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62 minutes | Sep 24, 2014
Episode 43 - Storm Crazy and Pickpocketing Bees
Well I've finally cut episode 43! Everything is coming to an end so shit is crazy hectic lately. But the move and transition is only 3 weeks away, and then hopefully we can get these shows going again. We started the show with that ALS challenge. Which by now I think is pretty obsolete. But man....it was HUGE when we did it. Shows how long ago we did this show. So it's been a crazy news time lately. We talk about all of the rioting going on. Ahhhhh....that takes me back to the LA days! Jess does her news stories, which include National Topless Day. Why isn't every day topless day? OBAMA!!!! We talk about the Napa earthquake, which is a complete tragedy. I mean, I don't really care about the damage to buildings....but all that awesome wine destroyed forever....terrible! Jess talks about pickpocketing bees and tape worms. We talk about the Mexican CEO who changed his company to a 4 day work week, and says it's the best thing ever! Jess has a huge storm roll through, and you can hear crazy thunder throughout the show. Sounds like Armageddon going off. We touch on the beheadings that are unfortunate going on in the news, and how these barbarians need to be dealt with. And we finish the show discussing a friend Jess and I met, who happens to be a gay pastor. We discuss if we could go to a church where the pastor is gay. This will probably be the last show for a bit. Once the dust settles with everything, we'll be back. But probably will be a little different of a show. As always, thanks to those of you who have listened despite the hiccups we're currently having.
42 minutes | Aug 29, 2014
Episode 42 - Man Boobs, Herpes, and Short Legs
We're back.....kinda! And trading out old problems for new ones. Uggghh! So with all the crazyness going on for every member of this show at the moment, there's having to be a little restructuring at the moment so in the interim until I move (42 more days!), we will try but probably will not be able to do a show weekly. We're hoping to have a bi-weekly show until my move is final. Just too hectic of schedules for now. I completely re-did my laptop in hoping to get the audio jump fixed, which it's seemed to have fixed! But now....in this episode being the first one done with a new laptop, the goddam audio just decides to randomly mute us in the middle of a conversation. So I cut all the silence out, problem is you miss the comedy gold! Courtney was on this episode as she was visiting Jess in Florida. If you don't know who she is, she was one of the original 5. And also guest starring was Matt's loud ass washing machine. I'm surprised there's any clothes left after that jet engine in there is done whipping those clothes around! Steve was also back to guest appeared on our show which is always welcome. And debuting was Black God. He's a work in progress. Jess and Courtney talk about their awesome bacon fest that they went on. And I'm really jealous. We talk about the Country Thunder trip we went on. And our "Fucking Diack!" incident along with Troy's trip wire around our camp. Of course of audio starts kicking out right then......so freaking aggravating. Matt talks about his making out with a Great Dane. He needs to stop doing that.....he's losing his lips! Then we talk about the whole Robin Williams thing. Which is very sad. But we more focus on what depression actually is, call it our PSA episode if you will. We made it a quick episode. One because it the girls had to leave for the airport and two, because my fucking audio went out! But we're back....kinda! We did another episode as well that I'll put out next week. Haven't heard it yet....but there better be audio!Matt....stop making out with dogs!Mikey....you too!
88 minutes | Aug 7, 2014
Episode 41 - Spider Burned My House Down
I'm ready to throw it all in the river! The sound sucks now that we're relying on Skype. And I'm working on a fix. So apologize that this episode sounds terrible due to technical difficulties. Which is a shame because I finally get my neighbor Scot on as a guest. I also have to preface that us guys were smoking and BBQing all day, so a little buzzed for the show. I begin the show on how Archie, you know....the old innocent Archie and Jugghead comic....dies. And just the fact that he dies is strange to me, but how he dies is even weirder for that type of comic. Jess makes fun of Mike and all his Under Armor clothes. I'm still not convinced on that wicking material. My dogs then of course act up, for pretty much the entire show. They're terrible terrible creatures! I talk about how Maggie caused me to burn my damn hand off. We debate on whether or not crazy is hereditary, and can you pass off your crazyness to your kids. We bring the show down with the shot down Malaysian airline, but with the happy ukulele playing in the background....it doesn't sound so bad! Jess does her news stories, of which includes some lady burning down her house to kill a spider. And I end the show interviewing Scot, who is the lead guitarist of the band None Will Fall. I'm jealous of the rock star life, so I completely have to live vicariously though his stories. It was awesome to finally get him on. Now go buy his shit!http://www.allmusic.com/album/divided-we-stand-mw0001672858
6 minutes | Jul 31, 2014
Shootin the Sh!t - Part 12
I have no idea what this one was about!
99 minutes | Jul 31, 2014
Episode 40 - Perogies and Tacos
Uugghhh.....how to describe this one. Hmm. Well.....we made it to the big 4-0!!! We are now an old ass show! And probably our last show for sure. Podcast police will be at our door after this one!! It was hot as balls doing this show since my AC is now broken. The heat must've gotten to our heads. So we start the show with a recording from the nerd radio show that Jess and I called in on. If you don't remember, listen to last week's show. Well, one of the guys on the show got a wrong phone call while being piss drunk, and I play the confrontation. We then try and figure out how we can use the same spoof app to make people randomly call someone. This could be fun! We talk about the first time we did something where we knew THAT was the moment we were going to hell. I have too many moment now that I think of it. We talk about whether or not we've watched porn with a person of the opposite sex. I have not....and I'm still curious of that "process". If you make it this far.....you'll learn about the puppet show. And you'll wish you had not! Mikey Poo tells us his porn watching with a girl fiasco. Then someone calls in with, I believe, the name Phil McCrackin. Lemme just say, weirdest call. AND I had a hard time recovering on with the show after the call. Matt talks about a study that says that having a TV in the bedroom ups the ol' sexy time. Which I totally disagree with. We try to determine how many calories are burned during sex. Then we do a celebratory shot for now being over the hill. And rather than drink it, Jess shoots it out her nose!! And Mike and I play "eat the cherry". Moonshine cherries are a terrible idea by the way. Then a caller calls in and asks whether he should do a girl with Herpes. Then after him, Phil McCrackin is back on! After those crazy callers, we end the show. Can't compete after that. It's been a fun ass 40 shows though. Hopefully the podcast police don't breakdown my door and throw my equipment in the river. If they do, look for the new podcast called Perogies and Tacos Dumb Ass Internet Radio Show. Or PTDAIRS. Not as flowing as CHIPS, but it'll do!Man.....vodka out the nose has GOTTA burn!!
48 minutes | Jul 22, 2014
Episode 39 - An Apple A Day Keeps It Wet
I know it's been a while since we've done an actual episode. We finally we're able to do one with Jess actually home and in the studio. We start the intro's with my favorite new drop and it's Mikey's drop. It's awesome!! We talk about the show Silicon Valley. I haven't seen it but the segment I play on it totally makes me have to go start! Anything that can take jerking 800 guys to a mathematical equation is "genius"! We do Jess's news stories and learn that smelling farts makes you healthier. I still contend that mine definitely would not make you healthier. We also learn that an apple makes women......lubricated. And we watch the new fad that is cracking me up.....the random "F#ck her right in the p##sy" being found on billboards and news segments. And we end with some auto-tune fun. We hear what Brittany Spears sounds like without her saving tool. Reminds me of that Simpsons episode where they break the auto-tune during a boy-band concert and they sound terrible. It was a quick episode but we wanted to get two in so that we had Jess her for our "over the hill" 40th show!
4 minutes | Jul 3, 2014
Shootin the Sh!t - Part 11
Yup.....another one of these!
89 minutes | Jul 3, 2014
Episode 38 - Mormon Jesus
This one ended funny. The only problem is my computer started stuttering. I think I've figured out the cause, and it seems to stutter my audio anytime I pull up a web page. So just warning of that. The second warning, if you were offended by last weeks show, you may be in this one too. If Mormon Jesus offends you, you've been warned! I start the show with a Maggie update, and my getting robbed drama. And how I always seem to get robbed on the premiere of Americas God Talent. I play a clip of me being on a radio show. The News Junkie is the show on real radio 104.1. Good show so try it out sometime. Of course it's not as good as us though! Then Matt surprise shows up and joins in. We talk about our trip to Orlando and how fun it was. Which gets me in a tirade over no one speaking English there. I weep for the future of what's left of this country. Mike and I talk about our weird weekend adventure. I don't know how him and I get into these situations! Jess does her news stories, which includes a guy in a wood chipper and reasons for sexting! I creep everyone out trying to figure out how we came to be. You know, like why you're parents fornicated that day and made you. Think about it!! We discuss whether it's a good thing that Sting is not giving his money to his kids. Does it produce better children when they have to work for things. Then we get to the sacralicious part. We talk about getting a beer with Jesus. And what that situation would be like. In trying to go through this senario, I start wondering what he would look like. And the whole topic changes to Mormon Jesus. Which is not the Middle Eastern looking Jesus. That would make too much sense seeing is how he would have been in the middle east. Instead, Mormon Jesus is blonde with blue eyes! He looks like Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones. And now I'm waiting for the lightning to strike me dead! Sorry again for stuttering. Makes me so mad!!Jaime Lannister JesusMormon Jesus
11 minutes | Jun 24, 2014
Shootin the Sh!t - Part 10
72 minutes | Jun 24, 2014
Episode 37 - Broken Eardrums and Fundies
Getting close to that big 4 0!! So I had a weird week. My dog Maggie had a stroke, and my ear drum ruptured for no apparent reason. So I start off the show with that "fun" bit of information. Since I wasn't prepared for this show because of my drama week, we start off with Jess's news stories, that include a condom that just goes on the tip, which will never work, and a serial tickler. So look out! He may tickle you! For some reason we talk about fundies. Remember those? We talk about wet dreams, which I apparently seem the only one whose gone through puberty, because no one else has had one! We debate on whether or not it was right that some churches giving prizes to get people in to go. I think that's very wrong. We were watching the hockey game while doing it, so we celebrate when they the Hawks win. Mikey Poo asks our favorite doin it position and place. And we end the show with Matt's song this week. Which all I can say is....what the fuck was that?!
138 minutes | Jun 19, 2014
Episode 36 - Most Offensive Episode
I'm still struggling getting through days at the moment, so trying to be able to get to editing these shows has been pretty tough. So I apologize for the delay with this one.I'm not sure how to start with this one. It's weird to see how are show has evolved, especially if it's three of us, for some reason it turns from fart jokes to kinda serious. Don't worry there's plenty of fart jokes too. But I think this is probably our most offensive episode. We start the show with the Game of Thrones intro, just cause we're all totally into the show right now. Mikey Poo is out of this episode, but Matt and I do a show with Jess Skyping in Florida. And so of course she's making fun of "us" Illinoisians. I talk about my impacted bowel issue I had. I've never been so scared taking a shit. Matt talks about his Mother's Day spent calling 911. We get in a little climate change debate again. Don't worry, this one was fast. We talk about the story with Five Finger Death Punch in a concert in Fort Myers. After you hear about it, was the band in the wrong or was the dad? Or was anyone in the wrong or are we all just pussies? That gets us on topic of what was the last thing that offended you? Think about it. And if you can remember, if it was from anything other than something someone personally close to you did or said, then you are the problem with why everything is so pussified. And you should DEFINITELY not listen to this episode. We talk about why stereotypes come to be, and do you get angry being generalized. We then take a break for our sponsor and to get off the negativity. Jess starts her news stories. Our new town we moved to is in the news, for a racist beer pong game. Other stories include vagina inspections and shitting on slides. Jess reads off some of the best Cards Against Humanity answers. Man......these make my cry laugh. I talk about how I actually went to the doctor, and how it was a waste of time just like every time I go. We debate on whether or not we are smarter than the average American, and does money indicate how smart you are. We have a beer of the week and Jess closes the show with the song of the week. We're still working out the kinks with Skype, but I think it was a pretty good show. Thanks for listening.
11 minutes | Jun 9, 2014
Shootin the Sh!t - Part 9
Again, shitty week what with being robbed and all, so no idea what's on this. But you know the drill by now. Think it's got some talking about sticking stuff up stuff.
74 minutes | Jun 9, 2014
Episode 35 - Octagoat and Dough Cockring
So I'm prefacing this episode in that I have not been able to edit it. Week from hell is an understatement with my dog having a stroke and some fucking asshole stealing my wallet. I just haven't had time. But I wanted to get this episode up. This was the first episode with Jess in Florida, so she was on through Skype. And we had Mikey's new girlfriend, Jamie, on the show. I'm not really sure what all we talked about since I haven't edited it yet. But I just remember an 8 legged goat and a creepy story about my mom's old boss. I've attached links if any listeners become interested in the tragedy. Because I'm sure with my terrible story telling skills, I completely botched the story. http://murderpedia.org/female.C/c/caro-socorro.htmhttp://articles.latimes.com/2001/aug/23/local/me-37438
104 minutes | Jun 3, 2014
Episode 34 - Conquering Fears - Dreaded Two Man Show
Well I finally did it, at almost 100 episodes in. I finally conquered my fears and did a two man show with Matt, who is now a pro at it since he's done two now! Matt and I were watching the Blackhawks game and talking about his and Mikey Poo's episode, and how I never could get the guts to do one. So he said "Let's do one!". Jess is now in Florida, and was out with her friends. But she does call in at the beginning from a bar to fill us in. We talk about our moving horrors. Man I'm glad that's all done with.....for now! Somehow we talk about how smart octopuses are. Matt plays a video of the Russian guy going on a virtual roller coaster on that Oculus Rift thingy. It's pretty funny watching this guy totally freak out. We talk some space talk. Matt has me play this creepy as band. Who must obviously be devil worshipers. Which really ends up weirding me out. And we try and figure out why that is given my thoughts on all that spiritual stuff. And we have an actual commercial now, which you will hear. It actually ended up being a fun show despite my fear. And it must have been, because we just planned on doing a 30 minute short show!
10 minutes | May 27, 2014
Shootin the Sh!t - Part 8
155 minutes | May 27, 2014
Episode33-Jess's Send Off
Well the time has finally come and we're moving to Florida this week. But I'm coming back for a bit before I'm a permanent Floridian. So this is the send off episode for Jess. So we had a couple guests on the show--Jess's best friend Niki, who was on in the last episode, and her boyfriend Ish. We start the show with Jess's news stories. Involving lizards going up weens and people sticking guns up their twizzles. Jess goes over the different types of hang overs and we learn a little science about drinking. We are the #1 most scientific podcast. We listen to what happens when a telemarketer forgets to hang up their phone, and sings to her pet. It's pretty damn funny. You all know you sing to your pets too!!! I start to talk about the rudest things we're all doing on a daily bases. Farting came in to play, and then took over! We have our beer of the week and toast Jess's move. We talk about whether or not it's ok to talk to someone while they're peeing. We end the show with 20 80's remakes that are coming out. It's too many remakes if you ask me. What happened to originality people?!?! It was a fun show, and always fun to have guests on. Thanks for listening. And good luck to Jess!
29 minutes | May 19, 2014
Shootin the Sh!t - Part 7
All I can say is just listen to this one. Been dying to post this b-sides. Jess finally wakes up and man....she's like a one woman comedy show!
102 minutes | May 19, 2014
Episode 32-Tattoos and Downward Whacking Dog
I've been excited to post this one. We all went to get tattoos together and then did a show after to talk about it. Only Mikey Poo wasn't on this one. Instead, we had a special guest, Niki, who we had been trying to get on the show for a while. We talk about the tattoos of course. And talk about some pretty crazy drama that happened about a block from me. For once it was exciting living in a degenerate ghetto! And we're changing our show to Boobs podcast, with hosts Nipple and Aureola. We're going to morning radio shock jocking! Jess does the news stories. Somewhere in there, we take a break. And as we're coming back from the break, famous last words spoken by Jess was "Oh man, I poured a lot of Vodka!". As she's going on with the news, you hear the moment it hits, and it's pretty damn funny. It's pretty much in mid sentence! She talks about how supposedly, alcohol free bars are the new rage. Which is crazy to me. Who want's to go to a bar sober. That's like going to a steak house for a salad! We talk about video of a skydiver almost getting knocked out of the sky by an asteroid. I explain the horrors I learned about piercing people from what our tattoo guy explained to me. And it's pretty damn nasty! Jess goes over a list of the worst beers, and I'm happy to say that Bud Light beat out Miller for the worst! Take that Budweiser! Jess talks about how as we get older, we seem to just wish our life away. At least I think that's what she was talking about. She had the hiccups pretty bad, so we try and help her get rid of them. It was a lost cause! I think she falls asleep around this time. So now Mikey Poo can tease her about this. I think Matt is the only one left to not pass out on a show yet! Matt shows us a video of a guy freaking out in the new virtual reality gaming system. There's no way I could play that. I can barely play regular games without scream jumping! We close the show with a website I found called tiii.me. If you're ever bored, go on there. You can find out how much TV you have watched. I'm almost up to a year!! It's pretty addicting. And we end the show with my new favorite emo son by Echo and the Bunnyman. Killing time!! There's a group pic of all of us with our tattoos. But I don't have it so here's some pics that are on my phone. I'll post our group one once I can find it.
19 minutes | May 13, 2014
Shootin the Sh!t - Part 6
More B-Sides. Can't want for next weeks. It's freaking hilarious!
125 minutes | May 12, 2014
Episode 31 - Nose Bleeds and Breakfast Bundle
So I finally got a bloody nose. 33 years old and finally got one. Sounds weird....but a pretty exciting thing for me. Jess goes through the reasons why Florida is the best state according to some poll, and then we try and find an Illinois one. Lets just say Florida wins hands down. Thus reaffirming......DON'T MOVE TO ILLINOIS!! We find out that Mikey Poo has never had Chipotle, and even more shocking....Taco Bell too! I couldn't live without Taco Bell. Jess does her news, and starts with a guy that has three balls. Screw that! It's hard enough having two! She then talks about what people in different states are searching for in porn. Seems that the #1 for all states is some chick named Lisa Anne. She must be a freak! Would you drink a goat brain beer? Apparently someone brewed that for the Walking dead finale. Gross! Our #1 caller Terry calls in. We discuss thing that women think turn us on, but us men actually hate them. So don't touch my damn nipples! Matt talks about a blind and deaf girl that gets a cochlear implant. The footage is pretty freaking powerful. In that conversation, I talk about the weird blind guy that I knew as a teen. And if you've ever watched family guy....he was pretty much Herbert! Pretty weird situation now that I talk about it 20 years later! And we close the show with conversation killers. It was a pretty funny show, and actually kinda intelligent. You might learn something in this one!!
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