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Living with chronic pain and illness, make birthdays or the marking of time is fraught. Sometimes I haven't wanted to be alive another minute, another day and other times I'm really grateful to still be here. There other times I've been very close to death. I have a terminal illness and have been told I would die. I've thought a lot about my own death and dying. I am in some ways reconciled to my own death and am less afraid of my death than of prolonged/worsening suffering. While I'm fulling indoctrinated into this culture's nonsense about the ways aging is unacceptable for women. I don't have a lot of baggage about turning 50 because (borrowing from the words of Harry Potter), I'm "the girl who lived!" I wasn't supposed to be here. I've blown through several expiration dates. Today I am grateful to still be here. That's no small thing considering how depressed I've been recently. Part of what's brought me joy is my circle of friends. Not only did people take time out of their schedule and take time to quarantine before we went over, more than that I'm humbled that I have a few close friends. Today I'm not rushing to get to the other side. And there will be days when I wish I wasn't here. Maybe you're feeling that today. It's difficult to find your reason to still be here. Most of us have been there. Listening to a conversation today between Dr. Gabor Mate (When the Body Says No) and Prince Harry. We often talk about the kind of trauma that is born of the things that should not have happened and we often over look the kinds of things that should be present but aren't. And those are the kinds of things that are often absent in the lives of those of us with chronic pain and illness. This is the calculus of loss that we rarely do and others surely never do. It's so difficult to maintain any relationships with chronic pain and illness. I am so very blessed. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

Last week, March 28th was Rare Disease Day. I have a rare disease called Antisynthetase Syndrome. It is diagnosed at about 1 in 100,000 people and affects more women than men. It is an immune-mediated disease that causes inflammation. It can effect a number of systems in the body. Most patients experience one of the inflammatory myopathies (muscle-wasting disease), polyarthritis, mechanic's hands (which is MUCH worse than it sounds), Renaud's syndrome, and interstitial lung disease. I have all of these autoimmune diseases (and more). Part of what's so difficult about having a rare disease is that 1) your doctor may not have any other patients with this disease and, 2) pharmaceutical companies are never going to research and create drugs for our disease. There may be university studies about our diseases or features of our diseases. However, it is rare to get much information about quality of life, life expectancy, and questions about how to live well with a rare disease. Rare Disease Day is here to raise awareness. As we talk about our rare disease others learn more about these uncommon illnesses. We can connect others to resources they may not know about. Do you have a rare disease? Tell us about it in the comments? We need to learn about what's impacting you! I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

Those of us with compromised immune systems are prone to thrush. In video 373 I talk more about how we contract thrush and what it is. In this video I'm talking about what I do once I have thrush. Anything that is sugar or immediately converts to sugar will increase my experience of pain and how raw my mouth is. Things like rice, cracker, potatoes, bread, and other simple starches don't work. I am a meat eater and I would find it difficult to eat an all vegetarian or vegan diet while having an outbreak. Dairy also feeds the yeast. It is helpful to increase your probiotics, you can do this by taking pills or capsules, or you can find kefir water. Then focus on protein: eggs, meat, nuts, fish -- like tuna or tuna salad. Vegetables that are low in sugar like the brassicas: broccoli, cauliflower, brussles sprouts, cabbage, and other leafy greens. I drink bone broth. Low sugar fruit perhaps, but I generally avoid them while I'm sick. I want to find ways to clear the coating with acidity. In this way, apple cider vinegar and lemon juice are recommended. I tend to juice fresh lemons and ginger root as a concentrate and dilute the juice with water or sparkling water and drink it throughout. Often salt water, baking soda, lemon juice, or apple cider vinegar are recommended as swishes or gargles. Do you get thrush? Have you found other things that work for you? What do you eat when you have thrush? If you decide to eat sugary foods, swish or brush and then treat with your lozenges or rinse to treat the yeast. It does take 10-14 days to treat. I try to keep the rinse in my mouth for as long as possible 3-5 minutes. After your infection has passed, get a fresh toothbrush. At the beginning of an infection I tend to crave sweets. That seems odd because yeast feeds on sugar. I tend to want ice cream, specifically. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

Thrush -- what is it? Who gets it? What's it all about? May you never have to experience it. Thrush impacts people with compromised immune systems: people on chemotherapy, babies, the elderly. Thrush is an overgrowth of candida: yeast. It is a yeast infection of the mouth. This yeast is present all the time in our mouth, intestine, on our skin. However, when it is out of balance it can cause thrush. Antibiotics can cause this. For me, my first symptom is a film or coating on my tongue that causes me to crave sweets and cold creamy things. Then I start craving acidic and carbonated things that seem like they would take away the coating on my tongue. As thrush progresses it causes a white growth on your tongue, tonsils, potentially on your throat and inside your cheeks. Then the remedy is prescription meds. The most common is lozenges or rinses that are used multiple times a day for 10-14 days. Alternately there are meds that treat yeast systemically. The symptoms can range from mild and aggravating to irritating and painful. It can be difficult to figure out what to eat and it can be uncomfortable to eat. If you've recently recovered from thrush, get a new toothbrush. Generally, thrush is not easily contageous. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

I've been out for three weeks because of pneumonia. It took antibiotics and a course of prednisone to resolve things. Whether it's the plans that get disrupted, or these broadcasts, there are big set backs. I found myself in the kitchen winded from trying to grate cheese. When I'm once again in a cycle of thrush from the antibiotics and unable to get out of this illness-begets-illness cycle it starts to feel like an ouroboros. The snake that eats its tail. It's a self-perpetuating, self-consuming system. It isn't just my body that's impacted, it is also my mind and my spirit. When I am living with fever dreams, when I am confined, when I have to cancel a few things I've been looking forward to and feel even more "useless" than usual. My mind turns to dark places. Any illusions of "progress" are washed away. Its likely that this all comes back to control and the frustrating realization about how little we actually have. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

I'm feeling crummy, on top of crummy. I think I have pneumonia. Also, I'm going through a depression. In my life depression has been cyclical. It comes around every 3-5 years. One thing that's difficult is that I deceive myself each time thinking that I've somehow "licked" depression. So when it comes back, it is accompanied by a sense of failure. Living with pain and illness, my mind is a place of refuge. So to have it be a place of difficulty and anguish makes the days longer and harder. It amplifies my experience of pain. I think that if depression had a tag line it would be "what's it all for," or "nothing matters." But this depression has a different flavor. I'm just trolling myself. All the critics are chiming in and are the loudest voice in the room. And right now none of my tools for quieting those are working. I share this because: I told you I'd be truthful. But also, because you may relate. I'm working on this with my therapist. I'm also trying to understand ways in which this depression might be trying to serve me. What do I need to learn? Are there truths that I need to uncover? Do you live with depression? What do you do with the critical voices in your head? I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

I'm planning the year ahead. Soon I'll be giving you details about conversations I'll be hosting on IG Live. If there are things you want me to discuss or guests you'd like to hear from, please let me know. Today, I'm giving you a product review. Every morning I start my day with this hand cream. Because of my autoimmune diseases I have polyarthritis. When I haven't moved, when I'm cold, or when I'm inflamed, my joints hurt the worst. This cream is good for rheumatoid, poly, or osteo-arthritis, but works best on smaller joints. While the cream doesn't work miracles, it does make a noticeable difference. Voltaren gel, used to require a prescription and is now available over the counter. Because this NSAID is topical, it is not counter-indicated like so many oral NSAIDs. After using it, I do have more mobility am noticeably more comfortable. What are your favorite products? What do you do or use first thing in the morning to make your day better/easier/more comfortable? Let me know in the comments below! I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

The holidays are upon us. Here in the US, that means lots of rampant commercialism. I often get sucked into that -- trying to backfill the holes in my heart with shopping (which never works.) But that isn't the subject of this video. Even for the healthiest among us, holidays aren't what they're cracked up to be. For most, the holidays include baggage; more so for those of us with chronic pain and illness. This is up for me again. Last week week was my most cherished holiday event. I look forward to it all year long. I didn't record last week and I *didn't* get to get to go to the holiday party because I got a kidney stone. (An experience I DON'T recommend!) I'm in a funk from missing it, but that's part of living with chronic conditions. Scraping ourselves up *again* after these disappointments. So, I'm making this video for you (and for me) in the wake of this loss about how to make holidays that matter. Watch a favorite (holiday?) movie. Invite a friend to watch it with you: in person or virtually. Maybe there's a recipe you can make to enjoy. Perhaps a friend to could do some of the work if the recipe is too much for you. Decorate a gingerbread house (or several miniature ones) Create a holiday display over the course of several days. Set your sights on a big event a look forward to it. DON'T forget yourself. You are not these illnesses. You are someone who deserves holiday cheer, in whatever way is meaningful and special to YOU. What lights you up? Aim there. When you can't participate in your cousins' holiday gathering doesn't happen, what else can put in place to look forward to? It is very important to have things to look forward to. Let's seek out our next meaningful bit of holiday comfort and joy. Have you had kidney stones? What will you be doing for holiday cheer? I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

It's getting dark here very early. I'm noticing that it effects me. More than just the darkness, I'm feeling heaviness. If you've been here you know that I took time off that was unplanned. I'm struggling. This is the unwelcome but unfamiliar experience: depression. Me and depression go way back. If I'm honest, I always hope I've seen the last of depression. Because of that, I feel a sense of failure. I can acknowledge that it isn't "failure." However, my mind still plays this trick on me. Old habits of withdrawing rather than reaching out are here. I'm working t see where I'm numbing rather than attending. My therapist offered me the perspective that depression is the needing of attention to parts that are hurt. I know that I'm not alone. I know that many of us have or are struggling with this monster. What about you? Do you live with depression? What helps/what doesn't? I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

While Thanksgiving and it's roots are admittedly problematic, this holiday is one of my favorites. The focus on food, friends, family, and giving thanks, are the reasons it is my favorite. I have so much to be thankful for even in the midst of pain and illness. Chief among my gratitude: this year I got pneumonia and COVID. Having such serious lung disease (in addition to other complex medical problems), none of my doctors would have predicted that I would still be here after such serious attacks to my system. I'm so thankful to still be here, I'm so appreciative that you're still here watching/listening. In this season of darkness and holidays, there's so much that could be said. What I will remind you and myself to try is to BE HERE NOW. Let's not be in the past or the future, let's be here in this present moment. We can't address tomorrow's questions today. Still make thoughtful preparations but do your best to remain present. I hope that the gifts of life are revealing themselves amidst the hard and painful. Wishing you joy, comfort, rest, and a chance to count your blessings this holiday. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

I recently traveled to Seattle to visit my specialists. I saw my lung docs as well as a rheumatology specialist. Antisynthetase syndrome is rare enough that my local rheumatologist treats only me with the disease. There I learned a lot about Ig. For many of us IVIg and SCIg is a live-giving therapy. It has changed the course of my illnesses even though I have an adverse reaction to it. Those of us with autoimmune diseases are fighting our own bodies, in order to control that, doctors put us on drugs that suppress our immune systems. Naturally, that impacts our ability to fight disease and other external threats. In recent years, my chief complaint has been that being around people makes me sick. Even when those people aren't sick. In Ep 350 I talk about getting my Ig tested to see if I was mounting autoantibodies for the COVID vaccine. The rheumatologist in Seattle looked back at those labs from May and said my Ig numbers were too low. One's Ig numbers should not fall below 600. Mine were barely above 500. There are two ways to remedy this: give Ig (SCIg or IVIg) or reduce immunosuppression. For me, that means reducing my Rituxan. Here, 10 years into living with autoimmune disease I'd never heard of measuring my Ig levels, or learned about the 600 threshold, and that being on a heavy-hitting drug like mine, these levels should be monitored quarterly. That seemed like information worth sharing. Are you on chemotherapy or other strong immunosuppressive drugs? Do you get your Ig tested regularly? Did you know about the 600 threshold? Sound off! I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

I'm continuing to talk about my experience with COVID. I have something like 6 autoimmune disease from Sjogren's to Polymyositis. The most threatening with COVID is having Pulmonary Fibrosis (related to antisynthetase syndrome). This lung disease means that my lungs are progressively turning themselves into scar tissue. Contracting COVID was scary. Therefore, it is miraculous that I came through it. On about the 2nd day, having been in contact with my doctors, I got on antivirals. However, because of some of the pain meds I take, and because of my blood thinners, I could not take Paxlovid. I got put on Molnupiravir. Less effective than Paxlovid, Monupiravir is still saving lives. When I am at my most sick, I prioritize my medications. Monupiavir was 4 capsules 2x/day. I take 33 pills per day and when feeling nauseated, or feeling my crappiest, I prioritize my highest value meds and take out some of the things I can live without for a couple of days and swallow a fewer pills for a couple of days. At this point my dry cough had given away to wet cough and found that Sudafed was helpful. My oxygen saturation was dropping and the danger zone is when you get below 88%. Thankfully, I have an oxygen concentrator and liquid oxygen available at home. After the first few days the vomiting stopped but the nausea and intestinal symptoms continued. The pain in my body felt a lot like a fibromyalgia flare. What's dangerous about having a serious illness (an accident, times of great stress) is that our autoimmune conditions are likely to start relapsing. So COVID becomes dangerous on these other fronts. Also, ALL of my chronic illnesses began with an EBV infection so I know that I'm prone to post-viral infections. I always assumed that I'd be a candidate for long COVID. I'll talk more about my experiences in coming days and weeks about my COVID experiences. How about you -- have you had COVID? Avoided it? Had it more than once? How has it interacted with/impacted your other illnesses? Please comment! I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

If you can avoid getting COVID, do. Here's a bit about what happened when I got COVID. Because of my lung disease I can't breathe through a N95 or KN5 mask. But, while wearing a cloth and surgical mask, I caught COVID from my sister-in-law. I'd just had treatment (Rituxan/chemo) about 10 days prior so my immune system was fully suppressed to keep me from fighting myself. We'd been having fires in the area so I thought perhaps my scratchy throat was due to the poor air quality. Then I got more tired. A negative COVID test made me feel hopeful that I wasn't sick but I coughed all night long. When I tested positive the following day, I knew I'd exposed her. For the first 24 hours, COVID felt like the worst flu I've ever had -- high fever, chills, extreme body aches, nausea/vomiting, terrible headache. The headache (in combination with my migraines) was extraordinary. Sleeping in 60-90 minute chunks because of coughing, congestion, mouth-breathing, and crippling fatigue. After sweating through the sheets on one side of the bed, I grew bone weary moving to the other side of our queen-sized bed. I'll continue to discuss how COVID played out in the coming days and weeks. Let me know if you have questions or tell me how you've been impacted by COVID with co-existing conditions. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

Thrush -- what is it? Who gets it? What's it all about? May you never have to experience it. Thrush impacts people with compromised immune systems: people on chemotherapy, babies, the elderly. Thrush is an overgrowth of candida: yeast. It is a yeast infection of the mouth. This yeast is present all the time in our mouth, intestine, on our skin. However, when it is out of balance it can cause thrush. Antibiotics can cause this. For me, my first symptom is a film or coating on my tongue that causes me to crave sweets and cold creamy things. Then I start craving acidic and carbonated things that seem like they would take away the coating on my tongue. As thrush progresses it causes a white growth on your tongue, tonsils, potentially on your throat and inside your cheeks. Then the remedy is prescription meds. The most common is lozenges or rinses that are used multiple times a day for 10-14 days. Alternately there are meds that treat yeast systemically. The symptoms can range from mild and aggravating to irritating and painful. It can be difficult to figure out what to eat and it can be uncomfortable to eat. If you've recently recovered from thrush, get a new toothbrush. Generally, thrush is not easily contageous. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

Sorry for my absence, my last video on YouTube was taken down. I received monoclonal antibodies. These are not the same as the antibodies given to people to treat COVID, but for COVID prevention. Monoclonal antibodies are given to folks for whom standard vaccines won't work or who are severely immune compromised. You may remember that on my last trip to Seattle I learned that while I have had 4 COVID vaccines/boosters -- I had almost no protection. My chemotherapy agent, Rituxan, keeps B cells from replicating/maturing. My community, Eugene/Springfield is about 235,000 people. We have one place administering these treatments and my wait was about a month to receive the treatment. Ours is being offered at a Hospital Infusion Center. I was given 4, 1.5ml vials of the Evusheld treatment in two injections, given in the rump. While it was quick to administer, I was kept for more than an hour to make sure that I didn't have any injection reaction, anaphylaxis, rash, etc. Not only did I not, in the coming days, I didn't even have the difficulties I've had with the vaccine -- like tenderness at the injection site, fever, flu-like symptoms, etc. The protection is similar to the vaccines in that it prevents the worst of disease and death but not great protection against the newest variants. Also, similarly, it needs to be readministered after 6 months. Are you eligible for monoclonal antibodies? Have you had them? What is your experience? I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.

Prior to working with Dr. Stracks, he didn't recognize the fact that he was a worried, anxious, stressed-out person. When Dr. Stracks said, “You may need to take it easy on yourself," he thought he meant physically. With a great house, family, an active life, Mike thought he had the game beat. Now it’s obvious him he was anxious his whole life. He has no desire to blame his parents, they were acting out of their pain, while it’s difficult to discuss, his father (who had a really hard childhood) had a bad temper. Mike feels that by sharing his story he's releasing his dad of his burden. There is no blame. This is not physical violence or sexual abuse but simple benign everyday trauma. Thinking about how trauma forms us and gets passed down through the generations, he now sees the triggers and behaviors related to emotional repression. Through the simple act of talking about it, the pain releases. Whereas he used to become angry and withdrawn at times, now he can feel it happening early and take some deep breaths and shift those patterns and the subsequent pain. He says acceptance is not giving up but to “consent to the world as it exists… align with the reality of the world” Things are cyclical, if this is a difficult moment this moment will pass. He proclaims "It’s amazing how much better it is to live this way!" When asked about the role of western medicine in his and his family's life now, he talks about encouraging his daughter to treat some recent pain with meditation and tracking her emotions. He often ponders when/whether to see a doctor. He thinks he’ll know when the time is right. For now, he embraces the mind-body connection and wellness based on that – and he still gets a physical every year. He acknowledges that four years ago, he couldn’t have spoken like this. His journey has been a gift. His purpose in life is to share it. We all have false beliefs of ourselves, when we remove the armor it's a much better way to live. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you. WIN A COPY OF MIKE'S BOOK Here's how to enter: 1) Leave me a rating or review on whatever audio podcast platform you listen to. 2) Let me know you've done that by emailing me at hello@annetteleonard.com or leaving me a comment about it on YouTube so that you can be entered in to the drawing. If you have a preference about which book you'd like, let me know in your comment or email. (I’m also giving away a copy of Arlene Faulk's "Walking on Pins and Needles.") 3) If you'd like to be entered multiple times you can also post about one (or both of the books) and tag me on Instagram @theAnnetteLeonard including tag of either #mypainbodysolution or @arlenefaulk for up to two additional entries. The drawing is planned for Mike's book is on 7/5 (Arlene's will be on 6/30).

Mike found a physician who works with TMS (tension myositis syndrome) patients and began learning about repressed emotions and the role they’ve played in his life. Working with Dr. Stracks and a therapist, he isn't seeing a shift in your pain. If he were mentoring someone, he would tell them it isn’t a straight path, you have to be patient. He was being asked to notice spikes in pain. All sensations were incredibly threatening. That led to fear and increased pain. He was encouraged to notice what he was feeling before there was a spike in pain. With months of meditation, he noticed his pain threshold dropping. Then he was able to witness a spike in pain. Now he can go back and see how he repressed his emotions and his body could take no more. He hid behind a veneer of success – thinking money can buy happiness. Money definitely makes life easier, but it doesn’t eliminate suffering. Being able to be with his pain rather than being consumed by his pain was a total shift. Pain was such a threat to his way of life. It was shocking to learn that he could be in pain but still find some peace. Being able to calm myself down he could face what needed to be faced. Meditation has changed his life in powerful ways. But it is something that takes time and practice. It took time to take hold but now he’s now less judgmental, more open. Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion of my interview with Mike, We’ll discuss the way his emotions ran under the surface of his experience throughout his life without his conscious awareness of their power. Also Mike will talk a bit about his father, and the way ancestral trauma formed him and created emotional triggers related to his repressed emotions. And how the simple act of talking about emotions releases some of the pain. You won’t want to miss the conclusion of my interview I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you. WIN A COPY OF MIKE'S BOOK Here's how to enter: 1) Leave me a rating or review on whatever audio podcast platform you listen to. 2) Let me know you've done that by emailing me at hello@annetteleonard.com or leaving me a comment about it on YouTube so that you can be entered in to the drawing. If you have a preference about which book you'd like, let me know in your comment or email. (I’m also giving away a copy of Arlene Faulk's "Walking on Pins and Needles.") 3) If you'd like to be entered multiple times you can also post about one (or both of the books) and tag me on Instagram @theAnnetteLeonard including tag of either #mypainbodysolution or @arlenefaulk for up to two additional entries. The drawing is planned for Mike's book is on 7/5 (Arlene's will be on 6/30).