27 minutes | Nov 11th 2020

#112 - "She Has a Spell on Him." What Should I Do?

Have you ever disliked the spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, or date of someone you’re close to? Or wondered what your friend or relative sees in that person? Most of us have been there, struggling to understand how someone we care about can fall for (or even seem bewitched by) someone who we find deeply off-putting. Tune in to learn some important questions to ask yourself when you’re in this situation.

 

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #112:

  • It’s not uncommon to hear someone say that another person's partner (often a man’s wife or girlfriend) “made him” or “wouldn’t let him” do something. This is a distortion, and disempowering to the person you’re talking about. Almost always, they’re freely choosing to do whatever they're doing.
  • If you think someone is being uncharacteristically submissive in a relationship, ask yourself whose business that is. Some people don’t mind—or even really like—to be submissive in a relationship.
  • When your friend or loved one is involved with someone truly dangerous or toxic, it’s appropriate to express your concern and support. You can try this script: “I love you, I’m really concerned about you, I want the best for you, and I want to maintain a connection with you. Is there anything I can do to support you?”

 

Highlights from Episode #112:

  • Welcome back to the show! Vicki shares the listener question that inspired this episode. [00:39]
  • Vicki talks more about the implications of being “submissive,” and some questions to ask yourself if you see someone as being submissive in a relationship. [07:00]
  • Are you being respectful of someone you care about if you’re not respectful of their choices? And how will that help you maintain connection? [11:04]
  • Vicki shares one last question on this topic: “Is the way that I’m showing up in this situation truly loving?” [13:53]
  • We hear about the exception, when someone is truly toxic. [16:36]
  • Vicki offers listeners a script to use or adapt if someone you care about is involved with someone toxic or dangerous. [21:31]
  • Vicki recaps the points that she’s covered today, including [24:30]

 

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