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Rayna Neises, your host, talks with Phylis Mantelli.  Phylis is an author, coach, podcaster, mentor, mom, wife, and grandmother. Phylis’ book is titled, “Unmothered: Life with a Mom Who Couldn’t Love Me”.  She is currently writing her second book, “Six Life Lessons of Growing up with a Dysfunctional Mother.”  Phylis shares the following insights based on her long caregiving journey with her mother. [3:19] Caregiving can help you learn about grace and forgiveness. [5:18] Learning to set boundaries is important. [8:55] There is a fine line between what you can handle, what is good for the family, and what is good for the one being cared for, and you must look at it from all angles.  [12:27] At times God encourages us to stay the course, hold on, and be in the moment. [18:05] Listen to the stories of the past. [23:39] Hold on for one more day. Tomorrow might look different. [25:51] You could be called to care for one parent, but not both. [27:40] Support caregivers are just as important as the primary caregiver. [29:34] Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself first. Learn more about Phylis Mantelli and her books at her website www.PhylisMantelli.com. This episode was brought to you by Content Magazine, an electronic quarterly magazine to help you find God during your caregiving season. The Spring edition launches April 1st, so pre-order now! Visit www.ContentMagazine.online to learn more.

Rayna Neises, your host, talks with Amanda Schaefer.  Amanda is an author, speaker, and podcast host.  Having majored in dramatic writing at New York University, she would never have imagined using everything she learned there to create a Christian podcast that has a worldwide audience.  Amanda’s goal was to provide a platform for people to share their stories and as a result, to share God’s story.  She has a few new books on the horizon and some collective efforts around the bend and is ready for each opportunity to share the gospel in every way that she can.  Amanda shares the following insights based on her caregiving experience and from her caregiving journey with her parents: [3:57] Caregiving is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that comes with difficulties and transitions, but overall, it is something to choose again and again. [6:00] A sense of humor can shift everything. [6:18] Remember to be on the same team. [7:17] Preparing for caregiving: Be prayerful Be intentional Set boundaries Talk about things ahead of time Know what is needed to keep yourself safe and healthy [10:57] Include your loved one in the plans for change vs. coming in and taking over. [15:09] Caregiving is one of those times when you get to love like Jesus. [15:40] Learning how to respond instead of reacting is a key thing. [17:23] Be quick to listen and slower to speak. [18:22] Be preparatory and think things out. Amanda’s podcast, A Cup of Gratitude, is available on all major podcast platforms. This episode was brought to you by Content Magazine, an electronic quarterly magazine available today to help you find God during your caregiving season. Visit ContentMagazine.online to learn more.

Rayna Neises, your host, talks with Tryn Rose Seley.  Tryn is an award-winning author and a master teaching artist.  Through her experience with the creative arts, she has witnessed profound transformations in people living with dementia.  Tryn wrote about what she has learned to teach others to bring out the best in each other, to develop positive relationships, and to build trust between care partners.  She plays guitar and mountain dulcimer and enjoys the beautiful world around her through gardening, bird watching, and photography.   Tryn shares the following insights: [3:26]  People are what they love. [7:26]  Just because they don’t recall it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. [9:01]  If you know about rituals and special things important in the person’s life, do those things, and the person will respond and come back to the surface. [12:43]  Give them a chance to show what they have and what they can do. [14:10]  Magic can happen when you make that connection of the heart. [17:10]  Using music, stories, and art includes almost everyone because different people respond to different things. [20:35]  Lead from the heart and from the joy of what we can expect in a day. [22:23]  Tryn’s caregiver book titled, “15 Minutes of Fame: One Photo Does Wonders to Bring You Both Back to Solid Ground”, can be found on her website, www.caregiverheart.com.  She also contributed a chapter in a book, “Dementia-Friendly Worship,” which is available on Amazon. This episode was brought to you by Content Magazine, an electronic quarterly magazine designed to help you find God during your caregiving season. Learn more at www.ContentMagazine.online.

Rayna Neises, your host, talks with Suzi Colthurst. Suzi has always loved helping people and is passionate about dignifying people who experience challenges communicating. As a Speech Language Pathologist, she specialized in helping those who struggled with dementia. After Suzi became her parents’ primary advocate, she realized that putting all of this together is where she wanted to bring value to others. Suzi is now a dementia specialist who empowers others to help keep their parents safe at home without breaking the bank and burnout. She shares the following insights: [4:30] Offering respite and support is an important piece when you are not the everyday hands-on person. [5:17] If you don’t laugh, you are going to cry, so you might as well laugh. [6:42] Seize the moment and be present. [8:08] The constant guilt while caregiving can be surprising. [12:19] When you are deep in, it is hard to look past the problem. [12:58] God shows up to comfort, but also to help carry the burden. [17:08] You can honor your loved one without dishonoring yourself. [18:20] Care from overflow and love vs. guilt. [19:03] Caregiving was never meant to be toxic over all other areas in yourlife. This episode was brought to you by Content Magazine, an electronic quarterlymagazine available today to help you find God during your caregiving season.Visit www.ContentMagazine.online to subscribe.

  Rayna Neises, your host, talks with Peggy Bodde. Peggy left corporate life behind in 2014 to start a freelance writing business. She is also the founder of Sacred Work, a ministry that provides free career and leadership coaching. Peggy just signed a deal with a publisher and is working on her first book. She lives with her husband, George, and their dog, Quill, in Colorado and is happiest when outdoors. Peggy shares the following insights from her caregiving experience with her in-laws who journeyed with cancer and macular degeneration: [3:30] Caring for an in-law is different from your parent. [8:13] Ask, “What can you experience together?” [8:55] There are more than just physical needs that need to be taken care of. [9:59] Caregiving is difficult and can be very lonely and isolating. [11:09] Utilize resources to allow yourself to be proactive instead of reactive. [13:59] Caring for an adult is different than raising children. [14:52] We all have wounds that we are not even aware of. [17:29] Finding connecting points helps. [19:55] Seek out resources quickly because caregiving is not second nature. [22:25] This episode is sponsored by Content Magazine, a quarterly electronic offering, to help you find God in the midst of your caregiving season. Visit ContentMagazine.online to subscribe.  

Rayna Neises, your host, interviews Tonja Moon. Tonja is a mother, businessowner, geriatric advocate, healthcare marketing strategist, and certified dementiacare specialist. With over 15 years of leadership experience in the hospice andgeriatric mental healthcare areas, her background is broad and dynamic. Afterseeing how baby dolls and stuffed animals helped her grandmother, Ruby, whohad dementia, Tonja started The Grand Baby Project. The organization deliversbaby dolls to assisted living and memory care communities, free of charge,bringing comfort to those who receive them. Tonya shares the following insights: [2:54] When you put a doll in the arms of someone with dementia, their entire face lights up, and it takes them to a happy place, even if they never had children of their own. [9:50] One of the hardest things to learn is to meet them where they are. It isnot about us, but instead about them. [11:30] Giving them a purpose goes a long way. [12:03] Staying in the moment can make such a big difference. [13:13] The disease can be harder on the family than it is on the patient. [17:15] Sometimes, we have to change our hobbies due to the limitations ofcaregiving. [21:02] Connect with Tonya at www.TheGrandBabyProject.org or on theFacebook Page at https://www.facebook.com/grandbabyproject. Ways to be apart of the mission: Purchase a baby doll for a loved one Donate items via the group’s Amazon Wishlist Purchase a baby doll to be given to someone Purchase diapers and other baby items to be distributed Sew or knit baby items and send them to be distributed

Encore Episode #1, Rayna Neises, your host, talks with Carlos Olivas III.  Carlos was a guest last year on the podcast and immediately comes to mind when thinking about advocacy.  In fact, in December of 2022 Carlos was honored as being a Congressional Advocate of the Year in California.  Since 2016, he has been the primary caregiver for his father living with Alzheimer’s.  During this caregiving season, Carols has been able to connect, encourage, and empathize with caregivers from around the world.  The journey has inspired him to advocate for elder health policy and the practice of self-care for caregivers.  Rayna and Carlos share the following insights on caregiving and advocacy: Eldercare policy is not something in the mainstream media. We need to look after our elders with dignity and love. Institutions and policies already in place need to be reviewed. People need to be given information and educational resources to assist them with end-of-life eldercare challenges. Contact your officials on issues that can help you. Have a conversation or send a letter to let them know what will make a difference for caregivers. Share your stories with all who will listen. Utilize the Alzheimer’s Associations 24/7 Helpline at 1-(800)-272-3900 and the information they provide to help with advocacy. Advocate for research that includes all demographics. Sponsored by Content Magazine a quarterly faith-based electronic magazine for family caregivers.

Encore Episode #2, Rayna Neises, your host, speaks with Elizabeth Landsverk, MD.  Dr. Liz trained at Harvard and has been a geriatrician for over 20 years.  She served as Assistant Professor of Medicine at USC and was a consultant to the Elder Abuse Forensic Center in San Francisco. She shares her experiences in a new book released at the end of May, ‘Living in the Moment: A Guide to Overcoming Challenges and Finding Moments of Joy in Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Dementias’.  Dr. Liz shares the following insights: (2:00) First challenges are when someone’s behaviors start to change regardless of their age. (3:04) Quick tests to determine if more evaluation is needed: Draw a clock showing 10 minutes after 11:00 Calculate 25% of $22.50 (4:15) Every county will have a Division on Aging and can direct you to resources. (8:00) Find a place where the staff is doing activities with them and they look like they enjoy being there. (9:16) You should not use medication for someone bored or not sleeping, but there are cases when it is needed to take the angry edge off. (11:05) The top two treatments for agitation are Tylenol and ice cream. (14:53) To find a geriatric doctor, look for medical schools with memory/geriatrics clinic or the VA. (17:08) Liz’s book provides a step-by-step guide from diagnosis to the end and is available on Amazon.com. (19:10) We need to help families figure out how they are going to pay for support. Sponsored by Content Magazine pre-orders starting next week

This week, on our #3 most listened to podcast in 2022, Rayna Neises, your host, talks with Susan Stern.  Susan is a wife, mother, and family caregiver.  After 20 years as a speech-language pathologist, she changed her career path to pursue her calling to support other caregivers.  Susan became a certified coach and started her business helping overwhelmed family caregivers improve their self-care and life balance.  She now helps family caregivers to be strong during one of life’s most challenging seasons.  Susan shared the following tips:  Cultivate a sense of trust and respect. View the relationship as a partnership in care. Get the legal paperwork in place right away. Find a way to support their independence for as long as possible. A lack of good self-care can cost you your health. Meditation can be helpful in self-care. Make memories doing the things they can still do. Try to have calm body language. Be present with your loved one. Permit yourself not to be perfect. When faced with an urgent decision, stop, breathe, and look for options. Protect your health. Prioritize your self-care. Develop good morning and evening routines. Keep your medical appointments. Find an emotional support system. Manage stress. Identify moments of joy. Remember something funny to get you through a hard day. Get in touch with Susan at her website SpringtoLifeCoaching.com

This week, we have Encore Episode #4 where Rayna Neises, your host, talks with Deb Hallisey. Debra lost her job due to her caregiving responsibilities with her mother and, as a result, founded Advocate for Mom and Dad, LLC. In addition, based on her experiences, she has authored a book that provides a step-by-step guide for discussing relationship issues. Debra uses personal stories to illustrate how these techniques healed her relationship with her mom. She is also a Certified Caregiving Consultant, Educator, Advocate, and Certified Dementia Practitioner. She provides the following insights: Caregiving changes all your relationships. Summarize what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do. Do things where you feel heard, understood, and validated. Unexposed expectations and boundaries need to be addressed. When asking for a change, do not end with a yes or no question. Recognize the frustration and ask, “Is this a reasonable request?” Self-awareness is key. Use the drip method when asking for help. When others are helping ask yourself, Is it ‘wrong’ or just ‘different’? Think about what can help you, write it down, and make it a S.M.A.R.T. ask. Write down the way they want to live and figure out if that is something you or someone else can do. Find resources from Debra at www.advocateformomanddad.com, and her book, Your Caregiving Relationship Contract, is available on Amazon. Caregivers, you are doing the best you can, so give yourself grace.

This week, we have Encore Episode #5 where Rayna Neises, your host, talks with Lauren Dykovitz.  Lauren is a writer, author, wife, and dog mom.  She became a family caregiver when her mother was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in July 2010 when Lauren was only 25.  Lauren started the Life, Love, and Alzheimer’s blog and social media pages to document her journey and share her experiences.  She has written two books, and last year started offering online mentoring services for Alzheimer’s daughters.  Lauren has made it her mission to help others on their caregiving journey and shares the following.   The journey can be difficult, isolating, and hard to accept. Memory issues are not the only symptom of Alzheimer’s. Other things like having problems doing things they have always done, becoming withdrawn and less talkative, and vision problems can be signs too. The diagnosis can feel like death because the relationship you knew or hoped for will never look that way. Put the focus on your loved one and try to make them happy and bring joyful moments into their life. Be mindful and live in the moment. Connecting over the shared bond is powerful. The more you share your story and talk about it, the more you realize you are not alone. To connect with Lauren, you can find her on social media and at her website at https://lifeloveandalzheimers.com/. You can find her books on Amazon.

Rayna Neises, your host, interviews Kari Bartkus. After seeing too many people go through hardship alone, Kari was determined to show up and be present with those around her who were hurting. She started the organization Love Does That where she serves as a spiritual director to hurting women. Kari uses a modern-day letter-writing approach for those drawn to quiet spaces and written words. She shares the following insights:  [3:00] Grief is any kind of loss that we are experiencing. [5:00] The person receiving care is grieving too and they might not be aware of that. [6:00] Processing is the act of slowing down and thinking about what is going on.  [10:26] A warning sign that you are not processing the grief is when you quickly turn your attention somewhere else. [11:21] Grief will show up in your body. [13:43] An outside perspective can help identify changes that have happened. [17:23] Handling other people’s comments takes knowing where you are at and how you process. [20:02] If you do not know, try different things, and just pay attention to what helps you and what does not. [21:17] Grief changes over time. [22:19] Download a free grief journal at www.LoveDoesThat.org/griefjournal.

Rayna Neises, ACC, host, reflects on her interview last week with Angie Rischpater (Episode 143). Angie is a physical therapist and she shared how, as a caregiver, you can be an observer or a detective to help your loved one. Instead of swooping in and taking, you can just support. Rayna continues with the topic offering the following suggestions: [1:32] Deal with the problem and not the symptom by digging down and finding the root of the problem. [3:29] Steps to becoming a good observer: [3:45] Understand the difference between observing and looking [4:15] Be mindful of your surroundings and practice [5:21] Pay attention to the details [6:29] Refrain from judgment [7:18] Slow down [8:00] Let the person you are caring for do what they can do. [8:52] The learner (growth) vs. the judger (fixed) mindset. [11:45] Learning to stay in the learner mindset can change how we interact with our loved one and how we support them. [13:45] Check out Marilee Adams’ book, “Change Your Questions. Change Your Life” and visit inquiryinstitute.com for a free download of the Choice Map. [14:04] This episode has been brought to you by Content Magazine, a quarterly electronic magazine designed to help you find God in your caregiving season, coming in January 2023.

Rayna Neises, your host, speaks with Angie Rischpater. Angie is an occupational therapist with over 20 years of experience. She helps family caregivers by teaching both a preventative and restorative approach to care which allows the caregiver to live a life beyond caregiving. While still working part-time in acute care at a hospital, Angie also offers private and group caregiver coaching. In addition, she writes and is a webinar host for Caregiving.com. Angie shares her mission, to ensure that caregivers have the power to design their experience using a therapeutic perspective, and provides the following insights:   (6:53)  Don’t do everything for them. Instead, coach the person toward greater mobility, cognition, and independence. (10:00)  Think about how you can work towards a common goal with the person you are caring for. (13:08)  Figure out which deficit area is impacting you most. (16:00)  Eliminate the barrier areas. (17:06)  Become more of a coach than a caregiver. (21:00)  Falls are almost always avoidable. (25:00)  Investing upfront to get your time back in the end.   (26:08)  Make every activity that you can into a therapeutic event. (27:47)  Find Angie on Facebook at Caregiver By Design (https://www.facebook.com/caregiverbydesign/), on TikTok, and on her podcast (Caregiver by Design) where ever you get your podcasts. Thank you for what you do!

Rayna Neises, ACC, host, reflects on caregiver identity and self-compassion from her interview last week with Charlotte Bayala (Episode 141). Rayna continues with those topics offering the following information: [1:40]  Putting on a caregiver identity can take some time. [3:00]  The caregiving season can surprise many people with how it impacts your identity. [4:00]  Caregiver is just another hat. [5:00]  Extending grace to yourself is something to work on. [6:00]  Ways to offer grace: [6:57]  Thinking about how you evaluate your mistakes or actions can help you have a picture of how to be a little kinder to yourself. [9:14]  Focusing on your behavior and not on who you are as a person can benefit you and make the situation better next time. [9:38]  Ask, “How would you treat a friend?” [13:29]  Your parents would not want you to give up everything.   [15:50] This episode is brought to you by the Encouragement Series. It starts November 8th – 18th and is a free series offering you hope, inspiration, and encouragement. Visit www.EncouragementSeries.com to be a part.

This week, Rayna Neises, your host, speaks with Charlotte Bayala. Charlotte used her training and experience as a yoga instructor and meditation teacher to enjoy her caregiving experience with her husband who had thyroid cancer. She is the creator of the Love Your Caregiving Life podcast and the Caregiving Confessions monthly digital magazine. Charlotte uses her skills and knowledge to help other caregivers find easier ways to love their lives again and to support them on their way to thriving instead of just surviving. She provides the following insights:   (9:00)  You have to just come to a place where you feel happy with the results (12:00)  It is important to go on the journey to figure out how to be you while loving, serving, and caring for your loved one. (13:00)  Once becoming a caregiver, you have to figure out who the new person is. (16:27)  Caregivers need something they can do every day for self-care.  (20:50)  Caregivers do deserve to enjoy their lives, and the perfect time is right now. (21:43)  Self-care needs to be a requirement and not a gift or prize. (25:06)  Put resources and time into helping you and figuring out what you need (26:58)  Caregivers need a team of their own. (30:02)  Find Charlotte at www.LoveYourCaregivingLife.com.   (30:18)  This episode has been brought to you by the Encouragement Series starting November 8th. You will learn from some amazing women how to implement self-care in a different way. It is a free series available in bite-size pieces. Sign up today at www.EncouragementSeries.com.

Rayna Neises, ACC, host, reflects on her interview last week with Carolyn Birrell (Episode 139).  Carolyn is the author of Walking with Fay: A Mother’s Unchartered Path into Dementia. While describing her caregiving journey, she talked about how difficult it was to navigate knowing when and how to step in to offer support for her mother. Since most everyone will deal with this issue, Rayna continues with the topic offering the following suggestions: [1:10]  There are eight areas to consider when determining whether or not parents need more support: [2:00]  Family Relationships [4:13]  Home Safety [6:03]  Medical Needs [7:27]  Cognitive Health [10:33]  Mobility [12:19]  Meals/Meal Prep [13:02]  Social Interaction [13:48]  Personal Hygiene [15:43]  Use this free survey (www.aseasonofcaring.com/2022/10/20/knowing-when-and-how-to-step-in/) to assess and reassess the situation. [17:52]  If you are concerned, there are people who can support you in having these conversations. [19:12]  The more things you talk about with your parents, the more you know their immediate needs and also their desires for the future.   [19:52] This episode is brought to you by the Encouragement Series which offers inspiration, encouragement, and hope during this season of your life. Enrollment is open now at www.EncouragementSeries.com for this free series that will help you take care of yourself while caring for them.

Rayna Neises, your host, speaks with Carolyn Birrell.  Carolyn worked for the American Cancer Society at their National Headquarters and then as a real estate agent before retiring to Idaho. Soon after her move across the county, Carolyn made the difficult decision to relocate her aging mother, Fay, to be near her. She then spent the next eight years caring for Fay while she journeyed with dementia. Carolyn’s documentation of their time together led to her book, “Walking with Fay”. She describes it as the book she was searching for but could not find during her time as a caregiver. She provides the following insights:   (5:14)  Typically, caregiving for a parent falls on one child’s shoulders.  (7:00)  When caring for a person with dementia, it is at times necessary to just answer their questions in a way you think is going to make them happy. (8:00)  Deciding when the time is right to take over your loved one’s care can be difficult. (14:00)  The pages of her book came from email interactions she had with friends describing the situations she experienced while caring for her mother. (16:27)  The book is unique in that Carolyn admitted her mistakes and her feelings for the average reader to benefit from. (17:07)  Contact Carolyn at her website www.carolynbirrell.com and order her book there or anywhere you can buy books online.   (17:42)  Please leave reviews online as they are very important for the algorithms used by the sites as well as enabling others to find the book.   (18:07)  This conversation has been brought to you by the Encouragement Series created just for you to encourage, inspire, and offer you hope in this season of life. By joining, you can learn some new tips and tricks to help you take care of yourself. Enroll today at www.EncouragementSeries.com.

Rayna Neises, ACC, host, reflects on her interview last week with Dr. Ed Smink (Episode 137).  Dr. Ed shared his personal experience with burnout and how important it is to be aware of compassion fatigue. Rayna continues the conversation with tips on how leaning into love and respite can help overcome this condition for family caregivers: [1:06]  Compassion fatigue is described as a condition characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion, leading to a diminished ability to empathize or feel compassion for others. [6:27]  What would happen if you wrapped him in a hug and told him you loved him [9:00]  Leaning into love is one of the things you can do when you begin to focus on the task more than the person. [11:40]  Finding respite at home: [11:47]  Identify roadblocks. [12:36]  Ask for help. [13:42]  Brainstorm ideas. [14:32]  Do it! [15:01]  True compassion fatigue will take more than a little respite, but start small and explore what you can do to re-energize. [15:45]  This episode is brought to you by the Encouragement Series, a special gift coming in November.  Visit www.EncouragementSeries.com to sign up to learn more about this faith-based series that will offer you hope in this difficult season.  

Rayna Neises, your host, speaks with Dr. Edward M. Smink, Ph.D.  Dr. Ed is a speaker, coach, and author of The Soul of Caregiving: A Caregiver’s Guide to Healing and Transformation.  He holds multiple degrees including two M.A.s and a Ph. D in Psychology.  In addition, Dr. Ed holds a title as a Board Certified Chaplain and an Associate Coach. He attributes his skills to his experience at the bedside as well as to overcoming severe compassion fatigue and burnout.  Dr. Ed offers hope now to caregivers suffering from similar issues.  He provides the following insights: (3:34) Often times caregivers feel guilty when they ask for help. (6:33) Compassion Fatigue is not a mental illness, but instead something we all experience when we care to the point of exhaustion. (10:23) Three cultural taboos that prevent caregivers from seeking help: (10:26) If you just keep trying harder, you can get it done. (11:23) Don’t talk to anyone about your experiences. (12:35) Don’t show emotion. (16:40) Compassion Resilience means you are able to absorb a situation and not have it take you off-balance. (20:18) It is important to be able to find the boundary to take on what you need to, but allow the rest to come off. (22:38) Self-care is the ability to reflect and take care of yourself. (25:04) Contact Dr. Ed at his website soulofcaregiving.com and order his book there or on Amazon. (25:33) When you find yourself overwhelmed, do the easiest thing. (27:11) This episode is brought to you by the Encouragement Series: Hope Over Regrets. This free faith-based series will be coming in November.  If you would like to receive updates, visit EncouragementSeries.com.