. And I ended up getting sick. I ended up being diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015, and I had no family history. I had nothing that would have ever expected that to happen to me other than I had a really high stress, high energy life. And stress is not good for your body. So my body decided to make me slow down a little bit. And so during that time I was off work for almost three years at a very aggressive form of cancer. And when I ended up, like I had quite the extensive treatment and when I went back to work, I realized.. Terry: My meter was broken. I really didn’t care anymore. And I felt like everything that I was doing at work just, I was running into trouble because I was just not engaged. I was questioning authority, questioning process and really just realized that I was not in the right career for me. And so I ended up doing some work and diving a little bit deep into the different ways that I’m doing. I did a program called the purpose project, which you mentioned which is through a company called “Be More You” here in Victoria. Well, it’s not in Victoria, it’s in the Pacific Northwest. They’re actually based out of Seattle area. And during that time, I just really realized that there wasn’t a lot going on in my life that was bringing me joy. Terry: That was making me feel like really fulfilled. And so I did, I started navigating the wilderness a little bit and I had a moment where I realized that I wanted to become a coach. I had been with a coach. Two of them, actually, one of them had been given to me through work. And one of them was a friend of mine who was an executive coach that just was a really smart cookie and I could talk to her about all kinds of things. So I ended up deciding that, you know what, I want to go back to school. So I went back to school, became a coach. So the story about the unstuck deck is I was speaking to a branding, another friend of mine through the purpose project. Who’s a branding coach. And she said, well, who’s your ideal client? And I said, really, I just want to help people get unstuck. Terry: And I was reminded of a book little book when my kids were little, their favourite book was called one duck stuck. It was about a duck that got stuck in the muck. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get out. So it was a counting book. So it was like two moose clumped to the duck, no luck still stuck. And it was, you know, singing songs and, and it became that no luck still stuck, became a mantra in our family. And so you know, I, it just really fit. I wanted to help people get unstuck. And I knew that I was not a corporate coach. I do work that way. I didn’t feel like people would take me that way. I would much prefer to work with someone who is looking to get out of their corporate job and into entrepreneurship. So I work mostly with women who are entrepreneurs. I like to say, I help smart, competent women who want to navigate the overwhelm of entrepreneurship. So they can create a life that’s both fulfilling and profitable. And it’s my story really. That’s exactly what my story is, is I want to wanted to break out of corporate and into doing my own thing. And I want to help others step into that for their life, whatever it is that they want and become an unstuck deck. Sze Wing: Yeah. So many of us have walked a similar journey and once we actually got through it, the other side, so to speak, we want to help others who may have the same problems or challenges. So it totally makes sense. So let’s unpack a little bit, because I think there’s so many great things you said, you know, and that we can learn from your stories. So, number one, what I have observed is that because I have two little kids and one of them is four months old. So not exactly like reading books yet, but I find a lot of children books actually got something that can inspire us.I have the “We go on a bear hunt” book as something that I sometimes talked about because you know, it doesn’t matter the circumstances, you cannot go over it, you cannot go under it, you have to go through it. Sze Wing: And a lot of times I found life, it’s actually that way that we got to keep moving forward. And, you know, sometimes we sometimes create whatever that is that we take. We actually still have to get through it. And I think like incredible, I used to look at children’s books sometimes and then turn around and go, actually, there’s something in this that we can learn from. It can be quite profound. So thank you for sharing us about the duck story. And I think it really like, you know, sticking out in my mind and it’s quite helpful. And the other thing I want to unpack and ask is, you know with all this time that, you know, you were navigating your own journey and, you know, and then helping others, like after you have done your part and you go and study coaching and you help people, you know, and helping them to become more themselves, what do you think typically from your client, from your own experience that we hold back and like review, like what we’re trying to be, because, you know, you were going a hundred miles an hour doing 50 things, and yet you actually was stuck instead of moving forward, you’re doing, doing, doing, doing, but then a wake up call happen and actually find yourself extra stuck and not being you. Sze Wing: So what do you think is a common factor that put us in that position? One of my guess is social conditioning that we think doing more is better. Success is the outward thing. So as one of my guests, but from your experience and from your client, what do you think that put us into this position? Terry: I think honestly, I think that a lot of it is, like you said, it’s social conditioning. You know, many of us have baggage from when we were child. I skipped a grade and I was always trying to fit in. That was a big thing for me. And I was super smart, but I really didn’t want everybody to know that I was smart because it made me stand out and I wanted to fit in. And I have allowed that thought to really hold me back from stepping into myself for a long time. I did, I don’t anymore. I mean, now I’ll, I’m happy to step into roles where, you know, where I am a leader in a leadership position, or but I also know that well classic example. So I’m the managing director of eWomen network and the lady that was the managing director before me, she’s a good friend of mine. Her name is Erin and she was a totally different type of person than I am. She was really organized. She was very controlled. She was quirky. And I mean, I’m pretty quirky, but in a totally different way. And so my fear going into that was I wasn’t going to able to be able to step into her shoes. Terry: Really if that was the shoes that needed to be filled in that moment. I mean, we’re all have our own shoes. And, and so we try to step into other people’s shoes. We tried to step into our parents’ shoes or our parents teach us everything that they’ve learned because that’s all they know. So I think a lot of the times with our parents, that’s another classic example is, you know my dad was an entrepreneur. He taught me to take risks. He taught me and honestly he probably didn’t teach me to be very prudent in my risks. So that’s a different type of baggage than some people who, when, I mean, I’ve always learned by, by watching instead of by, by listening, I need to learn going through life, making the mistakes that I make. That’s how I learn. I go, I like to say I go through life with my elbows up. And, Sze Wing: And what does that mean? Terry: So it might be a Canadian hockey term, Sze Wing: Right? I was wondering, Terry: Yeah. So when you, it’s, there’s two minute penalty for elbowing and you’re not allowed to hit somebody with your elbow. Another classic example is going through Costco and it’s like super busy. So you’re like elbows up, let’s go. And you just power through. Right. I like to say that I go through life with my elbows up and sometimes it’s protective mechanism and sometimes it’s a bit, you know, I’m going to throw a jab and learn the hard way. So it’s more about learning the hard way and not in a very kind way. So that’s how I learned a lot of my problems. So like, I’ll, I’ll run into some of my lessons. I will run into a problem with authority, for example, it’s because I’ve called somebody out on their inefficiency. Well, that’s not the way to get over a problem. That’s not a way to go through life in a, and so I’ve had to learn those things because I’ve run into my own downfall of going through with my elbows up. Does that make sense? Sze Wing: To be honest, when we know better, we will do better when we’re 20, we can’t expect ourselves to act like a 30 years old. I mean, sometimes we just have to make mistakes and the key is to learn from it or see the value in it. Now you say, you realize this may not be the best strategy in life, within relationship, maybe the best approach in Costco. I don’t know. But,ubut you know, what reminded me very interesting here is that I remember I was listening to a lecture by Marian Williamson and she said, remember the posture of Christ. It’s always like, like surrender with arms open, like chest open, sort of like this, you know? And she did say like, we may instead crossing our arms and walk around like this, you know? And it’s interesting because you know, we talk about posture when you say that, like it visually just came to my mind. And I think, you know, that’s, that’s what it is I’ve experienced. Sometimes you cannot hypothesize or intellectually imagine things. Sometimes you actually have to get some, get into trouble, so to speak or wake up. And everybody has their different challenges. And there’s no way to say this is bigger than that. You know? Terry: Sometimes so I go through by getting into trouble, but some people go through life playing safe because they don’t want to get into trouble. And sometimes it’s because they’ve had a bad experience with getting into trouble. They’ve been burned somehow. They’ve seen somebody else have consequences and therefore they don’t want the consequences. And what ends up happening is somebody will go through life, never really playing at any higher level, like always playing safe. And the next thing, you know, they’re like 65, their watch from this corporation, they’ve lived at work and they have no idea. They like, like you talk about well, you don’t I have heard people talk about you know, when you’re, you, you go through the motions of having children with your spouse, you go through, you become a very well-oiled machine. And that was the situation with my husband and I, we were a very well oiled machine. Terry: We could make four meals in a night and who was going to practice where, and next thing you know, like, yep, no problem. We go to bed and started all over the next day. And what happens is then the kids grow up and move out and you look at each other and you’re like, who is this person that I don’t even know because we’ve just been, you know, or we’ve gotten into these patterns. And when I work with my clients, a lot of the time, it’s because they’ve gotten into these patterns, they’re procrastinating because they’re avoiding something there. Speaking in words like I need to, and coming from a place of scarcity, like I need to do this and I can’t do this. And I, you know, I have to do this. And instead of saying, you know what, I’m going to choose to do this because this is going to move me forward in my business. And I want this because it’s going to make me fulfilled in a day or in, and wanting, and choosing and being that living life on purpose, being intentional about how we move forward. That’s, that’s where I want my clients to. Well, that’s where they grow. That’s where they grow the best. So it is scary. It’s scary. It can be very scary. Sze Wing: Yes. Yes. Which leads me to the next questions. Actually the two-part questions, the first is that, you know, like you said, sometimes we, we so good at become a well-oiled machine, military unit, make four meals a day, make sure people go to bed the right time. And then suddenly we realized that we actually don’t understand or even know each other. We become, you know, distance, or we’re not thinking like not experience our true feelings or knowing who we are anymore. So first question is, so how, how do you cultivate a sense of awareness or thinking deeper or become more conscious? So, so if I’m like in a well oiled machine right now, because my kids are little. So how, how do you help clients, especially when they don’t see it yet, they haven’t had the wake-up call yet. So, but I think it’s important to point it out. So what will be your advice? How do we cultivate a consciousness? Terry: I think part of it is that feeling of being stuck and asking you how’s that working for you? Why that feeling? Where does that come from? So you’ve obviously come to me because you feel stuck. Right. Terry: And yes, you’re an absolute machine, but let me ask you, you know, how’s your relationship with your husband? How’s your relationship with your boss? When’s the last time you took, you know, took an initiative to do something different, you know, who do you want to be as a mom? Who do you want, how do you want your relationship to be with your kids? Is this it? And often, yeah. Sometimes. Sure. Okay. But often it’s that when that’s, when the light bulb goes off, it’s like, you know, I want my kids to be able to talk to me about things and not be just looking at this schedule and thinking, okay, well, you know, we have two hours in the car and we’re going to have to have these conversations. Then I want to be approachable by my children. And if this situation, whether it’s the job or whatever it is, isn’t working, chances are good. Terry: There’s some symptoms where you’ll get that notification. So for example, you know, my kids, I have, my boys are 18 and 20. Okay. they often I would have to have a, like a red flag moment, which is like, when they get called to the principal’s office or they are doing something completely out of character for what I think they do, and they’re doing it for attention, they’re doing it for whatever it could be. Right. they’re not feeling, they are feeling that there’s a disconnect between me and them and therefore they don’t feel they can talk to me about something often with parents, it is a red flag, like self-harm or getting in trouble or breaking the law or something like there’s with kids, for example. And not always, I mean, you know, every kid is different, but sometimes it’s just a conversation that happens at dinner that you’re like, Whoa, hang on a second here, something isn’t right. Terry: And then you realize, well, I do, I have realized in those moments that I’m not as connected as I think I am, or I want to be. And, and oftentimes it’s simply who do I want to be when I think about my relationships, when I think about who I want to be as an entrepreneur who I want to be as managing director, when I, you know, that whole concept of writing your own eulogy and what you want people to remember you for and what you want member to people to, you know, I don’t want people to remember me for having dinner on the table at time on time. That’s not how I want to be remembered. Right. Sze Wing: And that you can look for news at night. Terry: It’s usually, you know, I do not want my eulogy to say, wow, she’s super efficient Terry: Super effective at her job. I want them to know that I made them feel good and I want, and that I was fun and that I that’s what I want. Like they wanted my opinion on things. They felt that I was important to them and made them feel important. That’s what I want. And so when I think about my clients, a lot of the time they feel stuck. They don’t know why, sometimes they know why, before I started working specifically with entrepreneurs, I would be working with people. I had a whole program working with cancer survivors because I’m a cancer survivor myself. And Terry: There’s always everybody that I’ve spoken to. That’s a cancer survivor that has gone on to do something great. Generally, there’s the moment where they’re like, wow, that life, that person, that, who, that I was, I don’t want that anymore. I’m going to move forward into some other direction. And I have a really good friend. Her name is Jody. She’s one of the executive members of “Be More You” the purpose project. She talks about howwe get on these eight lane highway, Sze Wing: The ways of existence. Terry: So we go on autopilot. You know, our patterns are our ways. We interact with people. They become so ingrained with us. They become like an eight lane highway. And generally when we feel stuck, if we want something different, that’s not on that eight lane highway. We have to hack a path through the bush with a machete to try to get to what we want. And then it takes a long time of rewiring those neural pathways to get to where that goat path is a trail. And it becomes more of a habit. Like it’s about creating new habits and creating new ways of being that service. And so a lot of the times with my coaching clients, it’s like, well, how’s that working for you? And if it’s not, what do you want to change? Are you creating the experience that you want for life right now? Terry: Because if we always have a choice in everything that we do, which I strongly believe that we don’t have a choice of what happens to us, but we have a choice how we react to it and move forward through it. If we’re always have choice, then we can change what our results are. We can say, okay. Yeah. I’m not creating the experience that I want. You know, like if I’m in a fight, if things aren’t good with one of my boys or with my husband or my mom, I can be like, wow, am I creating the experience that I want right now? No. Who do I want to be? What do I need to change? Because I can’t control them. I can only do what I say and do an act how I am. Sze Wing: And I love that highway analogy because sometimes we try so hard to get on the fast lane, so to speak so we can get to the end quicker. But then it’s like, so what’s the book. Would it be more interesting or maybe more eventful? Occasionally take those highway exit, have a little detour and look at what’s on offer, maybe a little town here, maybe a little ocean view there and then get on the highway. And then we would still get to where we want to be. Terry: Yeah. When I was sick, I, that was my detour. And it was an unintended detour. It was like that when the GPS glitches, right. You go in off completely different direction. And what happens. It’s like I go back when I went back to work, I realized that something had shifted in me. It’s like a classic movie line, you know, like finding Nemo, right. We all want to stay safe. And in finding Nemo, where the dad Marlin, he wants to keep everybody safe on the reef. Right. And then there’s this big adventure. And then you go back and you’re like, Oh, okay. I’m a different person now, Sze Wing: But if you don’t do it, you, you may regret. And the thing is that we don’t have that 360 view. We don’t have the full picture. All we see is the immediate next step. But sometimes if your heart tells you, you got to jump, then you, I mean, obviously you take educated guests or you prepare yourself, I think it is a scary thing, but it’s important. And I think when you talk about in one of the articles you wrote, it’s called “What’s like the next 30 years”. And I think when you ask that question, then it becomes an invitation to think a little bit bigger than your immediate step. So just like actually what you said before, who do you want to be? How do you want you to be perceived by the people you love around you? And that’s actually directly the question of what do you want your next 30 years look like? I love that article, but tell us a little bit about, because it’s a story related to your father and you were turning 46 or something, and then next 30 years to look like? Terry: Okay. So my, I lost my dad when he was 76, which was only two years ago. And it was actually a part of becoming the unstuck duck. It was kind of the time when I was in the middle of a big change in my life and he got sick. And so I wrote, I was, so Tim McGraw is a country singer and he writes a song. He wrote a song on his 30th birthday. Actually, I think he probably just sang it. It was somebody else must’ve written it, but maybe not. I don’t know. But anyway, it talks about, you know, in my next 30 years, I’m going to do things differently and better than in my first 30 years. And I had this moment where the music came on, the song came on. And I was thinking about my next 30 years. Terry: It wasn’t a birthday of mine. It just happened to be that. I was 46 at the time. And I was like, Oh, well, 30 years from now, I’ll be the same age as my dad and my grandma when they passed away. And I had this moment where I was like, you know, my next 30 years, I can be intentional about what I want, who I want to be, how I, who I want to engage with, who do I want to help? Not necessarily creating a bucket list. Like, Ooh, I want to go bungee jumping and I need to jump out of a plane. I’m not going to do any of those things. Cause I don’t want to do those things. That’s not part of my who I want to be. Terry: It’s not what I want to do. When I think about a bucket list, I think more about, you know, places I want to see and things I want to do. To me, I want to be the parent to my grown children where like I want my guys to find spouses that want to engage with me. Like they want to have me as part of their life. Like, I don’t want to be that mother-in-law, that’s like, this is yeah, exactly. Like, and really looking and going, you know, with every step I take with every intentional space I take up, I have the opportunity to make a difference in this world, whether it’s, you know, bigger little, I just actually wrote there was a quote, just I posted this morning on my page. It was in Napoleon Hill. It was about if you can’t do great things, then do small things. Terry: And I love that quote because I think about, you know, I’m not going to necessarily change the world every day, but I have the opportunity to make a difference with every interaction that I make. I like to think about my ideal me some coaches. And in fact, I have a book that I’ve read called Playing Big by Tara Mohr. And that book changed my life completely. But she has a meditation that you go kind of forward 20 years and meet 20 year from now, you write and really visualize where does she live? What does she do? What is she wearing? What type of wisdom does she have to protect to give to me, give to you? And I think about me in 20 years, who I want to be 20 years of not a long time. Terry: It sounds like a long time, but I remember very clearly having a four month old. And I didn’t feel like that was a long time ago. Oh gosh. It amazes me that, you know, that’s only 18 birthdays until they can vote. Well, here in Canada, I don’t know how old she can be to vote down there, but like it’s only, that’s not a lot. And it goes by really fast. So in every moment that I have, where I have the choice of who I want to be, I, I can look and say, okay, well, I mean, even, you know, I was hungry the other day and I was like, okay, well I could drive through and get a big Mac, but does that get me to the healthy version of me that I want to be? No. Terry: Does it make me feel good after? Does it get me closer to who it is that I want to be? No. And that’s my, that’s my question is that, you know, who is it that I want to be and does this decision that I’m making right now, if I’m going to, you know, cut off somebody in traffic and flip, them a bird and you know, be angry, is that who I want to be? No, no, it’s not. So I have the choice to cut those things out of my life and those actions that I do. Sze Wing: Yeah. It’s beautiful because I think, well, you touched on the point if you want to play big or do something big and great. Actually. You kind of need to look at the small day-to-day , moment by moment, decision by decision to be who you all want to be in a 30 years time. Like you say, the healthier you are, the small decision is a big Mac or a healthy sandwich. It may be a small thing, but if you look at moment by moment, that’s when someone becomes great. I don’t think Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. Started out as an icon, no, it’s moment by moment, step by step. So I think it makes a lot of sense. And what you say, and you know, one of the blog you wrote was living life with purpose, and purpose is a muscle that needs to be exercise. First of all, we need to train them as muscles. And this is exactly what it is when you are conscious, when you try to make the right decision moment by moment, that’s your training wheels. Terry: Yeah. It’s you don’t become a marathon runner in an overnight. It takes a lot of training and that goat path is not going to become an easy eight lane highway to a new way, without some work, without some intention, without some appreciation for the failures and for the moments that you’ve slipped, that you’re, that’s all data like, you’re just collecting data. Whenever something happens that doesn’t go according to your plan, it’s like, Oh, okay. So that’s not going to work. I can take that off of the list of things that I might try. And, you know, it’s just, when I talk about living life with purpose on purpose it is it’s a day to day intention. It’s a day-to-day moment. And, and we can, we can float like a cork in the ocean if we want letting light, you know, sway us from side to side or we can be like, Hey, you know what, this is not what I want. Terry: This is what I want. I’m going to move forward towards what it is that I want. And I think a lot of the times we’re ingrained to think that it’s selfish to do what you want. We have this thing of, you know, Oh yeah. Always gets what he wants. And we say like, Oh yeah, well of course, you’re going to get what you want. And when children are little, it feels like they’re a bit spoiled when they get what they want. But entitled, that makes no sense to me. Right? If I want to be 150 pounds, I don’t know if you go in pounds or kilos, if I want to be healthy, let’s say that then why would I accept, expect that I can be healthy like that if I’m not currently doing with things. Terry: And when I work with my entrepreneur clients, you know, they have this idea of I’m going to either arrive, like I’m successful. I have arrived. Well, there’s a lot of stuff you got to do between now and getting successful. There’s like, you know, write that blog post to get that feedback, get a review. You might get a review and then be like, Oh my God. And then change something about your program because of that review. And then maybe you might try changing that, review that because of that review and realized that that review was just somebody’s opinion. And that doesn’t matter to you. It’s all data. It’s all just figuring it out. And we’re all just figuring it out one step at a time. Every one of us. Sze Wing: Yeah. It’s true. And I really agree that you said, you can want what you want, as long as you’re not just feeling entitled because you, you do need to pick your action. You need to learn that no matter what you do, there will be critics. They will be people who love your work and yes, you know, write more for those people because they support the work and they appreciate your work. But those who criticize you, you need to look at the criticism is that maybe 90% is based on untrue facts, but what is the 10% that actually even 1% can help you to improve and do better. We should look at it instead of just dismiss it. And it’s about learning from all of this rather than, mou know, turning away and not looking at it as an opportunity. Terry: Because often times what’s super interesting to me is that first of all, everybody has an opinion, right? And sometimes those people are not my ideal client. Yes. So why am I trying to please them? They’re not my people. And I had the situation actually, where I had a program that I offered. And then I got a bunch of feedback from different places. It was not just the people that did, but the people that wanted something different. And I was like, okay, I’ll implement all these changes and make it different. One of the pieces was the first program. I did it in the morning. And in the second one, I did it in the evening because people were like, I want one, but I work and I want to have one in the evening. Terry: And I want your time in the evening, it took me doing one of the calls to realize that I’m not an evening person. I’m not going to be at my best at that time of day. And it took, I had to continue. And what was it funny? Another piece of the advice or feedback that I got was that it was too short. So I did a one month. And so it was too short. So I did my second one as six weeks in the evening. So not only, not only did I change, like I changed the mboth. And then I was like, Oh my God. Now I have to spend six weeks learning this lesson. You need to do you. And I had that moment where I was like, wow, you know, I realized that I needed to learn that. And all of, all of that learning has made me go, okay, you know what, my next one’s going to be in the morning again. Terry: It was the people that wanted in the evening that came to the morning. They have the same thing where they’re like, Oh, I’m so tired. Sze Wing: I was like, okay, here we are Terry: It was super funny. But you know, that’s, that’s how we learn. And, and I think as entrepreneurs and particularly women entrepreneurs, we are shaped back to your original question. We are shaped by how our experts went by others. People’s expectations by our social conditioning. And then by the expectations that we create around all the things that we’ve learned in our life. So the context that we have about entrepreneurship and what it should be like classic is the idea that, you know, you have to work your off. Like you have to be burning the candle at both ends and busting your butt and making, you know, that’s not true. Sze Wing: All like being everything to everyone, Terry: Nobody can be happy or unhappy. Like everybody has to be happy. It’s like, none of that is true. We have this, these contexts around it where it’s like, actually, you know what you can do. What makes you happy? If you don’t like writing, get someone else to do your writing. If you don’t, if you don’t want to go live on Facebook, Sze Wing: Don’t go live on Facebook. Terry: If you don’t want to have a podcast, don’t have a podcast. Do what fuels your work. Sze Wing: Yeah. Terry: And the people that want to be part of your business are going to be there, right? Because if you don’t want to do a Facebook live, because you’re really bad at it, the people that are watching you do a really bad Facebook live, What, how did that happen? Who won in that situation? And, and, and what is it? You know, so it’s just, and I’m not saying don’t try and do something new and muddy, Sze Wing: To be honest, I think what is that at the beginning that you got? Terry: Yeah. If you want to have a break in the evening, don’t do a program in the evening. Sze Wing: I think this is the perfect time to wrap it up to let people know that, come back to what you have experienced and learned and done, which is, you know, be who you really are and be aware of that. And and moment by moment that build up to a life that is on purpose. And hopefully you become the person who you, who you really want to be. Terry: Ultimately you’re the one that you live with. Sze Wing: Yes. Right. And because you cannot divorce yourself Terry: And we could go through life making choices that make us miserable, and then that’s on us. And sometimes we get really attached to our story, our misery story. Like we get really attached to why we’re, you know, so victim or you know, we get really attached to those stories because we get something out of it. Right. We get the pity or we get the experience or we get whatever it is, you know? We get to be right. Sometimes it’s just that.But there’s always a consequence to that. You know, you say your friend, your happiness and fulfilment is at stake. And at some point it would be, At some point we get to choose ourselves. Sze Wing: Now, what do you want, do you want more, like people identify with your pain and your suffering and your injustice, or do you want to be more identified with happiness, fulfilment, daring wholeheartedness and make a few mistakes, but have a great laugh about it. Yeah, Terry: Exactly. People will appreciate that more and you will be way happier. Sze Wing: I think this is a perfect place to wrap up this podcast. I’m so happy that we have this conversation. I think we dive really deep into something that can really change someone’s perspective on what’s important and how do we live on purpose in the next 30 years? So now if people want to connect with you, what were you or maybe learn more about your coaching program and coaching work? Where’s the best way to find you online? Terry: Well, you can find me at www.unstuckduck.Ca because I’m in Canada. I’m also on Facebook and Instagram at unstuck duck. And just reach out or info at unstuckduck.ca. You can email me. Sze Wing: I will have the links on my blog post and the details on the podcast as well. So thank you so much, Terry. It’s wonderful. And well, I, I’m really excited to share this interview and hopefully I think it will be like in a couple of months because I’m so ahead of this, but I think it will be perfect for people actually also thinking about what’s important for them next year. What’s the new intention. I don’t really do new year resolution, but I like new year plans or intention, and what’s to look forward to in the next year. So thank you so much for your time today. Terry: No problem. Thanks for having me.
40 minutes | Mar 18, 2021
100. Yoga and The Art of Balance: Interview with Rebecca Barrett
I am super thrilled to release this podcast episode as marks the number 100 episodes of my #ConversationsThatMatter podcast. My guest in this episode is Rebecca Barrett, my yoga teacher who has completely changed my attitude towards yin yoga. I started her classes just 6 weeks after I gave birth to my second child (baby Noah) and I absolutely love her style of teaching, which always involves an aspect of yogic philosophy in the mix. If you are interested to know more about yoga, how it helps us to connect our body and mind, and perhaps most importantly, how to be a life long preparer for whatever comes in life, you’d love this episode! Highlights Sometimes when you meditate or when you practise mindfulness, it’s like you’re preparing yourself for the worst day of your life. You’re preparing yourself for these hard times when they happen, be it COVID or personal circumstances. It is about being a “life-long preparer”. The word yoga means union or to yoke. It is connecting the mental and the physical. So by use of the breath, you’re connecting your mind with your body. Yogic philosophy, storytelling and why it is so powerful in a Yoga Calm class Yoga on a micro-level is the “here and now” on your body, and on a macro-level, it is about how it relates to our life and mind. Learning how to be comfortable by being in the uncomfortable space (both body and mind) i.e. The practice of discomfort and just being okay with that. We’re all looking for what makes us happy, and we’re all trying to avoid suffering. But we often have different ideas of what’s going to make us happy when compare to reality. The tension between “just push a little harder” and “letting go”, when to stop pushing but releasing the tension, to surrender – that’s the art of balancing. (both in holding a pose and in life!) We often store different emotions and memories in our body. And so by coming into difficult yoga poses, it can help those emotions kind of move through us because it’s all about mindfulness and self-observation. You don’t have to believe all of your thoughts. Your thoughts are not facts. You can just choose what you want to do with your thoughts. What if every single thing that is happening to us is for our spiritual awakening? So everything, in a way, is a lesson to help us to get to where we are meant to be. Spirituality and productivity are not mutually exclusive, in fact, with a clearer mind with better focus, we can accomplish more things and be better at doing them! Intentions for 2021: Acceptance and letting go of control, not thinking how things could be different or how to fix things but appreciating what we already have or things are already here. If you would like to know more about Rebecca and her yoga classes, you can find her on the following social media handles: Facebook Instagram At the time of recording this episode (2021), she teaches at BodyMindLife, Be One Yoga and FitnessPlayground in Sydney. https://youtu.be/3r49ka0XTnw Transcript Sze Wing: Hi, everyone. I’m really excited to introduce my guest today. Today with me here is Rebecca Barrett. She’s my yoga teacher. I met her in my yoga studio. And I’m really excited to do this podcast because I think, if I’m not wrong, this is going to be my # 100 episode. So it’s a bit of a celebration for my side. And I think a lot of topics that we talked about in class and here today will be quite fitting for this celebration. So welcome, Rebecca. Rebecca: Hi. How are you? Sze Wing: I’m great. And so as we are recording this, this is just the beginning of 2021, so we just have a new start of the year. And I thought this is quite exciting, because we have been having a very crazy year, and I’m sure we are going to dive into a little bit more about it for our listeners, who are most likely to be interested in some sort of health and wellbeing related topics. And yoga is the big one, so I think today’s conversation, hopefully, it is going to inspire people to do probably healthier things or look after themselves better for 2021, given the year we had. So little short introduction. So Rebecca is a yoga teacher. And before she found yoga, I believe you had a very stressful job, an unfilling job, as a lawyer. And so you were inspired by the tangible, physical benefits of yoga, but then later on more the mental part of it as well, which we’re going to talk about. And I was really amazed by your over 1700 plus hours of teacher training. That sounds like a lot of hours. So– Rebecca: Yeah, I got a little bit addicted to just learning more, yeah. Sze Wing: But I can relate to it because once you become interested in something, you just want to learn more and more and more. And I can tell– Rebecca: Keep going, exactly. Sze Wing: Yeah, she uses it in her classes, because I can feel this new, I don’t know, every now and then when you come back from time off. So she’s very experienced, and I love her classes. And one of the things that really got me really wanting to invite Rebecca to my show is that she often talks about more the mental parts of yoga, which a lot of people maybe first started, like you and I, the physical part, but later on, the mental part, which I always found very interesting. It’s like a mini–, not lecture; lecture sounds very formal, but mini discussion or talk during the class, which I love. So that’s why we have you here today. So, it is a long introduction in a way, but welcome. Rebecca: Thank you. Sze Wing: So this is the beginning of the year, and hopefully, we will set the tone, positive, and hopeful for this year, because it has been a crazy year last year, 2020, with the pandemic, so. And I know that I definitely want to ask Rebecca about what’s the meaning of yoga for her, but actually, kind of sometimes spontaneous, but I was wondering before coming on today that obviously you’ve been practising yoga for a number of years; and with 2020 being challenging for many people for many different reasons, how did you find yoga help you navigating the year? I could imagine that I will be very different if I don’t have my yoga or meditation practice to sort of ground me or centre me. So for you, or from your perspective, how did yoga help you to navigate in 2020? Rebecca: Yeah. I mean, it definitely helped. I’ve heard my meditation teacher say before that sometimes when you meditate or when you practise mindfulness. It’s like you’re preparing yourself for the worst day of your life. You’re preparing yourself for when these hard times happen. So yeah. In all of the times that you’re doing well in your life, it’s good to keep up the practise so that if things do kind of fall apart you can have that practise to lean on for support. And, like I also had a bit of a tough time this year for sure. I stopped working. Obviously, with the lockdown, there was a good few months that I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to keep being a yoga teacher. And I noticed, yeah, I needed to practise what I preached in a way. Because for a while I was feeling really down and I wasn’t practising yoga, I wasn’t meditating, and then I could see that was really affecting my mental health. So yeah. It’s sort of developing the skill as a preparation for when the hard times come, I think. Yeah. Sze Wing: I can relate. I remember I didn’t have a long career in, sort of, dancing, so I did amateur dance competing and Latin dance for a few years with my team, but I remember a lot of times that you practise, and practise, and practise. It’s not just that one day of performance but someone may randomly ask you to dance and then you kind of have it in you. It’s the same, isn’t it, that you practise the mindfulness or– Rebecca: You’ve got the habit. Rebecca: The habit. And then– Sze Wing: You’ve got those good habits. Sze Wing: –suddenly in the chaos you can find your feet and ground yourself. So tell me a little bit more about, first of all, what drew you to yoga and becoming a yoga teacher, and piggyback on that, what’s the meaning of yoga for you? Because, for me, I know that for all these years I’ve been practising as a student, for me, it’s really finding the union between my body and mind. It’s about balance and that sort of thing for me. I feel good after yoga class, but what does yoga mean to you and how did you come into this journey or this path? Rebecca: Yeah. So yoga is a really ancient practise and the way that it sort of caught on in the West, the West really emphasises the yoga poses and the physical aspects of the practise. But yeah, the word yoga, it means union or to yoke. So connecting the mental and the physical. So by use of the breath, you’re connecting your mind with your body. And for me, and I think for a lot of people, when you first start getting into yoga it’s just for the physical reasons because yoga’s great at improving your flexibility and improving your strength and balance and all of these things. But then the more that you practise it you can notice little, subtle shifts mentally. I just kind of noticed that I felt so great after each class. And it wasn’t the same as doing any other form of physical exercise. There was just a little bit more to it. And I just sort of noticed a shift mentally as well. And now I would say I’m probably more interested in the mental mindfulness aspect of yoga than the physical, but it started off as physical for me. I think I heard before that if you’re already into kind of spirituality and meditation and then you practise yoga, that can help you connect to the physical side. A lot of people might be a bit disconnected from their body. But then if you are already connected to your body but you don’t necessarily have the spiritual side then yoga can help that as well. So whatever you kind of need more of yoga can kind of balance that out. Yeah, it kind of gives you what you need. So, yeah. I’m not sure if that answers the question but then just sort of how I came across yoga, it was when I was working as a lawyer and I was really miserable, I just didn’t like the job at all. In hindsight, I think I just kind of studied law because my parents were lawyers and so it was just sort of something that I wanted to follow. But then, as I started working, I just couldn’t believe that this was going to be my life from now on and I just felt really miserable. So I was sort of going to yoga as much as I could – before I went to work and then after I went to work – and it just really helped me just deal with the stress of my job that I didn’t like. And then, when I did finally quit my job, I took a while, sort of, to think about, well, what am I interested in and what am I good at? And because I sort of did gymnastics as a teenager, the poses kind of came to me pretty quickly and so, yeah, that was sort of what made me decide. It wasn’t sort of a dream to become a yoga teacher, it was more that it was just the timing. That I was looking for something to do with my life and then I realised this was what I was really interested in. Sze Wing: It’s interesting because I thought you were obviously doing yoga while you were in the job and then you make the transition that way but, actually, you quit the job and like regardless, isn’t it? But they say when the teacher is ready the student will appear and the student’s ready the teacher will appear. So I’m sure they kind of work in a holistic timeline where when you have the space and you think about what could be your next career then you just say, “Huh, maybe yoga?” The thing is, there’s yoga teacher and yoga class, there’s yoga teacher and yoga class. So yours for me was quite different. I mean, I wanted to interview you because of the elements that you brought into class. Obviously, you think about some of the concepts or what yoga has brought to you, not just the physical benefits, per se. You talk about, say, letting go or be mindful, watch your thoughts and they may not be always true, or that may not be really you, various topics. So obviously, I suppose, that could be a transition time or transformation but when you first started– I mean, what got you really becoming a teacher? Did you find out that, “Actually, I really like teaching,” after a while. Or, how did it work? Because you like, “Okay. I stopped working. What do I want to do?” And to become what you are now seems like you have been teaching for a long time. You come across really experienced. How did this happen? Rebecca: I think it’s just from all the different teachers and mentors that I’ve had. So I’ve been teaching for about five years now and, like I said, when I first did my teacher course, it was a very physical practice, which I still am. I’m very interested in sequencing, and I’m very interested in anatomy, and when people have breakthrough moments and they realise that their body is capable of more than they thought. But then, yeah, I guess because I’ve done some courses in yoga philosophy, and I explored lots of different teachers that I like, and I’ve realised that with certain spiritual messages or lessons, we can be a lot more receptive to them after we’ve been moving our body around or if we’re in stretch or that kind of thing rather than, say, you were going to go to a talk and you would just arrive there and you would sit in a chair and you would listen. A lot of what the people are saying doesn’t land as much, so again it’s just this mind-body connection. That if you’re using this meditative practice of moving your body around to put you in a meditative state, then, when you can, yeah, add little suggestions that come from yogic philosophy or spirituality. People remember it a lot more – you just listed a whole bunch of things from my classes – that it sticks more that way. So yeah, it sort of has come from– one of my teachers was telling me about how useful storytelling is and now that’s sort of become a really big part of my class, because I can see that, yeah, again, it just sticks in people’s heads. Little stories that can help you to remember things and yeah, so. Sze Wing: Yeah, and for those who don’t know, one of the great examples is that Rebecca teaches Yoga Calm or some people will, maybe in some other places, they call yoga a Yin Yoga class where you hold a posture for longer. So she has two special weapons. One is that she started with some warmup [laughter] /so we didn’t just go straight into Yin long-haul posture. So that’s great because I think we all need a little bit of movement first before we can calm down, which I think it works mentally as well. The second is that she tends to tell a story, and so you forget about the time instead of saying, “Oh, is it three minutes yet?” Then you kind of listen to the story, and then she takes a pause between the first and second part of the story then you’re like, “Oh, okay,” then you turn to the other side [laughter]. And I think that was really great because sometimes it’s quite uncomfortable in certain poses in Yin Yoga, but she kind of distracts us. So that’s your secret weapon, isn’t it [laughter]? Rebecca: It is a bit, yeah. Or also just sort of having– yoga is often– you talk about something that’s happening on a microlevel, so something that’s happening right now in your body in a physical way, and then relating it to a macro level, so relating it to something that you can bring into your day or into your life. So I liked having that in my classes as well. Sze Wing: Yeah, that’s why I feel like you’re going for a meal. You get the physical and the mental aspect which was really wonderful. That’s why I think that’s– I mean, I hated Yin Yoga for all these years until I started your class because I think it’s a very different approach. But what would– Rebecca: Well, it is just– if you’re not used to sitting still for a long time, it’s very difficult for people to just sit still for five minutes out of the blue in a stretch into that. Sze Wing: Yeah, and when we were talking, one of the things I thought of the theme of 2020, it’s about being in an uncomfortable space. With the pandemic where you may be in lockdown, depends where you live. We may not be able to see our friends and family or go to town or have a drink or eat dinner with a bunch of people, whatever that is. Or some people they love to travel, they couldn’t. Like us, we couldn’t visit our overseas family. So I think all of us are sitting in this very uncomfortable place and some people suffer more, like loss of job or illness, of course. But different levels, different humanity, we can’t really compare. But I felt taking yoga classes, so doing mindfulness or spiritual practices, just like what you said at the beginning, it helped us to prepare. And I felt that last year was a lot of uncomfortableness, different kinds. And it just reminded me of the Yin Yoga class and last year and being in that space. So what do you think about– what did you learn from 2020 in that sense? Rebecca: Well, yeah. You’ve just put it in the– yeah, you’ve just said it exactly. So it’s sort of the idea of the micro and the macro. So in the microlevel, maybe you’re just holding a Yin pose and it’s feeling very uncomfortable for you. And so then you’re just noticing, “What are my thought processes going on here?” And maybe it might be, “Oh, I shouldn’t have come to yoga today. Oh, what am I doing? How many minutes has it been? How much longer?” And then you can sort of practise this acceptance and, yeah, just kind of letting go. And, you know what? Yes, it feels uncomfortable but what if I got a little bit more curious about that discomfort. Is it constant or does it kind of come and go in waves? And also just to be able to focus on your breath and to know that it has an end, that it’s not going to go on forever. And then you can relate exactly that to the year of 2020 and just things that you’re going through. You’re like, “All right. Well, I can survive this. I can focus on my breath, that’s something that’s under my control, and it will have an end eventually.” And so yeah, I think that’s exactly right. The practice of discomfort and just being okay with that. Letting things just pass through. Sze Wing: All that shall pass. Rebecca: Yeah, exactly. Sze Wing: No matter how long a Pigeon is [laughter]. One of the things I thought about before the show was that – and especially after talking to you just a few minutes in – how surprised you were that you eventually became a yoga teacher? Because I’m getting a sense that you probably studied law and you probably are quite analytical. I don’t know how to describe it, maybe some people would say left-brain driven or very much [to?] and very logical, practical. And I think in my first book, I talk about a [thin?] archetype, it seems to quite fit that bill. You probably tick all the boxes, do all the work, so that– it’s kind of, in a way, a lot of lawyers seem to have that archetype. Obviously, there are some [inaudible] on the [inaudible] otherwise you wouldn’t say you didn’t like that profession. So were you surprised that you actually became a yoga teacher, looking back, or you think there’s always been in that [crosstalk] [laughter]? Rebecca: Yeah, well I’ve definitely changed a lot. Oh, can you hear me okay? You just paused. Sze Wing: Yes, yes. Rebecca: You can hear me? Sze Wing: Yes. Rebecca: Yeah, I’ve just definitely changed a lot since I’ve been a yoga teacher. If you were to meet me when I was a lawyer, I was just, yeah, completely different. But I think it’s just sort of we’re all looking for what makes us happy, and we’re all trying to avoid suffering. But we often have different ideas of what’s going to make us happy. And then for me, I just realised that a lot of things in my life that I thought were making me happy actually were not making me happy, so having a fancy, high-status job, or I used to drink a lot of alcohol and party. And yeah, I just kind of took a big look at my life and, yeah, I just kind of tried things out, just kind of used myself as a guinea pig just to see. And yeah, there’s definitely stressful things about becoming a yoga teacher. It’s a lot less money, so you have to really get used to just living a different kind of life. But because I’m so much happier now, yeah, it comes easily. Rebecca: But I still do have that side of my personality there. I know when I first started studying yoga I was quite resistant to a lot of the spirituality stuff because I was a very evidence-based person, and I wouldn’t have really actually described myself as spiritual, even though now I really am. And I think I just have to look out for those aspects of my personality too where it’s sort of like– say mediation, for example. I don’t want to just be good at meditating; I want to be the best meditator. But then that’s just so silly, because it’s only a fight with yourself. It’s sort of, “Oh, I want to do all of these sort of silent meditation retreats and get even better,” and it’s almost like, “I want to be the best at relaxing,” or something. It just doesn’t really– it doesn’t really work. But I know that I still have that side of my personality, that Type A that just– Rebecca: –pushes myself a little bit too far. Sze Wing: It kind of makes you have so much to teach. I mean, what you just said is actually extremely funny, like the best at relaxing. I mean, this is great, because many of us may have that problem as well. And I know that you often talk about telling people maybe today you’re more flexible or stronger or whatever, that you can do this pose easily, but tomorrow or yesterday, not the case. And I do think that sometimes we try very hard, even in yoga class. And obviously, you’re supposed to put in effort to an extent, but I often find it’s a very interesting topic, this tension and balance between trying hard and letting go. And it’s almost that– I mean, the surrendering, it’s important, but then part of us say, “Well, if you don’t try hard and if you don’t, not necessarily push too hard, but put in effort to earn your spot, then you surrender; maybe you’re just giving up.” That dynamic, it can be helpful. Sze Wing: [crosstalk] balance, yeah. Rebecca: This sitting on this tension is like sitting on this balancing pivot where it’s an art form, because part of it you kind of need to– if you want to accomplish, if you want to do unbalancing, you have to, I guess, do some strength to strengthen your core, your arm. You know better, But then if you let go, you cannot let yourself legs up in the air, right? Rebecca: Well, yeah, a lot of the time I can just kind of tell by people’s personalities. You kind of know what personality you have. So some people are the types of people that need to be pushed a little bit, like, “You can do this. If you just try, you’ll see that you can do this.” And then other people I can see that they’re wanting too much before they’re ready, that they have to slow it down. But then yeah, it’s strange too because Yoga, it’s a bit contradictory because it shouldn’t be about the ego. It’s about letting go of your ego. But then there’s kind of so much ego to it about sort of achieving a pose. And what I’ve noticed now– when I first started doing yoga, all I wanted to do was to get all of these cool poses. That was my main aim. I was like, “These all look so cool. I want to be able to do all that.” And now that I can actually do it, I just don’t care about it, because you expect that something’s going to happen when you can do those poses, but nothing really happens, and so the poses are just a byproduct of the practice. The real practice is just connecting to your body, connecting to your breath, and making yourself feel better about your day, so. Yeah. Sze Wing: That’s really cool. I mean, it’s helpful for a lot of people listening that getting all the poses doesn’t really make you happy. And I know that some people– Rebecca: Not at all. Yeah. Sze Wing: –are quite intimidating. Like, some more experienced yogi may be doing all kinds of weird things at the front, and then some days that we may not be up for it or just not– [inaudible] some of the pose, you have to be kind of strong or well-balanced. I mean, it’s not easy. A lot of poses aren’t easy. But I find it quite– it’s quite interesting. And also for me, in the first few months when I joined your class, I just had a baby. So my body– I think I was okay and strong and fit. But then sometimes I may lift the baby in a weird angle and then my back is out. And it made no sense, right? I may pick up a cup and then suddenly I’m frozen. I cannot move. But then you reminded me, because the next day or next week when I come to class– so I came in and I realized I cannot touch my knee or my toes. Then you kind of realize how your ego was operating beforehand, because before, “Oh, I can touch my toes. That’s easy.” But now it’s like, “I can’t even reach my knee.” But then you become ever more appreciative or grateful for those days that I have no pain and ache that I can touch something. Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Injuries teach you a lot about yourself and about your body, I think. There’s definitely some blessing in disguise about injuries because you just learn about what your body is capable of, what it’s not capable of, and when to push and when to hold back, so. Yeah. Sze Wing: It’s an art, isn’t it? And another thing I notice about yoga, definitely there’s a lot of yin and yang aspects. So some poses are very – I mean, I don’t know; maybe I’m making this up – young in the sense that it’s about strength. It’s about maybe holding. It’s about building the fire. And then some of the poses are very much about staying, being fluid or flexible, more yin. So that’s a lot of– I found it interesting to think about the duality, that aspect in terms of yoga, but a lot of times in our life as well. I mentioned in a conversation– well, email a while back about one of the podcasts I listen to about spirituality and politics and [inaudible] our body. There’s this destruction before you can create, and sometimes maybe you have to remove the clutter before you can add new thing, create space. And at the same times that– sometimes we have to change our mindset. Maybe we need to empty or we need to stop doing what we used to do and then move into a new chapter. So what do you think about that, and how do you see it apply in your life? Do you see this yin and yang aspect maybe coming from yoga? Because I imagine you do a lot of things through the lens of thinking and the philosophy of that path. Rebecca: Yeah. I mean, letting go is often a big subject in my classes. So it comes up a lot in just all sorts of different ways, especially just in the physical sense that we often store different emotions and memories in our body. And so by coming into difficult yoga poses, it just can help those emotions kind of move through us. Yeah, and I guess yoga just really helps because it’s all about mindfulness and self-observation and that kind of thing. Yeah, like what you were saying before about a lot of the time, just from observing ourselves and observing our thoughts, we realise that a lot of the thoughts that we have, they’re not even our thoughts. They’re just messages that we’ve received. So it’s then the choice that we have is what we’re going to do with those thoughts. And that’s when we can just choose to sort of let them roll over us and just kind of move on with our day and not try to sort of take on negative energy. And I think the same thing can happen just in a yoga pose. You might attempt it, if it’s a really challenging one. Maybe you can do it, and maybe you can’t. And you just try to sort that and just move on to what’s next. So yeah, yoga, it’s a practice, and you don’t always need to be amazing at that practice to receive all of its benefits. So yeah, it’s a yin and yang, sort of push and pull thing. Sze Wing: And I’m mindful of the time, but there’s one question that I’ve often wanted to ask you. So what inspires you these days? I mean, how do you come up with all this rich content or teaching? I mean, I get it; there’s a sequence, but there are also ideas behind things. And so what inspires you to stay on? Where do you get your inspiration from? How can you keep yourself being creative in that sense? Rebecca: Yeah. Well, I’m always trying to stay connected to just different sources of inspiration and always reading different books and listening to different podcasts. But yeah, like I said, stories are my thing. So I’m often even just sometimes googling what are interesting Zen Buddhist stories that teach you a lesson, stories that have a lesson at the end of them? And then I try to kind of turn that into a class. But there’s a woman called Tara Brach, and she has a great podcast, and I get a lot of my ideas from her. Also from a guy called Joseph Goldstein. So he’s sort of a Buddhist meditation teacher, and his themes are really well-put. Well, if I was to recommend a book, my favourite book that really changed my life is called– I think we’ve talked about it at the end of a class as well, but it’s called The Untethered Soul, and it’s by a guy called Michael Singer. And that was sort of a big epiphany moment for me, because it just talks a lot about this voice in your head and how that voice is not you. And a lot of us are just so identified with that voice that we don’t even notice that it’s there, because we just think that it is us. And it was just so enlightening for me just to realise, “Well, okay. That’s a thought.” Or even I was just listening to a podcast today that says, “You don’t have to believe all of your thoughts. Your thoughts are not facts. You can just kind of choose what you want to do with them.” And then you can even sort of train yourself about the thoughts that you allow yourself to have, because we’re often just very harsh on yourself with lots of negative self-talk. And so I’m just kind of– I love learning about that, because that can just change the quality of your life so much, so. Sze Wing: Yeah, we had that conversation about Michael Singer, and I love his other book about his life story. Actually, I forgot the name. Oh, The Gratitude Experiment. Really about his [life star was?] fascinating Rebecca: The Surrender, was it? The Surrender Experience? Sze Wing: Experiment. Yeah. I found it quite– definitely a very interesting guy. How he put his thoughts into practice. Like how he really take the surrender to the next level [laughter], and I want to learn from his, but I think one more thing is that sometimes, even though we– when you make a commitment to surrender to something, even though you may not see why it’s relevant, or you may not like it, but he make the commitment to surrender. So he didn’t like people to pitch tents in his land, he just wanted to meditate by himself, but people came to him. He drew people. He attracted people. But then at the end, it turned out to be a very good thing, years later, but you may not have the full picture. But when we make the commitment to surrender, when we make the commitment to be mindful about our thoughts, sometimes we see the immediate benefit, I suppose, after a class, or even in a few moments if you meditate. But sometimes certain things are more long-term, like having this practice. You don’t see the full picture, but I think part of it is knowing you’ve just got to trust and keep going, and then it leads you somewhere [laughter]. Rebecca: Yeah. It’s like there’s another sort of yogic phrase which is like, “What if every single thing that is happening to us is for our spiritual awakening?” So everything, in a way, is a lesson, and you can kind of think of it in that way. That it’s all sort of meant to be because it got you to where you are, and yeah. I like that idea. Sze Wing: I found it very interesting that– is there some misconception now they’re thinking like spiritual people, or I don’t know, maybe they were branded like some yoga teachers, or some I don’t know, psychic reader, let’s just say. They’re very spiritual, but then they would be all woo-woo, and therefore not very productive, but I think I know enough spiritual teachers and yoga teachers, they’re actually very productive people. Like you listen to podcasts, you read obviously, and you bring in fresh concepts, material to the class. And I actually think that spiritual people can be highly productive people, because their head is a bit above water, so they [laughter] do the right thing, rather than doing all sorts of things to keep them busy, but nothing real [laughter]. Rebecca: Yeah. Well, I guess, I still just sort of have that lawyer side of me, as well, that’s always about being productive and getting things done. Sze Wing: But that’s what you think. And my observation is whether– the thing is that sometimes being productive doesn’t mean that you have to sit a certain amount of hours in a chair, but if your head and mind is clear, you produce things– maybe you read a book and immediately you have a very amazing lesson planned. But it may take people hours to dissect it, if they are not having that sort of mindfulness practice, or grounded, or I don’t know how to put it. But I actually think that a lot of this is actually making us more productive. I don’t know, but I found myself a lot more productive than I was years ago. Rebecca: Yeah. Well, I think it’s about just sort of staying curious, as well. I’m always just sort of seeing what’s out there that I can listen to, and using those things as ideas that could become a class, maybe. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Yeah. Sze Wing: So it’s like Elizabeth– oh, suddenly I forgot her last name– Rebecca: Is it Gilbert? Sze Wing: Yes. Gilbert. Staying curious. Forget about passion, because sometimes we’ll put too much pressure on the passion– Rebecca: Truly. Yeah. Sze Wing: Yes. Stay curious. Rebecca: That was a great book. Sze Wing: Yes. Yeah. And last word. It’s about 2021 now, we’ll just step into it. So if there’s anything that’s on your mind about bringing in the new year, or a new year dream, ideas, goals, kind words, what’s on your mind about 2021? Rebecca: Well, yeah, I think it has a lot to do with what we were talking about, and just sort of accepting, and not always trying to change things that are outside of your control. Yeah. I just spent New Year’s with a good friend of mine who’s also a yoga teacher, and we were talking about this quite a bit, and I think a lot of us are so busy thinking about how we want things to be different. So my intention is, this year, to want what I have. So to be really grateful for what’s already here in front of me. And of course, have goals, that’s great, but to not forget about how lucky I am to have what’s already here. Not thinking about how things could be different, and what I want to fix, and that kind of thing. So yeah, that’s my resolution. Sze Wing: Wow. That’s great. And that’s a great way to end our interview today. I think that’s really cool because we’re so outward-looking sometimes to say, “What’s the next best thing? Next level. Next goal. Dream board.” Just not to push ourselves into there, but thinking about what we have. Rebecca: It’s already here. Sze Wing: Yeah. It’s already here. Rebecca: Exactly. Sze Wing: I used to say, “Be grateful for what you have, and what you don’t have.” Because certain things you don’t want to have, but you only realise that, if you’re actually grateful for what you have [laughter]. Rebecca: Exactly. Yeah. Thinking about, “It could be much worse.” And yeah, so, we’re lucky. Sze Wing: Well, thank you so much for today. And I hope we’ll inspire some people to be more mindful. Whether that would be explore the yogi philosophy, or come to a class. So yeah, if people are curious about joining you for a class, where do you teach, and how could people get in touch with you? Like your social media for instance? Rebecca: Yeah. So I teach at Fitness Playground, at BodyMindLife, and B-1 Yoga, three different studios. And I guess, maybe, the best way would be Instagram, if you wanted to get in touch with me. And my user name is Beck_asana, so it’s B-E-C-K underscore A-S-A-N-A. It’s just sort of a play around with my name and a yoga pose, which is also called beckasana. So that’s why [laughter]. Sze Wing: Oh, I didn’t know that. That’s interesting. [laughter] Rebecca: Yeah. [laughter] Sze Wing: So thank you so much for today. Rebecca: You’re welcome. Sze Wing: And I hope you will have a great start to 2021. Rebecca: You too. And I’ll see you at the next yoga class.. [laughter] Sze Wing: Yeah. Sze Wing: See you there. Rebecca: Okay. Thank you
35 minutes | Jan 12, 2021
99. How to improve your creativity and productivity
If you are a multi-passionate person like me, someone who has several deep curiosities or interests in life, then staying in your lane will be challenging. To feel fulfilled, we must tend to our inner desire, but where is the time? Or further to that, how can we do it all? How can we channel our creativity fully? Perhaps you don’t consider yourself as a multi-passionate person but somehow you feel your life is stagnated or “stuck”. Then, you may also want to look at where are you expressing your creativity, if at all. What I’ve found is that when we get stressed in any area of our life, be it about work or family responsibilities, more often than not, we turn to things that can temporarily distract us from the overwhelming situation. The common thing most of us do is to scroll through our social media feeds or check out the news. Both can easily suck up all our spare time and fill up the tiny gaps in our life. As a result, there is no time or space for us to really dig deep or sit with the uncomfortable feelings about what is really going on in our life. Life seems so busy but we may not necessarily feel fulfilled or living with a clear purpose. We may be doing a lot of things, but they don’t necessarily matter all that much. To know what really matters or bring meaning to our life, we actually need to face the things we try to avoid. You may have guessed it by now – yes, we need to dip deeper and sit with those uncomfortable feelings. They can teach us what we need to know. Stillness Is The Key When we get still, the chatter in our mind gets louder but we also become more aware that they are in fact, chatter. They are thoughts that may not be true or important. From there, we are one step closer to realise what matters and need our attention. To become more self-aware and listen to our inner being are part of engaging with our feminine energy. Feminine energy emphasis on being intuitive, adaptive, receptive, reflective and creative. When we become more aware and conscious, next is about harnessing the practice. For this week’s podcast, I would like to focus on two key elements in embracing our feminine energy. Creativity When we are deliberate about living and embracing our feminine energy, it is inevitable that we want to channel our creativity or expressing our inner potentials. It is like a flower that is destined to blossom. You may feel drawn to draw, paint, dance, sing, write, make or innovate things, whichever creative avenue you choose, it acts as a conduit for us to express that creative energy. Not only it is vitalising for our spirit, but it also brings us new insights about ourselves. Carl Jung wrote about how our subconscious always seeks ways to express itself to our conscious mind. There is so much literature out there to support the benefits of creative practices and creativity is one of the most talked-about and sort after skills in recruitment. If you feel you need a lift for your mood, think about something you would like to do that is in some ways expressing your creative energy, no matter how unconventional that may be. Self-Reflection It goes without saying that self-reflection is an important part of personal growth. However, it is always easier if we have tools to give us structure or help us to create space for that purpose. That’s why journaling, free-writing and meditation are great tools for that. It doesn’t come easy for many of us to know how we really feel. Personally, I love using some kind of inspirational journal that prompted me to think or write down my thoughts. I also follow the moon cycle as my energy as well as the planetary energy change accordingly throughout the month. Some days are best for going out and connecting with people, but other days it suits me better to retreat, reflect and recharge my energy. I find it extremely useful by planning my month of creative work by following the moon cycles. I feel more in sync with the rhythm of the universe and much more empowered. That’s why I’ve created my Goddess Planner 2021 for this exact reason. I wanted to have a tool that helps me to reflect, and at the same time, to become more effective and productive with my work. I couldn’t find anything that is both a highly practical weekly and monthly planner that comes with To-Do lists and habit tracker. At the same time, it includes a moon calendar or body and mind “check-in” that require writing space for journaling. I also wanted something that is colourful and beautiful. So eventually that need or desire became my creative outlet. I was lead to create this planner not just as a business product, but from my inner calling to channel out that feminine creative energy. So what is your creative outlet? What do you love to do? Spirituality and Productivity When we are more in-tuned with our body and mind, we function better as well. When we don’t do things that waste our time, or know what is urgent and important, it is natural for us to become more productive and feeling more alive. For me, using my planner/journal is a form of self-care and spiritual practice, it makes me feel good and I’d do better work. There is a wide misconception that being spiritual means less practical or productive in life. I found it on the contrary since I have practised yoga, meditation, prayer and journalling almost daily in the recent years, I find my life has absolutely be lifted and I am more at peace with myself and the world too. What do you use to prompt your self-reflection? What tools do you find really helpful? Please share with me on the comments below or simply email me! I’d love to read your thoughts about this. You can check out my beautiful Goddess Planner 2021 and get it directly from me (with discount!). You can also find it in most major online bookstores such as Amazon, Barns & Noble or Book Depository. You can also download some sample pages such as my Moon Diary, Moon Calendar 2021, Moon & Mood Tracker here. Have fun, use them as part of your spiritual or creative practice!
16 minutes | Dec 24, 2020
98. The Great Conjunction and Beginning of a New Era!
I had all the plans to end 2020 with a couple of new posts, giveaways and special videos, but all went into the ditch when my husband and the little ones went under the weather. Then, we had to change our holiday plans and rebooked everything. We didn’t get to see our parents this year, but we are just really grateful that they are all healthy and well. This is what I have learned from this year. We need to keep our heads above the chaos and see from different perspectives. To understand what really matters, and so become more flexible and think outside of the box. This certainly helps us to forward faster and become more adaptive. Baby number two and the pandemic effectively have changed the way I work and think. Another aspect I’ve learned is to stop pushing at all fronts, get better at prioritizing and allow myself to let go more. It reminds me of Tao’s philosophy. Less forcing, more allowing. To feel the lightness of being, one must learn how to surrender in order to move freely. We practice how to get really focused yet relaxed at the same time. Holding the seemingly opposite in great balance. It feels like I have started a new chapter, or entered a new age. In fact, it is exactly what happened. If you are interested in Astronomy or Astrology, you would have heard about all the buzz around the winter solstice (or summer solstice here in Southern Hemisphere) on the 21 December. This past solstice also marked the great conjunction of the planets Jupiter and Saturn. What it means is that these two planets appear closest together in the sky, when Jupiter “overtakes” Saturn in its orbit. This great conjunction occurs approximately every 20 years. However, the 2020 great conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn was the closest one since 1623 and the closest observable since 1226. From a spiritual perspective, Jupiter is said to be the planet of optimism, expansion, thought-leadership, healing and growth. Saturn, on the other hand, is associated with restriction, responsibility, and long-term lessons. When these energies combine, we can expect a major shift in consciousness or awaking so to speak. Also, for many years, the great conjunctions occur in signs of the same element (e.g. either Earth, Water, Air or Fire). But with this conjunction, it actually switched to occur in a new element ( from Earth to Air). This is called a ‘mutation’ and therefore, it also marks the beginning of a new era or age. Again, the Earth sign represents the material realm, while the air represents the mind or consciousness. When we change our way to think, we change our way to act. This is the new era for more social and humanitarian collaborations. We moved from only thinking the need to acquire “things”, to the necessity to connect with other “beings”. The isolations and hardship we experienced in 2020 taught us what we really hold dear. For me, it was about letting go and surrender. When my family is unwell, I know that becomes my priority. My work would have to take a step back. Plans would have to change. And that is OK. To really allow that wasn’t easy, but it makes what I can actually create or accomplish even sweeter and more precious. That is what I’ve reflected on about 2020. What about you? What are the top 3 things you are most grateful for? What are you most looking forward to in 2021? What is the change you like to see or be in yourself? As I am finishing this blog & podcast, it is actually Christmas eve, and so I would like to wish you a Merry Christmas and get ready for a New Year – New Era! I will be taking a little time off but I’ll talk to you again in early Jan 2021! Goddess Planner 2021 I about to launch my Goddess Planner and I am super excited about it. It is more than a weekly planner for sure. It has a 12-month Moon Calendar, Moon Diary Pages, Habit tracker, Body, Mind & Spirit weekly check-in, and so much more! It is designed to help you to better understand your body’s rhyme and emotional needs. It supports you to plan your work, rest and play more effectively by using your own feminine wisdom! So stay tuned and I will let you know as soon as it is published! Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me. Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it! Thank You!!
37 minutes | Dec 16, 2020
97. Simple Self-Care to Manage Stress: Interview with Rita Garnto
If you have a family to look after or a job to attend to or a body to take care of, you may feel stress at any given day for many different reasons. Yes, in fact, I imply everybody on this planet is susceptible to get stressed! That’s why this episode on stress management and good self-care practices is useful for everyone. My guest for this week’s podcast is Rita Garnto. Rita is an author and educator. She had a 20-year career in western healthcare as a Registered Respiratory Therapist and worked in Canada (where she was born), Saudi Arabia and in the United States. In 2004 she began her massage therapy private practice and after 16 years running, she is now educating and speaking on the dangers of stress and providing simple self-care solutions to combat the negative effects of stress. Learn more from her book “Simple Self-Care Saved Me” here. In her career, she had cared for patients ranging in age from premature babies to the elderly and everyone in between. In her lengthy career, she had been part of the trauma flight team at Carolinas Medical Center in Charlotte, NC. and she was caring for critically ill patients during transport flights on helicopters and aeroplanes. Rita has vast experience in caring and supporting patients in all kind of stressful situations. Over time, her mission has evolved into focusing on improving the health and life of busy women and their families, simply and without overwhelm. Interview Highlights Self-care is about self-preservation and not self-indulgence Rita learned about stress from working in a life or death environment as being part of a trauma flight team for many years, also her personal experience with her family as well as being a massage therapist who saw many clients that came through because of stress-related issues. We often under estimate the level of control we have in life, so the key question is, “What changes are you going to make?” If you want to break from your current situation. Using her trauma flight team days to develop her stress management lectures and presentations to educate people how to manage stress on a daily basis. Connecting the Eastern philosophy and Western medical training to reduce stress. Time out to stress less – Rita’s short Facebook Live to give short tips and advice for us to practise self-care, to connect with others, and to be authentic. When we feel stress, our brain triggers the fight or flight response in our body. It is an essential response if we need to run away from actual danger, but when that is not the case, it puts pressure on our mental and physical health, especially when it happens frequently. Other negative effects of stress include stress eating or loss of appetite, insomnia, may be withdrawn or trigger anxiety, mild depression, etc. Women tend to take care of everybody else before we take care of ourselves or need to get permission to do self-care. The difference between self-care and simple self-care: easy actions and habits that can build on themselves. If you would like to connect with Rita, please visit her website or FaceBook page: simpleselfcare.net https://simpleselfcare.net/book https://www.facebook.com/rkgarnto Video https://youtu.be/oFiLVsGPHP8 Transcript Sze Wing: hi everybody, I’m really happy to introduce you to my guest for the week. Today we have Rita Garnto. So little short introduction, she is an amazing woman and she had a 20-year career in Western Healthcare, as a respiratory therapist and she worked in Canada where she was from, Saudi Arabia and the United States, which is really diverse places to work at. And then in 2004, she began her massage therapy private practice and after16 years she is now educating and speaking on the dangers of stress and providing simple solutions to combat the negative effects of stress. And let’s be honest, stress is around us so much these days, even by the time this episode comes out, it will still be in the time of Pandemic, I’m pretty sure, so stress is really the topic that everybody should really talk about and how to deal with it in a better way. Sze Wing: So back to Rita. In her career, she has cared for patients ranging from premature babies to the elderly and everyone in between, so she had a really long period of time looking after different people. And in her career, she was also part of the trauma flight team in Carolina’s Medical Centre in Charlotte, Northern Carolina. So she’d been caring for very critically ill people as well as premature babies. So I have so many questions to ask you, based on your own life experience already. So I’m really excited to talk to her. And now she’s really focused and her mission has evolved into focusing on improving the health and life of busy women in the family, simply who are overwhelmed and looking after themselves. And in her own words, she said, “Simply stated, self-care is about self-preservation and not self-indulgence.” So a really important topic. So I’m really, really happy to have Rita here with us today to talk about self-care. Especially how to help women improving their health and their busy lives. So welcome to my show. Rita: Thank you, Sze. Thank you so much. I’m really excited to be here, so. Sze Wing: So first of all, I have to mention– look at your background you have — “You are now entering a stress-free zone.” I think it is actually really important how we place that environment. Words carry weight to start with, energetically, and the environment we put around us is super important, and you constantly being reminded, I think is a really, really, smart thing to do. Rita: Well, thank you. I actually found that sign by accident in the storeroom. I was like, “Oh, my gosh, that’s perfect.” So yeah, I decided to put it on my little wall behind me. yeah. Sze Wing: You did? And it’s perfect for videos because it’s almost like this backdrop. Sze Wing: You can’t miss it, it’s like, “Okay.” Rita: You can’t miss it, we’re talking about stress relate here. So first and for most, I have so many questions to ask you, but I want you to tell us a little bit more about your story. How did your career unfold from a respiratory therapist to having your private massage practice, to now educating others? So in a short way, tell us about your story. Rita: Wow, in a short way. I don’t know if I can do that. So being a respiratory therapist working alongside the doctors and nurses, you were always in a lot of life and death situations, and also being on the trauma flight team, I really got to know stress. So when I was approaching 40 I was getting burnt out of these 12-hour shifts, where sometimes 13 hours, 14 hours, and I had a good friend at the time who was a massage therapist and doing well with her practice. So I’m like, “Well, I’m going to become a massage therapist.” So I went to school as I was working and became a massage therapist and I met my husband in massage therapy preschool. He just took a few classes. And so then I was able to finally leave the respiratory therapy. And I opened up my own practice. And so I did that for a long time and a lot of one on one, really loved helping people. And the reason I wanted to get into massage therapy, I wanted to help people before they got really sick, before they were in the hospital. So I wanted to try to get them before. It was more about prevention and self-care. After 16 years, I gave a lot of energy to my clients and a lot of very stressful things that happened in that time frame. And I had to deal not only with helping people with stress but also having a very stressful life and– my husband and I adopted two toddlers after six years of trying to have kids. I went through miscarriages. And then a year and a half after we adopted these two beautiful girls. Then my mom died. And then I was caring for my dad 3,000 miles away. So life was really heavy. And I got to a point where I had a near nervous breakdown. And my doctor asked me a question like, “What changes are you going to make?” And that was sort of the beginning of, “Oh, my gosh. You mean I have control?” So I’ve had to figure it out because life is very stressful and it just– it was my journey. I really feel like it’s my purpose to serve now. And I’ve decided I’m taking all these lemons I was given and I’ve made this lemonade and I want to share it. And I’m not afraid to share and talk about tough subjects, so. Sze Wing: I love your story. We didn’t have the talk before. Sometimes we do before this podcast. So I didn’t know the details about the source of all your stress especially after you left the respiratory therapist work. But what I really love and found interesting– your story is so interesting because it’s like every life stress comes from very different angles whether it’s personal relationships or caring for loved ones or at work. I mean, everybody has all these areas, right? And at some point in their life, certain things will take or at last demand a lot of your attention. And sometimes we don’t even know how much stress we put on ourselves or place ourselves into and I think– and everything evolves in a very logical way. In a way, it’s like everything you have done in a way has a reason, and that’s why it was on your path. Now when you’re educating people you’ve actually got something to say because you had walked through a path of certain stressful situations where a lot of people can relate whether it’s the children, whether it’s caring for loved ones. So I love how the story evolves and how we can all relate to it. And nothing you have done before is sort of wasted because it put really into a very useful ground for everyone that comes into contact with you. So I really find it really amazing especially when you were having an almost unusual background in this. But you were also working in something quite rare in this industry. Not many people work with critically ill people that they’re carrying in helicopters. So they talk about stress. I mean, that’s a situation that every minute counts. I could imagine you’re just all constantly in an action movie. Rita: Yeah. It wasn’t quite that glamourous. But when we were scheduled to be on the helicopter, you sat around until your pager went off and you’d practice … Sze Wing: But then as every minute count. Rita: Every minute counted and then on our way to the accident, usually an accident that we went to where the patients are really critically injured, and so I would be telling myself, I’d be doing ABC, ABC, because I had to calm myself down too. So I was doing deep breaths and reminding myself of the order that we– the protocols we had. So yeah, and what’s really interesting, I think, is because it was back in the late ’90’s that I was on the trauma flight team, but 1997 I developed a stress management lecture which was the basis of the stress management lectures/presentations I do now. So it’s like wow, God really is amazing because here, what is that 23 years ago, I was already working on what I’m doing now. So I just find that really interesting, so. Sze Wing: And you come in a fairly different perspective as well from other people who look at stress– because a lot of people talk about stresses day in, day out, work environment, but you first hand witness stress trauma, very critical moment both from you look at the critically injured people, as well as you on the other side trying to help them. It’s very stressful for you as well. Rita: Right and then learning how to make sure on your days off or between calls that you were doing your self-care, doing your stretches, getting exercise, eating properly. There were so many pieces to it. I’m really grateful for my journey so far and the different things that I’ve done, and also the fact, having that medical background, that Western medicine, and then with massage therapy, having that Eastern part with aromatherapy, and the chakras, and energy work, and things like that. So seeing that there’s these two sides which is really interesting and I can connect to God. Yeah, so. Sze Wing: It’s amazing, yes. I think that’s the thing about I found it so miraculous in the power of the universe is the joining the dots because a lot of people may not be able to see and join it but obviously you did. And I find it incredible you talk to me about stress, or help my family about stress. I mean you were the person for me to call because as you said you have the Western medicine background and the Eastern philosophy and how it operate on the body so there’s more body and mind connection and all that stuff together. So you have a very all round 360 view and I’m sure also the way you deliver it to people are well practiced, and you walk your talk, so it will be the person to go to, honestly. Rita: I appreciate that. Sze Wing: And because it’s so relevant in today’s life because we are living in a time, not just a pandemic, earlier in this year in Australia we had the bushfire which destroyed a lot of home. And then the whole about what are we doing with the environment, what are we doing in the next 20, 30, 50 years? So that’s a lot of existential issues happening as well. And then the pandemic and the economy, and then now we have the Black Lives Matter as well, and there’s a lot of very big issues around us. And even though you may not care about one thing over another but when everything came together you got a lot of people are deeply affected. So really appreciate what you do. Rita: Thank you. Sze Wing: And so one other thing I wanted to ask you and actually it’s when we were having a little chat before you talk about now you’re doing a lot of Facebook work to share with people about some simple tips, and I think its really useful because sometimes you don’t want to start going to big lecture or weekend seminar but it’s a little day in, day out, little bits of nuggets here and there. And it starts to really help us and is very relevant. So tell us a little bit about how are you coping and what you are doing these days sharing the message. Rita: Yeah. So I’ve been doing Facebook Live now since probably end of March, so from Monday through Friday Eastern Standard Time which is 14 hours which I find this is so cool because I’m talking to you in the future. You’re in the future. I’m in the past. Sze Wing: Time is relative. Rita: Yeah. Exactly. So really these Facebook Lives are maybe sometimes two minutes. I think the longest one I’ve done is maybe eight minutes. And so I call them the time out to stress less and even though I’m live and they’re posted on my Facebook page. But they’re just moments, reminders that 2 o’clock is a good time in the afternoon or whenever you feel stressed. And I encourage people just to step away. So the topics, I don’t plan them all out. It’s like, “Okay. How am I feeling today?” So it’s very real and authentic. Today I talked about– so I just got some bad news about my brother. He’s very sick and he’s now at in-home hospice. And I was getting these headaches that I didn’t realize my shoulders were– this muscle tension, right, that happens with the stress response. So I reminded myself this morning. It’s like, “Let’s just– I really need to do some shoulder rolls and really focus on getting my shoulders down,” because I was giving myself almost a migraine with all of the tension. So that’s what I talked about today. And other days I’ll bounce on the trampoline with one of my daughters. I have two teenage daughters or I’ll ride an electric scooter and I’ll almost fall off or– sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it’s sad. But it’s all very real and it’s all very authentic. And what’s so important to me is for women to understand that they’re not alone. I think so often we feel like, “Oh, I’m the only one going through this.” And it’s so not true. I mean, I have struggled– I have struggled with that in years past. And it’s a horrible feeling feeling alone. So I just want women to know and men that there’s so many of us that feel the same way and are experiencing similar things. Sze Wing: Yeah. And that really perfectly led into my next question because clearly you’re an expert about stress and how it impacts our lives and especially in our health. Can you tell us a little bit about say we all know stress is bad but [laughter] because you have the western and eastern background tell us how would you describe really actually how the stress affects our health? Rita: Well, so if you go back to– let’s see. So we have a stress response when our brains think that we’re in danger. So typically for an immediate crisis, our adrenaline and cortisol are released. And it triggers a whole what I call cascade of effects in your body. Now, this stress response has been with us since the beginning of time. And so when we way, way, way, way back, we needed this stress response because if we were walking along gathering food in the forest and there was a wild animal we had to be able to have the resources and the energy to fight or flight, right, fight or run. And so as we’ve evolved to where we are now, that hasn’t changed. So our brain doesn’t always know that we’re not in an immediate crisis. So if we start worrying about yelling at the kids or you’re getting mad at the kids, your brain doesn’t know you’re not being attacked. All it knows is that there’s kind of a danger. So it triggers this response. So we have an increased heart rate, blood pressure, respiratory rate. Then sugar is dumped into our blood to fuel our muscles. If you think a stress response is all about maybe fighting or running to save our lives. So you all of a sudden have all this sugar circulating in your blood. Your digestive tract is a non-essential body function. It gets shut off. Just like your immune system, it gets shut off because right now your brain is thinking, “Right now I have to save myself.” Muscle tension increases. And so all these things are happening. Now, if you think that you’re stressing about some– like right now, the pandemic, “Where’s my next paycheck going to come from? Can I go back to work? Can I send the kids to work? Oh, my gosh. The kids are going to be online schooling.” You have all these stressors. Your body is in this constant state of stress and constantly adrenaline and cortisol are being released. And so your blood pressure stays up. And you can end up with diabetes because now you’re asking your pancreas to keep secreting this insulin for all this extra sugar that’s floating around. So there’s a lot of– a lot of things that are– your digestive tract’s not getting the proper blood flow. So then you end up either constipated or diarrhoea. You’re not using your nutrients. You’re actually malnourished even though you’re eating. And so it really– there’s a lot of things that are going on, so. And then comes the mental piece to it, the mental health piece. So anxiety goes up. Depression goes up. Your thought patterns change. You start withdrawing. You get more irritable. There’s just so many factors to stress and it’s silent. It’s sneaky. We don’t know when it– when we’re really feeling stressed unless we’re aware of what to look for. Rita: Well, I know because I would have my hand in a cookie jar. I don’t know whether it’s sort of the pain that– people talk about the stress eating as well, right? You just kind of want something to bring you comfort as if that’s going to solve your problem. Rita: Right. Yeah. I eat chocolate. I love dark chocolate. So with cortisol, with the increased levels of cortisol, it does change your appetite. So you may be someone who stops eating and you’re going to lose weight or you eat all the time or want to eat all the time. And then you don’t end up sleeping well, right, insomnia. And then because you’re not sleeping well then that changes your appetite and then more weight gain and it– yeah. Sze Wing: Sometimes I don’t know whether it’s because I just had a baby. So there’s a lot of lifting and nursing. So my body’s tense but– or because there’s stress because there’s a lot of things going on with my life at the moment juggling a few things. And my body’s so tense. But it’s actually almost like a joke. Every time I went to a massage therapist. She’s like, “What’s this? This is so hard.” My neck and shoulders, my body’s so tense. I found myself with a low appetite. It’s really strange that either I really want to eat or I don’t want to eat at all. Everything is just upside down and not in balance and I sometimes blame the fact that I just had a baby. So things are weird. But I think it could be because I’m stressed because that sounds like– everything you said seems like the symptoms I’m experiencing. Rita: Yeah so it really– being a combination of both of them for you. So you’ve got a double whammy. You’ve just had a baby. And then you’re dealing with all of the stress on top of that. So yeah, it really– it’s amazing how it can change your body. I deal with anxiety and mild depression. And I can tell that when I start to get stressed I start to withdraw. I want to be by myself more and away from my husband and my kids or I don’t want to talk to my friends. So now I know that’s a red flag. And it’s like, “Okay. I need to pay attention to this because I might be getting into a little bit of trouble here that I’m getting– I’m more depressed than I think or I’m withdrawing so it’s not good or I’m more stressed, that I need to do more walking or more self-care or something.” Sze Wing: Yeah. And I like what you said early on that you kind of– that’s why you’re doing what you do now to educate people because you want to start waving some sort of flag before it really gets into really bad impacts like as you said, diabetes or insomnia or even something worse because if you can do something early in advance by telling people, “Look to see the symptoms. So be aware of it. And start doing simple self-care.” That will really stop something worse happening, so. And that will probably go alongside what you said about self-care, about self-preservation, not self-indulgence. And why do you think it is that so many of us think self-care equals going to the spa and therefore, it’s an indulgence thing? Why do think it is? Because I’m sure you’ve worked with and you witnessed a lot of scenarios. So why people don’t necessarily see it as self-preservation? Is it because we don’t know or is there just a stigma about self-care as a word? Rita: I think typically it’s us, women, that we think that– there’s something inside. We’re nurturers for the most part and that we feel that we need to take care of everybody else before we take care of ourselves. And so what I– when I talk to– work with my women it’s a lot of guilt. Even one of my workshops, I actually have a permission slip that you read out. You put your name in there and you read it and you sign it. And you have your partner next to you sign it as well giving yourself permission to do self-care. So but when you really think about it, how can you– so Sze, how can you give all that you want to give to your husband and your children if you don’t take care of you? If you don’t fill up this– your gas tank or your emotional bank account, how do you have anything for anyone else? And I think we know that logically. But for some reason, we still think, “Well, that’s selfish.” So I don’t know if our society’s taught that. I don’t know if that’s the messages we got from our moms. I don’t know where that’s come from but that’s really– the guilt is really prevalent. So I’ve hit a wall before. I’ve had adrenal fatigue. I ruptured a disc in my neck because of all this stress. Sze Wing: Wow. Talk about red flag, yeah? Rita: Yeah. So I have a titanium plate and three fused vertebrae. And the disc rupture came during a very stressful time when my mom had passed away. And my mom died of a massive heart attack. And I really believe that was from all the stress that was happening in our family. There was so much going on. So yeah, I’m very passionate about it because I don’t think we need to suffer. I think we could take better care of ourselves and look forward to a better quality of health. Sze Wing: Yeah. I definitely agree with you. And even I often talk about self-care as well but to– not sell the concept to people but to really walk the talk and make sure we don’t slide back into this, “Oh, yeah. I can do one more thing. And I can put myself in the last of the priority list. And I don’t need to fill my cup. Over drafting is okay.” There’s some little, sneaky thing happening because we’re so used to trying to do it all or nurturing everybody else and we forget about us. But now I need to be more careful because not only as a mom ,modelling for my daughter and my son, but I mean, if I’m too tired I cannot produce milk. So I cannot nurse. So that’s another thing. It is so strange. But if you don’t sleep, you don’t eat. You don’t have milk and then the baby cries. So it’s like, “Oh, no. No. No. I’ve got to look after myself.” That becomes imperative for me as well, so. But one thing I want to ask you is that– you have a book called Simple Self-care Saved Me. And in that, you talked about the difference between self-care and simple self-care. Can you share a little bit more about that because that may really open the eyes of people? Rita: Absolutely. And I’m going to do a shameless plug. So this is the book– Sze Wing: Oh, no. I love it. I love it Rita: Yeah. So I’ve actually created the phrase, simple self-care. And I have a federal copyright that I’m waiting to go through. So self-care is any intentional action you do to take care of your emotional, spiritual, physical, or mental health. So that can be yoga classes, hiking, massages, chiropractor. There are so many things that we could talk about, going to the gym. But those all take a lot of time. And so when we women get busy what’s the first thing we drop? Oh, I don’t have time to go to the gym today. Oh, I might have to reschedule my massage. So what I have created is what I call simple self-care. And simple self-care is any intentional self-care action you do that is not rocket science, not complex, and can slide into your day. So a perfect example would be even the shoulder roll say you’re changing your baby’s nappies, right, and you’re feeling the tension. Well, you can do a few quick shoulder rolls while you’re– while you’re at the diaper table, right? Sze Wing: Or podcasting right now. Rita: Or podcasting. Right. Yeah. So you can just even stretch, reach up and do some twists. It doesn’t take a lot of time. And what you’re doing is you’re moving. You’re moving. You’re circulating. You’re helping the muscles get nutrients, oxygen, and fresh food. And we’re sitting like this all the time. We’re going to get stuck like this like a rusty gate. So encourage your shoulders to be back where they’re supposed to be. And so it’s those simple things. And I offer lots and lots of suggestions. Yeah, those are just– those are just a few examples. And then I’ve broken the simple self-care down into three different categories because we’re all different, right? So there’s things that you can do what I call in the moment, there’s things– there’s movement like we just did. And then there’s mind-unfullness where we can brain dump. And so depending on– I’m a mover. So I walk and I listen to my favorite music. And that is almost like my meditation. It’s a moving meditation so there’s– you have to find what works for you though. That’s another big piece is that you do– Sze Wing: So tell us the three categories you said. So you have the in the moment and then– yeah. Rita: In the moment. So in the moment would be things like when you– if you have a cup of coffee or cup of tea in the morning where you intentionally just take– close your eyes. Take a couple deep breaths. And when you sip your beverage, whatever that is, it’s like, “Oh, what flavors do I pick up on?” So it’s becoming very in the moment. You’re leaving everything else out here and just giving yourself a pause. Sze Wing: Right, in the present enjoy, be there. Rita: Be there. Be there. So and with dark chocolate I have– I partnered with a chocolate company that’s on the west coast. And she’s combined meditation and dark chocolate. And it’s these little pieces of chocolate. And so you put them in your mouth and let them melt. And there’s 11 different flavors. And so it’s like, “Oh, okay. Do you know what? What do I taste there?” And so again, you’re focusing on one of your senses so that– Sze Wing: Love it. Rita: Yeah. Yeah. I love my dark chocolate. And then movement, so movement can be anything from shoulder scrunches or even getting up and doing 10 squats or 10 knee-ups or– because my philosophy is anything is better than nothing. So if I take an extra 100 steps every day, in a year I’ve gone 18 more miles. But what’s 100 steps in a day? Not very much. So it’s the little things that build on themselves. Sze Wing: Love it. And you just reminded me. I think your book sounds amazing because sometimes it’s those little pieces, bits and pieces that we kind of need to get reminded and then start implementing in our life. I do believe that sometimes you just have to take five steps first before you decide that, “Oh, I’m going to go to the gym every Tuesday.” You have to start small. And a funny thing I wanted to share is that so my husband can sit on the same desk doing work from 9:00 to 5:00 or later without moving. He may go to the toilet once or twice, not even eating, not even drinking, nothing. He’s just on the desk. But sometimes I’m like, “How could you do that all day like nothing?” So I put up a little Post-It note by the job on his desk saying that, “Remember. You’re not working in the ER. You’re not a doctor. You’re not helping a patient in the emergency room. You can go to the toilet and you’re getting lunch, for five minutes, I mean, [gosh?]. It’s hilarious and I start to do this little Post-It note. saying all these things that– you are not a soldier, not a doctor, just get up from your desk. When you talk about the little chocolate moment reminds me because we kind of need– that little piece of chocolate sounds like a reminder. I mean, I don’t know what I even have, mindfulness saying on the back, I imagine it could be. But just little step, little things that remind us that we don’t have to be the way you are. We can implement small change, that could turns out– you know how they say that even flying if you alter the angle slightly you at a completely different destination. And I found this is the same, when you implement, as you said, show the row every now and then and may actually turns out something that you’ve become much more aware of later on. Rita: And your posture is better and you don’t have as much back pain. And now with our technology we’ve got our echoes and we’ve got all that– you set a reminder every hour, right? And then it’s like, “Oh, its going off, okay, I do my five shoulder rolls, I stretch, I twist. Okay, now back to work.” And it’s made such big difference in my life, and that. And all these things are tested by yours truly. Even now my dad’s 3000 miles away, he’s almost 91 and I worry about his health, and he’s on the decline, and my brother’s sick, and I’ve got two teenage girls that are hormonal, and I’m post-menopausal. Life is stressful, and then you throw in the pandemic, and then throw in online school, and then you throw all the protests and, yeah, so, you know what stress is not going away. That’s just it, so it’s almost like we need to find our tools and our tricks to build up our stress armor, so that when more stress comes at us we’re more resilient. Sze Wing: Absolutely. Rita: And then we know, “Well, I really need to step my game up and I need to add, this, this, and this, to really step up my game while I have all this stress coming at me. And that’s what I’m doing right now, is I’m journaling every day and I’m walking. Sze Wing: I love it. I love what you share and I love what you do. And I know you have a stress quiz to help us to know how stressful we are, and you have different programs. So tell us a little bit about what you do that you can share and help others. Rita: So, yeah, it’s a free online stress quiz. So there’s three parts to what I teach and one is awareness and you don’t know what you don’t know. So if you aren’t aware what a red flag looks like for stress, how are you going to know you’re stressed? You weigh in until you get the diabetes test too late. Yeah, or the doctor says, “Well, you have to go on that blood pressure medicine now.” So I have an online– it’s 25 questions and then you get a score. You’ll get your score and then follow-up emails, and I’ll also be doing– you’ll get a personal voice email from me, checking to see how things are going. I offer suggestions, and I offer some different solutions just to find your one thing. That’s all you need to start with, is pick one thing and start doing that every day. So that’s a program I offer. And I’ll be launching a membership community very soon. And again it’s all about support. It’s providing you a safe and non-judgmental place that you can get information and talk to other women around the world that are experiencing the same things, and getting ideas, and getting support that way. So I also teach workshops. I do virtual right now, of course, during the pandemic. I do mastermind classes, I’ll be launching one– I usually have them about four times a year, small groups that we really deep dive into stress and really, what is your stress goal? What stresses you out? What can we do about it? And give you lots and lots of solutions, so. Sze Wing: I love it. Rita: It’s all about helping you go from feeling crappy to happy is one of my taglines, so. Sze Wing: Great tag line. So on that note tell us how can people connect with you? Find out more about what you do, or maybe joining our program or take the quiz? What’s the best way to find you? Rita: So my website is simpleselfcare.net, all one word, and there is a tab there if you are interested in ordering my book, you can get it through Amazon. So that links right to there. I also have a contact form you can fill out with any questions. If you’d like to email me, my email address is rita, R-I-T-A @simpleselfcare.net. And I love to hear from people and I answer back and I love to help you stress less. It’s all about us living a happier, healthier life. Sze Wing: Fantastic. And I will put the link at the bottom of the blog post as well, so people won’t miss out. And it’s all good and simple. So well, thank you Rita: I’ll send you my Facebook page, and I’m on Instagram as well and LinkedIn and all that good stuff. Sze Wing: Yes, yeah. We put all the social handle at the bottom as well the website and email address, so. Rita: Awesome, awesome. Sze Wing: Thank you so much for today, joining us and I cannot wait to go downstairs and make up my tea and have a chocolate melting in my mouth. Rita: Awesome, yay. Sze Wing: Thank you. Rita: Thank you, Sze, thank you.
8 minutes | Dec 9, 2020
96. When your desire is larger than your belief
If your desire is larger than your belief, it means you don’t actually expect what you want is going to happen. In fact, if it does, it will kind of catch you by surprise. I heard about this saying in a video related to the Law of Attraction. It instantly sticks on my mind. So how does it play out in terms of manifesting what we want? Is it counterproductive then? We attract things through what we believe in, or in other words, through vibration proximity. I remember what the late Dr Wayne Dyer used to say from his lectures, “Believe it, and you will see it”. Not the other way round. If you need to see it in order to believe it, you may never get there! I know how important and power our belief systems is. Needless to say, it caught me by surprise to realize in some case, my desire is far greater than my belief in achieving it. It leads me to question, how often do we believe in what we want or what we dream of is actually possible to fulfil? So here is my personal example: I have always believed that I can write and self-publish a book or books. But do I believe I can write a best seller? Or a great book? The truth is, I never even dared to ask that question because subconsciously I didn’t believe I could do it. But I know enough about the power of my own belief and intellectually I have opted to shy away to fully examine what is that I really believe. So next question, why not? Is it about confidence? Or about faith? What I have discovered is that through consistent practice, meaning, writing and working on my craft, I will gain confidence. In time, my faith will also get stronger. My belief in my own capacity or even destiny will grow. We can not think our way into this, in order to grow my abilities or faith in this case, I need to act. It is about practice. The chop-wood-carry-water type of action may seem mundane, but they are the building blocks. The day in day out type of work is the key to improve my craft. In time, I know I will feel more confident, I will improve my craft, and good writing or even a best-seller may eventually happen. To desire is easy, to have faith it takes work. It is clear in my mind that I need to believe in myself, and instead of merely doing affirmations (it is useful too) I will compound it with consistent writing and learning to improve myself. And THAT is the work. What about you? What is your greatest desire right now? Do you believe you can fulfil it? If not, why not? What you think is sabotaging you, is it your belief system or various form of fear? Please share with me as I’d love to hear your experience. Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me. Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it! Thank You!!
35 minutes | Dec 3, 2020
95. How to create your desired lifestyle without feeling guilty or burnout: Interview with Rebecca Swanson
Many women I know have this problem: We want to establish or grow a career or business we love, at the same time, we want to maintain a healthy and happy family life as well. But then at some point, we just feel exhausted, out of steam, overwhelmed or completely burnout. So how can we “have it all” without giving up our passion, purpose or worst, losing our minds? Where do we start? What are we missing? If you are someone who wants to feel fulfilled both from the inside and outside, then have a listen to my podcast interview with Rebecca Swanson. We discussed what do we need to ask ourselves or put in place in order to create a lifestyle that we desire and it can be sustainable in the long run too. Rebecca Swanson is a life coach, business strategist, natural health & wellness advocate. She is a psychology graduate, certified NLP trainer and lifelong experiential learner. She is also a mother of 3 children and a loving partner. Interview Highlights: Rebecca’s evolving story – from corporate leader to life coach, student of psychology and now helping women to get back their sass! The real reason why women are so tired and exhausted in our modern society How to “have it all” meaning: happy relationships and healthy body (internal) and career success and fulfilment (external) without losing who we are and our minds! The No. 1 thing we need to look at or do in order to live a more courageous, authentic and passionate life The most common obstacle/challenge that many career women/working mums face and the lesson it also brings When we feel stuck or lack of choice, it is actually a call of deeper reflection and it is also an opportunity for growth and new beginnings. If you would like to connect with Rebecca, please visit her website: https://www.rebeccaswanson.com.au/ Video https://youtu.be/RehzJ02Au_0
32 minutes | Nov 24, 2020
94. My list of “Stop, Start and Continue” during a time of uncertainty
Personally, I find this quarter of 2020 a very sobering time. The pandemic, social unrest and natural disasters all make this year tough for many of us. I’ve heard many heartfelt stories from my high school friends and work colleagues who live various part of the world. Nothing is “normal” and everyone I know is affected in all different kind of ways. My son has just turned 6 months old and despite the fact that I have little control of my time, and the needs and desire of this tiny little human being is very often (if not always) prioritized over mine. This period of time also gives me permission to dive deeper into my ambition, question what really matters to me at this stage in my life, what is my purpose, role or responsibilities. What I have conjured up is a list of reminders to help me and others to gain a different perspective. Or perhaps a way to decide when to say “No” to certain thoughts or behavioural patterns. And equally important is what do I need to say “Yes” to or things I should continue to do. I am certain there are times in your life where you may need a little reminder as well. And so that is what I would like to share with you this week. Things to “Stop” doing When you catch yourself judging yourself or others senselessly or being overcritical because of the subject matter riggers your vulnerability. Being overly attached to the outcomes of your endeavour. Wish for the best, prepare for the worse, expect it to turn out just the way it should be, in divine timing and manner. Caring too much what others think of you because no matter what you do or don’t do, you cannot control what others think. The most important thing is how you think of yourself, do you like or love who you are? Are you being YOU? Stop expecting others to change before you do. Numbing your feelings by making yourself too busy, spending too much time on social media or addicting to anything (over-exercising, food or TV) in order to stop you from looking at what is really going on in your life. Things to “Start” doing Create quiet time for yourself daily, no matter how short that time maybe. Even 5 minutes. Just you and being in silence. Savouring every experience or moment in time. Give yourself the permission to be fully present, no multi-tasking just focus on the one thing you are doing at that moment in time. Time is something you can NEVER get back. When your desire is bigger than your belief, you actually don’t expect what you want is going to happen. Find ways that can strengthen your faith. Make it a conscious practice. An exercise if you will. Start to believe it. Things to “Continue” to do All the good practices that you know work wonders for you. Yoga, meditation, journaling, paint, bushwalk, play music, pray, write. Make them as habits. Not one-off events or just do them from time to time. Nurture the relationships you are blessed to have so far. There is no chance encounter. Treat everyone as a divine plan or intervention. To remember that we are not defined by things we have accomplished, but the way how we achieve them and the relationships we build along the way. Stay true to who you are, be kind, courageous and don’t forget to laugh. Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me. Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it! Thank You!!
39 minutes | Nov 17, 2020
93. The Gift of Loss: Interview with Karen Chaston
Many of us have suffered different effects of the pandemic in 2020. There are days where it is hard to make sense of it all or think about what to expect for 2021. That’s why I found my interview with Karen Chaston is super timely, as it helps us to get a different perspective when it comes to tragedy, suffering and life lessons. In July 2011, Karen’s life changed forever when her son died unexpectedly. It is without a doubt a mother’s worst nightmare. Within 15 months, Karen resigned from her CFO role of a publicly listed company and began a personal, professional and spiritual journey. From that point on, all the experiences have led hers into becoming a beyond loss expert and co-founding her business Live Love By Design. Fast forward to today, Karen Chaston is known as a business owner, beyond loss mentor and international keynote speaker who has shared the stage with Marianne Williamson, Jamie-Lee Curtis, Valerie Harper and Dr Ellie Drake. She is the author of eight books and numerous e-books as well as an online TV show host and podcaster. Interview Highlights: How a mother’s worst nightmare has lead Karen from a CFO to become a Beyond Loss expert. Her professional and spiritual journey to move through grief and growth. Eventually, she re-calibrated and re-design her life. 5 Steps process: The Gift of Loss – We start with a Stop and Go within. People come into your life for a reason or for a spiritual lesson There are over 40 different loss events that can affect our lives Sadness is completely different from grieving and suffering Instead of buying into someone else’s version of success and good life, we take time to design the life we actually love. That’s why Karen has co-founded her business “Live Love By Design” Three aspects of every relationship: Physical, emotional ad spiritual Sometimes the loss that we experience is not one-dimensional, it brings another kind of gift Ways to connect with Karen and her webinars on topics related to: “The Gift of Loss” and “Live Love By Design”. If you would like to connect with Karen, please visit: https://www.karenchaston.com/ https://www.livelovebydesign.com/ Video: https://youtu.be/FNwGvd5FmAc Transcript: Sze Wing: Hi, everyone. I’m really happy to introduce you to my guest of the day. We have Karen Chaston with me, and she’s a business owner, a Beyond Loss mentor and international keynote speaker, and I’m really excited to chat with her because she had been on stage with some really big names including Marianne Williamson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Valerie Harper and Dr Ellie Drake to name a few. So I mean, I don’t know how it’s going to be on the same stage with these people because I think, I love public speaking but I still sometimes get nervous, so anyway. Not the major focus for today, but I can’t help it, I’m off script sometimes. Anyway. She’s also an author for eight books, probably more now, and working on some more, and numerous ebooks as well as online TV show host and podcaster. So you can tell, she has been busy working and sharing her work. And in her corporate career earlier, she was a CPA, CFO of a public listed company, and a city manager for more than 25 years. So definitely, she has a very solid background in the corporate world, but she also have– probably hand in hand that you’ve been obviously very productive and effective in your life, and you have written eight books after that, so. But so today, I’m really pleased to have her as my guest. About nine years ago, her life have changed forever when a tragedy hit, and within 15 months, she had resigned from her CFO and began a personal, professional and spiritual journey, and that’s, I think, leading her to become a Beyond Loss expert and for founding her business called Live, Love By Design. So today, I’m very grateful to have you as my guest, Karen. So welcome to my show. Karen: Thank you, Sze, I’m so glad to be here. It’s exciting. We’ve known each other probably for what, about five, seven years now, something like that. Sze Wing: Yes. Yeah. Karen: Yeah. So great to be on your show. And you’re doing so well as well. Sze Wing: Oh, thank you. Well, I think when we first met, podcast wasn’t a thing yet. Karen: No. I think there were a few people doing it, and we were all looking at them in awe, but now, let’s face it, it’s so easy, isn’t it? We’ve got to love the world we live in. We have so many things at our fingertips that we cannot only connect with other people, we can share our thoughts, we can do so much globally, not just locally. We can do it all over the world. And it’s nice to be able, especially for women, to find our voice and to hare what we’re thinking and what we’re feeling, and our lives with everyone. Sze Wing: Yeah. So that really leads to my very first question I wanted to ask you. So we mentioned a little bit early on that about nine years ago, you had a big tragedy in your life and really turned things upside down, and lead you to become, I would say, probably a major lead you to become who you are today. And if it’s okay with us, can you share a little bit about that tragedy or the experience? Because you also talked about how now, women can find their voice and share, and I think that’s also the second part of the question, that you may have life experience, you overcome a big challenge, but then, in the past, it may not be the same while now, we have much more opportunity and different platform that we can share. So tell us a bit about your experience. Karen: Okay. Well, thank you, because back in 2011, it was actually the 10th of July, 2011, so it’s just over nine years ago, my husband and I woke up and we thought we were going to have a lazy Sunday at home. Though, within 15 minutes, we had found our youngest son by a minute, because of course, he has a twin brother Josh and an older brother Ben. We had found Dan. We thought initially he was just passed out at our backdoor but within minutes the paramedics arrived and they actually said that he had passed away several hours earlier, which is pretty traumatic. Most people are like, “That’s the last thing you want.” We thought a healthy 27-year-old had gone out the night before with his mate separately to his girlfriend. But what had happened and it took us a long time to figure out exactly what happened and to be quite honest Dan actually told me from the other side what actually did happen, which is interesting and I know a lot of people, a lot of listeners, may not be into that and don’t understand that but I’m so grateful that I have such a huge spiritual side to me. And so what had happened, he had drunk too much. He’d come home. He bent down to pick up his key. For some reason, he left it at home so his girlfriend left one out for him. And as he bent down, he fell over and everything shook up. And unfortunately, his lungs failed him. He couldn’t catch his breath. So he did pass away. And two years previously he’d been in Scotland and he’d had pneumonia where he had spent a week in hospital. At the autopsy the next day they actually shared with us that his lungs were so bad that as if he had smoked full on for say 10, 15 years – which he hadn’t. He was only a social smoker – he couldn’t have done one-quarter of the damage to the lungs. They also shared that he had a benign tumor on his brain, which none of us knew about. He was complaining about headaches every now and then, but that was about all. Karen: So yeah, as you can imagine it was a mother’s worst nightmare. You have young children and it certainly is the last thing any parent expects. My mother at Dan’s funeral was like, “What’s going on here. He’s meant to be at my funeral. I’m not meant to be at his.” So it is something that we never ever really expect. And the way I cope with it was I just went straight back to work. I was a CFO of a publicly listed company then and I just ate more, drank more, and worked even harder, which was not ideal. But if you look at the way most people cope with any sort of loss that’s what we do. We listen to the old clichés. Oh, just keep busy. Just give it time. Everything will work out. And of course, it’s not that way. And then I now know that the– Dan’s passing was meant to have been my wake up call. And as I didn’t wake up, as I continued into what I like to call my Groundhog Day days. They had to send me another tragic event. So 15 months after Dan passed, I had a choice to make and the company that I was working for, which I really loved– and I was a really good accountant I have to say. They said to me, “Karen you won’t be the CFO in the new company,” because two companies were merging together, “but you will be doing everything you’re doing now and more.” And I just went, “Oh, that’s okay. I don’t really care what my title is.” Until they said, “You’ll be doing it for two-thirds of your current salary.” And Sze that was the best gift they ever gave to me because I was really peeved for a day, two days at the most, but then I started to realize that, “You know what I’m only there for the money. And if I’m honest, I’m wasting most of it just to get through the day, just to cope with the stress, and to do things.” So I chose redundancy and I was so glad that even though I was so diseased and I didn’t even realize how diseased I was, and most of us in that space don’t realize because everyone is exactly the same. They’re all in there in that motion. And we all know how dense it can be in the corporate world. So yeah, I chose me and that’s when I started on this journey that I love to call the journey to becoming my own best friend, where I really did deep dive into me into all areas of my life and I realized that I was living in one area of my life. And the Live Life By Design model, I have nine areas of life. And I was living in one probably 85%, which is my professional space and it’s not good. My health was bad. My wealth wasn’t great because I wasn’t really looking at it. My relationships were quite fragile. So that’s why I just love who I am now more than anything else. And along that journey – and that hasn’t been an easy journey – I decided that, you know what, the best way that I can help others and the reason why everything has happened to me was so that I could go finding an easier way for other people to move beyond their loss. And that’s what I do now and I just love it. I love helping people to have a new perspective around loss. Sze Wing: Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your personal story. So let’s unpack it a little bit because I think a lot of questions based on that. So first of all, I had been thinking while I was preparing this– by the way, listeners, this is the first time we completely have no draft questions, draft scripts because we just decided spontaneously, let’s do this. And normally, we would have some questions prepared, but so this time is quite spontaneous. But I really want to– just before we came on, I was preparing. I wanted to ask you something to do with grief, but in a sense that some people fight it, some people say surrender to it, some people deny it, in a way. What do you saying about your initial response. So now, after knowing your own experience and walk through the whole tunnel, what would you say, for those who may have experienced that challenge or tragedy as such, how to look grief in the face and go through it all? What helped you to manage pulling yourself on the dark line of the soul into the light after? So tell us a bit more about that. Karen: Okay. So first of all, everything I did is not what I advise other people to do now. I did it literally the hard way, which is why I went looking. But I also looked back and it’s really interesting. My grandfather passed away when I was 13, which was in the early ’70s. And he died six months after his oldest son passed. So he had six children. He had two girls. The oldest and the youngest were the girl and the youngest girl was my mum, and he had four boys in the middle. So his oldest son had passed and six months later, my grandfather passed, and he died from a broken heart from his son dying. He never got over it. So that was really in my psyche. So I knew that I was not going to die from a broken heart from my children passing. I knew that there had to be a better way. And yeah, sure. Initially, I ignored it but I also knew that there had to be a better way. So when I went searching and I found a lot of different things. And in my five-step process that I walk people through – and I call it the gift of loss – I found that the first thing that everyone should do– and most people do not do it because for centuries we have not been doing it this way. The first thing is to stop. You’ve got to stop. Because when we stop, first of all, we will take our conscious, loving breath. You know the one? Where you breathe deep down into your belly and you actually activate the nerve endings of the hypothalamus gland which goes all the way up to our brains. So we enact our wisdom. We enact our love, and we start to ask those beautiful questions. What has happened? What does this mean for me now and going forward? Now, if you look at the recent pandemic that we’ve all been in, what were we all told to do? Sze Wing: Stay at home. Karen: Stop. Exactly. Just stop, right? And you think of the way we’ve been living our lives for the last 50, 70 years. We’ve all been getting busier, and busier, and busier, and busier. So this pandemic, from my perspective, isn’t a bad thing because it’s getting us all to stop. And the ones who are stopping and doing it with ease are the ones who have already started to do the deep dive into themselves. They’ve started to realize that it’s not such a scary place. And more importantly, they all have also started to realise that that’s where all their answers are. We’re all so busy looking outside of ourselves that we forget to go within. We’re the only ones that have the wisdom for ourselves but we never really look there. Well, I’m not going to say, “We never really look there.” Not many of us choose to look there because it’s scary and we’re not really sure who we’re going to find. But the beautiful thing is, as you work through it– and I know you’ve done the work. As we work through it, we end up finding this amazing person because we start to take off all of the layers that we put on, just to survive in the world. Sze Wing: We’re too busy to keep doing but we, actually, haven’t really gone within to know who we are and why we’re doing what we’re doing. So that’s why books like Know Your Why from Simon Sinek and themes like that become so popular these days because we’re starting to ask those questions. And that really leads to something else I want to ask you, when after a while– probably not immediately. Looking at the tragedy about your son’s passing, and you take the– eventually, you have to take the time to pause and to be still and then think about it. Do you see the whole– do you believe– do you subscribe in the school of thought where certain people come into your life and leave your life for a reason? And some people say this is complete nonsense, and some of us look at it as in, whether it’s good things or bad thing happen, there is a reason behind it. And part of it is the destiny. Part of it is fate. You have choice but a lot of the– some of the big things, you don’t. But then how are you going to live with it and respond after, you have that choice. So what’s your take on that one? Karen: Okay. Well, this one’s probably going to throw a lot of people a little bit [laughter], even more so into the spirituality. So I’ve been, actually, forever. I honestly believe that Dan and I designed this while we were still on the other side. When we were planning our life, we were actually planning for him to pass at a certain age, to assist me to wake up from where I was, from what I was doing, so I could then do what I’m doing now. Now one of my greatest passions, right, is to get this understanding into the corporate space, okay, to that they can start to value their employees. I’ve worked for a lot of companies. I know– and as a senior manager. I was the CFO of a publicly listed company, so I understand how the board and the senior management tick. And I also understand that in a lot of companies, they do not value their employees. They see them as replaceable and they treat them as though they’re replaceable. They don’t value their opinions. They tell them what to do. They micromanage them in a lot of cases. So I now know that when we start to look as humans as our most valuable asset in any company, right, we can not only create more profits, a better work environment, but we will actually have become more innovative. We will become an amazing workplace. But we need to understand our people. We need to, first of all, understand that they’re not one-dimensional, they’re three-dimensional. And with that comes a lot of stuff. There’s a lot– there are over 40 different loss events that can affect our lives. Karen: Now, when you hear that– when I first heard that, I went, “No way.” There can’t be 40. Sure, we know about the most common six ones. The death of a loved one; a divorce; a job loss; your health; your wealth and your pets. But if you look at this pandemic, some of the minor ones have come up. Loss of freedom; loss of choice; loss of status; change in work conditions; change in social activities; change in recreational activities. And the there’s more, and there’s more, and there’s more. So when we start to understand that a lot of things that happen in our lives are actually lost and when they happen to us, we can then understand why we’re feeling the way we are, and we can start to feel, there’s not something wrong with me, I’m actually in a grief situation. So if I actually look at this as grief, and I can very quickly work through it, right? It doesn’t have to take a lot of time. This is just a belief that we have built up over centuries because that’s the way people acted. If I could have done the five-step process, on the day that Dan had passed, and I would not have grieved and suffered. Sure, I still have sadness around that, right? Sadness is completely different to grieving and suffering. And that’s the difference. So when we understand this of our people, and of our family, and of our friends, we no longer have to say, “Will you stop talking about that? Haven’t you moved on? Why haven’t you moved on from this, whatever has happened in your life?” We can understand, we can say to people, we will be more comfortable around loss because we can say, “Do you know what? You can actually do duh-duh-duh.” And it’s really easy once you know the five-step process. Sze Wing: So I’m definitely going to ask you more about the five-step in a minute, but before that I want to say a couple of things. One is that I’m in the same view as you, you have shared the same view about a lot of the things that we experience or meant to tackle, the biggest lesson, we actually have decided it. Signed off some sort of soul contract with before we were born, and most likely with your family say, “Okay, so I need to learn self-reliance, so yes, let’s have you abandon me, or okay I’m going to exit early so you can learn about how to share this gift.” So okay that sounds good, that sounds good, and you agree with the whole soul family and then you go. Karen: Suzie, don’t you think at times, “Why the hell did I sign up for this?” Sze Wing: But that’s the thing, because our perspective as human is that this is good, that’s bad, this is long, that’s short. But in a spirit form they say, “No, this is a really great lesson, let’s do this.” Rather than “Oh, this is really painful, let’s don’t do it.” They have a different perspective or I think, we forget about that perspective, and so for us it’s quite two-dimensional, long and short and therefore that’s too short. And so that’s one thing I completely agree with your view and a lot of times I think with that view a lot of those things that we think is terrible, can turns out to be the blessing because that leads to different things, so change of perspective. So first of all, I agree with you. I don’t think it’s weird and if people think it’s weird, think again, maybe it helps you. But the second thing– Karen: Yeah, change your perspective. But Suzie, that’s why I call my program The Gift of Loss. Sze Wing: Yes, and I think for some people it’s hard to accept but they should just hang on and listen further because it may bring them gifts. But that leads to what I actually want to ask you, I have to say that I completely agree with you. What I want to ask you is this, so let’s say we get this view, we get it. Now not us, but say our best friend, or our boyfriend, or our wife, something happened. They experience grief and then we have this view, but you cannot tell people this view so quickly, especially if they have grief. And how would you after working and teaching for so many years, how would you advise people send a partner or those who experience this tremendous loss, and having such a different perspective, then how do they help them to get into the Five Step or whatever other things? So the partner that could be feeling very helpless, so what would you say to them? Karen: “How’s it working for you?” Sze Wing Probably “not well”. Karen: “How is your belief working for you at this moment? How are you feeling? Are you able to get out of bed? Are you able to stop the feelings? The way that you are crying, the way that you are feeling so down, is that working for you?” And of course, they’re going to say, “No. The rest of my life is on hold because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to move on.” So then, the next thing is, “Would you like to try it a different way? Would you like to maybe just see if this works for you? And if it doesn’t, what have you got to lose?” Because doing loss the way that we’ve all been taught to do it, and we do it alone. And you’ve just got to look at our world. How is it working for all of us as a community? We have thriving alcohol and pharmaceutical industries. We have a suicide rate that is continually growing every year. So is the way we all experience loss, especially in the West, working for us? And I think most people will go, “No, it’s not.” And I just say, “Well, how about we just look at it a different way and see if it works, and if it does, fabulous, and if it doesn’t, well, you’re no worse off than where you are right now.” Sze Wing: Great. And I guess, from your experience, you created Live, Love By Design, and can you tell us a little bit about what it means to entail, and also, I think, within that business, you have the Beyond Loss program, so tell us all about it, of the practical side of things, so if people wanted to find out more, they know what’s next. Karen: Okay, cool. Thanks. So the reason I call my business Live, Love By Design is because I realized that I wasn’t living and loving my life. And most of us don’t take the time to actually design a life that we can live and love. Most of us don’t even take the time to actually decide what success means to us. We buy into everyone else’s version of it, and we wonder why it doesn’t work for us. So that’s why I purposely called my business Live, Love By Design, because I wished that in my 20s, I had actually taken the time to design it. Sure, it was probably going to need to be tweaked all the time because, as we said, things are going to happen to us that will throw us onto a different course and stuff like that, but it is the fact that once you’re consciously, “Well, I’m designing my life to live and to love it, I will just continuously move it or tweak it or do whatever.” So before I go into the Beyond Loss program and the Gift of Loss Five Steps, it’s really important for every one of us to know and to remember, because I’m a great believer in we already know everything, it’s just a matter of us remembering it, so for every relationship, there’s two people in every relationship but there’s three aspects to every relationship that we all need to be aware of. The first one is the physical aspect, and that’s the way that we hang out together, the things we do, the things we say and the way we touch each other. The second aspect is the emotional aspect. And that’s the way that we feel about each other. And it’s all-encompassing of all of our feelings and as we know, with every relationship we will go through all of the different feelings. The good, the bad, the glad, and the sad. And then the third aspect is the spiritual part. Now, that’s the intangible. We know we’re connected. We’re not really sure why. We just know that we are connected to this person, place, or thing. We connected from the first time we met each other, didn’t we? We instantly went– Sze Wing: Intuition. The inner knowing. There’s this thing. You cannot put a finger on it. Karen: Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. We don’t really know why but we just know, “You know what? She’s my sort of girl. She’s probably part of my soul family for us to go that place”. So when the loss event occurs, and it doesn’t matter what the loss event is, the physical relationship ends. Because you will no longer hang out together the way you used to, you will no longer speak to each other, touch each other, all of those things that you did before. Whether they’re dead or alive, it doesn’t matter. The physical relationship will change. So if you looked at death or divorce, the physical will change, though the emotional and the spiritual will live on forever. And what causes us to grieve and suffer is our emotional relationship because our unconscious mind goes into this emotional loop, right? Of continually saying, “Why did I say that? Why didn’t I say that? Why did I do that? Why didn’t I do that? Why did we postpone that? Why did we take that action? Why did we take this inaction?” So it continually goes until you complete the relationship. Karen: So what my gift of loss five-step process does, it assists you to have a healthy emotional relationship moving forward because we complete all of those things that we are more than likely unconscious of, we bring them to the conscious through the five steps, so that you can then complete them and then you can have a healthy emotional relationship moving forward. Now, for every single person who is listening and is divorced and does not have a good emotional relationship with any relationship And that’s the fear of this process and of course, once we know the process, we have it the rest of our lives. And the fact that loss is going to continually keep coming to you, isn’t it amazing just to have a process to go, “Oh. Okay. Right. I’m in loss. These are the five steps. Thank you very much, Karen. I can do them by myself. I can move on, have a healthy emotional relationship. Right. Sze Wing: Yeah. Definitely. Whether it’s loss of loved ones or divorce or, let’s say, not divorce but things that happen in our life. There will be difficult times in your life. It could be losing a job or it could be losing a house. Whatever that is– or, not losing it but there will be times when we feel emotional and we’re sad. Karen: Yeah. You’re right. Moving house is one of the loss event. You decide to down size but house is an extension of you. So you do the process and you honor it and you move on and then you have a healthy emotional relationship and that’s to stop that grieving and suffering and stop that is causing them to grieve and suffer. Sze Wing: So I think that really helps for me to hear that our listeners hear that if they’re going through something really challenging, this can really help them. Karen: Yeah. This is just a deep-dive in, asking yourself the right questions, coming up with the right answers, and you’ll come up, you will realize that to acknowledge the relationship is about. It’s like our heartbeat. It’s up and down, up and down. And it’s about honoring yourself as much as the other person in that relationship. Sze Wing Yeah. So tell us a little bit more about the programs you run. So if people want to take the next steps, what they involve, and all that. I lead my retreats to make their life easier in all areas. So I have face-to-face here but not at the moment. And when this all happened, I thought it’s best to take all online. to do the work and all that sort of stuff. It’s really important for people to understand that all of my programs are for those who are willing to invest in themselves, not only money, but time because you’ve got to be prepared to take the time to deep dive in, and to do all of the work, right? Because if you don’t– so many people invest money in themselves, but they’re not prepared to do the action steps. And nothing is going to happen unless you do the action steps. You’ve got to act to move forward. Just paying the money doesn’t make it work. And I clearly say that to people, “Are you prepared to do this? Because at times it’s going to be tough.” It is going to be tough because we realize it’s so easy to blame, isn’t it? And if you break down the word blame, you have “bla”, and you have “me”. Now, most people, when they’re in the blame game they go, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” And they forget about me because it’s what they expect for themselves. And that’s what making our lives even better. But, do you know what? I give him (Dan)all my credit. For everything I do, I’m a completely different person to who I was before. I limited myself in my corporate space. I would look at the CEO and I’d go, “Wow, look at him, or look at her. Look at them standing out there in front of people. There’s no way I could do that.” And now look at me, you can’t get me off the stage. You’ve got to get the hook out to drag me off, sort of thing. But it’s because we do limit ourselves. We don’t realize how much we can do. So that’s what I help people see. To see how beautiful they are and to get rid of that baggage that we all carry around for so long. Sze Wing Well, thank you so much. I think it really is go back to what we talk about the very beginning, sometimes the loss that we experience is not one-dimensional, it brings other kind of gift, but also the most important thing is take a pause to really figure out what it means to us and who are we, who am I, and who I want to be next? So it kind of like the conversation go back to all the way home about knowing that take a pause, just stop doing what you were doing and think about it. It’s probably the most important .And sometimes without having particular challenge, just everyday life, we need to take a pause so that we check-in, we tune in, and we know who we are and what we’re doing. So thank you so much for your well of wisdom. Karen: Yeah, oh, thank you for having me, I loved meeting you. Sze Wing: And so if people want to connect with you directly or come to your webinars, or know more about you, what’s the best way to connect with you online? Karen: Okay, so I’ve got two websites, livelovebydesign.com and karenchaston.com. Chaston spelled C-H-A-S-T-O-N. And my webinar is simply karenchaston.com\webinar. Sze Wing And I will put all the links on the blog post so people don’t have to worry about spelling. They can just click. Karen: Oh, thank you. Sze Wing: Thank you so much for today, and I think a lot of people who are experiencing something difficult in their life or if their partner, or friends and family are experiencing this conversation will be very valuable for them as well. So thank you so much. Karen: Thank you
17 minutes | Nov 10, 2020
92. How to get unstuck from your thoughts and situations
It happens to everyone. More than we realized, the feeling of being stuck or jaded about a situation starts from a thought, but when we keep thinking about it, it gains momentum. Eventually that thought becomes so stubborn and unwilling to leave our mind. The negative feeling or even hopelessness grows. But the good news is, that thought may seem loud and true in our mind, it may not be true in reality. But the problem is when we are engaged in thinking, feeling and believing we are stuck in a situation, our minds are unable to come up with a solution. Our eyes can’t see the opportunities and our hears aren’t open to the lessons in store. So what do we do? Just pause and observe Instead of deliberately thinking our thoughts, sometimes our thoughts just randomly appear. There are millions of reasons why we think or feel a certain way and everyone has different triggers based on our past experiences. Perhaps it maybe just a bad day or a bad moment. When a negative or unpleasant thought appears, we don’t always have to engage and act on it right the way. When it startles us, we can simply pause and observe. Detach and step back. Next we ask ourselves, is it really our soul speaking to us, or most likely our ego self that tries to get our attention? Those thoughts that come under the brand wagon of “I am not good enough” or “It just won’t work for me” often come in the disguise of some kind of insight, but as a matter of fact, it is a moment when we are not truly being (or believe in) ourselves. If we can catch from that thought early and stop its momentum, it would be best. If not, here is my next strategy. Distract yourself and reset your mindset You may be able to list all the reasons why it is not working out for you or why you are stuck in a tricky situation. But once again, with that line of thinking, you are NOT going to be able to solve your problem. Just like what Albert Einstein famously said: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Consider the law of attraction, if you keep beating the drums of “I am not having enough money” or “All the eligible & good men/women are not available to me”, like attracts like, you will find all the reasons and evidence to show you why you think those thoughts. However, if you change your way of thinking and feeling by distracting yourself. For example, go for a nice walk, watch the sunset, read a book or even take a nap. In other words, raise your vibration, stop talking yourself further into the worries or fear. When you relax and feel better, you become less fixated on the problem itself, you may see a solution or change your mindset on it entirely. Fact check Now once we are able to distract our mind or soothe our hearts, another great way to get unstuck is actually to check the facts without all the strong emotions that may cloud our judgement. Are we really looking at all the angles? Do we really know for sure? Where is our blind spot? What may actually help us with finding a way out? More than sleep on it, pray on it This may seem passive, but it is not. It is along the same line as distracting our minds but added another layer. When we sleep, it is like hitting a reset button, with good night sleep, we may think clearer and our days seem more hopeful in the morning. That’s a start. Also, there are times where things are completely out of our control or we just won’t be able to foresee what is beyond what we know. It’s ok to say to the universe, I don’t know, please guide me through it. Leave it to the universe to do it work. I always believe the universe is conspired to make us happy and fulfilled. It has our best interests at heart. Sometimes it is we who are not listening or actually getting in the way. Don’t gamble, but invest So what I mean by don’t gamble is taking unnecessary risks. For example, you don’t like your day job, instead of quitting your job on an impulse, feeling great for about 3 seconds after you send that email or hang up the phone. Ask yourself deeper questions, invest your time and energy to go deeper on the reasons why. If you feel unfulfilled, find out what will make you feel fulfilled first. If you feel under-appreciated, find out if it is your boss or the company culture. Obviously, you may have a totally different example at hand, but the strategy is the same, invest your time and energy for the next 2 steps ahead first before you pull the plug. It is more satisfying when you can really feel it is the right decision, then call on it big time. If you enjoy this blog/podcast, you may also enjoy reading my free eBook: 21 Days of Inspiration – daily wisdom for living an inspired life. It is consist of 21 short passages. You can read it one-a-day or in any way you like! Simply go and download from this link here: https://szewingvetault.com/inspire/ Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me. Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it! Thank You!!
19 minutes | Nov 3, 2020
Celebrate Others’ Success
Recently I read an interview about how to maintain a strong and healthy marriage – one of the keys is to let them be who they are, and the other one is to be truly happy for their spouse’ success. It is exactly how I felt when my husband’s business won an award last year or when my first book was released, I could see he was really excited for me. I realized it is key to a good marriage and I also notice it is sometimes not so easily done – say if you have been struggling with your business or weight loss or trying to conceive or to find a romantic partner. When someone you know brought in the good news, you secretly feel sad for yourself. It can be hard not because we don’t want that for the other person, but it is the fear that we would never have it for ourselves. It is true if it a competition, like winning an Oscar, there is only 1 winner in that scenario, but chances are, most of us are not facing this type of direct competitions daily. More often than not, the way we fear falls into the zero-sum game category, where we say all the good men are taken or who is going to buy my products if they get yours, etc. We live in the fear that there is just not enough to go around. Another type of fear stems from unworthiness or question do we deserve that good thing, deep down. It is tiring, to say the least, and unproductive most of the time. Do you also notice it is far easier to be there for someone when they are wounded than truly happy for their success? I figured it all comes down to your attitude – if you are the type who see the glass is half full instead of empty, it is more natural for you to say: If she can do it, so can I! Another factor is how willing and capable you are to make peace with where you are. The ability to find gratitude in the unlikely moments. The truth of the matter is – we all want to same things – happiness, peace and joy. When we are stuck in that fear of lack, or negative self-talk and jealousy, we direct all our energy into the “I am not having what I want” mind space. Even if a good opportunity or perfect solution comes up, our mind wouldn’t be able to recognize it or act upon it. In another word, cultivating a good attitude is key to finding success or experiencing happiness. So next time, when you catch yourself feeling down because you somehow feel “less than” or unable to celebrate someone else’s success, remind yourself you can change that line of thinking. Draw a breath. Pause. Take a U-turn. Choose thoughts like: If it is possible for someone, it is possible for me – if it is right for me. The universe conspires to bring me joy, even if I don’t see the full picture right now. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change too. #positiveselftalk #celebratesuccess #changeyourmind #mindset #findingsuccess #happiness
36 minutes | Oct 27, 2020
90. How to write compelling non-fiction: Interview with Rhonda Salvestrini
Have you been thinking about writing your book? Perhaps it is your life story, your knowledge and wisdom or a fictional story. Regardless of what kind of book you have in mind, you may feel insecure, frustrated or overwhelmed in writing your book. That is where a writing coach can help you to move through it. For that reason, I am really excited to share with you my interview with Rhonda Salvestrini. Rhonda is a professional writing coach and a writer for over 25 years. We had such fun recording this interview as I love writing and learning from her experience as well. When I read through the transcript, I had another round of appreciation for her work, how to write good non-fiction and connect with our readers. I hope you will enjoy this episode as much as I do! You can listen to this podcast on this page, iTunes, Spotify or any major podcast platforms. Alternatively, you can watch our videos below. The transcript is right at the bottom as well. Rhoda Salvestrini is a writing coach. She is a professional writer for more than 25 years. She has helped writers to see the clarity through the chaos, overcome the hurdles of frustration transform and self-doubt. She has also supported aspiring authors to bring their story to life, long-time authors complete their memoir, and TEDx speakers bring the audience to their feet. Her mission is to help authors to feel energized and excited about the writing process; to find confidence in their voice, be inspired to write fearlessly, and connect with their audience through authenticity. Highlights How words can scare people because they can bring up emotions and fears Transforming self-doubt into creating something impactful Non-fiction books are purposeful and intentional, it needs structure How to write impactful non-fiction – you are still telling a story Start with your “Why” The relationship with your writing coach is a highly personal one, she needs to understand your why and give constructive feedback, at the same time, you can be open to being receptive and non-defensive The importance to connect to your readers emotionally Trust the process, be your authentic self instead of judging yourself Know your audience – who are you talking to? When it comes to writing, there are mechanics, but there is no one size fit all, the most important thing is to get the story out first Different forms of editing – taking your story from good to great It takes courage to write and to give it someone to edit/read but the reward is huge too If you would like to get in touch with Rhonda, please visit her website: https://www.rhondasalvestrini.com/ https://www.rhondasalvestrini.com/ Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me. Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it! Thank You!! Video https://youtu.be/EpBrzPjU0ao Transcript Sze Wing: Hi, everyone. I’m really happy because, today, joining me is Rhonda Salvestrini, and she’s the Writing Coach. First time I’m interviewing a writing coach. And I write books myself, so we got lots in common, and we had some fabulous chat before so I’m super excited. So a little introduction. So apart from being a writing coach, she is a professional writer for more than 25 years, and she has helped writers to see the clarity through the chaos, overcome hurdles of frustration, transform their self-doubt. We all face that, really, seriously, when we start to write a book or anything at all. She has also supported aspiring authors bring their story to life. Sometimes some of them are longtime writers trying to complete a memoir and also TEDx speakers bring the audience to their feet. So that is super cool. Many of us want to be on TED Talks so [laughter] good tips will be from Rhonda. She has a mission. It’s to help others to feel energized and excited about the writing process because, to be honest, many of us find it really hard, especially to find confidence, to find our voice, and to be inspired to write fearlessly. So everybody should connect with Rhonda if you are really thinking about writing or becoming an author. So welcome to my show, Rhonda. Rhonda: Thank you for having me. I’m so happy to be here. Sze Wing: Yeah. Great. So I’ve got a lot of questions to ask you. But first up, please tell us a little bit about your background. I know that you told me before, but in your own words, tell us, the audience, how did you become a writing coach? Rhonda: Right. So like you said, for 25 years I’ve been a professional writer. I was working in high tech. I’ve worked for companies like PlayStation and Teradata. I’ve ran communications departments, and I’ve always trained writers and coached writers. And outside of my professional field, I’ve always helped writers tell their stories, be it a blog post, be it a long-form article, or a book. I’ve always been the one they come to, and it’s been an organic growth, which I love. So for the past 12 years, I’ve been doing that, and my family said let’s lean into it wholeheartedly. And so I really wanted to step into coaching because I understand how fearful writing can be. In fact, this morning, I was on with a client and she said, “Words scare me.” So I don’t want people to be fearful of words, and I want people to get over the hurdle. So it’s really been my mission, like you said, to get people more excited about writing, and I know that’s my strength. It’s to help them through those hurdles and so that’s why I became a writing coach. Sze Wing: And I love what you just tell us about them the lady who says she’s scared of words. Because words can be scary if you used it in a way to scare people because it brings such an impact. Some of us bring our creativity through arts, as in dancing or music, and many of us like to write. And I think a lot of people probably find it easier to write but to create an impact is a different thing. I think that sometimes scare and frustrate people. There’s so much you want to say and share, but you want to bring it home. You want to create an impact and that’s not easy. I don’t know. When I think about writing, that’s what maybe– not scares me but hold me back because I want to do something great. But I also know that if I don’t start, I would not do anything. So creating something is better than creating nothing. And then I need people like you to help me to make it great maybe. [laughter] Rhonda: And you bring up a solid point. My expertise is in nonfiction and so you’re right. When a thought leader or an author, like yourself, you have so much to say but you don’t know how to structure it, I always say, “Let’s start with an outline. Let’s get down the ideas first and we’ll fill it in.” But get everything out, because maybe there’s two books in you. Maybe there is a combination of books that you can pair up. There are so many different idiosyncrasies that we can look at. But let’s make sure you’re getting all of that information out, regardless, even on your first draft. I mean, Ernest Hemingway said it best that your first draft is shit, and he’s right. But that’s the time where you let yourself just write fearlessly. Don’t judge yourself. Don’t self-edit. Just give yourself the space to really write. And with nonfiction it’s very intentional, not saying that fiction isn’t. But nonfiction is very purposeful. It’s very intentional. So we want to get everything out, all of those golden nuggets, to see where we are and to see how we can structure it and move forward. And like I said, maybe have another book out of it. Sze Wing: I love what you said. And really, I already got two more questions. One of them is that, when we take classes or when we– for example, I do a lot of online courses to do with creativity or learning how to write and so forth. And a lot of them actually focus on fiction, about plot, about structure, not so much about nonfiction. And you were right. We still need to go through a process for nonfiction because you want to have a good nonfiction book, not a boring manual, right? Rhonda: You’re still telling a story at the end of the day. Sze Wing: Yes. Yes. So I’m really interested. I mean, partly for myself as reason, because I’m a nonfiction writer. So do you have a particular process? I was primed to ask about writing process, but this could be a coaching process with nonfiction writer. So we got so many things we want to share, or personal experience, or. Like teachers, right? You got something you want to share that can help people. So is that a process that you use or recommend because– like back to what you said, you still have a story to tell, I’ll make it interesting, not a manual. Rhonda: You’re right. You want it to be impactful. So we start with your why. Why are you writing this book? What is your objective for this book? And it’s interesting that you mentioned a teacher, because one of my clients is a school administrator here. And he’s writing a book about how broken he thinks our public school system is here in the states. So let’s get back. Let’s pull the layers back. Why do you want to write this book? Really, what is the message you want to get out to your audience? How do you want to position that message? When I talk with my clients, I really want to understand, at a deeper level, why they want to write this book. And one of my clients, the school administrator, said to me he didn’t want to come across as angry. And so when I did read a sampling of his book, it was. And so I was glad that he said that. So we had something to work with that we knew a position to take. But we always want to start at the beginning, and I want to see an outline so I understand your journey. Because what’s in your head isn’t in mine. I’m gonna see your story differently. But I really want to understand why you want to do this, where your heart is in it, and really the message that you want to send to to your audience. Who are you speaking to? Who is your audience? So I think it’s those little things that we need to figure out before we start diving into the story anyway. Sze Wing: Wow. Perfect because – I don’t know – okay, so many things here. Number one, everybody should have a writing coach like Ronda [laughter]– Rhonda: Thank you. Sze Wing: Especially nonfiction because, I think, people sometimes don’t think about it. But I won’t say that your book is like a business asset. But if you want to share your message, you want people to buy your book or at least read it, right? And even if you give a free copy – some of us may have free copy – you still want people to read it. So there’s a strategy behind how you position yourself so that people actually want to read it. And they say there’s so many books out there. And not all of us– everybody have very limited time. So to actually get your material being read, you actually need to be grateful Sze Wing: And you got this– what you said was gold because I think how you position yourself is so important. And sometimes, we have all the information in our head. We need someone like you, standing outside from my head and a third-person perspective, and tell us how you think you can position this and market this so that more people can read your book. It’s not about just business marketing. It’s actually how we’re going to spread the message. And that’s so important. And I think, now when you talk about it, I think about my books, that I need to have that conversation with someone like you to say, “I know what you want to say. But you say you don’t want to be angry. But – sorry – I think you sound angry.” Rhonda: And I want to say, too– your writing coach– it’s a very personal relationship. You want to make sure that you click. And not everyone will click with each other. So you have to make sure that you can be honest with one another, that you can receive the feedback in a positive light. You see it as constructive. You don’t see it as defensive. So it’s very important that you have that open relationship and that you feel very comfortable with your writing coach because you’re going to get into a very personal journey. Writing is personal in and of itself, whether you’re writing fiction or nonfiction. It’s very personal. And you’re on a journey. So you want to make sure that writing coach is going to help you along with your journey. And then you’re going to enjoy the ride. Sze Wing: Yeah. That is so true. And it’s just like anything. It is all about personal relationship. And, obviously, if you click with your writing coach, then you can bring the message out better. And we all need that. So who do you think needs a writing coach? Is it everybody or a first-time writer or even seasoned writer? What do you say when people ask you who needs a writing coach? Rhonda: I think everybody needs a writing coach. I need a writing coach when I’m writing. Like you said, it’s a different perspective. It’s fresh eyes. It’s someone who’s going to look at your piece and see something in it that you don’t. That’s the big key factor, someone who is going to walk you through the overwhelm, someone who’s going to help you see the nuggets that you’re writing and help you pull them out to enhance them and expand upon them for your reader. So everybody who is serious about their writing, I think, needs a writing coach. And that can span very different genres and very different industries. I help CEOs. I help authors. I help coaches. So it’s not just specific to authors. There are so many different people who want to write something, be it, like I said, a long-form article, a book, an industry piece. The help of a writing coach will get them further along faster and help them really feel confident in what they’re putting out. Sze Wing: Yeah. And one other thing is that no matter what, as you say, whether it’s a speech or an article or a book, I think one other thing is that especially with non-fiction, it’s so easy to fall into a trap that we’re trying to tell people something rather than show them. So nobody wants to be told. We want to sort of learn the lesson in our own way. I can imagine same CEO that you can help them to drop a speech that we can move people to tears versus bored people to death even though he’s the same guy. Rhonda: And that’s a perfect example. I mean, I hope that this non-profit founder write his memoir about his son who he lost to medical negligence. And he was so close to the story that he wasn’t taking his reader on a journey. He was. He was just talking at them through his words. So I had to let him know that people don’t know that your immediate family has 22 people in it. You need to tell them. People don’t understand the pain that your son was going through. You need to express it in a different way. So it’s those little nuances that will help create such a more enriching story, something that’s so deep and moving or something that’s funny or something that’s informative. So that’s where I think a writing coach really helps. Sze Wing: Definitely. I cannot agree with you more because when we’re too close to it, we don’t see. And sometimes you need someone to really– that’s actually a skill as well. I guess some writer– a very seasoned writer you can tell that they have been doing it like they have 30 books. Sometimes they really get that part how to make sure they don’t fall into those traps. But I think working with someone always bring you fresh energy and perspective but new impulses as well. So I guess that lead to my next question. Why are you so passionate about helping aspiring authors? So what do you get out of it in that sense? Rhonda: I’ve always been passionate about words. I love words. I always say that I’m not numbers– I’m words. And I’ve just always been very passionate about helping people tell their stories. I watch people struggle with writing. And I don’t want them– I don’t want it to be that hard. I want them to enjoy the process. And so I really have this passion for helping people tell their stories. And I think that’s where I’ve– this is why I’ve landed where I have. I’m really feeding my soul and helping them speak their passions. Sze Wing: Okay. Yeah. What came to my mind was this: I also love words and I love good writing. I was just reading a book yesterday. It’s the same. It was a very dry topic. But that is a really great writer. And she make it fun. And I also love people who write really deep and meaningful things. So I love words. But my little burning question is so I married a guy who has very few words. And I felt that people who love words tend to marry a guy with very few words. I wonder is your husband very few words? Rhonda: So quiet. I’m the talker– absolutely the talker. I’m the one who breaks the ice at a party. I’m the one who introduces us to strangers. But once he gets to know people he does speak more. But yes, he’s a man of few words. Sze Wing: Yeah. Rhonda: And he’s a numbers guy. Sze Wing: And similar to my husband. I don’t know. I’m not drawing statistics here, but I have this tendency to feel people like us tend to marry a guy with few words so we can speak more. I don’t know. But that– Rhonda: Right. No, I think it’s just that yin and the yang of it. Sze Wing: Yes. Well yeah. That’s a nice way to put it. Rhonda: Because you’d have two chatting people. Sze Wing: But sometimes the thing is that he has great one-liners but it’s one-liners. Rhonda: Oh, and that’s it. And you’re like, “Wait I’m stuck holding the conversation here.” Sze Wing: Yeah. On paragraphs. Rhonda: You’re right. I can use that on paragraphs. He’s a one-liner. I love that. Sze Wing: And the funny thing is that sometimes I want to tell him an experience or something. And I feel I’m giving a speech that you should move to tears. And then he would go, “I agree.” I’m like, “Wow. If that’s a speech I’m going to give tomorrow, I really should worry,” like, “Do you feel anything?” Yes. Rhonda: Right. I know. This morning, I had gone to a– I was invited to a networking event. And there was just so much positivity and so much energy and so much collaboration. And I started telling my husband about it. And I felt like I spoke for a good 15 minutes straight. And I said to him, I said, “Wow. I’m really talky today.” He’s like, “Yep.” Just left it at that. Sze Wing: And the thing is that sometimes I wonder oh my god. What if maybe my speech wasn’t good. You don’t want to practice something on him. But then sometimes he would say yes but there’s an emotional reaction in the face. So I felt maybe even tears in the eyes or maybe that’s the one I should be looking for. It’s not about what people say and it’s how they feel. Rhonda: It’s interesting you say that though because it is about emotion as well. So we want to see that when we’re talking to other people but when we’re reading someone’s book, when we’re reading someone’s article or blog post it’s how it makes us feel. And so we’re getting that emotion out of it. And so we always want to make sure we’re using our emotion through our words. And so we’re connecting with our audience that way. Sze Wing: I think that’s really the skill and the craft about good writing because you’re supposed to move people. Again, you show or you connect, you move them. You’re not telling them because that will be very annoying if someone tells you like you know you should feel this way if you read this. Rhonda: Right. You want to have your own opinion about the piece. And that was one of the beautiful things when I helped the founder write his book, the founder of the nonprofit. In the end, the reviews we received were that people sat down and read it in one sitting because they didn’t want to put it down and they were moved to tears at the end. And that to me was such a joy because I was able to help him tell his story and it touched and moved so many people. So I think that’s where a writing coach can really help an author tell their story. Sze Wing: Okay. So that’s something I really want to ask you. Now we all want to have that review. It was a page-turner. It moved me to tears. But a lot of us feel that we may have a good story. We may have some good material. But how do we– I mean is it something like everybody can write a page-turner? Really that’s something that I think a lot of aspiring writers struggle with that, you feel that you can’t write such a good book. I mean, can we really do it? That’s often the question. What do you say to that? People really wanted to create something like that. Rhonda: Regardless, you’re still creating something great you’re still doing it. And I think when we judge ourselves is where we have our limitations. We impose that head garbage in those self-doubts rather than just pouring our whole self into it. And I think that’s where a writing coach really comes in handy, if you will, because I help you really just get outside of yourself. And don’t get me wrong I get stuck in my head too when I’m writing. But if we get out of our own way and just really write with our hearts and really tell our story, be it funny, be it sad, be it be informational. If we’re talking from our hearts we can’t be questioned and we can’t be told it’s a bad story. If someone says that there is a bad story or they’re criticizing you then that’s not your audience that’s not who you want to speak to. Sze Wing: It feels like you’re talking about we just have to trust it. Like say we really got a story to share we really feel moved to share experience or something we have learned. We’ll just have to trust that isn’t it that you have to follow that. And do you have any tips or ways that you can help people to get into that zone or what some people say finding your voice, getting to that sort of place? Rhonda: Yeah. No, you hit the nail right on the head. We have to trust the process. The process might be messy. It might take a left turn sometimes but you have to trust the process. And the one beautiful thing with nonfiction is finding your voice as being your authentic selves. So trusting yourself trusting that the voice you have will speak to an audience, even if it’s just one person, although we want to speak to many. We want to just touch someone in some way, and if we’re using our authentic voice, nobody can fault us for that. And so as long as you really trust in yourself, trust in your process. And when you hit some hurdles, you find ways to get through them with a writing coach or with some tools that I can help with or tools you collected along the way like taking a walk sometimes or doing something other than your book. That will help you get through the stuck, if you will, to really concentrate on what you want to tell your audience in a very authentic, transparent way, that shows your vulnerability, and that just creates a lot of trust with your audience as well. Sze Wing: And some people talk about how all this, that we want more than one person who read what we write, but some people talk about kind of you have to write to that one person, as in like an avatar or something. What’s your take on that? Do you advise that or do you do it yourself, that you kind of write to a person? Is that how it works for you? Rhonda: That’s what I do and that’s what I recommend to my clients, especially when they’re stuck. I’ll say, “Who is your audience? Who are you writing to?” And to me, when you’re writing, you’re really having a conversation. Perhaps it might be a little more formal than you would talk to somebody, but a good practice if you’re stuck especially, is to sit down and just have a conversation with that person. In your head, speak it out loud as you’re typing and pretend like you’re having a one on one conversation. I’ve had some clients tape a picture of somebody up on their monitor to help them. Whatever tricks help. But one thing that I do when I’m writing if I’m writing a blog post or an industry article, I verbally say out loud who am I speaking to. And then I get myself in this more relaxed state, where I slow down. And a lot of times I’ll start with pen and paper because pen and paper slows you down. It slows your thinking down. Studies have shown that you get into a more focused state. You have more concentration. So I start with that. Another trick, dedicate time to write, and I tell my clients to start with 30 minutes. Just 30 minutes so you don’t feel overwhelmed by it. Have a dedicated space, where you can be uninterrupted for those 30 minutes, and get yourself into a writing place in your head, where you’re comfortable, where you’re excited to go into that room or your little corner of the world, and write. Set your timer and write and just be focused on that and let all of the other distractions go away for that time. Sze Wing: So when you write to that of avatar or that person, does that have to be a real person or can that be imagined person? How does that work in that sense? You’re speaking to somebody so it becomes more personal. But does it have to be someone you know? Other grieving mothers, for instance, for example. So how does it work? Rhonda: It’s all based on who do you want to reach. So for instance, you say other grieving mothers. If you’re the only one and you haven’t joined a group of other grieving mothers, then you have to make someone up, of course. Sze Wing: And that’s okay? Rhonda: It’s always different and that’s totally okay. Whatever works for you. It’s a very personal journey. There’s no one size fits all when it comes to writing And yes there are mechanics. Don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want to get stuck in that. Let’s get your story out. Let’s deal with the mechanics later. Sze Wing: So you kind of do both, you help to inspire and then you help support them to get the word so get over the initial hurdle about confidence or who to speak to. And then there are mechanics involved so it’s sort of both yin and yang together. Rhonda: Yeah. So we’ll go ahead and we’ll do the writing, coaching, and then I also offer developmental editing which really works on the structure of your book to make sure you have a nice flow of information. And then I also have customized packages so we can do deeper editing to go through the mechanics and to go through the copywriting and the proofing. Yes. Sze Wing: So that’s really good because, for those who may be interested to write something that there are different kinds of editing you mentioned, there’s the developmental, the copy editing, and then at the end of course proofreading. So for those that may not be familiar, can you tell us a little bit about it. Because many writers talk about your first draft really. It’s often very far away from your finished book because it’s so important to get your first draft out but then that’s actually a lot of work into it, and editing is super important. So tell us a little bit more about it because I think would be very helpful. Rhonda: Right. So with there are so many different aspects to editing. Your first draft could be your 5th draft could be your 10th draft. Do you want to self-edit, maybe? Do you want to have a manuscript review, maybe by a third person? So with developmental editing, like I said we’re going to look at either a personal piece of your manuscript or all of it and we’re going to go through and look at the structure look at what you’re trying to achieve and see your flow of information and how I can help you tell your story better with just moving some things around. And look at what needs to be expanded on. Do we have contexts? Are we really telling the reader everything that we can about this piece. It’s really taking your story from good to great. Now there are different processes and some people do them differently. You’ve got the copy editing where you’re going through the sentence structure, you’re going through the mechanics of writing, you’re looking for typos, you’re looking for sentence fragments. The “who” “what” “where” “why” and “how “all of that, the adjectives. The nouns, is everything you used correctly? And then at the end, you have the proofing. And with the different levels of editing, you can go through different rounds and it’s important that you have fresh eyes on your writing. You don’t want to spend two hours writing and then go right into editing. You want to give it some space, give your head some space, give the book some space, and let it breathe. Because when you come back you’re going to have a different perspective. You’re going to have fresh eyes. You won’t have looked at it multiple times. Because we tend to have that blindness when we’re looking at something over and over again and if a word is missing we won’t see it because we’ve looked at it so many times. So oftentimes I say to my clients, “Let your piece breathe for a day or to a week. And then come back to it with just a fresh perspective so that you can see what’s missing and see what’s wrong. Sze Wing: And yeah that’s a fantastic way of explaining all this. And I know that some people really need developmental editing. Some people maybe have done a lot of work or they know what they talk about or they have experience. They don’t read as much but I think every project and every person is different. And I cannot agree with you more about the leaving it– almost like, is it wine or whiskey that you have to let it breathe for a while. Rhonda: Wine. Sze Wing: Then when you come back to it, and then that will be more mature and ready. Because the same for me when I’m working on my current book. I think I got it, but then because of the baby and everything, I pack it and now I’m complete deconstructing it and then putting it back in a very different way. And sometimes a lot of books come to your life and you realize, “Oh that’s a really great structure,” and then I want to borrow from it or something. Rhonda: But isn’t it exciting for you to come back and see your book in a whole new light, see your manuscript in a whole new light? You look at what you created and you have these fresh ideas and these new ways that you want to structure it, so that it will be even better than what you have originally. Sze Wing: Yeah. And I think you talk about trust early on and that’s the thing, because I felt I’d got content, I got the material, but I felt something isn’t quite right, as in, I would say maybe it’s the structure or the format or something and I couldn’t put my finger on it. And I just need to pack it and I trust that inner guide in saying pack it, don’t rush, don’t try to push it out. And then now, after actually a couple of months because I have a baby in between, now I have a completely different way of trying to tell the story or a complete different structure from the get-go, and that only came about because I leave it enough time and space. So for some people maybe weeks, days, for me a couple of months but I think it’s about the trust again that you need to listen to your inner voice, whether it’s ready to give it to someone to look at, or you need to wait and something is yet to happen. I think that’s a fine line because sometimes we need to trust and then wait for the right time. Sometimes we are overdoing and it just that we’re scared of give it to someone. So what do you say to people in that really challenging, great, fine line? Rhonda: Oh, you bring up an amazing point. Yes. It’s that fear. The fear of giving it to someone. Let me back up a little bit, in that I want to point out what you were saying where we give it time to breathe. We don’t want to rush a book. I mean, there are so many people out there who say, “Oh, we could write your book in a day. We could write your book in a couple of months.” Don’t do that. I don’t encourage that. I encourage you to take your time and I always say to my clients, this is going to be a journey and it’s going to take a better part of a year. So let’s hunker down and really know that this is what we’re getting into. But you’re right, when it comes to allowing someone to see what you’ve written, you have to have trust that you’re going to get positive and constructive feedback, and you just have to know that you’re going to take your book to a new place by allowing someone else to look at it. And don’t be fearful of the criticism, even though you are because that’s just naturally who we are. We don’t want to be judged. But that’s a hurdle to get over and it’s only going to improve your book that much more by doing so, by letting someone else into your world. I mean, it’s really a gift. You’re gifting someone into a very private world of yours that you’ve been so focused on and now you’re letting someone else see it. It’s truly a gift. Sze Wing: Well I always say that from trust we’re going to move into brave, because you have to be brave to show it to someone. Because as you said, it’s only going to be better if they give it to someone that you know is going to help you. It’s like going to see a dentist, if that makes sense? Rhonda: Sure, and it takes courage too. It takes a lot of courage, to not only write your book but it does take courage to say to somebody, “Okay, here it is. Take a look and let me know what you think.” Sze Wing: That’s why, like we said in the beginning, you have to have a positive relationship, because it’s like giving someone your baby. Rhonda: Absolutely, it is your baby. Sze Wing: You kind of need someone to look after it properly. Not being too cruel and all that. Yeah. So it’s so wonderful to come to this point because I think we cover about trust and about being brave, and I think if someone has a book in them and want to further their writing, definitely I think what we talk about really highlight how important it is to work with someone. So if people want to get in touch, what’s the best way to get in touch with you and find out how they can work with you? Rhonda: So I invite everyone to visit my website at rhondasalvestrini dot com and schedule a free 15-minute developmental call with me, a discovery call level where we will talk about your project, kind of the frustrations you’re going through, and hopefully see whether I can help. Sze Wing: Fantastic. So I will put the full name of your website on the blog post as well so don’t worry about the spelling, and everyone can connect with you. And I’m really excited to share this podcast because I know you’re going to help a lot more people to become, and also if not, becoming a better author, myself included. So really thank you so much for joining us today. Rhonda: Thank you. Sze Wing: And thank you.
23 minutes | Oct 20, 2020
89. Are you tired of judging yourself and others?
Do you sometimes hear yourself having a dialogue inside your head about what you just said or how you may have come across in a situation with others? I’ve noticed lately about my increasing mind chatter. It happens because I have entered a couple of new social groups. One is at my gym and the other is with mums who just had a second baby. Here is the thing, we are often out of our comfort zone when we move to a new area, start a new job or meet new people. We haven’t established whether or not we are accepted to the new tribe or if we feel a sense of belonging to the new setting. All of a sudden we become more aware of who we are and what we represent. More often than we would think, we judge ourselves on big and small things. In many ways, judgement is a learned experience. I remember this incredible scene in a movie I saw years ago, a very mean step-dad asked his step-son to rate himself between 1-10. Just like that. Nothing specific. Totally random. The son was a shy boy and with reluctance, he quietly uttered: “I don’t know. Six?” (I guess this is his way of saying he thinks he “passed” the test somehow) The step-dad replied, “Hmm… I think you are more like a Three to me.” I know, what is that? Totally mean. And of course, the step-dad said all the mean things to cover up his own insecurity and frankly, unkindness. He picked on this teenage vulnerable step-son. But it is not uncommon that when we judge others, we also inevitably judge ourselves. There are some healthy scenarios that we do need to judge others. Let’s say you are in a sports competition or martial art fight, you need to size up your opponent. But in our daily life, we have a tendency to do just about the same. Comparing ourselves to others in ways that are often unnecessary. Perhaps it comes from our human nature or survival instinct. But when we judge ourselves harshly, it becomes counterproductive and disconstructive. When our digital age and social media glorifies instant gratification and perfection, we are under tremendous pressure to “look” a certain way and “like” by many, all are different ways of validating that we need to belong and accepted by others. From this perspective, how can we not become more judgemental towards ourselves? If you hear someone begins a sentence with “I don’t mean to judge, but …” it is a warning sign. More than likely that you are about to hear a ton of judgement disguising as “honest opinion”. When our minds are filled with judgement, whether or not it is towards ourselves or others, it is not a nice neighbourhood to live in. The act of judgement also weights our spirit down. In order to soar, we must become kinder to ourselves and others. We don’t know the full story behind someone’s success, failure, appearance, behaviour and so on. Mirroring that, people don’t know you the way you do. If someone is unkind to you, remind yourself that it is actually not your business. The only business you have is how you respond and react to them. Being kind and gentle with yourself when you are feeling vulnerable is a practice. And it is not always easy. Sometimes we react in a way that we will later regret, we don’t always get it right. But it is ok. As long as will try to do it better next time. It is a practice and a work in progress. Think about an area in your life that you tend to judge yourself or compare to others. Is it a healthy or unhealthy scenario? How does it make you feel? Does it motivates you somehow or actually weight you down, and as a result, you find yourself in procrastination or denial? What would happen if every time you want to say something judgmental to yourself, you pause and take a breath. Then, you consciously switch to say something loving and empowering instead? For example, when you catch yourself saying: You are not good enough —> switch to —> Look at how far you’ve come I was so stupid, I should have known better —> If I’ve known better, I would have done better No one cares about what I think —> I have a mind of my own and it is under my will to share it or not I wish he/she will behave differently —> It is beyond my control how people act but it is absolutely under my control with the ways how I respond He/she made me feel small —> I take 100% responsibility with how I feel We can take our power back by letting judgment go and letting love in. Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me. Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it! Thank You!!
38 minutes | Oct 13, 2020
88. Emotional Evolution: Interview with Lisa Jayne
How often do you sit with your emotions and try to understand why you feel the way you do? Many of us are brought up with an attitude that being rational is better or we should stop being “so emotional“. Certainly if we are acting against our better judgement because we are overly emotional over a matter is not a good thing. But so is denying or ignore our emotions and only rely on our thinking without our feeling. Don’t get me wrong, both rationale and emotion have its place, they both can give us important information that to help us to make better decisions. Some said being confident is a learned skill. I say, being able to understand and stay in touch with our emotion is also a learned skill. So today I have an interview with Lisa Jayne precisely on this subject matter to share with you. Lisa Jayne is an author, speaker and visionary for the path of Emotional Evolution. With over 15 years experience as an Emotions Practitioner and Educator, she has accompanied thousands of individuals into their emotional worlds and become a passionate advocate for mastering the ability to use our feelings to access ‘flow’, purpose and incredible inner freedom. Lisa works in her private practice and with audiences, virtually, through her workshops and as a speaker. Lisa has channelled her passion for large scale impact into Bunji Global – a free, on-demand, not-for-profit platform that provides mainstream and alternative emotional and mental health support for people when they need it, without barriers to access. Through education and therapy that supports individuals to meet short term emotional needs with ease and effectiveness, Bunji Global aims to impact the prevalence of long term emotional patterns that disrupt relationships, foster mental illness and lead to PTSD. Interview Highlights Emotional Evolution – what it is and why it is so important Women have a higher tendency to share their feelings as compare to men. We want to become more aware of what our emotions are telling us, instead of reacting to our emotions. We want to become more empowered by having a better understanding of our emotions. For Athena women – logical, analytical and pragmatic women who spend most of the time in our heads. We tend to think our way through everything and not necessarily have the inside-out approach. We often expect or subconsciously want other people to meet our emotional needs. And what emotional evolution does is we seek to create connection and unity in every moment. We want to be able to communicate in a way that doesn’t blame our partner or create division. Our feelings show us if we are out of alignment, and if so, we can ask ourselves, how can we own that feeling? What can I do to change my behaviour? What do we need to do in order to take our power back in creating freedom and relief? Use our emotions as GPS As children, we look to our parents to meet our emotional and physical needs, but as adults, we need to learn and start to take self-responsibility as you are the only person that can ever meet your emotional needs. How to harness the power of love during COVID 19 and isolation times Understand when we need to be reminded about true acceptance and when we need to communicate boundaries without withdrawing love. When you are burnt out – think about how to re-fill your cup Bunji Global – a platform where therapists can donate their time so that people who need immediate health and mental support can access the platform to find a therapist without any financial limitations to block their access The reason it needs to be immediate is because the long-term problems of PTSD, suicide, social anxiety, etc wouldn’t be there if we’re able to reach out and get help. There are times we might not want to see a mainstream practitioner. You might need to see someone that can do past life regression or an acupuncturist. Bunji helps to level the playing field between mainstream and alternative health support. Early intervention or seeking help is a better option than waiting for a problem to become a crisis. To learn more about Lisa Jayne or Bunji Global, please visit: www.iamlisajayne.com www.webounceback.com.au Find me on iTune or Spotify Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me. Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it! Thank You!! Video https://youtu.be/ogIHNJypaMA Transcript Sze Wing: Hi, everyone. I’m really happy to have Lisa Jayne with me today. I met her not so long ago but I was blown away by her work and her initiatives. So I thought it would be incredible to get her to be my guest today. So welcome to my show, Lisa. Lisa: Aw, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. It’s been beautiful connecting with you. Sze Wing: Great. So first of all, I was going to start with an introduction for those who may not know who Lisa is. So Lisa Jayne is an author, speaker, and visionary for the path of emotional evolution, which we’re going to talk about, of course. She has over 15 years of experience as an emotions practitioner and educator. And she has a company, thousands of individuals in their own emotional journeys, and she’s a passionate advocate for mastering the ability to use our feelings to access flow, purpose, and incredible inner freedom. So obviously, Lisa works in a private practise with her audience virtually and through workshops and speaking engagements. But now, we often have to do it on Zoom. So that’s lots of things that you’ve done. I can see and I know a lot of people also connected with Lisa told me that as well. And recently, she has channelled her passion into something I’d really love to talk about today, called the Bunji Global. It’s a free, on-demand, not-for-profit platform that provides mainstream alternative emotional and mental health to provide support for people when they need it without barriers to access. Through education and therapy, they support individuals to meet short-term emotional needs with ease and effectiveness. So Bunji Global aims to impact the prevalence of long-term emotional patterns that disrupt relationships, also mental illness that leads to PTSD. So I guess, we have a lot to talk about today related to emotions, don’t we? Lisa: Now, I noticed that too, so we better cracking. Sze Wing: So first of all, I guess, I often like to ask my guests, first of all, you talked a lot about emotional evolution. So why it’s so important? Why are you passionate about it? How do you come to this– become such an advocate for this? Lisa: Okay. Well, the way I see it is that we actually– I believe the way we’ve been educated the way we live and the way we’ve been taught by our parents and our society, even what we see in our movies is sort of upside down. And what I’ve come to know is that if we approach our lives slightly differently, and even our relationships, based on different foundations, we can experience freedom and joy and we actually grow the beautiful loving feeling that we have in our hearts, which means that we feel this fear and insecurity. When I look out onto the world and I work with people and I observe what’s going on, I’ve noticed that we are very clever as a species. We’ve had so many evolutions. We’ve had mental evolutions, technological evolutions. We’ve had physical– I mean, now, so many people are aware of looking after their body and going to the gym. And we’ve even had the spiritual new age sort of movement where people are tapped into the more spiritual side of life. And yet, we still have eight suicides a week in Australia, which is astronomical, and that’s actually small compared most places. We still have really massive amounts of social anxiety. There are so many things that still plague us, if you like, as a species, even though we know all this stuff. And I believe that the key is the emotional evolution. And the reason that this is the key is that this has to do with our feeling world and actually not to do with our head. So we’ve been very good at learning more about stuff. We’ve been very good at understanding why things work. Most of us could tell you why we have these behaviours that we repeat. And yet, we still seem to be powerless over dissolving those patterns. And that’s because the solution is within our emotional world, not within our head. And so for me, the whole understanding of our emotional evolution is key to ourselves being completely empowered in our own lives and feeling clear and getting into alignment with our true purpose, which is what my purpose is. Sze Wing: And a couple of things already, one of the things is that we often hear people– you did talk about some of those very powerful statistics. And here’s the thing what pops up in my mind is that we often say women tend to talk about our problems and at least we share and guys tend not to. So because I know you work with a lot of individuals and groups, so you probably will have a better understanding and different perspective. And do you think it tends to be true that women tend to talk about it so we’re more aware of all these issues women have? While guys, they even don’t talk about it so maybe they’re not even part of the statistics. What’s your take on that? Lisa: Yeah. I do. I think in a way, I think we’re more capable of sharing. And I do believe that connection and reaching out and talking to people is so helpful whenever you’re in any sort of a situation. I still feel though that there’s a level that we haven’t gotten to, men and women, where we recognise our emotional need and we learn how to meet it ourselves. And that emotional evolution is a little bit scary because we have patterns that we’ve developed or strategies that we’ve had all of our lifetimes. So even for women, there’s another level that we can go to where we completely take back our power in situations. But working with a few men, I know that sometimes they can’t even get in touch with their feelings. So it makes it– I think often, they get to a place where they’re not even aware and they’re just reactive. So yeah, I do see that. But a lot more men are becoming aware now too and wanting to be more empowered in that realm of feelings. Sze Wing: Good sign. Another thing that came to my mind while we’re just talking was I work with goddess archetypes. And one of the types is Athena, which is the goddess of wisdom and craft, and she is typically someone very clever, a strategist, she sees the whole picture, and she is very successful in anything she does because she is very focused, very efficient. But the downside tends to be she’s always in her head. So because you were talking about how we tend to think our way through everything and not necessarily have the inside-out approach that where we think about how we feel or talk about emotion in a way that can be truly helpful. And I think that really rings the bell because I work with so many Athena women that may be very successful in the business until they hit the point where they may be triggered by becoming a mother or triggered because they realise, “Is that all that is?” And they want to get in touch with their inner voice more, less in the head, more in the heart. And that’s sort of like a trigger for– they need to have the emotion evolution in order to grow and mature , they kind of hit the ceiling. Because how much success do you want with a material one? They’re already CEOs, so. And I think it was really interesting when you brought that up. Lisa: But I also see that a lot of women– because let’s face it, women have these – and I’m not saying men don’t – but I’m saying I see a lot of women. We are capable of doing so much at once and doing it really, really well, and I see it all the time. These women that just have– they’re very successful in almost every area. And yet in their relationships, they have these dysfunctional relationships. I know I was one of those people. It’s like, “I don’t understand how I can be so smart and so on the ball and be able to run a business so well, and yet I’m in a relationship with this person, and I can’t figure out how to get it to work.” And I hear that story again and again. Sze Wing: Wow. Lisa: Are you waiting for me to tell you? [laughter] Sze Wing: Yeah. Okay. And then what happened? You said you included. So then you hit the point where you think, “Oh gosh. I kind of missed a step here.” And then what happened? Lisa: Yeah, so what happened for me is that I ended up realising that there was another way to be in a relationship, and I was just never taught. The way that we’re in a relationship is based on expecting or subconsciously wanting other people, like our partner, to meet our emotional needs. So even when something’s going down, we sort of want them to step in and help us, or we might blame, or we might get angry. If we’re feeling powerless over something, we end up maybe taking it out on our partner. All of those dynamics that we’re taught is normal, like this is a normal behaviour in a relationship, actually, it’s abnormal, and it’s so far away from who we are as human beings because it creates division. And what emotional evolution does is we seek to create connection and unity in every moment. So even if I’m feeling something, it’s my feeling, and I want to really work with what charge and own that and grow from that. And then I need to be able to communicate that in a way that doesn’t blame my partner or create division. I want to communicate it in a way that creates connection and understanding so that he can support me. Because honestly, we actually drive our partners away when we need them most, and that is just madness. And yet nobody even told me that. I couldn’t even see that I was doing that. Sze Wing: Do you think there’s something to do with the fact that we are so used to the masculine energy which is the competitive, the doing, the keep-going energy out there at work, and we tend to bring that masculine energy rather than the feminine energy when we’re at home in a relationship? Because you mentioned the word “connection” and “understanding”. It seems to me that’s part of the strength of the feminine power, which is about connection, communication, and understanding each other. Do you think that’s partly because we’re so used to wearing the masculine mask, and then we just wear it all day? [laughter] Lisa: I think it goes deeper than that, actually. The way I look at it is that we have a feeling, and we have an emotional charge on agitation. And the first thing we do is we go into our head to try and figure it out and analyse it, or we’re looking out to try and fix it, like, “What can we do to make this right? How do we–” so always doing this going outside. And we’re creating dynamics of victim-persecutor-rescuer often in the process of trying to deal with what’s happening. The emotional evolution comes when we go, “I’ve got a feeling. Oh, hang on a minute. I’m going to go in. I’m actually going to go and sit in who I am really am. I’m going to sit in the essence of me. I’m going to learn more about who I am. I’m going to tap into my innate power. And I’m going to sit there, and I’m going to question, ‘Well, what is this feeling? Where did it start? How did it get here? What has it got to do with? Where can I own this?’ and see where I might be putting myself in a position to be hurt.” I might be walking into a relationship or a situation often that really hurts me, and yet I haven’t stopped to look at my feeling. Because my feelings are telling me, they’re telling me that I’m not in alignment with myself. They’re telling me they’re an opportunity for me to see where I have walked away from myself. So if rather than keep walking away from myself and try to fix it, I come back and sit in myself and go, “Okay. What is it I need to do in this situation to take my power back? What is it that I need to look at? What is it I need to own? And how can I change my behaviour so that in this situation, I’m really served by this, so I can create more freedom, I can find some relief? Sze Wing: Sounds like our emotions are like the GPS, isn’t it? They kind of help? Lisa: Well, they do. They talk about that. And that’s absolutely true. So it’s seeing your emotions as a signal or as your friend, because they’re trying to bring you back to who you are. But then it’s also– the emotional evolution comes when not only do you do that, you actually put that into practice and you start to change your behavior, and you start to take self-responsibility to the point where you understand you’re the only person that can ever meet your emotional needs. And yet, as adults, we still are looking to our parents to meet emotion needs or our partners or even our kids. And it’s like, once we– because nobody can meet our emotion needs. They’re inside our body, really. And we try to meet other people’s emotional needs. We take feeling responsibility for people all the time. And that sets up an unhealthy dynamic, too. So it’s like that, coming back to that– and that is so empowering. Because there’s so much– you think about how powerful anger is. So if you take charge of your emotional needs, all of that power becomes the power that you have to live your life. So your life becomes so much more empowered. Sze Wing: That’s wonderful. In a lot of spiritual teaching, you talk about instead of harnessing the power of fear or anger – anger is also part of the fear – if you harness the power of love, you can do a lot more in your life, much more constructively. And now, talking about to harness the power of love, during this time we’re recording, it is still COVID-19, we’re in isolation. And I know that a lot suffer from being so isolated. And if they’re living by themselves, or maybe they’re not very used to using Zoom or other tools to connect with people, it is a really challenging time. What are your tips or advice? Because this is sort of your niche in your profession in this. So what would you do to help us to do a bit better during this time, harnessing the power of love, really? Lisa: Yeah. That’s beautiful. And I love the way that you’ve said that, “Harnessing the power of love.” Because essentially, it all comes back to that. So I’d like to suggest, if we sit in fear, and we feel frightened, then that takes us into our head. And it actually creates more fear. And it creates separation from our heart. And if you do that, you know the heart breath, where you just put your hand on your heart and you breathe into your heart for a minute? Your thoughts actually stop. And when your thoughts stop, it’s actually okay right now. Harnessing the power of love is about being able to sit in that space of the heart and of love, which feels good. Okay? So whatever’s going on outside, it’s not that we ignore it, and it’s not that we bury our head in the sand. But the thing is, we have to come to some acceptance around that, otherwise our well-being will be impacted. So we want to keep ourselves as empowered as we possibly can in this situation. Maybe so that we can help others or so that we can support others, but also so we can support ourselves. And that, to me, this is a beautiful opportunity to go, “Okay, I’m going to try and live in my heart more.” Which means I have to see the things that stop me from living in my heart. Right? So if you want to live in your heart, and you’re feeling afraid, then the fear is going to stop you from getting into your heart. So what can I do about the fear? And investigate it. “Why am I feeling fear? Okay, I feel scared.” Why do you feel scared? And you’re going through it. Of course you’re going to feel scared. It’s a scary time. Right? So I’m not saying invalidate the feeling. But I’m saying investigate it. Investigate it. “I’ve got a roof over my head. I have people around me. I need to perhaps divert my thinking. Maybe instead of thinking like that, I could be thinking about how can I help others. How could I give? How could I get in touch with my purpose? Because the more I’m in touch with who I am and what my purpose is, the better I feel.” So it’s this beautiful opportunity to watch the things that come up and getting you away of being able to sit in a place of acceptance and love. And when they come up, why are they coming up? And owning them, it’s nobody’s– those feelings, nobody has done to you. Or they’re there, but they’re something that you can actually address. Because if you think about it, if you’re using this time now to address those things, you’re becoming a person that is reaching more and more of your fullest potential, so that when you back out into the world, you’re taking yourself with you. So there’s a better you that goes out into the world at the end of COVID. Right? Because you’ve just looked at all the things that have stopped you from doing the things you want to do. Sze Wing: Yeah. You are who you are. So when you have this kind of meaningful conversation with yourself, discovering more, harnessing more love, you are more of that. So when you showed up whether during COVID-19 or after, you were just more. I think someone said, long time ago, think of it like, you just squeeze an orange. What comes out? Orange juice, right? So be a good orange. Lisa: That’s right. If you want things, do it– for example, if I want to love, if I want more love, I will give more love. Because then I’m feeling it in my heart. So therefore I’m not feeling loveless anymore. If I want to be– if I want more connection, I really look [to?] how I can connect with others. And then I’m feeling more connection. So if we give and– and if we’ve got kids, it’s a brilliant opportunity. Because we can actually give them what we want. So when I talk to people, I say to think of your kids as your inner child. And just pretend they’re you and what you would have wanted when you were their age. And of course, you would’ve wanted a parent that just went, “I love you just how you are. I can see that you’re drilling a hole in the wall, and that’s not acceptable. However, who you are is absolutely beautiful.” And that validation and acceptance and then you’re setting the boundaries but you’re not withdrawing the love to get them to stop drilling the hole in the wall. And we all want that. Sze Wing: Yeah. It’s so true. And I think in the Course of Miracles it talks about you cannot give what you don’t have. And that actually leads to my next question. Because I know your big project is Bunji and you’re going to explain to us what it is, how it helps people, in a minute, but I guess it’s also part of that it’s very much– for me, the way I look at it, it’s very much giving to others. It’s really a love intentionally. Putting more love into the world and hope to make the world a better place. And helping different people in different ways. But definitely for me is that you kind of have to have that space that you cannot give what you don’t have and I think that’s wonderful because this is initiative is really, essentially, about harnessing the power of love again. So tell us more about Bunji? What it is, and specifically how did you come to create this incredible initiative? Lisa: I just want to say one thing though on what you just said, is that one thing that I’ve noticed is that it’s very important to give from a full cup. So if I’m giving from a cup that’s not full, if I’m giving because I want somebody to love me or please me, or if that’s my dynamic of getting my emotional needs met, then it will never work for me because I will get resentful. So when I give to people, I do it in a way where I don’t abandon myself. My cup is full. If my cup is not full then I take time to fill my cup and I sort of give from the overflow, if that makes sense? Sze Wing: Yeah. Right. Lisa: Yeah. And I think that old dynamic of relationship is that we give service but at the expense of ourselves. You hear a lot about burnout. And especially if you’re a therapist because therapists can do that. And yet as a therapist, it’s so important that we don’t abandon ourselves and we can sit in our centre and sit in our power. Because we don’t have to fix anybody. We don’t really have to do anything for anybody. People heal themselves. We hold a space and we, for me, anyway, I hold that space, and I’m there for that person, and their emotional world and I communicate together. And yet they’re the ones that do the work. I don’t have to do it for them. And people can choose whether or not to do that. I don’t have to make them or convince them. Sze Wing: Yeah. I agree with you. It’s not fixing. It’s that you can’t fix somebody else but you can tell them, “Look your cup is not full plus you got holes in your cup so maybe we should look at that hole.” Lisa: And, “This is what worked for me but it might not work for you, but if it does, great.” Because we’re all on our own journey. And especially if you’re working with people or even your kids, it’s so easy for you to go, “Wow, I’ve got all these experiences I could impart”, but maybe that’s their journey. Who knows. That’s exactly what their soul might need right now and all I can do is just be there with you and connect and love you where you are right now because the more you can love people where they are right now, the more likely they are to start to heal. Sze Wing: I really think that children is a great example because sometimes I can see my daughter going to do something, not necessarily hurt herself, but definitely unpleasant. Why do you want to walk into this dirty water, or– you want to protect them. You want them to make the best choice, at the same time you have to pull yourself and say, “Okay. Let them get dirty so they know it’s unpleasant.” It’s almost kind of they have to learn it for themselves. So it’s hard. Also from a therapist point of view. You want to help but sometimes, the role isn’t about telling or fixing. It’s about showing and I guess we’re talking with the same thing, but. Lisa: Just loving people and validating people. I think that’s so healing. Anyway, back to Bunji. I’ll tell you about Bunji. So because I’m so passionate about emotional evolution, and this is something that I’ve worked with a lot of people and the learnings that I’ve had in myself, and it’s brought me to a place where I just feel this– it’s almost like I feel this channeling out of my heart. That’s sort of the feeling I get when I think about emotional evolution, and it’s something that I can’t not do. And I think that would be defined as that’s my purpose. That’s what I feel like I’m on the planet to do. So it’s just something that I live and I just do my best to share that with people. And what happened for me with the bush fires is I was giving some of my time to help clients’ friends in Kangaroo Island. And I thought, well, if I’m prepared to donate time, probably there’s other therapists that might do it. And I put a post out and I was inundated with people that were like, “Yeah, I would rather not donate money. Can I give time?” And then I thought, well, now I need a platform. I’ve got all these amazing therapists that would donate an hour here, an hour there, and I’ve got people that need the help. And the next day, someone in my network had saw me and he’s rung me and he’s gone, “I’ve got this idea. I really want to build a platform.” And I’m like, “That’s pretty cool because I did just order one of those.” And so we got together and built a website. And then we sort of got a little bit stuck on a– you can’t just go and do things like that, as beautifully intentioned as they are, other things start to creep in, like how do you form a company? How are you going to set that up or how is a website going to work? And while we did a little bit– we had a little bit of a momentum going, then COVID hit. And since COVID, it’s almost like I’ve realised– because it was a bit of a side hustle for me. But since COVID hit, I’m like, “You know what, actually, this is so needed in the world.” And my vision, it really hit me because I thought my vision is– and I’ll share this with you because Bunji fulfills this. First is that everyone have access to immediate emotional and mental health care needs without barriers. And the reason it needs to be immediate is because the long-term problems of PTSD, suicide, social anxiety, they wouldn’t be there if we reached out and we’re able to reach out and get help. Now, the second thing is that the only help that we often can get through, say, the government or our doctors is 10 sessions with psychologists, and psychologists have a role. However, there’s very few that will give it to you totally free, and it’s very prescriptive. You don’t get a choice. And at different times in your journey of emotional evolution, you might not need to see a mainstream practitioner. You might need to see someone that maybe can do past life regression or an acupuncturist. There’s all different people because we’re very complex beings. So my second vision is to level the playing field between mainstream and alternative. Have everyone available donating their time so that people can access all of these types of therapies when they need them. I’ve got therapists all over the world that have started to sign up, so that means 24/7 help. So if it’s 2 o’clock in Australia, there should be a therapist somewhere that’s donated some time is my idea. And then the third thing is I really want to normalize it. So I want to make it cool. So it is cool for us to start on the inside first. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, that triangle, where this theory that we’ve been told that we need to look after our physiological first. And then we go through these steps and finally, at the top of the triangle, we self-actualize. And that theory. I don’t think it’s the right way round. I think we need to turn the triangle upside down. We need to know ourselves first because then everything else flows so much easier. We get better jobs. We find a home. All of the things that we look for because we’re right on the inside and we’re in the right place and we’re aligned with who we are as a magnificent, empowered being. All of those things happen so much easier. Lisa: So I really want Bunji to be something that educates people in the incredible benefits of starting with the self first and understanding that that’s actually a really cool way to live life and make it cool. So like Uber, there’s heaps of hire cars and taxis and then Uber dropped onto the scene, and everyone was just like, “Oh, yeah. We’re going to have an Uber. We’re going to call the Uber.” So it’s like that that we start to normalize this, “You know what? I’m an everyday person but I’ve got this problem with my mum. I’m feeling a lot of resentment around my mum and I really don’t want to feel that because I find that I’m getting angry with other people and I just want to dress that now before that develops into a pattern where I start to get angry at my daughter.” Or, “I’ve ostracised my mum.” Or whatever. You know what I mean? So it’s making it normal. So that the purpose of Bunji. It’s a big vision but I’ve had a lot of support. We’re already registered as a charity which means we have all of the right status in place. I’ve been offered a global platform by this woman who already has created a global platform and spent hundreds of thousands of dollars doing it and she’s just said, “You can come in, run parallel to mine, ride on the back of my logo, my marketing.” And I’m just like, “This is just–” the support has been absolutely amazing. So I think it really is something that’s so necessary in the world. Sze Winf I think two things through what you just said, I thought that’s really important is one is accessibility because if people are not educated about all the things that are possible that we kind of hold onto our problems or things that we feel most like this– so close up where when you have a platform where people can look up different therapy, different options, they can educate themselves a little bit in terms of, “Wow. That sounds like my problem. Maybe I could look for this type of help.” And it’d make it much easier to take the first step. So I think to be able to have that sort of accessibility is really important and the second things is about scale because when a lot of people can– it’s free. You can go online and most people have internet these days at home, so they can look things up and then as you said, it should be 24/7 because it’s global platform, so that can really increase the number of people that get mental health emotional help straight away rather than holding onto something for two years and then it’s completely unnecessary to suffer during that time. So I think that two really hit me is that two this time when I listened to you. Lisa: Well, yeah. And I think that as a therapist it’s a benefit too because we’d like to get therapists up there doing little videos and we’ll align with those therapists and they can share our logo around and we’ll share about them on social media so they benefit too. I think it has to be a win-win for everyone but definitely having that education and knowing that you can access because I know there’s been times years ago when I was going through different things and I thought, “I really feel like I’d like to go and see this person.” But it was not anything that was subsidized by any healthcare and you have to put things like that off sometimes or you have other needs that you think are more pressing and really our inner needs, to meet those emotional needs, that’s really the most pressing need we have because it if we don’t address those things, that’s when it comes out. It spurts out of other people in aggression or blame or resentment or addiction. All of those things are an expression of our unmet emotional needs and emotional charge. Sze Wing: Yeah. It’s beautiful, and I think when the more you talk about what Bunji, the mission or the vision, I think it really address a really different problem as society. We can talk about equality all day long, but unless there’s something like this to level the playing field like you said, yeah, great, I think I should see a psychologist. But then first of all, I don’t know, who should I call? That maybe that initial you feel weird to address it even. You know how some people hear the story and watch the movies. The people know their problem but they don’t want to get help because they don’t want the stigma, right? Number one, the privacy thing. Number two is that how to level the playing field? Not everybody can afford few hundred dollars if you don’t have healthcare. Or public healthcare is one thing, different country, different system, but private insurance is another thing. Not everybody can afford it. Then we can talk about helping people, equality all day long. But what is the platform can really address this? This is really helping the two sides to meet in the place where it’s safe but it’s also really feasible for people to explore. Lisa: Yep. I think so too. And there’s so many different things that have come in here. I’ve spoken to therapists that are like, “I’m happy to donate some time.” But for me to have somewhere to send people to that ring me up and say, “I want to use somebody like you but I don’t have the money.” And I can say to them, “Hey, you can go and you access all this therapy at Bunji.” And I’ve spoken to people in the education department here that are like, “This is so amazing because we don’t have any way of meeting the needs of kids that aren’t in complete crisis.” So now when we see something, we can say, “Hey, there’s this platform you can go to.” So there are so many people that have, as a referral, it would just be awesome. And I think you’re right. Look, there’s a part of me, I don’t feel fear. I mean, I suppose I would if there was a lion in the room. I don’t feel fear but there’s a little part of me that goes, “Wow, this is such a big vision.” It’s like, “Oh.” But I just know I’ve got to get out of the road and I just talk to people and I just connect and I just keep going with this flow and I’m channeling Bunji. I know I just got to keep trusting that it’s all just going to work out how it needs to. Sze Wing: Yeah. And it work both ways as in do you know how Rome wasn’t built over night, so you’re channeling Bunji and we’re doing this podcast, you talk in another magazine and so and so forth. And so we start spreading the word. Then it will create a platform eventually that really can carry the vision and the love you have for it. At the same time, I want to also say the same way that things don’t happen over night. But the same time, think about what you said earlier about unless they are in complete crisis, they don’t get help. So we need to wait until it becomes a really big bomb and then we should address it. Lisa: Well, this is where we’re dealing– in fact, this is what we’re doing as a society is we’re waiting until people in absolute crisis, and then we’re still not doing a good job. We’re still doing a crap job at helping people in crisis because there are still so many more suicides. I just think, “Oh my God.” That’s sort of a bit– I think it’s such common sense that we start to meet people’s emotional needs way back before the crisis. And for me, this is just Bunji’s all about common sense. And it’s not to say that we don’t help people in crisis because probably, I’m sure we will be. But it’s let’s also meet needs that aren’t crisis needs that can potentially be crisis needs. But yeah, I know. It’s cultivate health, not you treat the symptoms or the illness when it’s full-blown illness. You want to cultivate that resilience or the strength and all that before. So that’s why the education piece is so important as well because it helps. Sze Wing: Yeah. And for us to spread the news– yeah. So this is so exciting and I’m sure because it’s clearly things are happening. It’s flowing. People opening the doors and funding flows in and right people show up. So I am very excited for you and I think it’s going to bring a lot of good in the world. So thank you for channeling Bunji and I want to thank you for being interviewed by me on my little humble podcast. So if people want to get in touch with you, talk more about emotion evolution or about Bunji, what’s the best way to connect with you or find out more about your work and everything we’ve talked about? Lisa: Yes. On all social media, iamlisajayne. I-A-M-L-I-S-A-J-A-Y-N-E. My website is www.iamlisajayne.com. But also the Bunji global website, so it’s www.bunji, that’s spelled B-U-N-J-I, global.org. And absolutely, if you’re interested in being a therapist or being involved in any way, please go on there and sign up because we’re just looking for as many people to be involved as possible. And Bunji is actually an aboriginal word for mate-ship. So this is very– it’s the Australian way, looking after your mate and standing side by side with each other, and I think that’s pretty cool. Sze Wing: Totally awesome. I actually think it’s perfect way to end our chat with the Bunji being an aboriginal word. This is born in Australia, a really unique initiative, and so I cannot thank you enough for channeling it. And for those who are interested, I will also put the link on this blog post so people don’t need to worry about the spelling. I will put them so it’s easy for people to click on. So thank you so much for today and all the best. Lisa: Thank you so much.
26 minutes | Oct 6, 2020
87. The important of Play and Change of Routine
When was the last time you played or change your routine? We all have been affected by a prolonged period of uncertainty and isolation. You may have aced your shopping or exercise routine or perfected the “work from home” arrangement, but after a while, the new normal feels stagnated because we don’t get as much stimulus through interactions with people in person or going to events or social activities. You may totally enjoy this quieter time or have been super busy trying to start/finish many ambitious personal projects. But still, you may find yourself getting tired easily and feeling restless somehow. No matter what, one thing is clear, we all need to replenish our energy and renew our mind from time to time. That’s where Play comes in. Why play is important to raise our energy I wrote about the importance of play and the need to change our routine in my recent newsletter to my subscribers. I shared how I felt stuck and stagnated because of the lack of play in particular. For every short period of free time I got (it means went my baby is sleeping), I went straight into business work or household chore and left literally no room for play in the last 4 months. Dr Stuart Brown’s book title says it all “Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul”. There is more to play then we perhaps have given credit to. As adults, we are taught to do more, achieve more, take more responsibilities and to succeed. Rarely we are asked to play more. However, there is evidence to suggest play is essential for us to live a more fulfilled and wholehearted life. Play can be defined in several ways but here is how I see it. Play is something you enjoy doing without necessary carry a purpose, and often you don’t feel the time passing as you are so fully absorbed in the play. “It energizes us and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities.” – Dr Stuart Brown Change your routine and try something new Then there are the benefits of breaking up your routine When we are doing something over and over again, our brain is used to the neural pathways that have been established. The good thing is, we are getting better at whatever that we are doing through practice, but when we do something new, it gives our brain the opportunity to explore new and unfamiliar territories. That’s when creativity, innovation and excitement happen. That’s the reason why we need to change up our routine or try something new from time to time to get a resurge of energy. You may find my previous podcast episode #77 Good Habits of Sustainable Success and Higher Productivity useful if you want to get some ideas on forming new good habits. The COVID 19 pandemic affects everyone differently, and it is hard to measure the impact collectively. But one thing is clear, more than ever, we need to take better care of physical and mental health, our energy level and resilience. So putting everything in context, I have two suggestions for you. They are also reminders for myself. Take some time in the next 7 days to play as a way to rejuvenate and recharge your energy. What is that you would like to do (or not do) as play? Think a habit that you may want to change, or to improve on so that you can become more healthy or resilient. Please leave your comments below to let me know what comes up for you and what you do as play! I’d love to hear your stories. Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me. Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it! Thank You!!
30 minutes | Sep 29, 2020
86. Authentic Marketing & Networking with Bron Watson
Many creative entrepreneurs I know are actually introverts. Therefore, networking in person or presenting a sales pitch may totally push them out of their comfort zone. Marketing for them can be one of the most challenging aspects of their work. For this week's podcast, I'd share with you a very candid conversation I had with Bron Watson about authentic marketing, networking, and how to succeed over adversity. Bron Watson is the managing director of the eWomenNetwork International chapter. She is also the founder of Bron & Co where she leads a small and mighty team to work with small businesses on marketing in the areas such as strategy, sales, content creation and graphic designs. They offer both "done for you” as well as show you how it’s done service. Bron has a background in nursing and education for 20+ years and she had launched several businesses in the last decade while raising 5 boys! So in another word, she is a superwoman! If you frown whenever someone invites you to a networking event and you have to keep telling yourself that you "should" go, or you know sales & marketing is a very important part for your business but you just can't shake that resistance, then this interview can help you to change your perspective. You can listen to this podcast via the player on the top of this page or go to iTunes or Spotify and look for my show @szewingvetault. Alternately, you can watch our interview below. Interview Highlights “Stay in Your Lane” - do your thing, don’t follow what everyone’s business can save your life and lead you to a better career/business that works for youSuccess despite adversity You don’t have to run your business or do everything alone - consider collaboration and have good “back up” or support system in placeSuccess means different things to different people at different times, ask yourself: "How do you want to feel?" and “How do you want to live?"Authentic marketing - showing up and bring true value to your clients with your product/serviceDon’t panic or think about what people think, focus on your own work and one step at a time - one post, one action, one commitment no matter how smallHow to excel in networking events and actually have fun Find your tribe and think “six degrees of connection, not separation""Be faithful to the small and the big will come"You are not what you do. You are who you are. It comes across in your networking or marketing message. Be true to yourself and others. What to think when you end up in a networking event that is not your tribe or you are not having a good experience. Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me. Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it! Thank You!! Video https://youtu.be/JkruWedvXQI Transcript Sze Wing:Hi, everyone. It's my absolute pleasure to introduce you to my dear friend, colleague, and in some way - actually, many - mentor, Bron Watson. And I met her not long ago, but she's just fabulous. And I just have to get her to be on my podcast because I think her wisdom and experience can help a lot of people like myself, busy mom, career women, entrepreneur, you name it, or people who are thinking about doing something outside their comfort zone. But anyway, I'm so happy to be here interviewing you, Bron. Welcome to my show.Bron:Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to it. It's exciting.Sze Wing:So, quickly,
25 minutes | Sep 22, 2020
85. Procrastination and the Path of Least Resistance
Every now and then, I find myself procrastinating over certain things. Unlike what most people may think, it is not always the overwhelming or really big projects that get on my procrastination list. For those big projects, I usually know why am I tripping over mentally and the solution is nearly always about taking smaller steps, just to get the momentum going. But I am talking about small tasks that have been sitting on my mind or my to-do list for a while. For instance, I needed to schedule an appointment for my baby boy’s 4 months immunization, but instead of booking a time with the GP we normally see, I didn’t want to call and I had no idea why. Second thing is that I meant to finish a chapter of my book with all the notes that I have prepared, but I just couldn't manage to sit down and write it. The third example is that I kept delaying booking a ticket for an event for no good reasons. But as it turns out, I found a really nice doctor closer to home that came with great recommendations. Then one day I came out from mediation and got a light-bulb moment to change the structure of my book entirely. Soon after that, I came across the work of several other authors which made me more convinced that the new structure will work so much better and more engaging for my audience. And of course, you may have guessed it, I actually got given a ticket as a gift to attend that event I mentioned earlier. So why my procrastinations actually work on my favour on these little things? Here is the thing, we live in a vibrational universe. If this sounds too out there for you, please just hold that thought and hang in here. Remember in high school physics class, they told us there are 3 states of matter. Solid, liquid and gas. And even in the solid state, the particles are still vibrating, only in a fixed position. Everything in the universe, all matter is made up of energy, vibrating at different frequencies. When we are feeling happy or elated, we are emitting or vibrating at a magnetic frequency that is higher than when we are feeling down or sad. That’s why the saying goes “The more you are grateful, you have more to be grateful for". It is so true because as a matter of fact, like attracts like. It may seem off-topic, but actually we are not. Think about it, we can consider everything around us is, in fact, energy in vibration. When we are in the approximate of a certain vibration, we attract things or events that are in a similar range of vibration. The Law of Attraction It is the law of attraction. Many spiritual teachers talk about this, and the most notable one is probably Abraham Hicks. It may seem hard to grasp this concept at first, but if we go back to my original examples, it also makes sense. I was looking for a better doctor, wanting to improve my book, thinking about the event. When I was in the right vibration, everything seems to just fall into place, or say attracted into my life/reality. And that’s why, the idea of keeping our mind positive, is also a way to stay in a higher vibration. When we choose the path of least resistance, we are like surfing the wave, we move faster and smoother. We feel lighter and we soar. If we pick the path of stronger resistance, say because we think we should work harder, stick to the schedule or keep to the plan, even though our inner being is not feeling good about it, we are not allowing ourselves to uplift to the level of vibration we can experience. That is, if I stick with the previous doctor, force myself to write that chapter the way I thought I should or buy the ticket earlier. Our inner being is our vibrational GPS, and if it doesn’t feel good, it means we are not taking the path of least resistance and living in the highest vibration that is possible. The Path of Least Resistance In a way, procrastination is not a bad thing if we don’t feel our vibration is aligned with the best possible outcome,...
Terms of Service
Do Not Sell My Personal Information
© Stitcher 2021