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Breaking Bread Podcast
27 minutes | Jan 23, 2023
When Neurodiversity is Present in Marriage: ADHD
Marriages can find themselves in places of despair. Marriages often assume the problems are symptoms of waning affection. Yet what is actually present is neurodiversity. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer educates us on the impact ADHD can have on marriage relationships and the hope that can be breathed into a marriage when this is understood. Show Notes: What is neurodiversity? The neurodiverse brain is contrasted with the neurotypical brain. The neurodiverse brain thinks, responds to its environment and interacts with emotions outside of the normative operating neurotypical brain. This condition is diagnosed, for example, as autistic, dyslexic, or ADHD (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder). What is ADHD? ADHD stands for Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. This is a diagnosable disorder. An individual with ADHD has the ability to hyperfocus. Often, they can be exciting, fun, creative, in the moment and flexible. Those with ADHD can struggle to prioritize matters that need attention. They have a higher threshold for experiencing rewarding satisfaction and therefore require more stimulus. These attributes create symptoms of distractibility and impulsivity. How can ADHD impact marriage? When couples do not understand how ADHD is playing out in their marriage relationship, they run the risk of making the wrong meaning out of unfortunate interactions. Consider the examples below: Lack of follow through by ADHD spouse is wrongly interpreted as lack of care. Distracted ADHD spouse during conversation is wrongly interpreted as not valuing spouse. What proactive steps can the ADHD spouse make? Get a diagnosis from a professional. Become educated on ADHD. Treat the biology through diet, sleep, exercise and medicine. Learn coping skills. Build relational skills. What proactive steps can the non-ADHD spouse make? Become educated on ADHD. Grieve the unmet expectation of what marriage was “supposed” to be. Avoid reinforcing the negative unsuccessful interactions that historically has been used on your ADHD spouse. For example, nagging. Rebuild trust by measuring it differently. Instead of measuring “follow through” on requests, measure “follow through” of applying oneself to the treatment ADHD requires. What hope is there for marital health? Beautiful marriages are possible when neurodiverse and neurotypical spouses live wisely with one another.
20 minutes | Jan 9, 2023
Four Action Words for the New Year
The new year carries a sense of hope for needed change. In this episode of Breaking Bread, the clinical staff from ACCFS share four words to help inspire and guide the changes we need to make. These simple four verbs will be easy to remember and promise helpful practical action. Show Notes: Four simple action words that can motivate and guide positive change for our new year. Walk – Slowing down is necessary for us to live well. It puts us in a position to live mindfully. Cultivate – Fostering, encouraging, and nurturing growth. It puts us in a position where the next healthy step in progress is possible. Balance – Not all things equal, but all things in healthy proportion. It puts us in a position where we are investing in areas that matter most. Explore - Being curious and opening ourselves up to something new. It puts us in a position to grow our world and grow in our world.
15 minutes | Dec 26, 2022
God saves his people into families. A nurturing community where souls are cared for and loved. In this episode of Breaking Bread, ACCFS’s church outreach team shares the vision that propels the work they do. Show notes: Vision: By God’s grace, the Church Outreach division of ACCFS is committed to supporting the local church by providing resources and teaching that equips the local church to care for its members.
15 minutes | Nov 28, 2022
The Elderly Advantage: Seeing More
Jesus saw more. He saw what others missed in a setting. He saw what mattered in an interaction. He understood the reasons for a situation when others overlooked it. Jesus saw more. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann highlight critical purpose for the elderly among us. Help us like Jesus helped his disciples – help us see more. Show Notes: Help us see what others miss: Just as a passenger in a car can see more of the surroundings than the driver, we need the elderly in our communities to help us see what we often miss. Jesus helped his disciples see what most missed. He pointed out a poor widow casting in more money than the rich. Something they had all missed. Mark 12:41-44 Help us see what matters: Just as a skilled carpenter, doctor, teacher, parent and investor knows what matters in their craft, the elderly in our communities know what matters in life. They can help us see what matters. Jesus helped his disciples see what mattered. He devoted time to young children when they didn’t think it was time well spent. Matthew 19:13-15 Help us see why: We like to connect the dots between cause and effect. The elderly in our communities often have insights into these causal relationships. They can help us see why. Jesus helped his disciples understand why. He helped them understand the reason a man was born blind. It was not what they expected. John 9:1-4
45 minutes | Nov 14, 2022
Walking through the Grief of Suicide: A Testimony
“Grief can’t be avoided; it waits for you to walk through it.” June Knobloch said this. She and her husband understand grief deeply after suffering the loss of their son Jeff to suicide. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Del and June share their story of grief and how they walked through it. Resources: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline This Lifeline is for people experiencing a crisis and is available 24/7 in the United States. If you need help for yourself, a friend, or family member, call or text 988 right away. Lifeline Crisis Chat Coping with a Suicide [ACCFS] As you face life after a loved one’s suicide, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. This article provides resources to help support you with your lose. Preventing Suicide [ACCFS] Those on the front lines of engaging our youth- parents, teachers, employers, mentors and those with a heart for our youth can be proactive in working to be aware and possibly help prevent suicides. This article provides information to help those on the front lines to be there for individuals that are struggling.
27 minutes | Oct 31, 2022
The Benefits of Laughter
Laughter is relational, healing and necessary. In this episode of Breaking Bread ACCFS clinicians Ted Witzig Jr., Brian Sutter, Kathy Knochel and Kaleb Beyer enjoy a light moment together. But don’t underestimate the weighty benefits such moments bring to our mental health. Show notes: There are many matters that concern us: struggle, hurt, loss and sorrow abound. Yet, even among these, humor exists. Sometimes laughter springs from surprising places acting as a grace from our heavenly Father who no doubt loves to see his children laugh. What is laughter? Laughter is the physical response to the emotional and cognitive experience of humor, happiness and mirth. Laughter is to happiness as crying is to sadness. Laughter is a common expression of amusement shared by all humanity. What are the elements that give rise to laughter? Humor often plays on surprise. From peak-a-boo with an infant to clever twists in a “punch line”, the element of surprise startles and pleases. Humor often plays on a truth - truth exaggerated or told from a new vantage point often entertains and amuses. What are the benefits of laughing? Laughter grounds a person in the moment. Amusement happens in the present, opening a person’s senses to live in the now. Laughter is relational. Sharing amusement with others makes the experience better. Laughter draws people into its participation. People welcome laughter. Healthy humanity employs the spectrum of emotions. Just as sadness has its purpose and benefits, so does mirth. Laughter can increase our capacity to cope with the brokenness we experience in life. Laughter does not make light of sadness. Rather, it assists us in holding it. How can I learn to laugh? Learn to laugh at myself. Often, I take myself too seriously. Learn my place. I can over approximate my role and reach of effect. I need to remember that God is in control. Learn to live. God created me to enjoy his good creation.
28 minutes | Oct 17, 2022
Emotion is like fuel. The right amount, at the right time and for the right purpose, yields wonderful results. However, on a negative note, emotion is like fuel. That is why healthy people know how to regulate their emotions. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter coach us on how to do that. Show Notes: What is Emotional Regulation? People who have good command of their emotions use emotional regulation. In fact, emotions for these people are used in their life for the purpose God intended. Emotions are a gift from God. Why does Emotional Regulation work? God has made us wonderfully. Our emotions and our bodies are closely connected. In fact, emotion always happens in the body. Just as emotions affect the body, the body affects emotions. There are bodily techniques that can be learned to bring about a healthy emotional experience. What are some skills for regulating emotions? Deep breathing: Learning to breathe in a way that calms your nervous system. Mindfulness: Learning how to be present in a moment. Defusion: Learning how to detach from unwanted emotions. Acceptance: Learning how to make room for unwanted emotions. Where can I learn emotional regulation skills? ACCFS Course Emotional Regulation Skills Course - ACCFS (accounseling.org) What will be required for me to use regulation skills successfully? Practice
26 minutes | Oct 3, 2022
Disagreement in Marriage: When Spouses Don’t Share the Same Ideals
Disagreement in marriage is real. Anyone who is married understands the wisdom of being “equally yoked.” Fortunately, Christians are “equally yoked” on the basis of faith in Christ. Yet, there are many other ideals, values and dreams we might not be so “equally yoked.” In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer gives us a path forward for finding unity in the midst of the conflict this reality brings. Show notes: Background: Conflict around values and dreams are uniquely challenging because of the deep-seated nature of the held beliefs. Consider the examples below: Spouse A believes that family time should be protected and abundant. Spouse B believes that people should be community oriented. Spouse A believes that the house should be neat and orderly. Spouse B believes that the house should be “lived in” and not necessarily tidy. Spouse A believes money should be shared, spent and not hoarded. Spouse B believes money should be saved. Good biblical and wise argumentation can be given on either side of the issues. Conflict is fueled because of the emotion that resides with the deeply held ideals. Conflict Intervention: How couples can move through conflict. [Intervention based on Dr. John Gottman’s research] First: Is the couple in a place to have the disputing conversation? Evaluate how intense the held values are. Evaluate how long each value has been held. Evaluate the climate of the relationship. A “positive” climate needs to be present to have constructive conversation. Building a union of friendship, gratitude and closeness is important. Second: Personal preparation is required. The humility to understand that each affects the other at their point of deeply held values. Recognize that moving through the conflict is an important objective. As important or more, than the terms of resolution. Values are not changed quickly; patience will be required. Empathy and compassion will be necessary to hear your spouse. A commitment to shared purpose is necessary. We win together, not separately. A willingness to be influenced by spouse. Third: The disputing conversation occurs. Attempt to be soft and slow. Be amiable, not reactive; open not closed; flexible, not rigid. We think better when processes slow down. Use structure for the conversation: Assign roles-who is the speaker and who is the listener. Ask your spouse to tell you the story of their vision. Seek to understand. Monitor when escalation happens in yourself or your spouse. When escalation happens, you might need to take a break so soft and slow can return. Fourth: Once understanding of each other’s values has occurred, move into the circle of compromise. Each should consider what you can be flexible about in the disputable matter. Each should consider what they are inflexible about in the disputable matter. Attempt to make your “area” of flexible as large as possible and “area” of rigidity as small as possible. Share with one another your circle of compromise and determine a compromise. Live into the compromise for a time and continue to have dialogue.
24 minutes | Sep 19, 2022
Shepherding Our Child’s Image of God
Youth is a time of life when all manner of ideals are being formed in a person: reasoning skills, social skills, character qualities, work ethic, and academics. And yet, greater than these is the formation of the image our kids will have of God. Their God image is the sum total of their beliefs and feelings about who God is. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter speaks to the importance of shepherding this important formation in our children. Why God Image is important? It is the lens through which you view life. Where does God Image come from? Experience Teaching Shepherding God Image in our kids: Tap their imagination. Share testimony. Model it in relationship. Be patient with their questions. Point them to the Scripture. Helps: The Jesus Story Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones Children’s Authors: by Max Lucado The Ology by Marty Machowski Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis Tiny Theologians Catechisms
18 minutes | Sep 5, 2022
Living in the Ordinary (Part 2 of 2): Silence and Solitude
We live in a God-bathed world. He is everywhere and in everything. But too often, we are moving to quickly to see Him. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk coaches us on how to slow down so we can catch up with God. When we are restless with our ordinary lives, we are forgetting: Jesus took on flesh to show us that ordinary is okay. Posture is more important than performance. God is in the boring; the maturing Christian has eyes that see Him everywhere. Experiencing God is always done where we are - never anywhere else. We can be fulling pleasing to God living out the menial tasks that to us are ordinary. We catch up with God by slowing down and walking at Christ’s pace. We can be in two places at once: about our daily tasks and with God. Being human is not a problem. Jesus came to show us how to be fully human.
18 minutes | Aug 22, 2022
Living in the Ordinary (Part 1 of 2)
Folding laundry, mowing the lawn, cooking, cleaning, fixing and working. Life is pretty ordinary. God must be disappointed in my life. Or is He? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk helps us understand the beauty that is possible in the ordinary.
18 minutes | Aug 8, 2022
The Freedom of Commitment
Aren’t options great? So much to choose! Yet Kathy Knochel brings a surprising twist to the bliss of options. In this episode of Breaking Bread, she will help us see the shadow of options and the surprising value that comes by way of commitment. Commitment frees us in two ways. It frees us from and it frees us to. It frees us from options which frees us to focus. It frees us from distractions which frees us to invest. It frees us from paralysis which frees us to purpose.
18 minutes | Jul 25, 2022
Stewarding Our Attention
Attention is currency. It has purchasing power. No one needs to explain this to Facebook, Instagram and Snap Chat of course. But for those of us who spend our attention a little here and a little there, we may be surprised to discover attention is not just petty cash. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann connect the dots between what we pay attention to and who we become. Wonderfully, hope grows large. God intends to use our attention to grow us into the likeness of Christ. “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Cor 3:18
24 minutes | Jul 11, 2022
The Past’s Impact on the Present Marriage - Attachment
Marital distress happens. Pain will occur. And when it does, our attachment styles will kick into full gear. Soon we will be behaving according to a script that was written a long time ago. However, these powerful scripts can be rewritten. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what attachment styles are, how they are written, how they can be rewritten and the difference it makes in the marriage relationship. Four Attachment Styles: Secure Attachment – when distress occurs, pain shared in relationship and soothed through the relationship. This attachment style is healthy. The Past: Often a secure attachment is constructed when caretakers have not dismissed emotions from children nor have they catastrophized matters. Avoiding Attachment – when distress occurs, the avoider turns down its volume by moving away from relationship and does not seek soothing for the distress from spouse. This attachment style is unhealthy. The Past: When in distress, a child seeks soothing from caretaker but does not find it. The caretaker is not present, or is overwhelmed. The child learns independence and internalizes the struggle. Pleaser Attachment – when distress occurs, the pleaser turns up its volume and pursues the relationship in an anxious and hypervigilant way. Distress is only soothed when the spouse is pleased. This attachment style is unhealthy. The Past: When a child was in distress, it intensified distress in caretaker. Child learned that they were responsible for the pain in others. Vacillator/chaotic attachment – when distress occurs, responses are very unpredictable. Matters can be exaggerated or underappreciated. This attachment style is unhealthy. The Past: When distress occurred in childhood, confusion played out. Addiction or abuse may have been present. When distress in your relationship turns unhealthy, seek to do the following. Recognize what happens internally when you are distressed. Do you pursue? Avoid? Vacillate? Seek to make space for the distress you feel and slowing down the automatic script. Understand your spouse engages with distress according to an attachment style also. Seek to share with your spouse the automatic script that plays out when you are in distress and acknowledge how this can be unhelpful for your spouse. Express your desire to learn a new and nonreactive way to relate to your spouse that soothes distress through relationship. Accept that this process of rewriting scripts takes time. Resources: One easy and quick way to identify your attachment style is to take the following quiz – The Love Style Quiz. This quiz takes about 15 – 20 minutes to complete and is designed to help you discover your primary attachment style. How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage Authors: Milan & Kay Yerkovich This book seeks to show how early life experiences create an underlying blueprint that shapes your beliefs, behavior, and expectations in your marriage. The authors identify four styles or blueprints and provide principles to help you break free of negative patterns and enhance intimacy.
20 minutes | Jun 27, 2022
Dealing With Anger (Part 2 of 2)
I should know by now that yelling seldom works. Moreover, it most often works against me. Fortunately, we don’t have to be screamers. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter explains how an introspective person makes gains on his/her anger. Emotions respond to an impetus and fuel a response. While some emotions fuel a deactivation of our system, anger activates our system. The impetus’ that provoke anger and the response it fuels are often constructed from our past experience with the emotion. Gains can be made in controlling our anger. They will require slowing down and being introspective. Notice your triggers. What situations provoke anger in you? Examples: words or phrases, facial expressions, kids, spouse, authority Notice your body. What sensations occur before anger sets in? Examples: shortened breathing, heat flash Notice what is beneath the surface. Anger is a secondary emotion. It responds to deeper emotions. Examples: shame, hurt, insecurity, loss, etc. Notice what your anger is attaching itself to. Example: Do you think you are angry at your child when you are actually angry at yourself? Notice the degree to which you personalize comments and situations. Do you exaggerate negative feedback? Example: When challenged, do you leap to the erroneous conclusion that you are not liked? Notice the thoughts you think to yourself after the impetus and before your anger. Anger will play on these thoughts. Are they true? Example: When your child makes a poor choice, do you think “he will never turn out!” This erroneous thought will not properly inform your emotions.
17 minutes | Jun 13, 2022
Dealing with Anger (Part 1 of 2)
Solomon the wise said, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.” Those of us who have lost the battle of self-control know just how mighty “the slow to anger” are. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us understand the emotion of anger. He explains its purpose, how it works and how to live wisely in your own experience so that you might be slow to anger.
28 minutes | May 31, 2022
Introversion and the Church
The church is God’s family. To participate in church, is to participate in “together.” What if “together” is difficult for you? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kristen Schwind and Ron Messner give voice to the introvert in church. They highlight both the weaknesses and the strengths our personalities pose in how we experience the “together” aspect of church. Who is an introvert? A person who finds solitude as life-giving and human interaction as life-expending. Who is an extrovert? A person who finds human interaction as life-giving and solitude as life-expending. How can introversion in the church be challenging? Fellowship can be difficult. By being reserved, individuals can be misjudged as aloof or uncaring. By being reserved, individuals can be passed over for duties. By not being always present, individuals can be misjudged as uncommitted. How can we walk in an understanding way towards the introvert in church? Be a safe person to talk to. Use their gift of listening and employ them in discipleship opportunities. Learn from their ability to find life in solitude. Provide structure in social settings. Corporate worship, small group Bible studies, committee work and various church duties are excellent examples of this. What encouragement is there for the introvert? Be careful not to fall into isolation. Challenge yourself to step out and engage the community of the church. Make full use of the structured social events such as worship, teaching and more.
26 minutes | May 16, 2022
The Past’s Impact on the Present Marriage: Emotion
The communication process is hard enough with just words. Add emotion to the mix and sometimes we might as well be speaking a foreign language. This is because the present moment meaning we attribute to emotions has been constructed in the past. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer untangles the knot spousal communication can find itself in because we are not decoding the emotions in the room correctly. There are six basic emotions common to all people: happiness, sadness, surprise, shame, anger and fear. Each of these emotions has a lot of shades. For example, anger spans from irritation to rage with many experiences in between. The meaning we make out of emotions is not common among all people. For example, anger for one person means something different to another. The meaning we make out of emotions was constructed in past experiences. For example, how a person did or did not experience soothing when anger arose in their past largely formed up the meaning they attribute to anger today. In marriage relationships, emotional messages can get mixed and can set off an unhealthy cycle of communication. Each one “hearing” the incorrect meaning from the other. Emotions teach us about ourselves. Slowing down and noticing the cues that trigger emotions and the meaning we construct is very instructive. By understanding our emotional experience and that of our spouse, we can better interact in an understanding way.
15 minutes | May 2, 2022
Identity Formation: Who I am and Who I am not (Part 2 of 2)
Identify formation follows a simple path: Exploration to Commitment. Exploration must precede commitment. Commitment must precede a settled identity. Yet, taking the path is not necessarily easy. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. explains some of the finer points along the journey to belonging, purpose and worth.
14 minutes | Apr 18, 2022
Identity Formation: Who I am and Who I am not (Part 1 of 2)
Identity answers the question, who I am and who I am not. An answer that is multi-faceted -both objective and subjective. Sometimes obvious and other times obscure. And to make it trickier, it shifts over time. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr helps us understand the nature of identity formation and how we can better steward this area of our life. Show notes: Identity is: The sense of self - who I am and who I am not. Aspects that make up identity: Demographics: age, sex, address Relationships: child, father, mother, husband, wife Roles: job, family, volunteer Values: likes, dislikes, religion, beliefs, loyalties Experiences: health, hobbies, accomplishments, ownership Personalities: gifts, character traits, talents Events that unsettle identity: Development Loss Transition Role shifts Experiences Belief shifts Process for forming identity: From exploration: trying, investigating, experiencing, researching To commitment: being settled, resolved and grounded Troubles in forming identity: Moving to commitment without exploration. This person’s sense of self appears settled. But it is not their own. They have adopted another’s identity. Crisis in life will likely cause distress. Remaining in exploration and not moving to commitment. This person is restless, always searching without resolve. Not exploring and not committing. This person is unaware of their need for identity formation. Identity brings about: A sense of belonging, grounding, purpose, priority and worth. The most important identity: A Christ-centered identity, being a child of God, is the identity from which all other identities rest. This identity offers stability when all others may ebb and flow.
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