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The ADHD Smarter Parenting's Podcast
23 minutes | 2 days ago
Ep #135: Recognizing our parenting weaknesses
Recognizing our parenting weaknesses can be challenging. It is never easy to admit that how we are parenting may not be working. All parents struggle at times when it comes to parenting. We all come with our own baggage when it comes to parenting. Struggling as a parent does not make you a failure. If you are struggling, it just means that something needs to change. Lasting change requires work and often doesn’t happen overnight. This can be especially true when trying to implement a new behavior skill with our children. We may not see a behavior skill working right away and assume that the skills don’t work. They work! Because each child and each family is different, it may take longer for it to click with a child or for a family to develop the consistency they need to create change. Parents that stick with learning new behavior skills will eventually see incredible, long-lasting outcomes. Parents who are diligent in using the skills of the Teaching-Family Model report increased family harmony, stronger relationships, improved communications, increased confidence, and a belief that they have prepared their child to be a good human being that contributes to society. If you are struggling with your parenting, let us help. We want your family to thrive. With Parenting Coaching, we can help you come up with a tailored plan that will work for your family. Don't wait to improve your family. Sign up today. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
33 minutes | 9 days ago
Ep #134: Preventing parenting burnout
Are you feeling burnt-out as a parent? Is that burnout affecting your relationship with your family? Parental burnout is more common today than previously due to many factors that previous generations didn't have to deal with. Parenting has changed and raising kids isn't always easy. All parents struggle at some point with feeling overwhelmed, dealing with communication or behavior struggles. When we feel burnt-out as a parent, it can cause us to become emotionally distant from our family. It can lead us to not finding happiness in being a parent. It can lead to us feeling isolated and alone. It can make us feel unsupported. It's important when we are struggling as a parent to be able to reach out and connect with someone else. To build a community that supports and lifts us when we are feeling overwhelmed. This community could include your partner, family members, friends, or neighbors. If you are one of those parents who feel that you are doing it all and that you're getting no support from your kids, we recommend implementing Preventive Teaching. Preventive Teaching helps parents set expectations of what they expect, shows kids how to do it, and lays out the rewards and consequences if they do or don't do the behavior. Children need expectations. They thrive when they know what is expected of them as they learn how to navigate the world around them. Without teaching them what to do, it's hard to expect them to know what you want them to do. Having expectations and then following through with rewards and consequences will strengthen your relationship with your child. When a child acts out, often it is because they are seeking an emotional connection. It's their way of asking, "Are you there? Do you love me? Are you still going to love me when I mess up?" Parenting is a hard job. We at SmarterParenting.com are here to support you. We want you to feel empowered and confident in your parenting abilities. You can do it. You are not alone!
25 minutes | 16 days ago
Ep #132: Putting in the work and becoming a parenting master
You can become a parenting master who knows how to help your child best. It just takes a little practice. We hear from parents constantly that Role-playing, aka the practicing, is the hardest part of learning a new skill. The practicing is where the magic happens. Practicing allows your child to create muscle memory and be confident in what they need to do. Practicing is where you will see how well your child understands what is taught. When we are little, it's common for us to practice new things. We practice them in school. We practice them at home. As we grow, though, we practice less, which can make Role-playing a new skill awkward or uncomfortable. Practicing doesn't have to be scary. Practicing should be fun! There are many ways to practice something new, including using games or activities. We encourage parents to be creative when practicing with their children. Some methods will work better depending on your child. We've turned picking up clothes into a game. We've used reverse Role-plays where we've become the kid, and the kid has become the adult. We've used props and puppets. We've also done Role-plays where we didn't use anything special. As you practice with your child, your child will become comfortable practicing and will be more inclined to practice new things in the future. We know you want your child to be successful. Adapting a practice to your child's needs is what parenting masters do, as it focuses on helping your child find success. You can learn more about practicing at https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/role-playing/
45 minutes | 23 days ago
Ep #132: Helping a child cam down from a tantrum
Have you ever wondered how to help your child when they are out of control? Are you unsure of what to do when your child is tantruming or defiant, and nothing seems to be working? On today's podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini is joined by Naomi Halterman, director of training at Utah Youth Village. In this episode, they discuss what parents can do to help their child when their child is feeling out of control by using the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model. Dealing with a child who is throwing a tantrum is never easy as it requires a lot of patience to get them back into control. A child's tantrum can involve anger, crying, defiance, or even ignoring you and will look different in younger kids versus older kids. When teaching to a child's tantrum, remember that your goal is to help them get to a state where they can do what is asked of them without resorting to tantrum behaviors. No matter what tantrum behavior they are experiencing, how you address it remains the same. You address tantrum behaviors by giving them small instructions to calm down and continually give that instruction until they comply. Giving the same instruction repeatedly without a child doing it is hard for many parents. Providing the same instruction repeatedly without getting angry or frustrated signals to your child that they have permission to calm down and that you aren't mad with them for feeling overwhelmed and out of control, which is very comforting to your child. You're going to enjoy listening to Naomi and her experience with working with the Teaching-Family Model. We can't wait for you to take a listen. To learn more about the behavior skills talked about in this episode, visit SmarterParenting.com.
37 minutes | a month ago
Ep #131: Creating a safe place for kids to talk about hard topics
Creating a safe space where our children can talk about anything takes work but is incredibly important in building and strengthening our relationships. Our kids will have questions about complex topics, and if they don't feel they can come to us, they will seek out answers elsewhere and may get information that is incorrect or goes against our belief system. Children ask difficult questions because they are trying to make sense of the world and their place in it. We want our kids to feel comfortable asking difficult questions and need to permit them to do so. We understand that sometimes these complex topics are triggering and can cause parents to have an emotional response or to shut down. As parents, we want to create gates, not walls, when our children approach us. Gates allow us to guide and understand where walls teach our children that what they are curious about is a problem. The skill of Effective Communication helps parents create those gates by helping both parties feel listened to and understood. Effective Communication works with children of all ages and can be used when discussing any topics. When parents use Effective Communication, they permit their children to talk about important things to them, which, in turn, fortifies their relationship. You can find the skill of Effective Communication at SmarterParenting.com
34 minutes | a month ago
Ep #130: This is not what I signed up for | When ADHD symptoms aren't textbook
When your child receives an ADHD diagnosis, you may think you understand what parenting them will look like. What happens when it doesn't? What do you do when your child doesn't have "typical" ADHD symptoms. How do you help them? There is no such thing as a "typical" child--every child is unique and needs something different, often making parenting challenging as you try to figure out what they need. While most people think of ADHD, they tend to associate hyperactivity as the primary behavior. ADHD behaviors involve more than just hyperactivity. A child with ADHD may be inattentive, have difficulty focusing, lack self-control, or have anger issues. When parenting your child, whether or not they have ADHD isn't what you were expecting, the parenting skills we teach at SmarterParenting.com are your solutions. Parenting skills allow you to address your child's behavior in positive ways that encourage growth and development instead of resorting to tactics that damage your child's relationship. When you have proven parenting skills, you have the resources you need. Parenting skills help you separate your child from their negative behavior. What do we mean by this? When a child is acting up, it can be easy to think, "They are terrible, They are mean, etc.," instead of understanding that they aren't the behavior. They aren't "bad"; they are just having difficulty processing what is happening. When we approach a situation with this mindset, we can use solutions that help our child do better in the future. How does this work? Suppose your child is getting upset when talking to you. Instead of matching their voice tone, you can use Effective Communication to deescalate the situation as your helping your child see why they may be upset because they feel like they aren't being heard. If your child with ADHD has problems focusing, you can use the skill of Decision Making to give them options of things they can do when they're starting to lose focus that will help them refocus, showing them they have multiple ways to react to situations. We can't emphasize enough the confidence that parenting skills will give you. You will feel empowered and know that no matter what your ADHD child throws at you, you will be able to handle it. Parenting doesn't have to feel lonely and hard. Learn the tools you need today to better address your child's ADHD diagnosis!
40 minutes | a month ago
Ep #129: Why you're seeing increased negative behaviors
If you've seen an increase in negative behaviors since the beginning of the pandemic, you are not alone. The uncertainty and change in routine have been difficult for many families, especially for children, as they don't know how to deal with all the changes happening around them appropriately. Kids thrive on routines as those routines allow them to feel safe and in control while understanding the world around them. When patterns are altered and keep are continually adjusted, they often don't know how to process them. Children act up because they're feeling overwhelmed, worried, scared, sad, frustrated, stressed, etc. Understanding why they may act up allows parents to address better the root cause of what is causing their problematic behavior. If you understand that they're acting up because they're feeling overwhelmed, you can create daily opportunities for them to meditate or take a break. If online school is causing them frustration or stress, you can implement procedures to reduce those feelings. If they're sad because they're not seeing friends or missing out on things they love, you could create online or different opportunities for them. The skill of Following Instructions helps a child to feel in control because they understand what is expected of them. Following Instructions is can be used with children of all ages--including teenagers. Following Instructions is one of the first behavior skills we recommend parents teach because it provides such a framework for all the other behavior skills. Following Instructions provides the following benefits for children. It allows children to know precisely what they are supposed to do, which reduces stress and frustration. It meets your child at their level by enabling parents to break down complex instructions into small steps. It gives your child confidence that they can accomplish tasks. It allows you to focus on the good things your child is doing, ie completing a job, which shifts negative behavior sooner. You can find the behavior skill of Following Instructions at Smarterparenting.com
34 minutes | 2 months ago
Ep #128: Neurodiversity and helping kids who learn differently
Neurodiversity believes that children with ADHD, Autism, or other neurological diagnoses don't have a learning disability. Instead, they learn differently. Processing information differently does not make them stupid or "bad." Understanding that they learn differently allows parents to empower their children. By reframing your child's diagnosis, we can frame their challenges as differences rather than deficits. It is especially true when it comes to challenging behaviors. If you have had a hard time improving their behavior, it's not because they're inherently bad, but rather how you're communicating with your child isn't how they learn. The great news is that you can help them move beyond their negative behaviors to more positive behaviors using the Teaching-Family Model. The Teaching-Family Model is influential in changing behavior because it incorporates different learning styles, setting a child up for success. It doesn't matter if your child has ADHD or not; all can find success when you use the Teaching-Family Model skills. When parents continually teach and reinforce the skills taught on SmarterParenting.com, they help their children create new pathways in their brains. These new pathways will allow your child to perform the task independently and generalize what they have learned to other situations. Creating new pathways doesn't happen overnight and will require a lot of teaching on your part, but the outcomes will save you stress, time, and frustration for both you and your child in the future. On SmarterParenting.com, you will find the short video skills lessons that will set your child up for success. These video lessons are entirely free.
31 minutes | 2 months ago
Ep #127: When you love your child but don't always like your child
It’s normal to love our children and want to do anything for them, but not always like them because their behavior makes life difficult. When your child’s behavior drives you nuts, you may wonder what you can do or what you need to focus on to help your child change their behavior. One of the reasons children act out at home is that they feel safe, and part of feeling safe is testing boundaries to figure out the world around them, which is a good thing. When we give into a child’s demand, it signals to them that this is something they can come to expect, so being consistent is so important. When parents are constantly changing the game plan, it’s confusing for children and can cause them to act up. The more consistent you are, the safer your children will feel, reducing the need for them to act up. One reason kids may do well at school, but then not so well at home, is because most classrooms operate with consistent schedules and expectations. As a parent, you can create the same structure that works for your family at home. Part of creating that structure is making sure you understand your limits and taking breaks as needed. If you are frustrated or overwhelmed, you aren’t able to help your child and often make the situation worse. We can provide individualized help in setting up a structure that works for your family by joining the Smarter Parenting club.
31 minutes | 2 months ago
Ep #1226: Why kids see time differently
How kids see time is very different than how you see time. Understanding this will be so helpful when you are dealing with giving instructions. Children see time as happening slowly, while adults see time as happening quickly. This is due to children getting more visual stimuli versus the stimulus that adults are receiving. When you get more visual stimuli, time appears to pass more slowly. Your child is absorbing so much information every moment of the day, which is why your child moves "slowly" when getting ready, doing their chores, or doing their homework. This concept is especially true when you say something to your child like, "We need to leave in 15 minutes," or "You have 5 minutes to complete this chore." Those measurements of time will mean something completely different to your child than it will to you. Because of this, your child doesn't understand why they are in trouble, or you're getting frustrated when the time is up because, in their mind, they still have time. When interacting with your child, remember there will be a disconnect between how you see time and how your child sees time. Using the ABC's of Behavior, you can help give your child's perception of time a structure that allows you both to get on the same page, reducing frustration.
25 minutes | 2 months ago
Ep #125: The skills are solutions
Are you looking for solutions to parenting challenges? The behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model taught in this podcast are the solutions to your parenting needs! Need help with tantrums? You can use the skill of Correcting Behaviors or Preventive Teaching. Need help creating a better connection with your child? You can use Effective Communication or Effective Praise. Need help reducing a problem behavior? You can use Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards. The wonderful thing about the Teaching-Family Model is that there are multiple skills parents can use to fix problems depending on what needs their child has and what outcomes the parents are looking for. The ability to use multiple skills allows a parent to customize how they respond, leading to increased success. The Teaching-Family Model's goal is to create confident parents by giving them all the tools you need to deal with any situation. For over 50 years, hundreds of families worldwide have turned to the Teaching-Family Model's evidence-based skills. Parents continue to use the skills because they work! Learn more about the Teaching-Family Model
22 minutes | 3 months ago
Ep #124: The difference between coaching and therapy
Have you wondered what is the difference between coaching and therapy or tried to determine which would be best for your family? In this episode, we discuss the difference between coaching and therapy and how you can determine your child's needs. Therapy is focused on healing from mental health issues and the difficult emotions you're feeling because of your mental health issues. Mental health issues include the diagnosis such as depression, anxiety, Autism, trauma, and PTSD. A therapist is someone who is licensed to address these specific issues. On the other hand, a coach is someone you go to when you want to get unstuck and set achievable goals. A coach helps you replace unhealthy or unsuccessful habits with new ones. Both coaching and therapy can be beneficial to your child. Many parents will do both coaching and therapy as a way to address difficulties more comprehensively. The goal in deciding between coaching, therapy, or both is to determine what would be the best course of action to address what your child struggles with. Smarter Parenting only provides coaching. When you sign up for a coaching session, you will learn how to implement the Teaching-Family Model's behavior skills to address specific behavior issues by getting a tailored plan specific to your family's needs. Coaching allows us to help families all over the world improve relationships and find success. If your family could benefit from coaching, sign up for the gold or platinum level of the Smarter Parenting Club.
35 minutes | 3 months ago
Ep #123: How to talk to your kids about racism and other difficult topics
We can talk to our children about racism, religion, politics, sex, drugs, or social issues without the conversations turning into a heated debate. When topics are challenging to discuss, we tend to avoid talking about them. We need to talk about these crucial issues. Change doesn't happen until we can talk about these issues without getting defensive or emotional. You don't have to know everything, or even agree, but being able to really listen to your child's concerns and answer any question honestly is vital in creating an atmosphere of trust and acceptance. Talking about complicated topics isn't easy for most children. If you respond with anger or frustration, they will stop coming to you for advice. If they don't feel comfortable talking to you, they will find someone they do feel comfortable talking with, and you may not always like the advice they receive. The skill of Effective Communication is life-changing. When a child can feel heard and understood, even if you don't always believe the same, they will value your opinion, and your relationship will grow. Effective Communication shows you how to remove the emotional response from communication. Doing this allows you to listen to understand instead of listening to respond. Using Effective Communication will enable you to find common ground, see multiple viewpoints, and better understand others' experiences.
36 minutes | 3 months ago
Ep #122: Special education and the law with Catherine Michael
It can be frustrating and disheartening at times to find resources, and even information about resources within school systems. There is hope! Today, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, speaks with attorney Catherine Michael to learn about the laws and options available to provide the appropriate resources and accommodations your child needs to succeed in school. Sometimes schools and educators don’t know what resources are available or what they are legally required to provide for your child. It is never too late to help your child get the resources they need. Help and hope are there for you and your child. Catherine Michael’s Kindle book “The Exceptional Parent's Guide to Special Education Law and Advocacy” is available at Amazon.com.
21 minutes | 3 months ago
Ep #121: It's okay not to be okay
As parents, we may feel that we need to be the ones that hold it together for our families. That we need to operate at inhuman levels all the time and that we're not allowed to feel less than that. If this pandemic has taught us anything, it's been that it's okay not to be okay all the time. As a parent, you are allowed to have emotions and to feel them. You are allowed to need breaks or have an off day. These things do not make you a terrible parent. They make you a real one. They make you a relatable one. Sometimes, by keeping it all together all the time, we are sending the wrong message to our children. We may see it as being strong, but our children may learn that it's not okay for them to struggle and have off days. Or that it's not okay to discuss difficult topics. Which is not what we want them to learn. We want to help our children learn how to manage their emotions and fears in healthy and productive ways instead of sweeping them into a corner or covering them up. When parents can be real and vulnerable and articulate their fears and concerns, it is very liberating for kids. They feel they have a safe space to discuss their thoughts and feelings, especially when parents can use Effective Communication. We're going to get through this. You're doing a fantastic job dealing with everything that's happening. And it's okay to take those breaks and eat the chocolate!
28 minutes | 4 months ago
Ep #120: Coping with pandemic exhaustion and changing needs
As this pandemic wears on, we feel the exhaustion of constant changes and frustration that things aren't back to normal. How we need to parent has changed. Finding success now means being able to adapt and change our expectations. If you are still insisting on parenting how you did pre-pandemic, you are only setting yourself up for failure. Even when the pandemic is over, things won't go back 100% to what they were before. There is both a technical and an artistic side to parenting. The Teaching-Family Model skills are effective, both pre-pandemic and pandemic, because they address both the technical and artistic side of parenting. The technical side is the actual steps of the skills, which never change. That consistency is essential in helping your child feel safe amid change. The artistic side of the skills is how you implement them to address your child's individualized needs. The flexibility allows your child to feel seen. This combination is powerful in helping you adjust as the needs of your children change, which creates a stronger bond with your child. You can do this! We have such faith in you. We know you want to be the best parent possible because you're listening to this podcast and making needed adjustments.
35 minutes | 4 months ago
Ep #119: Creating normalcy when things feel uncertain
When things get upended, we want to find a sense of normalcy for ourselves and our kids. This need for normalcy has been especially needed over the last year as parents have dealt with a global pandemic, economic hardship, school closures, and racial and political tensions. When dealing with all of these events, is it even possible to offer normalcy? Yes. You will not be able to offer normalcy in everything--it just isn’t possible. You can find specific things to provide normalcy, such as morning or bedtime routines, exercise routines, chores, family schedules, family outings, etc. For example, you may be doing school online, but you can still practice your in school morning routine by having them get ready for the day and having them leave the house and then come back in as it signals to your child, “Hey, nothing has changed even though how we do school has changed.” Having a sense of normalcy is essential for kids who struggle with changes in routines and feel anxious or out of control when those routines change. Adhering to routines allow your children to feel safe, secure, and in control even when situations change. Routines also give your child permission to understand what is happening around them, but in a way that feels safe and comfortable. Routine and structure are important, but especially when things are unpredictable.
6 minutes | 4 months ago
Bonus episode: In difficult times, seek out the helpers
Hi, friends. Checking-in as we know that the world feels very chaotic right now and it can be hard to know how to best handle the chaos. This is a bonus episode of the ADHD Smarter Parenting podcast. We felt like it was important to reach out to you and to help you navigate everything that's happening in the world today. Along with the pandemic and all of the other things that have been happening around the world, this is a trying time for parents and especially for children. I wanted to give you some tips and suggestions on things for you to consider as you navigate this difficult time. There's specifically three things I want you to be aware of. Number one, be aware that you are the filter for your children. The way things are transpiring and the way that things are happening, they are seeing the world not only for themselves, but also through the filter that you give them. So be careful and be aware of the way that you present the information, the way that you share the information, and the way that you react to the information that you are seeing. It's important for you to understand that you are giving your child permission to behave in the same way. Be aware. Now, the second thing is, if your child is struggling and you are struggling, the best thing you can do is to listen. Take some time to ask some questions and just listen. If you know the skill of Effective Communication from Smarter Parenting, you realize that step number four is where you actually start sharing your perspective on things. There are three steps before that that require you to focus and to listen. So if you get stuck, ask questions, listen, probe, find out more, understand a little bit more about what's going on. Now, the last thing I want you to keep in mind is something that was shared with me that I thought was fantastic. It's the advice given by Mister Rogers. I don't know if you're familiar with Mister Rogers back in the 1960s and '70s. He was a pioneer in children's programming and helped children learn about difficult topics through his show on PBS, the Public Broadcasting Service. He says that whenever there are difficult times, it's important for you to help your children look for the helpers. Now, I want you to think about that. Looking for the helpers, who are the helpers around us? Who are the people that are reaching out and helping other people? You can help your children navigate this difficult time by helping them recognize the helpers that are out there. Let me give you a brief example. When I'm watching the news or I am listening to the radio and there's so much going on, I don't find a lot of reporting on the helpers that out there, or really an in-depth look at the helpers. There's a lot of ranting, and raving, and screaming, and tantrum behaviors that is happening on the news. But, I was able to recognize that within my own community, as I went to the store, as I would visit the office or a different place, or even go somewhere for supplies, that there are people out there who are the helpers. I went into a grocery store and surprisingly, the cashier was very positive and very helpful, asking if I had found everything, asking if I had a good day. Just really there, present in the moment. That's somebody who's a helper, that's somebody who is looking out and making a connection with somebody on a daily basis. You can find the helpers. They're around you, you just have to pay attention, and sometimes you have to learn how to tune out the noise from other people who are just louder than they are and you'll find helpers all over the place. These can include essential workers. I did go in to get a shot in a medical clinic, and even there, the person giving me the shot, the nurse was extremely kind. Very, very kind and thoughtful. She's a helper. The cashier at the store was a helper. I had a neighbor drop off some treats just because, that neighbor's helper. There are helpers. And if we focus and help our children focus on recognizing who these helpers are, it really does make a difference in getting them to understand our time and giving nuance in context, that even though we struggle and there are really a lot of things happening in the world, that there still is good out there if we look and if we find it. It's the same principle with your own kids. When we look for the good, we will find the good. So consistently look for the good and Effectively Praise them. I'm offering these as suggestions for you during this tumultuous time that we are living in. Not only during the pandemic and school shut downs and so much more, these are things that I really wanted parents to keep in mind. I will talk to you again on the podcast later. That's it from me, have a good day. Bye.
29 minutes | 4 months ago
Ep #118: When a child's negative behavior affects the whole family
When one child requires more attention, it can throw the family dynamic off or cause other children to adopt the negative behaviors to get increased attention. As a parent, it can be hard to navigate how to deal with all the family's needs in a way that works for everyone. When things aren't balanced, often parents feel a lot of guilt and stress, and in trying to make things fair or right with their other children, they may actually be inadvertently adding to the imbalance. Our children have different personalities and different needs. As a parent, we want things to be equal for our children. We think we are equal by spending equal amounts of time, giving equal attention, or dealing with them in the same way. Fair doesn't mean equal. In fact, for some children, too much time actually could make them feel anxious or nervous. What is important is that how we interact with them fulfills their needs. Convey this idea to our children that fair doesn't mean equal is essential. Once children understand this, often attention-seeking behaviors will decrease. When a child requires a lot of attention, it's helpful for parents to reframe that negative behavior. Finding the positive from that behavior allows you to help them turn that into strengths instead of using it negatively. For example, suppose a child is upset. In that case, you can reframe that as they can advocate for themselves, which allows you to find opportunities where they can positively advocate for themselves.These two things will go a long way in changing the dynamic in your family for the better.Don't forget to join the Smarter Parenting Club. Get access to exclusive materials, and at the gold and platinum levels, coaching.
28 minutes | 4 months ago
Ep #117: I am not the parent I thought I would be
If you're struggling feeling like you're failing as a parent, this podcast will give you hope! What parent hasn't thought, "I didn't think I'd be like this as a parent"? Because raising kids isn't always easy as kids push our buttons and test boundaries, and, sometimes, we don't always respond how we wish we would. You don't have to live with guilt or regret. Becoming the parent you want to be is possible. Yes, really! Change is possible, and you can set your family and your relationships on a new course by learning the behavior skills we teach on SmarterParenting.com. When parents have a toolbox full of behavior tools, they can feel confident knowing they can handle any situation in the best way possible. The same goes for your kids. When they learn behavior skills, they understand they have options for how they respond, allowing them to make better choices. We want you to succeed. We want to help you become the parent you want to be. You can do it!
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