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Episode Info:  Hello Pod listeners!  Welcome to Episode #23.  In this episode Cortney will share her story, her upbringing, impactful moments, changes and struggles, proud moments and the future. Delicious Dish: Today's Delicious Dish is about how to “Fight the Right Way.” You’ve met someone, entered into a relationship and love everything about that person.  There will be a time when you don’t completely see eye to eye, whether it’s about money, religion, politics, or whose turn it is to do the dishes, and then you’ll have your first argument.  Having different points of view doesn’t mean you’re not with the right person, and remember that the secret to a great relationship is in diversity.  Conflict between two people who love each other can contribute to the grown and transformation of each person, and for your relationship.  View these instances as an opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper level, which could lead to a experiencing a deeper love for one another. Let’s explore healthy ways to express your point of view. Agree on ground rules. Discuss with each other how you want to fight fairly with each other. Commit to being nonviolent with each, through your actions and words.       Remember this is a person you should love and respect, and you should love and respect yourself enough not to behave badly. Keep your comments and actions constructive, or else the argument will cause more problems instead of solving them. Separate the behavior from the person. You don’t have to like everything your partner thinks, does, or says, but remember that is a behavior, it’s not a complete definition of who they are. Let go. If you’re stubborn in your beliefs, it can close you off to other points of view. They can isolate and separate you from the one you love. Relax and open your mind so that you can make room for another point of view, and it doesn’t mean you have to change your view but at least be open to others Inquire. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be right in my relationship, or di I want to be happy?” Understand that two perspectives or “truths” are present in your relationship and that both are equally relevant. Remember that hearing another person’s perspectives can challenge you to expand yourself. Take care of yourself.  It’s not your partner’s life purpose to make you happy, that’s your job. Do your inner work, meditate, spend quality “me time” to really get to know yourself, so that you can show up as your best self for those around you. Forgive. This is a very powerful act, because when you forgive someone, it releases you from fear and anger, which is better for everyone. Give in. Understand that the person you love is an imperfect human, just like you, so just love them unconditionally, simply for who they are, right now, standing in front of you. Make up. The best part of having a fight is making up.  Don’t waste this chance to heal, love and connect so you can reestablish intimacy. "It's the journey that brings us happiness not the destination so keep on stepping!" Cortney’s Story Who am I? Let me start by saying I am a “wildflower.”  I need to feel free, safe & independent. I am a self-help & health fitness junkie. I am a magnet to inspiring, positive people. I crave a challenge and bored easily. I am loyal, trustworthy, dependable, outgoing, & focused I hold very high standards for myself and others. I live a simple, intense and authentic life.   I love coffee, dark chocolate, red wine, the sunshine, rainbows, & sunflowers People say I am intense, a go getter, full of piss & vinegar & independent. I believe the most important thing in this world is to love and be loved, putting yourself first, self-care, self-love & setting boundaries. Starting to write “my story” I remembered what a hypnotherapist told me when I came to see him hoping to unblock a memory in my subconscious in hopes it would help me move forward in my healing.  He said, “please keep in mind just because you want to bring this up and heal does not mean that others involved want the same.” So telling my story tonight I will not be as “emotionally naked” or detailed as I am ready to be to respect others feelings that are in my story.   What was my upbringing like? Mom and Dad Sister Youngest child Lots of love, little discipline, or expectations Most impactful moments: A house being broken into while I was babysitting My parents separating Breaking both wrists Being cheated on with my best friend In the hospital with pancreatitis My divorce Having to share custody with my ex husband My depression Meeting my first girlfriend Seeing a counselor My trip to Palm Springs alone My relationship with someone with kids “Being small to make someone else fill big” Meditation retreat Dating someone with an addiction Changing my diet Meeting my life partner, Cathy :-) Emailing my family that I could no longer help them help themselves Hurricane scare in Mexico Preparing my daughter to leave home and go to college Things that have changed my life and made it better: My grateful journal Using exercise as my Prozac “Exercise is the most underused antidepressant” Meditation retreat Hypnotherapy Having my daughter Making the chose not to drink alone Changing my diet Things I am most proud of: Making it through my depression Being a mother My success with my profession My willpower Support & unconditional love from my family Self-love Consistency and dedication to my self-care My relationship with my life partner My constant struggles and reminder that I am human: Self-love Vulnerability “being emotionally naked” Forgiveness Fear of being disappointed & being too much Establishing boundaries The need to be accepted by men Obsessive thoughts Emotional eating What my future looks like: Discovering my life without a parenting plan Expanding my doTERRA business Added new modalities to my massage practice Buying a home Traveling Marrying and moving in with my Cathy I recommend everyone writes or tells their “own story.”   It has taught me how much I’ve grown, conquered and accomplished.  I am ready to let go of the past story and move forward with excitement and open heart to create my “next story!” I want to thank Kathy Carroll my counselor, life coach, and mentor Brene Brown for your inspiring words, talks and books on vulnerability My family for supporting me & loving me unconditionally My beautiful life partner Cathy always giving me a safe place & for loving me just the way I am! Things that make you go Hmmm? Or Mmmm…: This week’s Mmmm?  ….   How to have the best sex in your relationship. Whether you are in a new relationship, or have been together for years, successful couples that are both sexually satisfied do these things. They’re “raw and real.” It doesn’t mean you need to be raunchy, unless you like that sort of thing. It just means to be open about what you want, be specific about what turns you on and off. They respond positively to constructive criticism. Create space in your relationship so that you can both have conversations that might be a little uncomfortable. This will show intimacy and vulnerability and deepen your connection. Talk about what’s working, or not working so that you’re both on the same page and can improve your sex life. Just remember that the comments are to improve your sex life, together, so listen openly and don’t get defensive because that’s not going to get you anywhere. They don’t manipulate. Couples with great sex lives don’t play games or manipulate each other, in any part of their relationship. Be clear and share your expectations, but leave room for new possibilities so that you can explore and discover together, not just script out every intimate interaction. Also ask their partner what they want out of an evening or date night. They never stop asking questions. Couples that enjoy a strong sexual relationship are comfortable asking questions. We all can’t always have the right answers, so ask questions to learn.  Our egos can keep us from having conversations that can lead to positive changes. Don’t be afraid to check in with your partner and ask them if what you’re doing is working for them, and see if they have any suggestions. They explore new things, continually course correcting for deeper intimacy. This is the single most important component of a great love life. Communicate and be open to trying new positions, sharing fantasies, and bring imagination into your sex life. When you’re open to exploration, you will open the door to infinite possibilities, so you can avoid a boring sex life. Well that’s it for today's show and we hope you join us next week. Thank you: Mind Body Green article by Julie Piatt, “Fight the Right Way:  How to Argue for Deeper Intimacy” Mind Body Green article by Dr. Jeff Kane, “The Best Sex ever Comes Down to Just One Thing.” Quote of the week: Let me leave you with a 2 quotes: “If you own your story you get to write the ending.” ~ Brene Brown “I am not what has happened to me.  I am what I choose to become.” ~ Carol Jung We would love to hear from you, so check us out on Facebook or at Subscribe, rate and review us, and share your topic ideas. Have a HOMOlicious day!  

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