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Hello Alonement listeners! So, a quick announcement to share that I've just launched a new project called The Shoulds. The Shoulds is an online Substack publication and community space that explores the hidden rules and stories that shape our lives. In many ways, this newsletter will be just like this podcast covering a lots of similar topics around psychology, authentic living, and relationships. But also it will be a space for us to have two-way conversations and get to know each other a little bit better. I would love to see as many of you possible over there at Substack. To follow, just type francescaspecter.substack.com into your web browser and enter your email address to receive updates directly to your inbox. You can also follow me on Twitter and on Instagram – @ChezSpecter. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This clip is taken from my guest interview with former Blue Peter presenter Konnie Huq, first released in August 2020. Konnie speaks about the sustaining power of having 'anchors' – close friends and family whom you know are at the end of the phone – and how this prevents loneliness, even when you are alone. Twitter: @ChezSpecter @Konnie_Huq Instagram: @chezspecter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Season 7 finale! How did that happen?! We are, however, going out with a bang... This week, I have the pleasure of chatting to friendship expert & psychologist Dr Marisa G. Franco, whose new book Platonic: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends combines two of the most zeitgeist-y lifestyle topics of the moment: attachment theory and the value of friendship. After interviewing Marisa, I was actually invited to provide the cover endorsement (!) for the UK edition, which I couldn’t have been more honoured to do. Here’s what I said about it: ‘Relationships take work. We’ve always accepted that romantically – but, curiously, rarely do we apply the same adage to friendship. Marisa G. Franco’s Platonic is the book that changes that. It not only champions the essentiality of friendship for a happy life and gives a generous reflection of the author’s own experience, it also gives you the toolkit for deepening existing friendships and making new ones. This is all done through the fascinating lens of attachment theory, once again something you may have applied to your romantic relationships but likely never before to your friendships. This is a timely, unique guide to approaching friendship, often the profoundest source of connection in your life, with the love (and self-reflection) it deserves.’   In this episode, recorded just before the book release, we discuss:   What ‘attachment theory’ actually means, in – as Dr Marisa G Franco put it – ‘a rather big nutshell’ How secure friendships underpin your ability to feel ‘safe’ when in your own company The value of showing vulnerability in your friendships The challenges we face when making (and keeping) friends in adulthood Practical advice to nurture healthy friendships    You can order Dr Marisa G. Franco’s book, Platonic: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends, now on Bookshop.org   You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.   Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.   Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter @DrMarisaGFranco * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @drmarisagfranco * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this clip, we hear from psychologist and Instagram sensation Dr Emma Hepburn – with one of my favourite pieces of wisdom from our original recording, released in April 2021. Emma Hepburn’s book, A Toolkit For Modern Life, discussed in this episode, is available to order now. * My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone & Absolutely Own It, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers. Instagram: @chezspecter @thepsychologymum Twitter: @ChezSpecter @@EmmaNeuropsych Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week my interviewee is radio and TV presenter Nihal Arthanayake. While I’ll be asking the questions today, Nihal is most used to playing the other role, having interviewed countless household names, including Minnie Driver, Ricky Gervais & Benedict Cumberbatch on his regular BBC 5 Live show. He’s recently written a book, Let’s Talk: How To Have Better Conversations - based on what he’s learnt through his job, which we’ll be discussing as part of this episode.  We discuss, among other things:   How the David Lloyd became Nihal's creative haven when he was writing his book Nihal's love of long, solitary drives The value of taking time to do nothing 'Quiet quitting' How male loneliness comes around – and why we need to talk more about it The complicated business of male friendships   You can order Nihal's latest book, Let's Talk: How to Have Better Conversations, now from Bookshop.org.    You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.   Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.   Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter @TherealNihal * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @therealnihal * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Another week, another bitesize mini-episode from Alonement archives. This conversation with journalist and author Daisy Buchanan comes from the first season of Alonement, recorded in person at my flat in November 2019. Before pivoting towards writing books, Daisy worked as an agony aunt for Grazia magazine, answering reader questions around everything from work to relationships. We discuss the philosophy underlying all of her advice: that, actually, her role was to empower people to recognise their own capacity for self-knowledge, and to, in the least woo-woo way possible, realise that they had the answers within them. As ever, Daisy is kind, soothing and wise in this clip - I hope you enjoy listening. Twitter: @ChezSpecter @NotRollerGirl   Instagram: @ChezSpecter @alonementofficial @thedaisybee   Get in touch: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week I have the absolute pleasure of speaking to one of my favourite authors, Holly Bourne. After beginning her novel-writing career in the young adult genre, Holly has released three brilliant titles for adults over the past few years, which are full of wise reflections on relationships, navigating social pressure and recovering from trauma. She’s influenced, in part, by the five years she spent working as an online agony aunt for a youth charity, specialising in relationships and mental health, and her present role as the youth ambassador for Women’s Aid. Her honest, empathetic writing has made me, and so many other that I know, feel less alone – saying that, I can’t wait to see what she has to say about alone time, and what it means to her. We discuss, among other things:   Why her heroines' 'happy endings' always involve them finding a greater degree of love for themselves How Holly learnt to enjoy taking herself out for dinner How female friendship can offer a 'safe space' away from the male gaze The challenge of adjusting to a new relationship after being happily-single for a period You can order Holly's latest book, Girlfriends, now on Bookshop.org. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.   Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.   Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter @hollybourne_YA * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @hollybourneya * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Erling Kagge, one of the greatest living polar explorers – and the first in history to reach the 'three poles' – is the guest that we hear from in this week’s mini episode, taken from our longer conversation released in February 2022. Speaking to me from his home in Norway, Erling shares touchingly in this clip how the time he spent living in London in early adulthood was more lonely than the period he spent 50 days and 50 nights alone traversing the South Pole. Our conversation is a reflection on what it truly means to experience alonement; to be lonely; and everything in between. Twitter: * @ChezSpecter * Instagram: * @ChezSpecter * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this week’s episode, I interview poet, BBC radio presenter and author Salma El-Wardany. Salma’s debut novel, These Impossible Things, has been a breakout international hit. It’s a novel about three British Muslim women whose close friendship falls apart one devastating night, and covers the themes of platonic bonds, identity and growing up.    We discuss, among other things:   Salma’s experience of heartbreak and rediscovering herself afterwards How to maintain independence in a romantic relationship The tension behind growing up in a community-based religion like Islam, and learning to advocate for one’s alone time How Salma’s mother inspired her love of alonement   You can order Salma El-Wardany’'s debut novel, These Impossible Things, now from Bookshop.org.    You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.   Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.   Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter @writtenbysalma * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @salmaelwardany * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Journalist and novelist Sophia Money-Coutts is the star of this week’s mini-episode, first released in a longer form in August 2020. In this clip, we discuss a really important, timely topic of egg-freezing – undoubtedly one of the most important advances in fertility medicine like, ever. Sophia is wonderfully honest about her decision to freeze her eggs in her thirties, and discusses the ups and downs of going through the process as a single woman. You can order Sophia Money-Coutts' latest novel, Did You Miss Me, now at Bookshop.org.   You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter @sophiamcoutts * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @sophiamcoutts * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever wondered about the relationship between sleep and ‘alone time’? That’s the topic of this week’s episode with Dr Kat Lederle, a sleep scientist and chronobiologist (read: ‘body clock scientist’). I don’t know about you, but as someone who occasionally sits up for hours in the early morning with insomnia, I’d never considered how a lack of ‘me-time’ in the day might turn into a sleepless night… this conversation truly opened my eyes, and gave a fresh view on why quality alone time is just so important, not only for our waking hours but for our sleeping ones too.  We discuss, among other things:   How a lack of ‘me-time’ can lead to sleeplessness and insomnia Why the best bedtime routines actually begin in the day Whether or not it’s a good idea to journal before bedtime The value of taking ‘mini-breaks’ throughout the day   You can learn more about Dr Kat Lederle and the Somnia sleep clinic on the Somnia.org.uk website.   You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.   Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.   Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter @DrKatSleep * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @drkatsleep * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Talk about an alonement icon – radio DJ & broadcaster Vick Hope is a woman who radiates everything this podcast is about, as a sunny, ambitious, beautiful soul with an infectious passion for life, or as she puts it 'a gratitude for being alive'. This episode was recorded in September 2020, and in the full episode Vick talks about living alone, being single and building a relationship with herself after a one-time fear of time by herself. While no longer single (Vick is rumoured to be engaged to Calvin Harris), this is a universal message of what it means to celebrate your aloneness as a unique individual – regardless of your life stage stage or romantic relationship status. Listening back to this gives me chills, and I hope it resonates with you in a similar way. Another reason this one is close to my heart: the full-length of this episode was recently nominated for an award at the Skylark International Women's Podcast Awards, ceremony to come – the award is appropriately titled 'Moment of Insight From a Role Model'. Twitter: @ChezSpecter @vicknhope Instagram: @ChezSpecter @vickhope Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As political protests go, a four-year vow of celibacy is on the extreme side. And that’s what this week’s guest, British-American film director & writer Emma Forrest, decided to do following her divorce from actor Ben Mendelsohn, a period of her life which coincided with Donald Trump serving as the 45th US President from 2017 to 2021. ‘Looking at him makes me not want to have sex,’ Emma reasoned – devoting herself to single parenting, finding joy in solitude, relocating from sunny LA to not-so-sunny London  – and writing a memoir, Busy Being Free: A Lifelong Romantic Is Seduced By Solitude, about all of the above.     In this episode, we discuss:   How, as a single parent, Emma has instilled an appreciation for healthy solitude in her daughter What it takes to have a ‘good divorce’ How celibacy helped cure Emma of her ‘addiction’ to romance Why Emma’s ultimate sexual fantasy begins with a day of uninterrupted writing The joy of leaving a bad movie mid-way through   You can order Emma Forrest’s book, Busy Being Free: A Lifelong Romantic is Seduced by Solitude, now on Bookshop.org   You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.   Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.   Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter @girlinterrupter * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @addiepray * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mo Gawdat, bestselling author, podcaster & former chief business officer of Google X, is the star of this week's minisode, taken from our conversation first recorded in September 2021. In this clip from the archives, Mo shares his unique advice for learning to be alone comfortably with our thoughts, ie the gold standard of alonement. With a background in engineering, Mo is one of the most original thinkers I've ever met – and I hope you can be inspired by this cherry-picked snippet of wisdom from our episode together. Mo Gawdat's latest book, That Little Voice In Your Head, is available to buy now. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Social links: Twitter: * @ChezSpecter * @MGawdat Instagram: @alonementofficial * @ChezSpecter * @mo_gawdat * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s guest is Phoebe Fox, aka Marial from The Great, who acts alongside Elle Fanning and Nicholas Hoult in Hulu’s deliciously irreverent ‘anti-historical’ comedy-drama. I interviewed Phoebe, a RADA-trained actor who's been nominated both an Olivier and a SAG, earlier this year for GLAMOUR magazine, and I enjoyed our conversation so much that I begged her to come on the podcast so we could continue it.    We discuss, among other things:   The ‘grounding’ that helps Phoebe step out of her character after a long day of performing How Phoebe and her fellow actor husband Kyle Soller have navigated living away from each other during long filming schedules Why it’s important to define your own idea of success Phoebe’s discovery of meditation during lockdown   You can watch The Great now on Channel 4.    You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.   Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.   Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @phoebemercedes * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this week's mini-episode, I'm revisiting my conversation with Dr Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist turned bestselling author known better by her Instagram handle, Dr Julie, or simply as that therapist off TikTok. In this clip, we take a deep dive into what it means to journal well. Of course, we see a lot on Instagram about journalling, but as inspiring as that can sometimes be, I wanted to go deeper than picture-perfect stationery. Dr Julie, in this ten-minute clip, goes to the core of what journalling does to our brain – and how it serves as a unique tool to help us process emotions, through helping us put names to our emotions and through reducing rumination. She also offers alternative to journalling for those who, whatever reason, don't get on well with it. You can order Dr Julie Smith's book, Why Has No One Told Me This Before?, now from Amazon and Waterstones. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter: * @ChezSpecter @Dr_Julie_Smith * Instagram: * @ChezSpecter @drjulie * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Described by close friend Bear Grylls as ‘stronger than 99% of the men I know’, Megan Hine is a survival expert and TV presenter who works on and off camera to make some of the most extreme adventure shows on television happen. She also holds a degree in psychology – just another string to her already-very-loaded bow. I managed to catch Megan during one of the rare occasions she wasn’t on location for her day job, wrestling tigers, escaping tribal warfare or climbing a mountain (I’m not even exaggerating…). During this podcast interview, she chats to me via Zoom from her home in Wales – with the gorgeous sound of birdsong and clucking chickens.   We discuss, among other things:   Megan’s incredible, self-designed career as a survival expert – and how it began with her taking solo mountain expeditions at the tender age of nine Being a ‘survivalist’ – and how we can apply those skills to our everyday lives Why taking a ‘pause’ is an essential survival skill  What happened when Megan experienced burn-out What ‘going bushy’ means – and how it applies to lockdown   You can learn more about Megan Hine on her website, Meganhine.com.    You can order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.   Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.   Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter @meg_hine * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @megan_hine * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As Florence Given tops the fiction bestseller charts with her debut novel, Girlcrush, I decided now would be a brilliant time to revisit this episode – first released in July 2020, after the release of her non-fiction book, Women Don't Owe You Pretty. In this clip, the writer, illustrator & podcast host shares how she learnt a crucial lesson about alone time at the age of 14, when she was 'ousted' from her school clique. If you'd like to learn more about Florence, her books are available on Amazon, while you can also listen to her hugely successful podcast, Exactly. With Florence Given on all good podcast platforms. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Twitter: @ChezSpecter * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @florencegiven * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I’m delighted to welcome Sunday Times bestselling author Owen O’Kane on to the show this week. Previously an NHS Clinical Lead for mental health, Owen is now a psychotherapist and bestselling author. His books have all sorts of intriguing names, like Ten Times Happier and Ten To Zen. But when I saw the title of his latest book, How To Be Your Own Therapist, my ears pricked up. This is a podcast about alone time and how to make it better – and given that therapy is something which many of us consider valuable, but remains expensive and inaccessible to many, I thought that self-therapy, as Owen describes it, sounds like a brilliant use of your alone time. In this episode, he reveals some of the practical wisdom he shares in his latest book – plus, a little more about his own background, and what led him on the his career path, plus how he likes to spend his alone time.   We discuss, among other things:   How to stop living on autopilot and tune into the emotions driving your behaviour Owen’s practical, daily tips to administer ‘self-therapy’ Owen shares the biggest indication, for him, that he needs some time alone We discover Owen’s background, and what led him to pursue this career How alone time helps therapists recover from the emotional toll of their job   You can order Owen O Kane's latest book, How To Be Your Own Therapist, now from Bookshop.org.    You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.   Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.   Twitter: *   @ChezSpecter @Owenokaneten * Instagram:  * @ChezSpecter @Owenokaneten * Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to ‘Me Time’, Alonement’s new, weekly series of 10-minute mini episodes from the archives. We’ll be showcasing the very best wisdom from some of our favourite former guests, in bitesize episodes designed for those smaller pockets of Alonement that you get throughout your day.           I'm kicking off with a slice of Alonement history: an excerpt from the episode with philosopher, author & School of Life founder Alain de Botton, originally recorded in November 2019. It was actually the first ever episode I recorded of this podcast, and one of the few I got to record in person ahead of the pandemic – at Alain’s office in north London. This recording happened at a time where I was still shaping my own understanding of alonement, and why it matters. Alain was challenging, in a way that proved invaluable. There’s no instant magic in taking time alone, he argued. Long periods of time alone won’t lead to self-knowledge, just like that. Essentially, we need to think about what we’re doing in that alone time, and make sure we’re spending that time in a conscious way - in order to make it ALONEMENT. In this clip, he takes us through a practical exercise we can do when we’re alone: an exercise that involves asking ourselves hard questions about our relationships, our career, and our friends – in order to work out who we are, and what we want; to tune into our intuition, rather than let our major life decisions be dictated by external influences.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.