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Today we share a wide-ranging conversation with Parker Palmer. From acts of rebellion to the hidden wholeness of the world to the integration of the inner and outer life, as well as teaching and leadership, this conversation is rich in wisdom and hope. We have followed Parker Palmer’s work for literally decades, and are both thrilled and honored to have him on our podcast. This opportunity to get a chance to meet him and reflect with him on the condition of the world right now was a real gift. We are grateful for his work and will continue beating the drum of joining "soul and role" in discovering our hidden wholeness in this corner of the world. Check out The Center for Courage and Renewal or just a few of Parker Palmer's books here: The Center for Courage and Renewal Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life Time Stamps: 3:32--Shelley shares with Parker how his work mentored her when she went through a dark time 6:13--Parker begins his story as to how he started on his academic career, but felt like it wasn't enough 11:35--Shelley asks Parker about the idea of the unfolding of calling 20:20--Walking in the woods is a contemplative exercise 24:39--The idea that it's an act of rebellion to try to show up in the world as a whole person 30:00--The idea that for perspective, the world really does go on without us 35:57--Parker's truer calling was in writing and sharing his ideas rather than activism and what he felt he "ought" to do 39:03--Failure hurts, so it's not easy to separate ourselves from it 46:20--The other thread that runs through this is that you have maintain your inner life 51:29--What's the smallest thing we can do today to move us in our purpose 56:02--Life on the Mobius Strip Leave us a review and subscribe on Apple iTunes. Subscribe on Spotify. Find us at the Big Self Community on Facebook.

This work largely comes from Chad's recently released book, Shock Point: The Enneagram in Burnout and Stress. We invite you to check it out anywhere books are sold through the global online marketplace. We’re covering this information as a part of the Big Self Podcast for three reasons: (1) Towards the larger goal of increasing self-awareness. If you are able to assimilate this information in your head as knowledge, it’s going to be more possible for you to incorporate your dispositions into your working knowledge of your Self-Observation practices, which will lead to your Self-Inquiry, which will lead to integrated changes in your transformed personality, through Self-Development. (2) It’s good to know about others in order to be able to communicate most effectively, understanding their dispositions especially to stress and interpersonal relationships. (3) Finally, it gives us all compassion for ourselves and each other, which is one of the most important principles to recognize when beginning this work. Be gentle with yourself. Time Stamps: 5:44--Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Eights 10:38--Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Nines 15:16--Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Ones 20:25--Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Twos 25:25--Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Threes 31:14--Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Fours 35:39--Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Fives 40:31--Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Sixes 46:25--Psychological Roots and Key Patterns that Create Stress for Sevens Click here to order a copy of Shock Point: The Enneagram in Burnout and Stress. Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

While there are nine distinctive ways that personalities show up in the world, there are also by contrast, very similar ways that all people look when their ego isn't in charge. With steady practice in Self-Observation, Self-Inquiry, and Self-Development, you will see a healthier response to your day-to-day responses. These are the six ways a healthy ego looks like in relationships. Time Stamps: 5:56--Three stages of observation learning 12:32--The six ways beginning with #1 16:22--The second way a healthy ego looks 17:49--The third way a healthy ego looks 22:51--The fourth way a healthy ego looks 26:21--The fifth way a healthy ego looks 29:33--The six and final way a healthy ego looks Click here to order a copy of Shock Point: The Enneagram in Burnout and Stress. Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

Traumatic events happen to the best of us. Some are more ordinary than others, like car accidents or losing a job, and others are bigger. Whether big T or little t, traumas are crisis’ that happen to all of us, it’s not some rare thing. Resilience is about using the crisis or the suffering to grow and launch yourself into a whole new beginning. Beyond just recovering from setbacks, resilience helps us navigate all life challenges, and end up the better for them. Resilience is a mindset that enables us to seek out new experiences and view life as a work in progress. Here’s a simple framework to think about the work that goes into building resilience: Pain + reflection = progress. Pain is going to happen. But pain itself doesn’t equal progress. And that’s really what we mean when we talk about bouncing forward. It helps us move from mere surviving to thriving. Today we get to our how. How do you develop resilience and use these essential skills?  Time Stamps: 3:15: The challenges we face in life are not meant to be some sort of punishment. But an invitation to change. 6:57: 83% of people think they're resilient (but only just over half really are) 13:06: Researchers have shown that resilience is basically optimism, self mastery, control, flexible thinking, and the ability to cope with stress when they're when they're doing their research. 15:11: The Grateful Living practice 24:32: The Lovingkindness Meditation practice 33:53: Quality Relationships Show Notes: Bouncing Forward: The Art and Science of Cultivating Resilience by Michaela Haas The Power of Resilience by Brooks and Goldstein The Good Life by Robert Waldinger Click here to order a copy of Shock Point: The Enneagram in Burnout and Stress. Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

Each Enneagram personality type have their own superpowers--their ways and means of functioning in the world--that gets them through life, helps them to survive. But these very unconscious characteristics can also create their own versions of stress. They are patterns that we usually don't even fully understand. We also don't know how to break free of them and to make them more conscious, observable, and understandable. Today, we dive deep into what Fives, Sixes, and Sevens (the head types) do to survive and manage their way through life. We also look at the ways these patterns not only handle stress but also create their own stress. For each type, we also give you coaching tips and tools on how to specifically address these issues in your efforts to create a more sustainable relationship with stress, and with all of your relationships (including your relationship with yourself). Time Stamps: 2:03--Why you should listen to all the types regardless of your type, and how you are "not" your type 6:05--Fives: The Walls that Hold You Inside 26:00-Sixes: Trusting Without Testing 42:15--Sevens: A Little of This, A Little of That (a Lot) Check out our holiday offer: 20% off our Typing Package. Find out more at bigselfschool.com/enneagram-typing-package or schedule a call to discuss more. Click here to pre-order a discounted ebook copy of Shock Point: The Enneagram in Burnout and Stress. Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

Each Enneagram personality type have their own superpowers--their ways and means of functioning in the world--that gets them through life, helps them to survive. But these very unconscious characteristics can also create their own versions of stress. They are patterns that we usually don't even fully understand. We also don't know how to break free of them and to make them more conscious, observable, and understandable. Today, we dive deep into what Twos, Threes, and Fours (the heart types) do to survive and manage their way through life. We also look at the ways these patterns not only handle stress but also create their own stress. For each type, we also give you coaching tips and tools on how to specifically address these issues in your efforts to create a more sustainable relationship with stress, and with all of your relationships (including your relationship with yourself). Time Stamps: 3:32--The heart types and the central core operating emotion 4:30--Twos: Deflating the Pride Balloon 23:24--Threes: Who You Are When You're Not Succeeding 34:18--Fours: Endless Comparing and Introjecting Check out our holiday offer: 20% off our Typing Package. Find out more at bigselfschool.com/enneagram-typing-package or schedule a call to discuss more. Click here to pre-order a discounted ebook copy of Shock Point: The Enneagram in Burnout and Stress. Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

Each Enneagram personality type have their own superpowers--their ways and means of functioning in the world--that gets them through life, helps them to survive. But these very unconscious characteristics can also create their own versions of stress. They are patterns that we usually don't even fully understand. We also don't know how to break free of them and to make them more conscious, observable, and understandable. Today, we dive deep into what Eights, Nines, and Ones (the body types) do to survive and manage their way through life. We also look at the ways these patterns not only handle stress but also create their own stress. For each type, we also give you coaching tips and tools on how to specifically address these issues in your efforts to create a more sustainable relationship with stress, and with all of your relationships (including your relationship with yourself). Time Stamps: 2:45--Why we're doing this series, and starting with the body types, and "why" the Enneagram 15:30--Beginning with Eights: Too Much and Not Enough 26:50--Common stressors for Eights 34:50--Nines: Waking Up to What You Want 46:52--Common stressors for Nines 51:35--Ones: Good Enough Perfection 53:00--When stress comes for Ones Check out our holiday offer: 20% off our Typing Package. Find out more at bigselfschool.com/enneagram-typing-package or schedule a call to discuss more. Click here to pre-order a discounted ebook copy of Shock Point: The Enneagram in Burnout and Stress. Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

For many of us, the inner voice is generally loving and encouraging, maybe not enthusiastic, but in your corner, calmly evaluating. In fact, a good internal dialog should function more like a reasonable judge. Or like Lester Bangs tells his young protege William Miller in Almost Famous: “I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful.” In other words, sometimes you need a good truth-telling even if it’s not what you want to hear. With that said, there is a reason we universally struggle with self-talk. Struggle implies conflict. And conflict with the self is what we call inner conflict. But the problem is twofold. Not only is it hard to do something about the way our inner critic talks to us, but a great deal of the time we’re not even aware we’re doing it. Why?  Because it’s our default state. We’re used to the way we talk to ourselves. We’d almost never talk to our friends or family the way we sometimes may talk to ourselves. So why do we do it? Because our Inner Critic is fueled by the simultaneous belief that we are better than others and that we are less than others; both feelings are energized by harshness and contempt. Feeling that we’re not enough–especially at work—is painful. the consequences of not being aware of or tuning into what our Inner Critic is telling us can hurt us and hold us back in many of the most important areas of our lives. Time Stamps: 4:39--The inflating and deflating of the Inner Critic 7:15--The story of the two wolves inside us all 11:11--Anne Lamott quote of being militantly on your own side 14:42--Walking through a little thought exercise 18:52--Shelley names her Inner Critic and gives it a persona 25:38--There is a balancing we have to do, not just expect to completely get rid of the Inner Critic 32:22--Take on the persona of the Inner Teacher 34:27--The simple ABCDE framework Show Notes and Links: Brendon Burchard says that successful people use positive self-talk frequently. Pete Walker suggests memorizing your list of positive attributes and repeating them to yourself whenever you have an Inner Critic attack. Positive self-talk is part of the emotional healing process. Studies show that people who practice “self-compassion” are happier, more optimistic and less anxious and depressed. Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

Everybody procrastinates, but not everyone is a procrastinator. And contrary to popular belief, procrastinating has little to do with laziness. It’s far more complicated than simply being a matter of time management. Chronic procrastination doesn’t discriminate based on gender, race or age; we’re all susceptible. So, to provide a brief definition. Procrastination is the voluntary, unnecessary delay of an important task, despite knowing you’ll be worse off for doing so. And then here’s why it can actually be a pretty serious issue for a lot of people. Procrastination slows your goals and dreams way down. It can create stress and feelings of frustration. It can make time management useless. This often appears at work with day-to-day projects and tasks.  Fortunately, it’s possible to learn how to overcome procrastination once we know why people procrastinate. Research has done a lot to help us understand procrastination psychology and why we continuously engage in this annoying behavior. We are going to take a look at the top reasons here, but first, let’s talk a little about our emotions and active vs. passive procrastination. Which type of procrastinator are you? Time Stamps: 4:20--The positive procrastinator 5:20--The other two types are passive procrastinators 12:43--Getting to the four big reasons we all procrastinate 20:00--Being "good enough" 30:47--SAW FIRE is the name of our framework for overcoming procrastinating Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

The futurist Alvin Toffler famously said, “The illiterate of the future are not those who can’t read or write but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”  In their book Language and the Pursuit of Leadership Excellence, Chalmers Brothers and Vinay Kumar describe sixteen “enemies of learning.” They adopted them as first described by Julio Olalla, the noted coach, writer and teacher, and founder of The Newfield Network. These enemies include attitudes, assessments, and mindsets that, when firmly rooted, make learning or growth difficult. The traditional message that virtually everyone has been bombarded with since we were conscious enough to watch TV, listen to the radio or read advertisements, regardless of the field is that you the consumer are reinforced with the idea that if you have, you will do, and then be. HAVING leads to DOING leads to BEING. LEARNING = DOING (the thing even while you’re not good at it) LEARNING = Time + Practice (we get better by doing it again and again, cause and effect) You can also ratchet up the intensity and systematize it to the next level and add to your practice a rigor.  All of which is to say learning about something is not the same as learning to DO One of the more interesting things about the current difficult economic environment has been watching how different business leaders have reacted to it. Those who have done the best to secure their companies’ interests, protect their market positions, and retain their best people, have in my experience been those who immediately went into learning mode.  Whether they look at the changes as an opportunity to learn new strategies for success, or simply to learn how to survive in the new environment, they have opened themselves and their organizations to learning. In doing so, they have discovered new possibilities for themselves and their companies.  Time Stamps: 2:16--The illiterate of the future are not those who can't read or write. But those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. 4:22--Advertising is based on one thing 11:31--Principle number one 12:37--Deliberate practice 15:59--Where are you being led in your life to be experiencing learning outside your comfort zone? 16:46--Number one, our inability to admit that we don't know. 20:09--The antidote 21:54--Number two, confusing information with real knowing. 23:31--The antidote 24:13--A lack of priority for learning (never have time) 25:50--The antidote 26:22--Lack of trust 30:00--The antidote 32:07--Ignoring the emotional dimension of learning 35:00--Ignoring the body as a dimension of learning 39:00--The final enemy of learning on today's list, constantly having big opinions and assessments Show Notes and Links: Language and the Pursuit of Leadership Excellence by Chalmers Brothers and Vinay Kumar The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk Follow up with us and check out our

The idea of this episode came out of a recent media sensation from a study done in Florida, and it showed some gentle shifts in the personalities of the 7,000 people it studied.  The headlines are all over the place. (Links provided in our show notes and links.) On today’s episode we break down the latest findings, if they even matter for our understanding of personality, and why we want you to get a little clearer on what all this chatter is about when it comes to our personalities. First of all, let's define our terms: What do we mean by personality? What does the media mean? And also, besides the media attention and the fact that we do work on understanding our personalities, how is this a relevant topic for the Big Self Podcast?  Time Stamps: 2:41--Why is this topic relevant? 5:52--The importance of social skills as researched for the past 100 years 10:10--We need help in understanding ourselves 14:45--The idea of falling asleep to ourselves 21:15--Why researchers narrow it down to five criteria only 21:50--The Five mainstays of personality research 27:07--At higher levels of awareness people start to look alike? Show notes and links: https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/28/health/personality-change-covid-wellness/index.html https://www.themarginalian.org/2012/03/02/character-personality/?fbclid=IwAR32i3sOmxn5Nylttzrs0qAfxjyRzBJpxYYQILGkCs1NID7-4o3wvQl455Y https://www.livescience.com/personality-age-change.html https://psychcentral.com/health/personality-development#personality-disorders https://www.apa.org/pubs/highlights/podcasts/episode-30 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/people-unexplained/202202/will-your-personality-change-in-the-next-6-years The Benefits of Not Being a Jerk to Yourself (Dan Harris Ted Talk) Subscribe on Spotify Subscribe on Apple iTunes Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

We have put “play” as one of our Big Self pillars from the very beginning, but I don’t think we’ve done a single episode on it. We do talk about creativity and gratitude. But that’s not quite the same thing. For one thing, it’s hard to really define what we even mean by play. In fact it’s so elusive to really define for adults, even after I had decided we definitely need to do an episode on play, I started wondering if this is really something our audience needs or wants. We’re talking about serious stuff on this podcast, stuff that is going to help people in their pain, in their crisis’. And then we realized, that experience is the very process we undergo for YEARS as we transition into adulthood. Important for us or not, play can feel silly, certainly unproductive, and time consuming.  And that’s precisely the point. On today’s episode we are going to do the impossible: we are going to seriously persuade you to PLAY. This better be fun. Time Stamps: 3:04--Let me ask you a question about play 6:28--Great questions, but how are defining play? 10:59--There's a lot of variability in the definition of play 13:12--There are "four different styles of play" 21:30--In which Shelley geeks out on the parasympathetic nervous system 29:24--Quote by Jean Piaget 33:32--3 suggestions for play Show Notes and Links: American Journal of Play Play by Stuart Brown, MD Well Played: The Ultimate Guide to Awakening Your Family’s Playful Spirit by Meredith Sinclair National Institute for Play A list of research on play Stuart Brown’s TED talk on play Scott Eberle’s blog “Play in Mind” Play definition Study: “A new structural model for the study of adult playfulness: Assessment and exploration of an understudied individual differences variable” Study: The Playful Advantage: How Playfulness Enhances Coping with Stress Study: The well-being of playful adults: Adult playfulness, subjective well-being, physical well-being, and the pursuit of enjoyable activities Subscribe on Apple iTunes

"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor."  –Thoreau Some of us are dabblers, some of us are obsessives, and some of us are hackers. Which one are you? They’re basically just different approaches many people take to learning. The dabbler loves when things are new. Just loves the shiny new object and everything about starting something. The obsessive is focused on getting results as fast as possible. The hacker gets good enough at something and is fine where she or he is. Don’t really like any of the options? Is there a better way? We probably all can recognize ourselves in a combination of these learning styles. And yes there is a problem with them all: we never get on the road to mastery with them. They aren’t the stuff of lifelong learning.  Let's get on the path of a master.  Certainly when we are patient and stick with our learning day in and day out, we are definitely more on the path. But with all of that said, many of us begin to experience change and then we hit the plateau. That long period of time where we’re sticking with it, pushing hard, staying strong…and nothing happens. Or we begin to experience change and then we run into resistance. AND we might begin to think this shiny new object or all this efforting isn’t worth it and we criticize ourselves for even trying. We even begin to use language which reveals our negative thinking and the stories we tell ourselves, and we think we’re “just being real” and give up. How part of what’s going on when we regress or retract is about the body's response to stress. Change? Homeostasis is first to be understood. Then, you can be prepared to meet it and learn the long path toward deep mastery. Time Stamps: 3:18--Changing anything can be difficult 5:14--The link between change and stress is novelty 9:13--Homeostasis defined 15:38--Top five ideas for how you can achieve sustainable change 16:43--Number one may be the most important, understanding how it works 19:39--As you adapt the resistance gets easier to deal with 26:05--When you're negotiating with your resistance 27:55--You can do it alone, but a support system is recommended 30:22--Follow a regular practice 32:52--Dedicate yourself to lifelong learning 34:49--Shelley's "Why" Show Notes: Steven Pressfield on anything having to do with Resistance Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment by George Leonard Homo Ludens: A Study of the Play Element in Culture  by Johan Huizinga After the Ecstasy, the Laundry by Jack Kornfield Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

To say our culture prizes the “outer” (whether it’s outer work or the apparent “outer reality”) is an understatement. And by contrast, you hear a lot of leaders and coaches and people who have learned through trial and tribulation that you have to do the “inner work” first.  But what is inner work, and how is it different from what we do at work every day? Many people already have commendable achievements in the ‘outer work’ aspect of their life. By this, I mean growing in their careers, managing a business, or having meaningful relationships. But ‘outer work’ is a small part of who we are as people.  As a society, we’re fixated on outer work. We count the number of followers we have on social media or use the money in our life or the degrees that we have ALL as representative of who we are.  These elements have little to do with our inner worlds. In fact, we may not even know what our inner world looks like at all. Maybe it’s barren and empty. Maybe it’s cluttered and full of infinite distractions.  So, for all the power and depth and breadth of the inner work, why do we tend to avoid it? Why does it not seem to have a seat at the table in many corporations and organizations? We share our definitions of what "inner work" means, and discuss the dimensions it entails for our cognition, the language that we use, our emotions, and our bodies. Time Stamps: 1:46--What we're discussing today 3:32--We tend to overemphasize the results (the outer) 6:55--Messy to try and come up with how you measure inner work, but one way is to measure it by the way it leads to outer results 11:20--Three inner work definitions. Which one is the best? You decide. 12:38--Chad's personal experience and definition with what he calls spiritual 13:44--Shelley's similar experiences 18:18--The incredible insights that listening to your language brings 22:50--What's that about? a good operating question 26:10--Emotional and mental work are similar 30:55--The body center 33:46--The body is the portal Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

When I first started thinking about how powerful sadness is an entry point–as a huge territory–for growth, I immediately was like, “this would never make a podcast.” I can see it now: People clicking on the headline wanting to learn more about how they too can be sad. Doesn’t have quite the marketing hook of “how to be happier by thinking positively.” But in a way, that’s just the point. Sadness is the very inversion of happiness. We’ve been inundated by “happiness” and the power of positive thinking for at least 70 years, and I feel like last decade in the 2010s we saw a real resurgence of it (whatever that was about, it seems like it was related to the explosion of neuroscience research).  And for some happiness researchers, like Jennifer Moss, who we had on the podcast last season, she began to turn her attention to asking questions about “what is keeping us from this elusive happiness” and she began looking into the burnout culture and the toxicity in the workplace.  Plenty of stress happens there! And really all kinds of emotions, right?  But the point I’m trying to make here is that as I began to explore this space, I began to see a HUGE territory for us to explore with sadness.  The kind of sadness we’re talking about today is not about grief or depression. Those are different territories. No matter what, of course, you don’t want to get stuck anywhere. We are not talking about “staying” in sadness. We ARE talking about letting it in. That’s right. We are talking about the places in your life, whatever your personality structure may be, where sadness is knocking. Time Stamps: 2:30--Sadness isn't something that we need to manufacture 4:21--What is your relationship to sadness? Shelley asks Chad 10:55--What other happiness studies showed (and how it's not so simple) 13:07--The Wheel of Emotions 18:55--Do you think of sadness as a negative emotion? Chad asks Shelley 24:16--Sadness is an important emotion that helps everyone in numerous ways 27:14--Sadness plus shame equals depression 31:03--Shame has this tendency to keep us stuck 38:20--Sadness connects to awareness in general 42:00--Typically emotions last for 15 to 30 seconds (unless you feed it a story) 44:30--We would love to hear how this lands this episode lands for people Show Notes and Links: Greater Good on Four Ways Sadness May be Good for You Psychology Today on Why Its Good to Feel Sad Harper Bazaar on Why Its Good for You to Be Sad Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

Habits will make or break us. Habits will deliver results one way or the other. Our focus doesn’t just come from getting out our calendars and setting proper weekly and daily goals. It doesn’t emerge from understanding the 80/20 rule. It comes from the application of principles that elude us because they come from within. What comes from within is less measurable, and often less clear at first. For that matter, it’s scary going within. There are reasons we’ve pushed things into our unconscious. The key here is the application. Because our habits are the actions we repeat again and again and again, they reveal our character. You find it in all the ancient greats. Ask Seneca. Consult Marcus Aurelius. Reason through, in this case, Aristotle’s ethics. You could say you can know who you are through your habits because habits also reveal another aspect of ourselves, they reveal our values. On this week's episode, Chad connects the inner to the outer when it comes to living out your values. What is the Habit Paradox? How do you turn your thoughts and values into sustained action? Time Stamps: 0:31--The idea of applying practical wisdom, to form enduring change 3:22--Contrary to popular belief, willpower is in the body AND mind, but requires energy and isn't enough alone to form a habit 6:30--Our habits and what they reveal 10:31--The way the habit paradox develops 16:28--Why do you know what to do but don't do it? 21:13--Why Aristotle would have called you practically wise if you are able to live out what you value 23:11--Unpacking Aristotle's statement about how the person who has mastered their emotions will ever go back or slip into Akrashia 27:09--Naming the "When" 29:43--Finally answering the "Why" Show Notes and Links: Aristotle's Ethics The Science of Willpower Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

Today’s episode is focused on visualization and specifically we put on our critical thinking hats and consider how it plays into the Law of Attraction. This law can be easily misunderstood. So, we are going to explore what it really means, how it can be harnessed and why it truly is powerful when applied with discipline, and also what it is NOT.  What we focus on, we attract. The Law Of Attraction goes way beyond just 'visualizing' or 'vision boarding' our dreams. What we're ultimately doing is feeling and tuning into our vision of how we want things to be. We discuss not only how you conduct visualization, but also how you must do so with discipline, the same way anyone trains any other part of their body. This episode is chock full of fascinating nuggets about the brain, supported by science and evidence-based research, AND with specific takeaways that you can take with you wherever you happen to be listening. Time Stamps: 1:10--The law of attraction, what it is and how it's had some twisted iterations over the years 7:13--The question for our audience today 8:50--When Shelley first started getting intentional about visualizing in 2010 14:09--One of the enemies of learning: daring to dream 17:17--Setting the intention 25:19--Matthew Ricard, the molecular biologist who became a Buddhist monk 28:43--How you've got to train your brain 32:36--Visualization connects to RAS (Reticular Activating System) 37:40--Not like magic, it takes energizing your life in a certain direction 45:30--Start with small things and then go to big Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here. Subscribe on Spotify

If you’re like a lot of people, you don’t really care about the health effects of drinking, and frankly you probably don’t care to know. But the fact is that most of us have been drinking more than we want to for a long time.  And a lot of the time when we do this it also fills us with guilt, maybe even shame. Or to bring this full circle, maybe you really don’t think about it and don’t want to think about it.  But if you’re honest, really honest, like we chose to get honest with ourselves finally–you probably don’t feel entirely in control of your ability to choose whether or not you actually drink.  We are not here to evangelize. But we are here to share a couple of things. First, as coaches, we fully recognize that we have to be doing the very work that we are coaching others in. If we are helping others free themselves from mindless habits and envisioning the life they want, we have to have done the work ourselves. Perhaps even more importantly for you, we want you to see–to have the insight or recognition–that you are in control of you. You can shift your thinking and experience transformation unlike what you ever thought might be possible.  It doesn’t matter what your friends will say or think. It doesn’t matter what your spouse will say or think. It does matter what you believe and what you think. And this topic, like any other, is about beliefs, both conscious and unconscious. It is about the power of these beliefs and how they shape our thinking, and therefore our actions.  The aim of this episode is NOT to offer you tips. Tips are a dime a dozen whether they’re good ones or bad. What is more difficult to come by are workable ways to apply tips, to replace one behavior pattern with another. When you learn how to change a habit, it is usually not too hard to decide which ones to change.  Let’s dive in! Time Stamps: 2:30--Maybe you're just a little curious about evaluating your relationship to alcohol. 6:14--We want you to have the recognition that you have the control over your thinking and what you want to do, and this is about shifting your thinking, not tips. 9:50--How alcohol dependency became like a slow burn, just this habit that formed over time. 15:24--When the shift happened for Shelley early on this year. 21:40--How you can self-assess where you are right now and thinking of the desire behind the habit, or is it the habit behind the desire? 24:01--Chad tells his story of his relationship with alcohol. 29:10--Chad's approach is a little different than Shelley's. 29:48--Quote by Dostoevsky about habits in the second half of life. 32:15--How the habit may start first. 37:31--If you want to start taking it to the next level and other ideas. 40:20--The final takeaway. Show note links for further inquiry: This Naked Mind New genetic study confirms that alcohol is a direct cause of cancer A ‘factory reset’ for the brain cures anxiety, drinking behavior What sudden insights look like inside the brain Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

Shelley shares her story of burning out and what she's done with it five years on. Chad asks questions based on what he's hearing and thinking about from her story. Shelley discusses how she began to take radical responsibility for herself and her "self" alone and how this led to the tipping point of recovery. We learn about how Social Twos have their own special sauce when it comes to control, and how pride takes hold of the ego. Time Stamps: 1:09--How the story has evolved 3:40--Back in 2014, I started a venture backed technology company 8:05--How Shelley refused to admit defeat for months even after the team was gone 10:20--Working 80-hour weeks 13:54--On control and the need for humility 24:06--How Shelley had to get out of the frying pan 27:00--After stabilizing, the next step is analyzing 28:37--The final step is visualizing 34:04--"We're either broken open, or we willfully shed." 35:05--Why Shelley can be grateful for her burnout now (five years later) 39:46--Expectations lead to a lot of our unhappiness 44:41--When the system doesn't work (and we don't work in the system) 49:00--The idea of radical responsibility and how it led to a turning point 53:06--Shelley's final reflection question We're so glad to have you here for our second episode of Season 4! Subscribe on Spotify

We've got a few questions on the subject of failure. Do you really learn from failure? What does it mean to actually fail at something? How big or how small does the failure have to be? Do you really learn more when you have a losing season instead of a winning one? Where did the “fail fast” mentality come from, and does it mean the same thing today?  Everyone’s paths are different, but many of us start out with early indications about what we should be for the rest of our lives. We begin to believe that the only way for the arch of lives to be considered a success is to make sure those first mountain life decisions turn out to be the fulfillment of those early dreams. What happens when those plans don’t turn out the way you thought they would? What does it mean to fail at something that seems so big?  The truth is everyone fails. Everyone experiences setbacks both personal and professional. It IS of course what you do with the failure. But the truth is also that failure is a lot more complicated than the “fail fast” mantra would have you believe. First of all, failure sucks. Failure is messy. Of the four noble truths of Buddhism, the first is that life IS suffering. And the second noble truth? That the avoidance of suffering causes more suffering. We avoid failure in the same way we avoid suffering.  So what happens when you identify, accept, and even embrace failure? And what are the failure(s) you truly do want to avoid? We figure it all out on Chad's big failure story on this week's first edition of Season 4 of the Big Self Podcast! Time Stamps: 3:19--How David Brooks' The Second Mountain has a lot do with what we're talking about 6:33--The second mountain is when you you shed the ego enough to break open 8:32--What does it actually mean to fail at something because none of us want to fail? 11:37--Even about the age of 10, I was always interested in being a writer 13:30--Your first mountain. So you just turned 50 crossed the threshold. 19:39--What do you now see that you've learned from the failure? 20:25--Congratulations on the failure 24:51--Failure Lesson #1 27:16--Failure Lesson #2 31:05--Failure Lesson #3 31:56--Failure Lesson #4 35:57--Failure Lesson #5 38:47--Failure Lesson #6 41:27--Failure Lesson #7 43:30--Failure Lesson #8 Show Notes: The Second Mountain by David Brooks Falling Upwards by Richard Rohr Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life by James Hollis My Losing Season by Patrick Conroy Ego Is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Life and Love from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed Born a Crime: Stories From a South African Childhood by Noah Baumbach Live Your Truth by Kamal Ravikant Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously by Osho Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman Subscribe on Spotify