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Judgmental Person Being a judgmental person is usually a defense mechanism people use to try to boost their own sense of self-worth. Being judgy and gossipy is a way to get an ego boost, although it has quite the opposite effect. You know the people who are at the office or the gym or the pool party with something negative to say about everyone and creating an air of superiority in their own lives and choices? Yes, we all know those people. And because I used to be that person, and I have worked with so many for so long... I recognize the signs and the underlying discomfort that can put the brakes on the self-improvement journey for so many people that just want to feel better and be better. There are questions that arise when we think about dealing with a judgmental person. Questions like: What does it mean to be judgmental? Why are people judgmental? How do I deal with judgmental people?? And all these questions are exactly why I did this episode! Because these questions creep up everywhere, especially as we are trying to heal and get control of our lives back. Which means, we need answers so we can continue to heal ourselves and understand how to better deal with the people around us who push our buttons. So, in this episode, I want to help you push through the negative thoughts and personalizing other people's judgmental nature so you can move forward, make bold decisions, and show up to regain control and build the life you know you deserve. In fact, I share a few real-life examples of what being judgmental looks like so you can see if you have some work to do on yourself in this area, we talk about the underlying issues and what drives someone to this behavior (and how it's not your fault!), and some powerful strategies on how to deal with judgmental people without letting them drain your energy and ruin your day. And, just a friendly reminder... 16 years into my recovery and self-improvement journey and I still have to watch myself on this one. But it gets so much better and easier! Being judgmental doesn't have to continue to hold you down and keep you from being the person you want to be. In fact, sometimes it 's recognizing the thoughts and counteracting them for the first time that allows you to have a major breakthrough moment. There is a lot of power in these small shifts in our thoughts and behaviors that bring HUGE results in your life. So settle in and get comfortable and let's figure out how to flip the script on judgment and negativity. And here are the links I promised you in the episode: Join the FB group here.  Join the Sober Society member community with 3 online meetings per week, tons of support and content each week, and no commitments. Thinking Errors post and infographic here.

Alcoholic Spouse Choosing to get sober can be one of the scariest, wildest, and most beautiful decisions you ever make. But what about the people you share your life with and, possibly, shared drinks with? Those that held your hair while you were sick, forgave you for the awful things you said and did, who babysat you, tucked you in, and lied to your family and friends to protect you. Addiction doesn't only affect the alcoholic, for better or worse. It also profoundly affects the lives of the people closest to you. In this episode, Amorie and Steven talk about how alcoholism and sobriety has both challenged and strengthened their relationship. We talk about the before and after, how their relationship has changed, how they've grown, and how alcoholism really affected their lives. And, you are invited to the conversation. I'm sitting down with one of my favorite guests ever, Amorie, to talk about what has changed in her marriage thanks to alcohol, and how you can support, protect, and grow your relationship while you build your recovery support that helps you be a better partner. We talk about: How she struggled and what roadblocks her husband saw early on What was the hardest part for her husband as the spouse of someone getting sober And the connection recovery has brought to their marriage I hope this episode gives you the encouragement to tackle the difficult and awkward parts head on with the people you love. My alcoholism affected everyone around me, and I make sure my recovery does, too. For more support and conversation, join us in the Facebook group! Thinking about working with me as your Coach? Check out the options here.

High Functioning Alcoholic Many people deny a drinking problem because they are a high functioning alcoholic. You haven't had a tragic rock bottom moment yet, so you can continue to tell yourself, "I'm not that bad".  But, rock bottom isn't about tragedy or an event that happens to you. Rock bottom is that feeling you have when your mind is screaming for help, screaming to make it stop, begging for some force to take the desire to drink from you because you can’t bear to live this way anymore. For me it was so sad, how I felt. My thoughts were dark I hated myself and hated my life, I lied to everyone, every thought I had was full of negativity, judgment, and disdain. Disdain for everything. My body hurt, my heart hurt. That’s rock bottom. It’s not DUIs and car crashes and getting kicked out of the house and losing everything. Rock bottom isn’t what happens to you, it’s how you feel when you get to that place that you just can’t go on living the same way for another moment. And it doesn’t matter what the thing is- alcohol, divorce, weight, illness- we will all have many rock bottoms in many different areas of our lives over the years. Other researchers and specialists estimate that as much as 50 to 75% of those with AUDs are able to function at a high level in many areas of their life.* The first piece of this conversation I want to talk about is the infamous rock bottom. I am a believer that you tend to connect these two concepts- rock bottom and high-functioning. Because it seems as though the people who have a tragic rock bottom used to be considered low-bottom or low-functioning I had a low-bottom moment, but was very high-functioning in my life and alcoholism. And, as I spoke about in that prior episode- we tend to connect the rock bottom moment to an event or tragedy. But, the truth is, rock bottom is a feeling, not an event. Want to join us for more conversation after the episode? Join me in the Facebook Group!   *Benton, S.A. (2009). Understanding the high-functioning alcoholic: Professional views and personal insights. Westport, CT: Praeger Publishers.

Porn Addiction One of the fastest growing addictions is sex and porn addiction. Just because something is uncomfortable to talk about, doesn’t mean we can ignore it and sweep it under the rug because it’s awkward. Addictions of every kind are on the rise- food, drugs, sex, alcohol, shopping...all of them. And today's guest teaches his most successful strategies for living a healthy lifestyle, abstinent from sex and porn addiction. Get ready for all the hidden secrets: What are the signs and symptoms? Is there porn addiction withdrawal? I'm so excited to welcome Matt Sinkovitz to Addiction Unlimited Podcast to give us some insider info and how this addiction affects people, their lives, and relationships. This episode is a must-listen, especially if you are wondering how sex and porn addiction may be affecting you or someone you love, and your goal is to get control of your life back, have freedom, personal fulfillment... and more. As a practitioner and teacher of personal & spiritual development for over a decade, he sets the stage to build a successful foundation for abstinence and recovery. He is an avid student of mindfulness and meditation, and Matt graduated from the Blue Mountain School of Mindfulness Arts seminary program with a Masters in Buddhist Ministry. And now, he serves as a spiritual guide and interfaith chaplain in prisons and hospitals. Overcoming his 20+ year compulsive relationship with porn he's here to share his journey and talk about: How to get help What recovery looks like Long-term effects of porn addiction Plus, Matt reveals his abstinence success tips and how thinking outside-the-box when it comes to getting help can ease the shame and stigma. Learn more about Matt's program, Porn to Purpose, by clicking here. Join me in the Addiction Unlimited Facebook group here.  It's free, and private!

People often ask me their most challenging life questions and want to know how I manage the day-to-day struggles we all go through. And I will always tell you I live and die by knowing myself, my strengths, and my weaknesses. Without that strong sense of self I wouldn't be able to set myself up for success in all areas of my life, recognize when something needs removed from my life, when I need to get help, and when it's time to refuel. And that's why today's episode is so important. I want you to imagine feeling clarity, getting control of your life back and not feeling like you are constantly chasing your tail with more questions than answers. Instead, I want you to feel cool as a cucumber as you build the life of your dreams. We'll talk about: Dating as a sober person and how I navigate that conversation to work for all parties involved How long it took to get to a place where NOT drinking became a way of life The necessities you need to work on to deal with stress, anxiety, and angst like an old sober pro Pulling back the curtain on this whole higher power convo and how to not stress out about it If you want to know how I've made it through years of personal development to go from a hot mess express to sober and powerful with a beautiful life, a ton of incredible and fun friends, and an inner confidence I never knew possible... you're in the right place. And.. if you want to get answers to your questions and sober support, join us in the Facebook group- it's free and private!

You want to set healthy boundaries, but you feel guilty. A people-pleaser in a family that didn’t talk about feelings, sweep everything under the rug, and maybe you were labeled as 'too emotional'. Then, you grew up believing you don't have the right to say no to things or stand up for yourself. Our guest today, Amanda E. White,  knows that journey, too. Amanda struggled with her own high expectations of herself  and the shame that comes when you don’t meet those expectations- and all that shame manifested through drinking, an eating disorder, unhealthy relationships, and so much more. Growing up, you create a picture of yourself as a 'nice' person, and being a nice person means you do things for others, you help people, you say yes to things because you're nice. And, unfortunately, that doesn't set you up for success in healthy boundaries and protecting yourself, your time, and well-being. If you want to start working on setting some healthy boundaries, Amanda is going to give you a couple of key one-liners to get you started with healthy boundaries and lessening some of that guilt you feel when you think about it. As helping professionals it's your own journey of healing your wounds that leads you to do this work to help others. It is heart-centered and passion-based. I know for me, I have such a desire to support people in their journey because I know, firsthand, how difficult this deep personal work is. I know what it feels like to look at your life and feel disgusted and defeated. I know what it feels like to think you will never get your life together and be a good person because so many areas of your life are messed up and you can’t even figure out where to start. That’s where I was. And our guest, knows that journey, too. Learn more about Amanda by clicking here.  For more support and recovery conversation, join us in the Facebook group by clicking here. If you want to get access to the Free Resource Library on codependence, boundaries, and self esteem, click here.

You may equate self-discipline and self-control to be virtually the same thing, and according to Webster’s Dictionary they pretty much are. But when it comes to the world of psychology, they are defined as two different processes. Having strong self-control can help you keep your debit card on lockdown and save you from impulse shopping on Amazon. It can help you refrain from having another cookie when they are calling your name. Or, it can help you refrain from giving your number to that person you have no business giving your number to. This is a struggle so many of my clients have, and it can make you feel bad about yourself. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stop doing this? I’m shopping too much and it’s causing problems in my marriage, or, I’m working too much and it’s causing problems in my marriage. I’m over-eating and I feel like crap! I can’t figure out this sugar thing! I quit drinking and now I’m eating sugar like crazy! Lacking self-control can cause a host of problems from your temper getting the best of you, to deciding in a split second to go down the liquor aisle at the grocery store and put booze in your cart. It’s that instant gratification thing we talk about in so many episodes. I want it right now, I don’t want to wait, I want to feel better now! And,  this is a damaging way to live. You will get much farther in every way if you have the ability to regulate yourself, and love delayed gratification. You will naturally make better decisions if you aren’t clouded by the need for instant gratification. Think about it like this: self-discipline is the gas pedal, and self-control is the brake. Join us in the Facebook group by clicking here.

You want to learn how to stop letting alcohol ruin your mood, your behavior, and damaging your life. But figuring out weekends, and vacations, and coping skills all feel overwhelming. It feels like there is so much to manage when quitting drinking. And this is why it's so important to get back to basics and keep things super simple. Your recovery path is your choice. I think this is something we don't talk about enough- even if you go to a program, you still get to choose how you create your recovery journey. This episode is a great conversation about recovery, the stumbling blocks of 12 steps, how to stay sober without the 12 steps, and be a better human being. Do you need a program? Are you powerless? Do you have to quit forever? Are you an alcoholic? These are all questions we dig into in this episode. A portrayal of recovery and all the terms and all the different belief systems we have around this illness... and remembering that you have the choice to do your recovery however you want to do your recovery. For additional resources to use in your recovery, please visit Currie's  Non-Profit - Freedom Through Choice Foundation And you can find Currie on the Recovery My Way Podcast by clicking here. Join the Addiction Unlimited Facebook group here.

Do you feel like you are in a bit of a personal rut? You’re in good company: the number of people struggling with their mental health has increased considerably in the past two years. Thankfully, feeling stuck in a rut is something you have the tools to deal with, and in this episode we'll talk about how. We’ll also deep dive into the why behind ruts and look at ways to avoid falling into a rut in the first place. In general, I like to think of a rut like this: If someone asked you how something was going (your meal plan, your job, your relationship, etc.) and your honest answer was somewhere along the lines of... “meh” ... that’s a rut. When you lack direction, you will lack action, and when you lack action you languish. In fear. Something I really want you to get about this particular issue is that you have to do SOMETHING- it doesn’t have to be the RIGHT thing, but you have to start somewhere. Being stuck in a rut is its own comfort zone that gives you the security of avoidance and certainty.  Even if being stuck in a rut feels bad, you know exactly what to expect. Leaving the comfort zone forces you to face a host of unknowns- what will you do, what will it feel like, what if you make a mistake, what if you make the wrong choice, what if you aren't good at it... these are all the fears and unknowns that make you stay stuck in the rut. Because the rut is familiar, there are no unknowns, and it allows you to avoid responsibility for yourself and your life. The good news is, you don't have to figure it out alone! And you can start by joining us in the Facebook group by clicking here.

When you work in the service industry as a bartender, server, chef, or anything else, you know firsthand the culture is all about late nights and hard partying. People who work in restaurants, food service or hospitality have higher rates of problem drinking and substance abuse than the general population. As I researched this topic, this fact came up over and over again, year after year. And it's a life I lived for two decades. When the time comes that you have to face hanging up your party hat, the overwhelm is even more daunting when it is, literally, your job. The questions run rampant in your head, "Can I do it??", "Will I have to leave my profession??", "Will sober people accept me??" Thankfully there are friends and resources now to support us in every field, including the food and beverage industry. Ben's Friends co-founder, restauranteur Steve Palmer said to Forbes magazine, “The industry enabled my addiction so readily and completely that I nearly drank myself to death on the job,” says Palmer. I can easily relate to that statement. Sober people are powerful and innovative, and we can overcome obstacles like no others. So Steve Palmer and Mickey Bakst joined forces to create a sober community for service industry workers. We have seen far too many good people lose themselves, their careers, and sometimes even their lives to alcohol and drug abuse. We were compelled to act when Ben Murray, a friend and colleague, took his life in 2016 because of his addiction. We could no longer stand by and watch tragedies strike around us – we needed to try to help. Through the pain of this loss, Ben’s Friends was created. https://www.bensfriendshope.com/about Support and fellowship for food and beverage professionals with meetings online and in-person in some cities. A safe space to connect and support one another Ben's Friends is a community, not a program. Learn more about Ben's Friends here.  Join us in the Facebook group here.

My whole life I was a quitter. I’d work out for awhile then quit. I’d lose a few pounds then quit and gain it back. I’d start a new thing I wanted to do, and as soon as it was hard I’d quit. I was so scared to fail and scared to feel embarrassed and scared what people would think of me that I wouldn’t even try. But in a single moment I knew, the pain of changing was nowhere near the pain of staying the same. For me, sobriety was a huge self-esteem builder because my sobriety is the only thing I had ever been fully committed to, other than drinking. It was the first time I said I was going to do something, and I actually did it. I followed through every day, I showed up every day, I made it a priority, I treated it as the most important thing in my life, and I did it. I had never done that before. Self esteem feels so challenging because it isn’t a tangible construct- it’s not something you can read the manual, go do the steps, and you’re all fixed. It’s psychological. It’s your true thoughts about yourself, who you are as a person, how you handle your life, how honest or dishonest you are, how strong or weak you believe yourself to be, and how much you trust yourself. Self-Esteem is an inside job.   Join us in the Facebook group for the after-pod conversation by clicking here.  Get the free resource library here: addictionunlimited.com/206

Be happy in your relationship even if your partner won't do a thing! Are you in the midst of a relationship rough patch or trying to heal from the last one? No relationship is free from ups and downs, but we often lack the skills to jump in, do the work, and make it better. And with the last couple of years of people being stuck at home with a lot of togetherness, anxiety being at an all-time high and the state of the world in general distress... we can all use some support. Today's guest is super funny AND super experienced! Relationship expert Abby Medcalf is teaching us how to create a happy and connected relationship even if your partner won't do a thing! 3 major points of this one are: shifting your relationship and communication mindset connect to correct and an amazing tool to make your communication feel easy breezy Abby shares a simple phrase to help you communicate your thoughts more clearly and help your partner understand where you're coming from. Join us in the Facebook group for after-the-show conversation, click here.

I'm giving you my deepest codependence secrets in this one and I'm willing to bet you can relate! This is the second episode in my 3-part series, Boundaries, Codependence, & Self-Esteem. I like doing the deep dive into these concepts, figuring out how to apply it to your daily life how it makes sense for you, and getting real strategies about how to make changes. These struggles of codependence, boundaries and self-esteem are universal. These aren’t issues specific to addiction- they’re specific to life. At the same time, you can’t effectively recover for the long-term without addressing some of this stuff and making improvements. Otherwise, you will still continue to be uncomfortable and not proud of who you are as a person and when you have that underlying discomfort and low self-esteem… it makes it very challenging to recover, very challenging to stay sober, and that’s when we transfer to another unhealthy behavior. As an alcoholic, if I continue to be uncomfortable and not like myself, there’s a huge chance I will go back to drinking. If I stay sober, and still feel uncomfortable and don’t like, trust, or believe in myself, then I will transfer to another unhealthy habit or addiction. Sex, food, shopping… whatever it may be. To recover from life and all the curve balls it will throw at you, it’s imperative we see these  troublesome pieces of ourselves and spend some time healing them. I’m going to start this episode by laying out some codependent behaviors. And I’m going to take it a step further- there are different reasons we use different codependent behaviors and today we are going to dig in to denial patterns, compliance patterns, and control patterns. If you want to be a part of the conversation after the show, join me in the Facebook Group here. And if you want to get the Resource Library: Boundaries, Codependence, & Self-Esteem, click here!

Gambling is addictive because it stimulates the brain's reward system much like drugs or alcohol can. In fact, gambling addiction is the most common impulse control disorder worldwide. THAT... is a bold and frightening statement from addictioncenter.com and I feel like I'm still a little in shock from reading it. Not enough people are talking about this, and the effects of gambling addiction on our families and relationships is devastating. It's also a huge companion to alcoholism.  That probably doesn't come as a shock when you think about it! Jamie, creator of the After Gambling Podcast, was a competitive golfer, honor student, and math whiz. In this particular situation those math skills did not help the situation... He walks us through the signs and symptoms of crossing the line from fun to problem behavior common triggers for gambling addiction and how a pocket dial to his fiancé brought his world to its knees... oops To learn more about Jamie, you can find him here: https://www.aftergambling.com/ Join us in the Facebook Group for ongoing conversation, support, and friendships: https://www.facebook.com/groups/addictionunlimited

When you don't set healthy boundaries with the people around you, it sends a crystal-clear message... and it's one you may not be aware of. There are several types of boundaries you are setting everyday without even realizing it. When you ignore a phone call because you are in the middle of your morning routine and getting kids out the door... that's a time boundary. You don't have time in that moment to deal with that call. When you are standing in line at the store and someone steps too close to you, you move away. That's a physical boundary and establishing comfortable personal space. We set time, physical, emotional boundaries, as well as relationship boundaries and others. Setting healthy personal boundaries is how you communicate to others that you have self-respect, self-worth, and you won't let people walk all over you. Do you feel: pushed pressured bullied controlled If any of that list feels familiar, this episode is for you! And there's another trap with unhealthy boundaries! You don't set healthy boundaries, you overextend yourself and that makes you tired and grumpy, other things in your life suffer because you spread yourself too thin, then you want to be mad at the person you didn't set boundaries with like it's their fault! Oh. My. Goodness. But that's the cold hard truth, my friends. We get angry at the person because we didn't have the courage to step up for ourselves and say "no". This is how anger and resentment starts to brew... and if you want to live a healthy and happy life, there is no space for anger and resentment. Listen to this episode, then join us in the Facebook Group for the after-the-show conversation!

Taking adversity and using it to our advantage is the name of the game around here. And today is no different. Is it difficult for you to make decisions in your relationships? Do you have trouble identifying your feelings, communicating effectively and trusting yourself? If you are furiously nodding your head yes.... you'll definitely want to listen to this episode! Michelle Farris takes us into a deeper understanding of what it means to be codependent, how it affects us, and how we can start to make those much-needed changes. This is a journey with a person who took her own adversity and struggles with relationships and used it as a platform to create a better version of herself. Learning the issues and the solutions, and using that information to heal. And like the rest of us heart-centered healers, her victory became her passion. Come with me on this journey to learn codependence from the inside out, and start healing. Join the Addiction Unlimited Facebook group here.

There's a bit more to drug and alcohol withdrawal than just the physical symptoms and discomfort. The initial withdrawal or, detox, period is mostly about your body's healing and purging the poison. The next phase is all about your brain. Post Acute Withdrawal happens after that initial couple of weeks when you quit drinking and lay low to get over the physical withdrawal. But PAWS is what happens as your brain begins to heal and adjust to this "new normal" without substance. It can happen a few weeks into recovery or a few months down the road and it is a temporary condition lasting anywhere from a few months up to a year. The scary part is, PAWS is a driving factor in relapse. Your natural feel-good chemicals are all out of whack and your brain is in a major reboot phase. And if your natural feel-good chemicals aren't firing right... how good do you think you're going to feel?? We're digging in to all the details of PAWS. What is it, why does it happen, what are the symptoms, and what the heck can you do about it?!? AND... I made you a PAWS Quick-Start Guide: Feel Better Faster, you can get that by clicking here. Don't forget to join us in the Facebook group for all the insider info, deals, steals, and strategies!

Our relationship with food has become disordered and  borderline obsessive. As we ring in the new year we ring in new promises to ourselves to "be better", "try harder", and make all those changes we thought about last year. But, it doesn't have to be such a struggle to learn good eating habits. Especially if you have a healthy understanding of how to do it, and how to set your expectations appropriately. Did you hear that? AP-PRO-PRIATELY. Say it again. In this episode, food and fitness expert, Adam Gilbert, sets the record straight on the most common pitfalls of making lifestyle changes and how to overcome them. And this isn't the same old stuff you hear and read everywhere - Adam digs in to the good stuff that helps you create the change you crave. Three lightbulb moments to listen for: discomfort is our compass the truth about self-sabotage (omg... blew my mind and changed everything!) support & accountability to really change the game Adam's view on his health changed drastically after watching his father struggle with health issues, then get diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. In that moment he began to understand the importance of what goes in our bodies and how we treat them. And, although he was young, he started his own journey into wellness. Now, he's the Founder of My Body Tutor, an online coaching and accountability platform that matches you with your very own coach for daily support as you move toward your health goals. Find Adam here:  https://www.mybodytutor.com/ Join the Addiction Unlimited Facebook Group here!

You know you want to change. You know you need to change. Yet, you resist change for some reason you have yet to understand. This episode's for you. But that old saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks", just isn't true. Not saying you are old... or a dog... The truth is, old habits are hard to break. And new ones are challenging to create. But if you follow these 6 easy steps, you'll be a healthy habit champion in no time! I'd love to tell you, "Just believe in yourself!", but we aren't always good at that. Especially if you've been battling the same ugly habits for years and losing. What I will tell you is... believe in your ability. Because you are able, and capable, of doing anything you want. And I'm happy to show you how. Listen in for my lightbulb moment that gave me a HUGE perspective shift, the 6 easy steps, and one of my super secret keys to success. See you in the Facebook group, click here to join.

Drinking less and feeling better is the desire of struggling drinkers everywhere. It's why we start this journey in the first place, right? Less alcohol consumption, better life. My guest on today's episode, Gillian Tietz, changed her life forever when she was forced to take a hard look at her drinking habits and as a result, her quest for moderation came to a halt. But then, the unthinkable happened. Gill experienced the relief she was seeking with no alcohol at all. And she's breaking it all down during our conversation in this episode. In it, Gill is throwing a wrench in the whole concept of moderation for alcoholics. So, if you've been looking for guidance on whether or not you are someone who can moderate, or someone who needs to quit altogether, you're in the right place. In this episode, Gill and I talk about: Exactly what Gill went through in her moderation journey How to recognize how badly you feel (instead of trying to sweep it under the rug and power through) How us problem-drinkers can begin to shift our perspective on getting help, instead of continuing to hide and be miserable You don't have to ride the train all the way to a dramatic and tragic rock bottom. In fact, you won't get better if you can't get real. So hang up your drunken dancing shoes, my friend, and listen to my less-is-more conversation with Gillian Tietz.   If you don't want to miss a beat, get all the freebies, announcements, and special events then join us in the Facebook group!