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But Not All At Once
92 minutes | Jul 22, 2021
He is Not Less than Anyone with Abby Banks
One night can change everything. Abby Banks, this week's guest, put her healthy infant son to sleep, but the next morning, he was paralyzed. Without warning, a rare autoimmune disease attacked his spinal cord; there was no cure or road map for healing from his diagnosis, transverse myelitis, short of a miracle.Abby walks us through the life she envisioned for Wyatt, and the one her son has today. Rather than facing the unknown full of fear, the Banks family finds joy in every gift - including the freedom and possibilities Wyatt's wheelchair provides. Whether you are waiting for a miracle, frustrated and facing challenges, or ready to celebrate every good thing in your life, this conversation will move you. Follow But Not All At Once on Instagram for a giveaway of Abby's book, Love Him Anyway, later this week."I could drown myself in a sea of anger because life hasn't turned out the way I planned, but I know that life is a gift, and I want to fight to make ours amazing, no matter what it looks like..."-from Love Him Anyway
62 minutes | Jul 15, 2021
What the '90s and '00s Taught Us About Beauty - and Have We Unlearned It?
When I recall the beauty standards of my formative years, I think of two Kates, one Fiona, and my beloved (but sometimes side-eyed) Friends. Kate Moss, the queen of heroin chic; headlines decrying "overweight" Kate Winslet; Fiona Apple, unshowered, underfed, and undressed on a dirty carpet in her "Criminal" video; and Friends' lazy punchlines about Monica in a fat suit.Not to mention Bridget Jones' topping out at 140lbs in her panicked diet diary entries or Renee Zellwegger's "brave" weight gain to portray her. Nor the worrisomely slim women of Ally McBeal. Or Regina George's puffer coat masquerading as an upsetting weight gain plot point in Mean Girls.Today Kristen Watson and I tackle pop culture and marketing; body image, positivity and diversity; whether we've left '90s beauty standards behind us; and the upside of social media's portrayal of everyday women and the many kinds of beauty they hold.Get ready for a ride that touches on:1. Britney's nude-and-crystal body stocking, J Lo's green Versace dress, and why 2000s fashion made a woman's body the ultimate accessory. 2. What is normal versus what's normalized. (Do you hear Oprah saying that in her "silent or silencedddd" voice?)3. The puzzle of compliments - how to use our words to build up the people we find beautiful.4. The pressure of being perceived. We know when we're being sized up, measured, and found lacking/worthwhile. What do we do about it?5. Supergoop's Handscreen SPF and what kind of dunce falls for it. 6. Why middle school boys called me Tic-Tac Girl, and how I feel about it today.7. Whether the "COVID 15" jokes can go away now.8. The "we don't care what you look like or what you're wearing - just come!" disclaimer every post-pandemic invite needs.9. Why lacking visible ribs and tan lines was once considered a status symbol - but also why archaic beauty standards are still everywhere.10. Our moms could just toss the VS catalogs if they didn't want us to see them. What does that look like in a modern world?JUICY BONUS: Kristen's teen heartthrob boyfriend who shared a set with Jessica Biel while they dated, and whose face makes me cringe now.Though we touch on the Victoria's Secret/VS Collective rebrand here, the remaining hour (yes, we have thoughts) is live on Patreon now. It'll take me a minute to come down from visiting the high of visiting the touring Friends set today; I'm basically Penny Lane-level groupie for that traveling orange Central Perk couch.So many future chats may have been born in this hour: A Notebook/Mean Girls breakdown. The history and frustrating glory of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit cover. (Yay, someone who looks less emaciated is on the cover, but is this our ultimate goal?) What Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera could have accomplished if the media hadn't positioned them as enemy rivals. The list goes on - and I can't wait to hear your thoughts!Find us on Instagram, Patreon, or at the podcast's website to continue the discussion!
39 minutes | Jul 1, 2021
Girl, You Don't Need Rachel Hollis
You can't be an expert on living. Perhaps intuitive eating, child-rearing, business, style, fitness - any number of things that require licenses, credentials or letters after your name. But living? Hmm. Perhaps that's how we got into a "personal development" situation.After our first Rachel Hollis discussion, there was a clamor to dive in a bit deeper, so here we are. Let's talk masterful word salad, accountability versus cancel culture, platforms versus pedestals, and what it means to be authentic.Can't wait to hear your thoughts! xoxo
39 minutes | Jun 17, 2021
"Lili?! But...": On a Royal Baby's Name and an International Brouhaha
Lilibet Diana Mountbatten-Windsor arrived ten days ago; a press release and a flurry of headlines marked her debut. This week we delve into royal names, royal gossip, my baby-naming preferences and strategy, and more.Next we'll dive into Rachel Hollis' return to (and quick retreat from) social media on Patreon. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!
75 minutes | Jun 10, 2021
What Makes a "Good" Mom with Mary Van Geffen
Parenting coach Mary Van Geffen guides folks daily through the process of raising "spicy" kids. Want to really get her going? Talk about the societal pressure to be a "good" mom, and the many meaningless, artificial and external markers that indicate what success looks like for modern parents.Mary unpacks and refutes every bit of that. I wish I could quote our entire conversation, but you'll just have to listen yourself. We cover every Southern woman's weakness; the perpetual people pleasers who seek her guidance; why the key to a happy home is in us, not our children; and (in an exercise that brings me to tears) how to create a relationship our grown children will rush home to each Thanksgiving.What DOES success look like in raising children? Mary's perspective may change your whole approach to parenting.Resources mentioned:Mary Van Geffen's website and Instagram The Gottman Institute feeling wheelBrittney Bolt, our Enneagram 7 guest, on being a surrogate for strangersMeredith Jaggard, prioritizing herself and her marriage while parenting and kicking MS square in the teethDo Less by Kate NorthrupTry Softer by Aundie KolberSupport But Not All At Once via our Patreon, where you can catch an hour-long update (and a metric ton of inspiration) from Meredith Jaggard, plus videos, giveaways, upcoming guest Q&As, and more.As always, you can find Anne at email@example.com and @butnotallatonce across social media platforms.
63 minutes | May 27, 2021
A Child's Mental Health Shapes Generations
As Mental Health Awareness Month ends, we talk with Tanya Camunas about how families can break generational cycles; what makes healing from trauma possible; how communities can preserve families and support their children's mental health; and why families of every socioeconomic status struggle.More than an executive director far removed from her field, Tanya herself is in therapy to heal from childhood trauma. Adopted at two after neglect and abuse from parents with untreated mental illnesses, she is a living example to the families she serves.Learn more about A Child's Haven and its work at achildshaven.org. Resources mentioned include:Ashley Adams: Surviving a Spouse’s Substance Abuse episodeDr. Nika White: Diversity & Inclusion episodeCatherine Schumacher: Public Education Partners episodeThe ACES questionnaireRight Now, I Am Fine: Tanya’s favorite children’s book for stress, anxiety and struggles Institute for Child SuccessChildren’s Trust of South CarolinaACH's Recommended Resources for FamiliesSupport the work of But Not All At Once with a $3 subscription to Patreon, where you'll find extra episodes and videos. (Psst: Meredith Jaggard’s kicking-MS-in-the-teeth hour of inspiration and updates goes live there this week!)As always, you can reach Anne at firstname.lastname@example.org, find the podcast via @butnotallatonce across social platforms, and learn more at butnotallatonce.com.
63 minutes | May 20, 2021
Staying, Leaving and Surviving a Spouse's Addiction
Author Ashley Adams is a happily married mother of three; if you saw her around her Virginia hometown, you'd never guess what she's survived. Today Ashley shares her years-long struggle to decide if she should leave or stay in her first marriage to a man who secretly battled alcoholism. With two toddlers, she became a single mother who would eventually walk them through the loss of their father to his addiction. Unable to find the resources she needed, Ashley wrote her own; you can find her books here or connect with Ashley on Instagram.But Not All At Once has also addressed changing your relationship with alcohol, whether it's an addiction or a habit you want to re-examine, in an episode with sobriety coach Kim Banks.Please know that there is zero judgment in our community. Seeking support is incredibly brave; there can absolutely be change, hope, and brighter days ahead. If you need help addressing substance abuse, please call 1-800-662-HELP.Moved by this episode? Send your own questions for Ashley to email@example.com, and look for her follow-up discussion this summer on Patreon. But Not All At Once will be back with a Prince Harry/Armchair Expert podcast breakdown soon, as well as an update from our first-ever guest, Meredith Jaggard, on Patreon next week. A $3 Patreon subscription gets you extra episodes, videos, giveaways, and catch-ups with fan favorites like Meredith. And it makes the work we do possible. Thank you!
62 minutes | May 13, 2021
What Faith Could Look Like with Rev. Kendra Plating
Our 95th episode focuses on a topic listeners have requested for months: faith. Where does one start? How can you deconstruct a lifetime of beliefs and rebuild new, deeper ones? What role does spirituality have in modern society? How has the need to congregate changed during Covid?Rev. Kendra Plating and I could have discussed this for days, but in an hour we touch on women in church leadership; healing from church or childhood trauma; deconstructing from a legalistic Christian background; listening to perspectives even if you don't agree with them; the importance of self-reflection and serving those around you; and finding freedom from what ties us down.I hope you'll hear this conversation as just that - a discussion, not a sermon. There are so many more questions to address, which we'll do on Patreon with Kendra this summer. Today you'll hear her reference authors Barbara Brown Taylor, Nadia Bolz-Weber, Anne Lamott, Richard Rohr and Henri Nouwen; you'll also hear us mention Beth Moore and Tim Keller. Until we hear from Kendra again, look for our very first guest ever, Meredith Jaggard, to share updates on her move across the country to beat MS. (If you haven't listened to her episode, now's the time!) Her "next chapter" chat will be on Patreon in two weeks, and I can't wait to share how she's kicking MS in the teeth and starting from scratch all over again with another move for her little family.Have questions? Thoughts? Reach out via DM or at firstname.lastname@example.org.Support the work of our podcast with a $3 Patreon subscription to get more episodes, guest follow-ups, videos and more. We appreciate your listens, shares, reviews and messages of encouragement!
101 minutes | May 6, 2021
The Long Road to Motherhood with Margot Guy
(A little caveat: It's Mother's Day week. If you're in a tender spot around parenthood, loss, or pregnancy, be gentle with yourself and pick another episode. Shoot me a DM and we'll find just the words you need to hear today.)"Ten in ten." That's how Margot Guy describes the losses she and her husband, TJ, have faced in a decade of trying to grow their family. Nearly six years after becoming parents to a baby girl born halfway across the world, thanks to a surrogate in Mumbai, the Guy family of three hopes to expand once more. This chapter of their story is still in process.Still in the thick of her story, Margot's words will encourage you, equip you to help friends walking this same path, and remind you of the simple gifts of motherhood, community and resilience.As you'll hear in today's episode, Margot is mid-IVF cycle, preparing for a second round of gestational surrogacy. We plan to have her back on our Patreon channel with updates as she has them.Support But Not All At Once and give more women like Margot the chance to tell their stories by subscribing to Patreon.com/butnotallatonce.As always, you can find Anne at @butnotallatonce or email@example.com.
66 minutes | Apr 29, 2021
Dear Annie: Advice for Listeners (and Preaching to Myself)
Since discovering Dear Abby in the early '90s, my dream has been to have an advice column. Giving people wisdom you'd never live out yourself - how does adulthood get better than that?Here we dive into an hour of DMs, comments and other listener submissions ranging from unwanted houseguests, post-COVID socializing, brides as centers of the universe, body boundaries, managing post-divorce dating expectations, naming babies, planning your family size, why there should be two different Mother’s Days, and handling a toxic workplace.Want to keep my childhood dreams alive? Submit your own questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.If you've loved our content or been moved by a story shared here, subscribe at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce for just $3 a month to hear extra episodes and bring more compelling guests to our virtual dining room table.
95 minutes | Apr 22, 2021
'I'm Sad' is Hard to Say with Sangeeta Hardy
Spoiler alert: Sangeeta Hardy is snuggling a baby as you read this. The decade of her life before meeting her daughter, however, brought hurdle after hurdle: infertility, miscarriage, surrogacy, potential adoption, grief amidst marriage, wincing at baby shower invitations, and hours of therapy to prove that feelings deserve to be felt, not compartmentalized.You'll love Sangeeta's assertion that, while immensely grateful, she didn't need this happy ending to be happy. Her friends taught her lessons that she's ready to share with you - about dragging sad women to tropical islands and not giving up on them even when they're "unraveling." If you too have found the courage to admit, "I'm sad," this episode is for you.Find out more at @butnotallatonce across social media platforms or butnotallatonce.com. Support our work on Patreon and get ready for giveaways, extra guest access, and even more women's stories in our community there.
44 minutes | Apr 19, 2021
Culpability, Compassion & Khloe Kardashian
Let's talk about the recent Khloe Kardashian kerfuffle. An (allegedly) unedited swimsuit photo of her made its way to Instagram via her grandmother; the whirlwind that ensued convinced many that Khloe suffers as intensely from body dysmorphia as her followers, who consume the family's typically Photoshopped content, do.In this episode we dissect the weird mix of culpability (you create the beauty standards you suffer from, Khloe!) and compassion (unrelenting media scrutiny and decades of bullying) around this topic.We touch on growing up in the '90s, when Kate Winslet was "Titanic-sized" and every sitcom's "fat friend" was a hefty size 6 or 8. We dive into diet culture, body dysmorphia, unreasonable expectations for women's appearances, and how we shake off these shackles to heal the next generation.This episode first launched on Patreon, where you can get access to additional podcast content while supporting the work of But Not All At Once.
22 minutes | Apr 15, 2021
A Pep Talk for Moms Times Two
A long-promised mini pep talk for women bringing home their second babies. You know just enough to worry yourself sick, but not enough to feel confident that you can do this once again. Let me be the voice who reminds you: You. Sure. Can.You may be wondering if your world is about to be flipped upside down again. Can you love another small human? Who will need you most? How can you ever, in a moment of double tears, pick one over the other? How will you find the guts to ask for help? What should you say to yourself when no one's around to buoy your sleepy spirits?Step one: Listen to this pep talk from But Not All At Once's first week.Step two: Remember you've made it, blindfolded and brand new at parenting, out of the woods before. You can do it again, even if the terrain is different.Step three: Ask for help. Spell out what you need. Nap without guilt. Wave the white flag without wavering. People are in your corner.The fact that you're here, hoping to do your best, means you're phenomenal at this job. I'm proud of you. xoxo
48 minutes | Apr 15, 2021
An Anne Intro: A Peek at How We Got Here
If talker's block were a thing, I'd have the opposite. SO many things to tell you and so little time before your AirPods need charging.After last week's rollicking Rachel Hollis rundown, we have oodles of new folks and a number of longtime listeners who may not know the who/what/why on Earth is this girl pulling life stories out of every woman she's ever met?So here's a quick peek into my brain and chapter one of a (fifteen-part, believe it or not) series that'll continue on Patreon.We'll cover motherhood, marriage, emergency surgery, birth "defects," miscarriage, high-risk pregnancy, PTSD, grief, denial, gratitude-mixed-with-genuine-heartache, skull fracture, premature birth, unwelcome genetic testing results, NICU stays, developmental delays, failure to thrive, friends who know just what to do, questioning yourself, lying to the world, carrying on as a functioning adult when your life is crumbling - all of it.This is part one, plus a preview of the next stretch of content for But Not All At Once: more personal stories from women you haven't met yet, another deep dive into Rachel Hollis, a Khloe Kardashian/beauty culture/compassion/culpability/damaging 1990s aesthetics breakdown and more.You can support our work and get early access to more content at Patreon.com/butnotallatonce. Thanks for being here!
60 minutes | Apr 9, 2021
Girl, That's Not An Apology: On Rachel Hollis, Cancel Culture, Condescension & Consequences
Here's a spicy take to start your weekend! Get the rundown on the brouhaha around Rachel Hollis' careless condescension and oblivious "apology" this week.We walk through personal development gurus, hypocrisy, privilege, cancel culture, consequences, accountability, growth, and the kiss of death in personal relationships (and public ones too).Support the podcast at Patreon.com/butnotallatonce, where we'll be tackling the toxic combination of body dysmorphia, beauty standards (both the creation and upholding of them), fame and Photoshop in Khloe Kardashian's recent photo kerfuffle.Can't wait to hear your thoughts! As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce and butnotallatonce.com. xoxo
72 minutes | Apr 8, 2021
Inventing Your Dream Job with Lacey Hennessey
Artist Lacey Hennessey joins us to talk money, courage, fulfillment, optimism and whether Beyonce has more hours in the day than the rest of us. (She doesn't, but she DOES pay a lot of people to do things you might enjoy doing yourself.)Whether you have a secret dream you'd love to pursue, wonder how much money "starving" artists can actually make, or want to stop caring what others think, Lacey's infectious attitude may be just what you need.Need specific advice or encouragement? Lacey will join us on Patreon for a listener Q&A later this month! Just email or DM your questions my way. You can find Lacey at hennesseyinthehome.com or @hennesseyinthehome across social media platforms.Look for our hustle culture/cancel culture/contrition/condescension/Rachel Hollis controversy episode before the weekend to dissect the other side of influencers, optimism and entrepreneurship - what happens when it all goes wrong. As always, you can support the work of But Not All At Once on Patreon, where you'll find extra episodes, additional content, and more access to guests like Lacey.
74 minutes | Mar 25, 2021
Her Happiness Matters More than a Diagnosis
You're at a playground. Your most curious child toddles over to a girl in a wheelchair and asks an open-hearted question: why she can't walk? Do you dig a hole in the sandbox and hide? Shush him and scurry away? Join them both for a conversation and a little toy-sharing?Today's guest, Greenville mom and advocate Cat Stevens, hopes you'll do the latter. And while you're there, ask about all three of her children - two "typical" and one with differences both visible and unseen. You'll hear the joy in Cat's voice as she discusses 11-year-old Halle, the search for answers, and becoming the first person on Earth diagnosed with her genetic condition. She cautions us not to let the fear of saying the wrong thing push us to say, nothing. Kindness, curiosity and inclusion are always welcome.You can follow Halle's story on her CaringBridge page here. You'll hear us reference Meredith Bugenske's and April Robson's stories, which are featured in episodes 72 and 14/15, respectively. Find us at @butnotallatonce across social platforms and at the podcast's brand spanking new website!
64 minutes | Mar 18, 2021
Less Stress, More Peace: Intuitive Eating in a Pandemic and Beyond
Intuitive eating counselor Kate Morris, whose gentle wisdom we first heard last May in episode 56, is back for a much-needed discussion about parenting children (and re-parenting ourselves) to become healthy, happy eaters who trust themselves. We're drowning in messages about eating perfectly, feeding our children "well," and controlling our diet. But if our kids are 242% more likely to develop eating disorders than type 2 diabetes as teens, how do we teach them to respect, trust and fuel themselves? Kate's has been the voice in my head since last summer; I am delighted to lend her to you once again.We'll continue this discussion on body image, health at every size, and all things intuitive eating on Patreon, so be sure to send me your questions for Kate! You can subscribe, support our work, and listen in at patreon.com/butnotallatonce.To connect with Kate Morris, MSW, M.Div., visit intuitiveeating.org/certified-counselors/.
80 minutes | Mar 11, 2021
Oprah, Harry, Meghan & Media Madness
All right, friends. The Sussexes spilled it. Every last drop. Now what? Let's talk it out! Here's a rundown, a breakdown and a few follow-ups.This episode was released Monday evening on Patreon for subscriber to get an early listen. (I note this because even more headlines have emerged since that time. Just you wait; we'll chat about them too.)Look for a new pep talk later this week! Until then, you can support the podcast by joining Patreon.com/ButNotAllatOnce for extra episodes, guest access, video discussions, live hang-outs and more.Want to chat? Find me at email@example.com or @butnotallatonce on social media. Next week we'll have a new story to share; let's consider this one the Duchess of Sussex's - and her detractors'. Take care, y'all! xoxo
58 minutes | Mar 4, 2021
How to Talk to Women: A PSA
But Not All At Once started solely as an Instagram account, launched as a series of PSAs encouraging people to phase out the thoughtless, rude, invasive, dismissive and otherwise inappropriate phrases they use toward women.Today, we're going back to our roots by revisiting the issue. We cover what not say, what works instead, how to apologize (and what does NOT count when saying you're sorry), what communication will look like post-COVID and how to connect with others until then.Listen with an open mind, then come share your own do-not-says with us. In this episode we laugh, we grimace, and we accept feedback graciously (I hope I did, at least!). Join us!Love what you hear? Want to support the podcast? Find extra episodes, live hang-outs, weekly videos and more chances to connect at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.
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