14 minutes | Jul 8th 2020

#97 - Quick Tips #14: For Clarity, Check It Out!

Last week’s episode was a marathon, so I'm going to balance it out this week with a quick tips episode. This one was inspired by a listener’s question that came from a miscommunication around something I said about children having the right to choose their friends. The miscommunication brings up a broader point about checking things out, which I want to explore as a relational tool.

 

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #97:

  • Young children do not get to decide who their friends are. When I said in a prior episode that children decide who their friends are, I was referring to children as they get into their teen years, as well adult children. As parents, it’s our responsibility to protect and hold boundaries for our young children.
  • When we hear someone say something, or even hear secondhand about something someone said, we often believe that is what they actually said, when often that is not the case. 
  • When you hear something that causes a large internal negative reaction, check it out with the other person. This means saying, “This is what I heard you say. Did I hear you right? Did you really mean it that way?”
  • This method of checking out what someone said is also another option for how to respond to bait.

 

Highlights from Episode #97:

  • Vicki welcomes listeners to today’s episode, and shares the question from a listener that inspired it. [00:39]
  • Young children don’t get to decide who their friends are, Vicki clarifies. [02:51]
  • We hear about the bigger issue of checking things out. [06:46]
  • Vicki shares a recent personal example of a case where she had the opportunity to check out something she was told. [09:29]
  • Checking out something that you’ve heard is a quick relational tool and can be a helpful response when you’re feeling baited. [11:53]

 

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