16 minutes | Dec 9th 2020

#116 - Unique Snowflakes & Boundaries

People tend to see their situations as special or unique, when in reality, that’s not the case most of the time. But we often get tripped up around exceptionalism when it comes to our boundaries. There are two common “unique snowflake” traps that we all fall into, and I’ll dig into both of them today. Remember that even though your situation may feel exceptional, the principles of the boundary work involved are the same.

 

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #116:

  • The “unique snowflake trap” is the belief that there’s something unique about your situation that makes your boundary challenge or question unique or different from the standard principles.
  • A common example of this is believing that boundaries are different with different people. In fact, boundaries with family members work exactly the same way as they do with other people. You still get to decide how you want to respond.
  • Another common example sounds something like, “You just don’t understand. This person is different.” While this may feel true, the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier still works for this situation.

 

Highlights from Episode #116:

  • Vicki welcomes listeners to Episode 116, which will be about snowflakes and boundaries. We start off by learning about the history of the term “snowflake.” [00:39]
  • We hear about the “unique snowflake trap,” which is one of the common things that trips people up around creating boundaries. [03:43]
  • Vicki discusses whether boundaries are different depending on the role that different people have in your life. [05:02]
  • You can decide that it’s okay with you if someone has a right to your body, but no one else gets to decide that for you. This illustrates Vicki’s point around family boundaries. [08:32]
  • The second “unique snowflake” dynamic that Vicki talks about is some variation on “you just don’t understand; this person is different/an exception.” [09:49]
  • Vicki digs into how the “unique snowflake” trap relates to the belief that getting someone else to change is the way to be happier or get our needs met. [13:56]

 

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