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Our final episode. We appreciate all of you very much, and want to thank you for listening and sharing your questions and situations with us. Don’t forget that you can find us elsewhere: Gregory’s actual play podcast Tabletop Garden. Future Proof Games, our indie game studio and the Future Proof Podcast. We make games that inspire audacious compassion in players.A few other projects. You can find Melissa on Mastodon at irrsinn.life/@melissa. Gregory is over at mastodon.social/@gregoryaveryweir.

Another short episode this month, and our final scheduled episode until we receive a prompt. We focus mostly on some media that’s been inspiring us: Patrick Rothfuss’s Kingkiller Chronicle and the crushing feeling of looooong-running projects. Hbomberguy‘s massive Twitch stream of Donkey Kong 64 in support of the Mermaids charity. Famous folks like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Chelsea Manning showed up to show their support. We also talked about our recent projects: Gregory’s podcast Tabletop Garden, which is now fully in its second campaign, called “Ego Driver.” Our Future Proof Podcast episodes of December and January, where we conduct some strategic business meetings. Some stuff is cut, but we think it provides a bit of insight into how we work. If you’d like to see a normal episode, send us a prompt! Let us know about an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to stay empathetic or compassionate to: us@avery-weir.net

No full episode this month, but we give an update on how we’re doing and plug our other work: Melissa’s publishing a trip diary of their Christmas trip to Nuremberg!Gregory has been working on revamping and improving their Patreon.Gregory has a new podcast called Tabletop Garden, where you can listen to short roleplaying campaigns with interesting characters crafted with a focus on intentional, healthy play practices.Very soon we’ll be releasing a special episode of the Future Proof Podcast where you can listen in on a strategy meeting as we figure out where we want to take the company.Gregory is working on a new episode of Ludus Novus, their podcast about the art of interaction. If you’d like to see a normal episode next month, provide us with a prompt! Send us an everyday situation where it’s difficult for you to stay empathetic or compassionate to: us@avery-weir.net

We talk about how to persuade people to be compassionate. This is a combined October/November episode, with a transcription coming soon! Our prompt came from a friend of the show: So yeah, like, I play a lot of video games, like you do, and I consider myself open-minded and respectful of other people while playing. I play with a lot of friends who sometimes use certain language that might offend someone of another ethnicity or gender. I try my best to let them know that this kind of behavior is not nice and might scare off anybody else (women/transgender/another race) away from playing video games.  How can I deal with situations like this? Gregory discussed Unsong, an online book about morality, Kabbalah, and what happens after the world ends. Melissa discussed Naughty No More: Change Unwanted Behaviors Through Positive Reinforcement, a book about training cats. (Other cat behavior management book suggestions are welcome!) If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s difficult for you to stay empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

We talk about demonstrating active compassion in the face of systemic injustice. Our prompt came from a friend of the show and was paraphrased from a verbal conversation: I really like your show, but I have a hard time figuring out how to apply your ideas. I work in an industry where I see active misogyny all the time, but even being a small business owner, I don’t feel like I have any power to help the people around me. If I refuse to work with a supplier or bank because they treat women like shit, they won’t even notice. I’m not doing well enough to hire more than a temp employee, and I put my own livelihood at risk if I call people out. How do I keep from feeling powerless and how do I act compassionately instead of just feeling angry about what I see? As resources for battling altruism fatigue, we recommend Kelsey Piper, who blogs at theunitofcaring.tumblr.com and is newly a staff writer for Vox; and DeRay McKesson, a civil rights organizer, activist, and writer. Melissa discussed friend of the show Lucy Arnold. Gregory discussed LeftTube, including ContraPoints, Philosophy Tube, Shaun, HBomberGuy, Lindsay Ellis, and Folding Ideas. ContraPoints’s recent video, “Incels,” is embedded below. If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s difficult for you to stay empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

We talk about being compassionate toward a group of anonymous people that you perceive as immorally complacent. Content warnings for this episode: mention of the October 1, 2017 mass shooting in Las Vegas. We also talk about The Norwood Suite by Cosmo D; Fallen London by Failbetter Games; and Melissa’s Fallen London fiction, “The Bazaar Correspondent“. If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s difficult for you to stay empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

We discuss recognizing when people are making assumptions about the role family should have in your life and how to deal with that. Content warnings for this episode: discussions of depression, family problems, and self-harm. We also talk about #loveindies week, which we participated in, and He, She and It by Marge Piercy. Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

No episode this month! We didn’t receive a listener prompt, and we’ve decided not to make a habit of coming up with topics just for the sake of making an episode. If you have a question or topic surrounding everyday compassion, write us@avery-weir.net. Share the podcast with a friend, and let us know if you have a recommendation for communities that would want to know about our show!

We discuss bikeshedding, which is when people discussing solutions for a large, complex problem bog themselves down in minutia. In this episode, we examine a situation in which a discussion about redesigning healthcare in the United States becomes hyper-focused on one aspect of American health and lifestyle. Content warnings for this episode: discussions of anti-fat sentiment, transphobia, and a brief mention of suicide. We also talk about the Stardew Valley, NHL, the Russian Machine Never Breaks podcast, A Unit of Caring, the HTC Vive, and Beat Saber: There’s a special request for ideas related to travel at the very end of the episode. Please hit us up on social media or in the comments. New this month will be an episode transcription! We’re cleaning up what an automated service provided, but it’ll be up soon. The transcription is attached to the episode! We welcome any reports of issues or suggestions for improvement. If this solution seems sound, we’ll be using a transcription service going forward and will work on getting transcriptions up for older episodes. Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

We discuss proxy arguments, where people are having a disagreement in place of a wider ideological argument. In this episode, we look at the current state of the Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange. Why are people getting suspended left and right? Why does IPS seem to have more problems than other similar sites? What can they do to heal? We also talk about James Comey’s A Higher Loyalty and the new revival of Queer Eye. For more information on the Spoon Theory, visit Christine Miserandino’s post introducing the concept. Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

How can you accept your feelings and still make intentional choices when you’re in an unpleasant situation? Our prompt comes from a listener: Dear Y’all, Help me not hate my puppy. My teenage son called me in a panic recently because our puppy had bitten him on the finger. It turned out that it was a bit of an overreaction, as it was a scratch (the puppy is only four pounds). But I still find myself really disliking the dog. I know he’s a dog and a puppy. But in addition to biting my son, he also barks, which jars my nerves. I don’t like that I have all of these negative feelings about a baby animal who really can’t help these behaviors. But here we are. Halp. Anxious in Puppyland We also talk about Stardew Valley by Eric Barone and Giant Days by John Allison, Lissa Treiman, and Max Sarin. Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

How do you show compassion when a tragedy happens to someone you don’t know well? Our prompt comes from a listener: How to express compassion when someone you know, but not that well, is going through something rough. The instigating situation is the husband of one of my coworkers passed away, and some of my other coworkers seem to be at a loss as to what to do. How much to say, what to say, etc. If you don’t know someone very closely, but you do like and care about them, how do you help them? We also talk about The Worriers and Dying Light. Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

How do you understand and handle your own rash emotional reactions in everyday situations? Our prompt comes from Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange user Yvette Colomb (original and abridged version ccbysa3.0): I’ve always had a short fuse. I’ve been quick to rise and lose my temper, but on the flip side I’m quick to get over it when others lose their cool. The problem is that others usually are not, especially if they are on the receiving end of it. Having a short temper and saying things in anger is the number one cause of the relationship difficulties in my life, and it’s caused more problems and heart ache than I could possibly set out to achieve if I was consciously trying to do so. Most importantly, it can happen with family or close friends, when somehow a discussion leads to someone making an insult towards me (which I don’t tolerate well) and from there it can escalate. There are definitely certain topics that will frequently lead to these types of escalations, as well as when I don’t want to discuss something and the person persists. It can also happen when the other person argues with me – about who I am or my motive for saying or doing something – and their opinion is negative. I have great difficulty expressing my irritation without it escalating between the other person and myself to a point I do not manage well emotionally. What can I do to help circumvent or prevent my anger building to a point I lose my temper and say things I regret? What skills can I use to exit the discussion gracefully to find space to calm? We also talk about Sunless Sea and “The Discipline of DE” by Gus Van Sant and William S. Burroughs. Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

How do you manage your own and others’ grudges and longstanding grievances? Our prompt comes from Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange user Tinkeringbell (original and abridged version ccbysa3.0): About 8 years ago, we had some serious get-a-lawyer trouble with a couple of neighbors. I was in university at the time, and I have a general knowledge of what happened, but my parents never spoke about their interactions with the neighbors. Since then, I’ve had some interactions with one of our neighbors, and she seems genuinely apologetic about the whole thing. I’m not the easiest person to win over, but I really think she’s sorry for what happened and wants to apologize. I’ve seen her make several attempts to try and speak to my mom, but my mom always avoids her or gets ‘rescued’ by dad. Yesterday, we received a Christmas card from her. My mom was so mad she didn’t even read it. I did, and it was a really nice card. It stated something along the lines of ‘I really like to apologise and I want to start anew, just like the new year does’. Then, there was a invitation for the entire neighborhood to come and have the traditional New-Years eve drinks in her home. Needless to say, when I told my mom what was actually in the card, she got really, really mad, to the point of shouting at me that I was being naive and manipulated. I’m guessing our neighbor did something that’s even worse than the things I know about, but when I asked mom about it yesterday she wouldn’t tell me. I’d really like to know why she called me out for being naive and manipulated, and understand her anger. How can I have a talk about the reasons for her anger with my mom, when only mentioning the subject pisses her off this much? I’d really like to find out what it is that happened that is so inexcusable she doesn’t want to talk about it or find it in her heart to forgive, even after years. We also talk about Dishonored 2 and Reddit. Please share any comments and marketing ideas you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

How do people in a community choose to be disruptive or considerate? (more…)

How do you deal with someone who makes assumptions about people based on hasty categorization? (more…)

How do you understand requests for attention and help others understand your boundaries? (more…)

We’ve had a year of Audacious Compassion episodes! Let’s review some of the recurring themes in our chats! (more…)

How can you be compassionate (and act compassionately) toward someone with hateful views? (more…)

How do you communicate in a group of friends with conventions that grate on your nerves? (more…)