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Clamshell Case Files
119 minutes | Oct 18, 2021
095 - Carnosaur (1993)
Only one dinosaur movie from 1993 had the audacity to tell truths that the big Hollywood studios were afraid to tackle. Sure, Jurassic Park hints at man’s folly, but only this Roger Cormon produced classic dares to float the hypothesis that maybe people are so terrible that all women should be killed by a virus that forces them to birth dinosaurs, dooming humans to extinction. Fans of nihilistic dinosaur puppets are in for the ride of their lives...probably in some sort of tractor trailer truck hauling live chickens.
146 minutes | Oct 4, 2021
094 - Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
Bridget’s original pick for episode 69 has everything you’d expect from a sexy romance film: pickup artist Dracula, terrible accents, trains, Beastman getting it on, and of course, discussions about real estate deals. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a woman excitedly share her bed with Bat Boy’s hot older brother!
126 minutes | Sep 20, 2021
093 - Lady in White (1988)
They don’t make ‘em like they used to! I mean, how many murders do kids in movies witness these days? One? Maybe two? But do they witness upwards of 3 murders, relive several of them over and over, almost get murdered himself, and by a close family friend? So this week, Matt wants to bring us back to those simpler times, and to one of the movies that inspired the creation of this podcast!
130 minutes | Sep 6, 2021
092 - Flight of the Navigator (1986)
It’s a kids movie that teaches important lessons like dealing with grief, the passage of time, not trusting the government, and the theory of general relativity! If you don’t remember this one, don’t worry. Neither does Sarah Jessica Parker, apparently! This podcast also contains multiple minutes about how we all just thought this movie starred Henry Thomas.
134 minutes | Aug 23, 2021
091 - My Girl (1991)
This week, Bridget brings one of the most infamously traumatizing films from older millennials’ youths. The film that made us all distrust bees, learned to leave our lost mood rings in the woods, and assume we could die at ANY time. Returning to it 30 years later, there’s plenty of other trauma to pull from this movie! Vada Sultenfuss is truly the gift that keeps on giving.
134 minutes | Aug 9, 2021
090 - The Legend of Billie Jean (1985)
CW: Sexual assault and child abuse. This week, Fair is Fair! What does that mean? It means a couple of kids from Corpus Christi, Texas are going to get the 600 some-odd dollars they’re owed from a sketchy businessman and his degenerate son before shipping out for Vermont, land of maple syrup and seasonal outdoor sports. A movie so famous it got its own Pat Benetar theme and at least two Blu Ray releases. Really? You’ve never heard of it? But Billie Jean was so famous! They even made frisbees with her face on them!
91 minutes | Jul 26, 2021
089 - The Adventures of Teddy Ruxpin (1985)
We go on an adventure with special guest Christopher Brown (Old Men Yell at Cloud), a talking bear with a tape deck in his back, and a creepy old inventor whose only friends appear to be teenagers. So get ready to travel to the land of Grundo, a place with a name that sounds like it needs a shower, as we embark on a quest to find treasure, gawk at the aristocracy, and ponder just how any of these idiots has survived this long without falling out of an airship to their deaths.
116 minutes | Jul 12, 2021
088 - Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers (1992)
Sure, the online discourse circled back around to 2017 with people talking about the short story Cat Person again, but we’re here to talk about ACTUAL CAT PEOPLE from 1992. So if you’re a fan of monster incest, deputized attack cats, cultural appropriation of indiginous myths, or Santo and Johnny, we have the episode for you!CW: Sexual Assault at 1:02, Animal Abuse throughout
133 minutes | Jun 28, 2021
087 - 1776 (1972)
What better way to spend the week of the fourth going to the definitive text of the birth of America. You know, the one where the voice of KITT from Knight Rider is our nation’s (future) second president, middle-aged men complain about the heat and flies, and there are multiple songs about giving it to your wife real good, like a true patriot! Bridget excitedly brings this loose musical adaptation of the start of the American Revolution and the crew spends a surprising amount of time talking about...violins?
118 minutes | Jun 14, 2021
086 - Death Becomes Her (1992)
World of Commotion’s Danielle Brown joins us this week, bringing with her a fancy potion which she obtained from a mysterious, sexy, European lady. This woman claimed it’d grant us immortal life, but all we got were various hole-based injuries. Thankfully, this movie held up against the ravages of time!
140 minutes | May 31, 2021
085 - The Mighty Ducks (1992)
We’re closing out E-MAY-lio with Scott Kurland (of Writer’s Bagel Basket and Hell is a Musical) and getting way too into Minnesotan peewee hockey due to court appointed public service for all our previous podcast indiscretions. So join us for an inspirational story that includes the institutional racism of gerrymandered district lines and the court’s willingness to go easy on white collar offenders! Oh and there’s some cute kids and a bit of that ice puck game thing Bridget and Matt seem to like so much too.
148 minutes | May 17, 2021
084 - Young Guns II (1990)
E-MAY-lio continues, as does the saga of Billy the Kid. Or Billy the Very Old Man on his way to get the early bird special at his favorite diner, the Mexican Blackbird. Jarrod Staples (of World of Commotion fame) is back to talk Bon Jovi, blatant historical inaccuracies, and the worst (or best?) fake old person voice we’ve ever heard.
162 minutes | May 3, 2021
083 - Young Guns (1988)
We’re kicking off E-MAY-lio with special guest Jarrod Staples and this slice of totally, completely accurate Western history. Sure, character ages and motivations are wrong, problematic caricatures are invented just for the movie, and the extended peyote scene makes almost no sense, but would we ever get to see Emilio Estevez’s butt without this film? Yes? Then I don’t know why we’re watching this either. Also, if you’re interested in donating to the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch like Bridget and Quintin, you can check out their Gofundme link here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/23ihgxnlc0?utm_campaign=p_cp_url&utm_medium=os&utm_source=customer
91 minutes | Apr 19, 2021
082 - The Adventures of Milo and Otis (1986)
This week, we welcome Lilz Martin (of Jukebox Zeroes and Hell is a Musical fame) to go for a walk outside today. Join us to see what we find, today. Warning: it’s almost definitely animal abuse. No animal escapes, be it muskrat, snake, bird, cat, dog, fox, or bear! So skip the horror of watching the movie and listen to us have an impromptu therapy session!
137 minutes | Apr 5, 2021
081 - Super Mario Bros. (1993)
In honor of the 35th Anniversary/Public Execution of Mario, we’re talking about the movie that TWO major corporations and pretty much everyone involved in the production wish you would forget. With a bafflingly great cast (Bob Hoskins! John Leguizamo! Dennis Hopper! Samantha Mathis! Mojo Nixon...wait), how could this first-ever live action video game adaptation be a bob-omb? Join us in absolute confusion how a game about throwing fireballs at turtles was turned into a dystopian, anti-fascist, pro-comminist, hyper sexualized, cyberpunk movie!
123 minutes | Mar 22, 2021
080 - Blast from the Past (1999) - LIVE!
It’s our two year anniversary, and we recorded live in front of an audience of the internet, from the safety of our own personal fallout shelters! You voted for it, so we talk about Blast from the Past. So break out those champagne cocktails, box up those Rogers Hornsby cards, and settle in for a nice, sweet, kind-hearted movie. What, do you like us or something? We’re honestly baffled.
152 minutes | Mar 8, 2021
079 - Face/Off (1997)
Peach? We can talk about a peach for hours. And we do! We clear out the dove infestation left by director John Woo and chat about this great act-off starring Nicolas Cage and John Travolta. We hit all the big topics: dove kings, salmon spawning, actors who have appeared on The Wire, and of course, the importance of blood type.
142 minutes | Feb 22, 2021
078 - The Karate Kid (1984)
This week the crew strikes first and has no mercy talking about The Karate Kid. It’s a movie that deals in tropey Eastern Mysticism, but also talks about the horrors and realities of Japanese internment camps with more accuracy and honesty than any public school system in 1980s America! Also, some whiny kid really kicks the hell out of his bike. I don’t know, that whole plotline doesn’t seem that important.
116 minutes | Feb 8, 2021
077 - Clash of the Titans (1981)
Special Guest (and Matt’s sister) Laurie Spring is here to Unleash the Kraken and talk about the open-mouthed, dead-eyed Perseus trust-funding his way into bed with the beautiful Andromeda in Clash of the Titans! Come for the amazing Ray Harryhausen stop-motion animated beasts, stay for their sweet, stop-motion abs and belly buttons!
143 minutes | Jan 25, 2021
076 - Blown Away (1994)
Welcome to Bahstan, kid! Jeff Bridges plays a BPD bomb squad officer with an inexplicably terrible accent. Tommy Lee Jones is playing a mad Irish bomber with an inexplicably terrible accent. Lloyd Bridges is playing a retired Boston cop who emigrated from Ireland 60 years ago but still has an...you get the idea. Together, they bend the rules of space and time as Boston is primed to explode due to what we can only assume is a bomb under every resident’s bed. Get ready to be...BLOWN AWAY.
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