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The Brainjam Podcast
68 minutes | 4 years ago
EIGHTEEN – Jacob Aykroyd & The Elasticated Terror
Life is good for Jacob Aykroyd. Not only is he the only person in the history of his family to be promoted to gaffer, he is also the youngest. He can’t even walk down the streets of Halifax without being showered in pasties and birds. However his world is soon brought crashing down and he is thrust into a life of intrigue and imminent destruction where he must fight to save the British Empire from the evil Thaddeus Blunt. Hold onto your pants because the elasticated terror is upon us. Contains rude words and not rude words. Prepared in an environment where nuts are handled. The post EIGHTEEN – Jacob Aykroyd & The Elasticated Terror appeared first on Brainjam.
23 minutes | 4 years ago
Take off your clothes and pull up a beanbag. It’s time for a slightly shorter than usual episode of Brainjam. Have you ever thought about Jesus, home insurance, monkey gland treatment or fingers? You have! Why don’t you but a new hat? You’ll look lovely in a new hat, you will. The post SEVENTEEN appeared first on Brainjam.
33 minutes | 5 years ago
Gather close for I’ll tell ye a story of horror, intrigue and genital yearning. But first listen to the latest episode of The Brainjam Podcast. It’s good for what ails thee. The podcast was written and performed by Andrew Wilson, Lisa Goddard, Martin Wolfenden and Tom Stringfellow The Brainjam theme music was written by Aaron Cahill. The post SIXTEEN appeared first on Brainjam.
24 minutes | 6 years ago
Once upon a time, in a land ludicrously far away, dwelt a podcast that lived happily ever after. We’re a bit worried about it to be honest. Screw that podcast! Here’s a new episode of Brainjam; replete with old radio references, Eastenders confusion and somebody dropping a sea bum. The podcast was written and performed by Andrew Wilson, Lisa Goddard, Martin Wolfenden and Tom Stringfellow The Brainjam theme music was written by Aaron Cahill. www.brainjam.co.uk The post FIFTEEN appeared first on Brainjam.
28 minutes | 6 years ago
FOURTEEN – Sherlock Holmes and The Faberge Dildo
A valuable Faberge dildo has gone missing from the Countess of Morcar’s hotel room. Can Holmes and Watson discover who stole it and save an innocent man from prison in time for Christmas day? The post FOURTEEN – Sherlock Holmes and The Faberge Dildo appeared first on Brainjam.
31 minutes | 6 years ago
Clutch some children to your bosom and ride a giant glass around an enormous Ouija board. In this year’s Halloween special you can expect macabre tales, blood curdling screams and an earful of icy goolies. Do not listen if you are of a decaying disposition. The post THIRTEEN appeared first on Brainjam.
30 minutes | 7 years ago
Back in the 1950s children were made to eat books. Firstly as a cure for ink deficiency syndrome or ‘Fring’s Cramps’ and secondly to show them who was boss. We hope that you will enjoy this delicious sound book. The post TWELVE appeared first on Brainjam.
36 minutes | 7 years ago
‘My wife bought me a cheese and I liked it so much that I bought a chimney,’ thought Victor Kiam as he slipped from this world on the 27th May, 2001. What he thought after that is unknown. Religious people believe that he thought about floating in heaven like a pube in the breeze. Whereas atheists believe that he simply blinked out of existence and didn’t think much of anything. Either way, we believe that he would have enjoyed this month’s Brainjam podcast. He loved obscure references to long forgotten television and radio shows, that’s what he loved. He said so in a fictional letter I wrote from him to the Pope. He was very rude to the pope and told him in no uncertain terms that he hated him and would not be buying his priests holes. We hope that you enjoy this podcast and If you do, feel free to tell your friends or leave a nice comment on iTunes or Stitcher Radio. It all helps to make the many hours of writing, recording and editing worthwhile. Love you. The post ELEVEN appeared first on Brainjam.
36 minutes | 7 years ago
Welcome mortals to the April episode of Brainjam. Gird your loins for the most arduous half hour of sketch comedy that you will have ever heard. Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood. Disguise fair nature with hard favoured rage. Then lend the eye a terrible aspect; let it pry though the portages of the head like a brass canon; let the brow o’erwhelm it…sorry, Shakespeare’s ghost took control of my keyboard for a few second. Andy is putting him back in the spirit cupboard now, so we shouldn’t be hearing from him again. Though I’m impressed that he’s assimilated modern English so quickly. Still too many contractions for my liking, he is gay for the apostrophe. Oh this is going on too long. Enjoy the podcasts and tell your friend, about the podcast, that is. You can tell them about other things too, we don’t expect you to limit all future conversations with your friends to the Brainjam podcast, that would be crazy. Not that we are in any way mocking people with a mental illness. Some of my best friends…sorry I need to take this call. The post TEN appeared first on Brainjam.
33 minutes | 7 years ago
We’re mad as March hares! That’s right, we are furiously humping anything that moves, in a hedge. To celebrate the month that spring arrives and winter gets out of our cocking faces, we are having a clear-out of ‘GET OUT!’ sketches. All sketch writers know that ‘GET OUT!’ is an excellent substitute for a punchline as it is only 3 calories wide and keeps you aroused ’til lunch. Endure! The post NINE appeared first on Brainjam.
37 minutes | 7 years ago
While there is still a shine on the new year we present a new episode of Brainjam. It has all the things you should enjoy and all the things you shouldn’t. We hope that you will enjoy it. However if you don’t enjoy it, please tell a fiend. Enjoy it. The post EIGHT appeared first on Brainjam.
12 minutes | 7 years ago
At the end of every year, it is beholden upon every podcast producer to compile a package of bloopers to prove that they are good at editing. This is ours. All hail Martin! Tom edits his own sketches but has not provided us with any outtakes. Mainly because of all the racist language and BNP chanting. Therefore, it looks like Martin will be taking the golden mouse home to have sex with, all by himself. The post 2013 OUTTAKES appeared first on Brainjam.
49 minutes | 7 years ago
SEVEN – A Christmas Barrels
Tis the season to be jolly, tra la la la la la la la la lal lal la la dum dum. Go, grab a bottle of Ginzilade and settle down by your stimulated log fire, for an adaptation of Charles Dickens’ most famous story. No, not Oliver Twerp, Great Explosions or A Tale of Ten Charlies. Those are fun but in no way suitable for Christmas. Frankly, the beheading of Nancy Drew in A Tale of Ten Charlies is possibly the most sickening thing ever committed to paper, after the kicking to death of Nancy Drew in Great Explosions and the cutting in half of Nancy Drew with scissors in Oliver Twerp. He was a sick puppy that Dickens bloke. It is of course the timelessly dated A Christmas Barrels, which sees all your favourite characters set upon the thankless business of redeeming miserly old Ebenezer Scrooge. It is just like the 50th anniversary episode of Doctor Who but without Joanna Page’s eyebrows going up and down, up and down. Somebody get her some Botox! This podcast contains ghosts and condemned jokes. It should not be played whilst driving or shooting things off heads. The post SEVEN – A Christmas Barrels appeared first on Brainjam.
42 minutes | 7 years ago
Remember, remember. The fifthlings of November. Who could forget this season of wrecked cat anuses and lovely parkin? Certainly not us! Which is why this month’s sketches deal with conspiracy, fireworks, saints, the sequel to West Side Story and what actually happened in that cellar below the Palace of Westminster. Don’t say you haven’t been warmed. The post SIX appeared first on Brainjam.
58 minutes | 7 years ago
FIVE – Halloween Special
Is that a some goolies under your bed? What’s that noise downstairs? Why are your sheets made of human skin? Let me out! I only came to lick the gas meter! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Hello listener…well, technically you’re a reader…unless somebody is reading this to you…in which case you are a listener. It’s the Brainjam Halloween special, so prepare to have your pants frightened off and the willies put right up you. You can send photographs of yourself pantless and full of willies to: Brainjam, The Stabbings, Skeleton Road, Horror St. Peter, HO567 098ARGH The post FIVE – Halloween Special appeared first on Brainjam.
42 minutes | 7 years ago
It’s September and what with the nights drawing in and lard going up by thruppence a ton, we’ve become even more silly than usual. Did I tell you that I have a really big haemorrhoid hanging out of my eye? Apparently I’m a medical first, because they usually come out of elbows. Also, we lost August’s podcast because of the nice weather. The post FOUR appeared first on Brainjam.
43 minutes | 7 years ago
When mankind first discovered fire, it sent a postcard to its mother. Now we’ve discovered fire but our Mums are out, so we’ve made his podcast instead. It’s mostly about ghosts, birds and ranting. Which makes it rather like the 1978 The Sweeney Halloween special. Can you spare me a cup of bums? The post THREE appeared first on Brainjam.
45 minutes | 8 years ago
Percy Bysshe Shelley once wrote “My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!” Nerrr! My name is Shelly and I can’t pronounce ‘Ramesses II’ properly. What an arsehole! Really, just really. Anyway, we’re back with another Brainjam podcast; which is pretty obvious when you think about it and I probably would’ve saved myself a lot of time by not typing that bit. That’s life for you though, tcha! The post TWO appeared first on Brainjam.
41 minutes | 8 years ago
Make yourself a big cup of tease, slide into your pyjama-car and switch off the fax machine, because this is ‘you’ time. If you’ve never had ‘you’ time before then it’s probably because you were somebody else. This is a new podcast from the fools who brought you The Gentleman’s Review, but this podcast is different, obviously. Lick here for information smells. The post ONE appeared first on Brainjam.
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